NATIONAL LEAGUE QUARTERFINALS: Hannah Montana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Le' Napoleon's Brigade

Hannah Montana and Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion Commandos are Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Qui Gon Jinn, Albus Dumledore, Spiderman, Agamemnon & Juno, Bizarro Superman, Ms. Marvel, Maxima, Gen. Grievous, Huma Dragonbane w/ his Red Dragon, Luminara Unduli & Baress Offee, Hannah Montana, Dora the Explorer w/ Her Backpack & Boots, & Dozer #1.

Le' Napoleon's Brigade is Gandalf the Gray, Wonder Woman & Wonder Girl, Poison Ivy, Posh Spice, Skyfire, Alan Scott, Hecate, Penguin, Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12, Allia Atreides, The Sando Aqua Monster, Emperor Palpatine, Jaws: The Great White Shark, Snow Trooper #46-50, & Strom Trooper #51.

“PALPATINE! You son of a bitch! Come fight me!” exclaims an enraged Albus Dumbledore as he storms out into the middle of the street. Emperor Palpatine obliges Dumbledore’s demands, but comes out swinging. The Emperor fires several bolts of Force lightning at the wizard. Dumbledore, however, says a few choice magic words and blocks the lightning with a blast of his own from his wand. Still angry from how their last meeting took place, Dumbledore unleashes spell after spell at the evil Emperor, but they all have little effect. Palpatine now retaliates by using the Force to throw multiple cars at Dumbledore. The wizard uses some spells to destroy the oncoming cars. Palpatine then, while Dumbledore is distracted with the cars, moves in quickly for the kill. With great speed and agility, the Emperor pulls out his lightsaber and cuts Dumbledore’s wand in half. He then slices up the wizard’s torso, splitting him open. Dave Bowman then appears in front of the Emperor ready to put an end to his destruction. Prior to the match, Head Coach Napoleon Bonaparte ordered Gandalf the Gray to protect Palpatine, regardless of the animosity between the two. Gandalf reluctantly agreed, knowing that Palpatine was a vital part of their team. Gandalf rushes in and starts hitting the Starchild with rays of magic from his staff. The Emperor concentrates all of his power into a massive arc of Force lightning towards Bowman as well. The buildings around them begin to shake and fall apart due to the sheer power that is being exerted by the three combatants. Dozer #1, Storm Trooper #51 and Boots are all crushed by the falling debris. Dave Bowman sees the destruction that he is contributing to and decides to sacrifice himself for the greater good. Then in an instant, Bowman, Gandalf and Emperor Palpatine are erased from this plane of existence, leaving behind nothing but a smoldering crater in the ground. Meanwhile, the battle has spread to the grassland portion of the battlefield. Huma Dragonbane rides low over the nearby body of water upon his Red Dragon, which proves to be disastrous. The Sando Aqua Monster leaps out of the water and chomps down on the neck of the Red Dragon. Huma is thrown from the dragon into the water below. Huma is then dragged underwater to his demise by Jaws. Using his machine gun umbrella, Penguin starts peppering the field with bullets, but doing very little damage. Spider-Man uses his webbing to ensnare Penguin and asks “A machine gun umbrella? You’ve got to be kidding me? And I thought I had lame bad guys!” He then punches the Penguin’s monocle into his brain, killing him. Bizarro Superman then splashes down into the water and immediately goes after Jaws. He swims towards it at extremely high speeds and encases the shark in a block of ice with his freeze vision. The shark sinks to the bottom of the sea. The Sando Aqua Monster then swallows Bizarro whole, but just like when he was accidentally eaten by the Cloverfield Monster, Bizarro punches his way out of the stomach of the giant creature, killing it in the process. Bizarro flies out of the water, only to be knocked into space by an uppercut courtesy of Wonder Woman. She then turns her attention to the rest of the Commandos. Wonder Woman is still infuriated by the criticism she received after her actions in Week Nine against Better Than All of You, goes on a bloody warpath. Dressed in her Amazonian battle gear for such an important fight, she charges into battle, carving a path through the Commandos. She dispatches Dora the Explorer and Backpack in such a gruesome manner, that it’s best not described. Hannah Montana stands her ground, not backing down from Wonder Woman, even though she is sure to die. But before they engage each other, Wonder Girl steps in and wants a piece of the schizophrenic tween. Wonder Woman backs off and takes to the skies, heading for the desert. From the looks of things it would seem that this match-up would turn into one of those annoying high school hallway slap and hair pull fights, but this fight couldn’t be further from that. Hannah kicks Wonder Girl square into the gut and tackles her to the ground. This would be Miley’s only offensive attack. Wonder Girl tosses Hannah off of her back and quickly snaps her neck. Once Wonder Woman arrives in the desert, she sees Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12 and Allia Atreides facing off against Luminara Unduli and Baress Offee. Much to the Jedi’s surprise, but Duncan and Allia are dodging every lightsaber swing and thrust. Then they almost simultaneously pull a spin/roll move around the Jedi, sticking their crysknives up underneath the base of the Jedi’s skulls. Their victory however, is short lived, as Agamemnon and Juno blow them away with their rockets. Wonder Woman is then tackled from behind by Bizarro who has come back down from space. They both crash into the sand below. Bizarro then lands several hard punches to the Amazon Princess. Out of the corner of her eye, Wonder Woman notices the two fallen Jedi’s lightsabers sticking out of the sand. She narrowly escapes Bizarro’s attempt to stomp the life out of her, and grabs the two lightsabers. Diana jumps to her feet and plunges the lightsabers deep into Bizarro’s chest. An exhausted Wonder Woman is then targeted by Agamemnon and Juno. But then in a kamikaze dive bomb, Skyfire swoops in from the heavens and takes out the Cymeks as well as himself. The battle continues to rage on in the grassland, where Poison Ivy has Ms. Marvel and Maxima both tangled up in the grass. Ms. Marvel manages to break one of her hands free and kills Poison Ivy with a vicious energy blast. They both quickly free themselves and take to the air. Spider-Man back flips over Posh Spice and suffocates her with a web mask as he quips, “You know I always liked Ginger Spice the best. There’s just something about those redheads.” Maxima and Ms. Marvel are intercepted by the Sentinel, Alan Scott. He blasts Maxima hard leading her to crash to her death against a huge glacier in the Artic. Ms. Marvel attempts to hit Alan Scott with some energy bolts, but he puts up a green force field. Ms. Marvel is unrelenting though, and keeps the blasts coming. She eventually breaks through the force field and just lights him up with energy blasts, killing the original Green Lantern. Qui Gon Jinn leads Spider-Man, General Grievous, and Ms. Marvel into the Artic part of the battlefield with victory in their sights. All of a sudden, Spider-Man’s “spidey-sense” starts going off, but it’s too late. General Grievous is shot multiple times by what appears to be just a snow bank. As Grievous falls, Qui Gon realizes that there are Snow Troopers camouflaged in the snow. He orders Ms. Marvel to open fire on the snow back in front of them. Once the smoke clears, five Snow Trooper bodies lie in the melting snow. Just then, the frozen earth beneath them begins to quake. Over the horizon rolls Hecate. Using a heat seeker, Hecate locks onto Spider-Man and blows him away. Ms. Marvel then flies through the air evading everything Hecate is firing at her. She lands on her and starts punching through her tank body. She finally rips open a hole in her armor, only to find a self destruct bomb (which was placed inside Hecate prior to battle as a fail-safe), which its timer is on 00:02. In a massive explosion, both Hecate and Ms. Marvel perish. Qui Gon Jinn immediately seizes the opportunity to end this battle and attacks the battered Wonder Woman who has just arrived from the desert. Lucky for her, she has held onto the two lightsabers she acquired earlier. She blocks Qui Gon’s attack, but is extremely worn out and hurt from her battle with Bizarro. Qui Gon knocks the lightsabers out of her hands and swings his lightsaber down at her. But Wonder Woman is able to block the attack with her bracelets. The Jedi moves in to finish her off, but Wonder Girl flies in and lassos Qui Gon’s arm preventing him from killing Wonder Woman. Qui Gon flips his lightsaber to his free hand and severs the golden lasso. He then uses the Force to pull Wonder Girl to him and stabs her in the chest, right in front of the wounded Wonder Woman. This sends Diana over the edge. She leaps to her feet, working off of pure adrenaline, and snaps Qui Gon’s neck, actually turning his head around at 180 degrees.
LE’ NAPOLEON’S BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCES!