Week 3 Consolation Matches Match #6: The Syracuse Valley vs. The Untouchables

The Syracuse Valley is Rob Bartlett

The Untouchables are Big Bird.

Before the match starts Rob has a brilliant idea. He talks to Big Bird about it and after several minutes of convincing, Big Bird agreed to go along with it. The thing that Rob had come up with was having this be a best two out of three bout. He had seen Josh and Mike play enough fighting games to know that the fairest way to settle a fight was in a best two out of three match.

Both Rob and Big Bird walked down into the muddy ditch and got ready for the fight. Rob had grabbed a wrench out of his dad’s garage, which angered Big Bird a great deal.

“ What the hell Rob, you get a weapon?” Big Bird said to the arrogant 19-year old.

“ It’s called home field advantage Big B@&^%. Why don’t you try and come and grab it from me.” Just then the ice below Big Bird started to crack. Big Bird then realized that he was too heavy to be on this ice and quickly moved towards Rob. Rob was in a good position to hit the bird in the gut, but instead of hitting him the bird tripped and fell on top of him. Rob tried to get out from under the bird but was unable to break free.

The bird at first thought about how he was going to get up. That was until he realized that as long as he was on top of Rob, Rob was going to be stuck in this freezing cold water. Rob tried for a good half hour to break free from his very large opponent, but was never able to. Rob then with his last breath before he died said, “ Well at least I still have another round to get you back with”.

Big Bird then looked at Rob and said, “ You sure about that?” Rob then thought to himself about the Bird’s last remark and began to realize that his idea, though fair, was probably not going to happen.

The Bird waited another twenty minutes before getting up out of the ditch. Even then though, he decided to go back into the ditch and break the 19-year olds neck just for good measure.

Mike, who had watched all of these matches from the comfort of his home, got out of the house for this one. Mike saw the Bird break his neighbors neck and decided to confront him about this.

“ What the hell did you do that for?” Mike asked the large yellow-feathered creature.

“ Well, I figured that I would kill him twice just in case his stupid Mortal Kombat idea of two out of three came true.”

“ Even if that were the case, you can’t kill someone twice. You would have still had to kill him again even if you would have been given another chance.”
Big Bird then looked once more at the dead body lying in the ditch and said, “ Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter now regardless of what happened. Why are you out here right now anyways?”

“ Oh I don’t know, maybe because you just killed my next door neighbor in my ditch. Seriously dude, this entire day has been pretty awful. Then to end the day, you have to go and kill Rob. I just was hoping it would have ended differently. Well, at least it’s over with” Mike said to the Big Bird.

“ Well, I’m done Mike, but your not.”

“ What do you mean? I thought this was the last match.” Mike said with a look of worry on his face.

“ Well, I guess you will have to wait and see like the rest of us. Anyways, I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

“ What do you mean, who else is coming here?” A panicking Mike said.

Big Bird started to walk away, but as he walked away he left Mike with this. “ I won’t tell you who’s coming, but you may want to start getting used to watching people you work with die”.

Mike looked at the back of Big Bird with a feeling of horror and thought to himself that he should have listened to the warning that his buddy Tim had given him. He also thought to himself that he could never watch Sesame Street in the same light ever again.

The Untouchables are Victorious!