S8W7: Commandos Vs. Slaves

President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus' Touring Battalion of Commandos are: Black Lantern Jar Jar Binks, Witch #1-5, Knights of Solamnia #1-6, Black Dragon #15, Red Dragon #3-6, Starship Trooper #100, and Phibian #11-20.

George Washington's Slaves are: Mer-man, Navy SEAL #21-27, Jedi Master #23C, Kryptonian Army Soldier #4-10, Pirate #16-20, Valkyrie #3 and #5-7, and Navy Sailor #20.

Level 7-2 from Super Mario Bros. is a water level in name alone because there is no way to drown. That being said, it is the best location for a battle between two FFL superpowers that will shake the foundation of the League for years to come! These two titans have both been the dominant forces on their teams for years, and this meeting has been long overdue. Of course, I am talking about The Slaves' Mer-man versus The Commandos' Black Lantern Jar Jar Binks! I'm sure this pulse-pounding battle will be the stuff of legends, but let's check in on the commons of each team anyway.

The Slaves and Commandos respective commons are gathered together, although nary a punch has been thrown. Instead, Kryptonian Army Soldier #4 is holding court.

Kryptonian Army Soldier #4: "So everyone has been briefed and agrees to the rules of 'Mutual Common Combat'?"

The assembled commons of both teams give various affirmations.

KAS #4: "Great! Now remember, the most important thing is that we all have fun out there! Ok people, let's get busy!"

The commons on both teams begin to playfully fight each other. Some opt for psuedo combat in the style of WWE. Some break out their finger guns to 'assassinate' their targets. Some simply play cards to determine their fate. Combatants begin to "fall" on both sides, but none have any fatal wounds. They appear to be playing dead.

Black Dragon has seen enough and confronts Kryptonian Army Soldier #4.

Black Dragon #15: "You're going down, Kryptonian scum! I'll be picking your flesh out of my teeth for weeks!"

KAS #4: Never! You are the one wh... BWAHAHAHAHA! Sorry buddy, I can't even stay in character when you get that melodramatic! How have you been, old friend?"

BD #15: "Everything is good on this end. In fact, things have been great since us commons got on board with the new plan. We're all going to die without a thought no matter what, so why actually experience the pain of death by combat? We just screw around until the match is about to end, then we play dead until the week is over. When the new week comes, we're instantly vaporized, and none of us feel any pain. And since most Watchers don't care about us, nobody even notices! What an awesome scam! Entertaining and painless? We can't lose! So which Slave do I have to thank for thinking this plan up? The guy is a genius!"

KAS #4: "We've been mulling it over for a minute now, but I think Gary the Pirate #17 originally came up with the idea. Or was it Gary the Navy SEAL #21? No, no... it was Gary the Jedi Master #23C! He's the guy!"

BD #15: "Wow, your team sure has a lot of dudes named Gary."

KAS #4: "Heh, no, that's not their real names. All of the Slaves' commons call each other "Gary". It's an in-joke between us from a couple years ago when our owner stopped by our headquarters. After he got done glad handing all of his "name" guys, he finally dropped in to say hi to us lowly commons. He stood up there and gave a long winded and pandering speech about how commons are the backbone of any good team, about how each and every one of us is important, blah blah blah. Then, at the end of it, he calls me "Gary", despite the fact that I have met the man more than once. Numerous times, actually. And everytime I had to correct him. My name is Alex! I have no idea where he even got the name from. I don't think anybody on our team is named Gary at all! So, needless to say, all the boys got a kick out of it, and since then, all the commons call each other Gary.

BD #15: "Oh man, that's too funny. The Commandos might have to steal that one!"

KAS #4: "Go for it, we can all be Gary! Uh oh, looks like our teams 'superstars' are about done with their 'epic' battle. I guess it's time for us to 'die'. Reach for the sky, pilgrim!"

BD #15: "Drop it, creep!"

PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!

The last two commons draw their finger pistols and fire until they both hit the ground, 'dead'.

Meanwhile, Mer-man swims furiously toward Black Lantern Jar Jar Binks. BL Jar Jar tries to swim to Mer-man, but is sucked into one of the levels many bottomless pits immediately, never to be seen again.