Season 4, Week 9: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs. George Washington's Slaves

“Do or do not. . . there is no try.”
-Yoda

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 9 Match located in Dagobah. They are as follows:

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: Count Dooku, Asajj Ventress (w/ a Sith lavarouk), Aurra Sing, X-23, Psylocke, Salacious B. Crumb, Baby Wolverine, Zombie Ewok #4 and Kermit the Frog.

George Washington’s Slaves: Yoda (w/ a green lantern ring) and Kybuck, Sifo Dyas, Hound (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership) (AKA: Houndimus Prime), Black Lantern Darkseid and Savage Opress (w/ a red lantern ring).

Let the battle begin. . .

Yoda rides his Kybuck toward the opening battle. He rises from the steed through the use of his green lantern ring. Yoda gently lands on his home world’s ground. He notices an enemy at the edge of the swamp’s waters.

Kermit: Hi, ho! Kermit the Frog here!

Yoda: Come to my house do you?

Kermit the Frog: Time’s fun when you’re having flies.

Yoda: Believe you are stronger than I do you?

Kermit: It’s not easy being green.

Yoda (ears slightly drooping): Ugh. About it do tell.

Kermit has distracted Yoda with his musings. Baby Wolverine jumps from a branch above. Yoda’s Force senses kick in immediately and before Baby Wolverine can react in time, he is sliced in two. Salacious B. Crumb can be heard laughing at the scene.

Kermit: G-d d*amn! You mother f*ckin’ lizard piece of sh*t! Baby Wolverine was on your own team!!! Why the f*ck are you laughing, you f*ck?!?!

Salacious B. Crumb attempts to comprehend the words of Kermit, but fails. Kermit’s words are lost on him and he begins to cackle again. Yoda uses the Force to carry Crumb over to Kermit. Yoda does a barrel flip and bounds over to the duo. In a matter of seconds, both Kermit and Crumb are killed by the diminutive Jedi.

As Yoda’s Kybuck races through the foliage, he is struck by a spear that pierces into the beast’s side. The Kybuck crashes to the ground. Zombie Ewok #4 walks out of the bushes and rips into the mortally wounded Kybuck. Zombie Ewok #4 feasts on the dead Kybuck’s entrails.

Ewok: Nyubray hooga chobak! [Translation: Tastes like chicken!]

Sifo Dyas sees Count Dooku.

Sifo Dyas: We meet again Count Dooku.

Count Dooku: Unfortunately for you, the same conclusion will follow.

History repeats itself and after a protracted battle of lightsabers Dyas is killed by Dooku.

Aurra Sing is located on a large branch with Savage Opress in her sights. She fires and Opress manages to deflect the sniper fire at the last second. As Opress is about to fight Sing, Houndimus Prime steps into the fray and blasts Sing. Her scorched body falls to the ground below.

Opress: She was mine. . .

Opress storms off, embittered that he was unable to destroy his prey. He is not allowed to brew long though as he spots Dooku joined by Asajj Ventress. Dooku smiles at the sight of Opress.

Asajj: I am your apprentice, master, not this Zabrak scum!

Asajj jumps at Opress and lightsabers flash as the two Dooku apprentices tussle. The red lantern ring of Opress manages to outduel the Sith lavarouk of Ventress. In the end, Opress manages to impale Ventress. As a mortally wounded Ventress crawls toward Dooku, Opress finishes the job and kills her. Dooku then smiles, once again.

Dooku: You have defeated a mere apprentice. Let’s see how you fare against your superior.

Opress does not fair well as Dooku slices him in half. Opress shares the fate of that other “notable” Zabrak.

X-23 and Psylocke fight Black Lantern Darkseid. BL Darkseid’s black lantern constructs and psionic energy combines into a force too powerful for X-23. X-23 perishes. Psylocke manages to use her psycho-blast to rip into BL Darkseid. The black lantern’s body begins to re-assemble itself. Psylocke manages to blast him again. Then, in a miraculous feat of fighting ability (and a whole lot of luck), Psylocke manages to use her psychic kitana sword to destroy the ring. Thus, BL Darkseid becomes inert. Houndimus Prime cannot believe this mere mutant could defeat such a powerful entity. The Transformer unleashes his entire arsenal upon Psylocke, who is decimated by the weaponry.

Yoda faces Count Dooku and Zombie Ewok #4. The crazed ewok runs at Yoda, who easily spins away and slices off its head.

Yoda: For Kybuck that was.

Dooku: I've been waiting for you, Yoda. We meet again at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master.

Yoda: Stolen that line you have. Better the first time it was.

Yoda and Dooku enter into a pitched battle. In the end, Yoda’s fighting ability and green lantern ring are too powerful for the older statesman. Yoda is victorious. Houndimus Prime joins the Jedi.

Yoda: A formidable force did we face in the Midgets. Kudos to them do they deserve. Victory though is ours!

The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants: All dead.

George Washington’s Slaves: Yoda and Hound survive.

GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES IS VICTORIOUS!!!