Season Five, Week 7: Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make A New Family vs Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make A New Family are: Monarch, Black Racer, Ravager, Dark Supergirl, Black Lantern Kilowog, Aslan the Lion w/green lantern ring, Emperor Palpatine, Sith Lord #1: Darth Feline, Red Lantern Guy Gardner, Hoist, The Jokester w/ his pet monkey Harley Quinn, Mr. Majestic, White Lantern Batman, (Kingdom Come) Red Robin, Juggernaut, Zombie Mike Sroka, Little Goomba #64, and Queen Frostine w/blue lightsaber.



Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is: The Serpent, Skadi: Herald of the Serpent: Merged w/ Shao Khan, Kuurth: Breaker of Stone: Merged w/ Gimli, Nul: Breaker of Worlds: Merged w/ Beast Wars Megatron, Skirn: Breaker of Men: Merged w/ Princess Leia, Nerkkod: Breaker of Oceans: Merged w/ Nightsister Sith Witch #1, Mokk: Breaker of Faith: Merged w/ Blanka, Greithoth: Breaker of Wills: Merged w/ Marv, Angir: Breaker of Souls: Merged w/ Beast Man, Mandalorian Justin Oblak w/Gears of War Lancer, Matrix Twins #1 w/Green Lightsaber, Matrix Twins #2 w/Green Lightsaber, Movie Scorponok, Black Bolt w/Mace Windu’s Purple Lightsaber & Green Lantern Ring, Steel Superman w/Blue Lantern Ring, Mike Vick w/FLASH Rocket Launcher, and Zombie Mr T.



Ahhhhhh… See now this is how I should have been watching all this season’s matches to begin with. Sitting here in the Mandalay Bay Sportsbook with a nice chilled glass of Red Stag Whiskey and I’m just about to fire up a beautiful looking Fuente Fuente OpusX Perfecxion #2. As I take a long draw from my cigar I look up and notice the two members of the opposing teams are actually in line waiting to place bets. The Mike duo, Zombie Sroka and Vick, are in separate lines luckily, as I do not feel like dealing with anyone upsetting my wonderful evening here. They both place their bets and take a seat far away from each other. Now, of course, I too have already placed several bets on this upcoming match. What? I’m not a referee, nor an active combatant. So what if I place a few wagers?! Oh get off your high horse.



Alright, the match is getting under way now. As the battle begins, the sportsbook quickly begins to fill up. The concept of legalizing gambling for the FFL was a stroke of pure genius on the part of the Commissioner. The various televisions that spread across the wall feature different battles that are taking place all around Las Vegas.



Television #1: White Lantern Batman and Kingdom Come Red Robin find themselves in a vicious battle with Black Bolt and Mandalorian Justin Oblak inside Planet Hollywood. The two ring-slingers are actually not really using much of their rings’ powers, but rather in just a knock down drag out fight. Mandalorian Justin Oblak takes to the air via his rocket pack and fires his Gears of War Lancer at KC Red Robin, who leaps behind a row of slot machines. Sparks go flying as the slot machines are ripped apart by the gun fire. Justin then rockets back down and tackles KC Red Robin onto a craps table. Robin kicks him off, but Oblak leaps back to his feet as they engage each other in the “Pleasure Pit.” KC Red Robin uses the stripper pole as leverage and swings around, kicking Justin square in the head and knocking his helmet clean off. This dazes the Mandalorian for a moment, but to buy himself some time, he grabs a stack of casino chips and whips them at KC Red Robin. This allows him to regain his footing and blast KC Red Robin clean in two with his lancer. He then looks over to the escalators that lead up to the Mezzanine and sees White Lantern Batman knock Black Bolt down to the main floor. Black Bolt retaliates by coupling his sonic scream with his Green Lantern ring. The blast blows White Lantern Batman back into the restaurant, Strip House, which is located up in the Mezzanine. Black Bolt flies up there and finishes him off with his purple lightsaber.



As they leave, Justin turns to Black Bolt and says, “Pfft. F’n White Lantern.” This actually makes the normally solemn Black Bolt crack a smirk.



Sweet! I actually had the Kennelz winning that match up. Too bad so did Mandalay Bay, they were the favorites and I only won $3.00 off of it. The cashier even tried to tell me that the bet wasn’t really worth it considering who was combating. Oh cool, they’ve got the Worthy up on the big screen. I’ve got big money on those hammer wielding pussies getting taken out by my girl Dark Supergirl.



Television #2: Dark Supergirl and Skirn/Princess Leia have already leveled much of what was once Paris as Juggernaut deals with Mokk/Blanka in the middle of Las Vegas Blvd. Dark Supergirl is smacked right in the chest by Skirn’s hammer and is sent skipping across the Bellagio’s lake, just as their fountains are starting up. The fountains have been choreographed to “Duel of the Fates” by John Williams.



(I’m kind of bummed that I’m not there to witness it in person, because they have LED lights illuminating the various fountains to mimic lightsaber. But there is NO WAY I’m getting out of this seat, I’m too damn comfortable.)



Juggernaut rips the hammer out of Mokk’s hand and drives it through his chest killing the duo. He then finds himself being attack from behind by Kuurth/Gimli. The Breaker of Stone senses that Juggernaut is the true worthy wielder of his hammer and flees the body of Gimil just as Juggernaut runs him over. Juggernaut looks over at the hammer as it lies on the street and feels an overwhelming sensation to reach down and pick it up. Right as he does so, Kuurth possesses his body and now one of the Super Kitties strongest combatants is now under the control of the Kennelz.



Dark Supergirl goes to fly out of the Bellagio’s lake, but Nerkkod/Nightsister Sith Witch #1 grabs her by the ankle and drags her back down. The cameras don’t really show much and I was busy ordering another drink, but when I looked back, I saw Dark Supergirl tossing the carcass of Nerkkod up onto the street. She then focuses back onto Skirn but is blindsided by her own teammate. Kuurth/Juggernaut smashes her down to the ground with his hammer, bringing it down several more times. The force from the blows causes the windows in the Bellagio, to shatter, as well as most of the ones in Bally’s. Skirn join in and the duo eliminates Dark Supergirl from the battle.



Goddamn it!!! That should be illegal! Dark Supergirl had that fight won! I’m filing a petition with the Commissioner tomorrow. Kuurth shouldn’t have been able to do that with the Juggernaut. *sigh* Ok, lets see what else is going on. Alright, here we go.



Television #3: Emperor Palpatine and his new apprentice, Darth Feline, are squaring off against the Matrix Twins over in Caesar’s Palace. The twins draw both of their lightsabers and attack the Sith Lords. Palpatine has taught Darth Feline well in their short time together. She hit Matrix Twin #1 with a massive bolt of Sith Lightning which fries the Twin even in his ghostly state. Palpatine then flips over the blackjack table and drives his red lightsaber into the other twin’s face, thus ending the quickest match up yet.



Dang, looks like a lot of people took the Sith to win that one, there is a flood of people going up to the cashiers. Personally, I knew they’d win and the payout just wasn’t there for me. Now Zombie Mr. T battling The Jokester? That’s a match I’ve got some cash on. Where is that fight anyways? Crap it’s all the way over in the corner. I can barely see it. Oh for crying out loud, I missed it. Hey buddy, is that Zombie Mr. T eating the Jokester and his monkey? It is? Arrgh, I lost again too?! Waitress! Yeah, bring me another one. Make it a double. What? Yeah put it on my tab. Ok, back to the action. What else do we have here? Hmmm, this looks promising. Black Lantern Kilowog is way out by the Stratosphere taking on Movie Scorponok and Steel Superman.



Television #4: Black Lantern Kilowog makes extremely quick work of the Decepticon as Steel Superman finds some cover behind the Stratosphere. The former Green Lantern is laying waste to everything around him, but he is then hit from behind by a stream of green energy. Black Bolt arrives and lends a hand to Steel Superman. The two of them hit the Black Lantern with a combination of Blue and Green energy that incinerates Kilowog, sending him back to the Graveyard. They are then attacked by Aslan the Lion and Mr. Majestic. Aslan attacks Steel Superman, whose Blue Lantern ring is actually super-charging Aslan’s Green Lantern Ring as Mr. Majestic knocks Black Bolt into the Stratosphere, causing to come crashing down. The Superman wannabe takes on last year’s Universe Bowl MVP and is doing quite a good job at it too. He picks the Inhumans’ King and launches him all the way down the strip to the Mirage. He crashes into the faux volcanoes, but survives the attack. The Kherubim Lord’s massive ego then gets the better of him as he arrogantly stands before Black Bolt who is down to a knee. Black Bolt uses his Green Lantern ring to hold Mr. Majestic in place and pulls him close. He then uses his powers to explode Mr. Majestic’s head by screaming directly into his ear.



As Black Bolt drops the Kherubim to the ground, he sees Aslan the Lion eating the intestines of Steel Superman. He tries to stop Aslan, but is attacked by yet another member of the Super Kitties, the Black Racer. This time, Black Bolt’s winning streak comes to an end in Vegas, as Black Racer with but a touch kills the Inhuman.



Well that didn’t bode well for the majority of people in this sportsbook. Looks like pretty much everyone had Black Bolt surviving here. Hmmm… well almost everyone. Zombie Mike Sroka is stumbling over to the cashier’s counter and appears to have won a hefty sum off of this death. And now it appears to be the main event. It looks like everyone from both teams is converging on the MGM Grand. Monarch is standing high above the Strip, perched up on top of the MGM Lion (which bears a striking resemblance to Aslan if I do say so). But yet even higher up, The Serpent, along with his herald Skadi/Shao Khan stands atop of the hotel/casino itself. Ravager and Hoist are ripped apart rather viciously by Nul/Beast Wars Megatron as Queen Frostine tries to attack Angir/Beast Man and fails, even though this is her final outing. The Breaker of Souls grabs a hold of her and ferociously bites her head off.



Skirn is knocked off of her feet by a green energy blast from Aslan as he flies into the fray. The two tangle as Red Lantern Guy Gardner spews red rage energy all over Greithoth/Marv. Guy then couples his red rage with a blast of green energy powered by pure will. This however is actually quite counterproductive as the Breaker of Wills smashes through the energy with his hammer and then brings it down on Gardner, crushing his skull. Greithoth then sees that Skirn is actually being overwhelmed by the Christ allegory. The Breaker of Wills steps in front of the green energy blast and begins to walk closer and closer to Aslan. The lion intensifies is attack on Greithoth, and there is a massive explosion of green energy that bursts through the battlefield. Once the green vapors dissipate, the only sign of either combatant is the charred hammer of Greithoth.



Emperor Palpatine and Darth Feline begin to make their ascent to the roof of the MGM Grand, where The Serpent is overlooking the battle. Darth Feline wastes no time and lunges at Skadi as the Emperor and the Serpent start to circle each other. Sparks fly as the Sith Lord’s lightsaber clashes with Skadi’s hammer. Palpatine moves much quicker than the older brother of Odin was expecting and hits him with a powerful blast of Sith Lightning, as well as driving his lightsaber directly into the chest of Cul.



The crowd here in the sportsbook is split about 50/50 with this battle. There were quite a few groans as well as cheers when Palpatine hit this move. Anyways back to the fight. Hey waitress. Yeah of course another one.



The Serpent looks down at the lightsaber sticking out of his chest. He then looks Palpatine in the eye and begins to laugh. The laugh grows louder and louder as the Serpent pulls the lightsaber out of his chest and strikes Palpatine down with his own weapon. This action breaks Darth Feline’s focus from Skadi, which proves fatal. The evil Asgardian gods defeat the Sith Lords as the match wages on.



Black Racer streaks through the air and without hesitation, destroys Zombie Mr. T as he munches on Little Goomba #64. As he rips through the air, he is thrown from his skis as Nul grabs a hold of them and fires Black Racer to the ground. Angir then leaps on top of him and violently claws his back apart.



Monarch then surveys the scene and sees that other than Juggernaut, who is currently under the control of Kuurth, he is the last member of the Super Kitties. He makes is stand known and vaporizes Kurrth/Juggernaut with a powerful energy blast. Mandalorian Justin Oblak then flies up to Monarch, takes his helmet off and spits right in Monarch’s face. Not entirely sure what happened to Justin after that, because the instant after that, there was just a cloud of pink mist in front of Monarch. Monarch then leapt off of the MGM Grand Lion and thoroughly destroyed Angir. He then finds himself surrounded by The Serpent and the rest of the Worthy. Monarch tries to defeat them all, but is overwhelmed by their sheer might.



Ah damn it. I knew this was going to happen. Guys would you knock it off. Hey!! I said stop! Ok, well I guess this is part of the fight. Zombie Mike Sroka tried to take a bite out of one of the ho’s Michael Vick had brought into this sportsbook and Vick wasn’t too pleased with it. Vick fires his rocket launcher which destroys half of the televisions. And let me tell you, this crowd did NOT appreciate that. Zombie Sroka stammers towards him, but is blown apart by another rocket. Vick however is then quickly escorted out of the casino for causing such a scene. Well that was a pretty enjoyable day. I think I’m gonna continue hanging out here and watch a couple more of these battles. And by watch, I mean heavily bet on. Let’s see here, ok, can I get $100 on Logical Genocide and $300 on the Commandos. What do you mean they’re all over? It’s Saturday. It’s not? What day is it? MONDAY?!?! Are you kidding me? Wow.