UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XVII: DELIRIOUS DOGFIGHT

            The U.S.S. Enterprise shuttle lurches across the sky as the Quinjet repeatedly knocks into the vessel.  Both Vampire Jean Grey and Professor X reject the attempts of White Suit Anakin Skywalker to crash their ship.

            Skywalker manages to gain the upper hand and juts into the shuttle, causing the craft to spin out of control.  The telekinetic skills of both Grey and Xavier save the ship from crashing into the ground below.  The shuttle skims the surface of the land while the Quinjet keeps pace directly on top of the liner.  

            Skywalker takes advantage of the congruous positions of the ships.  The Jedi punches the automatic controls of the skiff, steps to the edge of the Quinjet and falls toward the shuttle below, completing a perfect acrobatic flip before landing on top of the skiff. 

            “Jean!” exclaims Professor X.

            “On it Charles,” says Grey in immediate response.

            Grey instantaneously unlatches her safety belt and rushes to the shuttle door.  As Skywalker ignites his lightsaber and begins to cut a hole in the vessel’s top, Grey floats from the shuttle door and lands on its’ top.  The undead woman then immediately uses her telekinetic ability to throw Skywalker off the shuttle.    Miraculously, Skywalker twists and lands back on his Quinjet without missing a beat. 

            Grey follows Skywalker to the Quinjet and sets down perfectly on the ship’s deck.

            “You may still be a fantastic pilot,” smirks Grey, “but you are a fraud nonetheless; unless the suit is black, who gives a frak.”

            The two combatants tussle.  Skywalker momentarily impales Grey in the stomach with his lightsaber.  The results of this action are fruitless since she is not human.  She laughs and races toward Skywalker.  Skywalker uses the force to pinpoint the precise location necessary to turn his opponent into dust.  Grey uses her telepathy to read Skywalker’s intended move and at the last second, flips, pushing down on his shoulders while coming around and ripping off his helmet with all of her vampire-enhanced strength.

            Skywalker crumbles to the deck of the Quinjet, wheezing for breath.   

            “It’s all in the suit,” smiles Grey as she rips into Skywalker’s throat, sucking the life’s essence from his jugular.  Grey wipes the blood from her mouth, leaps and enters the shuttle bay door into the ship. 

            “Well done, Jean,” beams Professor X.

            “Thank you, Charles,” replies Grey, finding a speck of blood on her cheek and then licking it from her finger. 

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XVI: THE MYSTERIOUS MODULE

            The remaining members of the Sinister Six emerge from the teleportation circle’s cylinder of light.

            “These make it a whole lot easier to move from the different regions now that the new Watcher has placed the circles around the planet,” says Electro.

            “Agreed,” says Doctor Octopus.  “I. . .”

            Before the tentacled villain is able to finish his sentence, a Technodrome transport module crashes into the building just to the south of where the five Highness combatants are located.

             “Let’s play!” the Hobgoblin cackles as he rides his glider toward the site.  Electro, Doctor Octopus, Mysterio and Sandman race behind. 

            The five quickly reach the area of the crash.  They enter the building and notice the gigantic holes on the floors both above and below, ending with the decimated module in the basement.  After an initial inspection, the building appears to be a multi-faceted laboratory with no shuttle survivors in existence.

            “No one could have lived through this,” states Mysterio.

           “Yes, they could,” says Doctor Octopus.  “Remember this is the Universe Bowl.  Anything can happen.   Explore the area and make sure that either no one was on the vessel, or that no one survived,” orders Ock.

            Each of the Sinister members explores a different floor of the complex.  Mysterio moves through the basement; Sandman walks the first level;   Electro scopes the third; Doctor Octopus inspects the fourth and Hobgoblin flies over the top of the building. 

***

            “I sense the coming storm,” states Annihilus.  “You reach the Technodrome’s module.  I will stay.”

            John McClane jumps into the Attack Trak and drives toward the impact site.  As he reaches the location, he notices the Hobgoblin flying above the roof.  McClane rushes to the vehicle’s turret and fires at the mercenary.  A spattering of projectiles strikes the Hobgoblin’s glider.  The villain looks down and begins to throw bombs at McClane and his vehicle.  Electro surges out of the third floor in order to assist his teammate.  In unison, Electro electrocutes the vehicle while Hobgoblin barrages it with his bombs.  The Attack Trak blows up, throwing McClane across the lot.  McClane escapes the wreckage and although armed, rushes into the laboratory in an attempt to flee his enemies. 

     
            “The cowboy cop is in the building!” screams Electro. 

             “Who?” asks Sandman. 

            “What?” requests Mysterio.

            The Hobgoblin shouts through the windows, “McClane!!!”

            Mysterio begins to cautiously walk up the steps to the first floor when he suddenly notices foot prints across the stairs leading into the basement.  He turns around as he believes to hear a sound across the room toward a partially obstructed area. 

            McClane used his skills to create a false path toward the basement.  He crouches behind a table, focused on the liquid nitrogen cylinder next to Sandman on the first level.

            “Yippee Ki Yay,” hollers McClane as he repeatedly fires his gun at the liquid nitrogen.  The cylinder is methodically struck, causing bursts to strike Sandman.  The tank eventually explodes due to the outgoing pressure and Sandman becomes solidified granules.  McClane fires again at his enemy and Sandman explodes into hundreds of pieces which cannot reform due to their frozen state.

            Mysterio rushes up the stairs and sees a permanently dispersed Sandman 

            McClane looks to Mysterio and turns around, failing to escape the Hobgoblin’s pumpkin bomb.   McClane is gripped by the arms of Doctor Octopus. 

            “Time to die,” states Doc Ock.

            Electro touches a finger to McClane’s face and sends a controlled electrical charge throughout the policeman’s body, frying McClane in place. 

            “Now we are two down!” shouts Doctor Octopus.  “Where the hell were you?” he directs toward Mysterio.

            “I thought I heard something,” the illusionist answers.

            “Clean off that dome so you can hear before I rip it off!” mutters Doctor Octopus.

            Mysterio shrugs at the insult and joins his teammates, looking forward to the next battle.

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XV: AGONIZING ANTICIPATION

            The Anti-Monitor, Phoenix, Hope Summers and Exodus float outside of the Playoff Planet’s metropolis section. 

            “I fail to understand why while we have been instructed to sit aside,” opens Exodus, “while our team is annihilated.”

            “One-Above-All, Dracula, Rayner,” says Phoenix, “. . . gone.”

            “Others have survived,” responds Summers.  “Yoda, Thanos, Joseph, Skywalker. . . all still formidable assets.”

            “Do not forget,” the Anti-Monitor begins before a loud explosion interrupts his speech. 

            The four look to the city and see a Technodrome transport module crash into a building.

            “It is time,” states the Anti-Monitor.

 

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XIV: REPTILE ROADKILL

            “Hit the replay b%&ch!” orders Wish Bear.  

What you gon' do with all that junk?

                                                       All that junk inside your trunk?
                                                      I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
                                                      Get you love drunk off my hump.

                                                                           ***

            “The team calls little one,” starts BL Albus Dumbledore looking down at Yoshi.  “I believe it best if I speed ahead and allow you to reach the match in your own time.”

            Yoshi squeaks in response.  BL Dumbledore scratches the lizard’s head and smiles.  The lantern then rises above the ground and soars ahead.

            Yoshi’s tail wags at his master and he begins to merrily hop along the middle of the road.

***

            The pimpmobile races along the street; its radio continues to blare.  

What you gon' do with all that a$$?
All that a$$ inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream,
Make you scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)

            “Hey, what the f#ck is that in the road up ahead?” asks Friend Bear.

            “It’s a motherf#ckin’ squirrel is what that is!” says Bedtime Bear.

            “A squirrel ain’t that large you dumbf#ck!” exclaims Friend. “. . . and a squirrel ain’t green!”

            “Road kill nonetheless,” states Wish Bear, slamming the gas pedal to the floor.

“Hit that f#cker!!!” screams an excited Bedtime Bear.

Yoshi is distracted and fails to notice the careening vehicle as he uses his prehensile tongue to capture a large insect.  He is unable to react in time with a flutter jump. The lizard’s body tumbles underneath the tires and is brutally shattered, leaving a blood infested skid mark along the road beneath.

            “Damn b%&ch!  That was bada$$!!!” exclaims Friend Bear.

            “Just shut the f#ck up and turn up the tunes! Autoplay b%&ches!!!” says Wish Bear.

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that a$$?
All that a$$ inside them jeans?
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XIII: PANDEMONIUM IN THE PLAINS

            A 1989 Chevy Cavalier driven by a trio of bears speeds across the asphalt in the middle of a grassy area.  They all fail to notice that their vehicle almost struck Destroyer, who is walking across the road.  As the sight of the car fades into the distant hills, the Asgardian weapon finishes crossing the street.  

            As the construct reaches the earthy ground on the other side of the road, a projection of scorching lava blasts Destroyer’s leg.  As a result of the attack, Destroyer notices the singed and somewhat melted appendage.  He looks up at the cause and recognizes Geo-Force.  Brion Markov stands on a knoll approximately twenty yards from Destroyer; the man grins at his achievement. 

            In response to one of its legs being damaged by Geo-Force, Destroyer’s visor slowly opens and emits a disintegration beam.  Geo-Force dodges the projection and manipulates the air surrounding the giant to create a “plus gravity” atmosphere.  Destroyer cannot move without severe difficulty.

            “I have a question for you,” quips Geo-Force.  “Why did Destroyer cross the road?”

            Geo-Force is met without a response.

            “To be demolished on the other side!”

            Geo Force unleashes a barrage of lava blasts which melt the weapon.  The founding hero of the Outsiders turns around since his task is accomplished.   He suddenly lurches and gasps.  Geo-Force’s head lulls down only to find his body being impaled by a glistening sword handled by the Witch King of Angmar.  The Black Captain twists the sword around, disemboweling Markov. 

            A fierce, triumphant screech is emitted from the Lord of the Nazgul as a dead Geo-Force falls upon his own intestines.  

 

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XII: THE FIERY FIRMAMENT

            “I am exhausted,” claims Charles Xavier.  “I can no longer maintain the functionality of the entire ship with only you and I.”

            “What does that mean?” asks Vampire Jean Grey.

            “It means that the next phase of our plan must commence immediately,” says Professor X.  “Jean, make your way to the hangar bay before I implement the self destruct sequence and collision course setting with the Technodrome.”

            “Don’t spout your male bravado at me Charles,” scoffs Grey.  “The Captain doesn’t have to go down with the ship.  Not on my watch, that is.”

            After a few minutes of knob pulling and button pushing, a metallic voice sounds overhead.

            “Self destruct sequence initiated.  T-Minus ten minutes. . .”

***

            BL Thanos stares at the U.S.S. Enterprise in his view screen.  He notices that the starship is on a collision course with his Technodrome.

            “Evasive action!” shouts BL Thanos.

            The Enterprise smashes into the Technodrome. 

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” screams BL Thanos aboard the devastated Horsemen ship.

Before the two vessels explode in a fiery apocalypse, a small shuttle shoots from the hangar bay of the Enterprise.  The pair of Professor X and Vampire Jean Grey looks at the destruction caused by the crash and smile.   

***

Outside of the annihilation, Ursa and Rayner fight a violent battle against one another.  Parallax-Rayner lashes out at Ursa with a heavy curtain of yellow constructs.  Ursa is repeatedly assaulted, but manages to successfully land a few of her own strokes on Rayner.  Rayner eventually gains an upper hand on the Phantom Zone villain.  He manages to wound Ursa, who cringes at the sight of actually being harmed by her foe.  As Rayner attempts to deal a death blow to Ursa, the skirmish is joined by Eradicator.  Eradicator’s computer enhanced analytical capabilities focus on the weak points of the Rayner-Parallax hybrid.  Eradicator manipulates the “fear” energy surrounding the Rayner-Parallax combination.  The Kryptonian being then converts and releases a refocused, albeit opposite energy form which engulfs Rayner-Parallax.  The being is imbibed with opposing energies, which, in turn, rips him apart.  An explosion of white light occurs, destroying both the entity and its host. 

“Thanks,” a weakened Ursa says to Eradicator.

Eradicator acknowledges the appreciation and flies onward.  As Ursa is about to join her teammate, she is confronted by both Scar and Krona.  The combined psionic abilities of the pair are too much for a diminished Ursa.  The former Guardians release a barrage of blasts which holds the Kryptonian in place, while destroying her at the same time.  Ursa cannot escape her fate.  Her last sight is that of the Doomsday trio approaching to assist her.  They are too late as Ursa dies at the hands of the Oans.   

Immediately after the death of Ursa, Doomslayer, Steel Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday unleash an animalistic fury upon both Scar and Krona.  A battered Krona still manages to blast a psionic pulse that surges through Superboy Doomsday.  Superboy Doomsday attempts to clear his head and is unable to do so before Krona uses his enhanced telekinetic ability to focus his own fist to smash through Superboy Doomsday’s face.  Superboy Doomsday crumples and falls.  In response to their brethren’s death, Steel Doomsday and Doomslayer combine their brute strength and powers to decimate Krona. 

While focused on Krona, the Doomsday duo fails to notice Scar fly away from the fracas and toward Flamebird.  The two women discuss a strategy to destroy the Doomsdays.  After a hurried conversation, the women soar toward the Doomsdays.   Eradicator blockades the duo and immediately kills Scar.  Flamebird ricochets from the area and strikes Steel Doomsday.  After a pitched fight, Flamebird manages to destroy the incarnation of the alien beast, using all of her Kryptonian abilities.  As she begins to fly away, she is met by both Doomslayer and Eradicator.   Flamebird’s screams shatter the clouds as she is ravaged by the duo.

As Flamebird’s body plummets, Eradicator and Doomslayer fly together and meet the shuttle carrying both Professor X and Vampire Jean Grey.  The four glide away and fail to notice the ground below.  Beneath the rubble of the Technodrome a gauntlet reaches toward the sky.

         

 

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XI: THE SUPERIOR SKIES

             The U.S.S. Enterprise and Technodrome face one another, hovering in the skies above the Playoff Planet.  Aboard the Federation vessel, Charles Xavier sits in the Captain’s chair and looks to Superboy Doomsday.  Superboy Doomsday nods his head and presses a button on an access panel.  As the shaft opens, Superboy Doomsday grabs a piece of slow Kryptonite.

            “Are you sure Jessica?” asks Xavier.

            “My current powers are spectacular, but with the slow Kryptonite. . . I’ll be superior,” says Spider Woman.

            “As you wish,” states Xavier as he acknowledges the transformation which is about to transpire.

            Spider Woman holds the slow Kryptonite in her right hand and the Kryptonian powers are imbibed within Jessica Drew’s essence.  A newly enhanced Spider Woman joins her comrades, Ursa, Superboy Doomsday, Doomslayer and Steel Doomsday.  

            “We’re missing one,” growls Doomslayer.

            “Not anymore, we’re not,” says Xavier as Eradicator enters the bridge in silence.  Nova smiles at the sight of his team on the bridge.

            “Simply unstoppable,” the Nova Corpsman states.

            The spectacle of sheer power is broken as the Enterprise is barraged with the weaponry of the Technodrome’s missiles and lasers.

            “Evasive action!” demands Xavier.

            Drew quickly resumes her position at the console and her hands move across the board.  In response to her actions, the starship avoids a majority of the fearsome blasts. 

            “Launch torpedoes,” instructs Xavier.

            Vampire Jean Grey smiles as she presses the relevant buttons. 

            The torpedoes weave toward the Technodrome, rock the vessel and shatter two of its laser cannons. 

***

          
            “Phase two,” orders BL Thanos, “advance!”

            A door slides open on the Technodrome and the spirited Horsemen soar from the opening.

***

            “Anticipated,” states Xavier matter-of-factly.  “Commence positions!”

            The super beings, once in front of Professor X, race through the chamber’s doors and out of the vessel.

            “I have both posts Charles,” says Grey.

            “I know you do, Jean,” responds Xavier.

***

            Hovering above both of their respective ships, the foes smile at one another, in anticipation of an epic battle.  Eradicator, Spider Woman, Ursa, Doomslayer, Steel Doomsday, Superboy Doomsday and Nova float above the U.S.S. Enterprise while Flamebird, Krona, Superman, Scar and Kyle Rayner-Parallax hover above the Technodrome. 

            Nova instantly reacts to the sight of his enemy and flies toward Flamebird.  Flamebird smirks as she recognizes Nova as an opponent that is beneath her skills.  Nova circles Flamebird.  She laughs and reaches him in the blink of an eye. Taken off guard at Flamebird’s speed, Nova is slugged by his enemy.  Nova hurtles across the sky and finally manages to slow himself down.  He turns around and, using the remaining portion of the absorbed power of Flamebird’s punch, releases a gravimetric pulse beam at her.  Flamebird screams at the blast’s impact.  She turns around and is met by Spider Woman. 

            “I can get used to this,” Drew states about her new Kryptonian powers.  She punches Flamebird. 

            Flamebird skids across the clouds.  She recovers and glides at the Highness duo.  She focuses on Nova, who awaits her return to battle.  While Nova also focuses on Flamebird, in anticipation of another scrap, Krona flies directly behind the corpsman and unleashes his full power on him.  Nova is knocked unconscious due to the intensity of the blast and begins to fall.  Spider Woman races toward her teammate and catches him.  For Nova’s safety, she begins to carry him back to the Enterprise when she is met by Scar.  Scar lashes out at Spider Woman.  Spider Woman, stunned, drops Nova, who is ripped apart by an incoming Krona. 

            “Nova. . .” mutters a battered Spider Woman.   

 

           Drew turns around and discharges a venom blast at Scar, who is shot across the sky because of the concussive force of the eruption.  Drew then flies at Scar, anticipating a death blow being dealt by herself to the Oan.  Unfortunately, Drew does not reach Scar because she is intercepted by Krona.  Krona catches her by the hair and with his immense strength, rips her head from her body.  The headless Spider Woman follows Nova’s body to the ground below. 

“New powers. . .” says Krona, “same death.”

***

     
“A decisive blow has been dealt,” says BL Thanos to no one in particular in the Technodrome’s main cabin.

***

            “The best is yet to come,” says Xavier from the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

***

            Across the sky, Superman flies at Doomslayer.  The two begin an intense battle of not only superior strength, but of sheer will.  While the two warriors fight one another, Eradicator flies to the skirmish and uses his retained mind influence over the Kryptonian.

            “You are a lost soul Kal-El,” says Eradicator. “You are a being that has been sacrificed before in this league; a soul who has given his life. . .  and who shall do so again.”

            The Man of Steel attempts to break free from Eradicator’s persuasion.  As his mind begins to numb at the thoughts spawned in his head, Steel Doomsday flies behind Superman and presses a piece of red Kryptonite to his chest.  Superman attempts to shake off the effects of the rock, but is unable to do so.  He agonizes as he transforms into an ant headed humanoid. 

            Eradicator hears Professor X in his mind.

            “Well done, my friend,” states Professor X in Eradicator’s technological brain.  “Allow the Dooms to complete the task. . .”

The three Doomsday incarnations, in unison, converge on Superman, and the being also known as Clark Kent, is ravaged by the devastating blows of Steel Doomsday, Superboy Doomsday and Doomslayer. 

            “Once again, son of Krypton,” laughs Steel Doomsday, “your life is ours for the taking.”

***

            Black Lantern Thanos looks at his view screen as the tattered body of a dead Superman falls.  The Mad Titan, never shaken, has a stirring of dread through his body.  

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER X: DOOMSDAY DESTRUCTION

            The angry blare of the klaxons fills the entire bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise.  Beneath the red din of the warning lights sits Professor X in the Captain’s chair.  The telepath looks through the viewport of the ship and sees the immense Technodrome.

            “Jessica. . .  full ahead!” instructs Professor X.

            Jessica Drew responds by pressing the buttons and spinning the knobs on the panel in front of her. 

            “Jean,” starts Xavier.

            “Already on it Charles, arming torpedoes one through four,” says a vampiric Jean Grey.

            “Fire one through four,” states Professor X in a calm demeanor.

            The rockets launch from the hub of the starship and race toward the semi-spherical tank. 

***

            “Brace for impact!” says Black Lantern Thanos aboard the targeted machine.

            The Technodrome, newly retrofitted with anti-gravity boosters, is struck by all four torpedoes.  The Horsemen within are vessel are knocked and thrown around. 

            BL Thanos looks at the view screen and sees one of the Technodrome’s transport modules fall from the mother ship.  

  
            “Who is in that transport module?” questions BL Thanos.

            “No viable life signs,” responds Vulcan at a computer board.

            “A waste,” BL Thanos mutters to himself. “Launch the other modules immediately now that they are properly fitted with their weaponry and see if we can do some true damage to our enemy.”

***

            A pair of modules screams from the Technodrome.  The first transport carries Vulcan, while the other hauls Madelyne Pryor.   The two Horsemen focus on the warp engine nacelles of the Enterprise.  In the first transport, Madelyne Pryor points Lord Voldemort’s magic wand at the port nacelle. 

            “Bombarda Maxima!” shouts Pryor. 

            A wave of light pours from Pryor’s wand and a portion of the port nacelle explodes.  The starship begins to slowly spin due to the port side’s inability to maintain a necessary balance between itself and the starboard side of the ship. 

***

            “Nova,” exclaims Xavier, “you may commence action now.”

            “Will do, Charles,” answers Nova as he runs from the bridge toward a hatch in the starship that will allow him to enter the fray outside. 

***

            Pryor lifts her wand again at the Federation vessel and uses a smashing spell to strike the starboard nacelle this time.  On the opposite side of the ship, Vulcan unleashes a psionic energy construct at the port nacelle.  The Enterprise is battered from both sides. 

***

            “Where is Nova?” exclaims Professor X.

            “I don’t think we need Nova,” says Vampire Jean Grey.  “Look!”

***

            Erupting from the scattered clouds are Ursa, Doomslayer, Steel Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday.  Ursa and Doomslayer attack the transport carrying Pryor while Steel Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday focus on the one ridden by Vulcan.    Instantly, the twin duos strike the ships and decimate both.

            “Aresto momentum,” shouts Pryor who uses both the spell and a telekinetically enhanced protective shield to soften the blow of any debris expelled by the destroyed ship and slow her fall.

            Vulcan easily flies away from his fragmented ship and unleashes an energy blast upon Superboy Doomsday.  The Doomsday incarnation shrugs off the blow and notices Steel Doomsday soaring at their mutual enemy.  Vulcan is about to project a force field to protect himself from the duo, but is not in time.  Both Superboy Doomsday and Steel Doomsday smack into Vulcan at the same time, crushing the mutant’s body between the pair.  Vulcan’s broken body falls from the sky and to the ground. 

            Pryor floats downward from the scene and manages to duck a blow from Ursa.  Pryor begins to mouth “Avada,” but is unable to speak the word “Kedavra” before her throat is crushed from behind by Doomslayer.  Pryor’s dead body joins Vulcan as she drops to the ground below. 

            As Nova is about to enter into the fracas, he notices the surviving Doomslayer, Ursa, Steel Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday.  The five look toward the Technodrome, acknowledge one another in the sky and then fly back to the Enterprise.  The victorious combatants manage to steady the vessel and then enter the starship in order to speak to Xavier and plan their next move. 

            BL Thanos, on the Technodrome, plans the same. 

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER IX: A WATERY WEAPON

            The water casts its glassy reflection as the sun beats down on the waves below.  The aqueous area emits a serenity that is not often seen in any league match.  Suddenly, the calm subsides as three steel poles break the fluid’s surface.  Churning froth follows as a large iron behemoth fractures the stratum.  An immense submarine lifts from the water toward the crystallized beach.  Magneto’s clone, Joseph, stands alone on the sands and grins.

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: PROLOGUE III

             The debris of lost ships falls from the sky, resembling shooting stars.  I recall the losses to both sides; the Kryptonian and Oa deities; the mutant behemoths. Combatants’ lives lost all in the name of a victory to which they will neither see, nor enjoy.  I shake my head at my cynic reflection of the match’s events and the irony which has brought me to this moment.  I continue to walk along a tattered road, ever closer to my locker room.

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER VIII: TURMOIL IN THE TIMBERLAND

            “Scan the area,” states the gruff voice behind the viewport.  “This is where we lost communication with Houslander.”

            “Will do,” responds the doughy, bespectacled man behind the controls of the AT-ST.  The driver looks to the figure who stares through the windshield of the vehicle.  The man’s black gear is emblazoned with a white skull.  The Punisher focuses on the site and nods his head at his friend, Microchip.

            “There,” points Microchip to an AT-ST approximately five hundred yards to their left.  “The AT-ST is stationary. . . The scanner indicates that there are no viable life signatures within the vehicle.”

            The mechanized sounds of the large, two footed vehicle shatters the noise of the forest’s inhabitants as it wades through the terrain. 

            “That’s it alright,” says the Punisher.  The vigilante contemplates the issues associated with their current situation. 

            “I’m going to check it out.  You stay in the vehicle.”

            “No problem boss,” responds Microchip.

            The Punisher leaves the AT-ST, guns drawn, and slowly treads toward Houslander’s AT-ST.   He pulls out a grappling hook from his gear strewn belt and throws it, able to secure the metal onto a latch.  The Punisher climbs the rope and shimmies through the broken window.  He instantly notices Houslander’s gruesome body sitting with a hole in her chest.  Curiously, her hand appears to be in rigor, yet in a position that looks as if it is reaching for a middle panel.  The Punisher manages to open the panel and pulls out a green lightsaber.  Although Houslander was unable to use her weapon in her fight, the Punisher will definitely utilize the weapon should he face any foes.

            The Punisher clips the lightsaber to his belt and begins to climb down the rope.  Suddenly, metal, knife-like projectiles slice into him.  The shiny missiles also manage to shred the rope.  The Punisher falls to the ground, but enters into a perfect barrel roll, armed with the lightsaber.  A slightly wounded Punisher uses his inherent skills to deflect the feathers rocketing toward him from Archangel’s wings.  While Archangel is focused on the Punisher, Microchip presses the trigger of the AT-ST.  The blasts hit the initial X-Factor member, throwing him across the forest.  If not for his enhanced metallic wings, the burst of the AT-ST’s cannons would have killed him.  Microchip continues to barrage Archangel, who manages to avoid a majority of the bursts.  While Archangel shuns the weapons of the Empire’s all terrain vehicle, the Batwing soars into the fray and Red Hood begins to fire at the mutant too. 

            The bombardment of both vehicles is too much for Archangel.  Red Hood’s Batwing shoots a harpoon through Archangel’s left leg.  The X-man screams in agony.  The gun’s line begins to coil, bringing Archangel within the vehicle’s weaponry.  In a fit of self-preservation, Archangel uses his wings to cut into his leg and dislodge the harpoon.  Worthington screams again.   While Archangel focused on freeing himself from his predicament, the Punisher empties a high caliber gun into the mutant’s shoulder region.  Archangel falls to the ground, nearly unconscious due to the loss of blood from his leg and shoulder. 

            Only a short time passes as Worthington is aroused to a semi-conscious state.   He looks up to see the lightsabers of both Red Hood and Punisher.  Archangel slowly rises to his knees, pondering an escape from his current position.  He is not afforded the opportunity.  Although enhanced metal, Red Hood uses his blue lightsaber to sever off the right wing of Archangel while Punisher severs off the mutant’s left wing.  Archangel’s head falls between his knees.  The Highness duo, in unison, lops off the head of Archangel with their lightsabers.  The two then look up at Microchip.

             “You know what to do,” says the Punisher into his communication link with the AT-ST.

            A full barrage of lasers crisps the body of Archangel.  As the Punisher and Red Hood begin to walk back to their respective vehicles, the Quinjet flies to the scene, driven by White Suit Anakin Skywalker.  Skywalker jumps from the Avenger’s vehicle and does two flips in the air, landing perfectly on top of the AT-ST.  Skywalker wastes no time in using his lightsaber to cut a hole in the top of the vehicle.  The Jedi then jumps down to the main cabin.  Skywalker slowly paces toward Microchip.  In an instant, a lightsaber pierces Microchip’s heart. 

            “Nooooo!!!!!” scream the Punisher. 

            Skywalker takes control of the vehicle and sends a fusillade of lasers at the duo.  The two jump into the foliage for cover and in return, Skywalker decides to fight his enemy face-to-face.  The Jedi methodically climbs up the ladder and springs from the vehicle to the ground.  The Punisher leaps from the bushes and fires his guns at his foe.  Skywalker easily deflects the bullets.

            The  Punisher unholsters his lightsaber while Red Hood steps from behind a shrub with his lightsaber ignited.  Skywalker paces toward the pair.

            “I may have white armor,” begins Skywalker, “but. . .”

            Skywalker force leaps next to Red Hood and begins to pummel Todd’s attempted defenses. 

             “. . . I. . .”

  
            Skywalker slices Red Hood in two. 

            “. . . am still. . .”

            Skywalker spins around and lops off the head of the Punisher who is immediately next to the Jedi.

            “SKYWALKER!!!”

            The white suited figure looks at the two men, their lightsabers on the ground next to them.  Knowing that he will not have the need to use more than his own, Skywalker walks over the weapons toward the Quinjet.

UNIVERSE BOWL: CHAPTER VII: ANARCHY AT ARKHAM

            The passing clouds swallow the sun in the plains area of the Playoff Planet.  A short time transpires as the overcast sky becomes a raging gambit of thunder and lightning.  The clown prince shambles through the muddy ground.  Approximately one hundred yards in front of him, the Joker notices a dilapidated barn surrounded by a wooden fence.  He presses against the fence and scans the building.  As a flash of lightning ignites the sky, the Joker now recognizes the structure for what it truly is.  The building morphs into an exact scale replica of Gotham’s famous Arkham Asylum.  The Joker shakes his head in confusion, yet laughs nonetheless.  The jester pushes through the wrought iron gate of Arkham and trots to the lone building, his M202A1 Flash rocket launcher in tow.  Lightning crashes in the sky and the shadow of a twisted clown is spawned from the glare.  The front door creaks as the Joker enters into the building. 

            This truly is Arkham, he says to himself.  What a treat for me! My home turf!

           The Joker slowly paces across the floor.  The deviate cocks his head.  He hears the flapping of wings.  The Joker readies himself for a fight. 

            “Come out.  Come out,” cackles the Joker, “wherever you are!”

            The Vulture swoops down and hits the Joker from behind.  Although the Joker strikes the ground at the impact of the blow, he manages to hold onto his weapon.  The Joker slowly rises from the ground.

            “I heard,” grunts the Joker, “that vulture tastes like chicken!”

            The Joker presses the weapon’s ignition and the rocket screams from the launcher, barely missing the Vulture.

            “Missed me you cackling imbecile!” replies the Vulture.

            “Merely a distraction,” states the Joker in a matter of fact manner as he fires the second rocket into the ceiling above the Vulture. 

            The Vulture is unable to avoid the shockwave of the blast since it throws him to the ground.  While attempting to gain his senses, the area of the ceiling where the rocket struck collapses onto the flying villain.  The Vulture is trapped under the rubble, but he manages to gain ground in his escape.

            “May be overkill,” says the Joker,  “but what the H#ll?”

            The Joker fires another rocket which storms into the rubble, obliterating the Vulture and the area around him.   A green piece of suit, feather and flesh land on the Joker, who wipes the debris from his lapel and, with his finger, puts the detritus under his nose. 

            “Not sure about the taste,” laughs the Joker, “but sure smells like chicken.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

            The Joker begins to walk away from the Vulture’s remains when he notices that the wreckage begins to shudder.  He turns around and aims his weapon at the area.  A layer of sand shimmies from the location toward the Joker.  The sand rises and sculpts itself into the Sandman.  Sandman’s fist solidifies and smacks the Joker across the floor.

            The Joker is slow to rise.  He sees the Sandman walking toward him.  The Joker manages to reach his weapon.

            “Time to fly - pun intended for your dead friend there,” laughs the Joker as he runs down the hall. 

            A pumpkin bomb brushes across Joker’s suit and explodes to his left.  The Joker is rattled, but he manages to turn around long enough to fire a rocket at his pursuer.  The Hobgoblin’s glider easily manages to avoid the projectile and its rider continues his pursuit of the enemy. 

            A symphony of pandemonium erupts as both pumpkin bombs and rockets are launched from the Hobgoblin’s hands and glider at the Joker.  The walls around the duo are decimated and water engulfs the area as something is struck by the projectiles.  

            The Joker lies on the slick ground without his rocket launcher.  As Hobgoblin is about to kill the maniac, his glider is hit from behind by a blue fist.  The Hobgoblin careens out of control and the glider throws its master off.  Kit Fisto, with his blue lantern ring, floats to the skirmish. 

            “You may have bungled the mind of my associate,” says Fisto, “but a Jedi does not succumb to such mind tricks.”

            Electro arcs from behind the Jedi and places both hands around the skull of Fisto.

            “Don’t need mind tricks,” says Electro, “but I’m going to fry your brain anyway.”

            The full amplitude of Electro’s ability rip through Fisto and a bright light of the Horsemen is suddenly and unexpectedly extinguished.  The Joker’s jaw drops in shocked anguish.   The Joker’s twisted mind realizes, that in this league, no matter how powerful of a character one may be, anything can happen. . . and no one is safe.

            The Joker laughs at this terrifying thought.  He then notices four metallic legs curl around the corner. Doctor Octopus stands in front of the Joker.
 

            “I am impressed that an adulterated imbecile such as yourself lasted as long as you did.  What is even more impressive is the fact that your Jedi was of no use to you.  Laughable. . . as are you.   

            The arms of Doctor Octopus surround the Joker.  The Joker’s laughs commence and are soon extinguished as he is ripped apart by the robotic arms. 

            Hobgoblin, Electro, Sandman and Doctor Octopus join Mysterio.  Arkham Asylum slowly dissipates into the shambling barn to which the Joker’s vision truly was. 

            “Never ceases to amaze me. . . ” begins Mysterio, “the human brain.  I have to admit that I am surprised that my toxin I placed on the gate was able to work on a twisted mind such as the Joker, but it has worked before and I’m sure it will work again.  Didn’t even need it for the Jedi; no wonder why Order 66 was so successful. ”