Consolation Round 2: The Royal Highness vs. The Commandos

The Royal Highness is: Booker DeWitt and Elizabeth Comstock

The Commandos are: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Zhara Jolie-Pitt, Pax Jolie-Pitt, Knox Jolie-Pitt, Vivian Jolie-Pitt, Jen Lindley w/Star Sapphire Ring, Miley Cyrus w/Barack Obama's Blue Lightsabers, and Robin Thicke w/Barack Obama's Green Lightsabers.

At the bottom of Donkey Kong's elevator level, Booker DeWitt and Elizabeth Comstock arrived through a tear in the fabric of the multiverse. "Where the hell are we now?" DeWitt wondered. Elizabeth pulled out the Handlink to ask Ziggy about their latest leap. "Apparently this is some kind of world where ape-rape is a serious problem. All kinds, too, ape-on-woman, battery-mascot-on-chimp..." Booker threw his hands up. "Never mind, I don't want to know more. What kind of screwed up people come up with this stuff?" Miley Cyrus and Robin "Beetlejuice" Thicke approached from behind, accompanied by the Jolie-Pitt family (A.K.A. Clan Brangelina) and Jen Lindley. "I want to know more," Miley insisted, "that sounds super edgy and hot, just like me, right? ...Anybody? NOTICE ME!" Angelina Jolie joined the conversation "As a very important activist, I've spoken out against sexual violence in war. But that was in regards to humans, and giant cartoon apes are an endangered species. We need to protect his precious industrial breeding ground." Booker and Elizabeth shared a concerned glance. "You don't see a problem with this situation? None at all?" She pointed above them. "There's a tremendous monkey holding a woman prisoner up there. You're not about to do something about that?" Robin Thicke swaggered up to Elizabeth "Sounds fine to me, baby, that chick probably wants it. She's just an animal, it's in her nature. How about you, what're you up to later? I always wanted a good girl." Elizabeth wasn't impressed by his lyrical pick-up lines. In fact, she was fairly horrified by his blatant chauvinism and pulled open a tear she spotted behind him. From Donkey Kong Country, Rambi the Rhino came charging through the portal and knocked the Commandos from the girder like bowling pins. Jen Lindley flew up with her Star Sapphire ring and was greeted by a blast to the face from Booker's Mauser C96. Next through the portal was Winky the Frog, who they used to hop across the elevators. Upon reaching DK, Booker unleashed Alfred Hitchcock's nightmare with his Murder of Crows vigor and the ape was pecked to death as they rescued Pauline and beat the level.