Season X Playoffs, Round 1: Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins vs. Striders of Rohan

Ahsoka’s Acrobatic Assassins are: Ethan Hunt w/Indigo Lantern Ring, Salaak, Dr. Manhattan, Sauron, Father of Mortis, Son of Mortis, Martian Manhunter, Miss Martian, Poseidon, Witch King of Angmar on his Fell Beast, Franklin Richards, Reverse Flash, Quicksilver, 12 Guardian Knights as Dragonstorm, Geonosian Spy in Geonosian Starship, Geonosian Drone in Geonosian Starship, Geonosian Soldier in Geonosian Starship, Freddy Kreuger, Chief, Mento, Elasti-Girl, Robot Man, Negative Man, Beast Boy, Elf #1, and Zombies #1-2.

Striders of Rohan are: Cyborg Superman w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Odin w/White Lantern Ring, Star Lord and Gamora in Star Lord’s Ship, Rocket Raccoon in Anakin’s Starfighter, Yondu and Kraglin in First Order Command Shuttle, Drax, Groot, Nebula, Mantis, John Stewart, Supreme Leader Snoke in Executrix, Kylo Ren w/Red Lantern Ring, Seaworms #1-9, Sandworms #19-20, Apocalypse, Captain Marvel, Balrog of Moria, Gandalf the White, King Kong, Black Flash, Adam Warlock, Circuit Breaker, Ghost Rider, Fremen #5 and #7-20, Xenomorph Aliens #8-15, Gondor Soldiers #1-15, and Goblins #1-4. It’s high noon on the Playoff Planet. The members of each team choose their battlefields, gather their courage, and are transported to the fight. [The City] (Assassins: Ethan, Manhattan, Franklin, Reverse Flash, Quicksilver, Chief, Mento, Elasti-Girl, Robot Man, Negative Man, Zombies) (Striders: CyberSupes, Drax, Nebula, Mantis, Black Flash, Warlock, Circuit Breaker, Ghost Rider) “I’m telling you guys, it was SO AWFUL! It smelled like sulfur and… and burnt pork chops. And the screaming, and their hands, clawing up at me, begging me to pull them out, it was just-” “Ethan, Jesus Christ. Here.” Quicksilver zips away and back in an instant, handing Ethan Hunt a candy bar. “Eat a Snickers.” “Why?” “Because, you’re kind of a weepy b**** when you’re hungry.” Ethan enjoys the delicious caramel, nougat, and peanuts of his Snickers brand candy bar, available in stores everywhere. His misty eyes steeled up. “Thanks Quicksilver, that’s better. Now I’m ready to not even look back at explosions. Praise Xenu!” A strong handful of the Assassins walk along the streets of the city, with the exception of Chief Niles Caulder, who rolls along. “If my calculations are correct,” he said, “the Striders will likely send their best straight into the city.” Reverse Flash rolled his eyes. “If MY calculations are correct, I’d say your only power is stating the obvious. Why are you here?” “I don’t know, I wish I had stayed in bed. I miss my legs.” Doctor Manhattan, in the lead, holds up a hand to silence his group. “Wait. It’s time.” A heavy laser blast crashes toward him, barely leaving him time to create a gap in his body to avoid destruction. It passes through him and in to Chief, who is reduced to a pair of smoldering legs atop a sizzling wheelchair seat. Cyborg Superman floats down from above. “Well, that was an impressive dodge, Smurf boy. How many more teammates are you gonna let me kill to save yourself?” Manhattan is unfazed. “How many teammates are you going to hide instead of facing us head on? Let me see… seven, correct? It’s a shame they aren’t more valuable combatants.” Superman shoots an icy glare at Manhattan, turns back, and says “You hear that, everyone? Big Blue doesn’t think you’re valuable.” His allies appear from side alleys and buildings, filing in behind him. “This is entirely untrue,” Drax declares, “I’ve been told exactly how much I’d be worth in a slave market, or if I were to sell off my organs.” Quicksilver does a quick headcount. “I see six, you said seven. Where’s number seven?” A moment later his head is on backwards, and Reverse Flash’s head flies off from the maxilla upward. Black Flash comes to a stop next to Cyborg Superman, grinning past his thin, decaying lips. A terrified Franklin Richards begins to scream, “No no no no NO!” A wave of energy ripples through the city, and Black Flash begins to move into action. His speed, however, has been reduced to a mere jog, as Franklin’s powers have capped off the speed of the Striders. Without the Speed Force, Black Flash was only a fitness enthusiast zombie, and his rotten joints fell apart as soon as he ran. Despite being slowed, Cyborg Superman’s ring fed on Franklin’s fear, and he blasts back the Assassins with a screaming burst of yellow light. Manhattan remains standing and attempts to tear Cyborg Superman apart. His Kryptonian physiology is tough for even Manhattan to unravel, and the two struggle against each other’s superhuman power as their remaining teammates charge to the fray. [The Skies] (Assassins: Salaak, Martian Manhunter, Miss Martian, Geonosians) (Striders: Star Lord, Gamora, Rocket, Yondu, Kraglin, John Stewart, Snoke, Captain Marvel) High above the planet, the Striders patrol in search of airborne foes. The skies are quiet and things are fairly boring, until Captain Marvel taps on the window Star Lord’s ship. Starlord “Carol? Is something wrong out there?” “Maybe, hard to say. I think you guys are gonna want to hear what we’re up against.” Carol boards the ship in silence. “So…? What’s this big bad threat?” She smiles. “Me.” Miss Martian drops the disguise, and before Star Lord and Gamora can draw their weapons, she shatters their minds and drops them to the floor. Stepping over their bodies, she takes control of the ship. Across the sky, Martian Manhunter has phased into the Command Shuttle and taken it from Yondu and Kraglin, and together the two fly their ships in a pincer attack on Rocket’s ship, phasing out before the fatal impact. “Excellent work, M’Gann. Let us end this quickly.” They fly off in unison toward the Executrix. John Stewart and Captain Marvel have just seen the horrific explosion and made their way toward the fight, and Salaak flies between them. “Stop right there, Stewart! I can’t allow you to-” Captain Marvel smacks Salaak away like a fly as they proceed, and his shattered body spins out into the void. They nearly reach the Executrix, but the Geonosian Starships swing around the side of the tremendous spacecraft and unload suppressing fire on them. Captain Marvel goes down, but John Stewart won’t be stopped and uses his ring to bash all three ships as they circle him. He boards the Executrix, only to see the Martians standing over a slaughtered Snoke. They turn to see him, and before they can react he flies off through the ship. They chase him down, all the way to the ship’s engine room. Cornered and facing impending destruction, he begins to smash wildly into the engines, unleashing a tremendous fireball. The Martians light up like paper, burning to ash. The Executrix blows apart like a string of firecrackers, but as the smoke and debris clears, a bubble of shielding Green Light is flung from the ship and goes plummeting through the planet’s atmosphere. [The Ocean] Poseidon stands proud in the waters, treading water, surrounded by 9 dead Seaworms. “PITIFUL MORTALS”, he shouts, “HAVE YOU NO GREATER CHALLENGE TO OFFER THE MIGHTY POSEIDON?” His call is met with nothing but the sound of splashing waves. “...Anyone?” [The Desert] (Assassins: Son of Mortis, Freddy Kreuger, Father of Mortis) (Striders: Kylo Ren, Sandworms, Apocalypse, Balrog, Fremen) Son and Father have sensed Kylo Ren’s powerful Force and tracked him to the desert where he and Apocalypse waited in a sandstone fortress formed by the powerful mutant. Kylo, too, sensed the approach of these god-like Force users. As they arrive at the fortress, accompanied by Freddy Kreuger, the Fremen and Sandworms begin to swarm them while Kylo and Apocalypse look down from the fort wall. The Sandworms erupt from the ground and surround the Assassins, but together, Father and Son unleash a wild storm of force lightning, destroying the full crowd. They turn to the wary Fremen, and Father waves a hand at them. “Sleep now” he commands, and they stumble and fall to the ground asleep. Freddy flashes a wicked smile and clacks his claws. “Now we’re talking!” He vanishes momentary, and in moments the Fremen are all mutilated in various creative ways that would take too long to detail individually. Son shouts up to Kylo “Now, little coward, come face the TRUE power of the Dark Side!” Kylo’s ring flashes and he snarls back at Son, “Face THIS, you fool!” The Balrog bursts through the wall of the fort, and crashes a whip down, slashing Son and Freddy into the sand. Father lifts his hand to the Balrog and brings it to its knees. He raises another hand, brings them together in fists, and quickly snap them apart. As he does, the Balrog’s head tears off from its body, its flames extinguished. Enraged, Kylo jumps down from his perch to prove his dark powers against the embodiment of the Force’s balance. He swings his lightsaber, but Father catches it with a bare hand. Kylo screams with anger, and as his ring reaches peak charge, he spews a torrent of acid bile from his mouth. Father melts away, but Kylo isn’t a true Red Lantern, and the burning vomit destroys his body as it emerges. Apocalypse chuckles and turns his sights toward the distant city. [The Forest] (Assassins: Sauron, Witch King of Angmar on his Fell Beast, Dragonstorm, Beast Boy, Elf #1) (Striders: Odin, Groot, Gandalf The White, King Kong, Xenomorphs, Gondor Soldiers, Goblins) In the forest, chaos has taken over as trees turn and fall to the forest floor. As Groot skewers the Goblins attempting to chop him down with their little axes, King Kong charges Dragonstorm with a giant tree he’s uprooted. Though he batters mighty Transformer, his fleshy gorilla body can’t withstand a direct blow from Dragonstorm’s axe. The Transformer looks down to the little tree-man fighting below him, and takes him out with a quick upward swing, slicing him down the middle. The Xenomorphs of the Striders swarm Dragonstorm, climbing up its body and tearing at its chassis. Sauron towers over his forces, commanding them from the rear. He orders the Witch King to strike down the Xenomorphs crawling on Dragonstorm, but as he does their acid blood seeps into the amalgamate of transformers and fries his circuits to a mass of goop. Gandalf rallies the Gondor soldiers to charge the Dark Lord, as the Witch King flies in to challenge Gandalf himself. Sauron erects a magical shield against his assailant, but the Witch King refuses to relent. Odin, meanwhile, takes out the mighty green bear known as Beast Boy and runs to Gandalf’s aid. He drives his spear through the Fell Beast’s throat, throwing the Witch King to the ground. As Gandalf drops his shield, an arrow flies from across the field. In a distant tree beside Sauron, a single Elven ranger sniper has taken aim and shot down the powerful wizard. The fifteen Gondor Soldiers have surrounded Sauron, but he effortlessly smashes them down one by one with his mace. Odin begins to charge him, when suddenly, a huge green orb smashes into the ground like a meteor. Both parties look on in surprise as John Stewart rises to his feet in the crater. The Witch King attempts to approach him, but Stewart reacts quickly and guns down with green machine gun fire. Sauron finishes the last of the Gondor Soldiers pestering him, points his mace to the sky, and summons a hail of meteors from the sky. Stewart throws up a shield of light above himself and Odin. Odin raises his spear high, imbuing it with the white light of his ring, and calls out “Odin OWNS you, writhing specter!” He flings Gungnir at Sauron and it pierces through the Dark Lord’s armor, pinning him to the ground. The Elf, still hiding from the tree, blows another arrow through John Stewart as he focuses on blocking the last of the meteors while Sauron’s body burns away with white light. Odin runs for his spear, dodging the continued flurry of arrows. As he pulls it from Sauron, another arrow flies toward his face. Gungnir’s runes glow as he lifts it, and he sweeps the spear in the air, knocking the arrow away. He gives it another toss, piercing the sniper and dropping him from the treetop. [Back in the City] Cyborg Superman has broken free of Manhattan’s grip, but Franklin has still slowed the Striders, making it difficult for the Cyborg to land a blow on the matter manipulator. Negative Man has emerged in his shadow form, leaving his body inert behind a dumpster. He creeps up on Franklin, hoping to blow him apart, but suddenly the shade shudders and blinks out of existence. Behind the dumpster, the Assassins’ own zombies have found the unconscious Negative Man and gone to town on his brains. Circuit Breaker makes an attempt on Manhattan, but the lost member of the Blue Man Group has acute awareness and transforms him into a toaster. Drax and Adam Warlock have torn apart Elasti-Girl and Robot Man, but Mento has telekinetically dismantled Nebula. Mantis crawls on to Ethan Hunt, but the overwhelming guilt he feels for his actions last match are still buried beneath his mind despite the chewy, satisfying Snickers candy bar. Her mind overloads from his feelings and she goes down in a grand maul seizure. Cyborg Superman gives up on Doctor Manhattan for the time, instead charging for Franklin Richards, the boy’s fear fueling his yellow lantern ring. Doctor Manhattan, his mind racing at supercomputer speed, rearranges the neurotransmitters in Franklin’s brain, effectively curing him of his terror. In that instant of perfect clarity, Franklin encases himself in a shell of kryptonite. Superman has no time to react as he collides with Franklin, his body withering and shutting down. However, the kryptonite doesn’t block Ghost Rider’s Hellfire as it brings the terror right back to Franklin, consuming his fragile young soul. The remaining Striders in the city stand no chance against Manhattan as he begins to dissolve them atom by atom. As Drax, Warlock, and Ghost Rider all begin to unravel, Gungnir flies through the air. Manhattan catches the spear and turns to see Odin and Apocalypse. “What an amusing little trick,” Apocalypse muses “I wonder how easy it is.” Apocalypse points to Manhattan, and he turns back into a normal, nude, flesh colored man as his body turns to mush. Odin strides up, retrieves his spear, and casually approaches the defenseless remainder of the Assassins. [Back in the Ocean] Poseidon floats on his back, staring at the sky, a sad look upon his face. “Does anyone even worship me anymore? I think they’ve all forgotten me…” A strange smell and a greasy feeling hit the despondent deity, and he notices the water has been turned to oil. On the shore, Apocalypse fires a laser from his eyes, boiling the sea of peanut oil he’s created. Poseidon and the marine life alike are all flash fried. Odin takes a deep whiff. “Thank you friend, it’s been some time since I’ve enjoyed a good fish fry… wait. Are those our sea worms and some sort of giant floating out there?”