Fantasy Fantasy League

I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 5 Match: Team Sleeping Pussy vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

I have transported the teams to alternate ends of a space station that lies within the Milky Way’s expanse.

I look upon the locker room of Team Sleeping Pussy. The Pussy Team is Unus the Untouchable, Dr. Manhattan, Binary, Female Sentinels #1-10, Deathbird, Roy Batty, SHIELD Agents #1-10, War Skrulls #1-5, Mothra, Brainiac, Kilowog, Ultron, Super Skrull, Mimic, Kang the Conqueror, Daryl Revoc, Kahn, Vision, Enchantress, Biff Tannen and Skrulls #23-50. In the locker room:

Skrull # 27: What the f@%k!! We’re battling a bunch of robots! How the hell is our team supposed to adapt to a bunch of frickin’ robots!

Ultron: Watch your mouth 27! Remember, we have robots too. Isn’t that right 6?

Female Sentinel #7: I’m 7. And yes to your question.

In the locker room of Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve, who are Galactus with Nova, Hrmm, Barbarossa, Ajax, Green Lanterns #1-2 and 4-5, Jade, Stargirl and S.T.R.I.P.E., Big Barda, Annihilus, Dr. Doomsday, Captain Atom, Fin Fang Foom, Nitro and Admiral Starship with their laser cats, (Beast Wars) Megatron, Sky Lynx, The Predicons: Razorclaw, Rampage, Tantrum, Divebomb and Headstrong, Scorpononk with Lord Zarak, Cliffjumper, Mindwipe and Vorath, Kup, Junkions #1-10, Droideka #1, Battle Droid #1 and Treasure Troll #5.

Nitro: I can’t wait to use my cat to fry some Skrulls!

Treasure Troll #5: Just watch where you point those things! Don’t want my hair to catch on fire. [Not foreshadowing].

Galactus: Enough with the idle chatter. Let us commence the battle.

I transport the teams to the middle of the space station.

As the opening salvo, Nitro and Admiral Starship, with their laser cats, meet Biff Tannen. Tannen taunts the duo.

Tannen: Get your hands out of those cats’ a@@es or I’m calling the Humane Society! Ha!

The two respond by firing their cats. Tannen is killed.

Roy Batty comes upon the scene and uses his replicant-enhanced abilities to jump over the duo. He then comes from behind and manages to crush the cats. The screeching and crackling distracts Nitro. Daryl Revoc approaches the combatants and uses his scanner powers to kill Nitro, whose head blows up.

Kahn (walks up to Admiral Starship): Admiral.

Starship: Kahn. Kahn. [Raises his hands in the air]. Kahn! KAHN!!!

Kahn (grabs Starship’s face): Goodbye Admiral.

With a quick thrust, Kahn breaks Admiral Starship’s neck.

Across the ship Deathbird flies to Treasure Troll #5. She grabs the troll in one hand and uses her other hand to inflict a horrendous torture upon the little warrior.

Deathbird: How many swipes does it get to finish off a Treasure Troll? One (cuts hair). Two (cuts more hair). Three (cuts head off). Three. [SHOUT OUT TO TOOTSIE ROLL POPS!]

SHIELD Agents #1-10 are in a firefight with Battle Droid #1 and Droideka #1. The SHIELD Agents manage to take out Battle Droid #1. Droideka #1 kills Agents #2-4, 7 and 10. Brainiac manages to utilize his superior brain and actually taps into a force stream field of the space station, which disrupts the Droideka’s shield. The SHIELD Agents then destroy Droideka #1, with Brainiac’s assistance. Barbarossa, Ajax and Hrrm come upon the combatants and rampage through the humans. The cymeks and brute kill the remaining SHIELD Agents #1, 5, 6 and 8-9. Binary and Ultron fly upon the scene with the Female Sentinels. Although Barbarossa, Hrrm and Ajax manage to destroy, through brute strength alone, Female Sentinels #1 and 7, the remaining Pussy warriors. destroy all three Kennelz. Thus, Barbarossa, Hrrm and Ajax fall in battle.

Roy Batty slowly walks down one of the ship’s hallways. He is met by Jade. Jade and Batty are evenly matched in the art of fighting. Nonetheless, Batty’s replicant strength manages to wear Jade down. Batty eventually overpowers Jade and kills her. Big Barda, avenges her teammate and with her mega-rod, crushes Batty’s skull.

There is a pitched battle taking place throughout the ship’s corridors as Kilowog and the Green Lanterns are fighting one another. Kilowog manages to take out Green Lanterns #1 and 2. Notwithstanding, as he does so, he is struck by Deathbird. Offguard, Green Lanterns #4 and #5 manage to strike Kilowog at the same time. Seeing Kilowog go down, War Skrulls #1-5 attack the Lanterns at the same time. Their enhanced abilities and powers quickly dispatch the remaining Green Lanterns, # 4 and 5.

Stargirl and S.T.R.I.P.E. fight Ultron. The powers of Ultron are repeatedly crushing S.T.R.I.P.E. Nonetheless, before S.T.R.I.P.E. is utterly destroyed, he manages to use the suit to destroy both himself and Ultron in the ultimate sacrificial move. Enchantress looks upon what is happening before her. She sees Big Barda flying upon the scene and uses Barda against her own teammate, Stargirl. Big Barda tussels with Stargirl. Unfortunately, Stargirl, taken by surprise that her own teammate is fighting her, is at a disadvantage and soon is killed by Barda. Enchantress releases Barda from her powers. Barda seems her teammate, killed by her own hand and crouches over her.

Barda: What have I done?

Super Skrull (comes behind Barda): You have met your superior.

Super Skrull uses his powers to destroy the protective armor of Barda and kill her. Barda is left a crushed and burnt husk.

Revoc and Kahn stealthily walk down a hallway. They open a door and are met by Scorponok and Zarak. The Transformer uses both arms, grabs the two, and rips them apart. Both Revoc’s and Kahn’s corpses hit the floor.

War Skrulls #1-5 all become Captain Atom. One Captain Atom cannot defeat five. Although Captain Atom manages to kill War Skrulls #3-5. War Skrulls #1-2 use his own abilities against him and are victorious in defeating their original template. Annihilus and Nova come upon the scene and use their combined powers to destroy the remaining War Skrulls #1 and #2.

Binary focuses on Nova. The Herald of Galactus is in a pitched battle with Binary. Mimic takes on the Super Skrull’s powers and assists Binary in her attack. The combined energy projections of Binary and Mimic’s Super Skrull powers eventually wear Nova down. Nova succumbs to the repeated assaults and dies. Galactus, infuriated that his disciple is killed, swiftly dispatches both Mimic and Binary.

The battle of the titans is taking place near the humungous generator room of the ship. Fin Fang Foom is battling Mothra. Mothra is using its powers to inflict some damage on Foom. Nonetheless, Foom’s acid mist breath is too much for the alien moth monster. Mothra is eventually killed. Female Sentinels #2-6 and #8-10 fly to the scene and overpower Fin Fang Foom. Their combined rays and weapons destroy the beast, Fin Fang Foom. Kup comes upon the scene and attempts to fight the female robot warriors. Although Kup destroys Sentinel #1, the remaining robots kill Kup. The Kennelz Transformer warriors: (Beast Wars) Megatron, Sky Lynx, The Predicons: Razorclaw, Rampage, Tantrum, Divebomb and Headstrong, Scorpononk with Lord Zarak, Cliffjumper, Mindwipe and Vorath (in bat form), and the Junkions #1-10, decide to come together. The Transformer robots manage to defeat the remaining Female Sentinels. They then focus on Skrulls #23-50. Although the Skrulls manage to destroy the Junkions #3-8, they are soon overpowered and killed. All Skrulls die. The Transformers focus their battle to Unus the Untouchable, but are unable to breach his force field. As the Transfomers are focused on Unus, Vision and Brainiac manage to take out Mindwipe and Vorath.

Dr. Doomsday and Annihilus approach Kang and Deathbird. They both fall to the amalgamated character and alternate zone villain without Dr. Doomsday and Annihilus so much as raising a sweat. Enchantress rushes at Dr. Doomsday and kisses him. She thus, takes hold of the good Dr.’s mind. Dr. Doomsday uses his enhanced strength (and energy projections) to destroy Annihilus, Lord Zarak and Cliffjumper.

Enchantress, Vision and Brainiac approach Dr. Doomsday. They will use Doomsday against his own team. Little do they recognize that Doomsday’s enhanced healing factors shrugs off the Enchantress’ power over him. Thus, the fog is lifted and Dr. Doomsday comes to his senses. He immediately strangles the Enchantress and kills Brainiac.

Super Skrull and Unus come together and place a force field around themselves and Vision. Dr. Doomsday attempts to breach the protective shell. Dr. Manhattan sees Doomsday and in super-sized form, with mere will, destroys Doomsday. The Junkions #1-10 and Sky Lynx follow Doomsday to their graves through Manhattan’s powers.

The “power cosmic” blows the Pussy’s force fields away as Super Skrull, Unus and Vision are blown to bits by Galactus. Dr. Manhattan and Galactus are in a pitched battle, but Manhattan unfortunately does not rise to the powers of Galactus. Thus, Manhattan is eventually defeated, the last Pussy to go down.


Pussies: All dead.

Kennelz: Galactus, (Beast Wars) Megatron, The Predicons: Razorclaw, Rampage, Tantrum, Divebomb and Headstrong, Scorponok survive.


MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURVE IS VICTORIOUS!!!