S15 W4: Meat Suits vs Madhouse

 David Byrne’s Meat Suits are: Galactus and his herald, David Byrne, Hal Jordan, Optimus Primal, Sentinel Prime, Terrax, Trin Kronos, Bumi, King Bumi, Reverse Flash, Shao Khan w/ scythe and personal Holzman shield, Omnius, Stormtroopers #1-20, Junkeons #1-10, Captain Caveman, Sagat, The Comedian, Nite Owl, Silk Spectre, Ozymandias, Rorschach, The Last Autobot, Finster

The Doctor's Madhouse is: Kurt Houslander (w/ Power Glove), Darth Vader, Padme Amidala in Naboo Starfighter, Stilgar, Jamis, Harah, Shadeout Mapes, Brainiac in Brainiac's Skull Ship, Abeloth, Ursa, Silver Surfer, Captain Marvel, She-Hulk, Albus Dumbledore, Voldemort w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Scarecrow w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Pyro, Predator #1-3

All combatants are scattered across nearby dunes under the dual sun heat of Tatooine. The fremen feel close to home fighting on the sand. With Kurt Houslander leading the charge and Pyro and the Predators by their side, the battle starts with close combat action. Shadot Mapes gets the first kill on Finster with a quick slash of her crysknife while the predators charge after the small garrison of stormtroopers. The predators do more damage but the stormtroopers are able to outnumber them and the remaining try their hardest to land at least one blaster shot at the fremen who are in fierce battle with Sagat, Shao Khan and Captain Caveman. They are able to take out Mapes and Harah who wasn’t fighting but was looking for her kids. She had forgotten Jamis hired a babysitter and they are safe back on Arrakis. Jamis who had just dispatched Capt Caveman, dies at the hands of Shao Khan who has a longer reach with his scythe. Sagat releases an energy blast at Stilgar but Kurt jumps in front of the blast like a bodyguard giving the leader of Sietch Tabr enough time to take the water of the street fighter. Khan attempts to finish off Stilgar but Pyro burns him to a crisp (toasty!!)

“OH DARN!!” Kurt yells in his charred face. Stilgar and Pyro look confused until Kurt explains how he punched in the Konami code on his power glove before the match started. 

The ground rumbles as the trio look to see Sentinel Prime, The Last Autobot and the Junkeons charging at them. Kurt and Stilgar roll down the dune but Pyro attempts to hold his own. As he lets out a blast of flames, Prime sprays him with oil and he ends up burning himself. The bots don’t even slow down and move on to engage Ursa and Captain Marvel who just witnessed a sweet ape battle as their teammate She-Hulk was taken out by Optimus Primal who has transformed into Gorilla mode. The two look a little outmatched but they receive some air support from Padme and Brainiac in the sky. The battle ends with the the dunes scattered with car parts and the remains of the bots but also the corpses of Ursa and Captain Marvel. During the battle, Ominus is able to jump into Padme’s ship and take control of it in a kamikaze mission blowing up Brainiac in his Skull Ship. 

A few hundred meters away (Tatooine uses the metric system), Vader, Abeloth and Scarecrow are working their way through the Watchmen crew who is being aided by Trin Kronos and Reverse Flash. Scarecrow uses his Yellow Lantern Ring as force field while the two Star Wars villains shock and slash their way through the Meat Suits. Bumi and King Bumi move the dune sand to avenge their teammates but Scarecrow’s ring runs out of power and Vader, Abeloth and Scarecrow are consumed by the sand. Silver surfer slides in and relieves both earthbenders of their heads before flying off. 

The final battle has just begun and Stilgar and Kurt rush in, one more notably winded than the other. Terrax takes out Stilgar just as Dumbledore shoots him with a paralyzing spell. A couple quick taps on the power glove and Kurt punches a hole in the torso of Terrax. “OH DARN!!” The excitement is short lived as Hal Jordan concentrates an energy blast towards the duo vaporizing them both. He tries a second shot at the Silver surfer who redirects it back at him with the bottom of his surf board killing him. 

The surfer is trying to steady himself from the blast and is getting attacked by Galactus. On the ground, Voldemort (who has just finished applying sunscreen to his translucent skin), tries to aim his killing curse at the mighty Galactus but keeps missing. Suddenly a small burst of light flashes next to him and Kurt materializes again with another free life. A screech of pain bellows across the barren landscape as they watch the Silver Surfer fall lifeless to the sand. With Galactus bearing down on them, Voldy thinks of a plan. He picks up Dumbledore’s wand and hands it to Kurt and wraps him up in a bear hug (straight men doin’ straight things). Voldy uses his Yellow Lantern ring to teleport the duo to the skull of the Mighty Galactus. In unison they both yell out - “Avada Kedavra!!” with the two wands pointed directly in his temples. 

David Byrne, who was singing the fighting on this whole time from the front chest pocket of Galactus, tried his hardest to run run run run run run run away but was crushed under his mighty weight.