Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers…. err Mitchell’s High Maintenance… I mean Mitchy’s Luminous Tentacle Warriors are Fezzik, Tigger, Betlejuice, Lucario, and Cowboy Curtis.

Team Sleeping Pussy is Hanover Fiste, Savage Dragon, Capt. Guts, Giant Man, and Den.


Welcome to Season 7 everybody and to the Staples Center, home to everybody’s favorite pro-basketball team The Los Angeles Clippers!! We have a packed crowd for tonight’s festivities, and by packed crowd I of course mean that there are nine people here other than Billy Crystal, who pretty much just lives here while he is hiding from The Academy Awards Committee and all the would be producers of City Slickers 3.

Let’s get down to the action…

Giant Man wins the jump ball against Fezzik and Capt. Guts gets passed the ball from Den to begin the game. It looks like this is going to be a low scoring match up today, because neither of these teams seem to have a perimeter game or any dribbling abilities, except of course for Cowboy Curtis who, do to the high levels of melanin in his skin was born with natural talent for the game of basketball (it’s science). He makes the only shot from the perimeter in the first quarter. Everything else is either a slam dunk from the extra bouncy Tigger or lay-ups from Savage Dragon and Giant Man.

Score at the end of The First Quarter: Tentacle Warriors 12 Sleeping Pussies 8

Team Sleeping Pussy is getting into foul trouble early as Giant Man keeps growing a little bit larger in each play, which isn’t really a foul; but the refs don’t really know what else to do about it. Capt. Guts is doing his best to keep his team under control; but the fouls are really getting out of hand. Especially since Hanover Fiste just received a Flagrant 2 as well as a technical when he just killed Lucario… Yes, Lucario is dead… In a basketball game. Lucky for The Team SP crew, The Luminous Tentacle Warriors are only shooting 48% from the line.

Score at the end of the half: Tentacle Warriors 33 Sleeping Pussies 24

Halftime Show: The Flaming Lips play a medley of all their hit songs. I.e. they just play “Tangerines”, then everybody forgets about them for another 15 years.

As the third quarter begins, the rough fouls continue. Hanover Fiste and Den both foul out of the game about halfway through the quarter, but they do manage to put some points on the board as well. Team SP’s points in the paint more than double that of The Tentacles, with their only real threat being Fezzik, although the giant does have 14 rebounds and 11 points. Tigger puts on quite a clinic in this quarter as well by scoring 15 just in the third. Cowboy Curtis did get a technical foul though when he pulled out his six shooter and shot Hanover Fiste in the face after he was ejected for getting his 6th foul.

Score at the end of the third quarter: Tentacle Warriors 62 Sleeping Pussies 57

More of the same ensues as this game comes to a close. Giant Man and Savage Dragon both foul out of the game leaving Capt. Guts to play out the last few minutes of the 4th quarter by himself (he actually didn’t do too bad, with only holding the The Tentacle Warriors to 8 points in those 2 minutes and 14 seconds). Although it was only against three of them after Beetlejuice was killed by the small mob of people watching the game, led by Billy Crystal who had hit the edge of sanity and insanity not just because he is the most annoying character ever created, but also because his basketball skills are just that atrocious. Tigger adds insult to injury by wrapping up the game with one more monster dunk, bringing his point total up to 42 for the night.

Final Score: Tentacle Warriors 87 Sleeping Pussies 70