Season Five: Week 2: Tijuana Taco Benders vs Horsemen of Apokolips

Tijuana Taco Benders: New X-Men: Surge, Blindfold, Rockslide, Mercury, Anole and Gentle, Zombie Polaris, Black Lantern Colossus and Paddle (Immell #4) w/green lightsaber.

Horsemen of Apokolips: Freddy Kreuger w/yellow ring, Jason Voorhees w/blue lightsaber, Pinhead, Leatherface, The Joker and White Lantern Sinestro.


TWO HOURS INTO A ‘HORSEMEN’ STRATEGY MEETING

Freddy Krueger: “Well that’s what Pinny and I have decided on so just deal with it.”

WL Sinestro is red in the face with anger, as he cannot understand how it ever got to this point.

Sinestro: “Look, you guys are the most evil characters on this team okay. We are not going into this match and not have any of you act “Evil” as you so admittedly insist.”

Pinhead is sitting in the corner knitting together what looks like a sweater made out of some sort of flesh and metal wire. Jason and Leatherface are playing darts with a flayed cat nailed to the wall. Well okay, they are basically just throwing knives at the cat, but it is nailed to a dartboard so it is possible they are keeping score. The Joker is actually just reading an autobiography on Charles Kuralt and Freddy is sitting across from Sinestro at the table in the middle of the room.

Freddy: “Take it or leave it Sinny.”

Sinestro can’t even begin to describe his frustration but one look at his face tells the entire story.

Sinestro: “Look, what can I do to change your mind.”

Freddy: “Get rid of the ring. You are evil and you’re allowed to act good now so why can’t we?”

Sinestro: “I wasn’t completely evil, not like you guys. You all are nothing but soulless killers. Your entire reason for living is to torture and maim people. If you don’t do that then there is no point to you even being here.”

Freddy: “Well maybe that’s it exactly. Maybe our entire existence has been one big waste of time. I feel like I’ve lost my soul in the process of all of this. My hearts’ just not in it anymore. I feel like I’ve wasted my entire life."

Sinestro: “Okay look…I get where you are coming from, believe me. I know how it’s like to feel like everything you’ve ever stood for has been for nothing. After such a long time in this thing you start to lose touch with everything that you originally got into for. The key is to try and go back to the beginning.”

Freddy: “What are trying to do here, give us a pep talk?”

Sinestro: “Listen for just a minute. You still remember when you first got into this don’t you?”

Freddy: (With an almost sheepish look on his face) “I guess.”

Sinestro: “Think back to when you first started, who was your first kill?”

Freddy: “This little girl from the town I lived in.”

Sinestro: “Okay good and what did you do with her?”

Freddy: “I don’t know.”

Sinestro: “Come on Fred, you remember. I know you do.”

Freddy: “Well, I guess I tied her up and watched her starve a while.”

Sinestro: “Okay good and then what else.”

Freddy: “Well after she couldn’t beg anymore I cut her open and watched her bleed out, you know until she finally died.”

Sinestro: “Alright, good. And do you remember how that made you feel.”

Freddy: “I don’t know, good I guess.”

Sinestro: "I bet it made you feel great. I bet it made you feel like you had all the power in the world on your side. I bet you it made you feel invincible, like nobody could ever touch you ever again.”

Freddy: “Well yeah, I guess it did.”

Sinestro: “Of course it, that’s why you kept doing it over and over again until they burned you alive in your house and then you came back even stronger then ever. You see, that feeling that you felt was so strong that it kept you going even after you died. Not even death could stop something as pure and evil as you.”

Freddy looked down at the table but Sinestro could see a smile start to creep onto the burn victims face.

Sinestro: “Hey, is that a smile I see on your face?”

Freddy: “No.”

Sinestro: “I think is, isn’t it?”

Freddy: “Well…maybe a little bit.”

Sinestro: “From what I’m seeing it looks more like a big smile. The smile that can only be brought on by the feeling of pride you still have in yourself.”

Freddy now has a huge smile on his face (which for the record is creepy as shit).

Sinestro: “Now can I ask you one more thing Fred?”

Freddy: “What’s that?”

Sinestro: “Do you think you can help me out in this match?”

Freddy looks around to the rest of his soulless teammates who seem to be all looking directly at him and said, “Well I suppose I can help you, being evil and all, it is what I do.”

Sinestro: "All right, that’s what I like to hear. Now let’s get out of here and go kill and maim some people.”

The entire room erupts in cheers and they come pouring out of the conference room looking ready to slaughter a village of innocent people.


THE ARCTIC

The arctic air was very quiet as the kids of the New X-Men stood behind their two older and far darker teammates. Black Lantern Colossus looked over at Zombie Polaris and knew that the former AL members have always been one of the most dominating and intimidating teams in the league so it was going to take nothing less then a masterful performance to keep up with them.

Both Colossus and Zombie Polaris conferred with each other before relaying their plan to their teammates but before they were even able to say a word they found out that this match was going to be even more difficult then they originally imagined.


Surge and Rockslide were commenting to each other about how nice it was outside, which they found odd as they were supposed to be in the arctic.

Rockslide: “Is it just me or does something not feel right about this?”

Surge: “It’s like something is severely off, I just can’t tell in what way.”

Mercury: “You guys, where are Colossus and Polaris?”

Anole: “I just saw them, they’re right in front of us.”

Mercury: “No there not, where in front of us?”

Anole: “I just saw them, I swear they were standing right there (pointing directly in front of him).”

Gentle: “I don’t like this, let’s get out of here.”

Anole: “Get out of where? We are in the middle of the arctic. There’s nowhere to go.”

Surge: “Well that’s it isn’t it. We’re in the middle of the arctic aren’t we? Then why isn’t it cold? We should all be freezing right now.”

Blindfold: “You guys, do you hear that?”

Mercury: “Maybe it’s just a construct, like back at school.”

Blindfold: “One two, Guess who’s coming for you.”

Surge: “I doubt it, since when would the world just be a construct.”

Blindfold: “Three Four, Better lock your door.”

Mercury: “Well I don’t know. I’m not the one who controls these sort of things.”

Blindfold: “Five Six, Grab your Crusifix.”

Surge: “Well either am I. Why do you think I know how all of this works?”

Blindfold: “Seven eight, Gonna stay up late.”

Mercury: “I don’t think you do, but I sure as hell don’t know the answer either.”

Blindfold: “Nine ten, Never sleep again.”

Surge: “Well then get off my back about it.”

Gentle: “Would you guys please shut the hell up, what are you saying Ruth?”

Blindfold: “You don’t hear it. One two, Freddy’s coming for you…”

Freddy Krueger: “Ahhh, always was one of my favorite songs.”


Colossus immediately went over to his slumbering teammates and was trying to wake them up.

Colossus: “Are they asleep? What the hell is going on here?”

Colossus looked over at his zombie teammate and realized he was basically on his own on this one as the zombified version of Polaris may be decent at fighting but is basically useless at anything else.

Colossus: “What about you Paddle, got any ideas?”

Paddle: “Oh so now you are going to acknowledge that I’m actually here?”

Colossus: “Okay, I see I’m on my own on this one.”

Paddle: “How about your ring genius, it brings people back to life doesn’t it.”

Colossus: “But they’re not dead.”

Paddle: “So what, maybe it can do something about their suspended sleep.”

Colossus looked at Paddle with severe skepticism.

Paddle: “For Christ’s sake, isn’t it at least worth a shot.”

Colossus then used the power of his ring on the kids but before he was able to make contact with him he felt a sudden loss of control and in an instant, Colossus was turned into dust.

WL Sinestro: “We’re not going to have any of that today thank you very much.”

Paddle then jumped out at Sinestro with the intention of landing a blow with his lightsaber but as his arm was about to come down towards the white lantern, a massive hook that was now puncturing his forearm suddenly held it back. Paddle let a terrible scream and looked over to his side to see a creepy looking man wearing an S/M outfit with pin’s coming out of his head.

Pinhead: “I believe it is now my turn.”

Paddle’s body was then dragged towards the icy ground of the arctic and before long there were hooks pierced through his other forearm and both of his ankles. The pain is excruciating and before Paddle is even able to let out another scream, Jason Voorhees is standing over him jamming his lightsaber into his midsection.

Pinhead: “That was much too easy now wasn’t it, we didn’t even give him time to learn to enjoy it.”

At this point Zombie Polaris realized what was going on and sent both Jason and Pinhead flying with a blast of energy, one that easily killed the two Horsemen members.

Leatherface watched this happen and took off towards the zombiefied Taco Benders and with one slice, cut off her arm with his chainsaw. This normally would be devastating to anyone who just had their arm cut off, but as this is a zombie we are dealing with, he might as well have just scratched her lightly because she doesn’t even flinch. She then turned around, grabbed him by the throat (with the remaining arm of course) and completely fried the brain of the inbred backwoods psycho.

The Joker sees this and starts to laugh hysterically at his teammates demise.

The Joker: “Oh my, I couldn’t have done that better myself.”

Polaris then looked over at the Joker and decided it was time to finish off the always-wordy jokester. The Joker watched her approach with a wide grin on his face and before Polaris got directly in front of him, the Joker set off a series of explosions that engulfed the surrounding area to which she was standing. The frigid waters of the Arctic swallowed her whole, which sent the Joker into another fit of laughter.

The Joker: “Oooh, but I can’t imagine you doing that any better then me.”

The Joker danced around a bit as Sinestro watched in amusement but before long the zombie version of Polaris was back up on the surface, floating directly in front of the Batman villain.

The Joker: “Well aren’t you a go-getter.”

As the Joker said this, Polaris sent a blast of energy into the makeup wearing villains’ midsection, knocking him into the freezing waters. She then electrified the frigid waters, killing him after one more bought of hysterical laughter. Polaris then looked over at Sinestro and sent an easily deflected blast of energy over to him.

Sinestro: “Very cute Lorna, now it’s time for you to go away.”

Polaris’s mauled face then began to burst from the inside out until eventually she completely exploded all over the arctic floor.

Sinestro: “Now Mr. Krueger, it’s your turn.”


The realization of their predicament was upon them now but the solution was not yet evident. The main issue with all of this was that inside Freddy’s dream world, nobody was able to utilize their powers, which is just how Freddy liked it.

The first to go down was Surge, whose throat had been torn open by a quick swipe from Freddy’s glove, spilling blood everywhere while she grabbed onto her neck hoping to stop the bleeding. Surge was quickly overtaken by shock and soon enough she was lying on the ground, dead to both the dream and real world.

Mercury: “You sack of shit Freddy, show yourself.”

Freddy: “I doubt you want that kid, but if you insist…”

Freddy then appeared in the glow of his yellow ring and sent a wave of yellow energy directly at Mercury and Gentle that tore them apart.

Freddy: “You kids still want me around or was I more dangerous in the shadows?”

At this point Rockslide and Anole both launched themselves at the Elm Street resident with very little success, both being knocked down in various directions.

Freddy: “You’re in my world, there’s nothing much you can do so you might as well just let me have my way.”

Meanwhile in the corner of an ice formation, Blindfold had been sitting on the ground concentrating for sometime now.

Anole: (Spits blood from his mouth) “You know Ruth, it’d be nice if you could give us a hand.”

Blindfold: “I am helping you.”

Out of the blue Blindfold disappeared, leaving the dream world altogether.


Blindfold looked around and saw the bloodied bodies of her fellow X-Men teammates lying on the icy floor. She looked over at the bodies of Rockslide and Anole and saw them still breathing, albeit deeply with a look of pain on their faces. She then searched the immediate area and saw nothing else around her. She felt the frigid wind on her body for the first time since the beginning of the match, which brought with it a sense of relief as knew for a fact that she was finally back in the real world. She then searched telepathically through the region and could feel another force at work so she began to push back at it. She quickly realized that there was a force at work that was even beyond her own abilities.

Despite this fact, she was still powerful enough to realize that the reason she and her fellow teammates were in a deep sleep was because of the lantern power that was somewhere at work in this arena. Instead of using her immense yet not always stabile powers to find her enemy though, she used the one weapon that all teenage girls always have at their disposal; her voice.

Blindfold: (Shouting) “Show yourself you coward, if you are so powerful why must you hide? I suppose it’s just easier for you to hide behind your powers you pussy.”

Sinestro then appeared right in front of her.

Sinerstro: “Such a temper for such a small girl. I must say, you are not what I expected. It is also very curious that somebody wearing a blindfold would be so eager for someone to show themselves.”

Blindfold: “For somebody who hides in the background, you sure do have a lot to say. Oh and by the way, just because I am wearing a blindfold, doesn’t mean I can’t still see.”

Blindfold then temporally sent Sinestro into another dimension while at the same time, pulling both of her teammates back from their slumber. Rockslide and Anole woke up but were both badly beaten. Anole has had both of his legs torn off, which will grow back but have not done so quite yet. Rockslide was still out of it but was at least conscience. The biggest upside of all of this though was the fact that Freddy was no longer in his world, but the real world itself.

Freddy: (Sarcastically)“Thanks so much Sinestro, this worked out sooooo well.”

Blindfold: “You looking for your friend, he had to take a time out for a minute but don’t worry, he won’t be gone for long.”

Freddy: “Oh I’m not worried, I’m just annoyed is all.”

Blindfold: “I’ve seen your movies before Freddy, you’re in our world now. You are just as vulnerable as any one else now.”

Freddy: “Hahahahahahaha, well good for you kid. Unfortunately you haven’t read a comic in while because if you had you’d know that ‘Your’ real world isn’t quite what it used to.”

Freddy then used the power of his yellow lantern ring and created an energy construct that surrounded the blind teenager, blocking off her powers from the rest of the arctic.

As soon as Blindfold had been put inside the construct, Sinestro reappeared from the dimension that she had momentarily thrown him into. Sinestro then re-joined the match by heading over to his remaining enemies. He does this because he is watching Rockslide build himself up with every bit of ice from the ground around him. He is beginning to create a body construct that will be difficult for most creatures to destroy, I say most because even though Rockslide became quite large it only took Sinestro a single moment to completely shatter and destroy the New X-Men member.

Anole sees this and has his stomach drop, knowing that the end is near. He finally got back up on his newly regenerated legs when from out of nowhere; he felt a knife slice his throat from left to right. He then falls back to the ground where he is staring back up his killer’s burnt face. Freddy just stood over the bleeding body of Anole and quietly laughed to himself over what was such a humorous site to him.

Blindfold, who had been inside the yellow energy construct for a while now had all but given up when suddenly, it disappeared. She stood there with the knowledge that she was now the only member of her team left. As soon as she began to survey her surroundings though, she heard something quite short and simple out of the white lantern-wearing Horsemen.

Sinestro: “Remember, just like the old times.”

Freddy then smiled and rushed Ruth Aldine with everything he had and tore her from top to bottom, sending everything from her stomach to her lower intestines to the ground. If she could have cried she would have, instead she just gasped one last time and fell to the ground. As the two remaining members of the Horsemen stared down at the disemboweled teenage girl, Sinestro looked over at Freddy and said, “I know I told you to do that but damn, you really are one sick fuck.”

Sinestro and Freddy then walked away from the blood bath completely unscathed. Freddy was walking with a big smile while Sinestro started to wonder if he was really the best person to be wearing something as good and pure as the White Lantern ring.