Match of the Week: The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM

Caution: What you are about to begin reading is over 13 pages long.

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Hanibal Lectur, Vandal Savage, Darkseid, Supergirl, Superboy Prime, Sinestro, Amon Sur, Chemo, Monarch, The Joker, Harley Quinn, Parasite, Deathstroke, Swamp Thing, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master & R6-o3 in an X-Wing, Plo Koon, Pinhead, Cloud Stryfe on the Batcycle, Vincent Valentine on a 4-Wheeler, Hades, Medusa, Dementor #11-16, Achilles, The Witch King of Angmar on his Fell Beast, The Balrog of Moria, Lion-O, Tommy Oliver, The Silverhawks, Lucius Malfoy, Beatrix Lastrange, Jason Voorhies, Polaris, Havoc, Cable, Madelyne Pryor, Phoenix, Emma Frost, Juggernaut, Archangel, Sabertooth, Jamie Madrox, Elixir, Gideon, Serci, Taskmaster, Exitar the Exterminator, The One Above All, The Sentry, Daken, Venom II, Iron Patriot, Starscream, Sunstorm, Ramjet, Six Shot, Tripticon, The Stunticons, Slag, Sludge, Snarl, Springer, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Prowl, Circuit Breaker, Roadbuster, Josh Houslander in a Ferrari 360 Modena, Larry Reamer, & Chris & Julie Artrip in a Tank.

TEAM is Superman, Streaks, Comet, Unicron, Thor, Thunderstrike, Ragnarok, Galvatron, Cronos, Treebeard, Depa Billaba w/ Jedi Padawan #16, Yareal Poof, He-Man, Battle Cat, Underdog, The Shining Force, Original Titan #1 & 2, Neo Cymek #1-18, Gannon, Bowser: King of Koopa, Set, Godzilla, Zilla, Voltron, Luke Skywalker & Gen Maximus Decimus Meridius in an AT-ST, Bloodwind, Krang, Willow, Sepiroth, Kefka, Blaster w/ Rewind, Eject, Steeljaw, Ramhorn, Raindance, & Grandslam, Iron Hide, (movie) Iron Hide, Ultra Magnus, Hot Rod, Fortress Maximus, Swoop, Warpath, The Combaticons, Blitz Wing, Astro Train, Leader 1, Dirge, Skywarp, Thrust, Nightmare, Baby Wolverine, Hector, Nyobi on a 4-Wheeler, Griffin Poteracki, Ryan Poteracki, & John Wayne in a Tank, Bruce Lee, Mr. Myagi, Mitsurgi, Seraph, Lord Katsumoto, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Jake Rockwell, & John Thunder


When asked about the weight of this rivalry match Horsemen Head Coach Hanibal Lectur denied the opportunity to comment but former Interim Head Coach, resident of the team’s namesake, and unofficial team leader Darkseid had plenty to say: “I am actually done with his rivalry” began Darkseid. “I have little or no use for it anymore other than to prove our superiority and move on. TEAM’s time is done. They got lucky with their drafting in Season 1 and managed to win it all, but I assure you their time at the helm of this league has come and gone. The reign of The Horsemen has already begun and we have no use for team rivalries with lesser beings. If this rivalry is anything worth noting at all, than it is perhaps the mark; of when are march to the championship officially begins”. In a similar show of confidence, after comment was declined by Superman, Thor had this to say: “this team managed to win the championship last year without me, and now with myself and 2 more TEAMmembers capable of wielding Asgardian power gifted from my father joining them, I see not believing that we are the best TEAM in the league as a simple impossibility. I look forward to an easy victory here and elsewhere”. After these comments Thor was asked how he was getting along with his TEAMmate and last year’s Play-off MVP Superman to which he responded: “Oh Superman, we get along great, I look forward to him being given sidekick status by the league to myself and my Thor Corps brethren, we here at TEAM just like the other teams need lesser, helper characters so the stars can get the job done easier, and I believe that Superman fills that role nicely”. As Unicron slowly approaches the planet, the amazing bulk of metal recalls being told of his own destruction last time he faced this team and also realizes that despite the fact that he has already begun the process of breaking thru the atmosphere so he can do battle down below that chances are The Horsemen will have someone capable of traveling into space come up to fight him before he gets the chance. This suits Unicron just fine because he has learned the hard way in this league that despite his incalculable powers he is not immortal, so if he is to face someone of equal powers he would just assume do it in space where he is most comfortable. With that thought Unicron stops his descent onto the planet and waits with a patience that only a transformable planet can possess for an opponent of equal power to challenge him. Back on the battlefield, it is evident to me as a watcher than I am witnessing possibly the only teams in this league, that’s ranks seem untouched by the immensely large scale of this week’s festivities. As if it is a normal week with normal teams, both of these competitors amazingly enough still have great characters sitting on their bench that many teams throughout the FFL would play in a heartbeat in a week half the size of this one. But not these two: There depth is at such a level that there ranks are simply unhindered by a match such as this one. As the stand-off ends and the battle begins, one needs no prior experience in witnessing epic matches to sense the pumping adrenaline and down right hatred felt between these teams. The battle for the little brown laser is more than a rivalry match, more than just another stat in the win column or a potential divisional victory it is the reason for these team’s existence, and despite what comments may be heard from either side this rivalry is alive and well in the hearts and minds of both these teams. The Horsemen wait patiently for their orders when Head Coach Hanibal Lectur simply looks back to his men and states with uncharacteristic zeal “Well, …….GO”! On a battlefield that provides no cover the two teams truly have no other choice but to simply attack one another head on and throw caution to the wind. To The One Above All there are no hard or easy questions, not are there difficult or obvious conclusions. Yet for the rest of us, it could be said that it is obvious what member of TEAM the 2 Celestials will feel the need to approach first. Anxious to do what it was he was created for, Exitar flicks Warpath in the forehead on his way up to the cosmos which instantly kills the Autobot, but even the Celestial Hit man himself knows that his battle with Unicron will be much more difficult. The rest of TEAM’s Autobots prepare for battle, with Fortress Maximus forming into his massive robot form and Blaster ejecting Rewind, Eject, Steeljaw, Ramhorn, Raindance, & Grandslam. They are joined by the Combaticons who waste no time in merging to form Bruticus. Blue Grass begins flying in toward the massing battalion of Transformers in Miraj, but strangely enough The 4 Silverhawks, whom are usually ejected from the ship are already outside of it flanking the ships approach, as if to protect the ship that by design does not do much more than protect them before they are ready to do battle. The Transformers take a step back, knowing that if the Horsemen are the Horsemen (and they are) that Coach Lectur has some sort of trick up his straight-jacketed sleeves. Although the trick is not so much a trick as it is simply The Horsemen way. The Horsemen motto is that every member has his/her place, so it is simply proper that The Silverhawks would be forced to give up their coveted seats in Miraj and be delegated to the job of protecting the more important people inside. From the inside of Maraj, lying on her stomach in a semi-protected and semi-comfortable position, Polaris concentrates with all of her will power. From inside the approaching ship she uses her mind and her mutant ability to pick up Bruticus and launch him as if The Gestalt was her personal projectile into the stomach of Fortress Maximus. Once the 2 gigantic Transformers are pounded together she contorts the 2 of them into a giant (but not that giant considering how big they were) cube of lifeless metal. Ultra Magnus is nothing short of astounded at this amazing show of power which is why he orders all of The Transformers to immediately begin firing all of their weaponry at Miraj. The ship begins to take heavy damage which is why Bluegrass ejects the 4 people he was protecting from inside giving them an annoying and long-winded Southern send-off when he could have just as easily said something along the lines of “Be careful” or “Take evasive action”. Before Miraj with Bluegrass inside is destroyed, he safely ejects Polaris, Circuit Breaker, Phoenix, and Tommy Oliver. Phoenix quickly sees that Polaris is so exhausted that she cannot use her powers to control their friends safely down to the battlefield below so she uses her telepathy to bring the Green Ranger down safe and to send Circuit Breaker head first into the Transformers just as they were ordered by Darkseid and Lectur. Circuit Breaker lands on Ultra Magnus and instantly disrupts his systems but before she can do any more damage Blitzwing and Astrotrain open fire on the Autobot and the digital parasite to make sure that she can in no way inflict that same fate on them. Polaris is trying to regroup in mid-air but without the comfort of Miraj she is having difficulty. The 2 Iron Hides, who are scared to death of the X-Men’s potential concentrate all of their fire power on her and target her out of the air before she can do any more damage. Although the plan was not for the inhabitant of Miraj to be ejected for quite a while, the damage they inflicted was quite severe, so The Horsemen continue with the plan as best they can. Phoenix flies off to fight elsewhere, while The Silverhawks continue their attack on The Transformers below. Tommy Oliver, already in his Green Power Ranger Suit pulls out his cell phone to call up the guys that made Willem Defoe’s costume in Spider Man so he can sue them….. No I’m just kidding, he actually pulls out his emerald encrusted dagger/flute and summons the Dragon Zord. As the Silverhawks continue their descent onto the battlefield The Horsemen’s Dinobots & Autobots roll in to lend a hand while TEAM’s Cymeks show up to do the same for there TEAMmates. A huge battle of clashing steel ensues while in the meantime Vincent Valentine and Nyobi seem to be frolicking about on their 4-Wheelers in a playful manner. It looks like that anyway as they both zip around one another but actually they are doing there best to try and kill each other. Nyobi cannot seem to hit the Ex-Turk with her Glock but Vince is having just as much difficulty hitting Nyobi with Cerberus. Valentine crashes his 4 Wheeler into the side of Nyobis which sends them both flying off of them and onto the ground. Nyobi kicks Cerberus out of Valentine’s hand and then blasts him with her pistol but it does not have as much of an effect on him as she had thought it would. She is not able to take out Valentine until she hits him with another series of kicks to send him to the ground which she follows up by unloading and entire clip of bullets into his mouth. Kefka stands behind Sepiroth with a blast of magic at the ready while Cloud Stryfe comes rolling up fast on The Bat cycle. Sepiroth jumps to the side to avoid the attack but before Kefka can attack Stryfe, Cloud pulls out his sword and slices up Kefka. When Stryfe turns back around to make another run at Sepiroth, but Sepiroth pulls out Masamune and with the 7 foot long blade is able to defeat Cloud from off the top of Batman’s motorcycle, and fatally wound him in the process. While Griffin drives TEAM’s tank Ryan is pestering the hell out of John Wayne for an autograph. “Come on our Dad would be thrilled, if you could just hook us up we would really appreciate it”. “Well alright pardner, just cause I’ve fought alongside your brother before, and he has done a lot for this TEAM. Not that it isn’t nice to meet you to, I think it’s real great and all that you 2 and your other brother all get to be on a team together”. John Wayne says, but he is cut short as Griffin yells “Alright ladies, that’s enough we got company”. A confused Griffin sees Harley Quinn standing in front of the tank waving a white flag. The battle hardened Griffin Poteracki does not flinch for a second at this ploy and orders his brother Ryan to use the Tank’s guns to blow her away. “You killed my pet”! The joker screams as he plants the explosive on the side of the tank that he had already climbed onto the side of. John Wayne pops out of the top of the tank and takes a shot at the clown prince of crime but the Joker gets away. John, Ryan, & Griffin act quickly as they actually all escape from the Tank before the Joker’s bomb blows it up. The 3 of them get away from the tank but they are disheveled and bruised as they stumble out searching for the Joker and awaiting his next calculated attack. While Treebeard and Swamp Thing duke it out in a battle that would bring tears of joy to the eyes of Al Gore, Cronos who like the Joker is making his first FFL appearance despite being drafted in Season 1 takes Chemo up to Mt. Olympus and eats him in a feast that takes place over a thousand years; this feast, which is fit for only The King of the gods destroys Cronos as well but it is a fit of self-indulgence that he is happy to undertake. Despite the lengthy amount of time that this takes up this feast does not interfere with the timing of the match because this happened 1 million years before The Fantasy Fantasy League was created????? The Dragon Zord makes its appearance while the 5 Lions form Voltron to do battle with one another in a vain attempt to unify multi-generational anime dorks from around the globe. The 2 massive metal creations combat one another with their similarly awkward looking fighting styles. The Dragon Zord attempts to blast Voltron with its mighty flying Z, but Voltron backs off and then comes back in with his massive sword to cut The Dragon Zord down the middle and finish him off. Voltron stands by for a second victorious over his opponent when the 5 pilots of the mighty Voltron are all of the sudden taken back by the sheer magnitude of the situation. The five of them cannot express the depression that they feel because, like all muggles they cannot see the Dementors that are sucking away their souls. As the Dementors accomplish this goal the lifeless Voltron simply falls to the ground, barely scathed but at this point, completely useless. Mr. Myagi tries to attack Medusa but is turned to stone. Set is drawn to the power of Medusa and her serpent hair and is unaffected by her Gorgon powers as he inhales her with a single gulp taking in not only her body but her powers as well. Josh pulls up to Nyobi, rolls down the window and says “What’s up girl, how you feelin. You want to take a ride in my Ferrari”? Josh then amazingly enough actually seems surprised when she ignores him despite the fact that he tried this same line earlier on the members of his own team: Polaris, Madelyne Pryor, Phoenix, Emma Frost, Supergirl, & Serci and it resulted in the exact same amount of failure. While Josh isn’t looking Ryan jumps into the passenger seat and Josh drives off. The 2 of them then begin talking about comic books, Star Wars, some obscure 80’s cartoons, their truly “epic” days on the roof together, some of their failed projects (I admit it, they weren’t all as immensely successful as Fantasy Fantasy), classic VGC moments, what the best Blue Eyed Soul song was, who would win in a fight between Capt. Power and the kid from “My Secret Identity” and most importantly, how much cooler they are than everybody else when it comes to their attention that they are on opposing teams and that they are supposed to be fighting each other. Josh then puts his finger over the shifter and says “dude, I don’t want to do it, so don’t make me hit your ejection seat”. Ryan then jumps out of the seat which prompts Josh to say to himself “Hah, Ryan totally thinks that Ferrari’s have ejection seats but then Josh crashes the Ferrari the Balrog of Moria’s leg Shia lebuef style which sends him thru the windshield and to his death. The Silverhawks manage to take out Swoop but Hot Rod and The Iron Hides take them and their weapon birds out. Once The Dementors are done with the souls of The Voltron geeks they begin searching for other prey, but Gannon uses his magic to make them visible to all. Once accomplished Bowser and Bloodwind are able to take out 2 each while Gannon uses his superior magic to do the same. Griffin attempts to regroup John Wayne and the dizzied Ryan but they are no match for Achilles as he comes plowing thru them in a blaze of swordsmanship. Luke Skywalker (the young one) drives the AT-ST while Gen. Maximus surveys the land from inside. If you could find a problem with both TEAM and The Horsemen is that they both have great generals, but neither of them have any soldiers. So even though Gen. Maximus is in a great position of power in his AT-ST with a perfect guy to drive it for him, I am not sure who he thinks he is going to be giving orders to. From inside The AT-ST Luke begins to target Jamie Madrox clones as if they were wamprats, but the clones just seem to keep on coming. Juggernaut then runs right thru the 2 legs of the walker and knocks it over. Luke pops the hatch and with a little help from the force gets Maximus out just in time for the 2 of them to leap to safety. Steeljaw and Ramhorn hit the sides of Julie and Chris’s tank to slow it down while Rewind and Eject bust up the gun on top, which prompts both Julie and Chris to pop out wielding a Beretta and a Smith and Wesson revolver. The 2 of them begin firing on the Transformers around them but they find that they just don’t have the fie power to compete with Blaster and Slamdance. Larry Reamer tries to shoot the little brown laser at Jet Li and Jackie Chan but Jet Li blocks it with the side of his Walther PPK (he can do that). Larry then attacks the duo but his Sea Bee skills are not quite enough to tangle with Chan & Li’s B.A. kung Fu moves as the 2 fighters dispatch him rather quickly. The 3 Myrmidons: Deathstroke, Sabertooth, and Taskmaster square off Yareal Poof, Depa Billaba, and her Padawan. Taskmaster is able to immediately mimic the Jedi skills and techniques of his opponents, but with no lightsaber to execute them with, he still loses to the 4 armed Yareal Poof. Sabertooth kills the Quermian Jedi Master and then guts Depa Billaba’s padawan Suzie which pisses her off enough to make her rip him apart with her lightsaber. Depa Billaba and Deathstroke then engage each other in an incredible swordfight but it is Deathstroke who comes out on top when he ends the battle with a quick sword sweep to the neck of Depa Billaba’s. The Witch King on his Fell Beast flies in low to do battle with He-Man and his rippling muscles on top of Battle Cat. He-Man blocks a couple of The Witch King’s hit with his shield, but the sheer evil that is within the Lead Ringwratih deteriorates the shield to nothing while The Witch King’s physical strength knock the pride of Eternia off of Battle Cat. He-Man is then backing up on the ground with his sword in hand, almost convinced that the Witch King’s comments about not being able to be killed by a man are possibly true when Battle Cat jumps on top of The Witch King and tears out his jugular. The Witch King lets out a shriek as he dies but Battle Cat reverts back into Cringer and keels over himself from the infection. He-Man than jumps into the air and sticks the Sword of Grayskull into the neck of The Fell Beast to kill the scourge of Mordor. Beatrix Lastrange and Lucius Malfoy target Nightmare with their wands to destroy him but Galvatron transforms into his cannon form and easily blows away the two wizards. Parasite grabs a hold of Underdog and sucks out his life force but when Parasite uses those powers to fly in and attack Set is Set who does the stealing of powers when he consumes Parasite as if he were a quick snack. Hanibal Lectur and Vandal Savage are visibly enjoying the carnage that is this battle when Zilla stomps them both to death. The Iron patriot was one of several members of The Horsemen to volunteer for the job but was the only one chosen (along with his Dark Avengers) to take out Superman. Norman Osborne, in his new Iron Patriot suit leads Venom, Daken, and The Sentry against Superman and his pets, while Darkseid, Supergirl, Superboy, Sinestro, & Amon Sur will move against Set. Treebeard finally manages to crush the smaller Swamp Thing back into the ground that he came from but Treebeard’s exhausted victory is short-lived as Monarch then blasts the bark out Treebeard. Hades was truly hoping to get a chance to square off against his father Cronos, but instead the god of the Underworld is leading Plo Koon & Pinhead against The Shining Force. Slag, Sludge, & Snarl are able to take out both of the Iron Hides, as well as Slamdance, but once the Cymeks joined the party they were not as successful. The 3 Dinobots manage to take out Neo-Cymeks #1, 3, 6, 12, 13, & 16 but with the help of the 2 Original Titans the Neo-Cymek’s took down not only the 3 Dinobots, but Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, & Prowl as well. The Stunticons form Menacer and make short work of Hot Rod by picking him up and squeezing him with their mighty hands, while Springer and Roadbuster take pot shots at Skywarp, Dirge, Thrust, and Leader 1. Starscream leads Sunstorm and Ramjet against the Zilla and Godzilla combo while Tripticon walks up to join in the fight as well. Six Shot was in his jet form about to attack as well but John Thunder stealthily attacks the much larger Decepticon and is able to ensnare him briefly in his electro net while Jake Rockwell uses his heavy artillery and rockets to blow Sixshot out of the sky. The One Above All and Exitar the Exterminator travel at a little over 11 miles per second to break thru the atmosphere on their way to do battle with Unicron. “I have been waiting” Unicron says to the Celestials. The One Above All answers with “Of course you have, you cannot possibly be insinuating that there is something worth stating by you that I do not already know”. The One Above All then orders Exitar to destroy Unicron. The Celestial killer is bred to destroy anything, but despite his thousands of years of practice, Exitar is by no means used to doing battle with a being that is so much physically larger than him. The 2 opponents begin pounding on one another, doing damage to each other that would have been thought impossible to inflict by even the most powerful beings. Unicron then sticks his battered hand into the eyes Exitar which gives him the ability to briefly gain some semblance of control over the mind of The Celestial. The 2 opponents are barely functioning as Unicron focuses all his power to give the mental command of “Die” to Exitar, which Exitar does. As Exitar’s lifeless body floats away Unicron begins to implode with cosmic energy. The One Above All looks by with an emotion verging on glee knowing that although his Exterminator is killed that Unicron will not be long for these cosmos either. The One Above All begins to casually move away from the situation when Unicron grabs a hold of the lead Celestial’s head as if he were palming a softball. Unicron squeezes with all of his remaining might which is not enough to do damage to The One Above All, but it is enough to not allow his escape which causes The One Above All to join Unicron in death as the cosmic implosion becomes an explosion sending shockwaves throughout the cosmos. Set’s 7 heads defend in unison against the oncoming aerial attack. Set devours Monarch but has a little bit more trouble with Sinestro and Amon Sur. The 2 yellow lanterns concentrate all their power on one of the heads and destroy it, but Amon Sur is then bitten in half by another one. Darkseid and Superboy work together against the many-headed serpent as well. The 2 of them cover each other while Darkseid manages to take out 2 heads with his omega beams. Superboy manages to freeze one of the heads with his breath and then smash it, but while he is doing this instead of covering Darkseid, Darkseid is consumed by Set. This gives Set a boost of cosmic power that it had never quite experienced before which is how it is able to bite right thru the body of Superboy. Supergirl sees this destruction of her 2 very powerful teammates and decides that she must take matters into her own hands. She orders Sinestro to stay as far back as he needs to, but to lend her some cover with his ring. Once Set is kept somewhat busy by Sinestro’s light show of yellow energy Supergirl is able to enact a combination of hitting, freezing, & burning away the last 3 heads of Set one at a time until she and Sinestro can finally blast Set in the heart with everything they have and finally defeat it. The Iron Patriot leads the rest of The Dark Avengers against Superman, whose 2 super pets have decided to stay close to him this week. The Iron Patriot flies in with confidence but is surprisingly met with a clap of Superman’s hands around his head which cave his helmet in like a pop can. Superman stays in the air to do battle with The Sentry, but The Sentry seems to be purposefully taking his time to get there. While Superman waits Streaks and Comet fly down hard onto Venom and Daken. Venom thinks he can easily take the hit but is quickly proven wrong as Streaks fires directly thru his alien symbiote brain. Daken takes quite a beating from Comet but is able to stick his claws in hard up thru the neck of Comet and kill the Super Horse. Streaks tries to hit Daken with heat vision which manages to knock him back, but it is not until Superman hits Daken with a full blast of his heat vision that the mutant is completely fried down to the bone. The Sentry flies in fast and begins trading blows with Superman in what seems to be an extremely evenly matched battle. The Sentry manages to put quite a hurting on The Man of Steel but in the end he simply just not quite strong enough. Superman gets The Sentry in a choke hold, and after applying enough pressure to crush a bowling ball the size of Seattle, The Sentry is finally killed. Cable leads The Horsemen’s telepaths, sans Emma Frost whose head was not so kindly removed by the sword of Hector against the Thor Corps. Cable, his sister Phoenix, and his mom Madelyne Pryor try to take over the minds of Thor, Thunderstrike, & Ragnarok but they find that they are to strong-willed to simply control. Madelyne Pryor is about to blast some of her telepathic energy at Thor but Ragnarok brings his hammer down on her head to kill her. Cable fires his futuristic rifle at Thunderstrike but the young Thor of earth simply dodges out of the way. Rachel Summers unleashes the Phoenix force on Ragnarok which completely engulfs the clone of Thor and destroys him, at almost the exact same time that Thunderstrike puts his hammer of the same name right between the eyes of Cable. “Aye, should we win this day, we will have this hammer to thank” Thor says as he throws Mojinir into the cosmic fire of the Phoenix. Seconds that seem like hours pass as no one is sure of what this power battle will bring but eventually the hammer Mojinir comes flying out of the fire and back into the hands of Thor while Rachel Summers comes crashing down onto the ground, dead. The Joker is now laughing hysterically as he has his own teammate Jason Voorhies on a leash as he runs in to do battle with Lord Katsumoto and his squad of Asian warriors Jackie Chan, Jet Li, and Bruce Lee. The Joker whose control over Voorhies is somewhat uncanny releases the enraged Jason on their opponents. Jason takes his machete and plants it right between the eyes of Jet Li and then grabs a hold of Jackie Chan, and twists his head off. Bruce Lee begins fighting hand to hand with The Joker but The Joker stops to laugh as Jason simply comes up behind Bruce Lee as if he were a puppy coming to protect his master The Joker. Bruce Lee struggles but cannot seem to get loose from the grip of Jason who squeezes the neck of Bruce Lee until blood finally stops running out of his eyes. Jason begins to move toward Lord Katsumoto but the Samurai warlord moves swiftly toward Jason, unafraid of anything he just witnessed. Katsumoto then sticks his Tachi into the neck of Jason and then pulls it out quickly. In one fluid motion Katsumoto swings the sword around in a circular motion that ends with the removal of Jason’s head. The Joker picks up Jason’s weapon and rushes up behind Katsumoto but the samurai simply sticks his sword out behind him causing The Joker to run himself thru, allowing someone else to get the last laugh. Max orders The Shining Force to form up. Numbers are on their side but Max can see that the force they are about to do battle with will not be easily defeated. Pinhead starts telepathically controlling his chains and causes them to brutally kill Yogurt, Domingo, and all 4 healers. It is not until Tao casts Dispel on Pinhead to revert him back to his human form that Zylo is able to kill him. Hades manages to take out both gladiators Gort and Luke despite their Atlas wielding abilities, as well as Vann and Ryan, but Max uses the Chaos Breaker with its ability to wield both the sides of light and dark which is enough to kill the god of the Underworld. Plo Koon uses his lightsaber to easily destroy both Bird People, Kokichi, Bario, the ninja, and the samurai, but Anri is able to almost take him out completely with Freeze 4 which leaves him weak enough to be killed by Pelle and his Demon Lance. Juggernaut comes running in toward Original Titan #1 with his fists swinging and does not stop as he pounds his way thru the much larger Cymek. Juggernaut manages to take the Titan off guard and not even break stride until the huge human brained robot is destroyed. Titan #2, in seeing this amazing display of momentum, has no desire to meet the same fate which is why The Titan targets the back of Juggernaut with an amazing amount of weaponry to actually stop The Juggernaut. Willow is about to cast a spell when Archangel flies down from above and pins the little wizard to the ground with his razor sharp wings. Krang fights back in his bulky robotic suit but he is no match for Archangel as Warren Worthington directs his poison darts directly into the brain cavity that is Krang to kill him. The 2 Centurions than converge on Archangel’s position but Archangel takes to the air to avoid their initial attacks. John Thunder uses his infiltration techniques to try and lure Archangel out of the air but when he does he is met by a razor wing slice to the neck. It is not until Jake Rockwell blasts his land to air missile at Archangel who wrongly believes that his hardened wings are enough to block the attack, that the mutant is eventually killed. Nyobi, Hector, and Luke Skywalker are busy taking on a limitless army of Madrox clones when Baby Wolverine sneaks around to some bushes where he sniffs out the real Jamie Madrox who is simply hiding in the rough creating more and more clones of himself. The little Wolverine proves that he is the best at what baby killers do as he sneaks up behind The Multiple Man and sticks him in the heart with his claws. Skywarp leads his seeker team of Dirge and Thrust rocketing thru the airwaves to rendezvous with Leader 1, Blitzwing and Astrotrain so they can begin their attack on Tripticon when Starscream pops up out of nowhere with his seeker group of Sunstorm and Ramjet right behind him. With his 2 wingmen protecting his back Starscream targets Thrust out of the sky, the 3 of them veer off course once Leader 1’s crew comes into the picture but the smaller faster jets led by Starscream are able to concentrate their fire on Astrotrain to take him out. While Starscream takes out Dirge, Blitzwing lands and transforms into his tank mode to target Sunstorm out of the sky. Ramjet is then taken out Leader 1 who also gets in position to take out Starscream while Starscream is showing his flight superiority to his old friend Skywarp. Leader 1 is about to take advantage of his better position over Starscream when Luke Skywalker (the old one) in his X-Wing pop up as if they were teleported there to blast Leader 1 out of the sky with an advanced missile. Luke than uses up another one of his missiles to blast Blitzwing off the ground before he can transform out of tank mode to avoid the blast. Gideon and Elixir move against Mitsurugi and Seraph. Gideon steals the powers of the timid Elixir, and then uses them in ways that Elixir would never think to. Gideon simply makes Mitsurugi’s heart stop beating while Seraph puts a .40 caliber bullet between the eyes of Elixir, which inadvertently and luckily for Seraph takes the biological manipulation powers away from Gideon. Gideon simply takes the abilities and skills of Seraph though and the 2 of them become locked in an amazing Kung Fu battle. They are all of the sudden amazingly matched due to the fact that they are using the exact same skills but Gideon has a significant size advantage over the protector of The Oracle. Gideon tries to come in hard with a roundhouse punch but it seems that speed and experience win out in this battle as Seraph ducks underneath the attempted blow and gets in behind Gideon to crack his neck. Serci comes down from the sky to do battle with The Shining Force. Serci has seen what the Wizardesses of The Shining Force have done thus far to her team which is why she targets The Shining Force’s magic users first. In the blink of an eye she takes out Tao, Anri, Wile, and Arthur. She then moves on to take out the team’s Steam knight and their 3 ranged attackers. She faces off against Zylo who is amazed to find out that despite his superiority in size he is not stronger than she is, and even with the help of the expert mercenary knight Pelle Serci ends out on top. Only Max, Edgar, and Mae are able to overpower Serci after Max stuns her with the use of The Chaos Breaker so the 2 knights can use their valkyrie and halberd to finish her off. Springer and Roadbuster are able to keep Zilla occupied with their laser blasts to give Tripticon enough time to finish off Zilla with a massive laser blast from his open mouth, but once Tripticon is successful with this move Godzilla opens his own mouth and completely disintegrates Tripticon with his cosmic fire breath. Godzilla then stomps on Both Springer and Roadbuster with his massive feet. Deathstroke throws a grenade into the mouth of Bowser to blow him up internally but Gannon uses some magical aid to put a sword into Deathstroke’s head, doing enough damage that Deathstroke’s superior mind is unable to heal it. Gannon stands at the ready after this small victory but after Havoc pumps him full of solar energy Gannon is little more than a Kentucky Fried elf killer (I don’t know where I got the idea to use that ridiculous term, but its late, and I’m leaving it in). The Stunticons merge to form Menacer and then march alongside The Balrog of Moria to do battle against the Neo-Cymeks whom they find are now being led by Galvatron as The only remaining Original Titan is on the other side of the battlefield. Menacer does not like these odds but they soon become a little more evened up as Starscream and Luke in the X-Wing fly in to help and Havoc and Tommy Oliver (sans Dragon Zord) rush in to help on the ground. Supergirl and Sinestro wipe out the 3 remaining members of the Shining Force on their way to take on Hot Rod, Blaster and his 4 remaining tapes, while Achilles and Lion-O make short work of Lord Katsumoto and then defeat Jake Rockwell despite his vastly superior fire power. Despite the fact that Hector has no desire to face off against Achilles again, he is a man of honor and will do whatever is asked of him by his teammates. Hector leads Gen. Maximus, Baby Wolverine, & Nyobi against Achilles and Lion-O. Hector manages to keep Achilles busy by provoking the Greek in hopes that his followers can defeat their opponent in time and help him out with the pride of The Greek forces. Lion-O removes the head of Gen. Maximus and then uses The Sword of Omens to pin Baby Wolverine to the side of the tree and then remove his cute little Logan head. Nyobi and Lion-O square off and seem pretty evenly matched but in the end it is superior weaponry that wins the day for Lion-O as he lops off yet another head with The Sword of Omens. Hector fights valiantly against Achilles but in the end this fight can come to a close in only one way. As destiny sees fit Achilles once again proves himself to be the better of the 2 fighters and kills his worthy opponent Hector. The 2 Horsemen stand ready for their next round of attackers but this time they find themselves to be not quite as well matched. The Sword of Omens possesses great power in the hands of Lion-O but it is lacking when it faces off against the Sword of Grayskull in the hands of He-Man. The 2 of them clash for a considerable amount of time but in the end He-Man proves himself to be The Master of the Universe (or at least this fight) as Lion-O gets cat-nipped by The Eternian (cat-nipped, huh…. What do you think, yes…, no…. you like it? Too much? Yeah I can’t tell either). Seraph is holding off Achilles nicely despite Achilles relentless attacks but once He-Man comes in to lend his homeboy Seraph a hand even the great Greek Achilles shows his signs of wear and succumbs to the might of their combined fighting techniques. Seraph turns to his companion He-Man to thank him for his help in defeating Achilles but when he does, He-Man falls flat on his face from a wound to the jugular that neither he nor Seraph even knew Achilles inflicted on him. Hot Rod does a great job as an interim Autobot leader but it proves to simply be not enough as he, Blaster, Rewind, Eject, Ramhorn, & Steeljaw are unable to defeat either Supergirl or Sinestro. The 2 super-powered aliens simply fly circles around the 6 Autobots and lay them to waste. Supergirl then gets a little carried away as she sticks her little finger into the ear of Sepiroth as if she is a demented little killer Q-tip before her and her new homie Sinestro face off against Bloodwind. Havoc and Tommy take a while to accomplish it, but with a lot of sweat and team work the 2 of them manage to take down Neo-Cymek #8. Once they get down a bit of a rhythm it does not take them nearly as long to destroy Neo-Cymek #17. But Neo-Cymek #2 uses one of its retractable metal arms to knock over Havoc and then skewer Tommy Oliver right thru his protective chest shield. Havoc is visibly shaken and when he officially comes to he realizes that the Cymek is right over top of him. Havoc, with his last breath conjures up as much energy as he can and surges it thru himself causing both of the opponents to create a massive explosion which kills them both. Several Neo-Cymeks take to the air to do battle with Luke and Starscream, who have just used their combined fire power to take out Galvatron in his robot form. An incredible dog-fight ensues which we will soon return to. Bloodwind attempts to use his eye beams on Supergirl but she quickly evades the attack, while Sinestro uses his ring to create a giant axe that slices thru Bloodwind and kills him. Supergirl comes down like a meteor on top of Titan #2 which puts a good size whole in the hull of the huge cymek. Sinestro then uses his yellow ring to pump the hole with as much yellow energy as he can muster until Original Titan #2 eventually explodes. The Balrog of Moria in a fit of rage worthy of Mordor uses his fiery magic and evil encrusted whip to take out Neo-Cymeks #4, 5, & 18. This amazing show of fighting prowess should be well-noted but in the end even the evil valor spawned creature succumbs to the overwhelming firepower of The Neo-Cymeks and is destroyed. Starscream and Luke prove to be practically unhittable as they zoom around the skies evading everything that the cymeks have to throw at them. Starscream takes out Cymeks #7 & 9 while Luke despite being out of missiles takes out #10 & 15 with nothing but perfectly placed laser blasts. Starscream is almost hit by Cymek #11 but Luke sacrifices himself to save Starscream by getting between his Decepticon friend and Cymek #11 but getting shot down himself in the process. Luke manages to eject safely from the X-Wing but the same cannot be said for his droid R6-o3. Luke lies on the ground doing what he can to regain his composure when the 2 Neo-Cymeks land right in front of the Jedi Master. Starscream lands behind them but has no shot unless he wants to take out his much needed partner in crime in the process. Starscream wait for Luke to pull out his lightsaber or something but Luke simply raises his hand into the air and with a deep breath uses the force to rip the 2 Neo-Cymeks apart causing even the eternally arrogant Starscream to display a look of amazement on his metal face. Supergirl and Sinestro are clicking in a way that would make both Darkseid and Hanibal Lectur proud if they were still alive as they fly circles around the massive beast known as Godzilla. Sinestro keeps the huge monster busy with his blasts of yellow energy and numerous yellow energy creations but it is Supergirl who gets the final blow as she comes in at an amazing rate of speed like a corkscrew into the back of Godzilla’s head going directly into his brain cavity and killing the massive competitor. Superman and Supergirl regroup there forces on opposing sides in a way similar to the beginning of the battle, yet very little is similar to the beginning of the battle. The battlefield, now littered with bodies has very little of the green that it was had. The ground is soaked with blood and motor oil reminiscent of something Goofjuice would find on the internet and then talk about on the pod cast while he pretends like we’re crazy for not understanding him. Supergirl forms up with her team of Sinestro, Luke Skywalker, and Starscream. While on the other side of the carcass-laden field Superman lines up his team of Streaks, Thor, Thunderstrike, Luke Skywalker, and Seraph. It is awkward to fight on a plot of land where one’s feet cannot even touch the ground do to the sheer number of scattered and broken weapons, not to mention the scattered and broken bodies. Besides the fact that there is little strategy to discuss in a battle this cut and dry so without saying a word Supergirl’s forces scatter and begin the attack. Grand Jedi Master Luke Skywalker ignites his green bladed lightsaber and moves toward Superman while Supergirl and Sinestro attack Thor and Thunderstrike. “Again I spake, it is by Mojinir alone that we will win this battle. Now defend yourself Kryptonian wench”. Starscream transforms into his jet form and flies in toward TEAM in an attempt to simply ram his opponents but Luke Skywalker and Seraph both flip on to the back of the Decepticon. Starscream quickly pulls up, knowing that the people on his back do not have flight ability and then goes in to a tail spin to try and knock them off. Seraph tries his hardest to hold on but he loses his grip and goes plummeting to his doom. Luke, thru great concentration in the force manages to hold on and ignite his lightsaber. Luke takes a great gamble, but one that he knows is necessary for his TEAM. He lets the force speak to him and let him know exactly where the weakest point is on the sentient ship he is combating and then sticks his lightsaber into it. He widens the gap using the force and then plunges his Jedi weapon into the spot extinguishing the spark of The Decepticon. Luke Skywalker uses the force to ease his fall from the sky but his force abilities are simply not yet good enough for a fall from such an amazing height which is why Luke cannot survive the fall. Thunderstrike whispers to Thor during a brief lull in the battle that: “These Kryptonians are more powerful than they look brother; as much as it pains me, we must work alongside Superman if we are to defeat these evil-doers”. “Nay we need only this weapon and its worthy wielder to defeat our enemies, and nevertheless I still don’t trust Superman” Thor responds as he holds up Mojinir and resumes his battle with Supergirl. Luke Skywalker moves in quickly against Superman and his cat. Superman has no problem evading the initial lightsaber attacks but with a flick of his wrist and a spin of his saber Luke manages to cut Streaks directly in half. Superman attempts to blow Luke away but Luke blocks the gale force winds with a force of his own and then blocks Superman’s heat vision with his lightsaber. Thor has been battling with Supergirl and Thunderstrike with Sinestro but in the heat of the fast-paced battle the fights were switched. Sinestro tries to blast Thor with his ring but Thor powers thru the attack and catches the exhausted Sinestro on the side of his face with Mojinir which completely caves in his head. Thor then turns to go aid his brother in arms Thunderstrike but sees that Supergirl has already finished her choke hold and is dropping his lifeless body to the ground. Supergirl knows from the experience of her last battle with TEAM that she is unable to lift the Asgardian hammers for whatever reason, which is why she flies in toward Thor at twice the speed of light and begins pummeling him with hits he cannot even see coming. Back down on the ground Superman goes in for a killer punch on Luke but Luke quickly evades the attack and spins his lightsaber into the air behind his back with such ferocity that Luke pushes the balance of how far a Jedi can go before they cross over to the dark side. With a certain degree of his immense force power behind the swing of his saber, Luke nicks the right eye of Superman and then brings his lightsaber down so hard on the back swing that he manages to cut the left arm of the Man of Steel clean off. Luke then force pushes Superman to the ground as if he were flinging the body of a lifeless doll. Thor manages to escape the brutal attack of Supergirl a battered and bloody mess and begins flying away (really traveling with his thrown hammer) from Supergirl, but he finds out rather quickly that even after Supergirl stopped to rest for a minute she has no problem catching up to the Asgardian. Luke jumps in toward Superman to finish the job; but Superman, although still lying on his back gets up his big red boot just in the nick of time to catch Luke under the mouth and break his neck. Even the great and powerful Superman needs to sit and rest his battered and mutilated body for a second before he goes to aid Thor who is on the losing end of a battle with a Supergirl that seems as if she will simply not tire during the course of this battle. Supergirl smirks as she catches up to Thor who is evading in a vain attempt to regroup from Supergirl’s relentless attacks. Thor receives a punch to the gut from Supergirl which marks the moment when even the most self-confident man realizes that he is the middle of a battle that he cannot win. The one-armed, one-eyed Superman takes flight and begins moving toward the other end of the immense battlefield where this final battle of powerhouses is taking place. Now whether it be due to his incalculable strength or his immeasurable good will, one can never be sure, but in the brief moment of selfless action, when the first son of Odin used his final bit of strength to throw the great hammer Mojinir to the last son of Krypton; Kal El reached out his hand as if he had just been thrown a pencil. Superman, with Mojinir in his one good hand lands back down on the ground and waits for only a second before Supergirl lands in front of him. Supergirl states plainly: “We’ve done this before cousin; and the last 2 times I defeated you, you were in much better shape”. Superman, not in his typical state of mind does not hesitate for a second as he simply swings Mojinir with all of his might and catches Supergirl directly under the chin. It is impossible to say where exactly it was that Supergirl landed, but as far as the members of TEAM are concerned, he sent her right back to Apokolips.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!