Season 5, Week 6 Match: Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs. Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

“Permission to come aboard?”

-Joey Potter

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Week 6 Match located in Space.  They are as follows:

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers: Onslaught, Triton, Black Alice, The Stranger, Ultra Magnus, Magik, Starkiller, Zodac, Major Vance Astro, Charlie, Martinex, Yondu, Starhawk, Nikki and Aleta, Patriot, Wiccan, Hulkling, Hawkeye, Stature, Speed, Iron Lad, Lord Dread in Darkseid’s Destroyer, Black Lantern Black Adam, Vampire Sinestro, Prince Lotor, Damien Thorn with yellow lantern ring, Sharks with freakin' laser beams attached to their freakin' heads #1-3, Xenomorph #35, Ronald McDonald and Woodstock.

Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: Black Lantern Omega Supreme, Nosyarg Kcid, Ch'p, Dr. Ub'x, Space Usagi, Jotara, Air Zonk with Power Dump and Astra, Air Zimmell, Power Glide, Meriadoc Brandybuck (with a blue lantern ring), Beppo the Super Monkey, Skywarp, Tri-Eye, Bleez, Indigo Lantern #2, Black Lantern Phoenix (Rachel Summers), The Phoenix Force, Mouse Voltron, White Lantern Hal Jordan with green, red, and yellow rings, Aayla Secura and R-2 Unit #3 in a Z-95 Headhunter, Oppo Rancisis and R-2 Unit #4 in a Jedi V-Wing, Captain Power in a Tie Interceptor, Darth Talon in a Tie Interceptor, Richie Rich in a Tie Interceptor, Bowser:  King of Koopa (with Larfeeze's Orange Lantern Ring), Queen Aga' po, Black Lantern Shaun Poteracki, Joey Potter, Blip.

Let the Battle Begin. . .

Opening Skirmish. . .

Richie Rich flies in his Tie Interceptor, now displaying a diamond- enhanced exterior (made possible by Professor Keenbean). Damien Thorn flies toward the ship and is barraged by Rich’s weaponry.  Thorn, utilizing both his occult and ring powers, shrugs off the assault.  Thorn imagines a large demon-like projectile which strikes the ship.  The ship buckles, but Rich manages to fly away from the skirmish and toward. . . Black Lantern Black Adam, who rips the hatch off the top of the ship.  Rich is sucked out into the vacuum of space and dies, thinking happy thoughts of both Cadbury and Dollar. 

Phoenix Duo Dual. . .

Black Lantern Phoenix (Rachel Summers) and the Phoenix Force storm through space.  Black Lantern Shaun Poteracki and Skywarp fly alongside their superior allies.  They are met by Major Vance Astro, Charlie, Martinex, Yondu, Starhawk, Nikki and Aleta.  Black Lantern Shaun Poteracki manages to destroy Aleta, but Major Vance Astro and Yondu avenge their fallen comrade.  In the same instant, Skywarp kills Charlie, but is destroyed by Starhawk, Martinex and Nikki.  The Phoenix Force and Summers decimate the remaining Guardians of the Galaxy group, but are somewhat weakened in the melee.   Nonetheless, the two press on, but in different routes.    

Melee of the Megas. . .

A pitched battle ensues between the Transformers.  Ultra Magnus and Black Lantern Omega Supreme come to repeated blows, each more devastating than the previous ones.  The two robots severely damage one another.  Nonetheless, Omega Supreme’s black lantern powers come into the play and give the edge to the Midget’s robotic force.  Ultra Magnus is destroyed, but at the cost of crippling Omega Supreme.  This gives the Stranger an edge over the black lantern.  Using the power cosmic, the Stranger unleashes a fury of blasts upon BLOS.  The robot is destroyed.  The Stanger then floats away, directly into the Phoenix Force.  The two cosmic powers rip into one another and destroy themselves in the battle.   

Darkseid’s Destroyer. . .

Lord Dread mans the “flying flagship of ultimate evil” a/k/a Darkseid’s Destroyer.  The Commando Squadron swarms the ship.  Thus, Aayla Secura and R2 Unit #3 in a Z-95 Headhunter, Oppo Rancisis and R2 Unit #4 in a Jedi V-Wing, Captain Power in a Tie Interceptor and Darth Talon in a Tie Interceptor face Dread.  Darkseid’s Destroyer is pummeled by the fighters, but due to its very nature, manages to destroy Oppo Rancis and R2 Unit #4, along with Aayla Secura and R2 Unit #3.  Captain Power locates a weak point in the ship, created by the barrage of the Midgets’ fighters. 

Captain Power:  My nemesis.  My destiny.

Darth Talon:  Captain. . . My Captain. 

With Talon’s inspirational words, Captain Power sacrifices himself and his ship as they barrel toward Dread.  Dread screams as he is struck by Power’s Tie Interceptor.  The chain reaction is exacerbated when Talon uses her own Interceptor to fire at the same instant the two ships strike each other.  Talon flies through the debris, once containing the living Dread and Captain Power.  Darth Talon is the lone survivor.

Ring Bearers. . .

Black Lantern Black Adam, Vampire Sinestro and Damien Thorn are overwhelmed by Ch'p, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Tri-Eye, Bleez, Indigo Lantern #2, White Lantern Hal Jordan, Bowser:  King of Koopa and Queen Aga'po.  Although a valiant attempt is made, BL Black Adam is destroyed by Tri-Eye, Bleez and Queen Aga’po’s combined effort.  Vampire Sinestro is killed by White Lantern Hal Jordan and Indigo Lantern #2.  Damien Thorn is killed by Ch’p, Meriadoc Brandybuck and Bowser    Nonetheless, although victorious in their battles, the mortally wounded- Ch’p, Bowser: King of Koopas, Meriadoc Brandybuck and Indigo Lantern #2 die shortly afterward.   

Aboard the Malevolence. . .

Prince Lotor, Zodac, Ronald McDonald and Woodstock stand on the bridge of the Malevolence. The Dope Fiends are standing in front of two tanks, containing the laser-beam equipped sharks. 

Woodstock: iii    iiii    ii   iiiiii     iii    iii    iii  [Translation incomprehensible]

McDonald:  What is that McNugget saying?

Prince Lotor:  Does it matter?

As Ronald is about to respond, the ship pitches as Beppo the Super Monkey rips off the Malevolence’s doors and the main compartment loses pressure; Beppo’s teammates storm through the chaos that ensues.  Beppo races toward Xenomorph #45, which is flying toward the airlock and with his tail, rips off the alien’s head.   The sharks rise from their tanks and spot Joey Potter, who is being protected from instant death by a special spacesuit created by Dr. Ub’x.  Joey walks along the floor with magnetized boots.  Woodstock flies at Joey’s face and distracts her from noticing that Laser-Beamed Shark #3 has her in its sights.  The beam fires and a hole is blown through her heart.  Joey dies and is stuck to the floor by her metallic boots.  Space Usagi and Jotara come through the hatch and manage to reach the tanks, breaking them and watching the sharks swim-float away into space to their deaths.  Magik teleports herself and Starkiller near the two warriors and with her soulsword and his lightsaber slashes and slices the pair apart; Usagi and Jotara die.  Mouse Voltron comes upon Zodac and kills him, but loses its own life to Hulkling and Iron Lad who are now on the scene with their Young Avenger teammates. 

Blip rushes at Ronald McDonald, looking to rip the clown’s face off. 

Ronald McDonald:  What you want is what you get [Slogun: 1992-USA]. . . you damn dirty ape!!!

Blip and McDonald tussle.  McDonald manages to throw Blip across the way.  Just as Blip is about to jump on Ronald’s face, Hawkeye shoots a well-placed arrow through the monkey’s skull.  Blip dies.   McDonald looks at BL Phoenix, who has entered the ship with her ring bearer brothers, Bleez and Tri-Eye.  McDonald pulls down his pants.

McDonald:  There’s nothing quite like a McDonald’s [Slogun: 1980’s-U.S.A.]. . in you’re a$$!!!

White Lantern Hal Jordan puts the clown out of his deranged misery.  He then looks at Woodstock, who is flying toward him.  Before the Peanuts bird can reach him, Air Zonk crushes him in his bare hand.  Black Alice siphons Magik’s powers and the two women teleport next to Air Zonk, who is now with Power Dump and Astra.  It is only a matter of moments before the duo bests the trio.  The pair then destroy Air Zimmell, since AZ is a b.s. character in the first place.

Final Battle. . .

The Malevolence is careening out of control, but the combatants make the best of the circumstances by trying to balance the close-to-zero-gravity area with their foes viciousness at the same time.  Currently onboard the starship are Onslaught, Triton, Black Alice, Magik, Starkiller, Patriot, Wiccan, Hulkling, Hawkeye, Stature, Speed, Iron Lad and Prince Lotor, as well as from the Midgets, Nosyarg Kcid, Dr. Ub'x, Beppo the Super Monkey, Tri-Eye, Bleez, Black Lantern Phoenix (Rachel Summers), White Lantern Hal Jordan and Queen Aga' po.  The ring bearers- Tri-Eye, Bleez, BL Phoenix, WL Hal Jordan and Queen Aga’po smash through Black Alice, Magik, Prince Lotor and Starkiller.  The Young Avengers manage to kill Nosyarg Kcid and Dr. Ub’x.  As they are about to set upon the duo lanterns, Tri-Eye and Bleez, the hull rips apart as well placed shots by Darth Talon’s fighter and Power Glide devastate the ship.  Pressure, once again, is a real factor in this battle as Patriot, Wiccan, Stature, Hawkeye and Speed are torn from the ship and out to space, where they die.  Iron Lad, Hulkling and Triton focus their battle on Tri-Eye and Bleez.  The Midget pair is eventually killed by the sheer determination of the trio.  The well-placed firings of Talon and Power Glide kill Iron Lad.  Hulkling, knowing that he will die in the effort, manages to leap on Talon’s Tie Interceptor and rips it apart.  As Hulkling rips the top from the ship, Talon slashes her lightsaber and cuts Hulkling’s head off before being sucked into space to her death.

Onslaught uses his powers to destroy Power Glide before its attempt to blast the mutant and then dispels with Queen Aga’po.  In turn, Beppo jumps on Triton, and with the assistance of the two remaining lanterns, kills Triton. Onslaught easily dispels with Beppo.  White Lantern Hal Jordan utilizes all of his rings against Onslaught.  Black Lantern Phoenix takes advantage of the weakened Onslaught and destroys him, but not before he takes her with him by ripping the ring from her finger.