Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers Vs. The Royal Highness

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are Poseidon, Triton, Killer Kroc, David Hasslehoff, King Godirah, Shark With Freakin Laser Beams #1-3, Opee Sea Killer #9, Sharkticon #11, Eric Delko, and The Monkguin.

The Royal Highness is Yoda, Q, The Phantom Stranger, Black Lantern Josh Houslander, The Deep Six: Attuma, Nagal, Orka, Pirahna, Sea Urchin, and Tiger Shark, and The Kraken.


Sup sup sup y' all, Neon Master Pogo here chillin in this tricked out Bongo I picked up so I could come at you with this wicked match between The Highness and The Dope Fiends. In honor of these two teams meeting, I naturally just burnt a fatty, which is always awesome in something as air tight as a bongo. By the way this bongo was nice before, but now it's rockin some leopard print seat covers, an 8 track player that I put a cassette adapter 8 track in with a wired cassette adapter in it that I plugged a C.D. Player in to so I could listen to the FM Soundtrack that I burned off of my Lp at home over and over again. I just installed one of those licorice dispensers like in Wayne's World and riveted some of those Yosemite Sam mudflaps on the back, along with my Calvin pissing on Honda sticker in the back window. This is the life man, I got a couple of tall boys of Natural Ice, some Funyuns, I even conned this banished Gungan in to driving this thing for me so I can just focus on nothing but the match (and the Funyuns). But anyway, let's look at these two powerhouses and what they are about to do. I snap my fingers, and all of the sudden, both teams appear in front of me right here in the dark and scary (unless you're in a gnarly bongo) Naboo Planet Core. Yoda begins gasping for air, the second they appear, but luckily Q puts a field of oxygen around him to save his life. The Dope Fiends do not have anybody on their squad with such power, so Eric Delko, The Monkguin, and David Hasslehoff all begin to gasp for air and die. The three of them do manage to pick up three women and get all of them in the sack before they go do to their suave nature and amazing looks, but they die none the less. King Godirah turns thousands of gallons of water in to a boiling gas with his powers as well, but it still isn't enough from drowning the beast in the pressurized waters of the planet core. The same goes for Killer Kroc, accept he does manage to hold his breath long enough to rip apart the blue skin of Orka and make him join the Krocster in death. Yoda is using the force from within his oxygen bubble to hold back The Dope Fiends, keeping the heavy fighting from even taking place yet, but Poseidon is discussing the potential format of the battle with Q. Poseidon informs Q, that he is the master of the sea and that he does in fact have dominion over all that enter it, and the power to destroy him, despite the massive cosmic power that he does in fact wield. Q analyzes this data and comes to the conclusion that the Greek god is in fact correct. Q then decides to save the time and potentially destructive effort and allows his own destruction. This also eliminates the oxygen bubble. Yoda does not struggle at all after this, as he uses his mastery of the force to calm his mind and body. He gains complete control of his surroundings and attains total peace, but it is not enough to save his life. Yoda drowns. In the meantime, The Phantom Stranger is having no problem adapting to life underwater, but he does have time adapting to Triton's mystical trident buried in his face, in fact this act kills him instantly. The sharks with freakin laser beams inadvertantly shoot through the watery fog power left behind by King Godirah. This mix of powers is enough to take out Black Lantern Josh Houslander. This is welcomed by the members of The Royal Highness due to the fact that Josh hasn't stopped whining about how cold the water is since the second they mystically appeared here (what a b^%ch). Sharkticon #11, a FFL water veteran has seen many a water match, and easily takes on both Piranha and Sea Urchin. The two members of Attuma's Deap Six Special Force work together, but are still no match for the Transformer. The Sharkticon easily consumes the mutated fish known as Piranha and and uses its metal claws to slice in half Sea Urchin, but the former agent of The Quintasons meets his match when he is grabbed by The Kraken and crushed into a Cybertronian Metal ball. Poseidon then moves against The Kraken as the two become locked in an epic battle of brawn vs. might of godly proportions. Attuma then leads what is left of his Deep Six against the three laser beam aided sharks. Shark #2 manages to bite up Nagal; but Attuma and Tiger Shark get the better end of their matches and then turn on the final shark and each grab an end, eventually ripping the fish in two. Though there is little time for celebration as Opee Sea Killer #1 takes full advanteage of his home field, and comes out of nowhere to swallow both of the water warriors whole. Triton joins up with Poseidon in his battle against The Kraken but the minor god is grabbed by The Kraken and then made a into a quick snack by the beast as he bites his head of first and then begins to feast on the rest of him. Poseidon on the other hand does not rest for a second as he uses this moment to swim quickly underneath the Kraken and push his Kingly Trident up under the chin of the massive beast to finish him off once and for all.

Brotherhood vs Red Army

The Brotherhood of evil midgets are… Qwsp, Megalon, Squirtle, Charybidis, Sharkticon #33-38, Namorita, Namora, Treasure Troll #1

The Red Army is Gungan Soldier #11-50, Darth Binks, Miss Tanner w/Red Lantern Ring (Witch from the movie Suspiria), Madame Blanc w/Yellow Lantern Ring (Witch from the movie Suspiria), Helena Markos w/Red Lantern Ring (Suspiria Witch Coven Leader), Suspiria Witch Coven Member #1 w/Indigo Ring, KFC Superman, Tenderheart Bear , Taylor Swift w/Sith Lanvarok

The two teams are transported to the naboo planet core via cosmic waterslide. Once in the water Charybidis makes the first kill by taking out all the gungan’s including Darth Binks . The witches repel qwsp for a moment, but because it takes all their combined strength to keep Qwsp at bay, their backs are vulnerable. Six mean a** Sharkticon’s swim up and devour the out of place witches. Taylor Swift is too busy trying to look sexy and break away from her squeaky clean, kid friendly, image to notice that that Charybidis has already consumed her and just like the sarlac pit she will be digestive a thousand years. Not sure if that’s gonna affect her eligibility for next week but will see. Squirtle and Treasure Troll #1 corner Tenderheart bear, the two scoundrels laugh and smile as they close in on the cowering bear pleading for its life.

Tenderheart: please please please Don’t KILL ME!! I’ll do anything. I’ll suck your d**k’s, come on boys Whada ya say. Haaha you know they don’t call me Tenderheart for nothing.

The two evil midgets look at each one another and shrug their shoulders, then start pulling down their pants. Treasure troll # 1 grabs the back of tenderhearts head and pulls him close. That’s when tenderheart Pulls a shank out from his heart shaped backpack and stabs treasure troll #1 in the balls then in the Neck. Squirtle is literally caught with his pants down and is stomped to death by the angry bear.

KFC Superman finally shows up with his bucket of chicken and side of gravy. Qwsp swims up and knocks his gravy over.

KFC Superman: Hey that’s not cool man, that s**t don’t grow on trees man!

KFC Superman takes a deep breath and then a very slow labored swing at Qwsp, He counters with a kick to the body and a series of uppercuts that floor the colonel’s favorite son. Qswp follows up by snapping his neck.

S6W3 – TEAM vs Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family

TEAM is: Red Sun Superman, Supergirl (Linda Danavers), Justice Leagion Alpha Aquaman, Aqua-Mariner, Emerald Weapon, Sin (Final Fantasy X), Ulmo, Anna Pilkinton w/ sea-doo, Lucas Pilkinton w/ sea-doo, Cock Sneak Goomba #6

Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family is : (Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolcenzak, Dr. Westphalin, Commander John Ford, LBenjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Lorcker, Tim O'Neil, Lt. James Brady, Dagwood, Anthony Pickolo, and Tresure Troll #17) in The Sea Quest Submarine, Darwin the Dolphin, Seaworm #8, Patrick Star, Eugene H. Krabs, Black Lantern Hydro Man, Sharkticon #21-26, White Lantern Batman w/ resurrected Godzilla.

“All Rise” the bailiff says, “The Honorable Fizzatu presiding.”

“Would the defendant and his attorney please rise…” states the judge.  “Mr. Eugene H. Krabs, you have been charged numerous war crimes in complete violation of International Humanitarian Law including: murder in the first degree, the ill-treatment of prisoners of war, the killing of prisoners, the wanton destruction of an underwater city comprised of scores of innocent marine life, and devastation not justified by military, or civilian necessity.  How does your client plead, Mr. Beckerman?”

“Not Guilty, you piece of ---” Says Bryan Beckerman Esq.

“Mr. Sam. Bernstein is acting attorney for the prosecution; you may call your first witness.”

“Let’s not waste any time. “ Says Sammy B. “I call Eugene Krabs to the stand”

The courtroom is silent as the proprietor of the Krusty Krab takes the stand.  Click, click, click, click.  The lawyer with the 1-800 number begins.

“Please state your name for the record”

“Mee name be Eugene H. Krabs” says the defendant.

“And what is your date of birth?”

“November 30, 1942”

“And where do you currently reside?”

“3541 Anchor Way, Bikini Bottom”

“And that is in the Pacific Ocean, correct?” asks Bernstein.

“Ayeee”  says Mr. Krabs.

Bernstein pauses dramatically before he begins again.  “Can you tell me what happened on the evening of March 24, 2013?”

“Well, I was closing up at the Krusty Krab when I heard a lot of commotion outside.  There were screams of pain and I saw one of mee customers, a young starfish who is a friend of one of mee best cooks, get blown up right in front of mee store!  A giant lizard came out of da sea and dis communist man with a cape on was flying above the surface, burning people alive with dis laser/heat vision contraption.  Shark looking robots were eating deez two small kiddies who were just having fun riding around on sea-doos and Aquaman blew up a submarine killing a bunch of people inside who all looked like dey were from a TV show that no one watched.  Eeet was horribull.”

“That does sound horrible.” Says the lawyer with a blind kid. “Please, Mr. Krabs, tell me how is it possible that Aquaman blew up that submarine and killed all those people when he was found tied to a tiny palm tree on the island above your city with one of YOUR fishing nets?”

“Ayee… Ayee…” stammers Mr. Krabs.

“HOW, MR. KRAB?!  EVERYONE IS DEAD BUT YOU!”

“Objection!  Council is badgering the defendant!” protests Beckerman

“No further questions.” Replies Bernstein.

“Your witness, Mr. Beckerman” Says the handsome Fizzatu.

Beckerman approaches the stand and begins.  “I would like to provide exhibit A, surveillance footage from the Krusty Krab security cameras.  You will see that my client is clearly visible cowering in fear inside the restaurant the entire time the carnage took place outside.”  He continues, now directing his questions toward Mr. Krabs, “Did you tie Aquaman to that tree, Eugene?”

A long silence follows and through tear filled eyes Mr. Krabs says, “Aye... I did.  But I knew if I didn’t, he was gonna be commin’ for me next.  I swam as fast as mee little claws could go and when I got to the surface I threw mee net in da water just as he leaped out to grab me.  When he was tangled, I used mee pinchers to clip his tail off and tied him to the tree.  It was in self defense…”

“No further questions. I rest my case.”  A solemn Beckerman says.

The jury (consisting of 4 black fish, 3 orange and 5 blue fish) deliberates for over 5 hours and then returns with the verdict.  As they enter the courtroom, Fizzatu asks the jury if they have reached a verdict and they confirm that they have.  The bailiff hands the slip of paper over and the judge begins.

“Would both parties please rise?”

They oblige.

“We the people, find the defendant, Mr. Eugene H. Krabs…..”

s6w3- The Empire vs The Horsemen

The Empire are: Black Lantern Abin Sur, White Lantern Swamp Thing, Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner, Pet Avengers Throg, Black Zero, Wartole, Justice Force Tsunami, Abe Sapien, Blastois, Black Lantern Dark Phoenix and Buzz Lightyear

The Horsemen of Apokolips are:  Percy Jackson w/Trident, Superman, Snowflame, Navy Seals #1 and John McClane in a submarine and Seaworm #1, 2, 3 and 5

SSSSSHHHHRRRRRROOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM.

That is the only sound we're able to hear as the battle commences. The mighty sound of Seaworm #4 engulphing Wartole, Throg Blastois, Abe Spien and Buzz Lightyear drowns out their screams of pain as they're hacked to ribbons by the meters and meters of teeth in giant creatures mouth. Tsunami struggles desperately to keep the creatures at bay, narrowly avoiding the monsterous creatures which are over a thousand feet long. He feels a quick burst shoot by him just as Seaworm #5 is about to bestow the same fate upon him as it did his fellow teammates, when suddenly the beast stops, starts to twitch and then suddenly a giant black fist construct explodes out it's midsection. Tsunami is stunned to see black lantern Abin Sur fly out the crevice in the creatures chest, smirking.

"You're welcome." Abin Sur smirks, still covered in the gore of the beast. "But don't make it a habit" and with that he flies off

"I didn't need your-" begins Tsunami, when suddenly a large shadow falls across him and the mighty roar of Seaworm #1 fills the Justice Force members ears. Before he can make the long, painful trip to the Seaworms gullet the monster's head is sudden;y ripped back by a giant green fishhook.

"I can't hold him forever" screams Kyle Rayner "Do something!"

Tsunami quickly gains his faculties, and uses his water controlling powers to create a giant scimitar, and begins furiously hacking at the monstrosity. As Tsunami hacks away, Kyle summons the power of rage within himself as finishes off the creature. Kyle then furiously turns to his teammate.

"WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU?? YOU PANSY ASS DIME STORE NAMOR RIPOFF!!" screams Kyle, still channeling the red energy. "THIS ISN"T TIME TO BULLSH**T AROUND! WE HAVEN'T WON A MATCH YET, AND I'LL BE GODDAMMED IF WE LOSE THIS WEEK! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND START FU**ING FIGHTING YOU SH*THEAD!!!"

This stirs something in Tsunami "F**k you, newbie." replies Tsunami "You think you know me? You don't know jack. How bout you stop worrying about me, and worry about yourself, dick?"

"Whatever, pussy." snarls the burning red Kyle. "All I know is that's twice so far we've had to save your candyass. You know what they say about three stri-"

FFWWWWOOOSSSSHHHHHH

The two bickering teammates are suddenly encased in  ice as the mighty freeze breath of Superman silences them. The ice containing Kyle begins to creak and break as the rage of the multi-hued lantern reaches a fever pitch. Then, the ice and it's captured inhabitants are shattered by Snowflame.

"YYYeeeeoooooWWWWW, babay! Those two squares are quite the crack-up. Shu shu shaaaaa!" screams the cocaine powered Horsemen "OoooHHhhhh. Hold the phone Soupey sales. That blast took a bit outta me. Gotta take a powder! TTFN. Tata for now!" and with that Snowflame goes off to score some more of the plentiful amounts of blow found in the Horsemen lockerroom."

"I'm starting to rethink fighting for the Horsemen." mumbles Superman as he sees his teammate fly away. Superman uses his telescopic vision to search for more of the Empire, when his blood runs cold. His vision switches from telescopic to heat and the water around him begins to boil. Superman has spotted the black lanterns of the Empire, the memories of what transpired last week in the graveyard with his cousin still fresh in his mind.

"No. More." snarls the Man of Steel. Superman takes a moment to collect himself, and uses his supermemory to recall the various weakness of a black lantern. He curses the fact that there are no lantern rings at his disposal, when he's hit from behind by  the Black Lantern  Dark Phoenix.

"Let's see what happens when I tear that righteous, beating heart from your chest. Will it still bleed for your poor, dead cousin?" she mocks.

"You're a Phoenix, right?" asks Superman "Let's see you rise from the ashes" and he lets loose a massive blast of heatvision that incinerates not only the black lantern Dark Phoenix but Tsunami, and the remaining Seaworms on his own team. As the ring begins to reform Dark Phoenix, inspiration strikes Superman and he blasts off into space, and takes off at such speed he disappears completely.

"Coward." the Dark Phoenix mutters as her face reforms. She turns to find another victim when suddenly a red lightsaber bursts through her chest.

"How?" she begins when a green one erupts out of her throat and the combination of green and red energies from the Star Wars weapons eradicate her.

"Sorry. Had to duck out for a second" says Superman. "Now no one can say we didn't get anything good out of the cinematic retelling of 'The Phantom Menace', thanks to that flick I remembered that Qui-Gon and Darth Maul both died round these parts and lost just the lightsabers I'd need. A little super-timetravel and BOOM. One black lantern down"

"AND ONE TO GO!!!" screams Abin Sur as he rockets past Superman in a construct of the Lex-Soar. Superman dodges quickly out of the way, and the two begin a heated battle with neither combatant daring to get too close to his opponent.

Elsewhere, Snowflame flies up the torpedo tune of the Horsemen's submarine and knocks on the hatch. His teammates John McClane and Navy SEAL #1 let him in.

"Just in time, Snow" says the SEAL "Our sub is under attack from this strange seaweed."

"One sec, not to BLOW you off" says Snowflame "But I need some blow."

"Come to the Horsemen they say." says McClane "Have a few laughs. Hang with Superman. Maybe win another title, they tell me. Instead here I am with a common SEAL and a coked out guy in red pajamas. Just great. And ontop of that, that Jackson kids just disappears. Son of  a god? Feh. More like son of a bitch"

Without warning, the hull is breached and seaweed tendrils grab hold of the SEAL and choke him to death. The massive white lantern Swamp Thing bursts into the sub and McClane finds himself in a sinking situation.  McClane knows he doomed, so he quickly rushes over to Snoflame's table and flips it over, scattering the cocaine into the rapidly increasing water.

"MY COKE" screams Snowflame as he sees the last of his cocaine evaporate in the water. "NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO??"

He's...a...white...lantern." glubs McClane "Snort hi*" and with that John McClane finds  he no longer has to live free. Foir it's a good day. To die. Hard. With a vengeance.  Two.

"POPPA SPANK!" screeches Snowflames as he rockets toward The Empire's white lantern. Snowflame begins to furiously tear the creature apart. Before Swampy can register what's happened he's reduced to mulch and the white ring. Snowflame uses his mighty coke fueled strength to crush the ring into powder and quickly rubs it on his gums.

"OOOOHHHHHHH FFFUUUUUUUCCCCCC- THAT IS THE GOOD SH*T! I CAN SEE THROUGH TIME!" the now near omnipotent being says. "I am needed elsewhere." and with that, he takes off to the final stages of battle.

"I can go all night, Superman" screams Abin Sur. "I'll beat you the way Doomsday did. By tiring you out."

"As long as you black lantern abominations exist, I'll never tire. Even if it takes me to my last breath" and Superman begins his final gambit. He lets loose another burst of freezebreath and freezes everything around him. He uses his last bit of strength to run Abin Sur through with his lightsaber. As the black lantern dies, Superman collapses to catch his breath.

"Is it... is it over?" he wonders When suddenly his shoulder explodes in pain and he feels his remaining strength leave him.

"It soon will be, superfool" proclaims Black Zero."I won't make the same mistake with you that I did with Jax-Ur. This time I used my magnificent weapons creation power to shoot you with a GREEN kryptonite bullet. Any last words"

"Yeah. You still won't win. Your empire will crumble" and Superman spits in his face.

Black Zero screams in rage  and finishes off the Horsemen's first pick for the sixth season.

"You forgot something." says a voice as Snowflame and Percy Jackson appear in front of him.

"And what's that, druggie?" sneers the mighty weaponsmith

"That red kryptonite isn't the only way to get THIS" yells Percy as he reaches into his backpack and pulls out the head of Medusa.

"NNoooo-" Black Zero begins to scream as he turns to stone, just as he did when Jax-Ur faced him. As Black Zero sinks to the depths, defeated Percy turns to Snowflame and asks him

"But, how did you know that the Medusa head would stop him, and that I'd have it?"

"Simple." replies Snowflame "I do my research. I don't just make stuff up as I go. Now let's go score some morre COKE!"

Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse vs. The Transfoamers

Prologue

“Son of a bitch!!” Donald Duck slurred, saliva dribbling down his bill like a germ-infested water fall. His feathers ruffled, the pants-less avian king of Mickey Mouse Grindhouse slammed his fist upon the arm of his throne, allowing a crumpled piece of parchment to flutter to the ground. His brother, Killer Shark, furrowed his brows and snatched up the letter. As he took in the words typed out in 12 point tahoma font and formatted APA style, he let out a triumphant grunt. Finally, the excuse he'd been looking for!

“The time to act is now my brother. We must invade Naboo's Planet Core.” Donald Duck nodded gravely. “Megatron has taken my wife, my beautiful Siren of Mickey Mouse Grindhouse. They will all pay. Launch a thousand bongos!!”


Today

As she rubbernecked out the window to get a glimpse of the battle in the distance, Siren stroked her exquisite hair compulsively, a habit that her paramour Megatron lovingly referred to as “hair masturbation.” Since he had whisked her away from Disney and she had legally changed her name to Siren of Naboo's Planet Core, she had grown ever more lovely, taking such steps with her beauty as stuffing her bra with Bounty paper towels and getting a celtic knot lower back tattoo. But things were not all hunky dory or peachy keen or Jim Dandy here since she had come to Naboo's Planet Core. There were some pretty nasty monster fish lurking about, there were NO beef jerky cafes, and her departure from Mickey Mouse Grindhouse had begun an epic war. Right now she was awaiting to hear if the demi god and greatest warrior of Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Jar Jar Binks, had in fact killed Starscream's Ghost outside the city gates.

Not Today (Later)

Some time ago, Starscream's ghost had fallen, slain by Jar Jar Binks. But, in the trenches of a massive, mighty, mondo, monstrous monstrosity of the current battle, Megatron shot Jar Jar Binks in his big stupid short bus riding fish face with his arm cannon. THANK GOD. Listening to Jar Jar wax poetic on misa this and misa that was about as enjoyable as dry humping a cactus. In any case, Megatron and the rest of the Naboo-ans were hatching a brilliant plan to finally eliminate the rest of the Grindhouse-ans and eradicate them from Naboo's Planet Core once and for all. And here's how they did it:

King Donald Duck had taken a girlfriend since his wife had left Mickey Mouse Grindhouse. His twinkie Deadman, while one hot little number, was unfortunately only working part time due to his fibromylagia and was considered low income. Because Donald and Deadman were seeing each other on the sly, Donald was unable to help with birth control expenses, so Deadman was forced to visit Planned Parenthood regularly, which was housed in the makeshift Mickey Mouse Grindhouse parliament building set up on the outskirts of Naboo's Planet Core. Deadman had finally persuaded Donald to accompany him for his check-ups, under the guise of a regular parliament visit, just to make sure “everything was kosher” over there. Each time he visited, he'd end with a meeting between important officers of the court such as Xebel Soldiers #15-19, Blue Lantern and White Lantern and Arkillo. Lamentably, for King Donald Duck, Aqualad and Nom Anor had discovered these visits on a reconnaissance mission for Megatron.

One Tuesday afternoon, Donald Duck noticed that the free condom bowl had been filled to the brim with giant condoms in his favorite brand-Trojan. Unable to resist a free gift, he ordered Killer Shark to get him a wheelbarrow to load them up. As he wheeled the thing into his office where the meeting was about to begin, the ribbed latex tubes burst open and out sprang the Wreckers Leadfoot, Roadbuster and Topspin, followed by Ghost #1-5 and the Vehicle Voltron Sea Team and finally by Megatron. They proceeded to slaughter all but Donald Duck, who had backed into a corner like a chicken shit (not a duck shit despite his status as a duck) after hearing the shrilly scream of Deadman biting it in the clinic next door. Then he heard the click of Megatron's arm cannon, and as he turned in horror to face his death, he uttered his last words:

“Quack, quack.”

Griswold's Nut Busters vs Team Sleeping Pussy

Team Sleeping Pussy is War Machine, Blink, Female Sentinel #8, Black Lantern Leeloo, Ozymandias, M.O.D.O.K., Psycho Pirate, Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic, Mt. Dew Transformer, and Blockbuster.

Griswold's Nut Busters is Sharkticon #1-10, #31 and #32, Vampire Hal Jordan, Agent #1, and Dos.

The blood lust of the Nut Busters is especially strong this week, as not only are they still searching for their first victory, but most of their members naturally wish to consume others. Team Sleeping Pussy stands their ground as they see the Nut Busters approaching. Both teams are caught off guard as the noise from their arrival has drawn the attention of the local wildlife. Both teams immediately regret meeting at Naboo for this fight as the battle instantly becomes a free for all, with most combatants swimming for their lives.

BL Mr. Fantastic is the first to go as a group of Sharkticons and opee sea killers bite into him and swim in different directions ripping him apart. Blink is able to stay alive by repeatedly teleporting herself outside of the creatures that keep eating her, until she transports herself too close to Vampire Hal Jordan who quickly drains her blood. War Machine keeps himself alive in a similar fashion by blasting his way out after being swallowed. Vampire Hal Jordan sees War Machine exiting the side of a colo claw fish and grabs ahold of him, dragging him deeper. War Machine struggles to break free, but before he can do so the increasing pressure crushes him.

M.O.D.O.K takes control of Sharkticon #31 and begins riding him, effectively making him a shark with a laser beam attached to his head.  He carelessly swims around shooting his laser killing Sharkticons #1-5, Agent #1,Ozymandias, Female Sentinel #8, Psycho Pirate, along with several fish. His shooting spree would have likely killed everyone had he not been swallowed by a sando aqua monster.

The arrival of the sando aqua monster has most of the smaller locals fleeing. It continues its rampage by eating BL Leeloo and Blockbuster. The remaining Sharkticons attack him, and although he doesn’t particularly enjoy metal he eats them too.

Vampire Hal Jordan decides that he wants to taste the blood of a sando aqua monster. A creature that powerful must surely be satiating. He pierces his fangs through the muscular throat of the monster, and it shrieks in pain. Blood drips from Vampire Hal Jordan’s blood drinking grin as he slowly passes out, not realizing that a sando aqua monster’s blood is poisonous. The injured and now vampire sando aqua monster then eats Vampire Hal Jordan.

As the action slows down, not much remains except for a few limbs, bloodied water, and fish poop that used to be the combatants. Dos, who spent the entire match hiding, declares his team to be victorious. In celebration of his team’s first victory, he floats over to a submerged vending machine to buy a pop. As he fumbles for change in his pocket, an opee sea killer mauls him.

Format Change

Some owners have expressed that they would like to change the format of the passing of items to one where the individual owners will control this themselves. This shall be a forum to vote on said change. Please feel free to post your opinion if you wish to discuss this or attempt to sway people in one direction or another. You may also vote no, if you do not wish for the format to change, but this is not really necessary. What we are looking for here is whether or not a majority of owners desire the change. So, as soon as 9 owners express that they desire the change, it will in fact change: effective immedietly.

I personally do not support this change, because I feel that people will abuse this power to give their team an unfair advantage. As commissioner, I have always selected not who I thought would benefit or hurt the team, but simply who the weapon "would" go to in a sensical and logical fashion. I know Ryan always did it this way as well. With that being said, a majority vote will change this, and my vote is worth no more than any of yours.

NEW RULES: The new rules that would go along with this, are that you would have to choose 25 items that will continue to be passed on. This list will be due by next year's draft.

Also, there may be some sort of Commissioner veto power for the more powerful items. This failsafe is NOT a request being put in by myself but by other owners and watchers who find this necessary. Guidelines for this would be clearly laid out, and I assure you all that I have no desire to exercise this power more often than needed.

Week Four Schedule

Reminder: All rosters will be due by Monday Night, March 25. The third week will be for 400 points and set among a series of large Arctic Icebergs . The winner of each match will earn 20 Graveyard Points.



The Match Ups:

The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. George Washington's Slaves (Josh)
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Empire (Seeney)
The Shemalabama Shit Kickers Vs. The Transfoamers (Fizz)
Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. President Barack Obama and Taylor Swift's Red Army (Ed)
TEAM Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (NFG)
Griswold's Nut-Busters Vs. The Royal Highness (Robimus Prime)
Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Josh)
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Griffin)

As always, Watcher emails are listed on the main page.  Teams with a guest Watcher should email their rosters to Josh. Thank you, and good luck to all!

Roster Update...

All of the rosters have been update through Week Two on the normal Google Drive site. You will notice a few changes to them. I have added in the "Affiliation" column and have organized all of your characters into their respective groupings (ie. Marvel, DC, Star Wars, etc.)

I've also added two new files. There is now the Graveyard Database file that completely catalogues every single final death ever in the Fantasy Fantasy League. And the "Undead" Database. This one details exactly which characters have risen from the dead and in what form (ie. Black Lantern, Zombie and Vampire). It also shows which team said "undead" character is on.

Hope this helps everyone.

Season Six Week Two Standings

Spoiler Sport. Week Two wrap up

Welcome everyone to episode number woo woo TWO of Spoiler Sport season six. I am your host and FFL correspondent -the WWE Internet Champion! "Long Island Iced Z" Zack Ryder.

Well bros and broettes,the normally silent FFL Graveyard wasn't all that quiet this week as we saw eight BRUTAL interconference matches take place amongst the resting place of fallen competitors. Let's take a look at who was wooing and who was boohoooing.

In a move that can only be described as SSSSSIIIIICCCCKKKKKK the Lucas conference match ups saw a complete sweep for the Spielberg division as they totally fist pumped the face of the Clarke division. It wasn't an easy accomplishment, however. Only the Horsemen won their match with more than one player left living. Gotta give the Clarke guys some credit, they're no pushovers.

This means there was NO changes in the standings this week to the Lucas conference at all. Are you serious, bro?? We still have a three way tie for first in the Spielberg with the Horsemen, Shitkickers and Mickey Mouse Grindhouse all 2-0, with the Midgets boasting a 1-1 record. The Clarke division sees the Slaves still in first with a 1-1 record, and the Foamers, the Empire, and the Red Army having some trouble getting started this year at 0-2

Over in the Stan Lee conference, it was a little bit different. TEAM was the lone team from the Tolkien division to win their match, as every other Herbertian team tasted the Bud Light Lime-like taste of victory.

It's hard to argue against the impact Red Son Superman has had on TEAM as they continue their stranglehold on first place in the  Tolkien division at 2-0, with  the Nut-Busters, Murderflies and Dopefiends suffering a slow start of 0-2.  The Herbert division is a little more balanced as the Kennelz and the Kitties  both start the year at a perfect 2-0, and the Royal Highness able to catch up to the Sleeping Pussies at 1-1 so far.

Now, let's kick things over to my main broski holding it down in the resurrection pit! Paul Bearer, let's see how things are looking in the pit!


OOOOoooohhhhhhh YYYYYeeeeesssssss. Thank yooouuuu, Zack. My my my. There's alot of restless souls stirring amongst the dead in the FFL graveyard. YYYeeeeesssssss. The blood spilled in week two has really whipped them into a frenzy, and those 13 points earned for sending the graveyard MORE souls to take hold of have got to have something to do with it. Here's the current standings:



Ooooohhhhh. The POWER that's being awaken. Ooooooo YYYEEEEESSSSS! Back to you Zack!


Thanks, Paul.
 Wwwwweeeelllllllll, that's all the time we have this week. Week two was intense, but I can't see what happen  when we all get wet next week in week three! Don't forget to like this video, subscribe to our channel or give a comment down below. Go back and watch all our other episodes! And like me on Facebook! Follow me on Twitter! Buy all the Zack Ryder merchandise on WWEShop dot com aaaannnnnd take care. Spike your hair.

Woo woo woo. You know it!

s6w2- The Midgets Vs. The Transfoamers

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are:  White Lantern Hal Jordan w/ red lantern ring, Alan Scott's green lantern ring, and a yellow lantern ring, Emperor Joker, Zombie Silver Dragon #2, Magwai #1, Heathclif, Toad, Vampire #100, Star Wolf, Duncan Idaho Ghola #9, Evil Dwarf #1, and Carla from Cheers in The Whiz Wagon, Glom, Hammer Bros. Shaun Poteracki, Bib and Beb

The Transfoamers are: Dark side adept #7-12, Scaramango, Donald "Red" Grant, Ernst Starvo Blofeld, Dr. No, Goldfinger, Odd Job, Dark Side Akoyte #19, Black Lantern Darth Rave  and Megator


The two teams find them jkfdjkfl;;dlkfjg;ljfk gmdkljfdmkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldkldklxxxxffffffffffffffffffffkl;l;l;l;l;lgfsdlsdf;


Heh. Gotta tell you, kiddies. I like-a these nifty new powers you gave me. Tres chic'. Not everyday that I get to kill two Watchers in under a week, let alone one with blog access. This could be lots and lots of fun for your good old Uncle Joker. Heh LOTS of fun. Hahahhahahhahahaha

Anyway, let's cut to the chase. Clearly, you "Watchers" just won't let things go, will you? I thought it was clear that I don't want this match to happen. I mean, really. Look at that roster the foamers put up. Do you see ONE Batman up there? Hell, I wouldn't even mind taking a crack at one of the 15,234 Supermen running around. But you're gonna put me, Emperor Joker, up against a bunch of common Star Wars guys, and some Bond villains? Get the fuck right out of town.

Oooooh, that felt good. Lemme drop another one of those. Fuck. Fuck Fuckiity fuck fuckfuckfuck. Yeah, can't be saying shit like that in the DCU proper. Haha.

Anyhoo. Back to what I was saying. This match is a waste of my time and powers, so I took out your guest Watcher before they could even fire up their monitor. That was supposed to be the end. But I guess the joke was on me, cause here we are in the same predicament. If there's one thing I HATE, it's having to explain a joke to people who just. Don't. Get. It.

So here we go kids. Here's you match. Hope you like it.  Emperor Joker kills EVERYONE. Why? Why not. How? With MINDBULLETS!

Sorry about your luck, Transfoamers. But look at it this way. You didn't lose anyone good.


AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

TEAM is (Red Sun) Superman, Black Lantern Darth Vader, Gannon, (Green Lantern) Batman, Bloodwynd, Red Devil, Fred Baker, and Cock Sneak Goomba #4.
Team Sleeping Pussy is (Vampire) Batman, D’Spayre, Vampirella, (Zombie) Nightmare, (Zombie) Ryan Poteracki, Brother Blood, Shi’ar Warrior #1, (Western) Ghost Rider, and Andrew Bennett.

Hey everybody, Neon Master Pogo here to bring you some wild and crazy times here at the beautiful Fantasy Fantasy Graveyard and Resort. I’ve spent the whole week here just chillin out maxin-relaxin all coolin and I decided that I should probably watch this match, now that the deadline is well… Nowish or so. I’ve hung out in the sunshine and smelled the fresh flowers growing all week, I’ve went and paid my respects to class-act guys like Darkseid and Thanos, and even went and put a little plastic Canadian flag on Wolverine’s grave… What do mean Wolverine still isn’t dead. Okay, my bad so I guess you caught me in a bit of a fib; but either way, let’s get this piece of crap going. I have transported the teams to a beautiful series of flower beds here in the graveyard, simply because that is where I want to hang out; and I’ve arranged the characters next to the people who I want to see them fight (because I get whatever I want). Let’s start with (Red Sun) Superman squaring off against D’Spayre. I for one am excited as “all get-out” to see Superman back fighting for TEAM, even if it a distorted Commie version of ol’ Kal. D’Spayre attempts to instill fear in the Last Son of Krypton; but the Cold Warrior only knows one thing to do against something that you are afraid of… Destroy it without prejudice, which is exactly what Superman does to the demon by blasting him with enough freeze breath to make him brittle and then smashing him in to little pieces.
Bloodwynd and Ghost Rider both went in to this match thinking that they would be doing nothing but causing the people around them to feel the pain and anguish of all the murdered souls in the vicintity; but their extremely similar powers seem to be negating each other. But Bloodwynd is still able to awaken enough muscle memory in the Zombie version of Nightmare to turn his own powers against him. Zombie Nightmare recalls all of the pain he has caused victims through their dreams, that his already rotting skin begins to melt off of his bones. The Old West version of Ghost Rider should be outmatched against the likes of Green Lantern Batman, but the Ghost Rider feels right at home in this graveyard; which boosts his power significantly. Ghost Rider uses his penance stare to bring back the pain and agony that Bruce Wayne experienced at the death of his parents and is then able to engulf him in hell fire via the spirit of vengeance.
The Cock Sneak Goomba, sure is cocky, and he is pretty sneaky as well; but it doesn’t stop Andrew Bennett from stomping on his head (100 points in the bank yo).
Red Devil may have a plethora of cool toys to go along with his powers; but his rocket-powered trident is nothing compared to the king of toys himself Batman. Vampire Batman uses his batarang grappling hook to tie up the feet of Blue Devil’s sidekick and pull him flat on to his back. Batman then bares his teeth and lunges on to Red Devil, latching on to his neck and feeding off of the Teen Titan.
Fred Baker has watched enough Walking Dead to know exactly what to do when he sees the likes of Zombie Ryan rolling up on him. Baker does not hesitate for a second as he takes his machete and slices Zombie Poteracki’s head clean off.
Brother Blood and Gannon both stand completely still as Brother Blood attempts to tap in to the mind of Gannon and Gannon attempts to cast a death spell on Blood. They both break free from the others attempted attacks but once the skirmish turns in to a melee one, Gannon manages to gain the upper hand by physically overpowering the smaller Brother Blood.
Black Lantern Vader is outnumbered 2 to 1 by The first of The Shi’ar warriors and Vampirella, but despite this being his first FFL outing since his return from the grave, Vader does not look the least bit frightened. Vampirella and the Shi’ar attack in unison but Vader manages to dodge the initial attack of Vampirella and move towards the Shi’ar first. The Warrior manages to parry the first swing of Vader’s lightsaber; but the now dead fallen Jedi then goes for a more direct approach, as he takes his black gloved left hand and uses it to rip out the heart of the Shi’ar Warrior and then shove it into his feeding tube on his chest. Vampirella comes back with a vengeance; but Vader is able to move even quicker than his extremely swift opponent and remove her head with his trusty red lightsaber.
The two teams regroup, with the pussies realizing quick that they are outnumbered and if they are going to pull this thing out, than they are going to have to attack quickly and as a unit. Vampire Batman somehow has a residual green glow about him, ever since Green Lantern Batman was killed. It seems as though the power of the ring is slightly confused as to whether or not it’s owner still lives. This is probably how he, with the combined powers of the spirit of vengeance are able to overtake a surprised Black Lantern Vader. The Black Lantern Sith is knocked down by the weight of Ghost Rider’s mystical horse and his helmet is cracked and exposing his fragile head by the heightened strength of Vampire Batman and the sharp edges of his bloody batarang. Bloodwynd and Supes quickly rush in to defend their TEAMmate, but they only get there in time for revenge. Superman crushes the flaming skull of Ghost Rider like every deserving capitalist while Bloodwynd uses his mystical gem powers to drive a newly materialized wooden stake through the heart of Vampire Batman (but not before Batman’s missed batarang catches Fred in the jugular to take him out of the match). Bennett now stands toe to toe with Superman and Bloodwynd; but before he can attempt this major longshot, he is caught in the head by an arrow from the bow of Gannon.

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are The Phoenix Five: Cyclops, Collossus, Emma Frost, Namor, and Magik, The Ghostbusters: Peter Venkman, Ray Stanz, Egon Spengler, and Winston Zeddimore, Zombie Absorbing Man, Zombie Mr T., The Matrix Twins, and Avengelyne.
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are Archangel, Daken, Fantomex and EVA, Vengeance, Vampire Yoda, Sumara (w/ Legion Flight Ring), Mrs. Voorhies (w/ red lantern ring), Damien Thorn (w/ yellow lantern ring), Mrs. Blaylock, Damien’s Rotwiler, Ghostface (w/ red lightsaber), Raven Knight (Immell #11), and The Monkguin.

These teams waste no time squaring off in the throne room of the lair of Carlos Olivera: Ruler of The Graveyard, and first ever character to inhabit this domain of death and destruction. Along with his right hand men Goblin #1 and Little Goomba #1, they police the comings and goings of all characters in the FFL. Egon is forced to throw away his PKE Meter, as it is driving everybody crazy by running at top capacity ever since they showed up at the Graveyard: “OKAY, We get it. There are ghosts HERE”!! Yelled Venkman as he gave Egon a wicked stink eye before the scientist discarded the tool into a firey crevice in the ground. Ray makes the first move and yells “there’s one”!! As he and his fellow busters turn their proton packs on Ghostface. They are quickly reminded that proton packs work just as good (or better) at busting humans as they do ghosts, as they fry Ghostface alive. Avengelyne at first seems outmatched by Raven Knight’s superior weaponry (her red lightsaber) and her magical abilities but Avengelyne manages to duck under the attack of Raven knight and find a spot under the left arm of The Immell’s to fill with her blade. Zombie Absorbing Man, grabs a hold of Sumara and realizes that his undead absorbing abilities can’t handle the pure evil locked inside of Sumara. Sumara allows the release of just enough of her energy to overload the zombie.

Dozens of dead FFLers are spotted running from the Biker spirit known simply as Vengenace, but The Phoenix Five are moving directly towards him. The Biker blasts his spikes at them, but Collossus moves faster than a character of his size should ever be able to, to rip the spirit right out of Vengeance, limb by limb. The Phoenix Five are then presented with the threat of Vampire Yoda, along with a contingent of The Dope Fiends mutants, but as this battle heats up, we shall examine some of the other fighting…

The Monkguin, as if he were not powerful enough with all of his inherent abilities from that of both a monkey and a penguin uses all of his training he received from the secret government agency that developed him. It is this training that makes it take a least an extra few seconds for Zombie Mr. T to grab that fool and start eating him. Damien smiles very creepily as he avenges the Monkguin by ripping Mr. T to pieces with his yellow power ring. The Matrix twins have their long history of battling for The Kennellz (dating all the way back to the team being known as The Outsiders) in mind as they decide that this place should suit them just fine after they give their lives in this battle. They draw out their switchblades and ignite their lightsabers one last time as they are hell bent on taking as many Dope Fiends with them as possible before they go. When the twins first arrive they see Damien Thorn and his crew of nasty Mcnastersons having their way with The Ghostbusters (I admit it, I just thought it would be funny for The Matrix Twins to try and save The Ghostbusters). Mrs. Voorhies is slicing and dicing Egon while Mrs. Baylock and the dog are both using their teeth to finish off Winston. The twins rip through Zeddimore’s attackers first with their duo of slicing weapons, and move on to their boss Damien. Damien blasts yellow energy at the pair; but the twins are able to dodge the attacks and then slice him in to thirds with simultaneous swings of their green sabers. They remove Mrs. Voorhies head next, but not before she is able to run Ray through. The twins make short work of The Friday the 13th villain but the antagonist from The Ring proves a bit more difficult as she just looks at twin #2 to capture what essence he had left and make sure it stays right here in The Graveyard. Matrix Twin #1 is able to use a mix of his powers left over from the original matrix, along with his lightsaber to avenge his brother’s death, but his victory leaves no time for celebration as Vampire Yoda beheads him without breaking stride on his way to battle The Phoenix Five.

Vampire Yoda, much to the surprise of The Dope Fiend team that drafted him is not at all evil. He still has a thirst for blood and an undead soul; but the residual force power in his being and the sheer amount of midi-chlorians in his cells is more than enough to overcome whatever evil the vampire disease could have caused for him. Cyclops unleashes a full phoenix-powered optic blast towards the vampire Jedi Master, but Yoda ignites his lightsaber and blocks it. Yoda struggles to hold back the power; but it is not his force ability that gives out, it is his weapon. Yoda looks down to see his own lightsaber melting under the power of Cyclops forcing him to let go of the damaged weapon and duck under the attack. Yoda leaps and runs to dodge Cyclops’ attacks after his saber is fully destroyed and jumps up to the neck of Cyclops ripping out his Adam’s Apple with his new found vampire teeth. Yoda then shows Magik the true meaning of her name by force pushing her into the lava moat guarding King Olivera’s throne (but not before Magik rips apart EVA with ease). Archangel and Daken have never much liked each other. Whether it be here as members of The Dope Fiends or on their former team, The Horsemen of Apokolips. But they can’t deny how well they work together, or how well their methods match up (and hey, at least they have one thing in common… They both think Wolverine is a dick). The two of them, along with Fantomex take on both Collossus and Emma Frost, while the weaponless Yoda is finally caught in the bare hands of Namor and relieved of his head through the strength of Namor’s Phoenix backed Atlantean strength. Emma Frost manages to use her powers of energy projection to wipe out Fantomex (see Ryan, now Emma Frost actually does have energy projection powers… So there (anybody else actually remember that season one comment board debate??)). But Archangel uses his teammates demise to swoop in behind Frost and catch her off guard. He manages to use his wings to slice he in half Darth Maul style at the waste. Collossus then grabs a hold of Archangel and snaps his neck right before Daken is catches the Russian from behind actually chipping his claws as he plunges them through his organic steel body and into his heart. The last remaining member of The Phoenix Five begins to size up Daken; but before their skirmish can begin Avengelyne sneaks up from behind the son of Wolverine and uses her sword to inflict the will of out creator upon the sinner Daken (he can’t heal from it, cause God said so). Venkman exclaims “I love this team!! Let’s do that whole Universe Bowl thing again this year”!! As…

S6W2 – Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies vs. The Royal Highness

Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are: Zombie King Kong, Black Lantern Guy Gardner, Zombie Darth Maul, Black Lantern Grievous, Black Lantern Qui Gon Jinn, and 27 Ewoks. (# 6 -9. and 11-33)

The Royal Highness is: Phantom Stranger, Doomslayer, Jack Skellington, Oogie Boogie, Maleficent(Disney), Mumm-Ra, Morgan Le Fey, and Dave Thomas

The Murderflies are transported to the FFL graveyard and immediately the obnoxious number of ewoks take to the trees and begin to scurry into the darkness, hiding behind tombstones. The remaining members are more reserved to start the match. They slowly walk around until each of them finds the headstones bearing their names. The earth is dug up and only empty pits remain at their feet. Even though they have been resurrected as Black Lanterns and zombies, the pain and memories of dozens of deaths are still as fresh in their minds as this morning's breakfast. They know that a poor performance today will just bring them one step closer to dying... for good... again.

Their moment of reflection is over. BL Qui Gon senses a silent attack and Maleficent is dead before she even knows that he turned around. He looks over her shoulder as his lightsaber through her torso illuminates the graveyard behind her. He sees the Phantom Stranger step out in front of him and he withdraws his weapon letting the Mistress of Evil fall lifeless at his feet. Qui Gon takes a step forward and Doomslayer blindside punches him exploding his head like the watermelons that Letterman used to drop on 51^st street. Zombie Darth Maul does some unnecessary backflips and takes a charge at Mumm-Ra. Darth Maul appears more obsessed with dancing and strafing in a circle than he does with actual engaging an attack. Mumm-Ra quickly becomes bored with the ballet and dispatches the horned faced sith with a lightning bolt just as BL Grievous removes his head.

“What's this? What's this? There's creatures everywhere!

What's this? What's this? They're covered in fuzzy hair!”

Jack Skellington has taken to song as the ewoks begin to swarm. They fall out of the trees and run in from the shadows.

“Oh no! Oh no! They've taken off my head!

Oh no! Oh no! I think I'm really dead!”

He is in fact dead but as two ewoks tug at his feet, the joint at his knees break and both ewoks are speared through the chest with Jack's falling femurs. Oogie Boogie begins to inhale deeply, swallowing 3 ewoks before Zombie King Kong bashes his potato sack body a foot into the ground. Dozens jump on Morgan Le Fey and they all fall into an open grave. BL Guy Gardner harnesses the power of his ring to fill the pit with dirt, sacrificing his tiny allies to kill Le Fey. He then looks up from his landscaping to see the Phantom Stranger jumping on him and getting him in a headlock. Two ewoks jump on top of him and stab him through both eye sockets before Gardner can even react.

“I could have handled him!” Guy Gardner says annoyed.

“Nub Nub” says Ewok #10 as he and #22 run back into the fight.

Doomslayer is racking up the kills. He cannot punch ewoks fast enough and I honestly don't know which ewoks are dead and what ones are alive. We will have to gather up the toe tags later. The ground begins to shake and Doomslayer instinctively barrel rolls out of the way just in time to see King Kong's fist make a crater where he just was standing. Quickly getting to his feet, Doomslayer is able to get under Kong who is still off balance from his punch. He grabs handfuls of fur and jumps above the trees with the giant beast above his head. He looks down to where the crowd of ewoks, whose numbers are quickly depleting, are still recovering from the shockwave that liquified their furry friends. Guy Gardner is following his two lifesavers who have just regrouped with the remaining ewoks when the giant Kong is thrown down crushing them all and killing Kong as well.

As Doomslayer lands, he sees BL Grievous waiting for him with the 3 remaining ewoks. The ewoks charge and Doomslayer scoops them up and throws them back at Grievous. The first two are easily cleaved in twain but as the last ewok is killed, Grievous unexpectedly loses his balance and falls. Doomslayer takes advantage and pounces. But as his fist crushes Grievous's rib cage and stops his heart, he sees a lightsaber exit his right shoulder and the base has entered him above his left hip. Both of them fall dead and the graveyard is silent again as it was before the match started.

An ewok spear slowly moves from between Grievous's dead feet, clearly the cause of his stumble. A voice from behind a tombstone quietly asks:

“Where's the Beef?”

Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs George Washington's Slaves

George Washington's Slaves are: Catwoman, (Black Lantern) Superman, Gollum, Movie Bumblebee, Scorpion, Human Smoke, Bebop, Rocksteady, Gonzo the Great, Kamilla the Chicken, Chuck Norris, Steve Yzerman, and Ninja #1.

Beckerman Presents: Mickey Mouse's Grindhouse: Nekron, The Zombie Priest, zombie General Zod ,The Zombieland crew (Tallahasse w/red lightsaber, Little Rock w/M202A1 FLASH rocketlauncher, Columbus and Wichita),Chris Redfield, Leon Kennedy, Sheeva Alomar, Albert Wesker, Dementor #8, Deadman , Smurf #9 "Roster Filler",Treasure Troll #9- 1, and Jar Jar Binks.

The two teams are lead to the graveyard by Paul Bearer. The Journey takes them through jungles, deserts, frozen wastelands , over mammoth mountains, and even into the very core of the playoff planet. They arrive at a black lake and are met by Kharon.

Kharon: You must all pay a toll and give up a life before you can enter. I promise if your soul makes it out alive Ill give you your life back. Well so long as you have you receipt.

Nekron: Ehh Excuse me. Some of us don’t have any lives to spare.

Kharon : Oh that’s not a problem, this is the spirit realm of the FFL. You will still be able to compete at for full potential, just if you die, you stay here for good, and I get to keep your deposit.

Nekron : This is outrageous!

Kharon: oh boo hoo , get on the boat, ugly!

The two teams pile into Kharon’s tiny little gondola.. The boat ride is the last and most arguess part of the journey. They are not allowed to engage in battle until they reach the battlefield, This leaves them with nothing to do for two hours but talk s**t and tell chuck Norris jokes.

BL Superman: I bet you really think you gonna tear it up out there don’t you.

Nekron: Phhh well ,yea. I mean come on this is kinda my spot.

BL Superman: listen here turkey, Home field advantage don’t mean s**t to BL Kal-El!

Nekron: All I got to do is say one word playa.

BL Superman: I'll Rip your f**kin jaw off before you can even think of sayin s**t B**ch!

Nekron: MUAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

BL Superman: Aww so you think that’s funny huh, well you won’t think it’s so funny when I hold you down a skull F…

Albert Wesker: WOAW! Guys come on lets save it for the field.

BL Superman: SHUT UP WHITE BOY!

Wesker looks around at everyone with a puzzled look on his face. Nekron is still now not only laughing at BL Superman but he is pointing as well. This enrages BL superman and causes him to jump behind the boat and pushes it to shore in the blink of an eye. He lunges for Nekron But is caught by the Black Lantern Entity in midair. Just before Nekron can say "Die," Tallahassee slices of his jaw with his lightsaber.

Tallahassee: Sorry big man I can’t have you go killin us all now.

Nekron releases BL superman who flees for his life. Nekron franticly searches the ground for his severed jaw. The Zombie Priest Raises Nick Houslander, John stewart, and Count Dooku from the grave, but before he can command them to do anything the Zombieland crew and the resident evil crew blow them away.

Tallahassee: I Hate Zombies and isn’t that interference.

The Zombie Priest: No you asshole is raised them from the dead, they were my minions.

Chris Redfield: Hey that is not cool. That’s just not cool bro.

Columbus: You man you can’t just go around raising people from the dead, it’s immoral and it creeps me the f**k out.

The Zombie Priest: But that’s my thing.

Tallahassee: Too bad.

As they are all arguing BL Superman has composed himself and targets them all. he flies in and takes the Zombie Priest out with a blast of heat vision, then he rips out each zombie killers heart one by one as they charge him. Unfortunately for everyone Nekron has found his jaw and managed to reattach it.

He takes a drink of water and then whispers “DIE”.

All combatants except the Black lantern God die instantly.

Season 6: Week 2. Horsemen of Apocalypse vs. The Red Army

The Horsemen are: Superman, Dracula, Pinhead, Jason Voorhies w/blue lightsaber, Leatherface,
Black Hand, and Bruno Sammartino.
The Red Army is: Vampire Orion, Jared Nomak, The Cullen Family (Indigo Lantern Carlisle, Star
Sapphire Esme, Emmett, Alice, Jasper Hale, and Rosalie Hale) Cole Sear w/Soul Gem, Yellow
Lantern Madame Blanc, Red Lantern Miss Tanner, Red Lantern Helena Markos, Susperia witches
#1-5, Angel w/blue lightsaber, and Spike.

A crisp night and a full moon with a chill that never quite leaves. Death herself permeates the FFL
Graveyard. Superman kneels alone in front of a tombstone. "I should have been there when you
died. I should have been there to protect you. I wasn't. I couldn't be. Hopefully, I can find some
way to honor you while I'm here Kara." Kal-el takes a moment to himself before returning to
what was once the Horsemans meeting. "Bruno, where did everybody go?"

"The Dracula and Pinhead, they say they have the score to settle. Jason and the Leatherface
go to the woods, and the Black Hand wander off through the tombstones. Looks like it is just
you and me!" say Bruno. "I expected as much. Let's just hope they can get the job done. I don't
want to be here any longer than I have to." says Superman, as he quickly scans the horizon with
telescopic vision. "Get ready Bruno." warns Superman, heralding the arrival of Vampire Orion,
and Jared Nomak. "I'll be back when I can." says Kal-el, grabbing Vampire Orion and Nomak as he
flies upward out of sight.

Superman flies into space with Vampire Orion and Nomak in tow. Jared Nomck is thrown into the
Sun immediately, although he disintegrates long before he gets there. "Orion, we were friends,
once. Surrender." "That was a lifetime ago. I barely recall our friendship. I am sorry Kal." explains
Orion. "No, old friend, I am." says Superman with regret. Superman lunges at Orion with all of his
speed, but is halted with a full blast of Orion's Astro-Force, stopping him in his tracks. Superman
shakes off the searing pain and counters with a blast of heat vision while flying forward. He
punches Orion and shatters the New God's helmet. In this proximity to the Sun, Vampire Orion
quickly burns. "You deserved better than this." laments Superman as he flies back to Earth.

Meanwhile, back at the Graveyard, the Suspiria witch coven #1-5 are gathered together around
a campfire. "I don't think this is what we're supposed to be doing. Aren't we supposed to be
setting up a spell or something?" asks witch #2 "Who cares?" replies Suspiria witch #4. I didn't
join an all-girls school to be a witch, or whatever." raising an eyebrow. CH-CH-CH HA-HA-HA. "Did
you hear that?" wonders Suspiria witch #3 aloud. "It's just the wind." replies Suspiria witch #1.
CH-CH-CH HA-HA-HA. "There it is again." says Suspiria witch #3 trailing off. Jason's blue lightsaber
chops SW 2 and 3 in half. "I can..." says SW #4 before Leatherface's chainsaw rudely interrupts.
They hack the remaining witches into bits like men possessed. Flashes of light appear as Yellow
Lantern Madame Blanc, Red Lantern Miss Tanner, and Red Lantern Helena Markos arrive at
the scene. "This will certainly set our plans back a bit. No matter, there are always more girls to
use." comments Helena as Miss Tanner and Madame Blanc nod in agreement. Pinhead suddenly
appears. "Greetings ladies, I hear that you have been attempting to lay a claim on Hell. I dispute
your claim." warns Pinhead. Jason and Leatherface stand silent, as the Headmistresses of
Suspiria also do nothing. Seriously, nothing is happening. They say that the scary part of Suspiria
is not what actually happens, but the anticipation of what will occur. So... scared yet? Didn't
think so. Let's move on to another part of the battlefield before we all die of boredom.

The gathering of the Red Army's vampires is far more lively, despite the fact that vampires are
technically undead. Spike and Angel from "Buffy" are relentlessly mocking the Cullen family. "I
can't believe we're stuck with these... ae they even vampires?" "Not really" says Angel. "From
what I understand, the author didn't even do any research into vampire lore. I mean, what
the hell? I know! I'll write a book all about King Arthur, but instead of Camelot, it's on a space
station, and instead of a man, he's a squid. But he's still a king, and his name is Arthur, so it's

all good. Pay me." "Whoa... ix-nay on the ace-spay quid-say. Alan Moore might sue your ass."
comments Spike. "And why is this stupid kid with us, anyway? He's not even a vampire. I don't
get it." "Haven't you ever seen the Sixth Sense. That's Cole Sear" says Angel. "What? The "I see
dead people" kid? In a graveyard? He's probably too scared to do anything but piss himself."
replies Spike, shaking his head. "Maybe that soul gem that they gave him could help him with
that. I mean it's gotta do something, right? I hear those Infinity Gems are pretty useful." ponders
Angel. "I guess." says Spike, clearly annoyed. "Man, if only we weren't on the same team. I would
show these pretenders what a true vampire can do."

"That can be arranged." says Dracula as he enthralls the two. The 3 traditional vampires charge
the Cullens. Indigo lantern Carlisle looks to Star Sapphire Esme. "No matter what happens, our
souls will remain together forever." Esme answers, "Entwined for eternity, my love". This causes
Dracula. Angel, and Spike to halt the charge to projectile vomit. "This is pure torture!" coughs
Dracula. "My legend, cultivated over centuries based on fear and terror, reduced to a tween love
story!" "Now's our chance! Let's get them!" shouts Emmett Cullen, as he and Rosalie run to the
fallen vampires. "No! You fools! Stick together!" yells Jasper Hale. Pinhead joins the fight as
chains burst from seemingly nowhere, rending Emmett and Rosalie to pieces. "For vampires, you
have weak stomachs. Get up." Pinhead calmly states. "You're lucky. You didn't have to see that
disgusting scene." says Dracula rising. "Speaking of missing scenes, where have you been?" "Wait
for it," smirks Pinhead. "No, we are all tired of Suspiria. We are all sick of waiting!" screams
Spike. "Just. Do. Something." "Fine, but there are many horror fans that would disagree. In fact,
many film critics consider it to be a top 10..." "Enough!" The 3 vampires cut off Pinhead mid-
sentence. "Okay, okay... Philistines." replies a dejected the Pinhead, raising his arm. The lifeless
bodies of Jason and Leatherface swing down from the nearest tree on Nooses. Their bodies are
mutilated to varying degrees. I must say, the gore is very impressive. "You killed our teammates?
I mean, it's better than waiting, but you couldn't think of anything more productive?" questions
Dracula. "I didn't kill them, the witches did." counters Pinhead. "Trust me, it's scarier for
everyone this way." Dracula rolls his eyes, "Just tell us what happened with the other witches, so
we can end this damn Suspiria angle once and for all." "Fine, it's not my fault you can't
appreciate excellent cinematography." retorts Pinhead raising his other arm. A rain of blood that
once belonged to the three now deceased Headmistresses begins to trickle down from the
sky. "Here they are now. Notice the vivid color that they add to the scene. It mixes in nicely with
the lighting and really sets the tone." "Yeah, great but now those Cullens kick even more ass
thanks to bloodlust, you dope." states Angel. "And you don't?" answers Pinhead. "Oh, yeah..
good job" realizes Angel. Dracula, aided by the still enthralled Angel and Spike, are revived by the
blood rain and continue the charge to battle. indigo lantern Carlisle, star sapphire Esme, and
Alice Cullen, as well as Jasper Hale, meet them in the middle for a furious battle.

Pinhead remains behind, preferring to attack from a distance. His chains appear again, quickly
dismembering Alice Cullen. Pinhead targets Jasper, but before he can act, he feels a tug on his
leather costume. "Hey mister. I know you weren't always a bad guy. Why are you so mad Elliot?
asks Cole Sear as the soul gem sparkles. Hearing his real name, combined with the power of the
soul gem, reverts Pinhead to his human form, Elliot Spencer. Elliot is horrified by his actions as
Pinhead, but his suffering is short lived, as Jasper Hale punches through his chest.

Bruno Sammartino finally joins the fight. He grabs Cole Sear, and puts him in a Boston Crab. "I
no kill you kid, but you don't use the magic whammy either!" says Bruno, applying pressure and
keeping Sear in just enough pain to ruin his concentration. Jasper puts an end to this by ripping
Sammartino in half. Jasper turns to join the battle at hand, but he and Cole are both felled by a
red and blue blur, their hearts ripped from their chests.

The battle of the vampires resumes. "Esme, use the ring." advises Carlisle. "Of course dear." he
replies. "Dracula, even one as a vile as yourself must have experienced some kind of love. Let it
guide you." Esme Cullen's star sapphire ring encases Dracula in a violet crystal, ending his mental

sway over Spike and Angel. "Ugh, my head is pounding. Maybe you fake vampires aren't so bad
after all." admits Angel. Dracula frees himself, shattering the violet crystal. "Your parlor tricks
cannot stop me. I will not feel love. I only yearn to be feared. You will bow to your true master!"
commands Dracula. "Get real, old man. You are way outnumbered, unless you can't count,
Dracula. Get it?" laughs Spike, who is met with a collective groan.

Indigo lantern Carlisle and Star Sapphire Esme Cullen stand beside Angel and Spike, confronting
a lone Dracula. "I can even the odds a bit. announces Black Hand. Dracula looks less than
pleased, "I have the patience of an immortal, and yet you still try mine. What kept you?" "I
was picking out a very special present for our new friend." explains Hand, which brings out a
rare smile from death's avatar. "I thought you had seen her earlier, but I suppose she's fast,
even by your standards." "What have you done, Hand?" inquires Superman, finally returning
from the initial battle in space. Due to his super hearing, he has been privy to the entire
conversation. "Just a little something to welcome you to the team, hero." answers Black Hand. "I
hope you like it."

Spike and Angel drop suddenly as their hearts are yanked from their chests. A bloody Black
Lantern Supergirl stops upon seeing Kal-el. "KAL! You're here! I was beginning to think that you
might not be back. I know you've missed me. I heard you talking about me earlier. Black Hand
granted your wish when he gave me this ring. We can be together again!" "Kara," whispers
Superman has he looks at it a newly resurrected Black Lantern Supergirl. A single tear rolls down
the face of the Man of Steel. "Kal? Why are you crying? Isn't this what you wanted? To have
a family again?" Sadness gives way to rage as Superman's eyes burn red and his heat vision
exterminates Black Lantern Supergirl. This blast is so powerful that it rips through everything in
its path, also finishing the remaining members of the Red Army, as well as his teammate Dracula.
Black Hand is stunned by this display. "You... you didn't like my gift? Many have begged me for
this opportunity. They have..." Superman cuts Black Hand off mid sentence, grabbing him by the
thoat. "Hal has mentioned you before, and he's told me of your wishes, too. Lucky for you, I'm in
a very giving mood. It's only fair." says Superman squeezing tighter. "But not today William." He
throws Black Hand to the ground. "If you or any of the horseman try something like that again,
I will find a fate worse than death for all of you. In your case, Black Hand, that is life. Spread the
word, William." ends Superman, flying away from the battlefield into a bleak night sky.

The Horsemen of Apocalypse vs The Red Army: Prologue 2

The Electric Boogaloo.
The Red Army is standing around as if waiting for something to happen. Nothing does. More
time ticks away before the vampire Spike of Buffy fame stands. "Really? I have to be the one
to say it?" He shouts with his arms raised. "Where the f*** is our prologue? I mean, damn,
that's almost a death sentence in this league! Why don't any of you losers have a compelling
story to expound upon? Dammit!" He screams before taking out his aggression on an innocent
a locker. The vampire Angel lets Spike tire before speaking. "Chill man, we got something."
he says pointing towards the trio of star sapphire Carlisle Cullen, Esme Cullen and Susperia
Witch number 1 with indigo lantern ring. Carlisle has convinced SW 1 to give him a ring. As she
has the ring over she explains, "I'm not sorry to be rid of it. If you're not a good person, they
control you. They change you. Now I'm free. And I'm about sick of saying 'Nok" all the time." "I
will take that chance," says Carlisle taking the Indigo ring. "And with this ring" he continues,
handing the star sapphire ring to Esme, "I thee Wed." "I do." Esme replies, slipping on the ring
as the two passionately embrace. Spike races to vomit in the nearest trash can, as do half of
The Red Army roster. "Hey man, you asked for it." Says Angel between dry heaves.

Breaking News!

Greetings loyal neuve sports fanatics, I'm ESPN 9 special correspondent nude Teri Hatcher with...*sigh* a breaking nudesflash. We here at nueve sports have just received footage from the Event Horizon's black boxes showing exactly what transpired about the doomed vessel. Take a look.

"NA NA NA NANA NA. NUHNUHNUHNUH NA NAAAAAA. NA NA NANA NA NA NUTBUSTERS!!!! HAHA. Get it guys??!!! That can be our rally song! I just replaced the word 'ghost' with 'nut' since our team name is the Nut-Busters!!! So, we're like as cool as the Ghostbusters cause our song is like their song!!! Get it??!!! NA NA NA NANA NA. NUHNUHNUHNUH NA NAAAAAA...." sings the Annoying Orange

" 'Es been singing dat song for de last FOUR. HOURS. Can nobody shut em up?" Gambit asks the rest of his team. "Elf, you get any luck openin' dat door on de udder side?"

"None, Gambit." replies AoA Nightcrawler. We're totally sealed in. I don't know what caused that door to slam shut, but I can get any of the controls to respond. We're pretty much trapped"

"Heh heh. Hey guys!" the Orange interrupts "Hey. Hey. HEY. Hey. Did you see Dos get cut in half by the airlock door as it came down? Do we call him Quatro now? Cause, there's two of him now, and when there was one we called him Dos. But there's two of him down, and if you double two you get four, and four in Spanish is..."

"ENOUGH!" screams Dexter Morgan, letting his mask of calm, cool collectedness slip.  Dexter whips out his favorite knife and plunges it into the Orange, cutting him in two.

"Thank God!" exclaims Alexandra DeWitt " I don't know how much more I could...Oh. My. GOD!!!"

Alex discovers, to the horror of the crew that cutting the Orange in half didn't kill him. It only created TWO of him.

"Heh. Whoa. Looks like I'm the new Dos around here." the Orange says "I'm really beside myself here. Get it? Cause there's two of me now?"

"Haha. I get it!" replies his other half "There's two parts of you, and their beside eachother. So, you're beside yourself. That's hilarious. Hahaha."

"Yeah. Wanna hear anot-"


*kkssshhhhh*

Ok, sorry folks. Nude Teri Hatcher, back again, but I can't take anymore of that Annoying Orange. We all know what ends up happening anyway. I'm being told the tape goes on for another 2 hours, and it's all the Orange with his terrible, awful jokes and joke explainations. It sounds to this reporter like death ended up being a blessing for the Nut-Busters. No one should have to endure the level of torture the Annoying Orange inflicts on people.

This has been an ESPN 9 breaking nudesflash, I'm nude Teri Hatcher. We now return you to synchronized crochet.  

A "Spoiler Sport" special announcement.

Welcome, WELCOME! Welcome to the FFL Funeral Parlor. I'm your caretaker of lost souls, Paul Bearer. I'll be keeping you up to date on just how close the various teams around the league are to bringing back some of our departed combatants back to the land of the living, and which teams are going to have to send more souls to the great beyond in order to revive the fallen.

As you all know, the prize for winning your various football games in week one was 10 graveyard points. Quite the boon, for playing ball. Here are the current standings with those 10 points added in. Teams are listed in order of highest amount of points, to lowest.

Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse - 46
Shemalabama's Shit Kickers -32
Team Sleeping Pussy - 26
Horsemen of Apokolips -22
TEAM - 22
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets -22


Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve -14

Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties & Cats Living Together to Make a
New Family -12

The Transfoamers - 12

President Barack Obama & Taylor Swift's Red Army -10
George Washington's Slaves -10
The Royal Highness -10
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies -9

Griswold's Nut Busters -6
The Empire - 0
Griffin's High Maintance Dope Fiends & Destroyers - 0

Ooooooohhhhhh YYYYEEEESSSSSSS. I can already feel those souls starting to stir! Well see what happens next week and what team will be harnessing MORE of the power from beyond! For EEEEESPN 8, I'm brother Paul Bearer. I'll see YOU on the next "Spoiler Sport"


OOOOOHHHHH YYYYEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSSS!!

HE'S BACK BEOTCHES!!

Our former Commish and long time staff Watcher is going to be coming out of semi-retirement to take over the updating of the rosters, so they can be neat, clean, updated, and back on the right side of the blog, just like all of you cry-babies like. Ryan is a busy dude and will be doing this whenever he feels like it, and at his own conveniance. This is a huge help to me, and the league. Soooooo, if anybody gives him any crap, I will personally come to your house; and upper deck your toilet (trust me, unlike the roster updates; that excursion I will make time for).

Snoogans,

-Josh