UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XII: THE FIERY FIRMAMENT

            “I am exhausted,” claims Charles Xavier.  “I can no longer maintain the functionality of the entire ship with only you and I.”

            “What does that mean?” asks Vampire Jean Grey.

            “It means that the next phase of our plan must commence immediately,” says Professor X.  “Jean, make your way to the hangar bay before I implement the self destruct sequence and collision course setting with the Technodrome.”

            “Don’t spout your male bravado at me Charles,” scoffs Grey.  “The Captain doesn’t have to go down with the ship.  Not on my watch, that is.”

            After a few minutes of knob pulling and button pushing, a metallic voice sounds overhead.

            “Self destruct sequence initiated.  T-Minus ten minutes. . .”

***

            BL Thanos stares at the U.S.S. Enterprise in his view screen.  He notices that the starship is on a collision course with his Technodrome.

            “Evasive action!” shouts BL Thanos.

            The Enterprise smashes into the Technodrome. 

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” screams BL Thanos aboard the devastated Horsemen ship.

Before the two vessels explode in a fiery apocalypse, a small shuttle shoots from the hangar bay of the Enterprise.  The pair of Professor X and Vampire Jean Grey looks at the destruction caused by the crash and smile.   

***

Outside of the annihilation, Ursa and Rayner fight a violent battle against one another.  Parallax-Rayner lashes out at Ursa with a heavy curtain of yellow constructs.  Ursa is repeatedly assaulted, but manages to successfully land a few of her own strokes on Rayner.  Rayner eventually gains an upper hand on the Phantom Zone villain.  He manages to wound Ursa, who cringes at the sight of actually being harmed by her foe.  As Rayner attempts to deal a death blow to Ursa, the skirmish is joined by Eradicator.  Eradicator’s computer enhanced analytical capabilities focus on the weak points of the Rayner-Parallax hybrid.  Eradicator manipulates the “fear” energy surrounding the Rayner-Parallax combination.  The Kryptonian being then converts and releases a refocused, albeit opposite energy form which engulfs Rayner-Parallax.  The being is imbibed with opposing energies, which, in turn, rips him apart.  An explosion of white light occurs, destroying both the entity and its host. 

“Thanks,” a weakened Ursa says to Eradicator.

Eradicator acknowledges the appreciation and flies onward.  As Ursa is about to join her teammate, she is confronted by both Scar and Krona.  The combined psionic abilities of the pair are too much for a diminished Ursa.  The former Guardians release a barrage of blasts which holds the Kryptonian in place, while destroying her at the same time.  Ursa cannot escape her fate.  Her last sight is that of the Doomsday trio approaching to assist her.  They are too late as Ursa dies at the hands of the Oans.   

Immediately after the death of Ursa, Doomslayer, Steel Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday unleash an animalistic fury upon both Scar and Krona.  A battered Krona still manages to blast a psionic pulse that surges through Superboy Doomsday.  Superboy Doomsday attempts to clear his head and is unable to do so before Krona uses his enhanced telekinetic ability to focus his own fist to smash through Superboy Doomsday’s face.  Superboy Doomsday crumples and falls.  In response to their brethren’s death, Steel Doomsday and Doomslayer combine their brute strength and powers to decimate Krona. 

While focused on Krona, the Doomsday duo fails to notice Scar fly away from the fracas and toward Flamebird.  The two women discuss a strategy to destroy the Doomsdays.  After a hurried conversation, the women soar toward the Doomsdays.   Eradicator blockades the duo and immediately kills Scar.  Flamebird ricochets from the area and strikes Steel Doomsday.  After a pitched fight, Flamebird manages to destroy the incarnation of the alien beast, using all of her Kryptonian abilities.  As she begins to fly away, she is met by both Doomslayer and Eradicator.   Flamebird’s screams shatter the clouds as she is ravaged by the duo.

As Flamebird’s body plummets, Eradicator and Doomslayer fly together and meet the shuttle carrying both Professor X and Vampire Jean Grey.  The four glide away and fail to notice the ground below.  Beneath the rubble of the Technodrome a gauntlet reaches toward the sky.

         

 

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XI: THE SUPERIOR SKIES

             The U.S.S. Enterprise and Technodrome face one another, hovering in the skies above the Playoff Planet.  Aboard the Federation vessel, Charles Xavier sits in the Captain’s chair and looks to Superboy Doomsday.  Superboy Doomsday nods his head and presses a button on an access panel.  As the shaft opens, Superboy Doomsday grabs a piece of slow Kryptonite.

            “Are you sure Jessica?” asks Xavier.

            “My current powers are spectacular, but with the slow Kryptonite. . . I’ll be superior,” says Spider Woman.

            “As you wish,” states Xavier as he acknowledges the transformation which is about to transpire.

            Spider Woman holds the slow Kryptonite in her right hand and the Kryptonian powers are imbibed within Jessica Drew’s essence.  A newly enhanced Spider Woman joins her comrades, Ursa, Superboy Doomsday, Doomslayer and Steel Doomsday.  

            “We’re missing one,” growls Doomslayer.

            “Not anymore, we’re not,” says Xavier as Eradicator enters the bridge in silence.  Nova smiles at the sight of his team on the bridge.

            “Simply unstoppable,” the Nova Corpsman states.

            The spectacle of sheer power is broken as the Enterprise is barraged with the weaponry of the Technodrome’s missiles and lasers.

            “Evasive action!” demands Xavier.

            Drew quickly resumes her position at the console and her hands move across the board.  In response to her actions, the starship avoids a majority of the fearsome blasts. 

            “Launch torpedoes,” instructs Xavier.

            Vampire Jean Grey smiles as she presses the relevant buttons. 

            The torpedoes weave toward the Technodrome, rock the vessel and shatter two of its laser cannons. 

***

          
            “Phase two,” orders BL Thanos, “advance!”

            A door slides open on the Technodrome and the spirited Horsemen soar from the opening.

***

            “Anticipated,” states Xavier matter-of-factly.  “Commence positions!”

            The super beings, once in front of Professor X, race through the chamber’s doors and out of the vessel.

            “I have both posts Charles,” says Grey.

            “I know you do, Jean,” responds Xavier.

***

            Hovering above both of their respective ships, the foes smile at one another, in anticipation of an epic battle.  Eradicator, Spider Woman, Ursa, Doomslayer, Steel Doomsday, Superboy Doomsday and Nova float above the U.S.S. Enterprise while Flamebird, Krona, Superman, Scar and Kyle Rayner-Parallax hover above the Technodrome. 

            Nova instantly reacts to the sight of his enemy and flies toward Flamebird.  Flamebird smirks as she recognizes Nova as an opponent that is beneath her skills.  Nova circles Flamebird.  She laughs and reaches him in the blink of an eye. Taken off guard at Flamebird’s speed, Nova is slugged by his enemy.  Nova hurtles across the sky and finally manages to slow himself down.  He turns around and, using the remaining portion of the absorbed power of Flamebird’s punch, releases a gravimetric pulse beam at her.  Flamebird screams at the blast’s impact.  She turns around and is met by Spider Woman. 

            “I can get used to this,” Drew states about her new Kryptonian powers.  She punches Flamebird. 

            Flamebird skids across the clouds.  She recovers and glides at the Highness duo.  She focuses on Nova, who awaits her return to battle.  While Nova also focuses on Flamebird, in anticipation of another scrap, Krona flies directly behind the corpsman and unleashes his full power on him.  Nova is knocked unconscious due to the intensity of the blast and begins to fall.  Spider Woman races toward her teammate and catches him.  For Nova’s safety, she begins to carry him back to the Enterprise when she is met by Scar.  Scar lashes out at Spider Woman.  Spider Woman, stunned, drops Nova, who is ripped apart by an incoming Krona. 

            “Nova. . .” mutters a battered Spider Woman.   

 

           Drew turns around and discharges a venom blast at Scar, who is shot across the sky because of the concussive force of the eruption.  Drew then flies at Scar, anticipating a death blow being dealt by herself to the Oan.  Unfortunately, Drew does not reach Scar because she is intercepted by Krona.  Krona catches her by the hair and with his immense strength, rips her head from her body.  The headless Spider Woman follows Nova’s body to the ground below. 

“New powers. . .” says Krona, “same death.”

***

     
“A decisive blow has been dealt,” says BL Thanos to no one in particular in the Technodrome’s main cabin.

***

            “The best is yet to come,” says Xavier from the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

***

            Across the sky, Superman flies at Doomslayer.  The two begin an intense battle of not only superior strength, but of sheer will.  While the two warriors fight one another, Eradicator flies to the skirmish and uses his retained mind influence over the Kryptonian.

            “You are a lost soul Kal-El,” says Eradicator. “You are a being that has been sacrificed before in this league; a soul who has given his life. . .  and who shall do so again.”

            The Man of Steel attempts to break free from Eradicator’s persuasion.  As his mind begins to numb at the thoughts spawned in his head, Steel Doomsday flies behind Superman and presses a piece of red Kryptonite to his chest.  Superman attempts to shake off the effects of the rock, but is unable to do so.  He agonizes as he transforms into an ant headed humanoid. 

            Eradicator hears Professor X in his mind.

            “Well done, my friend,” states Professor X in Eradicator’s technological brain.  “Allow the Dooms to complete the task. . .”

The three Doomsday incarnations, in unison, converge on Superman, and the being also known as Clark Kent, is ravaged by the devastating blows of Steel Doomsday, Superboy Doomsday and Doomslayer. 

            “Once again, son of Krypton,” laughs Steel Doomsday, “your life is ours for the taking.”

***

            Black Lantern Thanos looks at his view screen as the tattered body of a dead Superman falls.  The Mad Titan, never shaken, has a stirring of dread through his body.  

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER X: DOOMSDAY DESTRUCTION

            The angry blare of the klaxons fills the entire bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise.  Beneath the red din of the warning lights sits Professor X in the Captain’s chair.  The telepath looks through the viewport of the ship and sees the immense Technodrome.

            “Jessica. . .  full ahead!” instructs Professor X.

            Jessica Drew responds by pressing the buttons and spinning the knobs on the panel in front of her. 

            “Jean,” starts Xavier.

            “Already on it Charles, arming torpedoes one through four,” says a vampiric Jean Grey.

            “Fire one through four,” states Professor X in a calm demeanor.

            The rockets launch from the hub of the starship and race toward the semi-spherical tank. 

***

            “Brace for impact!” says Black Lantern Thanos aboard the targeted machine.

            The Technodrome, newly retrofitted with anti-gravity boosters, is struck by all four torpedoes.  The Horsemen within are vessel are knocked and thrown around. 

            BL Thanos looks at the view screen and sees one of the Technodrome’s transport modules fall from the mother ship.  

  
            “Who is in that transport module?” questions BL Thanos.

            “No viable life signs,” responds Vulcan at a computer board.

            “A waste,” BL Thanos mutters to himself. “Launch the other modules immediately now that they are properly fitted with their weaponry and see if we can do some true damage to our enemy.”

***

            A pair of modules screams from the Technodrome.  The first transport carries Vulcan, while the other hauls Madelyne Pryor.   The two Horsemen focus on the warp engine nacelles of the Enterprise.  In the first transport, Madelyne Pryor points Lord Voldemort’s magic wand at the port nacelle. 

            “Bombarda Maxima!” shouts Pryor. 

            A wave of light pours from Pryor’s wand and a portion of the port nacelle explodes.  The starship begins to slowly spin due to the port side’s inability to maintain a necessary balance between itself and the starboard side of the ship. 

***

            “Nova,” exclaims Xavier, “you may commence action now.”

            “Will do, Charles,” answers Nova as he runs from the bridge toward a hatch in the starship that will allow him to enter the fray outside. 

***

            Pryor lifts her wand again at the Federation vessel and uses a smashing spell to strike the starboard nacelle this time.  On the opposite side of the ship, Vulcan unleashes a psionic energy construct at the port nacelle.  The Enterprise is battered from both sides. 

***

            “Where is Nova?” exclaims Professor X.

            “I don’t think we need Nova,” says Vampire Jean Grey.  “Look!”

***

            Erupting from the scattered clouds are Ursa, Doomslayer, Steel Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday.  Ursa and Doomslayer attack the transport carrying Pryor while Steel Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday focus on the one ridden by Vulcan.    Instantly, the twin duos strike the ships and decimate both.

            “Aresto momentum,” shouts Pryor who uses both the spell and a telekinetically enhanced protective shield to soften the blow of any debris expelled by the destroyed ship and slow her fall.

            Vulcan easily flies away from his fragmented ship and unleashes an energy blast upon Superboy Doomsday.  The Doomsday incarnation shrugs off the blow and notices Steel Doomsday soaring at their mutual enemy.  Vulcan is about to project a force field to protect himself from the duo, but is not in time.  Both Superboy Doomsday and Steel Doomsday smack into Vulcan at the same time, crushing the mutant’s body between the pair.  Vulcan’s broken body falls from the sky and to the ground. 

            Pryor floats downward from the scene and manages to duck a blow from Ursa.  Pryor begins to mouth “Avada,” but is unable to speak the word “Kedavra” before her throat is crushed from behind by Doomslayer.  Pryor’s dead body joins Vulcan as she drops to the ground below. 

            As Nova is about to enter into the fracas, he notices the surviving Doomslayer, Ursa, Steel Doomsday and Superboy Doomsday.  The five look toward the Technodrome, acknowledge one another in the sky and then fly back to the Enterprise.  The victorious combatants manage to steady the vessel and then enter the starship in order to speak to Xavier and plan their next move. 

            BL Thanos, on the Technodrome, plans the same. 

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER IX: A WATERY WEAPON

            The water casts its glassy reflection as the sun beats down on the waves below.  The aqueous area emits a serenity that is not often seen in any league match.  Suddenly, the calm subsides as three steel poles break the fluid’s surface.  Churning froth follows as a large iron behemoth fractures the stratum.  An immense submarine lifts from the water toward the crystallized beach.  Magneto’s clone, Joseph, stands alone on the sands and grins.

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: PROLOGUE III

             The debris of lost ships falls from the sky, resembling shooting stars.  I recall the losses to both sides; the Kryptonian and Oa deities; the mutant behemoths. Combatants’ lives lost all in the name of a victory to which they will neither see, nor enjoy.  I shake my head at my cynic reflection of the match’s events and the irony which has brought me to this moment.  I continue to walk along a tattered road, ever closer to my locker room.

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER VIII: TURMOIL IN THE TIMBERLAND

            “Scan the area,” states the gruff voice behind the viewport.  “This is where we lost communication with Houslander.”

            “Will do,” responds the doughy, bespectacled man behind the controls of the AT-ST.  The driver looks to the figure who stares through the windshield of the vehicle.  The man’s black gear is emblazoned with a white skull.  The Punisher focuses on the site and nods his head at his friend, Microchip.

            “There,” points Microchip to an AT-ST approximately five hundred yards to their left.  “The AT-ST is stationary. . . The scanner indicates that there are no viable life signatures within the vehicle.”

            The mechanized sounds of the large, two footed vehicle shatters the noise of the forest’s inhabitants as it wades through the terrain. 

            “That’s it alright,” says the Punisher.  The vigilante contemplates the issues associated with their current situation. 

            “I’m going to check it out.  You stay in the vehicle.”

            “No problem boss,” responds Microchip.

            The Punisher leaves the AT-ST, guns drawn, and slowly treads toward Houslander’s AT-ST.   He pulls out a grappling hook from his gear strewn belt and throws it, able to secure the metal onto a latch.  The Punisher climbs the rope and shimmies through the broken window.  He instantly notices Houslander’s gruesome body sitting with a hole in her chest.  Curiously, her hand appears to be in rigor, yet in a position that looks as if it is reaching for a middle panel.  The Punisher manages to open the panel and pulls out a green lightsaber.  Although Houslander was unable to use her weapon in her fight, the Punisher will definitely utilize the weapon should he face any foes.

            The Punisher clips the lightsaber to his belt and begins to climb down the rope.  Suddenly, metal, knife-like projectiles slice into him.  The shiny missiles also manage to shred the rope.  The Punisher falls to the ground, but enters into a perfect barrel roll, armed with the lightsaber.  A slightly wounded Punisher uses his inherent skills to deflect the feathers rocketing toward him from Archangel’s wings.  While Archangel is focused on the Punisher, Microchip presses the trigger of the AT-ST.  The blasts hit the initial X-Factor member, throwing him across the forest.  If not for his enhanced metallic wings, the burst of the AT-ST’s cannons would have killed him.  Microchip continues to barrage Archangel, who manages to avoid a majority of the bursts.  While Archangel shuns the weapons of the Empire’s all terrain vehicle, the Batwing soars into the fray and Red Hood begins to fire at the mutant too. 

            The bombardment of both vehicles is too much for Archangel.  Red Hood’s Batwing shoots a harpoon through Archangel’s left leg.  The X-man screams in agony.  The gun’s line begins to coil, bringing Archangel within the vehicle’s weaponry.  In a fit of self-preservation, Archangel uses his wings to cut into his leg and dislodge the harpoon.  Worthington screams again.   While Archangel focused on freeing himself from his predicament, the Punisher empties a high caliber gun into the mutant’s shoulder region.  Archangel falls to the ground, nearly unconscious due to the loss of blood from his leg and shoulder. 

            Only a short time passes as Worthington is aroused to a semi-conscious state.   He looks up to see the lightsabers of both Red Hood and Punisher.  Archangel slowly rises to his knees, pondering an escape from his current position.  He is not afforded the opportunity.  Although enhanced metal, Red Hood uses his blue lightsaber to sever off the right wing of Archangel while Punisher severs off the mutant’s left wing.  Archangel’s head falls between his knees.  The Highness duo, in unison, lops off the head of Archangel with their lightsabers.  The two then look up at Microchip.

             “You know what to do,” says the Punisher into his communication link with the AT-ST.

            A full barrage of lasers crisps the body of Archangel.  As the Punisher and Red Hood begin to walk back to their respective vehicles, the Quinjet flies to the scene, driven by White Suit Anakin Skywalker.  Skywalker jumps from the Avenger’s vehicle and does two flips in the air, landing perfectly on top of the AT-ST.  Skywalker wastes no time in using his lightsaber to cut a hole in the top of the vehicle.  The Jedi then jumps down to the main cabin.  Skywalker slowly paces toward Microchip.  In an instant, a lightsaber pierces Microchip’s heart. 

            “Nooooo!!!!!” scream the Punisher. 

            Skywalker takes control of the vehicle and sends a fusillade of lasers at the duo.  The two jump into the foliage for cover and in return, Skywalker decides to fight his enemy face-to-face.  The Jedi methodically climbs up the ladder and springs from the vehicle to the ground.  The Punisher leaps from the bushes and fires his guns at his foe.  Skywalker easily deflects the bullets.

            The  Punisher unholsters his lightsaber while Red Hood steps from behind a shrub with his lightsaber ignited.  Skywalker paces toward the pair.

            “I may have white armor,” begins Skywalker, “but. . .”

            Skywalker force leaps next to Red Hood and begins to pummel Todd’s attempted defenses. 

             “. . . I. . .”

  
            Skywalker slices Red Hood in two. 

            “. . . am still. . .”

            Skywalker spins around and lops off the head of the Punisher who is immediately next to the Jedi.

            “SKYWALKER!!!”

            The white suited figure looks at the two men, their lightsabers on the ground next to them.  Knowing that he will not have the need to use more than his own, Skywalker walks over the weapons toward the Quinjet.

UNIVERSE BOWL: CHAPTER VII: ANARCHY AT ARKHAM

            The passing clouds swallow the sun in the plains area of the Playoff Planet.  A short time transpires as the overcast sky becomes a raging gambit of thunder and lightning.  The clown prince shambles through the muddy ground.  Approximately one hundred yards in front of him, the Joker notices a dilapidated barn surrounded by a wooden fence.  He presses against the fence and scans the building.  As a flash of lightning ignites the sky, the Joker now recognizes the structure for what it truly is.  The building morphs into an exact scale replica of Gotham’s famous Arkham Asylum.  The Joker shakes his head in confusion, yet laughs nonetheless.  The jester pushes through the wrought iron gate of Arkham and trots to the lone building, his M202A1 Flash rocket launcher in tow.  Lightning crashes in the sky and the shadow of a twisted clown is spawned from the glare.  The front door creaks as the Joker enters into the building. 

            This truly is Arkham, he says to himself.  What a treat for me! My home turf!

           The Joker slowly paces across the floor.  The deviate cocks his head.  He hears the flapping of wings.  The Joker readies himself for a fight. 

            “Come out.  Come out,” cackles the Joker, “wherever you are!”

            The Vulture swoops down and hits the Joker from behind.  Although the Joker strikes the ground at the impact of the blow, he manages to hold onto his weapon.  The Joker slowly rises from the ground.

            “I heard,” grunts the Joker, “that vulture tastes like chicken!”

            The Joker presses the weapon’s ignition and the rocket screams from the launcher, barely missing the Vulture.

            “Missed me you cackling imbecile!” replies the Vulture.

            “Merely a distraction,” states the Joker in a matter of fact manner as he fires the second rocket into the ceiling above the Vulture. 

            The Vulture is unable to avoid the shockwave of the blast since it throws him to the ground.  While attempting to gain his senses, the area of the ceiling where the rocket struck collapses onto the flying villain.  The Vulture is trapped under the rubble, but he manages to gain ground in his escape.

            “May be overkill,” says the Joker,  “but what the H#ll?”

            The Joker fires another rocket which storms into the rubble, obliterating the Vulture and the area around him.   A green piece of suit, feather and flesh land on the Joker, who wipes the debris from his lapel and, with his finger, puts the detritus under his nose. 

            “Not sure about the taste,” laughs the Joker, “but sure smells like chicken.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

            The Joker begins to walk away from the Vulture’s remains when he notices that the wreckage begins to shudder.  He turns around and aims his weapon at the area.  A layer of sand shimmies from the location toward the Joker.  The sand rises and sculpts itself into the Sandman.  Sandman’s fist solidifies and smacks the Joker across the floor.

            The Joker is slow to rise.  He sees the Sandman walking toward him.  The Joker manages to reach his weapon.

            “Time to fly - pun intended for your dead friend there,” laughs the Joker as he runs down the hall. 

            A pumpkin bomb brushes across Joker’s suit and explodes to his left.  The Joker is rattled, but he manages to turn around long enough to fire a rocket at his pursuer.  The Hobgoblin’s glider easily manages to avoid the projectile and its rider continues his pursuit of the enemy. 

            A symphony of pandemonium erupts as both pumpkin bombs and rockets are launched from the Hobgoblin’s hands and glider at the Joker.  The walls around the duo are decimated and water engulfs the area as something is struck by the projectiles.  

            The Joker lies on the slick ground without his rocket launcher.  As Hobgoblin is about to kill the maniac, his glider is hit from behind by a blue fist.  The Hobgoblin careens out of control and the glider throws its master off.  Kit Fisto, with his blue lantern ring, floats to the skirmish. 

            “You may have bungled the mind of my associate,” says Fisto, “but a Jedi does not succumb to such mind tricks.”

            Electro arcs from behind the Jedi and places both hands around the skull of Fisto.

            “Don’t need mind tricks,” says Electro, “but I’m going to fry your brain anyway.”

            The full amplitude of Electro’s ability rip through Fisto and a bright light of the Horsemen is suddenly and unexpectedly extinguished.  The Joker’s jaw drops in shocked anguish.   The Joker’s twisted mind realizes, that in this league, no matter how powerful of a character one may be, anything can happen. . . and no one is safe.

            The Joker laughs at this terrifying thought.  He then notices four metallic legs curl around the corner. Doctor Octopus stands in front of the Joker.
 

            “I am impressed that an adulterated imbecile such as yourself lasted as long as you did.  What is even more impressive is the fact that your Jedi was of no use to you.  Laughable. . . as are you.   

            The arms of Doctor Octopus surround the Joker.  The Joker’s laughs commence and are soon extinguished as he is ripped apart by the robotic arms. 

            Hobgoblin, Electro, Sandman and Doctor Octopus join Mysterio.  Arkham Asylum slowly dissipates into the shambling barn to which the Joker’s vision truly was. 

            “Never ceases to amaze me. . . ” begins Mysterio, “the human brain.  I have to admit that I am surprised that my toxin I placed on the gate was able to work on a twisted mind such as the Joker, but it has worked before and I’m sure it will work again.  Didn’t even need it for the Jedi; no wonder why Order 66 was so successful. ”

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER VI: BEDLAM OF THE BEARS

 

            A 1989 Chevy Cavalier zooms down the asphalt drive of a long highway through the mountainous region of the Playoff Planet.  The Pimpmobile’s radio blares a song while the three inhabitants of the vehicle sing in perfect synchronicity with the lyrics.

 

. . . I like that boom boom pow,

Them chickens jackin' my style;

They try copy my swagger,

I'm on that next sh#t now.

I'm so 2008,

You so 2000 and late;

I got that boom, boom, boom,

That future boom, boom, boom;

Let me get it now. . .

            The trio in the car are brightly colored bears, each more raucous than the other.  The light blue, star emblazoned Wish Bear looks up to his two other teammates from where its paws rotate between pressing the gas pedal.

            “I knew we needed to jack this pimp b#%chen rod from those undead Artrip f#$ks. What do black lanterns need with a ride anyway?!?”

            The orange colored, flowery chested Friend Bear, behind the wheel, looks down at Wish Bear, while the blue mooned Bedtime Bear sits next to Friend in heightened silence.

            “Damn straight,” responds Friend, “the only thing those motherf#$kers need is a ring around that finger!  They don’t need no car!”

            Navigational maestro Bedtime Bear smiles and although the radio still echoes the lyrics of “Boom Boom Pow,” Bedtime  begins to mime Beyonce from her famous video about a ring on a finger.

            The motor vehicle races down the slope and Bedtime points to his left as the three then notice a Ferrari 308 burning rubber beside them.  Through the window of the sports car, the bears notice NFG Mike.  The two vehicles keep pace with one another, each jockeying to gain an upper hand in order to use its momentum and, at the right time, thrust the other over the road’s barrier and down the ridge. 

            The overly matched Pimpmobile is struck repeatedly by NFG’s Ferrari in an attempt to rattle the once huggable stuffed toys.  The Pimpmobile strikes the guardrail and sparks fly from the vehicle’s exterior.  Wish Bear, in “Days of Thunder” skill, continually shifts its paws back and forth from the brake to the gas pedal, while Friend Bear steers. 

            Bedtime Bear looks over to NFG Mike, whose window is now open.  The bear smiles as it reaches down beneath the seat.   It scampers over to the window and with crisp precision throws a bottle of liquid over at NFG’s vehicle. 

            Friend Bear shouts, “Great job Bedtime!  Now light that next bottle and crisp that f@$ker!!!  Great idea about a molotov cocktail!!!”

            Bedtime Bear looks over at Friend Bear.

            “That wasn’t alcohol,” whispers Bedtime for the first time in the match.  “That was my piss!”

            Both Friend and Wish look over at Bedtime and laugh.  Meanwhile, NFG Mike gags at the bear’s bodily fluids spewed over the vehicle’s interior and due to the intense smell vomits upon himself.

            NFG wipes the frothy spittle around his mouth and at the top of his lungs, screams to his furry combatants, “You little f@$ks!  I’m going to carve you up like a Thanksgiving turkey!!!”

            With these words, NFG ignites his lightsaber to show that he will make good upon his threat.  Unfortunately for NFG, the stretch of road does not warrant a lit blade and the bears take advantage of NFG’s unsheathed weapon.

            “Now motherf@cker!!!,” screams Friend.  “Hit it Wish!!!”

            In response to Friend Bear’s directions, Wish Bear hits the gas and Friend jerks the wheel, allowing the Pimpmobile to strike the 308 in violent fashion.  The lightsaber, still ignited in NFG’s hand, accidentally pierces the shifter and lops off the steering wheel, barely missing NFG’s wrists.  In response to the damage caused by the blade, the 308 careens out of control and flips over as a piercing shriek is heard from NFG.  The car finally halts against the mountainside, luckily skirting the other side of the road and catapulting over the mountain. 

            The Pimpmobile slowly comes to a stop.  Each of the Care Bears saunters out of the vehicle to the flipped Ferrari’s location.

            “Well.  Well.  Well,” grins Wish Bear.  “What do we have here?”

            A broken NFG Mike crawls from the vehicle, only able to use his muscular arms, with pieces of glass interspersed throughout his skin.  He does not have his lightsaber.  He is unable to use his legs.  Yet, he is still ready to fight these depraved beasts to his dying breath.

            Friend Bear looks in the car and notices NFG’s lightsaber still within.  The bear races around to the other side of the vehicle as NFG Mike is unable to thwart the bear’s attempt in reaching its goal.  Friend pulls the weapon out and ignites the lightsaber.

            “Ooooh. . .  Green,” says Friend Bear to his companions, swishing the blade back and forth.

            NFG Mike lies on the ground, defeated, realizing that he cannot move his legs and due to the pressure on his spinal cord, now his arms.  Nonetheless, he refuses to die in a pathetic manner and looks fiercely insolent. 

            Bedtime Bear speaks, once again, on rare occasion as it looks to the others in its trio, “Let’s make a Columbian Necktie!”

            Friend Bear says, “Sounds good to me!”

  
           Wish Bear responds, “I’m in!”

            NFG Mike shouts in defiance, “Do it!  Do it you little F@#ks!!!”

            Bedtime Bear, “Oh, don’t you worry my friend.  We will. . .”

            Screams are heard, followed by gurgling as Friend Bear, with the assistance of his brethren, slashes a vertical incision through NFG’s neck and then pulls out the man’s tongue; a Columbian necktie.  The three bears giggle as NFG dies, choking in his own blood.

            “Oh that was so much fun,” claps Bedtime Bear. “Let’s get back in our ride and see who else we can f@$k with!”

            “Sounds good to me!” excitedly replies Friend Bear.

            “Back on the road. . . b#$ches!,” exclaims Wish Bear.

            The three shimmy back into the Pimpmobile and ride to their next friendly adventure.

  

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER V: DESOLATION IN THE DESERT

 

            A solitary figure stands on top of a crested dune and stares at the sky above. Paul Atreides has long been haunted by his visions of the future.  The man’s past has displayed that his gifted foresight has inevitably proven true to life in most instances.  Hauntingly, Atreides recalls that his vivid dreams often become painful nightmares. 

            Atreides places his thumper and waits for Shai Halud to enter as his steed.  While he calmly shifts his weight on the sand beneath him, a feeling in his gut tells him that this day may not be one for The Makers.  Atreides shakes his present fugue state off and latches onto his Maker Hooks to pull himself onto the back of the enormous sandworm as it bursts forth from beneath the granules to greet its master.  Once Atreides mounts the worm, he directs the beast toward the action which will transpire before them.  He moves the worm in the direction of two beings of such immense size that they both far exceed the largest thinking machines ever created, or banned within the boundaries of his own Imperium.  A few hundred feet away, a sixth sense speaks to Apollo to assist his teammate. Apollo rushes to the aid of Atreides in what is sure to be a showdown of monstrous proportions. 

            Two immense mechanical cities sit idle next to each other in the center of the desert.  Suddenly, the whirring and grinding of mechanical sections is heard as the two metropolises begin to stir.  While the cities begin to change, two combatants careen out of the purple-colored city.  Tommy Oliver, flying with his Legion flight ring and Vampire Achilles exit speedily while the area from which they began slowly transforms into a massive T-Rex constructed of Cybertronian metal.  In an almost instinctual response, the white city to its east morphs into a massive robot.  The two arch-enemies never thought that they would be gifted with the unique opportunity to do battle against one another on such a grand stage.  Although they would like nothing more than to fight one-on-one in a showcase of vocational skill, they are both aware that they will be interrupted by the interactions of several other powerful combatants whom they share the spotlight at this location.  Tripticon and Metroplex violently crash into one another, causing intense vibrations which scar the entire area. 

            The deafening blow to his eardrums is more than enough cause for Tommy Oliver, also known as the Green Ranger, to pull out his dagger and use it like a flute for the purpose of summoning the Mighty Dragonzord.  Metroplex is forced to break off his existing battle and instead readies himself to face an incoming Dragonzord.  Meanwhile, Atreides barely is able to dismount from his sandworm as the monster rushes toward Tripticon.  The Transformers’ fight will have to be continued at a later time.

            While the monstrosities ready themselves for their respective skirmishes, the humanoid combatants prepare to face one another themselves.  Tommy Oliver pulls out his Green Ranger weapon and former lightsaber of Jedi Master Plo Koon and combines the two to create an energy blast which targets Apollo as he approaches the Saban-spun hero from the air.  Atreides unsheathes his blade, ready to confront Vampire Achilles as the former and current Horseman races toward him. 

            Sandworm #8 crashes into Tripticon and knocks the immense Decepticon down onto the dunes.  Tripticon is able to utilize the momentum of the worm and uses its T-Rex arms to throw the Maker off him.  Tripticon then brings down a massive foot onto the monster, crushing the center of it into the sand.  Tripticon takes advantage of the worm’s wounds and unleashes a massive wave of energy from his inner-mouth mounted cannon.  The burst strikes the bearer of the will of Shai-Halud with a thousand times the heat of the sun of Arrakis and kills it instantly.

            Meanwhile, the Dragonzord hits Metroplex with two skyscraper leveling punches to knock him backward.  Metroplex responds by throwing some “wicked” metal punches of his own.  The two behemoths trade blows until the Dragonzord takes a step back from the fracas and begins charging his primary finisher weapon.  As the Zord conjures the proper power, Metroplex rushes in and fights through the initial energy burst.  The enormous Autobot sends a flattened ridge hand directly into the metal beast’s chest.  Circuitry and sparks fly out of the exposed cavity as Metroplex places his massive foot on the damaged chest of the Zord and grabs a hold of its head.  Metroplex then pulls with all of his might until the head is no longer attached to the body of the Dragonzord. 

            Tripticon notices that Metroplex is himself no longer in his encounter and begins to stomp his way to begin, once again, and subsequently finish, the fight.  While en route, Tripticon lends a hand to his teammate, Oliver, by sending a charge of energy toward Apollo.  Apollo is knocked backward from the detonation and weakened, which allows Oliver time to focus his Morphin energy at Apollo and conjure his own energy lashing.  The emanation knocks a scorched Apollo to the ground, which Oliver immediately uses to his own advantage.  The ranger wastes no time and drives both his mystical dagger and blue lightsaber into Apollo’s chest to finish him. 

            Tommy Oliver reminisces about his current circumstances as he lifts from the air with his Legion flight ring.  He knows that he has been a valued member of the Horsemen since day one of the League’s creation.  Seeing the demise of Apollo reminds Oliver of his first ever start in Season 1, Week 1.  Superman (now his teammate, but then a member of TEAM—a/k/a Team Ed) spared him that day after a stalemate skirmish with Seraph, but he has never quite lived down the stigma of being the only Horsemen to ever retreat from a match.  Now faced with what will undoubtedly be his last venture, the Green Ranger flies off to find his next fight.

            The ground shakes as Metroplex and Tripticon resume their battle, but it does not bother two hardened warriors such as Atreides and Achilles.  Achilles’ smirk and pomposity continue to shine upon his face, but he cannot help but think about how he has never faced a man like Atreides who moves with such speed and grace.  A master of numerous fighting methods and skills, Atreides is also secretly impressed by the prowess of his enemy.  Atreides parries the attacks of Achilles and allows the sword of the Greek to glance off of his personal Holtzman Shield when it is swung too quickly.  Nonetheless, Atreides senses that it will take more than a stab wound from the tooth of a Maker in the form of his crysknife to kill this undead soldier.  Atreides hollers out a scream to enact the weirding way taught to him by his Bene Gesserit mother to shatter the shield of Achilles with his voice.  Atreides then spins into the air and grabs a chunk of wood from the shield before it hits the ground and drives it into the heart of Achilles.  He then sends it further in by issuing a thrust from the butt end of his crysknife to finish off the vampire. 

            Atreides turns to his right and sees that he is not going to get even a second’s rest from fighting.  Tommy Oliver approaches his enemy slowly in the air, while still acknowledging the other FFL Year One Draftee.  Both men recognize that each was drafted by the very team they fight for now in The Season 1 draft.  Both men have remained through the many administrative changes occurring on their own teams.  Both men came to this fight prepared to die and both realize that after the skirmish that is about to take place, one will.  Oliver lands upon the ground and sheathes his lightsaber while Atreides deactivates his Holtzman Shield.  The two pull out their daggers in unison to dual in the truest form of combat.  Oliver nods, while Atreides issues the ancient Fremen adage reserved for only the most worthy of opponents, “May your blade shatter and crack.” 

            With the respective pleasantries completed, the two clash in a pitched battle, while they pay no heed to the enormous altercation taking place between two city-sized Transformers less than a few hundred yards away.  Atreides’ crysknife glances off of Tommy’s chest-shield several times, while the Green Ranger manages to get close enough to slice two of the catch pocket tubes in Maud Dib’s stillsuit.  The two   catch each other’s hands in a grappling position, but Atreides breaks the silence of their battle as he begins to overpower the Ranger. 

            “It would have been an honor to have your water amongst my sietch”, says Atreides as he releases the grapple and ducks down low, thrusting upward with his Fremen weapon and forcing it under Oliver’s helmet and into his head. 

            The damaged Transformers begin to show structural weariness due to the fact that they have pounded one another for such a lengthy period of time.  Tripticon attempts to gain an advantage over his current nemesis and, once again, unleashes a blast from his mouth cannon.  Metroplex’s agility is mystifying for such a giant as he is able to dodge the discharge by dropping to one knee.  The massive Autobot spins on its knee and delivers an uppercut to Tripticon.  The Horseman is dizzied by the blow, which allows Metroplex the opportunity to lift Tripticon up over his head and bring him down into an earthquake causing back breaker which extinguishes his arch-enemy’s spark once and for all.           

            Atreides looks to Metroplex and a smile creases across his face. 

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: PROLOGUE II

             As I stumble further into the city, I look to my left and see the remains of a skirmish between combatants. A Ferrari lies motionless against a building with the remains of a driver behind the wheel.   I also notice an expanse of robotic limbs and pieces strewn across the area. 

            I walk to a nearby wooden bench which has miraculously withstood the skirmishes that transpired in this zone.  I sit back, exhausted, and look to the sky above.  I search for the blazing emblem and lost participant’s likeness which have intermittently lighted the heavens throughout the match.  I was informed in my locker room that the current Watcher was inspired by an author of teenage dystopian novels and would be adding this dimension to the match.   Thus, when a participant passes away during the Universe Bowl, his or her guise is mirrored in the sky above for all to either amuse, or bemoan. 

            Now that I am the last survivor of this Universe Bowl and have seen all other likenesses in the sky, I only await the ship which will take me back to my team’s locker room.  A locker room where Mysterio will stand alone. . . but triumphant.