Season 7 Week 1: B3 vs. Commandos

Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyotches are: Superior Spider-man, The Flash(Wally West), Triple H, The Rock, and REAL MAN.

President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus' Touring Battalion of Commandos are: Heimdall, Worf, Azeem the Moor, President Barack Obama, and Raquel "Rocky" Oprah Blue.

With a 360 tomahawk dunk, Real Man wins the game for B3 in dominating fashion. "BOW BEFORE REAL MAN!!!" he yells before...

"ERIC!!! GET OUT OF BED!!!" shouts Real Mom. Eric wakes to find himself in his usual surroundings, namely the musty basement of Real Mom. "ERIC!!! YOUR BREAKFAST IS GETTING COLD!!!" she shouts from the top of the stairs. "SHUT UP MOM!!! I KNOW THAT YOU DIDN'T MAKE ME ANYTHING!!! IT'S JUST A PLOY TO GET ME TO GO TO THE FFL MACTCH WITH THAT @SSHOLE NFG!!! REAL MAN WILL NOT BE DECEIVED!!!" he screams petulantly. "Come on Eric, I'm your ride and we need to get going. But I would be remiss if I didn't compliment you on your delicious eggs and bacon, Real Mom!" says NuFaGtu. A curious Eric slowly ascends the stairs. "EGGS? BACON? NO LIE?" asks Eric as he cautiously looks in the kitchen. Real Mom uses a FFL Brand Tazer on Eric's neck and down he goes. And by down, I mean falling backwards down the stairs. "Good job Real Mom, I'd do it myself, but that's technically Watcher interference." explains NuFaGtu. "I'll do anything to get him out of the house, he hasn't left since that Consolation round last year." admits Real Mom. "You poor thing. Just relax while I look after him for a few hours." offers NuFaGtu. "You're a saint." says Real Mom as Eric and NuFaGtu leave in a cloud of smoke.

B3 is walking the streets of New York in an attempt to find their basketball court. "Finally... The Rock.... has come BACK... to New York!" shouts The Rock for no particular reason. "Guys, I know New York, and we're heading in the wrong direction to get to Madison Square Garden. It's that way." advises HHH. "But that's not where we're going to play. I hoped to keep it a secret, but I guess the jig is up." says The Flash. "Where in the blue hell are we playing?" inquires The Rock. "Rucker Park!!! Isn't that awesome?" asks a giddy Wally West. "What in the blue hell is a Rucker Park?" questions The Rock. "It's only the world's most famous streetball park! Dude, legends are made there! Dr. J, Earl the Pearl, Kareem! All the greats! So much history..." beams The Flash. "We're the ones that are going to be history if we don't get there soon. Where is this place, you sub-human cretin!" demands Superior Spider-man. "Geez Spidey, when did you become such a jerk? We're almost there. it's just right up the street in Harlem." says The Flash.

B3 reaches their destination and sees Real Man handcuffed to a bench. He is eating pizza, no doubt supplied by the generous NuFaGtu in his eternal quest to get Eric to be quiet. He is watching the Commandos practice, and it is nothing short of amazing. Alley oops, behind the back no look passes, you name it. They play like they are the second coming of Michael Jordan, except for "Rocky" Blue, although she does have very sound fundamentals. Superior Spider-man breaks Real Man from his handcuffs and slaps the pizza from his hand. "Get up and stop embarrassing us, lest i thrash you, you sub-human cretin." says the Superior Spidey. Real Man stands incredulously. "REAL MAN WILL... MRPHPPPHHH!!!!" yells Eric as Spidey quickly webs his mouth shut.

B3 enters the court and Barack Obama greets them. "Glad you boys made it. Thought maybe you were getting a little intimidated by the location. Not exactly your part of town, if you get my drift." he grins. "No way, Mr. President. This place is legendary!" exclaims The Flash. The teams line up for the jump, but then B3 calls out an armed Worf. "What's the deal Barack? I thought that this was a friendly game." says HHH. "Worf, what are you doin?" laughs the President. "I'm confused, you said we were playing B-ball. I assumed that you meant Bat'Leth ball." says Worf brandishing his Klingon blade. "If he is allowed his weapon, I must also demand mine." adds Heimdall. "Guys, put away the weapons and let's ball!" commands Obama. Worf and Heimdall begrudgingly disarm and the game begins.

Heimdall wins the tip against The Rock, and gives a nice bounce pass to Obama. He lives up to his nickname "Obomber" and drains a nice mid-range jumper in Spidey's face. As a well-known trash-talker, Barack begins ripping into The Superior Spider-man instantly. "I love ya Spidey, but you're out of your league!' teases The President. The Superiorly short-tempered Spider-man immediately loses his cool. "I will give you all the thrashing of a lifetime, you sub-human cretins!!!" yells Otto...er...Pete. I don't see a jukebox anywhere, but I swear I heard a record scratch. The residents of Harlem do not take to kindly to Superior Spider-man's insult, and begin to storm the court in search of blood. "Oh boy, I think Spidey might have just unintentionally started a race riot! What do we do?" asks The Flash. He gets no answer. "...Guys?!?" Wally looks around to see that his teammates have deserted him. "Damn, I really wanted to play here..." says a dejected Flash before he speeds off into the distance.

"Well, unfortunately, I think that's a wrap. Did any of you see what happened to Eric?" NuFaGtu asks of The Commandos. Azeem the Moor turns to NuFaGtu with an explaination. "Good old Real Man. Eric crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of sh*t smelling foulness I can't even imagine. Or maybe because I don't want to." says Red, er Morgan Freeman, er Azeem. "Dammit Eric... At least he'll probably smell better than usual." rationalizes NuFaGtu as he begins his search for Real Man.