Season 7, Week 1: Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

The Super Kitties are: Kid Flash, John Grayson, Mary Grayson, (Kingdom Come) Hawkman, (Kingdom Come) Robotman.

The Murderflies are: Squirrel Girl, Larry Reamer: Jedi Master, Mr. Immortal, Big Bertha, and Flatman. 

   Season 7 is upon us, and what better way to start such a limitless competition than a sportsball game? Tonight, the Super Kitties and Murderflies will be performing on the greatest court in the known universe, the court from Space Jam 2. Due to a confidentiality agreement with Warner Bros. I can't describe it to you, but I assure you it's a life-changing sight to behold. The match begins as Flatman wins the tip off, and Big Bertha takes control of the ball. The opposition has some trouble working around her girth as she runs the ball down the court, but as she goes for a shot her stubby limbs fail to bend in the necessary directions, and the ball flops out of her sausage-finger grip to be picked up by Kid Flash. The rapid bounces ring out as he speeds into a lay-up for the first basket of the game. Squirrel girl takes the ball and zips past the Fail- er, Flying Graysons before stopping outside the 3 point line. Hawkman stands ready to block her shot, but she tosses the ball between her legs and dribbles with her tail. She swats the ball in Larry's direction but a blur takes it mid-pass as Kid Flash steals another two points for the Super Kitties. Things are looking bad for the GLA, but they're pretty much used to it. Larry alone is starting to look a little pissed. He takes the ball and moves out for a quick three point shot. Despite being a close personal bro of Luke Skywalker, his Jedi accuracy is thrown off by his frustration and the shot bounces off the rim. Guess who catches the rebound? A crack is heard as Bart Allen springs high off the ground, he comes down toward the basket and... BOOMSHAKALAKA! He's on fire! The friction from his game-breaking speed had the unfortunate consequence of causing him to burst flames on his third consecutive basket. He panics and runs circles faster and faster before vaporizing entirely, and the quarter ends as WB staff puts out the fire on their expensive property.

Quarter 1 Score: Kitties 6, Murderflies 0

  The second quarter begins and the Murderflies may be having a turn of luck now that the Kitties' ringer of a point guard died in a hilarious dunking accident. Robotman begins with the ball and passes it out to Hawkman who goes for a less incendiary version of the flying dunk. Flatman stretches himself up between Hawkman's talons and steals the ball in midair before passing it down to Mr. Immortal. With Big Bertha acting as a guard wall, Immortal makes it to the basket for his team's first two points. John and Mary Grayson pass the ball between each other as the opposition splits between them. Mary changes it up and throws the ball to Robotman, who flows between Larry and Squirrel Girl to sneak a lay-up in. Squirrel Girl takes the ball out next but The Flippin' Graysons keep getting up in her face. John intercepts between SG and Flatman and passes to Hawkman. When Hawkman leaps, Flatman goes for the same trick as last time but Hawkman dive-bombs through him like paper and sends the ball through the hoop. The referee halts the game and gives Hawkman a flagrant 2 foul. Hawkman makes a compelling argument for his unaccountability, but the referee can't understand his bird-screeches and has security remove him from the premises along with Flatman's paper-limp corpse. The Kitties are given two free shots, and Jedi Master Larry sinks them both as the halftime break is called.

Quarter 2 Score: Kitties 8, Murderflies 4

   The halftime show began and it was something terrible with Will Smith's kids. I had to get away from that so I went to get a stadium dog with a little stadium mustard, until I realized I was still at WB Studios and would need to find something else to waste my time and money on. Long story short, I "met a man about a horse" and things got a little out of hand. I just hid the bodies and now I'm back in time for the end of the last quarter.

Quarter 3 Score: ???

   The teams are currently tied up 16-16. I'm not fully sure what happened in quarter three, but Mary Grayson is gone and Big Bertha is on the bench crying and shoveling down ice cream, soaked in blood. Squirrel Girl, Larry Reamer, and Mr. Immortal remain on the Murderflies' side, and the Kitties are left with John Grayson and Robotman. With 45 seconds left on the clock, Squirrel Girl begins to run the ball toward her goal until Robotman slides by and steals the ball. Squirrel Girl summons the help of WB's squirrels, but they're absorbed into Kingdom Come Robotman's liquid metal body. Unburdened by their drowned cartoon bods, he throws the ball from half court to the basket. John Grayson does a flying somersault over his opponents and slams the ball for a dramatic game winning alley-oop as the clock runs out. Now, I have to go before somebody notices all the blood I tracked in from halftime.

FINAL SCORE: Kitties 18, Murderflies 16