The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Team Ed

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Darkseid (designated leader), Achilles, Sinestro, She-Hulk, The Witch King, Parasite, Spider Woman, Super Girl, Deathstroke, Dr. Strange, Shazam, Chemo, Cable, Scarlet Witch, Mara Jade, Starscream, Sunstorm, Ramjet, Plo Koon, Six Shot, Tommy Oliver: The Green Ranger, Tripticon, Charleton Heston, Polaris, Josh Houslander, Larry Reamer, The Stunticons, Grimlock, Slag, Snarl, Circuit Breaker, Sabertooth, Gideon, Jamie Madrox, Taskmaster, Elixir, Sebastian Shaw, & Wonder Man.

Team Ed is Superman (designated leader), Neo, Trinity, Seraph, King Kong, Godzilla, Fortress Maximus, Swoop, The Combaticons, Blitzwing, Skywarp, Dirge, Iron Hide, Ultra Magnus, Shockwave, Jazz, Astrotrain, Hot Rod, He-Man & Battle Cat, Bomber Man, Bowser: King of Koopa, Gannon, The Shining Force, Samus, Luke Skywalker, Griffin Poteracki, Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Saruman the White, Jengo Fett, Original Titan Cymek #1 & 2, Lady Jessica, Valkyrie #1 & 2, The Evil Paul Atreides Ghola, Bashar Miles Teg Ghola, Sith Lord #6 & 7, & Toad.

Head Coach Vandal Savage made a last minute change when he switched the designated leader to Darkseid. He originally had Achilles in the spot but when Achilles shared his game plan which consisted of "everybody run behind me and try not to trip over the dead bodies"; Coach Savage decided against him. Darkseid was in protest of the plan that Vandal Savage laid out because he wanted revenge on Superman for week 1 but Savage reminded him that that did not work out very well and that they needed his talents elsewhere. As the match begins Superman does exactly what his head coach The Oracle instructed him to do. In order to avoid the tragedy that they very narrowly diverted in their first battle Superman instantly flies up at speeds much faster than a speeding bullet and punches Scarlet Witch in the head. This instantly kills her and takes her out of the equation. Superman than grabs Snarl by the tail and swings him around in a circle. He slams the Stegosaurus robot down onto the icey ground causing a brief earthquake and turns the Dinobot into nothing more than a collection of nuts and bolts. Darkseid yells to his team "enough of this". He looks over at Supergirl who already knows from the locker room briefing that she is supposed to lead what they have been calling the SKS (Superman kill sqaud). Supergirl is followed by Dr. Strange and Shazam as she takes to the air in an attempt to take out her cousin. Neo begins to do his Superman thing to go and help out Superman but his leg is restrained by a powerful rope of yellow energy. Sinestro then pulls Neo down onto the ground right inbetween him and Darkseid. Darkseid yells to his troops to "protect the secret weapons" as The Stunticons, Grimlock & Slag all gather around Polaris and Circuit Breaker. Polaris lets loose her powers of magnetism like she has never done before as she picks up Fortress Maximus and throws him into the air. As she releases the huge Autobot city allowing it to begin falling to the ground she then takes control of Blitzwing, Hot Rod, Ultra Magnus, Jazz, Iron Hide, & Swoop. She basically uses them as huge bullets as she hurdles them toward Fortress Maximus while he is still in mid-air. All of the Transformers come crashing down through the ice in a huge mangled ball of crushed metal. Skywarp and Dirge attempt to fly in at supersonic speeds but with a flick of her wrist Polaris makes the 2 jets collide and destroy each other on impact. The ghola of the great Bene Gessertit Bashar realizes that something has got to be done quick to stop Polaris before she takes out the whole team. Polaris begins to move Astrotrain with her powers but Miles Teg runs right inbetween the Transformers that are standing guard over Polaris. He moves so fast that the metal eyes of her guardians do not even see him approaching. Miles Teg just touches Polaris but at the speed his body is moving at, it has the affect of her being hit by a train. He knocks Polaris aside and breaks every bone in her body. The exhausted Miles Teg falls over from the over exertion that he has just put his body through, but he knows how much he helped out his team as Grimlock steps on him. Astrotrain, who is being flanked by the smaller Blast Off fly up to where Circuit Breaker is still being protected by Grimlock, Slag, and The Stunticons. Circuit Breaker begins to run up to Astrotrain but as she does The rest of The Combaticons jump out of Astrotrain and the entire Shining Force jumps out of Blast Off. Circuit Breaker is successful in deactivating Astrotrain but she is then killed by Luigie, the Shining Force's Samurai. The Combaticons merge to form Bruticus and The Stunticons merge to form Menacer and the two of them begin pounding on each other heavily. The leader of the Shining Force Max, orders his mages and magic creatures to cast Blaze level 4, Bolt level 4, and 2 different versions of Freeze level 4 these attack spells rip apart the 2 Dinobots Grimlock and Slag. King Kong and Godzilla come stomping onto the scene right next to one another. It is at this time that Tommy decides to pull out his Green knife/flute and call in the help of the mighty Dragonzord. Neo gets up off the ground to find that he is surrounded by Darkseid, Sinestro, & Parasite, but Trinity and Seraph rush in to help him out. Parasite grabs a hold of Trinity and begins to extract her power but Seraph kicks him out of the way and gets her away from him in time. Neo then says "fine, you want some power" and jumps inside the chest of Parasite. Parasite at first thinks that he likes what is happening to him but the power of the one completely overloads the power hungry Parasite causing him to explode and Neo to pop out unharmed. Darkseid then blasts the slightly weakened Trinity with his Omega Beams and burns her alive. Seraph and Neo then run at Darkseid and begin attacking. The bullets that they shoot at him do virtually nothing to hurt him, but they are at first to fast for Darkseid to hit them. Darkseid then gets a hold of Seraph by his neck and squeezes. He crushes Seraph's neck in his hand. Neo then focuses his anger and his strength to swing his open hand in a karate chop motion at Darkseid's neck. With his bear hand he goes right through the rock hard skin of Darkseid and cuts his head right off. Sinestro was not quick enough to save his designated leader but he does put a stop to the one as he fires so much pure concentrated yellow energy at him that he blows up. This explosion is so powerful that it unwittingly takes out Six Shot who was flying up to try to help the SKS in their very difficult mission. Josh Houslander throws his Glock 10mm and his wooden staff to Jamie Madrox. The multiple man makes 40 multiples of himself with the weapons and they rush into attack (this time the original Jamie Madrox hangs back so he can continue to make multiples and let them do his dirty work). Jet Li & Jackie Chan follow Jengo Fett into battle against the multiples while Griffin Poteracki stands off to the side with a different plan. Since Shockwave joined the team last week and brought along some new technology Griffin has now been outfitted with a little brown lazer on his right arm instead of the Bionic arm he had last week. Griffin begins shooting at the multiples with it hoping that he will get lucky and kill the original Madrox like he did in week 1. Larry & Josh then sneak up the snowy hill behind Griffin and Josh yells "Hey Anonymous, wasn't there somebody you wanted to kick in the nuts". Josh then points his Glock .40 at Griffin and finishes the job Darth Maul started 2 weeks ago. Josh and Larry then slide down the hill and Larry uses his Plumb Hatchet to bust the lazer off of Griffin's arm. Mario's old buddy Toad sees this happening and yells "Hey that's ours, give it back". Larry yells back "if you want this back you are gonna have to beat our team for it" (thus starting what will become the time honored tradition of the "Little Brown Lazer"). Toad and Larry then somehow get on the subject of how delicious mushrooms are before Larry gets pissed off and throws his hatchet at Toad and kills him. Josh and Larry are then cracking up as Josh picks up Toad's ridiculous blood stained hat and puts it on saying "Sorry Larry but the Princess is in another castle". It is at that moment that the 2 Sith Lords who have just recently been given the names Darth Fuzzy and Darth Borat jump down onto the 2 roofers and run their lightsabers through them. Menacer finishes off Bruticus with a right hand/knee combo that busts through his center and sends him crashing down onto his back destroying the unified spark of all the Combaticons. The battered Menacer does not get to enjoy his victory for very long though as the 2 Titans roll in in huge tank like hover craft cymek bodies and blow The Stunticons to pieces. Superman is being greatly affected by the magic of Dr. Strange when Supergirl tries to attack him in his weakened state. Superman is still more than fast enough to dodge Supergirl's attack though so when Dr. Strange's spell is interupted by Supergirl's failed attack Superman takes that split second oppurtunity to fry Strange with his heat vision. Godzilla blasts Chemo with his fire breath accelerating his half life and converting him from nuclear waste to just regular waste, but The Dragon Zord and Tripticon march in to face off against Godzilla and the world's largest side kick King Kong. Godzilla smacks Tripticon in the snout and knocks him to the ground. He then starts breathing fire on him and melting him into liquid metal. The Dragon Zord claws King Kong in the chest and then blasts him with his lazer. This kills the huge ape. The multiples of Jamie Madrox finish off Jet Li and Jackie Chan but Jengo Fett uses his bounty hunting skills to track down the real Madrox. Jamie Madrox drop kicks the bounty hunter and uses his staff to bring him down on the ground but Fett recovers and begins flying backwards with his jet pack while he is firing his twin pistols at Jamie Madrox. He hits the Multiple Man with several shots and kills him; all of his Multiples then disapear. Godzilla then turns to attack the Dragon Zord. He tackles the giant cosmic robot and starts repeatedly punching it in that dumb looking puppet way that Godzilla attacks things. The Dragon Zord is badly banged up when Godzilla finishes him off with his burning breath. The unlikely duo of Mara Jade and Plo Koon move against the 2 Sith Lords. Mara Jade starts shooting at them before her and Koon get there but the Sith dodge the blaster bolts. The Sith jump toward them and before Mara Jade can pull out her lightsaber Darth Fuzzy cuts her in half. Plo Koon stabs Darth Fuzzy through the heart before he even finishes following through with his cut on Mara Jade. Master Koon and Lord Borat start battling with their lightsabers when Plo Koon comes out on top of that battle as well by finishing of the Sith with a head shot. Elixir tries to heal Mara Jade but Shockwave turns into his gun form and blows the mutant away with a huge lazer blast. Shockwave picks up Dr. Strange's dead body in an attempt to rally the troops. He says in his robotic voice "Superman is winning his fight, push forward and destroy what is left of this team". He then transforms back into gun form and blasts Sebastian Shaw before he can make any attack at all. Achilles decides that it is time for him to take control of this fight. He leads as She-Hulk, Cable, and Spider Woman make up his right flank and Deathstroke, The Green Ranger, and Gideon make up his left. The Evil Paul lets Gideon try to take over his powers but much like the other who have tried to see what others cannot see and to be in many places at once Gideon does not have the brain power to handle this especially without being aided by the spice melange. Gideon goes completely brain dead, but Heston along with his trusty M-60 takes his spot. She-Hulk punches Jengo Fett in the head crushing his brain inside his helmet but the 2 Valkyrie jump down from behind and take her out by slicing through her neck's extremely thick skin with their blades. Spider Woman and Deathstoke each take out a Valkyrie by engaging the well trained elite women head on in hand to hand combat. The Lady Jessica gives Spider Women a powerful kick to the stomach and uses the power of voice on Deathstroke to make him pull out his sword and finish the job for her by stabbing Spider Woman. Jessica then uses her voice powers to tell Deathstroke to next kill himself but Deathsroke is actually able to ignore the powerful Bene Gesserit voice by allowing the 90% of his brain that he uses to overide the signal. Deathstroke then chops the head off of the powerful Reverend Mother. Bowser and Gannon move against The Witch King but are no match for his powers. Gannon attempts a spell but is silenced by the pure evil that spills from the leader of the Nazgul. The Witch King stabs Gannon through the heart and then grabs a hold of Bowser's thick neck and strangles him with his mighty gauntlet. Starscream leads Sunstorm and Ramjet against Godzilla. They fly in close blasting him with everything they have got. Ramjet gets a little to close and is batted out of the air by the hands of the monster and Sunstorm gets caught in the jaws of Godzilla as he tried to shoot into his huge opponents mouth. Starscream on the other hand is way to fast to be hit by such attacks. Starscream shoots Godzilla several times in each attack but he finally figures it all out as he comes by for his final pass and puts 2 missles right under the chin of Godzilla. This brings down the huge tenant of Monster Island. Godzilla unfortunetely comes crashing down on the Evil Paul and Taskmaster who were having a very evenly matched and entertaining battle. Achilles rushes in and attacks the Shining Force. He and Tommy Oliver use their superior speed to take out the two Gladiators and they go plowing through all 9 knights even as Arthur attempts to cast Bolt level 2 on them. Sinestro flies down to help and wipes out the rear line of the Shining Force which consisted of all of their Archers and Mages, but Max uses the Chaos Breaker and in a swirl of frost like magic Sinestro is defeated. Mogie attempts to use the Desoul spell on the Witch King but for obvious reasons it does not work. The Witch King slays the magical creature as well as the 4 healers. Wonder Man tries to use his jet pack to go up and help Super Girl and Shazam who are still struggling in their battle against Superman but he is targeted by the Titans and taken out of the air with a ridiculous amount of artillery fire. Starscream also gets hit by the 2 Titans in the wing but before he dies he does something very un-Starscream-like and commits a very selfless act as he directs himself down to the battlefield. As he crashes he takes out what is left of The Shining Force except for Yogurt. Heston runs up to finish off the very weak character of Yogurt but then realizes that it was not Yogurt after all. It was Badhairday wearing the Yogurt ring that they got in last week's fight to disguise himself as Yogurt. Badhairday rips Heston apart with his claws but he meets his match as Sabertooth comes in to play. Sabertooth and the Shining Force's werewolf trade many a harsh scratch with each other but only one of them has a healing factor. This catches up with Badhairday fast as he collapses from a huge amount of lost blood and Sabertooth comes out of the fight just fine. Sabertooth knocks He-Man off of Battle Cat and then rips out Battle Cat's insides with his claws. An infuriated He-Man pulls out his sword and starts to fight with Sabertooth. Sabertooth manages to give He-Man quite a scar with a swipe across his bear chest but He-Man shows that he has the power as he kicks Sabertooth into an iceberg and cuts off his head with The Sword of Grayskull. Cable and Deathstroke join forces to fight Saruman. Saruman blasts Deathstroke with an amazing amount of power from his magical staff but Cable is able to get into the brain of the great wizard and block out his mind for a second while he pulls out his futuristic lazer rifle and blows away the white wizard. The 2 titans see this happen and they blow up Cable by each shooting him with a missle. Achilles has now had enough of the 2 rampaging Cymeks as he decides to take matters into his own hands. He does a somersault on the icey ground in order to pick up 2 fallen weapons from battlefield and then runs up the side of the 1st Titan dodging all of the deadly appendages that the Titan is trying to kill him with. He stabs JayLeno's Devil Lance into the thick clear plaz on top of the Cymek to expose the brain inside it. He then opens up Darth Fuzzy's lightsaber and jams it into the brain of Titan #1 killing it. He then jumps off the side of Titan #1 and sticks the stolen lance through the leg of Titan #1 and into the metallic leg of Titan #2. Titan #2 is now attempting to pull away from the dead Titan to which he is attached but is having trouble. Achilles then backflips up onto the other Titan and climbs up underneath it. He finds a small access panel which he breaks open. While Titan #2 is still trying to detach itself from the other Cymek's dead skeleton Tommy throws Achilles his mystical green dagger which Achilles then shoves into the pink fleshy matter that is Titan #2's brain taking down the 2nd of 2 Original Titans. The unarmed Tommy Oliver kicks Bomber Man into the air back toward his own teammates but Samus shoots her friend Bomber Man before he can land on her and Luke Skywalker who are fighting back to back as less and less people are alive on the battlefield. Samus and Luke attack the unarmed Green Ranger. Luke slices through his chest shield and Samus finishes him off with a blast from her wave ray. Plo Koon jumps up onto Shockwave and with his lightsaber cuts the Decepticon apart. Achilles and The Witch King double team He-Man. He-Man comes within centimeters of Achilles' neck with The Sword of Grayskull but The Witch King gets He-Man under the arm with his cursed sword. It is at this moment when the battlefield is already strewn with bodies that two more dead bodies of once powerful people fall to the ground. What happened in the air went like this. Supergirl and Shazam are flying wildly around Superman attempting to gain the upper hand. Supergirl lands a fairly powerful punch on Superman which sends him into the arms of Shazam. Superman is affected by Shazam's magical powers and is severely weakened as Shazam squeezes the Kryptonian with every bit of energy he can muster. Superman's powers are fading as Supergirl flies at him with all of her remaining strength and speed. She says "sorry cuz" as she uses both of her hands to hit Superman in the face. The Strength of this blow knocks Superman's head back so hard that it crushes Shazam's skull on impact and kills D.C.'s Capt. Marvel. But with this neck breaking punch to the magic weakened last son of Krypton Supergirl accomplishes a Fantasy Fantasy first. Superman dies. As Superman and Shazam's bodies fall to the ground there is still intense battling going on down on the arctic surface. Luke Skywalker runs up toward The Witch King with Samus lending him cover fire. Luke is about to go and stab The Witch King with his lightsaber which would send the evil of Sauron into his arm and consume him, but he hears the voice of his former master and friend Ben Kenobi who tells him to throw the lightsaber instead. Luke throws the lightsaber into the evil Ringwraith and then as the lightsaber falls out of the Nazgul and lays on the ground for a moment Luke uses the force to pick it back up. Samus is shooting lazer beams at Plo Koon but the Jedi Master deflects them all except one that grazes his leg but Master Koon still manages to go in for the kill. He rushes in and cuts off Samus' head. An exhausted Supergirl comes flying to try to help her team but Luke uses the force to jump higher than humanly possible into the air to meet her half way. Luke takes his lightsaber and kills the only person so far who was powerful enough to kill Superman. The force exhausted Luke lands and rushes toward the fallen Plo Koon to finish him off but it is Achilles the Greek warrior prince and son of a god who rushes in to cut the young jedi's lightsaber from his hand and then finish him off with a sword thrust to the chest. In a moment of unadulturated jubilatiion Achilles throws his sword and shield into the air while he gives the Kings of Crunk trademarked "your awesome" finger point to the only other surviver on the battlefield Plo Koon, as he is screaming "I told y'all Motherf@#*s".
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!