The Syracuse Valley is Soundwave w/ Overkill, Slugfest, Squawk Talk, Beast Box, & (movie) Frenzy, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, Navy Sailor #60-71, Alien Xenomorph #85-90, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, & Casey Jones, Zit, Rash, & Pimple, Hammer Bros. #1 & 2, & Little Goomba #2 & 3.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Hellboy, Kyle Rayner, Hydroman, Jedi Master #20, Starro, Lobo the Duck, Ron Popeil, Doc Brown, Aunt May, Guy Gardner, G’Nort, The Groovy Gang: Ted, Val, Patty, Sonny, & Groovy, & Marines #1-24.
Ron Popeil, along with his new brother from another mother Doc Brown have devised what they call The Ronco Aquatic, gas-propelled, free-floating, open-air, water transport carTM for exclusive use by The Murderflies (maybe I’m missing something, but it looks an awful lot like a big pontoon boat to me). While The Syracuse Valley’s plethora of Decepticons patrol the air the rest of the team are attempting to swim up behind the Ronco transport. The entire Murderfly team is on top of the overloaded Ronco transport except for Hydroman and Starro who are in the water where they feel most comfortable. Soundwave flies over top of the Murderfly transport and ejects Overkill, Slugfest, Squawk Talk, Beast Box, and Frenzy, he drops the 2 goombas onto the platform as well. Aunt May hits Goomba #3 with her umbrella to kill it, but Goomba #2 touches her, so she dies. Groovy the dog then jumps on to Aunt May to avenge his unlikely teammate. While Soundwave’s tapes keep the Murderflies busy The Syracuse Valley begins their sea attack. The 12 Navy Sailors are the unlucky first wave as the skilled swimmers attempt to make their way from the water onto the Ronco transport. The Sailors move fast but The Murderflies 24 Marines led by the battle-hardened 9 death Murderfly FO-Life FFL veteran Marine #1 (Buck) un-sling their M-16’s and mow down the Navy Men before most of them even get out of the water and begin to attack. Only Marine #6 dies in this first wave with all 12 Navy Sailors falling victim to the defensive posture of The Murderflies. Megatron and Starscream fly by at incredible speeds attempting strafing runs on the water bound Starro and Hydro-Man with Megatron screaming in his electronic voice “All will die under the might of Megatron”! Meanwhile Doc Brown hears this and turns to Ron Popeil and to say “Is all the time traveling screwing up my memory”? “I don’t know, why do you ask” Ron answers. “Oh it’s nothing, I just could of swore that we fought Megatron last week”. As Doc Brown then yells “Great Scott” and ducks out of the way The tough as nails FFL All-Star Ron Popeil just shrugs his shoulders and gives that famous Popeil smile that makes everybody want to go out and spend $59.92 on an Electronic Food Dehydrator all over again despite the fact that he has laser blasts and conventional bullets whizzing by his head (war is hell). The Murderflies 3 green lanterns feel that the marines have the boat (excuse me, Ronco Transport) situation under control which is why they take to the air to do battle with The larger Decepticons. Jedi Master #20 is dueling it up with Frenzy while Hellboy is taking aim at the newly formed mini-gestalt of Squawkbox. Lobo the Duck is in the middle of an awkward looking fight with the tape turned Stegosaurus Overkill while Slugfest is pretending he is a real Dinosaur by snacking on Groovy. Everything seems to be as normal as one could possibly expect when The Syracuse Valley’s second wave shows up in 2 groups, one on each side of the transport. This wave is a little bit more effective considering that it consists of the 6 Aliens who have no problem jumping on to the side of the transport despite the oncoming fire from the marines. On the other side the 3 Ninja Turtles are climbing aboard. Casey Jones is supposed to be with them but it isn’t easy to swim in the ocean current with 2 hockey sticks a 3 wood and Louisville Slugger strapped to your back; especially when you are wearing a goalie mask. The Xenomorphs begin ripping thru the ranks of the Marines despite taking on heavy fire from the brave jar heads. Ted lets Patty out of her cage to help in defending the transport but she is quickly trampled to death by Alien #86. Zit, Rash, & Pimple make their way on to the transport and help the water-logged Casey Jones on as well. While Hammer Bros. #1 & 2 climb up over the motor (Oh, come on don’t tell me you forgot about the Hammer Bros.). The Xenomorph’s manage to take out half of the Marines while Hellboy, who just finished off Squawkbox and is now doing battle in what is many an indie-comic geek’s dream with Raphael and Casey Jones. Casey Jones says something not so profound in his stupid Brooklyn accent while he simultaneously and thoroughly pisses off Hellboy by slap shotting The Good Samaritan into the ocean. Hellboy then uses his right hand of doom to show everyone around why the NHL no longer uses those old-fashioned goalie masks as he crushes it along with Casey Jones’ head. Hammer Bros. #1 & 2 tag team Marine #14 by clubbing him to death with digital hammers but his buds Marines #15 & 16 pump the hammer bros. full of hollow points. Sonny yells to Ted “Hey Ted Groovy says we’ve got to help these army guys kill the aliens”. Val replies for Ted with “Groovy’s dead you idiot”. Sonny looks at her and says “Oh, so it was O.K. that I was getting my ideas from a dog, but now that I’m talking to a dead dog, I’m stupid”. The marines, despite their depleted ranks have taken out Aliens #85, 86, 88, & 90. What’s left of The Groovy Gang moves as a unit in an attempt to find out the mystery of the giant toads but instead of getting to the bottom of the mystery they find the bottom of the Battletoads feet, as Zit and Rash boot Val and Sonny in the heads with their giant amphibian feet and Pimple smashes Ted and the already dead Patty’s head’s together, proving that just because you are a serial killer, doesn’t mean you can fight. Donatello and Michelangelo each take out 2 marines while Xenomorph #89 dies in the process of killing one more. Then Soundwave’s 2 tapes that first appeared and partnered up long after any person who has ever seen a vagina stopped watching The Transformers cartoon, Overkill and Slugfest are re-united (cause it feels so good) in their epic battle against Lobo the Duck. The 2 robotic dinosaurs engage in a fierce fight with Ol’ Duckbo despite the fact that if you listen to Wikipedia Lobo the Duck is damn near impossible to defeat. The Main Duck uses his chain to smash Overkill to pieces but in the end Slugfest gets on the back of Lobo the Duck and bites his head off. I don’t remember if I mentioned that Jedi Master #20 came out on top of his fight with Frenzy, so if I didn’t: SURPRISE! Jedi Master #20 came out on top in his fight against Frenzy. Hellboy and Jedi Master #20 team up to put a stop to the rampaging Slugfest with a lightsaber/ Right Hand of Doom combo but The Ninja Turtles and Battletoads put the smack down on 4 of the last 5 marines. Hellboy, Jedi Master #20, and Marine #1 see that The Murderflies are not going to be able to hold on to their transport much longer which is why The Jedi Master in his wisdom yells back to their unofficial team leader “Admiral Popeil, you and Doc Brown are to important. Get out of here, we’ll handle this”. Popeil and Brown despite their tireless bravery know that you don’t argue with a Jedi Master so they run to the back of the transport and jump on to the 2 Ronco motorized single person water transport escape modulesTM (again, I could be off here but they just look like Jet-skis to me). Ron Popeil is successful in his escape but unfortunately for his partner in crime Doc Brown; Raphael thru his sai into the back of his head and killed him right before he got on the escape module. Marine #1 throws down his empty M-16 and pulls out his Beretta 92, ready to make his stand. “Semper Fi Murderflies” he yells as he jumps into the battle sticking his gun into the mouth of Xenomorph #87 (the last one) and blowing his head apart. Despite the deadly spray of concentrated acid all over his body, the dedicated Brock Samsonite fights on as he pulls out his grenade and bear hugs Pimple the Battletoad taking the much larger opponent out with him. On the transport The Ninja Turtles minus Leonardo Square off against the un-armed Hellboy while the 2 remaining Battletoads do battle with Jedi Master #20. But at this point we should perhaps visit the other part of the battle where some of the major competitors are fighting. The 3 green lanterns tripled teamed a tapeless Soundwave resulting in the somewhat easy destruction of the Decepticon Communications Officer. Starscream on the other hand has been continually blasting Hydro-Man with artillery fire, having little affect on him; while Megatron has transformed into his robot form to do battle with Starro. Megatron seems to have the upper hand against the alien when Kyle Rayner flies in to help Starro. Starro also establishes a mental link with his teammate Hydro-Man and orders him to glide toward their area so the Murderflies can put a stop to Megatron once and for all. Once Starscream sees this transpire he realizes that this could be the perfect opportunity for him to make his dreams come true. His attacks have done virtually nothing to any of the opponents that he has faced thus far but this time when he swings back around for his strafing run he locks on to the strongest power source knowing full well that that will be Megatron’s spark. He targets the weakened Decepticon leader with every missile he has left which not only blows up his teammate/rival but also sets off an explosion of Cybertronian proportions that completely destroys Starro, kills Rayner, and disintegrates Hydro-Man. G’Nort sees this bit of mass-destruction and begins to fly over and to engage Starscream in battle, but he is not fast enough to beat the furious Guy Gardner to the punch. Starscream at first successfully evades the attacks from the smaller opponent but Guy Gardner manages to get behind the robot in F-22 form and with a giant paint brush made out of green energy (in honor of his fallen bro Rayner) he blasts right thru the short-lived Decepticon leader. Hellboy and Jedi Master #20 attack at the same time in a vain attempt to regain control of their Ronco Ocean Transport. Jedi Master #20 slices thru the neck of Rash but while in mid lightsaber swing Zit clenches his hands together and brings them down on the Jedi’s neck snapping it. Raphael manages to lose his other Sai when Hellboy kicks it out of his hand and then brings down the hand of doom on Donatello’s dome to kill him. Michelangelo is kicked in the chest and almost knocked off the transport when Zit picks up Jedi Master #20’s green bladed lightsaber and throws it to Raphael. The freshly armed Ninja Turtle ignites the lightsaber and sticks it into the chest of Hellboy, killing him instantly. The remaining members of The Syracuse Valley: Raphael, Michelangelo, and Zit, who now have complete control of the Ronco Transport rush over to the controls to see how they can use the infamous Ronco technology to destroy the remaining members of the Murderflies. Michelangelo turns to Raphael and Zit and says “with this transport, we are now the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it”. A frightened Guy Gardner and G’Nort regroup with each other in the air, unsure of what lies in store for the last few members of The Murderflies, knowing that this unstoppable vehicle is now in the hand of their enemies. “How could we let this happen” Gardner says to G’Nort. G’Nort replies with “Usa thinking wesa people gonna die”. Just then, at that moment when all hope for Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies was lost…………………….. Ron Popeil pulls a remote control out of his pocket, and presses the self-destruct button for his Patented Ronco Aquatic transport as he says under his breath “it was just a boat”.
BROCK SAMPSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurv
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches are Trident, Mer-Man, Abe Sapien, Killer Croc, Lizard, Skullcruncher & Grax, Sharkticon #1-10, Sentinel #1 & 2, War Skrull #6, Skrull #11 & 12, & Belle.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurv is Black Bolt, Karnak, Crystal, Triton, Green Lantern #1-5, Beast Boy, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officer #14, Navy Seal #45-50, The Wonder Twins: Zan & Jayna, and The Predacons.
The Backyardigans immediately dive deep into the ocean and begin to fortify their area. The Sentinels stay guard up in the air as Trident leads the team to battle. The Bad Newz Kennelz is then teleported into the Atlantic Ocean as well. Triton dives right after Mer-Man as Beast Boy transforms himself into a great white shark and tears into Skrull #11 and 12. Zan and Jayna put their fists together and say, “Wonder Twin powers activate! Form of water! Form of Sea Wasp!” The Zan water dumps into the ocean and the Jayna jellyfish plops in as well. Aivi Oli’mun, the gorgeous blue Twi’lek Green Lantern of Sector 1515 leads Green Lantern #2-5 into the waters below. They all use their rings to create underwater breathing gear as the go after the ten Sharkticons. The Navy Seals are then attacked by Lizard, Killer Croc and oddly enough Belle, who has decided to leave her ball gown in the locker room for a more appropriate two piece. She did however have her hair all done up. Belle knocks the scuba mask off of Navy Seal #48, who is actually a woman as well. (Ok I understand that so far, there has never been a female Navy Seal. But guess what, here in the FFL there is.) Belle is surprised by this, and is even more surprised when she gets her throat slit open by Navy Seal #48. Though the Seals are extremely trained, Lizard and Killer Croc are able to over power Navy Seal #45-47 and Navy Seal Chief Petty Officer #14. They start to swim after the other three Seals when the water around them starts to swirl like a whirlpool. Crystal uses her water manipulation to keep them trapped long enough for Beast Boy to swim in as a great white shark and grab a hold of and eat Killer Croc. “Gross!” exclaim the vegetarian Beast Boy. Lizard then receives some help from Trident who uses his three-pronged spear to freeze Navy Seal #48, and blast apart Navy Seals #49 and 50. Black Bolt stays up in the air and uses his hypersonic scream to obliterate Sentinel #2. Sentinel #1 tries to blast the King of the Inhumans out of the sky, but Karnak climbs up on to it’s shoulders and karate chops the weak point in its neck, decapitating it. Triton and Mer-Man are locked in a fierce fight that continues to go deeper and deeper into the ocean. They trade massive blows back and forth, but Triton is slightly stronger and finally is able to overpower Mer-Man and thrusts Mer-Man’s own sword right into his chest. The five Green Lanterns are outnumbered two to one against the Sharkticons and are getting overwhelmed. Aivi Oli’mun fires a green energy blast right through Sharkticon #9’s mouth. Green Lantern #3 is ripped apart by four Sharkticons, as Green Lantern #2 is able to destroy Sharkticon #1 and 5. Predaking then swims over to aid the Green Lanterns, which works, kinda. The Sharkticons leave the Lanterns and swarm Predaking. He quickly destroys Sharkticon #4 and crushes Sharkticons #7. Skullcruncher and Grax swim in and lend a hand to the Sharkticons. Skullcruncher blasts Predaking in the chest with his tissue dematerialization gun and then transforms into his alligator form and takes a huge bite out of Predaking’s chest, killing Razorclaw. This forces the rest of the Predacons to split apart, who are then swarmed by the Sharkticons. Tantrum grabs a hold of Sharkticon #2’s jaw and rips it open. Sharkticons #3 and 10 double team Divebomb and take massive chunks out of his wings and then devour the rest of him. Skullcruncher then transforms and goes after Headstrong. He makes quick work of him as he slices him in half with his serrated sword. Aivi then launches a green energy harpoon right into Skullcruncher, killing both him and Grax. Rampage, Tantrum and the Green Lanterns then try and finish off the four Sharkticons. Rampage completely lives up to his name as is ferociously rips apart Sharkticons #3 and 8 as the Green Lanterns and Tantrum obliterate Sharkticons #6 and 10. War Skrull #6, who has been altered to have the powers of both Mer-Man and Vulcan, swims in and blast Tantrum into pieces. Triton quickly swims in to help out, but is annihilated by War Skrull’s massive energy blast. Then without warning, War Skrull #6 begins to be swept away by what seems like a strong current. It’s actually Zan and Crystal teaming up, pulling him up to the surface. Abe Sapien starts to swim quickly down after a now dolphin Beast Boy. He pulls out a harpoon and takes aim, firing it with great accuracy, killing the Teen Titan. But Abe then feels a harsh sting around his neck, from the box jellyfish Jayna. Abe succumbs quickly from the poison released into his blood stream. Lizard swims silently up behind Crystal who is floating at the surface, trying to keep War Skrull #6 at bay. He sinks his sharp teeth into her neck killing the Inhuman. Karnak leaps off of the floating Sentinel body after Lizard but is barbequed by the fire prong on Trident’s, um, trident (a little redundant, I know. Lay off.) Rampage then swims up and with his razor sharp claws, slices it in half. But right after that, is blasted by War Skrull #6’s energy blast. The Green Lanterns concentrate all of their firepower on War Skrull #6 and obliterate him in retribution for their new friends the Predacons. Without his leister, Trident is fairly vulnerable. Black Bolt lets loose an energy blast right at Trident, or so he thought. Trident actually climbed up onto the floating Sentinel body and what Black Bolt fired upon was just a hologram. Trident is still holding onto the pronged end of his trident. He runs and leaps off of the floating robot at Black Bolt, who has his back turned to him at the time. But Aivi sees this and snags him in a big green fishing net. Black Bolt turns around and delivers the “Master Blow” to Trident’s chest, caving it in. The Lizard is then speared several times by Green Lanterns #1, 2, 4, and 5.
MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURV ARE VICTORIOUS!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. TEAM
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Jaws, Penguin, The Lochness Monster, The Sando Aqua Monster, Skyfire, Maverick & Goose in a Stealth Bomber, Gandalf the Gray, Princess Leia (Jedi), Obi Wan Kenobi, Powergirl, Glinda the Good Witch, Wonder Woman, Wonder Girl, Alan Scott, Arwen Evenstar, Silver Dragon #1 & 2, Namora, & Namorita.
TEAM is Max Ray, Jack Lalane, Godzilla, Zilla, Phibian #1-10, Sharkticon #47-50, Seaspray, N.S.-5 #23-26, & Underdog.
This is quite a different setting than when these teams last met in The Universe Bowl but it does not change the fact that these 2 teams have a significant amount of talent on them. As both teams are dropped into the water Alan Scott Creates a breathing apparatus for himself out of green energy and follows both Namora & Namorita down into the murky depths. Alan Scott & Namora hang back while Namorita uses her genetically enhanced abilities to see thru the murky dark water of the ocean depths. Namorita catches a glimpse of the 4 N.S.-5’s who just jumped into the water off of Seaspray and she instantly swims up toward them with her 2 accomplices following close behind. The 4 robots feel very comfortable in the water but once they are encountered by the 2 Atlanteans their dense alloy is no match for the peaked, water-fueled strength of both Namora & Namorita who easily rip the 4 robots apart. Alan Scott, who up until this point has done nothing but cheer on his fellow brigade members is the first of the 3 to take flight above Seaspray. Namora and Namorita begin pounding on the metal hull of the water Autobot but none of the attacks do any permanent form of damage until Alan Scott uses his ring to blast a blade of green energy thru the Transformer splitting him in 2. Whether The Sando Aqua Monster is driven by a sense of imminent threat or simply an opportunity for the biggest meal of all time is unknown but the huge Naboo native wastes no time pulling Zilla under the water where the 2 of them engage in a battle that the filmmakers of Japan really should see, just so they would know what an entertaining giant monster fight actually looks like. This fight is going to last a while so we will go to the skies where even though it is bugging him Maverick is being the perfect wingman to Skyfire. The 2 jets are flying around the body of Godzilla who is swinging his fists around wildly in an attempt to knock the bomber or the Transformer out of the air. Even when Godzilla uses his fire breath to attack, Skyfire and the excellently piloted Stealth Bomber continue to evade anything the giant monster throws at them. Skyfire goes in low to distract Godzilla but as he shoots the atomic breath at him Maverick finishes the plan yelling “NOW” to Goose who targets a nuke right into the throat of the huge monster. It is not until the 2 planes are flying away that the nuke goes off in Godzilla’s stomach sending the monster flopping down on his face. “Maverick, you can be my wing man any time” says the flying Autobot but Maverick replies with “No Skyfire, you can be mine”. The Phibians swim down low and lure both Jaws and Nessie down where their friends in the air can’t help them. The 10 fierce Phibians swim quickly toward the 2 mammoth beasts with their spears drawn. A melee than ensues which not only involves the Phibians fighting the 2 Brigade animals but also Jaws and Nessie fighting with each other. Phibians #3 & 8 are killed by The Lochness Monster while Phibian #6 grabs a hold of its neck and tries to slit it open. The Great White Shark we like to call Jaws then with one single bite takes out Phibians #1, 4, & 10. But #5, 7, & 9 all repeatedly stick the shark with their spears. Nessie knocks Phibian #6 looses with his tail and then finishes him off but is then attracted to Jaws as the real meal deal, due to all of the blood the shark is losing on account of the stab wounds of the Phibians. The Phibians plan of making the 2 animals fight amongst each other worked famously except it was not good enough to allow for them to escape. When Nessie moves toward Jaws for the glorious feast he goes right to the source of the blood, crushing Phibian #7 between the 2 huge bodies and biting the legs out from under Phibians# 5 & 9. Phibian #2, the last of the survivors is caught in the huge jaw of Jaws as the Great White Shark in a mix of both hunger and retaliation bites down on the neck of The Lochness Monster making him extinct once more. Zilla and The Sando Aqua Monster viciously pound on each other while they both give out the exact same scream. Zilla manages to wrap its tail around his opponent and then claws out Sando’s left eye but it is the true water beast that comes out on top as The dweller of the planet core gets its large but dexterous hands around the neck of Zilla and strangles the life out of the monster. Skyfire does another loop around the Brigade dominated air and opens up his rear hatch to let out Penguin who has been chilling inside him all of this time. Penguin has no problem staying airborne with his spinning helicopter umbrella but he is instantly killed as Underdog bursts thru his obese stomach like a giant furry bullet. Gandalf and Arwen are perched atop Silver Dragon #1 while they are flanked by Glinda on top of Silver Dragon #2. Arwen uses her mystical Elvish powers to temporarily part the water while Glinda encases the 2 close flying dragons with a protective pink casing as the dragons reluctantly dive head first into the water area being dominated by the 4 Sharkticons. The dry, magically protected mouths of the dragons shoot fire at the water dwelling Transformers but it has little affect on The Sharkticons. Gandalf focuses all of his power on Sharkticon #47 to completely obliterate him but eventually the attacks of the remaining Sharkticons bust thru the barrier created by Glinda leaving the oxygenites exposed to the dangers of the water around them. With Glamdring and Hadafang drawn along with the fierce teeth of the 2 Silver Dragons the 5 of them do amazingly manage to take out 1 more Sharkticon (#50) but eventually the fact that they have significantly more power than their opponents was not enough for them when they are attempting to fight in a setting that so favors the Sharkticons. Max Ray in his highly advanced water suit is patrolling the depths of the ocean looking for any form of enemy to attack. Powergirl uses her X-Ray vision to spot him far below the water. Powergirl has no desire to dive into a setting that is not her specialty alone so she decides to go total women’s lib on The Centurion water expert and enlists Wonder Woman, Wonder Girl, and Princess Leia to join her in her attack. Power Girl flies down into the water to pick up Leia and then goes back into the air along with Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl. The 4 of them scream “Men Suck”! as they plunge into the water toward a well-prepared Max Ray. It is safe to say that on land any one of these 4 women could dispatch this scientist turned adventurer but in these depths he moves with an amazing level of grace. The 4 women separate and surround him but Max Ray points his “power extreme” machine at Wonder Girl and blasts her with his Hydro Missile killing the Teen Titan. Leia force pushes Max which sends him along with some substantial wave push tumbling thru the water but Max recovers and blasts Leia with his laser cannon while she is trying to get back to the surface for air. Power Girl and Wonder Woman at this point have about had it with this dude so they both swim in close to him. The enraged Super-heroines surround him and both go in for a punch and nearly both break each other’s hands as their knuckles hit each other with the mush that was once Max Ray’s head barely putting up any resistance. Obi Wan will never forget being repeatedly scolded by his former master Qui Gonn for allowing his lightsaber to become wet and useless which is why he has done little more than swim with one hand in the air to keep his weapon dry for the entire match. Jack Lalane sees this as an opportunity so he dives below the water and uses the handcuffs around his own hands to wrap around Obi Wan’s feet and pull him under water (as any Lalane fan knows, Jack only swims with both his hands and feet handcuffed). The 2 of them then struggle with each other under water as Obi Wan thinks to himself repeatedly “How the hell can this old guy stay underwater so long”. Obi Wan then resurfaces for a second to catch his breath and then goes back underwater. Even though he cannot use his lightsaber until it dries off Obi Wan is still after all a Jedi. Master Kenobi with a series of force pushes, pushes the Juice Tiger inventor deeper and deeper into the water proving that Jack Lalane is after all human by drowning the 90 year old. Maverick and Goose, now being followed by Skyfire regroup in the air with Power Girl and Wonder Woman While Namora, Namorita, and Alan Scott regroup with each other in the water. Skyfire assures Power Girl and Wonder Woman that the air situation is more than under control and that if they can be of any use in the water to go ahead during which Maverick does some fancy and somewhat unnecessary moves to get behind Underdog while Goose targets him out of the air. Namora and Namorita work together to bust apart Sharkticon #48 while Alan Scott wraps Sharkticon #49 in a ball of green energy and then throws the Transformer out of the water and into the air. Once in the air Power Girl punches the head of the Sharkticon off to finalize a good bit of retribution for her new teammates.
LE’ NAPOLEON BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!
TEAM is Max Ray, Jack Lalane, Godzilla, Zilla, Phibian #1-10, Sharkticon #47-50, Seaspray, N.S.-5 #23-26, & Underdog.
This is quite a different setting than when these teams last met in The Universe Bowl but it does not change the fact that these 2 teams have a significant amount of talent on them. As both teams are dropped into the water Alan Scott Creates a breathing apparatus for himself out of green energy and follows both Namora & Namorita down into the murky depths. Alan Scott & Namora hang back while Namorita uses her genetically enhanced abilities to see thru the murky dark water of the ocean depths. Namorita catches a glimpse of the 4 N.S.-5’s who just jumped into the water off of Seaspray and she instantly swims up toward them with her 2 accomplices following close behind. The 4 robots feel very comfortable in the water but once they are encountered by the 2 Atlanteans their dense alloy is no match for the peaked, water-fueled strength of both Namora & Namorita who easily rip the 4 robots apart. Alan Scott, who up until this point has done nothing but cheer on his fellow brigade members is the first of the 3 to take flight above Seaspray. Namora and Namorita begin pounding on the metal hull of the water Autobot but none of the attacks do any permanent form of damage until Alan Scott uses his ring to blast a blade of green energy thru the Transformer splitting him in 2. Whether The Sando Aqua Monster is driven by a sense of imminent threat or simply an opportunity for the biggest meal of all time is unknown but the huge Naboo native wastes no time pulling Zilla under the water where the 2 of them engage in a battle that the filmmakers of Japan really should see, just so they would know what an entertaining giant monster fight actually looks like. This fight is going to last a while so we will go to the skies where even though it is bugging him Maverick is being the perfect wingman to Skyfire. The 2 jets are flying around the body of Godzilla who is swinging his fists around wildly in an attempt to knock the bomber or the Transformer out of the air. Even when Godzilla uses his fire breath to attack, Skyfire and the excellently piloted Stealth Bomber continue to evade anything the giant monster throws at them. Skyfire goes in low to distract Godzilla but as he shoots the atomic breath at him Maverick finishes the plan yelling “NOW” to Goose who targets a nuke right into the throat of the huge monster. It is not until the 2 planes are flying away that the nuke goes off in Godzilla’s stomach sending the monster flopping down on his face. “Maverick, you can be my wing man any time” says the flying Autobot but Maverick replies with “No Skyfire, you can be mine”. The Phibians swim down low and lure both Jaws and Nessie down where their friends in the air can’t help them. The 10 fierce Phibians swim quickly toward the 2 mammoth beasts with their spears drawn. A melee than ensues which not only involves the Phibians fighting the 2 Brigade animals but also Jaws and Nessie fighting with each other. Phibians #3 & 8 are killed by The Lochness Monster while Phibian #6 grabs a hold of its neck and tries to slit it open. The Great White Shark we like to call Jaws then with one single bite takes out Phibians #1, 4, & 10. But #5, 7, & 9 all repeatedly stick the shark with their spears. Nessie knocks Phibian #6 looses with his tail and then finishes him off but is then attracted to Jaws as the real meal deal, due to all of the blood the shark is losing on account of the stab wounds of the Phibians. The Phibians plan of making the 2 animals fight amongst each other worked famously except it was not good enough to allow for them to escape. When Nessie moves toward Jaws for the glorious feast he goes right to the source of the blood, crushing Phibian #7 between the 2 huge bodies and biting the legs out from under Phibians# 5 & 9. Phibian #2, the last of the survivors is caught in the huge jaw of Jaws as the Great White Shark in a mix of both hunger and retaliation bites down on the neck of The Lochness Monster making him extinct once more. Zilla and The Sando Aqua Monster viciously pound on each other while they both give out the exact same scream. Zilla manages to wrap its tail around his opponent and then claws out Sando’s left eye but it is the true water beast that comes out on top as The dweller of the planet core gets its large but dexterous hands around the neck of Zilla and strangles the life out of the monster. Skyfire does another loop around the Brigade dominated air and opens up his rear hatch to let out Penguin who has been chilling inside him all of this time. Penguin has no problem staying airborne with his spinning helicopter umbrella but he is instantly killed as Underdog bursts thru his obese stomach like a giant furry bullet. Gandalf and Arwen are perched atop Silver Dragon #1 while they are flanked by Glinda on top of Silver Dragon #2. Arwen uses her mystical Elvish powers to temporarily part the water while Glinda encases the 2 close flying dragons with a protective pink casing as the dragons reluctantly dive head first into the water area being dominated by the 4 Sharkticons. The dry, magically protected mouths of the dragons shoot fire at the water dwelling Transformers but it has little affect on The Sharkticons. Gandalf focuses all of his power on Sharkticon #47 to completely obliterate him but eventually the attacks of the remaining Sharkticons bust thru the barrier created by Glinda leaving the oxygenites exposed to the dangers of the water around them. With Glamdring and Hadafang drawn along with the fierce teeth of the 2 Silver Dragons the 5 of them do amazingly manage to take out 1 more Sharkticon (#50) but eventually the fact that they have significantly more power than their opponents was not enough for them when they are attempting to fight in a setting that so favors the Sharkticons. Max Ray in his highly advanced water suit is patrolling the depths of the ocean looking for any form of enemy to attack. Powergirl uses her X-Ray vision to spot him far below the water. Powergirl has no desire to dive into a setting that is not her specialty alone so she decides to go total women’s lib on The Centurion water expert and enlists Wonder Woman, Wonder Girl, and Princess Leia to join her in her attack. Power Girl flies down into the water to pick up Leia and then goes back into the air along with Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl. The 4 of them scream “Men Suck”! as they plunge into the water toward a well-prepared Max Ray. It is safe to say that on land any one of these 4 women could dispatch this scientist turned adventurer but in these depths he moves with an amazing level of grace. The 4 women separate and surround him but Max Ray points his “power extreme” machine at Wonder Girl and blasts her with his Hydro Missile killing the Teen Titan. Leia force pushes Max which sends him along with some substantial wave push tumbling thru the water but Max recovers and blasts Leia with his laser cannon while she is trying to get back to the surface for air. Power Girl and Wonder Woman at this point have about had it with this dude so they both swim in close to him. The enraged Super-heroines surround him and both go in for a punch and nearly both break each other’s hands as their knuckles hit each other with the mush that was once Max Ray’s head barely putting up any resistance. Obi Wan will never forget being repeatedly scolded by his former master Qui Gonn for allowing his lightsaber to become wet and useless which is why he has done little more than swim with one hand in the air to keep his weapon dry for the entire match. Jack Lalane sees this as an opportunity so he dives below the water and uses the handcuffs around his own hands to wrap around Obi Wan’s feet and pull him under water (as any Lalane fan knows, Jack only swims with both his hands and feet handcuffed). The 2 of them then struggle with each other under water as Obi Wan thinks to himself repeatedly “How the hell can this old guy stay underwater so long”. Obi Wan then resurfaces for a second to catch his breath and then goes back underwater. Even though he cannot use his lightsaber until it dries off Obi Wan is still after all a Jedi. Master Kenobi with a series of force pushes, pushes the Juice Tiger inventor deeper and deeper into the water proving that Jack Lalane is after all human by drowning the 90 year old. Maverick and Goose, now being followed by Skyfire regroup in the air with Power Girl and Wonder Woman While Namora, Namorita, and Alan Scott regroup with each other in the water. Skyfire assures Power Girl and Wonder Woman that the air situation is more than under control and that if they can be of any use in the water to go ahead during which Maverick does some fancy and somewhat unnecessary moves to get behind Underdog while Goose targets him out of the air. Namora and Namorita work together to bust apart Sharkticon #48 while Alan Scott wraps Sharkticon #49 in a ball of green energy and then throws the Transformer out of the water and into the air. Once in the air Power Girl punches the head of the Sharkticon off to finalize a good bit of retribution for her new teammates.
LE’ NAPOLEON BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Built Ford Tough
Built Ford Tough is Beta Ray Bill, Sardakaur Terror Troop #1, Ewok #75, Jack Ryan, Treasure Troll #26, Harrison Ford, USAgent, Wilt, Barry Sanders, Star Sapphire, Grapple, Darkwing Duck, Ancient Sith Lord #8-13, & Alien Arachnid #1-7.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Superboy Prime, Springer, Calypso, Sea Worm #1-8, The Tiger Sharks: Mako, Walro, Dolph, Octavia, Lorka, Branc, Angel, & The Seacons: Nautilator, Overbite, Sea Wing, Skalor, Snap Trap, & Tentakill.
Both teams are dropped into The Atlantic Ocean. The Tiger Sharks, Seacons, & Sea Worms all allow themselves to drift deep into the water to explore their surroundings and gain an upper hand while most members of Built Ford Tough are simply struggling to keep their heads above the water. Springer transforms into his helicopter form and takes flight along with Superboy while Beta Ray Bill flies over to the 6 Sith Lords in an attempt to formulate a plan while Overbite, Sea Wing, Skalor, Snap Trap, & Tentakill merge to form Piranacon with Nautilator as their weapon. Despite the vehement disagreement from Darth Taurus; Darth Mustang and Darth Thunderbird side with Beta Ray Bill who believes that if they are going to have any chance of defeating the Horsemen than they are going to first have to defeat Superboy and the newly formed Gestalt Piranacon. Both Darth Ranger and Darth Bronco work together in using their force powers to bring an old wooden boat from the ocean depths up to the surface for the 6 Sith to make their stand on (literally). Once it reaches the surface it is still unable to maintain any ability to float which is why Darth Bronco (the work horse of the crew) must still focus all of his power on keeping it afloat. Darth Focus uses her power to create what can only be described as a telepathic link with Superboy which questions his ability and infuriates him in a way that brings The Kryptonian to them so the battle can begin, while Beta Ray Bill flies over to pick a fight with Piranacon. The alien Asgardian knows that his plan is flawed and that the true threat is the amazing water power that this team possesses but he also knows that he can only take out one threat at a time and that he is going to start with the biggest one and hope that the Sith are as lucky as he is good. Meanwhile the extremely territorial Sea Worms have resurfaced to destroy everything in their path. The worms are driven not by intelligence but by a millennia of instinct to keep any trespassers from wandering their sacred sand even if it is no longer sand in which they dwell. When the enormous worms come crashing out of the water filling the air with the smell of cinnamon it is any person’s instinct to just watch in amazement but when they come crashing down it is disastrous for Sardakaur #1, Ewok #75, Treasure Troll #26, & the dwarfed Transformer Grapple. All 7 of the heavily armed Arachnids have no place to go as well as they are consumed by the 8 worms. In a bit of collateral damage that Darkseid would find completely acceptable even the Sea Nymph Calypso who had taken her safety in the sea for granted was consumed by the genetically engineered water giants. Beta Ray Bill is knocked aside by the massive left arm of Piranacon and then targeted out of the air by the Gestalt as well, sending him skidding across the water, but it is still not enough to defeat him. Bill takes to the air once again and throws his hammer into Nautilator blowing the sea creature turned gun into pieces. Unfortunately for the Thor powered being he soon learns that Piranacon without his weapon is more powerful than he is without his. Piranacon wraps his two hands around Beta Ray Bill who watches his hammer float down to the bottom of the ocean as the 5 combined Decepticons crush the life out of him. Superboy flies down to the barely stable raft that the Sith Lords are standing on and instantly rips apart Darth Focus. The other Sith Lords, who are more than content with their fellow conjurer of the dark side’s ability to bring their extremely mobile enemy toward them instantly attack Superboy. Darth Mustang and Darth Thunderbird move in unison toward their enemy with their lightsabers drawn while Darth Taurus and Darth Ranger both shoot as much Sith lightning at him as they can. As Superboy uses his arms to knock aside the lightsabers which leave deep scars in his arms but do not do enough to actually stop the raging Kryptonian. With his swinging fists he manages to crack the neck of Darth Thunderbird and then with his powerful breath blow the sleek but light Darth Mustang dozens of yards into the mouth of Sea Worm #6. Darth Taurus senses that Superboy is thrown just slightly off guard by this amazing display of power which is why she chooses that exact second to force push Superboy into the air. Superboy simply stays airborne and uses his heat vision to blast the struggling Darth Bronco in the head which melts his brain. Superboy should not have taken his eyes off of his current attacker though because it is Darth Taurus who blasts him in his chest with a slim but potent stream of Sith lightning leaving a blackened scar on his chest once the smoke clears. Darth Taurus, who is so overwhelmed and exhausted by this display of power does not even notice that with Darth Bronco dead the would be wooden boat was sinking. Darth Ranger force leaps onto the back of Superboy Prime and with all of the strength the dark side will allow him to use he plunges his crimson lightsaber right thru the Sith Lightning weakened spot on Superboy’s chest killing the Kryptonian. With the 2 Sith floating in the water, their lightsabers disabled, Springer who thought that he in no way needed to help out Superboy until it was to late is able to fly by and finish the 2 of them off with a flurry of laser blasts. Star Sapphire flies over to Darkwing Duck and suggests that they should go under the water and see if they could possibly have more success that way. Star Sapphire creates a violet breathing apparatus for herself and then joins Darkwing Duck as they dive below the surface. They see the Tiger Sharks heading their way but their enemies swim away from them instead. Darkwing at first believes that The Tiger Sharks are simply intimidated by him and his violet powered partner but he quickly realizes that the Tiger Sharks are simply surrounding them and systematically pulling the rest of the Built Ford Tough Team under the water to drown them. Mako pulls down a glassy-eyed Harrison Ford while Octavia and Lorka take down Wilt and Barry Sanders. Jack Ryan puts up quite a fight but it isn’t enough as he is pulled down by a powerful Walro. It takes both Branc and Angel to subdue USAgent and pull him under the water while a fairly useless Dolph promises to help out as soon as he is done getting air. Darkwing Duck and Star Sapphire go back to back with each other to make their final stand (or I guess it would be their final swim) but The Tiger Sharks quickly flee the scene. The 2 of them are overcome with a sense of accomplishment for a brief second until they realize why the Tiger Sharks were so compelled to flee. Sea Worm #3 comes raging thru the waters and without even fully opening its teeth lined mouth consumes Star Sapphire. Darkwing Duck somehow manages to escape this fate briefly but then finds himself bill to metal face with Piranacon who easily rips him apart.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Superboy Prime, Springer, Calypso, Sea Worm #1-8, The Tiger Sharks: Mako, Walro, Dolph, Octavia, Lorka, Branc, Angel, & The Seacons: Nautilator, Overbite, Sea Wing, Skalor, Snap Trap, & Tentakill.
Both teams are dropped into The Atlantic Ocean. The Tiger Sharks, Seacons, & Sea Worms all allow themselves to drift deep into the water to explore their surroundings and gain an upper hand while most members of Built Ford Tough are simply struggling to keep their heads above the water. Springer transforms into his helicopter form and takes flight along with Superboy while Beta Ray Bill flies over to the 6 Sith Lords in an attempt to formulate a plan while Overbite, Sea Wing, Skalor, Snap Trap, & Tentakill merge to form Piranacon with Nautilator as their weapon. Despite the vehement disagreement from Darth Taurus; Darth Mustang and Darth Thunderbird side with Beta Ray Bill who believes that if they are going to have any chance of defeating the Horsemen than they are going to first have to defeat Superboy and the newly formed Gestalt Piranacon. Both Darth Ranger and Darth Bronco work together in using their force powers to bring an old wooden boat from the ocean depths up to the surface for the 6 Sith to make their stand on (literally). Once it reaches the surface it is still unable to maintain any ability to float which is why Darth Bronco (the work horse of the crew) must still focus all of his power on keeping it afloat. Darth Focus uses her power to create what can only be described as a telepathic link with Superboy which questions his ability and infuriates him in a way that brings The Kryptonian to them so the battle can begin, while Beta Ray Bill flies over to pick a fight with Piranacon. The alien Asgardian knows that his plan is flawed and that the true threat is the amazing water power that this team possesses but he also knows that he can only take out one threat at a time and that he is going to start with the biggest one and hope that the Sith are as lucky as he is good. Meanwhile the extremely territorial Sea Worms have resurfaced to destroy everything in their path. The worms are driven not by intelligence but by a millennia of instinct to keep any trespassers from wandering their sacred sand even if it is no longer sand in which they dwell. When the enormous worms come crashing out of the water filling the air with the smell of cinnamon it is any person’s instinct to just watch in amazement but when they come crashing down it is disastrous for Sardakaur #1, Ewok #75, Treasure Troll #26, & the dwarfed Transformer Grapple. All 7 of the heavily armed Arachnids have no place to go as well as they are consumed by the 8 worms. In a bit of collateral damage that Darkseid would find completely acceptable even the Sea Nymph Calypso who had taken her safety in the sea for granted was consumed by the genetically engineered water giants. Beta Ray Bill is knocked aside by the massive left arm of Piranacon and then targeted out of the air by the Gestalt as well, sending him skidding across the water, but it is still not enough to defeat him. Bill takes to the air once again and throws his hammer into Nautilator blowing the sea creature turned gun into pieces. Unfortunately for the Thor powered being he soon learns that Piranacon without his weapon is more powerful than he is without his. Piranacon wraps his two hands around Beta Ray Bill who watches his hammer float down to the bottom of the ocean as the 5 combined Decepticons crush the life out of him. Superboy flies down to the barely stable raft that the Sith Lords are standing on and instantly rips apart Darth Focus. The other Sith Lords, who are more than content with their fellow conjurer of the dark side’s ability to bring their extremely mobile enemy toward them instantly attack Superboy. Darth Mustang and Darth Thunderbird move in unison toward their enemy with their lightsabers drawn while Darth Taurus and Darth Ranger both shoot as much Sith lightning at him as they can. As Superboy uses his arms to knock aside the lightsabers which leave deep scars in his arms but do not do enough to actually stop the raging Kryptonian. With his swinging fists he manages to crack the neck of Darth Thunderbird and then with his powerful breath blow the sleek but light Darth Mustang dozens of yards into the mouth of Sea Worm #6. Darth Taurus senses that Superboy is thrown just slightly off guard by this amazing display of power which is why she chooses that exact second to force push Superboy into the air. Superboy simply stays airborne and uses his heat vision to blast the struggling Darth Bronco in the head which melts his brain. Superboy should not have taken his eyes off of his current attacker though because it is Darth Taurus who blasts him in his chest with a slim but potent stream of Sith lightning leaving a blackened scar on his chest once the smoke clears. Darth Taurus, who is so overwhelmed and exhausted by this display of power does not even notice that with Darth Bronco dead the would be wooden boat was sinking. Darth Ranger force leaps onto the back of Superboy Prime and with all of the strength the dark side will allow him to use he plunges his crimson lightsaber right thru the Sith Lightning weakened spot on Superboy’s chest killing the Kryptonian. With the 2 Sith floating in the water, their lightsabers disabled, Springer who thought that he in no way needed to help out Superboy until it was to late is able to fly by and finish the 2 of them off with a flurry of laser blasts. Star Sapphire flies over to Darkwing Duck and suggests that they should go under the water and see if they could possibly have more success that way. Star Sapphire creates a violet breathing apparatus for herself and then joins Darkwing Duck as they dive below the surface. They see the Tiger Sharks heading their way but their enemies swim away from them instead. Darkwing at first believes that The Tiger Sharks are simply intimidated by him and his violet powered partner but he quickly realizes that the Tiger Sharks are simply surrounding them and systematically pulling the rest of the Built Ford Tough Team under the water to drown them. Mako pulls down a glassy-eyed Harrison Ford while Octavia and Lorka take down Wilt and Barry Sanders. Jack Ryan puts up quite a fight but it isn’t enough as he is pulled down by a powerful Walro. It takes both Branc and Angel to subdue USAgent and pull him under the water while a fairly useless Dolph promises to help out as soon as he is done getting air. Darkwing Duck and Star Sapphire go back to back with each other to make their final stand (or I guess it would be their final swim) but The Tiger Sharks quickly flee the scene. The 2 of them are overcome with a sense of accomplishment for a brief second until they realize why the Tiger Sharks were so compelled to flee. Sea Worm #3 comes raging thru the waters and without even fully opening its teeth lined mouth consumes Star Sapphire. Darkwing Duck somehow manages to escape this fate briefly but then finds himself bill to metal face with Piranacon who easily rips him apart.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Better Than All of You vs Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
Better Than All of You is N.S.-5 #1-22, Ninja Pirate #3-4, Cobra Viper #1-3, Aquaman, Aqualad, Aquababy, Green Lantern, Abomination, Reptile, Flash (W.W.), Loki & Bartleby.
Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos are Dave Bowman, Capt. Tarpals, Jar Jar Binks, Gungan #1-50, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Darth Binks, The Cloverfield Monster, Seraphina Peckala & her daemon, Black Adam, Parallax, & Bizarro.
Better Than All of You dives into the Atlantic Ocean and awaits their opponents. Aquaman is eager to begin this battle as he feels this is their best chance to finally defeat their rivals, The Commandos. But unbeknownst to them, The Commandos are already there. The Cloverfield Monster erupts from the vast waters and eats Aquababy (the other other white meat…er…fish) and all three Cobra Vipers. Aquaman announces the attack and they all converge on the giant monster. All 22 NS-5’s start climbing and attacking Cloverfield and the parasites that are attached to it. Cloverfield receives some support as Captain Tarpals and Jar Jar Binks lead 50 Gungans into battle. The ocean quickly turns blood red as the fight wages on. Parallax sees Hal Jordan attacking Cloverfield and attempts to once again consume the Green Lantern. However, this time, Hal is prepared for him. He musters all his will power and unleashes a blast of green energy so massive that it lights up the night sky and blinds everyone for a moment as it vaporizes Parallax. The Gungan Army and NS-5’s are fiercely fighting each other in the water as well as on top of Cloverfield. NS-5 #1-4 and 18-22, Gungans #11-16, and 44-50 all perish in the early stages of this fight. Loki and Bartleby fly overhead and shoot Gungans #23, 27, 32, and 38 with their handguns. Bizarro then bursts out of the water after the two angels. He tears Bartleby’s wings off and throws him into the waiting mouth of Cloverfield. He then attacks Loki and removes his wings and just lets him fall back into the water where he is devoured by the Cloverfield parasites. The Creature From the Black Lagoon surfaces and notices that Better Than All of You doesn’t have any women on their team for him to kidnap. But before he can make another move, Abomination grabs a hold of him and crushes the life right out of him. Ninja Pirates #3 and 4 toss their grappling hooks up and start scaling the side of Cloverfield. They stab Gungans #25, 39 and 43 on their way up. Once they are up on top of the monster they are immediately hit in the chest with several arrows that seem to come put of thin air. Flash, doing his best Jesus Christ imitation, comes running in across the water at almost top speeds. Using lightning fast punches, he kills Captain Tarpals, Gungans #3, 6, 9 and does it one more time to #20, 34, and 42. Jar Jar then orders the remaining 24 Gungans to dive deep underwater. The NS-5’s dive in and follow them. This proves to be a fatal move, as though the NS-5’s are stronger than the Gungans, they cannot match the speed and grace of them underwater. It also doesn’t help that Darth Binks is waiting for them. (Yep. It won’t matter how many time you go back and read it; it still says Darth BINKS. So get over it.) He ignites his waterproof lightsaber and goes on a vicious attack that actually makes Jar Jar lose his briskin morning brunchin’. Darth Binks slices his way through all of the remaining NS-5’s as well as Gungans #7, 8, 31, 37, 40 and 41 who were busy fighting the robots. As the Gungans travel back up to the surface, Gungans #1 and 2 are frozen in a block of ice and sink to the bottom. Then Gungan #26 is hit in the back with a spear and gets yanked into the black abyss. The other Gungans manage to reach the water surface, but so has their mysterious attacker. Reptile springs out of the water and spits acid into the faces of Gungans #24, 28 and 33, killing them. He then uses his Sub-Zero like ice blast to freeze the portion of the ocean where the Gungans are swimming. All but Gungans #17-19 are able to jump out of the water in time. Of course though, the second Jar Jar Binks’s feet touch the ice, he starts slipping everywhere. Jar Jar falls into Darth Binks and knocks his lightsaber out of his hands. Green Lantern uses his ring to snatch up the lightsaber and tosses it to the Flash. Reptile then spits an acid net at both Jar Jar and Darth Binks. It ensnares the two Gungans, eating through their flesh, killing them. Green Lantern then creates a giant buzzsaw and starts carving into Cloverfield as Flash races all over him, hacking away with the lightsaber. They both start zipping around the monster at such high speeds that it looks like it’s being wrapped in red and green ribbon. With their combined effort, they actually manage to kill the huge creature, which is now reduced to blood and floating chunks. “Whoa, I gotta get me one of these!” exclaims Flash in reference to the lightsaber. “Wally, you ok? It looks like you got hit,” asks Green Lantern. “Eh, no big deal. One of those spider things just scratched me a bit,” replies Flash as he speeds off. The remaining Gungans jump back into the water away from Reptile. Gungan #10 is stabbed in the back by Aquaman’s trident. Aqualad uses his knife to kill Gungans #21 and 22 as Aquaman overpowers Gungans #29, 30 and 35. Aquaman and Aqualad then make short work of Gungans #4, 5, and 36 as they swim back to the rest of the battle. Black Adam then finally makes his impact felt in the fight. He flies in and uppercuts Abomination into the air and into the waiting arms of Bizarro. He wraps Abomination in a tight bear hug. Abomination pounds his fists against Bizarro’s shoulders, trying to break the hold. Bizarro then uses his freeze vision to freeze Abomination’s head and then headbutts him, shattering it into several pieces. Aqualad is not on top of a dolphin, but is attacked by a half man/half duck looking creature. The creature shockingly snaps Aqualad’s neck with ease. Aquaman then goes berserk and launches a harpoon directly into its face. Then all of a sudden, Seraphina Peckala’s body appears out of nowhere. The creature was her daemon. One cannot survive without the other. The seemingly outnumbered Black Adam and Bizarro are about to charge the remainder of Better Than All of You when Dave Bowman finally makes his appearance. He wipes Reptile form the face of existence (kind of like how Skeletor did to that lizard guy in the Masters of the Universe movie. Remember that?). Now the Justice Leaguers try to figure out what to do. “Um…guys…I don’t…feel…too…cough…good,” moans Flash. “Oh no. Flash, my ring has just detected some sort of odd infection in your blood stream,” replies Hal Jordan. “I’m sorry Wally, but you have to go. I’ve seen this before. You have to swim. Now. As fast as you can. We will continue this battle in your honor,” says Aquaman. Flash takes off, but doesn’t get very far before his body literally explodes. “Well, Arthur. For Wally?” asks Green Lantern. “Aquaman replies, “Aye, friend. For Wally.” Hal leaps out of the water and attacks Dave Bowman, even though he knows that he is on the losing end of this match-up. So he orders his ring to do something drastic. Hal tells it to translate both himself and the Starchild in to a series of electronic impulses that will be stored inside of the ring; a sort of living death. (and since this is a Deathmatch; emphasis on “death”) Aquaman then makes his final stand against the powerhouses of Bizarro and Black Adam. He brings forth an enormous squid and several killer whales. Bizarro goes right after the killer whales and starts attacking them with just brute strength. Aquaman rides upon the squid that wraps its massive tentacles around Black Adam and starts to squeeze. “This is MY domain Teth! Did you really think you could come here and defeat me and my team?!” shouts Aquaman. Black Adam doesn’t respond. Instead he just stares directly into Arthur’s eyes. “Have you nothing to say?!” Aquaman bellows as the squid tightens its grip. “Shazam,” whispers Black Adam. “What was that?” asks Aquaman, who could not hear him over the crashing waves. “SHAZAM! SHAZAM! SHAZAM!” screams Black Adam which send several lightning bolts right through the giant squid and Aquaman.
POP SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!
George Washington's Slaves vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 3 Match: George Washington's Slaves vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad.
The Slaves are Cthulu, Jason Bourne, Fidel Castro, Colossus, T-1000, Loki, SpongeBob Squarepants, Crash Bandicoot, Sonny (from I-Robot), Super Soldier, Inspector Gadget, Al Dawg, A.C. Slater, Jimmy Neutron, N.S.-5s #39 and 40, Red Dragon #10, Bronze Dragon #30, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #8 and 9, and Navy Seals #21-25 and 27.
The Squad is Ursa, Mary Embry, Barbossa and 5 Crewmembers, Davy Jones and 5 Crewmembers, The Kraken, Darth Bane, Ancient Sith Lords #1 and 2, Black Tom Cassidy, Sailor Moon, Ninja Pirates #1, 2 and 5 and Pirates #11-14.
Since no locker rooms have been provided for this match I am unaware of how the Teams will compete and what their strategies will be. Thus, I look upon the Atlantic Ocean. . .
The Annihilation Squad separates into two factions. Barbossa with his five crewmembers use their ship, the Black Pearl. Barbossa travels with Embry, Black Tom Cassidy, Darth Bane, Sailor Moon and Pirates #11-14. Davy Jones with his five crewmembers use their ship, the Flying Dutchman. Along with Jones and his crew are Ursa, Ancient Sith Lords #1 and 2, and Ninja Pirates #1, 2 and 5. As the ships head into battle, Ursa and Embry signal each other and take to the air.
The Slaves also separate into two groups. Inspector Gadget uses his entire body and limbs to create a boat-like platform for his party to stand on. On Inspector Gadget are Jason Bourne, Fidel Castro, Jimmy Neutron, A. C. Slater, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #8 and 9 and Al Dawg. The T-1000 uses its malleability to create a flotilla. On the T-1000 are Colossus, Sonny, N.S.-5s #39 and 40, Loki, Crash Bandicoot, Sonny, and Navy Seals #21-25 and 27. Super Solider and Red Dragon #10 take to the air and both Bronze Dragon #30 and SpongeBob take to the water.
Bourne: Where’s Al Dawg? I didn’t see him aboard Gadget or the T-1000. [Little do the Slaves know, but Dawg, in a drug induced stupor, noticed a nice, warm place to hide. Since he did not have the moist earth of a porch, he went into Gadget’s pants - - a nice, warm and moist place].
The two fleets head toward one another. . .
Barbossa and Jones, in unison scream to their crewmembers: Man the cannons me hearties! Argh!
The steadfast crews of the Black Pearl and Flying Dutchman arm their cannons and turn the boats in unison, one port and one starboard, so that the two ghost ships encircle Gadget and the T-1000.
Barbossa and Jones: FIRE!!!!
The cannon balls reach Gadget and his crew. The Super Soldier uses his strength, speed and shield to deflect all of the balls into the water. The balls splash the Gadget members. A.C. Slater’s perfectly sculpted (and now wet body) glistens in the sun for all to marvel.
The T-1000’s crew is not as lucky as Gadget’s crew. Although several of the balls miss their mark, one manages to obliterate Navy Seal #27. In response to their fallen comrade, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officer #8 screams: "Non sibi sed patriae," and then enters the Ocean. Officer #9, along with Navy Seals #21-25 dive over the side, following their passionate leader. The Navy Seals manage to slice through the cold and choppy waters to the opposing teams’ boats.
Officer #9 and Seals #21-23 begin to climb the Black Pearl. Officer # 8 and Seals #24 and #25 climb aboard the Flying Dutchman. Both parties are met by Pirates.
Aboard the Pearl, Officer #9 and Seals #21-23 are met with Pirates #11-14. Aboard the Dutchman, Officer # 8 and Seals #24 and 25 are met with Ninja Pirates #1, 2 and 5.
The Seal clan aboard the Pearl easily handle and kill Pirates #11-14. Black Tom Cassidy, using his shillelagh and utilizing the wood features of the Pearl creates a concussive blast that instantly kills Seal #21 and knocks Officer #9 and Seals # 22 and 23 off the ship. Just before the three hit the water, they are held in place by Darth Bane and the Force. Bane then slowly causes the Seals to rise, just above the railing which surrounds the boat’s topside.
Cassidy: Oy laddy, I know you can do away with them easily, but lest we have some fun I might ask ‘ye?
Bane smiles, knowing what Cassidy is thinking. Bane force pushes the Seals in the air. Cassidy uses his shillelagh as a bat and smashes each one of the Seals in the head. The force crushes their skulls and sends them through the air and finally into the water. Officer # 9 and Seals #22 and 23 are dead. Cassidy smiles, grabs his stomach and screams in agony as he begins a further transformation of his morphology. . .
Aboard the Dutchman, Ninja Pirates #1 and 2 kill Seals #24 and 25. This enrages Officer #8, and through some miracle (not to mention the superior training skills of the United States military), Officer #8 manages to kill all of the Ninja Pirates, being #1, 2 and 5. Officer #8 looks around and is met by all five of the Dutchman’s monstrous crewmembers. Officer # 8 is torn apart and eaten by the crew.
Knowing that the “cannonball” approach is not what is necessary, at near supersonic speed, both Ursa and Embry fly into the air and come down, squarely hitting the Slaves’ crafts.
Gadget. . .
Gadget is destroyed by Embry and all members aboard Gadget are thrown into the water. Dawg, still in a stupor and protected by Gadget’s pants, awakens, holding onto the Inspector’s boxer shorts (which are now a flotation device). SpongeBob joins Dawg on Gadget’s trousers, thinking Gadget’s pants are more than any one man can handle by himself.
The rest of the Slaves are in the water. Jason Bourne is knocked unconscious and floats on top of the icy Atlantic waters (SHOUT OUT TO THE MOVIE!). Fidel Castro is near freezing (since he is accustomed to the warm Pacific waters), but is alive. Jimmy Neutron and Slater also remain.
Ancient Sith Lords #1 and 2 look over at the four easy kills in the water. They will each kill two of those in the Ocean. They start to force choke both Neutron and Slater. Just as the boy genius and high school wrestling star are about to die, Red Dragon #10 uses its breath to incinerate the force wielders. The two Sith Lords are now mere cinders of ash, caused by the dragon’s intensely heated fire.
T-1000. . .
The T-1000, although having a hole in its middle area, is reformatting itself into another craft. Sonny and the N.S.-5s #39 and 40 decide to enter the Atlantic. Colossus, Loki, and Crash decide to remain with the T-1000. The N.S.-5s and Sonny quickly swim toward the Pearl. Using their intricate fingers, the droids climb aboard the ship. They are met with the crewmembers of the Pearl. Although the ghost pirates are agile fighters, they are no match for the droids. The pirates of the Pearl are quickly dispatched. The droids then focus on Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon attempts to use her moon powers on the NS-5s without immediate damage. While the NS-5s are closing in on Moon, Bane appears behind the droid and in one slashing action, cuts the NS-5s in half. Sonny, knowing that he is outmanned by Bane jumps overboard and swims to the Flying Dutchman, attempting to inflict damage upon the team on that boat. Sonny is greeted by the Dutchman’s crewmembers. Although monstrosities, Sonny manages to single-handedly kill the Dutchman’s crew. Sonny then faces Davy Jones.
Jones: Argh, although ye be a monster yourself, you will never prevail against mine.
A huge tentacle reaches up from the water and wraps itself around Sonny. The tentacle brings Sonny’s face to Jones.
Jones [looks and smiles]: Good riddance to you. [The Kraken crushes Sonny and carries the droid back into the Atlantic].
Bronze Dragon #30 locates its teammates. Slater, Neutron, Castro and the now conscious Bourne use the dragon’s body as a flotation device. The Dragon lets out a howl as seaweed begins to wrap around its body. Looking at the Pearl, Cassidy is using his newfound powers to manipulate the plant life of the ocean. Cassidy has created a mesh-like net from seaweed that has now surrounded the Bronze Dragon and its allies. After mere seconds, the Dragon, Slater, Castro, Neutron and Bourne are encased with seaweed.
Cassidy: In honor of next week’s St. Patty’s Day (during which I will be drinkin’ me heart silly), I, shall allow your deaths to be quick.
The seaweed begins to tighten and crush the lives out of Slater, Castro, Neutron and Bronze Dragon #30. Just as soon as his death is imminent, Bourne manages to escape. His comrades, Slater, Castro and Neutron are not as lucky. The Bronze Dragon is mortally wounded, but notices that Cassidy is standing in water on the deck of the Pearl. Dragon #30 uses its lightning breath. The lightning travels through the water and up to the Pearl where Cassidy is standing. The water, being a conduit, electrocutes Cassidy. Cassidy dies, but notices that the Dragon dies with him. Cassidy dies a good Irish death; one that brings a smile to his face as he thinks he will be remembered as a modern day St. George, slaying the dragon.
Bourne swims back to his other teammates, which are now talking with one another, trying to regroup and create a new plan of attack. Bourne, Colossus (in human form), T-1000, Loki, Crash are huddled together in the water. Super Solider and Red Dragon #10 are flying above. Cthulu has still not shown itself.
On the other side of the Ocean battlefield is Barbossa, Bane and Moon on the Pearl; Jones on the Dutchman; the Kraken under the water and Ursa and Embry hovering above.
The superpowers focus on one another. Embry flies to Red Dragon #10 and Ursa flies to Super Soldier. The Red Dragon is not as fast as Embry. Although the Dragon spews its fire toward Embry, Embry easily dodges the flames. Embry manages to get behind the dragon and takes hold of one of its wings. She manages to tear the left wing off, leaving the Dragon to crash into the water. The Dragon struggles in the water.
Noticing the intense splashes above, the Kraken comes to the surface and eats the dragon. It then notices the other inhabitants in the water. It jets toward Bourne, Colossus (in human form), T-1000, Loki, and Crash. Bourne and Crash become instant bait for the gigantic sea creature. Colossus manages to grip the creature and transforms into his metallic self. He battles the creature with Loki and the T-1000. The T-1000 morphs its arms into steel spikes which repeatedly strike the beast. The beast, hurt and angry, lashes out at the remaining fighters. Embry, energized from her defeat of Red Dragon #10, flies upon the scene and strikes Loki with all her might. Loki sails through the air.
Embry: Ursa!!!! Stop messing around with pretty boy!!! I need your help!!! Now!!!!
Ursa’s battle with the Super Solider is legendary. They are in a heated battle, throwing and dodging blow after blow after blow. Nonetheless, Ursa manages to get the better of Solider (for just an instant) and throws him across the sky. Ursa then flies to where Embry and the other combatants remain.
Ursa uses her breath to freeze both metallic combatants, the T-1000 and Colossus. Their frozen and somewhat mummified bodies remain barely buoyant in the water. They will sink to the bottom in minutes. Yet, this is a death match and the Squad needs to be sure they are that – dead –not just lying at the bottom of the Ocean with a slight chance of survival. Both Ursa and Embry use their enhanced strength to punch their enemies. The T-1000 shatters in a hundred pieces. Due to the fact that the pieces are scattered throughout the chilly waters, there is no way for the T-1000 to reformulate itself and thus, the machine dies. Ursa, using her strength and the fact that the Colossus’ metal body is near frozen, manages to punch a hole in the chest cavity of the X-man. Colossus dies instantly.
All the commotion above finally makes Cthulu to react. The Lovecraftian, aquatic and cosmic monster storms above the waters and begins to lash out at the Kraken. The Kraken, already weakened, succumbs to the devastation caused by Cthulu. Thus, Cthulu dispatches with the Kraken with little effort.
Meanwhile. . . .
SpongeBob: Dawg! Dawg! Wake up!!!!
Dawg [disheveled and awake]: So. . . cold. . . want. . .to go someplace warm. . .
SpongeBob: No time for a dirt nap now Dawg! We need to help our teammates.
Dawg: That’s okay, I’m just going to watch a little longer.
Back at the Battleground. . .
Cthulu still enraged looks to destroy the remaining members of the Squad. Cthulu notices the Pearl coming at it full speed. The monster rises above the ship, ready to begin its destruction of the remaining members still aboard the vessel. It does not notice the Dutchman now rising from the waters and heading straight for it from behind.
Jones: Time to die you foul beast! Argh!!!
The Dutchman races toward Cthulu. The boat’s front strikes Cthulu and pierces the creature through its stomach. Cthulu lurches in agony. Then, the Pearl, coming from behind, pierces the beast’s chest. Cthulu gives an agonizing howl and dies, shish-ka-bobbed between the Pearl and Dutchman.
The Super Solider, now recovered, flies toward the combatants. He is met by Darth Bane who is now on the Pearl’s crow’s nest. Bane’s lightsaber repeatedly sparks and dings the Soldier’s shield. The shield takes the brunt of the blows and Bane is reminded of the similar effects cortosis has on a lightsaber.
Super Soldier: Bane, you know my Rule of Two? One!!!! [Bane is fast, but the Soldier in this moment is faster. Solider uses the shield to strike Bane’s stomach. Bane keels over]. Two!!! [Soldier then uses the shield in a crushing blow to the head that smashes the force wielder’s skull].
The battle is now between Jones, Embry, Barbossa and Ursa against Super Soldier and Loki. Moon cannot be found. Dawg and SpongeBob are still watching from the water. The fight is furious between the combatants. Jones and Barbossa team up against Loki and manage to actually do some damage against the Trickster god. As Loki falls to his knees, hurt, but not mortally, Jones and Barbossa both bring their swords down to cut Loki’s head off. Loki manages to kill Barbossa before the blow, but Jones manages to strike Loki at the carotid artery. Loki looks is shock as he was actually hurt by the blade of a squid-head. The blood flows as Loki manages to do one last “trick.” Loki, mortally wounded, uses magical manipulation to create the illusion that Jones is Super Soldier. Embry, confused for the moment, comes upon him and kills her own teammate, Jones, by accident, thinking it is Super Soldier.
Embry’s confusion only lasts a minute as the heated battle continues when Embry realizes what Loki did before his death. She joins Ursa in her fight against the real Super Solider. The Super Solider manages to use his shield and strength against the women, but a man is no match for two women (in any part of society or existence). Thus, although the Super Soldier manages to kill Embry, the women best the Soldier, who is killed in the end. Ursa flies above the waters and sees the destruction that both teams left in their wake.
She then comes upon a surreal scene. She sees Moon standing above both SpongeBob and Dawg on a piece of Gadget. Moon is whispering to Dawg.
Moon: Dawg, I know you are cold and tired.
SpongeBob: Don’t listen to her dog!
Moon: Dawg, let go of your mortal body and allow your soul free!
SpongeBob: Dawg, don’t listen to her!!!
Ursa uses her heat vision to fry SpongeBob. He will no longer influence this situation.
Moon: Allow my light to envelope you and take you away with others who have gone before you. . . Carlos Olivera. . . . Little Goomba #1. . . Goblin #1. . . Tyler Durden. . . Kimbo Slice. . .
Dawg: Yes. . .
Moon: Let go Dawg. Let go.
Dawg notices the moon crystal around Sailor Moon’s neck and smiles at the thought of the movie Titanic. Like Jack, he is sacrificing himself for love – the love of a hot Anime piece of a@%. Dawg lets go and drifts down into a watery grave where no one will be able to reach him again. He dies with a smile on his face and at peace.
Slaves: All dead.
Squad: Ursa and Sailor Moon survive.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
The Slaves are Cthulu, Jason Bourne, Fidel Castro, Colossus, T-1000, Loki, SpongeBob Squarepants, Crash Bandicoot, Sonny (from I-Robot), Super Soldier, Inspector Gadget, Al Dawg, A.C. Slater, Jimmy Neutron, N.S.-5s #39 and 40, Red Dragon #10, Bronze Dragon #30, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #8 and 9, and Navy Seals #21-25 and 27.
The Squad is Ursa, Mary Embry, Barbossa and 5 Crewmembers, Davy Jones and 5 Crewmembers, The Kraken, Darth Bane, Ancient Sith Lords #1 and 2, Black Tom Cassidy, Sailor Moon, Ninja Pirates #1, 2 and 5 and Pirates #11-14.
Since no locker rooms have been provided for this match I am unaware of how the Teams will compete and what their strategies will be. Thus, I look upon the Atlantic Ocean. . .
The Annihilation Squad separates into two factions. Barbossa with his five crewmembers use their ship, the Black Pearl. Barbossa travels with Embry, Black Tom Cassidy, Darth Bane, Sailor Moon and Pirates #11-14. Davy Jones with his five crewmembers use their ship, the Flying Dutchman. Along with Jones and his crew are Ursa, Ancient Sith Lords #1 and 2, and Ninja Pirates #1, 2 and 5. As the ships head into battle, Ursa and Embry signal each other and take to the air.
The Slaves also separate into two groups. Inspector Gadget uses his entire body and limbs to create a boat-like platform for his party to stand on. On Inspector Gadget are Jason Bourne, Fidel Castro, Jimmy Neutron, A. C. Slater, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #8 and 9 and Al Dawg. The T-1000 uses its malleability to create a flotilla. On the T-1000 are Colossus, Sonny, N.S.-5s #39 and 40, Loki, Crash Bandicoot, Sonny, and Navy Seals #21-25 and 27. Super Solider and Red Dragon #10 take to the air and both Bronze Dragon #30 and SpongeBob take to the water.
Bourne: Where’s Al Dawg? I didn’t see him aboard Gadget or the T-1000. [Little do the Slaves know, but Dawg, in a drug induced stupor, noticed a nice, warm place to hide. Since he did not have the moist earth of a porch, he went into Gadget’s pants - - a nice, warm and moist place].
The two fleets head toward one another. . .
Barbossa and Jones, in unison scream to their crewmembers: Man the cannons me hearties! Argh!
The steadfast crews of the Black Pearl and Flying Dutchman arm their cannons and turn the boats in unison, one port and one starboard, so that the two ghost ships encircle Gadget and the T-1000.
Barbossa and Jones: FIRE!!!!
The cannon balls reach Gadget and his crew. The Super Soldier uses his strength, speed and shield to deflect all of the balls into the water. The balls splash the Gadget members. A.C. Slater’s perfectly sculpted (and now wet body) glistens in the sun for all to marvel.
The T-1000’s crew is not as lucky as Gadget’s crew. Although several of the balls miss their mark, one manages to obliterate Navy Seal #27. In response to their fallen comrade, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officer #8 screams: "Non sibi sed patriae," and then enters the Ocean. Officer #9, along with Navy Seals #21-25 dive over the side, following their passionate leader. The Navy Seals manage to slice through the cold and choppy waters to the opposing teams’ boats.
Officer #9 and Seals #21-23 begin to climb the Black Pearl. Officer # 8 and Seals #24 and #25 climb aboard the Flying Dutchman. Both parties are met by Pirates.
Aboard the Pearl, Officer #9 and Seals #21-23 are met with Pirates #11-14. Aboard the Dutchman, Officer # 8 and Seals #24 and 25 are met with Ninja Pirates #1, 2 and 5.
The Seal clan aboard the Pearl easily handle and kill Pirates #11-14. Black Tom Cassidy, using his shillelagh and utilizing the wood features of the Pearl creates a concussive blast that instantly kills Seal #21 and knocks Officer #9 and Seals # 22 and 23 off the ship. Just before the three hit the water, they are held in place by Darth Bane and the Force. Bane then slowly causes the Seals to rise, just above the railing which surrounds the boat’s topside.
Cassidy: Oy laddy, I know you can do away with them easily, but lest we have some fun I might ask ‘ye?
Bane smiles, knowing what Cassidy is thinking. Bane force pushes the Seals in the air. Cassidy uses his shillelagh as a bat and smashes each one of the Seals in the head. The force crushes their skulls and sends them through the air and finally into the water. Officer # 9 and Seals #22 and 23 are dead. Cassidy smiles, grabs his stomach and screams in agony as he begins a further transformation of his morphology. . .
Aboard the Dutchman, Ninja Pirates #1 and 2 kill Seals #24 and 25. This enrages Officer #8, and through some miracle (not to mention the superior training skills of the United States military), Officer #8 manages to kill all of the Ninja Pirates, being #1, 2 and 5. Officer #8 looks around and is met by all five of the Dutchman’s monstrous crewmembers. Officer # 8 is torn apart and eaten by the crew.
Knowing that the “cannonball” approach is not what is necessary, at near supersonic speed, both Ursa and Embry fly into the air and come down, squarely hitting the Slaves’ crafts.
Gadget. . .
Gadget is destroyed by Embry and all members aboard Gadget are thrown into the water. Dawg, still in a stupor and protected by Gadget’s pants, awakens, holding onto the Inspector’s boxer shorts (which are now a flotation device). SpongeBob joins Dawg on Gadget’s trousers, thinking Gadget’s pants are more than any one man can handle by himself.
The rest of the Slaves are in the water. Jason Bourne is knocked unconscious and floats on top of the icy Atlantic waters (SHOUT OUT TO THE MOVIE!). Fidel Castro is near freezing (since he is accustomed to the warm Pacific waters), but is alive. Jimmy Neutron and Slater also remain.
Ancient Sith Lords #1 and 2 look over at the four easy kills in the water. They will each kill two of those in the Ocean. They start to force choke both Neutron and Slater. Just as the boy genius and high school wrestling star are about to die, Red Dragon #10 uses its breath to incinerate the force wielders. The two Sith Lords are now mere cinders of ash, caused by the dragon’s intensely heated fire.
T-1000. . .
The T-1000, although having a hole in its middle area, is reformatting itself into another craft. Sonny and the N.S.-5s #39 and 40 decide to enter the Atlantic. Colossus, Loki, and Crash decide to remain with the T-1000. The N.S.-5s and Sonny quickly swim toward the Pearl. Using their intricate fingers, the droids climb aboard the ship. They are met with the crewmembers of the Pearl. Although the ghost pirates are agile fighters, they are no match for the droids. The pirates of the Pearl are quickly dispatched. The droids then focus on Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon attempts to use her moon powers on the NS-5s without immediate damage. While the NS-5s are closing in on Moon, Bane appears behind the droid and in one slashing action, cuts the NS-5s in half. Sonny, knowing that he is outmanned by Bane jumps overboard and swims to the Flying Dutchman, attempting to inflict damage upon the team on that boat. Sonny is greeted by the Dutchman’s crewmembers. Although monstrosities, Sonny manages to single-handedly kill the Dutchman’s crew. Sonny then faces Davy Jones.
Jones: Argh, although ye be a monster yourself, you will never prevail against mine.
A huge tentacle reaches up from the water and wraps itself around Sonny. The tentacle brings Sonny’s face to Jones.
Jones [looks and smiles]: Good riddance to you. [The Kraken crushes Sonny and carries the droid back into the Atlantic].
Bronze Dragon #30 locates its teammates. Slater, Neutron, Castro and the now conscious Bourne use the dragon’s body as a flotation device. The Dragon lets out a howl as seaweed begins to wrap around its body. Looking at the Pearl, Cassidy is using his newfound powers to manipulate the plant life of the ocean. Cassidy has created a mesh-like net from seaweed that has now surrounded the Bronze Dragon and its allies. After mere seconds, the Dragon, Slater, Castro, Neutron and Bourne are encased with seaweed.
Cassidy: In honor of next week’s St. Patty’s Day (during which I will be drinkin’ me heart silly), I, shall allow your deaths to be quick.
The seaweed begins to tighten and crush the lives out of Slater, Castro, Neutron and Bronze Dragon #30. Just as soon as his death is imminent, Bourne manages to escape. His comrades, Slater, Castro and Neutron are not as lucky. The Bronze Dragon is mortally wounded, but notices that Cassidy is standing in water on the deck of the Pearl. Dragon #30 uses its lightning breath. The lightning travels through the water and up to the Pearl where Cassidy is standing. The water, being a conduit, electrocutes Cassidy. Cassidy dies, but notices that the Dragon dies with him. Cassidy dies a good Irish death; one that brings a smile to his face as he thinks he will be remembered as a modern day St. George, slaying the dragon.
Bourne swims back to his other teammates, which are now talking with one another, trying to regroup and create a new plan of attack. Bourne, Colossus (in human form), T-1000, Loki, Crash are huddled together in the water. Super Solider and Red Dragon #10 are flying above. Cthulu has still not shown itself.
On the other side of the Ocean battlefield is Barbossa, Bane and Moon on the Pearl; Jones on the Dutchman; the Kraken under the water and Ursa and Embry hovering above.
The superpowers focus on one another. Embry flies to Red Dragon #10 and Ursa flies to Super Soldier. The Red Dragon is not as fast as Embry. Although the Dragon spews its fire toward Embry, Embry easily dodges the flames. Embry manages to get behind the dragon and takes hold of one of its wings. She manages to tear the left wing off, leaving the Dragon to crash into the water. The Dragon struggles in the water.
Noticing the intense splashes above, the Kraken comes to the surface and eats the dragon. It then notices the other inhabitants in the water. It jets toward Bourne, Colossus (in human form), T-1000, Loki, and Crash. Bourne and Crash become instant bait for the gigantic sea creature. Colossus manages to grip the creature and transforms into his metallic self. He battles the creature with Loki and the T-1000. The T-1000 morphs its arms into steel spikes which repeatedly strike the beast. The beast, hurt and angry, lashes out at the remaining fighters. Embry, energized from her defeat of Red Dragon #10, flies upon the scene and strikes Loki with all her might. Loki sails through the air.
Embry: Ursa!!!! Stop messing around with pretty boy!!! I need your help!!! Now!!!!
Ursa’s battle with the Super Solider is legendary. They are in a heated battle, throwing and dodging blow after blow after blow. Nonetheless, Ursa manages to get the better of Solider (for just an instant) and throws him across the sky. Ursa then flies to where Embry and the other combatants remain.
Ursa uses her breath to freeze both metallic combatants, the T-1000 and Colossus. Their frozen and somewhat mummified bodies remain barely buoyant in the water. They will sink to the bottom in minutes. Yet, this is a death match and the Squad needs to be sure they are that – dead –not just lying at the bottom of the Ocean with a slight chance of survival. Both Ursa and Embry use their enhanced strength to punch their enemies. The T-1000 shatters in a hundred pieces. Due to the fact that the pieces are scattered throughout the chilly waters, there is no way for the T-1000 to reformulate itself and thus, the machine dies. Ursa, using her strength and the fact that the Colossus’ metal body is near frozen, manages to punch a hole in the chest cavity of the X-man. Colossus dies instantly.
All the commotion above finally makes Cthulu to react. The Lovecraftian, aquatic and cosmic monster storms above the waters and begins to lash out at the Kraken. The Kraken, already weakened, succumbs to the devastation caused by Cthulu. Thus, Cthulu dispatches with the Kraken with little effort.
Meanwhile. . . .
SpongeBob: Dawg! Dawg! Wake up!!!!
Dawg [disheveled and awake]: So. . . cold. . . want. . .to go someplace warm. . .
SpongeBob: No time for a dirt nap now Dawg! We need to help our teammates.
Dawg: That’s okay, I’m just going to watch a little longer.
Back at the Battleground. . .
Cthulu still enraged looks to destroy the remaining members of the Squad. Cthulu notices the Pearl coming at it full speed. The monster rises above the ship, ready to begin its destruction of the remaining members still aboard the vessel. It does not notice the Dutchman now rising from the waters and heading straight for it from behind.
Jones: Time to die you foul beast! Argh!!!
The Dutchman races toward Cthulu. The boat’s front strikes Cthulu and pierces the creature through its stomach. Cthulu lurches in agony. Then, the Pearl, coming from behind, pierces the beast’s chest. Cthulu gives an agonizing howl and dies, shish-ka-bobbed between the Pearl and Dutchman.
The Super Solider, now recovered, flies toward the combatants. He is met by Darth Bane who is now on the Pearl’s crow’s nest. Bane’s lightsaber repeatedly sparks and dings the Soldier’s shield. The shield takes the brunt of the blows and Bane is reminded of the similar effects cortosis has on a lightsaber.
Super Soldier: Bane, you know my Rule of Two? One!!!! [Bane is fast, but the Soldier in this moment is faster. Solider uses the shield to strike Bane’s stomach. Bane keels over]. Two!!! [Soldier then uses the shield in a crushing blow to the head that smashes the force wielder’s skull].
The battle is now between Jones, Embry, Barbossa and Ursa against Super Soldier and Loki. Moon cannot be found. Dawg and SpongeBob are still watching from the water. The fight is furious between the combatants. Jones and Barbossa team up against Loki and manage to actually do some damage against the Trickster god. As Loki falls to his knees, hurt, but not mortally, Jones and Barbossa both bring their swords down to cut Loki’s head off. Loki manages to kill Barbossa before the blow, but Jones manages to strike Loki at the carotid artery. Loki looks is shock as he was actually hurt by the blade of a squid-head. The blood flows as Loki manages to do one last “trick.” Loki, mortally wounded, uses magical manipulation to create the illusion that Jones is Super Soldier. Embry, confused for the moment, comes upon him and kills her own teammate, Jones, by accident, thinking it is Super Soldier.
Embry’s confusion only lasts a minute as the heated battle continues when Embry realizes what Loki did before his death. She joins Ursa in her fight against the real Super Solider. The Super Solider manages to use his shield and strength against the women, but a man is no match for two women (in any part of society or existence). Thus, although the Super Soldier manages to kill Embry, the women best the Soldier, who is killed in the end. Ursa flies above the waters and sees the destruction that both teams left in their wake.
She then comes upon a surreal scene. She sees Moon standing above both SpongeBob and Dawg on a piece of Gadget. Moon is whispering to Dawg.
Moon: Dawg, I know you are cold and tired.
SpongeBob: Don’t listen to her dog!
Moon: Dawg, let go of your mortal body and allow your soul free!
SpongeBob: Dawg, don’t listen to her!!!
Ursa uses her heat vision to fry SpongeBob. He will no longer influence this situation.
Moon: Allow my light to envelope you and take you away with others who have gone before you. . . Carlos Olivera. . . . Little Goomba #1. . . Goblin #1. . . Tyler Durden. . . Kimbo Slice. . .
Dawg: Yes. . .
Moon: Let go Dawg. Let go.
Dawg notices the moon crystal around Sailor Moon’s neck and smiles at the thought of the movie Titanic. Like Jack, he is sacrificing himself for love – the love of a hot Anime piece of a@%. Dawg lets go and drifts down into a watery grave where no one will be able to reach him again. He dies with a smile on his face and at peace.
Slaves: All dead.
Squad: Ursa and Sailor Moon survive.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Warning List
Better Than All of You
Predator #1 (7)
Predator #2 (9)
George Washington's Slaves
Al Dawg (9)
Le' Napoleon Brigade
Wonder Girl (8)
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
Ewok #4 (8)
Marine #1 (9)
The Syracuse Valley
Darth Maul (8)
Frenzy (8)
Buzzsaw (8)
Master Chief (8)
Alice's Wonder Team
Apocalypse Alice (7)
The Abomitrons
Elite Clone Trooper #21 (8)
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Week 3: Death Match
Setting: The Atlantic Ocean
Points: 500
Prize: A Swiff Boat
-Built Ford Tough Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips
-Better Than All of You Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
-The Untouchables Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. TEAM
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. The Abomitrons
-The Right Wing Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
Points: 500
Prize: A Swiff Boat
-Built Ford Tough Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips
-Better Than All of You Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
-The Untouchables Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. TEAM
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. The Abomitrons
-The Right Wing Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs The Syracuse Valley
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Ursa, Mary Embry, Geo-Force, Col. John Matrix, and Gomez Addams.
The Syracuse Valley is Master Chief, Movie Megatron, Darth Maul, Darth Rave, Soundwave, Frenzy, Buzzsaw, Overkill, Slugfest, Squalktalk, Beastbox, Movie Frenzy, Fire Brother #1, and Little Gomba #2.
The Syracuse Valley’s field leader Master Chief leads his team of Transformers and Mario Bros. Villains through the jungle. He has Soundwave eject his tapes to scatter and scan the area. Movie Megatron transforms into his Cybertronian Jet form and flies ahead, due to his refusal to take orders from what he referred to as a “pathetic meat sack.” “Objectives located. Tapes return to me,” says Soundwave with a synthesized monotone voice. The newly named Xavier’s Annihilation Squad stand firm about fifty yards in front of them. Fire Brother #1 rips a fireball right at them, engulfing Gomez Addams in flames, killing the patriarch of the Addams family. “I guess Gomez needed a light,” states Col. John Matrix. Master Chief orders his team to charge the Annihilation Squad, but Geo-Force hinders their advance. He forms part of the ground into a hand and grabs Overkill and Beastbox, crushing them. Soundwave punches through the fist shaped earth and continues on. Darth Maul and his apprentice, Darth Rave, flip and move through the jungle so in sync and gracefully you would think that they are competing on America’s Best Dance Crew. They both simply cut down any tree that is in their way with their lightsabers. Geo-Force then kills Movie Frenzy and Slugfest with his lava blasts. Darth Rave then fires his lightsabers into Geo-Force’s shoulders and Darth Maul flips in to finish the job. Ursa and Mary Embry both take to the sky to battle Movie Megatron who has been doing strafing runs over the battlefield. However this leaves Col. John Matrix outnumbered, ten to one. “Heh, ten to one? I almost feel bad for this guy,” jokes Frenzy. “I like you Frenzy. You’re a funny guy. That’s why I’m going to kill you last,” responds Matrix. He then fires two rockets from his M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher, exploding Buzzsaw and Squalktalk. “Looks like hunting season opened early,” says Matrix. Then he presses a button on a remote control and detonated a bunch of M18A1 Claymore mines that he had strapped to the trees earlier. “I’ll be back Valley,” shouts Matrix as he disappears into the jungle. High up in the air, Movie Megatron has his hands full with the gal-pals of Ursa and Mary Embry. He hits Mary with some powerful laser blasts as he evades Ursa’s heat vision. Mary falls from the sky, bouncing off several trees on her way down, where she finally splashes into the pond below. (Yeah that’s right… now her clothes are all wet… Hot.) Frenzy runs over to the edge of the waterfall to see who fell out of the sky, when Matrix sneaks up behind him and knocks him down. Col. Matrix then picks up Frenzy by the neck and says, “Remember Frenzy, when I said I’d kill you last?” Frenzy frantically responds with “Yeah, yeah Matrix. You did.” Matrix then shoves a grenade into Frenzy’s mouth and says, “I lied.” He kicks the Transformer off the edge of the waterfall just before his head explodes. Movie Megatron then transforms and lands with a mighty thud. Mary Embry flies up out of the water and right at the Decepticon. Ursa comes flying in from the opposite side and both women blow through Movie Megatron’s torso, extinguishing his spark. John then picks up one of the trees the Sith Lords cut down and hurls it through Soundwave. “I’m glad we could get to the root of the problem Soundwave,” quips Matrix. The Transformer falls and crushes Little Goomba #2. “That’s too bad, he was a fun guy,” laments Matrix as he cuts Fire Brother #1’s arm off. “Here let me give you a hand,” he says. Master Chief then shoots at Matrix, but only manages to graze his arm. Col. Matrix moves behind a tree for some cover. “Come on Chief, you don’t want to use a gun. You want to use a knife, so you can look me in the eye as you turn it,” says Matrix trying to taunt Master Chief. But there’s not response. John looks around the tree to see two tiny holes smoking from Master Chief’s helmet, who then drops to the ground to reveal Ursa who had fired her heat vision into the back of Master Chief’s head. “Well I guess he has a Halo now,” jokes Matrix. (get it?) Darth Maul and Darth Rave then surround the Kryptonian. Darth Rave starts circling her and swinging his two lightsabers around on their chains, which is producing a “really cool light show.” He then whips them at Ursa, but Mary Embry flies in and grabs a hold of the chains. She uses her super strength and speed to twirl the Sith Lord around her head and smashes him into a large boulder. Ursa then uses her freeze breath to encase Darth Maul in a solid block of ice. And before his lightsabers can melt him free, Mary Embry uses one of Darth Rave’s lightsabers to slice Darth Maul up into a million pieces. (It was like she used a Ronco Chop-O-Matic.) (Oh crap, I probably own Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies some royalties for that reference.)
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!
Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs. Built Ford Tough
Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyaatches are Darth Vader, Orion, Doomsday and Dementor #1.
Built Ford Tough is US Agent, Solid Snake, Severus Snape, Fantastic Max, AB & FX, Mr. T, Beta Ray Bill, Indiana Jones and The Doctor.
“Apology excepted, Captain Needa”. Tasha looks back at Uniqua who is frightened and says, “See, I told you Lord Vader does not except failure”.
Just then the disc on the Laserdisc player stops and ejects. Tasha grabs the remote control and presses play to no avail.
“How many times do I have to tell you Tasha, that I do not want you watching these films”, a very stern Darth Vader says.
“Sorry Lord Vader, I just wanted to show Uniqua that you do not like it when teammates of yours fail you. I just wanted to make sure she understood that so that she would never lose sight of the prize.”
“Well then, I suppose I can let this one slide. Why must you always watch the original Trilogy though, I prefer the prequels. At least that trilogy has a happy ending”. Then Lord Vader walks out of the room and joins his team as they are transported to Val Verde.
Despite the fact that Beta Ray Bill is a rookie (starting in his first match no less), he still knows that the battle ahead is going to be a difficult one. He is confident in the team he has surrounding him, but he knows that in order to defeat the division winner, he is going to have to come out with as much force as possible right from the beginning. His plan comes to him almost immediately and right away he lets everyone on ‘Built Ford Tough’ in on it. The plan is to make the Jungle of Val Verde as chaotic as possible. Luckily for him, his team has the advantage, as they are the first team transported to the battlefield.
Immediately upon arriving, Bill takes out his hammer “Storm Breaker” and cast down hundreds of bolts of lightening on the jungle, causing it to burst into flames. He has also instructed his teammate, Severus Snape, to inflict as much damage upon the jungle as possible. The remaining members of ‘Built Ford Tough’ are lying low, as not to be killed by the inferno caused by their teammates.
Darth Vader and his team are transported to the battlefield and are immediately met with a blaze of heat that would have killed any mortal man. Vader instantly uses the force to snuff out the fire around him and his team and begins to see if he can sense where his opponent’s are starting from.
“I sense fear coming from this direction, but with it a great power. We will give them no mercy”, Lord Vader states as Doomsday and Orion stare back at him. Dementor #1 stays with his team at first, but quickly flies away looking for the first pleasant soul that he can feast on.
Beta Ray Bill knows that with the fire, he will gain much-needed cover to protect his team. The only downside to his plan is that has made spreading out a bit more difficult, though not impossible. Snape has created small pathways for his teammates to travel through. Which allows them the advantage of moving about much more freely then they would have otherwise. They are traveling together in small groups, each of which is lead by different members. The first group to go off is US Agent and Solid Snake. They have become quick friends in the locker room and are instantly off looking for someone to kill. The other group includes Indiana Jones, Mr. T, Fantastic Max, FX, AB and the Doctor. Indy, who is really wishing that this place wasn’t a huge ball of fire, leads the group.
“I know old horse face up there is powerful and all, but I’m not too sure if this whole fire thing was the best idea”.
“I know Indy, he’s a damn fool.” Mr. T proclaims with his usual piss and vinegar attitude.
“Now fellows, he came up with a plan and I say we stick to it. I must also mention that maybe it would be best if I led this little troop.” The Doctor says this and gets a blank stare back from everyone in his group. Though, being the Time Lord he is, takes no notice of this at all and instantly takes control of his group. Mr. T then looks at Indy and says,
“Who does this fairy think he is, Jesus Christ?”
Indy looks back at Mr. T and replies with, “No, we left him at home. Oh well, he seems pretty confident, though he does remind me of Marcus Brody.”
A very determined Doomsday comes crashing through the flames, not even noticing that the heat is scorching his harden skin. Just then, out of nowhere, Doomsday is knocked in the head by US Agents shield. The attack on him does little damage but it does take his attention away for a moment, which gives Snake the time he needs to attack Doomsday from behind, sending him crashing into a fiery inferno down below. The two ‘Ford’ teammates know this will not be enough to kill their opponent, but it does give them the time they need to go back and join up with Snape.
Dementor #1 has been watching closely from above and soon enough finds his easiest target. Sensing the innocence of a young boy, he quickly zeros in and swoops down to where he is. Fantastic Max who was joined by his two toy friends suddenly feels cold and soon has the feeling of death come over his body. His fellow teammates feel the same way and though they know they have to stop the creature, they cannot move to do so. Shortly thereafter the Dementors' 'Kiss' has taken Max’s soul away from him, ending his very short life. This enrages Mr. T who cannot stand to see such an atrocity take place in front of him.
Though he comes at the Dementor with all his might, Mr. T meets the same demise as his teammate. As soon as Mr. T is killed, it becomes quite clear to Indy and the Doctor that they too would meet the same end if they do not escape as quickly as possible. This naturally is easier said then done, because shortly after, both of them are knocked to the ground, paralyzed by the overwhelming fear and sadness that the Dementor has caused them to feel.
Orion takes off into the air only to be met by Bill’s hammer “Storm Breaker”. Orion is sent flying into the air and down back onto the ground. Though a bit shaken up, he is not seriously hurt and quickly takes off again.
“You didn’t think I was going to make this easy on you, did you?”
“Of course not, I only wish for your sake you would have…” just as Orion starts to speak, multiple lightening bolts began to strike down on him from everywhere, knocking him to the ground once again. This time Bill follows him down to the ground and repeatedly comes crashing down on him with his hammer. Orion is not so lucky this time around, as one of his boosters has become damaged, making flight impossible at this time. Orion now realizes what has happened, evading Bill’s next hit and blasting him with his “Astro Force”, which sends Beta Ray Bill flying hundreds of yards through the flaming jungle. Orion, due to his regenerative abilities, is as good as ever and starts his way through the jungle in search for his opponent.
Doomsday doesn’t understand how he could have been taken down so easily. This angers him greatly, making his already fearsome demeanor seem even more powerful. He makes his way through the jungle with even less restraint then before, knocking over flaming trees with the ease of a plow going through snow. Doomsday begins to speed up as he sees his two opponents ahead of him. US Agent and Solid Snake know they are in for the fight of their lives and know that the only way they will stand a chance against him, is if they can find Severus in time.
Indy and Doctor Who were thinking the same exact thing as the Dementor hovered above them ready to go in for the kill. Just as they assumed hope was lost, a bright light appeared overhead, knocking the Dementor straight up into the blazing sky. Indy and the Doctor both looked up and saw Severus Snape staring straight back at them. Severus in his usual droll voice says, “It looked like the two of you could use some help. Now get up and come with me.” The three of them take off but not before grabbing FX and AB, who were lying next to the dead body of their friend.
US Agent was hoping to catch up to Snape in time for his encounter with Doomsday, but it was now very apparent that this was not going to happen. When Doomsday finally catches up to him, it only takes mere seconds for him to tear US Agent’s body into pieces. Solid Snake sees this and in a bought of rage, runs after the giant menace with every intention of not coming out alive. This may have happened, but right as Snake was about to attack Doomsday, he is blasted to the ground by a bolt of energy from his teammates wand.
“Stay away from him you twit, this stone behemoth is mine”, a very stern Severus Snape says as he unloads his magic upon the Superman killer. Doomsday is knocked to the ground and is visibly shaken by the spell. Doomsday gets back up but is instantly knocked back down by the wizard, who yells at his teammates to go find Bill and stay close to him. Indy, Snake, The Doctor and the two toy friends run as fast as they can towards the base camp that they are hoping is still there.
Orion is moving through the jungle at a great rate of speed when he runs into a seemingly lost man. Normally in a battle you are to attack anyone not on your team, but since Orion was brought up to contain his rage, he decides to talk to the man instead.
“Excuse me, what are you doing here?”
“Oh yes, I’m glad you asked me that. I’m looking for the base camp of Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches. I was transported in the wrong spot and was supposed to meet up with you guys somewhere.” A very convincing Doctor Who states. “If you would like to see my identification, I have it with me.”
Orion for some reason looks at the ID and sees that it reads Prime Minister Tony Blair, member of Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches. He doesn’t remember seeing Tony Blair in their locker room, but since he is new to the team, he figures that it must be just an oversight on his part.
“Well, nice to meet you Mr. Blair. If you want to follow me, I am on my way to finding Beta Ray Bill. You haven’t seen him by chance have you?”
“As a matter of fact, he has”, Beta Ray Bill says to Orion just as he smashes him across the face with his hammer. “Good trick doctor, now get the rest of the people to safety and let me take care of this.”
“Right then, you are the boss Bill” The Doctor along with Snake, Indy and the toys are off once again to find a safe place to hide.
“Do you really think you can kill me with your measly magic Severus?” Doomsday says as he stands up and looks at the wizard. “No, I don’t think I can kill you, I know I can”. Just as Snape says this, Doomsday comes running full speed at him but is suddenly stopped, dead in his tracks. Doomsday looks stunned as he is hit by a green blast that is accompanied by the words, “Avada Kedavra”. Severus Snape has hit Doomsday with the killing curse, which instantly takes the life away from the once powerful villain. Snape stands there for a while taking in what he had done. Soon enough though, he takes off once again in search of his teammates.
Orion and Bill have been at it for sometime now, trading blow after blow, lightening bolt for energy blast. Orion seemed to be at a disadvantage because Bill never seemed to slow down. He was constantly flying above and coming back down on top of him, causing such a commotion, as to make it so no one in the jungle could escape the noise. This gave Indy and the gang comfort of some sort, as they knew their leader was still alive. Just as they had made it back to their camp though, the Doctor clutched at his throat and fell to the ground. He reached for his Sonic Screwdriver and even managed to get off a blast, but it was of no use. Snake even tried to help the Doctor up, but it was too late, he was already dead.
“Darth Vader, fancy meeting you here”, Indy said to the Sith Lord. Just then Vader takes out his light saber and ignites it. Snake instinctively pulls out his gun and begins to fire it at Vader. Vader easily deflects the shots and knocks the gun out of his hands. Vader then jumps in the air and in one quick motion comes down with his sword, slicing through the body of Solid Snake. Mere seconds after Snakes death though, Indy manages to knock Vader’s laser sword out of his hands. Vader then force pushes Indiana Jones down to the ground into a burning tree. Indy’s clothes catch fire and he is forced to take off his jacket.
At this time FX and AB are down on the ground trying to get to Lord Vader’s light saber before he can. Their effort, though valiant, is a useless one as Vader pick’s it up and in one fluid motion, crushes both toys with his bare hands.
Vader once again ignites his light saber and goes in for the kill on Indy when he senses something coming from behind him. He senses great power and through the force hears the words “Avada Kedavra”. He immediately turns around and blocks a green blast from the wand of Severus Snape.
“You may have killed Doomsday with your sorcery, but you are no match for the dark side of the force.”
Severus Snape looks directly back at the Sith Lord and says, “Well Lord Vader, I’d like to test that theory.”
Severus Snape lets out a constant barrage of blasts from his wand, but they are all absorbed by Vader’s lightsaber. Snape knows deep down that Vader is more powerful then him, but he is hoping that Vader’s power has also clouded his mind.
“I sense a great deal of fear and hatred in you Severus. That can be a powerful weapon in the right hands, but your fear clouds your judgment more than anything.”
“What fear, I fear nothing Lord Vader. You must be misunderstanding something”, Snape says with a look of worry in his eyes.
“I misunderstand nothing Severus, you have several fears. For right now though, you fear but only one thing”, Vader says.
“And what would that be?”
“You fear this”, just then, Vader crushes the wand in Snapes hand, shattering it into pieces. Snape doesn’t even have time to react, as he is force pushed down to the ground. As Snape lies there on the ground, just beginning to realize what has happened to him, he feels the blade of the light saber pierce his stomach. Vader makes sure to slowly slide the blade into his gut, hoping that the slow death will give him the extra time to understand the true power of the dark side.
“Take this as a lesson Severus, for next time, I would like you to at least put up a fight.” Snape hears Vader’s words as he dies, filling his heart with more rage than he had ever felt in his life.
Indy has since run off in hopes of finding Beta Ray Bill. He began to worry since he stopped hearing sounds of a battle about five minutes ago. Indy continued to run through the jungle, as he knew Lord Vader was just behind him. He hoped that Snape was able to take him, but he kind of assumed the worse. Just then Indy looked up and saw Bill flying above him. He tried to signal down to him but the flames of the trees were just too thick to get through. Indy was tired and hot and though he wanted to stop and rest, he knew that he was in no position to so.
As he was running through the smoldering jungle, he began to feel coldness near him. At first it felt like relief from the heat, but soon enough he recognized the feeling not as a break from the heat, but as a cold sadness rushing through his veins. All this time he had assumed that Snapes’ spell had killed the Dementor, but in reality it had only driven it away. As in before, Indy felt like he could not move; only this time he almost relished the fact that the Dementor had come to kill him. The Dementor hovered over him with his dark stare and began to take his soul.
Indy lied there on the ash covered ground and just waited for death to overtake him. The Dementor was just about to finish his task when Indy saw Beta Ray Bill coming for him. Indy hoped that he was going to be fast enough but right as Bill came close enough to do anything, the Dementor succeeded in taking the life away from Indiana Jones.
“That was a bad move my friend”, Bill said to the soon to be dead Dementor.
As the Dementor had finished up on Indy, Bill took “Storm Breaker” and smashed the once whole Dementor into a thousand tiny pieces. It looked like a big cloud of black dust as the hammer came crashing down on the Dementor. Bill then flew back up into the air, hoping to finish this ridiculously long drawn out match once and for all.
Darth Vader had felt the death of the Dementor and did worry because he could not sense Orion at all. He made his way through the jungle quite quickly and it was only a matter of time before he found the body of Orion. He was not dead, but he was barely alive. He knew with the healing factor that if given enough time he would be fine. Just as Vader thought this, he felt the oncoming approach of Beta Ray Bill and ignited his light saber once more. The dark lord of the Sith was shocked to see how unharmed the Korbinite looked, he would have thought his teammate would have put up a better fight then he did.
Bill was coming straight for Lord Vader when he noticed that the jungle’s fire was no longer acting in a sporadic manner. It was too late before he realized what was going on though, as the flames of his own doing began to consume him. He tried to get away from them until he realized that he could not escape Vader’s control.
He decided to use this to his advantage, so instead of running away, he flew directly towards them. Vader tried to keep him from racing in towards him but the wild Korbinite was too powerful to control. Bill came crashing down on top of Vader and Orion, engulfing all three of them in flames.
Vader, though powerful with the dark side of the force, was not powerful enough to withstand the brute force of the impact with the meteor known as Beta Ray Bill. It also didn’t help that as soon as Bill crashed down on them, he took “Storm Breaker” and smashed it onto Darth Vader’s head, killing him instantly. Bill now lying on the ground next to Orion was beaten and hurt. He looked over at his opponent and hoped he was dead. Knowing full well that hoping was not enough to kill someone as powerful as Orion, Bill stood up one more time and lifted “Storm Breaker” above his head and began to put the final blow on Orion. With all his might, Beta Ray Bill came crashing down on Orion. Unfortunately for Bill though, his final blow turned out to be anything but. Though Orion had been beaten down this entire match, he had not lost any of his power. While he was lying there, he had created a force field around him, making him virtually impervious to anything.
Beta Ray Bill was shocked when his hammer strike had no effect and was even more shocked when Orion blasted “Storm Breaker” out of his hands, sending it off into the jungle by itself. Beta Ray Bill though still powerful without his hammer, was at this point no match for Orion. Who with one more blast from his wristband, shattered the skull of the mighty alien, giving the Backyardigans their first and very hard fought victory of the second season.
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches are victorious!
(Editor’s Notes: I once again tried to make this as short as possible, but as you can tell I failed miserably. I also wanted to make a note on the structure of the story. If at times it seems like the match might be switching from past to present tense, it’s because it is. After I wrote the story I decided to change it from past to present tense, possibly making it confusing in some spots. I pretty much re-wrote the story to make the fix but just in case I missed something, I wanted to let you know.
I also want you to know that the reference to Jesus Christ being on Jared’s team was in reference to the fact that ‘Aslan the Lion’ is on his team. There are also many Dr. Who references in the story that may not make any sense either. Anyways, thanks again for allowing me to write my overlong stories on this site and if you actually made it through the story, thanks for reading it and I hope you enjoyed it.
P.S. I also want to say kudos to Josh, Ryan and Bryan for writing these stories week in and week out. I don’t know how you do it and I just want to say that you guys deserve all the credit in the world for doing so. God only knows how long this season would last if I had to write every week.)
Built Ford Tough is US Agent, Solid Snake, Severus Snape, Fantastic Max, AB & FX, Mr. T, Beta Ray Bill, Indiana Jones and The Doctor.
“Apology excepted, Captain Needa”. Tasha looks back at Uniqua who is frightened and says, “See, I told you Lord Vader does not except failure”.
Just then the disc on the Laserdisc player stops and ejects. Tasha grabs the remote control and presses play to no avail.
“How many times do I have to tell you Tasha, that I do not want you watching these films”, a very stern Darth Vader says.
“Sorry Lord Vader, I just wanted to show Uniqua that you do not like it when teammates of yours fail you. I just wanted to make sure she understood that so that she would never lose sight of the prize.”
“Well then, I suppose I can let this one slide. Why must you always watch the original Trilogy though, I prefer the prequels. At least that trilogy has a happy ending”. Then Lord Vader walks out of the room and joins his team as they are transported to Val Verde.
Despite the fact that Beta Ray Bill is a rookie (starting in his first match no less), he still knows that the battle ahead is going to be a difficult one. He is confident in the team he has surrounding him, but he knows that in order to defeat the division winner, he is going to have to come out with as much force as possible right from the beginning. His plan comes to him almost immediately and right away he lets everyone on ‘Built Ford Tough’ in on it. The plan is to make the Jungle of Val Verde as chaotic as possible. Luckily for him, his team has the advantage, as they are the first team transported to the battlefield.
Immediately upon arriving, Bill takes out his hammer “Storm Breaker” and cast down hundreds of bolts of lightening on the jungle, causing it to burst into flames. He has also instructed his teammate, Severus Snape, to inflict as much damage upon the jungle as possible. The remaining members of ‘Built Ford Tough’ are lying low, as not to be killed by the inferno caused by their teammates.
Darth Vader and his team are transported to the battlefield and are immediately met with a blaze of heat that would have killed any mortal man. Vader instantly uses the force to snuff out the fire around him and his team and begins to see if he can sense where his opponent’s are starting from.
“I sense fear coming from this direction, but with it a great power. We will give them no mercy”, Lord Vader states as Doomsday and Orion stare back at him. Dementor #1 stays with his team at first, but quickly flies away looking for the first pleasant soul that he can feast on.
Beta Ray Bill knows that with the fire, he will gain much-needed cover to protect his team. The only downside to his plan is that has made spreading out a bit more difficult, though not impossible. Snape has created small pathways for his teammates to travel through. Which allows them the advantage of moving about much more freely then they would have otherwise. They are traveling together in small groups, each of which is lead by different members. The first group to go off is US Agent and Solid Snake. They have become quick friends in the locker room and are instantly off looking for someone to kill. The other group includes Indiana Jones, Mr. T, Fantastic Max, FX, AB and the Doctor. Indy, who is really wishing that this place wasn’t a huge ball of fire, leads the group.
“I know old horse face up there is powerful and all, but I’m not too sure if this whole fire thing was the best idea”.
“I know Indy, he’s a damn fool.” Mr. T proclaims with his usual piss and vinegar attitude.
“Now fellows, he came up with a plan and I say we stick to it. I must also mention that maybe it would be best if I led this little troop.” The Doctor says this and gets a blank stare back from everyone in his group. Though, being the Time Lord he is, takes no notice of this at all and instantly takes control of his group. Mr. T then looks at Indy and says,
“Who does this fairy think he is, Jesus Christ?”
Indy looks back at Mr. T and replies with, “No, we left him at home. Oh well, he seems pretty confident, though he does remind me of Marcus Brody.”
A very determined Doomsday comes crashing through the flames, not even noticing that the heat is scorching his harden skin. Just then, out of nowhere, Doomsday is knocked in the head by US Agents shield. The attack on him does little damage but it does take his attention away for a moment, which gives Snake the time he needs to attack Doomsday from behind, sending him crashing into a fiery inferno down below. The two ‘Ford’ teammates know this will not be enough to kill their opponent, but it does give them the time they need to go back and join up with Snape.
Dementor #1 has been watching closely from above and soon enough finds his easiest target. Sensing the innocence of a young boy, he quickly zeros in and swoops down to where he is. Fantastic Max who was joined by his two toy friends suddenly feels cold and soon has the feeling of death come over his body. His fellow teammates feel the same way and though they know they have to stop the creature, they cannot move to do so. Shortly thereafter the Dementors' 'Kiss' has taken Max’s soul away from him, ending his very short life. This enrages Mr. T who cannot stand to see such an atrocity take place in front of him.
Though he comes at the Dementor with all his might, Mr. T meets the same demise as his teammate. As soon as Mr. T is killed, it becomes quite clear to Indy and the Doctor that they too would meet the same end if they do not escape as quickly as possible. This naturally is easier said then done, because shortly after, both of them are knocked to the ground, paralyzed by the overwhelming fear and sadness that the Dementor has caused them to feel.
Orion takes off into the air only to be met by Bill’s hammer “Storm Breaker”. Orion is sent flying into the air and down back onto the ground. Though a bit shaken up, he is not seriously hurt and quickly takes off again.
“You didn’t think I was going to make this easy on you, did you?”
“Of course not, I only wish for your sake you would have…” just as Orion starts to speak, multiple lightening bolts began to strike down on him from everywhere, knocking him to the ground once again. This time Bill follows him down to the ground and repeatedly comes crashing down on him with his hammer. Orion is not so lucky this time around, as one of his boosters has become damaged, making flight impossible at this time. Orion now realizes what has happened, evading Bill’s next hit and blasting him with his “Astro Force”, which sends Beta Ray Bill flying hundreds of yards through the flaming jungle. Orion, due to his regenerative abilities, is as good as ever and starts his way through the jungle in search for his opponent.
Doomsday doesn’t understand how he could have been taken down so easily. This angers him greatly, making his already fearsome demeanor seem even more powerful. He makes his way through the jungle with even less restraint then before, knocking over flaming trees with the ease of a plow going through snow. Doomsday begins to speed up as he sees his two opponents ahead of him. US Agent and Solid Snake know they are in for the fight of their lives and know that the only way they will stand a chance against him, is if they can find Severus in time.
Indy and Doctor Who were thinking the same exact thing as the Dementor hovered above them ready to go in for the kill. Just as they assumed hope was lost, a bright light appeared overhead, knocking the Dementor straight up into the blazing sky. Indy and the Doctor both looked up and saw Severus Snape staring straight back at them. Severus in his usual droll voice says, “It looked like the two of you could use some help. Now get up and come with me.” The three of them take off but not before grabbing FX and AB, who were lying next to the dead body of their friend.
US Agent was hoping to catch up to Snape in time for his encounter with Doomsday, but it was now very apparent that this was not going to happen. When Doomsday finally catches up to him, it only takes mere seconds for him to tear US Agent’s body into pieces. Solid Snake sees this and in a bought of rage, runs after the giant menace with every intention of not coming out alive. This may have happened, but right as Snake was about to attack Doomsday, he is blasted to the ground by a bolt of energy from his teammates wand.
“Stay away from him you twit, this stone behemoth is mine”, a very stern Severus Snape says as he unloads his magic upon the Superman killer. Doomsday is knocked to the ground and is visibly shaken by the spell. Doomsday gets back up but is instantly knocked back down by the wizard, who yells at his teammates to go find Bill and stay close to him. Indy, Snake, The Doctor and the two toy friends run as fast as they can towards the base camp that they are hoping is still there.
Orion is moving through the jungle at a great rate of speed when he runs into a seemingly lost man. Normally in a battle you are to attack anyone not on your team, but since Orion was brought up to contain his rage, he decides to talk to the man instead.
“Excuse me, what are you doing here?”
“Oh yes, I’m glad you asked me that. I’m looking for the base camp of Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches. I was transported in the wrong spot and was supposed to meet up with you guys somewhere.” A very convincing Doctor Who states. “If you would like to see my identification, I have it with me.”
Orion for some reason looks at the ID and sees that it reads Prime Minister Tony Blair, member of Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches. He doesn’t remember seeing Tony Blair in their locker room, but since he is new to the team, he figures that it must be just an oversight on his part.
“Well, nice to meet you Mr. Blair. If you want to follow me, I am on my way to finding Beta Ray Bill. You haven’t seen him by chance have you?”
“As a matter of fact, he has”, Beta Ray Bill says to Orion just as he smashes him across the face with his hammer. “Good trick doctor, now get the rest of the people to safety and let me take care of this.”
“Right then, you are the boss Bill” The Doctor along with Snake, Indy and the toys are off once again to find a safe place to hide.
“Do you really think you can kill me with your measly magic Severus?” Doomsday says as he stands up and looks at the wizard. “No, I don’t think I can kill you, I know I can”. Just as Snape says this, Doomsday comes running full speed at him but is suddenly stopped, dead in his tracks. Doomsday looks stunned as he is hit by a green blast that is accompanied by the words, “Avada Kedavra”. Severus Snape has hit Doomsday with the killing curse, which instantly takes the life away from the once powerful villain. Snape stands there for a while taking in what he had done. Soon enough though, he takes off once again in search of his teammates.
Orion and Bill have been at it for sometime now, trading blow after blow, lightening bolt for energy blast. Orion seemed to be at a disadvantage because Bill never seemed to slow down. He was constantly flying above and coming back down on top of him, causing such a commotion, as to make it so no one in the jungle could escape the noise. This gave Indy and the gang comfort of some sort, as they knew their leader was still alive. Just as they had made it back to their camp though, the Doctor clutched at his throat and fell to the ground. He reached for his Sonic Screwdriver and even managed to get off a blast, but it was of no use. Snake even tried to help the Doctor up, but it was too late, he was already dead.
“Darth Vader, fancy meeting you here”, Indy said to the Sith Lord. Just then Vader takes out his light saber and ignites it. Snake instinctively pulls out his gun and begins to fire it at Vader. Vader easily deflects the shots and knocks the gun out of his hands. Vader then jumps in the air and in one quick motion comes down with his sword, slicing through the body of Solid Snake. Mere seconds after Snakes death though, Indy manages to knock Vader’s laser sword out of his hands. Vader then force pushes Indiana Jones down to the ground into a burning tree. Indy’s clothes catch fire and he is forced to take off his jacket.
At this time FX and AB are down on the ground trying to get to Lord Vader’s light saber before he can. Their effort, though valiant, is a useless one as Vader pick’s it up and in one fluid motion, crushes both toys with his bare hands.
Vader once again ignites his light saber and goes in for the kill on Indy when he senses something coming from behind him. He senses great power and through the force hears the words “Avada Kedavra”. He immediately turns around and blocks a green blast from the wand of Severus Snape.
“You may have killed Doomsday with your sorcery, but you are no match for the dark side of the force.”
Severus Snape looks directly back at the Sith Lord and says, “Well Lord Vader, I’d like to test that theory.”
Severus Snape lets out a constant barrage of blasts from his wand, but they are all absorbed by Vader’s lightsaber. Snape knows deep down that Vader is more powerful then him, but he is hoping that Vader’s power has also clouded his mind.
“I sense a great deal of fear and hatred in you Severus. That can be a powerful weapon in the right hands, but your fear clouds your judgment more than anything.”
“What fear, I fear nothing Lord Vader. You must be misunderstanding something”, Snape says with a look of worry in his eyes.
“I misunderstand nothing Severus, you have several fears. For right now though, you fear but only one thing”, Vader says.
“And what would that be?”
“You fear this”, just then, Vader crushes the wand in Snapes hand, shattering it into pieces. Snape doesn’t even have time to react, as he is force pushed down to the ground. As Snape lies there on the ground, just beginning to realize what has happened to him, he feels the blade of the light saber pierce his stomach. Vader makes sure to slowly slide the blade into his gut, hoping that the slow death will give him the extra time to understand the true power of the dark side.
“Take this as a lesson Severus, for next time, I would like you to at least put up a fight.” Snape hears Vader’s words as he dies, filling his heart with more rage than he had ever felt in his life.
Indy has since run off in hopes of finding Beta Ray Bill. He began to worry since he stopped hearing sounds of a battle about five minutes ago. Indy continued to run through the jungle, as he knew Lord Vader was just behind him. He hoped that Snape was able to take him, but he kind of assumed the worse. Just then Indy looked up and saw Bill flying above him. He tried to signal down to him but the flames of the trees were just too thick to get through. Indy was tired and hot and though he wanted to stop and rest, he knew that he was in no position to so.
As he was running through the smoldering jungle, he began to feel coldness near him. At first it felt like relief from the heat, but soon enough he recognized the feeling not as a break from the heat, but as a cold sadness rushing through his veins. All this time he had assumed that Snapes’ spell had killed the Dementor, but in reality it had only driven it away. As in before, Indy felt like he could not move; only this time he almost relished the fact that the Dementor had come to kill him. The Dementor hovered over him with his dark stare and began to take his soul.
Indy lied there on the ash covered ground and just waited for death to overtake him. The Dementor was just about to finish his task when Indy saw Beta Ray Bill coming for him. Indy hoped that he was going to be fast enough but right as Bill came close enough to do anything, the Dementor succeeded in taking the life away from Indiana Jones.
“That was a bad move my friend”, Bill said to the soon to be dead Dementor.
As the Dementor had finished up on Indy, Bill took “Storm Breaker” and smashed the once whole Dementor into a thousand tiny pieces. It looked like a big cloud of black dust as the hammer came crashing down on the Dementor. Bill then flew back up into the air, hoping to finish this ridiculously long drawn out match once and for all.
Darth Vader had felt the death of the Dementor and did worry because he could not sense Orion at all. He made his way through the jungle quite quickly and it was only a matter of time before he found the body of Orion. He was not dead, but he was barely alive. He knew with the healing factor that if given enough time he would be fine. Just as Vader thought this, he felt the oncoming approach of Beta Ray Bill and ignited his light saber once more. The dark lord of the Sith was shocked to see how unharmed the Korbinite looked, he would have thought his teammate would have put up a better fight then he did.
Bill was coming straight for Lord Vader when he noticed that the jungle’s fire was no longer acting in a sporadic manner. It was too late before he realized what was going on though, as the flames of his own doing began to consume him. He tried to get away from them until he realized that he could not escape Vader’s control.
He decided to use this to his advantage, so instead of running away, he flew directly towards them. Vader tried to keep him from racing in towards him but the wild Korbinite was too powerful to control. Bill came crashing down on top of Vader and Orion, engulfing all three of them in flames.
Vader, though powerful with the dark side of the force, was not powerful enough to withstand the brute force of the impact with the meteor known as Beta Ray Bill. It also didn’t help that as soon as Bill crashed down on them, he took “Storm Breaker” and smashed it onto Darth Vader’s head, killing him instantly. Bill now lying on the ground next to Orion was beaten and hurt. He looked over at his opponent and hoped he was dead. Knowing full well that hoping was not enough to kill someone as powerful as Orion, Bill stood up one more time and lifted “Storm Breaker” above his head and began to put the final blow on Orion. With all his might, Beta Ray Bill came crashing down on Orion. Unfortunately for Bill though, his final blow turned out to be anything but. Though Orion had been beaten down this entire match, he had not lost any of his power. While he was lying there, he had created a force field around him, making him virtually impervious to anything.
Beta Ray Bill was shocked when his hammer strike had no effect and was even more shocked when Orion blasted “Storm Breaker” out of his hands, sending it off into the jungle by itself. Beta Ray Bill though still powerful without his hammer, was at this point no match for Orion. Who with one more blast from his wristband, shattered the skull of the mighty alien, giving the Backyardigans their first and very hard fought victory of the second season.
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches are victorious!
(Editor’s Notes: I once again tried to make this as short as possible, but as you can tell I failed miserably. I also wanted to make a note on the structure of the story. If at times it seems like the match might be switching from past to present tense, it’s because it is. After I wrote the story I decided to change it from past to present tense, possibly making it confusing in some spots. I pretty much re-wrote the story to make the fix but just in case I missed something, I wanted to let you know.
I also want you to know that the reference to Jesus Christ being on Jared’s team was in reference to the fact that ‘Aslan the Lion’ is on his team. There are also many Dr. Who references in the story that may not make any sense either. Anyways, thanks again for allowing me to write my overlong stories on this site and if you actually made it through the story, thanks for reading it and I hope you enjoyed it.
P.S. I also want to say kudos to Josh, Ryan and Bryan for writing these stories week in and week out. I don’t know how you do it and I just want to say that you guys deserve all the credit in the world for doing so. God only knows how long this season would last if I had to write every week.)
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master, Superboy Prime, Supergirl, Phoenix, & Cloud Stryfe on a 4-Wheeler.
TEAM is Superman, Comet the Super Horse, Thunderstrike, Galvatron, & Bruce Lee & Ryan Poteracki in a Land Speeder.
The epic battle for the little brown laser continues with these 2 major American League inter-conference rivals. Luke Skywalker approaches Superman at the beginning of the battle and says to him “I can sense that you have much power Superman, you are a worthy opponent, I must say, I am a newcomer to this universe and I do not understand the hatred that our 2 teams have for one another”. Superman answers him with “there are many things about this world that are not to be understood Luke, I fight along side a younger version of yourself and I know that you are pure of heart. Good lock to you friend”. Superman than flies away and regroups with his team. Cloud Strife is tearing through the jungle landscape on his 4-Wheeler being chased by a land speeder being driven by Ryan Poteracki with Bruce Lee in the passenger seat. Cloud Strife is weaving in and out of the trees and brush to maintain distance between himself and the faster land speeder while Ryan is driving as fast as he can possibly go, plowing into the sides of anything in his way and paying no heed to whatever small animal or object dares to block his path (you know, just like he drives his G-6). Superman, Thunderstrike, & Comet take flight as do Superboy, Supergirl, & Phoenix yet they all hang back waiting for the other team to make the first move. In a surprising move Comet zips in between Superboy & girl and then swoops down toward Luke who is stuck down on the ground. Comet makes a move to attack Luke but Skywalker leaps onto the back of the super horse and holds on. Comet climbs higher and higher into the sky but Luke continues to hold on as he pulls out his lightsaber and begins to stick it into the thick skin of Comet. Comet nays in pain as the Jedi finally plunges the lightsaber into Comet killing the beast. Once dead Comet goes plummeting to the ground with Luke free falling as well from an incredible height but The Grand Jedi Master effortlessly lands on his feet as if he just hopped down from a stepstool. Luke than force leaps into the air toward Superman with his lightsaber drawn but Superman punches him in the stomach sending him back down into the thick foliage. The newest member of The Horsemen Phoenix begins to summon the cosmic force of the Phoenix power to attack TEAM but Galvatron from down below transforms into his massive cannon form and with a single blast targets Rachel Summers out of the air completely vaporizing the X-Man. Ryan turns to Bruce Lee and says in a nasally voice “What did he say his name was”? Bruce answers him thinking that that is quite the strange question since they just talked to this years #1 draft pick at the TEAM meet and greet by saying “Galvatron”. Ryan is about to explain the joke but just says “uhh never mind”. Poteracki and Lee are gaining on Cloud Strife, once they catch up to him Ryan starts ramming the back of the quad with the front end of the land speeder. Cloud sees that the vehicle he is on simply cannot outrun the speeder so he back flips onto the back of the speeder and pulls out his massive sword. Ryan maniacally laughs as he swerves around trying to knock cloud off and making Bruce Lee want to projectile vomit (now that I think about it maybe the latter was his real intention). But Cloud balances himself and drives his sword right into Ryan’s head (yes, that was Ryan, a member of TEAM killed by Cloud Strife, a Final Fantasy character and member of the Horsemen; at this point I am not even sure who that is spiting). With Ryan dead the land speeder goes out of control flinging both Bruce Lee and a weaponless Cloud Strife from the speeder (Cloud’s sword is still wedged in Ryan’s head). Bruce and Cloud start fighting hand to hand with Cloud initially taking the offensive but in the end it is Bruce Lee’s mad Kung Fu skills that come out on top when he stuns Strife with a karate chop to the neck and then maneuvers himself behind his opponent to crack his neck. Although he would never admit it Superboy was quite impressed with Galvatron’s prior show of power which is why he is hell bent on out doing him. Superboy flies in low just over the landscape faster than Galvatron can even move his optics and then pops out under the cover of the dense jungle and rockets right through the massive Decepticon. Though damaged, Galvatron is not defeated by this move. He turns around in an attempt to blast the Kryptonian with his orange arm mounted cannon but Superboy was just beginning. In the blink of an eye Superboy circles back around and then rockets back thru Galvatron three more times. The powerful Galvatron is barely functioning as he attempts to lift his arm back up but he simply falls to his knees and then collapses. Supergirl and Thunderstrike begin battling in the air while Superman begins chasing Superboy before he can do any more damage. Supergirl punches Thunderstrike in the face stunning the Asgardian and then attempts to pull his Thunderstrike hammer from his hand. When she does this the weight of the hammer that she is unable to wield instantly pulls her down to the ground fast with Thunderstrike falling down as well without the hammer to hold him up. Once down on the ground the 2 confused opponents begin pounding on each other ferociously. Supergirl seems to be gaining the upper hand without Thunderstrike holding his weapon of the same name which is why he makes a move to pick it back up. He grasps for Thunderstrike but on his way down Supergirl clenches her fist together and brings them down hard on the back of his head killing him. Superboy Prime lands in front of Bruce Lee while Superman is racing down to help his new teammate whom he knows is very outmatched by the younger alternate universe version of himself. Bruce Lee attempts some really cool looking Kung Fu moves on Superboy but they have no affect on him whatsoever. Superboy simply blows on Bruce Lee which simultaneously flash freezes him and blows him hundreds of yards away where he will crack into many pieces once he hits the ground. Superman, who is somewhat disgusted at Superboy’s abuse of his power lands several yards away from Superboy and begins walking toward him. Meanwhile Luke Skywalker is shaking off the hit he took from Superman early in the fight which would have been enough to break every bone in the body of a human that was not so well protected by the force. Luke comes to his senses and realizes that his team needs him so he starts racing toward Superman at an amazing speed while Supergirl does the same from the air. The two of them travel miles in a matter of seconds but they still only get there in time to witness the end of the fight between Superman and Superboy. Superboy blew as hard as he could against Superman as The Man of Steel walked toward him but it looked like little more than a light breeze was blowing against him. Superboy, realizing that this move was not going to have anywhere close to the same effect it had on Bruce Lee rushes at Superman pounding on him with his fists so fast that they cannot even be seen by the human eye and so hard that the sound could be heard miles away. Superman it seems backs off slightly into the air but then uses a massive blast of heat vision to subdue Superboy. Superboy struggles but he is pushed harder and harder down onto the ground. When Superman lets up he sees a blackened and bruised Superboy who he flies down to finish off by hitting him so hard on the ground that it sends him deep below the Valverdi surface creating a crater in its wake. Luke and Supergirl surround The Man of Steel slowly, weary of what they know their opponent is capable of. Luke comes in fast with his lightsaber quickly evading Superman’s attacks and making contact with several of his own but the lightsaber is unable to penetrate Superman’s skin. Luke back flips back out of the way and Superman tries to blow the Jedi away with his breath. At the same time Luke attempts a force push but the 2 combatants both wear themselves out just trying to budge the other one. Superman than tries to blast Luke with his Heat Vision but Luke manages to not only block it with his lightsaber but also direct it back at him. Supergirl sees this move taking place and sends her own blast of heat vision at Superman as well. This huge double dose of power knocks The Man of Steel to the ground, severely weakening him. The Horsemen waste no time as they both leap on top of Superman. Supergirl begins pounding on him with her fists while Luke is still trying to stick his lightsaber thru the impossibly thick skin of Superman. “I am simply unable to penetrate the skin Supergirl” Luke yells to his teammate but Supergirl replies with “than allow me”. Supergirl grabs the lightsaber out of Luke’s hands and with all of her might stabs the Jedi weapon into her cousin breaking the lightsaber but sending it into his chest hilt and all.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
TEAM is Superman, Comet the Super Horse, Thunderstrike, Galvatron, & Bruce Lee & Ryan Poteracki in a Land Speeder.
The epic battle for the little brown laser continues with these 2 major American League inter-conference rivals. Luke Skywalker approaches Superman at the beginning of the battle and says to him “I can sense that you have much power Superman, you are a worthy opponent, I must say, I am a newcomer to this universe and I do not understand the hatred that our 2 teams have for one another”. Superman answers him with “there are many things about this world that are not to be understood Luke, I fight along side a younger version of yourself and I know that you are pure of heart. Good lock to you friend”. Superman than flies away and regroups with his team. Cloud Strife is tearing through the jungle landscape on his 4-Wheeler being chased by a land speeder being driven by Ryan Poteracki with Bruce Lee in the passenger seat. Cloud Strife is weaving in and out of the trees and brush to maintain distance between himself and the faster land speeder while Ryan is driving as fast as he can possibly go, plowing into the sides of anything in his way and paying no heed to whatever small animal or object dares to block his path (you know, just like he drives his G-6). Superman, Thunderstrike, & Comet take flight as do Superboy, Supergirl, & Phoenix yet they all hang back waiting for the other team to make the first move. In a surprising move Comet zips in between Superboy & girl and then swoops down toward Luke who is stuck down on the ground. Comet makes a move to attack Luke but Skywalker leaps onto the back of the super horse and holds on. Comet climbs higher and higher into the sky but Luke continues to hold on as he pulls out his lightsaber and begins to stick it into the thick skin of Comet. Comet nays in pain as the Jedi finally plunges the lightsaber into Comet killing the beast. Once dead Comet goes plummeting to the ground with Luke free falling as well from an incredible height but The Grand Jedi Master effortlessly lands on his feet as if he just hopped down from a stepstool. Luke than force leaps into the air toward Superman with his lightsaber drawn but Superman punches him in the stomach sending him back down into the thick foliage. The newest member of The Horsemen Phoenix begins to summon the cosmic force of the Phoenix power to attack TEAM but Galvatron from down below transforms into his massive cannon form and with a single blast targets Rachel Summers out of the air completely vaporizing the X-Man. Ryan turns to Bruce Lee and says in a nasally voice “What did he say his name was”? Bruce answers him thinking that that is quite the strange question since they just talked to this years #1 draft pick at the TEAM meet and greet by saying “Galvatron”. Ryan is about to explain the joke but just says “uhh never mind”. Poteracki and Lee are gaining on Cloud Strife, once they catch up to him Ryan starts ramming the back of the quad with the front end of the land speeder. Cloud sees that the vehicle he is on simply cannot outrun the speeder so he back flips onto the back of the speeder and pulls out his massive sword. Ryan maniacally laughs as he swerves around trying to knock cloud off and making Bruce Lee want to projectile vomit (now that I think about it maybe the latter was his real intention). But Cloud balances himself and drives his sword right into Ryan’s head (yes, that was Ryan, a member of TEAM killed by Cloud Strife, a Final Fantasy character and member of the Horsemen; at this point I am not even sure who that is spiting). With Ryan dead the land speeder goes out of control flinging both Bruce Lee and a weaponless Cloud Strife from the speeder (Cloud’s sword is still wedged in Ryan’s head). Bruce and Cloud start fighting hand to hand with Cloud initially taking the offensive but in the end it is Bruce Lee’s mad Kung Fu skills that come out on top when he stuns Strife with a karate chop to the neck and then maneuvers himself behind his opponent to crack his neck. Although he would never admit it Superboy was quite impressed with Galvatron’s prior show of power which is why he is hell bent on out doing him. Superboy flies in low just over the landscape faster than Galvatron can even move his optics and then pops out under the cover of the dense jungle and rockets right through the massive Decepticon. Though damaged, Galvatron is not defeated by this move. He turns around in an attempt to blast the Kryptonian with his orange arm mounted cannon but Superboy was just beginning. In the blink of an eye Superboy circles back around and then rockets back thru Galvatron three more times. The powerful Galvatron is barely functioning as he attempts to lift his arm back up but he simply falls to his knees and then collapses. Supergirl and Thunderstrike begin battling in the air while Superman begins chasing Superboy before he can do any more damage. Supergirl punches Thunderstrike in the face stunning the Asgardian and then attempts to pull his Thunderstrike hammer from his hand. When she does this the weight of the hammer that she is unable to wield instantly pulls her down to the ground fast with Thunderstrike falling down as well without the hammer to hold him up. Once down on the ground the 2 confused opponents begin pounding on each other ferociously. Supergirl seems to be gaining the upper hand without Thunderstrike holding his weapon of the same name which is why he makes a move to pick it back up. He grasps for Thunderstrike but on his way down Supergirl clenches her fist together and brings them down hard on the back of his head killing him. Superboy Prime lands in front of Bruce Lee while Superman is racing down to help his new teammate whom he knows is very outmatched by the younger alternate universe version of himself. Bruce Lee attempts some really cool looking Kung Fu moves on Superboy but they have no affect on him whatsoever. Superboy simply blows on Bruce Lee which simultaneously flash freezes him and blows him hundreds of yards away where he will crack into many pieces once he hits the ground. Superman, who is somewhat disgusted at Superboy’s abuse of his power lands several yards away from Superboy and begins walking toward him. Meanwhile Luke Skywalker is shaking off the hit he took from Superman early in the fight which would have been enough to break every bone in the body of a human that was not so well protected by the force. Luke comes to his senses and realizes that his team needs him so he starts racing toward Superman at an amazing speed while Supergirl does the same from the air. The two of them travel miles in a matter of seconds but they still only get there in time to witness the end of the fight between Superman and Superboy. Superboy blew as hard as he could against Superman as The Man of Steel walked toward him but it looked like little more than a light breeze was blowing against him. Superboy, realizing that this move was not going to have anywhere close to the same effect it had on Bruce Lee rushes at Superman pounding on him with his fists so fast that they cannot even be seen by the human eye and so hard that the sound could be heard miles away. Superman it seems backs off slightly into the air but then uses a massive blast of heat vision to subdue Superboy. Superboy struggles but he is pushed harder and harder down onto the ground. When Superman lets up he sees a blackened and bruised Superboy who he flies down to finish off by hitting him so hard on the ground that it sends him deep below the Valverdi surface creating a crater in its wake. Luke and Supergirl surround The Man of Steel slowly, weary of what they know their opponent is capable of. Luke comes in fast with his lightsaber quickly evading Superman’s attacks and making contact with several of his own but the lightsaber is unable to penetrate Superman’s skin. Luke back flips back out of the way and Superman tries to blow the Jedi away with his breath. At the same time Luke attempts a force push but the 2 combatants both wear themselves out just trying to budge the other one. Superman than tries to blast Luke with his Heat Vision but Luke manages to not only block it with his lightsaber but also direct it back at him. Supergirl sees this move taking place and sends her own blast of heat vision at Superman as well. This huge double dose of power knocks The Man of Steel to the ground, severely weakening him. The Horsemen waste no time as they both leap on top of Superman. Supergirl begins pounding on him with her fists while Luke is still trying to stick his lightsaber thru the impossibly thick skin of Superman. “I am simply unable to penetrate the skin Supergirl” Luke yells to his teammate but Supergirl replies with “than allow me”. Supergirl grabs the lightsaber out of Luke’s hands and with all of her might stabs the Jedi weapon into her cousin breaking the lightsaber but sending it into his chest hilt and all.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Untouchables Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
The Untouchables are Megatron, Deadpool & Legolas in a Land Speeder, The Insecticons: Bombshell, Kickback, & Shrapnell, & Sinestro (w/ his original Green Ring).
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Ewok #4-40, The Maxx w/ Julie, Ted Nugent, Etrigan the Demon, Brack, Dobby, Greedo, Ron Popeil, Howard the Duck, Lauren Michaels, Doc Brown, & Marine #1.
Head Coach of The Untouchables Commissioner Gordon actually called up Murderflies Head Coach King Leonidas and told him the following. “Your highness I am going to be completely honest with you I started a group of people who will in no way listen to any kind of plan so do yourself a favor and don’t try to over think what it is my team might be doing because even I have no clue”. King Leonidas’ reply was “Oh really, I do that every week”. Deadpool and Legolas are cruising around in their land speeder having one heck of a great time when Legolas says “Wade what matter of wizardry propels this land boat, I have never seen such an invention in all my thousand years”. Deadpool replies with “Oh, this old thing, it’s no big deal I used to ride around in these all the time when I was a kid growing up on Tatooine”. “Really” Legolas answers. “Oh yeah I used to drive around with my droids and, ya know fight Sand people, and then sometimes go hang out with old Ben beyond the Dune Sea”. Deadpool says. Legolas looks over at him truly amazed and says “That sounds like a great story”. Deadpool finishes off the conversation with “Oh yeah it was pretty awesome, they could make a whole trilogy about, but I digress, back to the land speeder. The only problem with this puppy is that ever since the new XP-38 came out they just aren’t in demand. Which reminds me of this other time when…………” Just then Brak jumps out in front of the land speeder and yells “Evil is here, Brak will destroy you! All Hail Brak”! Legolas yells “look out, make this thing stop”! “Deadpool yells in his best Jake Lloyd voice “I’m trying to stop I’m trying to stop”! They then hit Brak head on which kills the alien over lord and wrecks their land speeder. “Sorry about your land boat Wade, who was that guy anyway” Legolas says. Deadpool replies with “I don’t know but it’s a shame he’s dead I was about to start Hailing him as my new leader and everything”. Meanwhile Sinestro takes to the air in an attempt to find a worthy opponent while The Insecticons can’t find any Murderflies either so they just simply start burning the whole Jungle down. The 2 fellow inventors and newly made life long BFF’s Ron Popeil and Doc Brown round up all of the Ewok’s and tell them to take to the trees so they can start implementing some good devices for them to use: Ewok #3, the unofficial leader of the bunch responds with “moogoo ubdub gyuck yuck” which loosely translates to “Damn son it is hot as hell in this forest” which has nothing to do with anything that Doc Brown just told them. Sinestro from high above spots Etrigan hopping through the jungle down below. Sinestro flies down to surprise the Demon but right as he is about to make contact Etrigan whips around and punches the green lantern in the face. Etrigan then blasts him with some hellfire out of his mouth but Sinestro puts up a green energy field just in the nick of time. Sinestro then takes to the air once again to gain an advantage over the powerful demon. Etrigan rips out a tree by its roots and swings it at Sinestro but Sinestro dodges out of the way quickly and then slices the demon in half with an emerald blade. Megatron flies down and can’t decide who to blow up first so he goes with Julie. The Maxx truly believing that he is a mighty super hero climbs up a 3 ft. tall tree and jumps at the mighty Decepticon. The Maxx jumps face first into Megatron’s leg causing him to fall to the ground unconscious. The Mighty Megatron doesn’t notice this attack but if he had it would have been successful in pissing him off. Deadpool screams “Hey! Nobody humps Megatron’s leg except me”. The Merc with a mouth then jumps on top of the Maxx and shoots him 27 times, but afterward he does make sure to say to him “but dude, cool costume”. Ted Nugent and Marine #1 are sneaking through the forest having the time of their lives when they spot Legolas on the horizon. Deadly Tedly looks over at Marine #1 (the character not the helicopter the president rides in) and says “You take the ridge and all go down in the swamp, we’ll get that buck…. I mean elf”. But at that moment Legolas spots the 2 of them and begins running toward them. Ted and the marine (the common not John Cena) both start shooting at Legolas but he is simply to fast and ducks out of the way. Legolas then quickly scampers up a tree and fires off 2 arrows into their chests before Ted and the marine (hell at this point lets just call him Buck) can get their guns off. The Insecticons are mowing through the jungle having killed about 15 ewoks so far when all of the sudden an extremely inebriated Ewok #5 falls out of the tree and dies. This may sound unimportant but that particular ewok was supposed to cut the branch that would put the Popeil/Brown plan into effect. Oh well they will just have to wait for The Insecticons to make their next pass, so they do. This time Ewok #26 climbs the tree and then cuts the desired branch which sets a plan in motion that makes the end of Return of the Jedi not look even the least bit unbelievable, because this time not only do the ewoks crush huge machines with nothing but logs and rocks this time they do it with 1.21 GIGO watts. When Ewok #26 cuts the branch it drops a rock down onto another branch that flings an egg onto the head of Ewok #8 that causes a bird to land on his head and start eating it which then Ewok #3 hits off of Ewok #8’s head with a stick into a cardboard box which throws off the weight distribution on the pulley which was holding up the log which knocks into the windmill which generates enough of a spark to fire up the plutonic powered fire propelled log launcher TM (by Ronco: patent pending). Once turned on this device fires two (count em, not just one, two) huge logs right through the metal chests of both Bombshell and Shrapnell. In the meantime 4 more ewoks have fallen out of trees (those branches are slippery in this humidity) and the other remaining ewoks managed to destroy Kickback the old-fashioned Endor way. Dobby and Greedo, led by Howard the Duck have taken a position behind a fallen tree on the other side of The Untouchables camp. Howard gives the signal and Dobby starts blasting magical bolts at Megatron with Greedo backing him up with his blaster. Megatron turns into his gun form and then falls on the ground because there was no Decepticons left to catch him. A pissed off and embarrassed Megatron then transforms back and just blasts the 3 of them with his arm mounted cannon. Deadpool shoots a frightened Lauren Michaels in the head while he yells “this is for letting Piscopo leave the show”. The ewoks under orders from Popeil and Brown begin to put together a new device when Sinestro flies down and rips both Doc Brown and The Ronco founder in half with a beam of green energy. With their leaders gone the ewoks scatter which prompts Deadpool and Legolas to have an Ewok shooting contest. Final Score: Deadpool 6 Legolas 11.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Ewok #4-40, The Maxx w/ Julie, Ted Nugent, Etrigan the Demon, Brack, Dobby, Greedo, Ron Popeil, Howard the Duck, Lauren Michaels, Doc Brown, & Marine #1.
Head Coach of The Untouchables Commissioner Gordon actually called up Murderflies Head Coach King Leonidas and told him the following. “Your highness I am going to be completely honest with you I started a group of people who will in no way listen to any kind of plan so do yourself a favor and don’t try to over think what it is my team might be doing because even I have no clue”. King Leonidas’ reply was “Oh really, I do that every week”. Deadpool and Legolas are cruising around in their land speeder having one heck of a great time when Legolas says “Wade what matter of wizardry propels this land boat, I have never seen such an invention in all my thousand years”. Deadpool replies with “Oh, this old thing, it’s no big deal I used to ride around in these all the time when I was a kid growing up on Tatooine”. “Really” Legolas answers. “Oh yeah I used to drive around with my droids and, ya know fight Sand people, and then sometimes go hang out with old Ben beyond the Dune Sea”. Deadpool says. Legolas looks over at him truly amazed and says “That sounds like a great story”. Deadpool finishes off the conversation with “Oh yeah it was pretty awesome, they could make a whole trilogy about, but I digress, back to the land speeder. The only problem with this puppy is that ever since the new XP-38 came out they just aren’t in demand. Which reminds me of this other time when…………” Just then Brak jumps out in front of the land speeder and yells “Evil is here, Brak will destroy you! All Hail Brak”! Legolas yells “look out, make this thing stop”! “Deadpool yells in his best Jake Lloyd voice “I’m trying to stop I’m trying to stop”! They then hit Brak head on which kills the alien over lord and wrecks their land speeder. “Sorry about your land boat Wade, who was that guy anyway” Legolas says. Deadpool replies with “I don’t know but it’s a shame he’s dead I was about to start Hailing him as my new leader and everything”. Meanwhile Sinestro takes to the air in an attempt to find a worthy opponent while The Insecticons can’t find any Murderflies either so they just simply start burning the whole Jungle down. The 2 fellow inventors and newly made life long BFF’s Ron Popeil and Doc Brown round up all of the Ewok’s and tell them to take to the trees so they can start implementing some good devices for them to use: Ewok #3, the unofficial leader of the bunch responds with “moogoo ubdub gyuck yuck” which loosely translates to “Damn son it is hot as hell in this forest” which has nothing to do with anything that Doc Brown just told them. Sinestro from high above spots Etrigan hopping through the jungle down below. Sinestro flies down to surprise the Demon but right as he is about to make contact Etrigan whips around and punches the green lantern in the face. Etrigan then blasts him with some hellfire out of his mouth but Sinestro puts up a green energy field just in the nick of time. Sinestro then takes to the air once again to gain an advantage over the powerful demon. Etrigan rips out a tree by its roots and swings it at Sinestro but Sinestro dodges out of the way quickly and then slices the demon in half with an emerald blade. Megatron flies down and can’t decide who to blow up first so he goes with Julie. The Maxx truly believing that he is a mighty super hero climbs up a 3 ft. tall tree and jumps at the mighty Decepticon. The Maxx jumps face first into Megatron’s leg causing him to fall to the ground unconscious. The Mighty Megatron doesn’t notice this attack but if he had it would have been successful in pissing him off. Deadpool screams “Hey! Nobody humps Megatron’s leg except me”. The Merc with a mouth then jumps on top of the Maxx and shoots him 27 times, but afterward he does make sure to say to him “but dude, cool costume”. Ted Nugent and Marine #1 are sneaking through the forest having the time of their lives when they spot Legolas on the horizon. Deadly Tedly looks over at Marine #1 (the character not the helicopter the president rides in) and says “You take the ridge and all go down in the swamp, we’ll get that buck…. I mean elf”. But at that moment Legolas spots the 2 of them and begins running toward them. Ted and the marine (the common not John Cena) both start shooting at Legolas but he is simply to fast and ducks out of the way. Legolas then quickly scampers up a tree and fires off 2 arrows into their chests before Ted and the marine (hell at this point lets just call him Buck) can get their guns off. The Insecticons are mowing through the jungle having killed about 15 ewoks so far when all of the sudden an extremely inebriated Ewok #5 falls out of the tree and dies. This may sound unimportant but that particular ewok was supposed to cut the branch that would put the Popeil/Brown plan into effect. Oh well they will just have to wait for The Insecticons to make their next pass, so they do. This time Ewok #26 climbs the tree and then cuts the desired branch which sets a plan in motion that makes the end of Return of the Jedi not look even the least bit unbelievable, because this time not only do the ewoks crush huge machines with nothing but logs and rocks this time they do it with 1.21 GIGO watts. When Ewok #26 cuts the branch it drops a rock down onto another branch that flings an egg onto the head of Ewok #8 that causes a bird to land on his head and start eating it which then Ewok #3 hits off of Ewok #8’s head with a stick into a cardboard box which throws off the weight distribution on the pulley which was holding up the log which knocks into the windmill which generates enough of a spark to fire up the plutonic powered fire propelled log launcher TM (by Ronco: patent pending). Once turned on this device fires two (count em, not just one, two) huge logs right through the metal chests of both Bombshell and Shrapnell. In the meantime 4 more ewoks have fallen out of trees (those branches are slippery in this humidity) and the other remaining ewoks managed to destroy Kickback the old-fashioned Endor way. Dobby and Greedo, led by Howard the Duck have taken a position behind a fallen tree on the other side of The Untouchables camp. Howard gives the signal and Dobby starts blasting magical bolts at Megatron with Greedo backing him up with his blaster. Megatron turns into his gun form and then falls on the ground because there was no Decepticons left to catch him. A pissed off and embarrassed Megatron then transforms back and just blasts the 3 of them with his arm mounted cannon. Deadpool shoots a frightened Lauren Michaels in the head while he yells “this is for letting Piscopo leave the show”. The ewoks under orders from Popeil and Brown begin to put together a new device when Sinestro flies down and rips both Doc Brown and The Ronco founder in half with a beam of green energy. With their leaders gone the ewoks scatter which prompts Deadpool and Legolas to have an Ewok shooting contest. Final Score: Deadpool 6 Legolas 11.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!
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