The Gender Neutral Midgets vs. Barkley's Turrible Decisions

Midgets: Magneto, Mr. Mxyzptlk, Yoda w/ White Lantern Ring, Vampire Batman, Omega Supreme, Emperor Palpatine w/ Orange Lantern Ring, Neo w/ 2 White Lightsabers, Han Solo (pilot), Chewbacca (co-pilot), Peppy Hare (gunner), Slippy Toad (gunner) in Outlaw, Lando Calrissean (pilot), Nien Numb (co-pilot), Lobot (gunner), Falco (gunner) in Y-1300 Light Freighter, Achilles, Queen Aga’po, Luminara Unduli w/ Green Lantern Ring, Barriss Offee w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Black Lantern Batman, Indigo One, Monk, Sinestro w/ Yellow and Green Lantern Rings, Darth Maul w/ Red Lantern Ring, Star Wolf w/ Double Red Lightsaber in Sith Fighter, Star Fox w/ Blue Lightsaber in Z-95 Headhunter, X-23 w/ Red Lightsaber, James Madison w/ Speed Ring in AT-RT, James Monroe w/ Darksaber on Nazgul #9’s Mordor Horse

Barkley: Batman, Robin, and Alfred w/ Green Lightsaber in Modern Age Batmobile, Boba Fett and Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho in SLave 1, Mace Windu, Deadpool, Star Sapphire, Yellow Lantern #1-2, Guy Gardner, Alan Scott, Fortress Maximus,  Fortress Maximus’ Head, Fortress Maximus’ Head’s Head, Q, Q2, Lady Q, q, Colonel Q, Quinn, Tom Bombadil, Smaug, Treebeard, Ents #1-2, Balrogs #1-5, Spectre

Well, before I even start this match, let’s just point out...HOLY SHIT Josh, how many lightsabers do you have? You’d have to kill more padawans than Bad Anakin to get that many. He also has enough lantern rings to start his own corp. Dave does have a good amount of the Q Continuum on his side, that has to be worth something.

Before the teams even meet to start fighting, Slave 1 drops two seismic charges on top of its teammate, Mace Windu. Sorry Dave, looks like Boba is still pretty mad about his dad.

There are some necessary rivalries to go down in this matchup of midgets and turrible decisions. Big robot vs. big robot, Han Solo vs. Boba Fett, Queen Aga’po vs. Star Sapphire, Batman and his posse vs. 2 Batmans and Monk? Oh boy, this is one matchup I’m glad to witness, folks.

Q takes charge of his team quickly, as he is clearly intellectually superior to them. He starts it slow, sending in Ents #1-2, Balrogs #1-5, and Treebeard. Yoda, known for his wisdom and his natural height fitting perfectly into the team’s name, takes charge of his group of misunderstood shorties and retaliates with Luminara, Barriss, and Darth Maul to tear things up with their flashy sticks. Maul, from a distance, tosses his double edged saber like a badass slicing up Ents #1-2. Treebeard is infuriated with the loss of his ancient buds, takes one fell sweep and kicks Barriss into a cement wall, instantly smashing her skull. Luminara, unfazed by the loss of her padawan since she was accepting to lose her before she even got her, makes way towards the Balrogs. They are mighty foes, but nowhere in size comparison to the mighty Balrog of Moria (which sadly isn’t here today, but we’ll just have to make due). Quick work is made of Balrog #1 and 3-5, but #2 is on his last life and is ready to go in style. He grabs Luminara with his whip, and with his breath of flame, conjures up so much heat inside his body, that he implodes and takes her along with him. Maul is so enraged he didn’t get to kill the two jedis, that, with his Red Lantern Ring, he projects a blast of rage in which Treebeard cannot withstand and it over shoots also taking out Yellow Lantern #2.

Yoda decides to one up this Q guy and sends out Omega Supreme. You don’t even have to see this bad boy to know, he’s one big ass dude just from hearing the name. Unexpected from the midgets, Turrible Decisions sends forth Fortress Maximus. Now this guy’s so big, he has a head for his head. Oh wait...Magneto just came and took all the fun away, crushing the metal beast, Fortress Maximus, to one big clump and throwing him away like the wrapper of a Taco Bell loaded griller. You know Magneto, sometimes you should just let things play out, have a huge guy fight, and it’ll be a cool story, but stopping it before it happens works, too. Deadpool disapproves of this non-cinematic dude and slices his head clean off before he can even react to stop the incoming metal sword.

Hmm, weird, Gotham just happens to be a city on this luxurious playoff planet, how convenient. Now the batmans-batmen? I don’t know which way is correct, but it’s one of them. Now they can have their fun. The Modern Age Batmobile zooms across the streets in search for these other lurking Batmen, I’m gonna go with Batmen, who stalk from the shadows. At the least expected moment, Black Lantern Batman jumps at the Batmobile, but Batman quickly reacts and shoots him out of the air. Black Lantern Batman lose both arms, but regains both due to the power of the ring. Astonished, passengers of the Batmobile don’t notice Vampire Batman sneak behind and drop two grenades obliterating the Batmobile, but of course Batman, Robin, and Alfred escape in a fashionable way. Deadpool approves, that was cinematic. Vampire Batman needs to feed, he’s getting weak, but he doesn’t want to suck the life of his beloved butler. Alfred has had enough, and like the badass he is slices Vampire Batman to shreds. Black Lantern Batman, on the contrary, doesn’t give a crap about his past life before the ring and completely destroys Alfred. With the combined power of Batman and his trustee sidekick Robin, they take down the malevolent being, finally letting him rest.

Let’s take a look to the sky where we see Slave 1 try to hold off Outlaw, Y-1300 Light Freighter, Sith Fighter, and Z-95 Headhunter. Slave 1 is able to take out Z-95 Headhunter, but not long before Outlaw shoots it right out of the sky. As it’s crashing to the ground, it hits Y-1300 Light Freighter and they hit the ground in one big explosion. Achilles, sadly is hit and is instantly burned to the bone and dead. Smaug decides to take a leave from his overly rich mountain to help the Turrible Decisions and takes one big bite of the Sith Fighter, causing a crash landing. Deadpool is loving the action, prefers a bit more swearing and comedy, but is spot on with the violence. Smaug turns to take out the Outlaw, but is stopped in his tracks by James Madison in his AT-RT take shots at the impenetrable scales of the beast. Unfazed by the attack, Smaug takes one deep breath and sends his fiery breath destroying the former president. Han Solo noticed a gap in the scales when Smaug took his deep breath. Being a fast shooter, takes the Outlaw into position and fires. He landed the shot perfectly and the beast explodes from the shot.

Q has had enough of this senseless violence, he has seen all and experienced everything in the universe. He has no motivation to live any longer because there is simply nothing left for hi  to do. So therefore he kills himself, which throws the entire Q Continuum off balance. This off balance created weapons of destruction that could even kill a Q and damaged subspace to the extent of Q no longer having their powers and immortality. This leaves Q2, Lady Q, q, Colonel Q, and Quinn back into mortal forms.

Yoda sees this imbalance, and immediately jumps to his advantage. He sends in Neo, Queen Aga’po, Indigo One, and Sinestro. Neo makes quick time, doing his fun superman thingy. Queen Aga’po and Indigo One get stopped by Star Sapphire and Yellow Lantern #1. Sinestro is cut short by Alan Scott and Guy Gardner. Neo is able to easily take down the 5 remaining Q since they’re mere mortals to The One. Sinestro thinks he can feed off the two Green Lanterns fear to strengthen himself, but the two have too much will for him to conquer. Guy Gardner and Alan Scott work together in the Green Lantern way, and take down the man who followed the wrong path. Unlike her valiant teammates, Star Sapphire is not enough with the help of Yellow Lantern #1 to take down the two purple colored gem wielders. Indigo One and Queen Aga’po over take the weak common and Star Sapphire.

Yoda decides to now send in the rest of the lanterns, unaware what Turrible Decisions has in store. Darth Maul, Indigo One, Queen Aga’po, and Emperor Palpatine travel forward, curious of who is left to greet them. The two Greenies, Alan Scott and Guy Gardner, step forward, closely followed by Batman, Robin, Tom Bombadil, and Spectre. Monk sees Batman come forth and quickly comes to the battlefield to face is enemy. Tom Bombadil starts singing:

“Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo!

Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!

Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!.....”

The song conjures forces unknown to the knowledge of lantern bearers. Monk becomes entangled in roots and is strangled to death. A bubble of a vacuum is created around Maul’s head, strippping him of oxygen and soon dies. The two Green Lanterns make a quick attack of the purple gem holders. Caught off guard, Indigo One is taken down with no problem, But Queen Aga’po is too powerful and Guy Gardner’s ring must now find a new host. Before she can take Alan Scott too, the powerful song gathers enough water from the nearby lake and engulfs the Queen, and drowns her. Before the song takes hold of Emperor Palpatine, he tries a Starkiller move, but does not execute perfectly, so instead of surviving, he sends a force blast that vaporizes himself, Tom Bombadil, Alan Scott, James Monroe, and Robin.

Batman is horrified to see his sidekick dead, and becomes a man on a mission. He goes after Neo and outmaneuvers him enough to send a batarang right into his neck, killing the blind God of a human. X-23 is not far behind her teammate and slices Batman in half with her adamantium claw. Deadpool doesn’t like this copycat of Wolverine and decides to finally intervene. In quick movements, the hysterical contract killer cuts X-23’s head clean off, just like he did in the after credits to himself in Deadpool 2.

Spectre, being just an all powerful universe destroyer, as Conner would say, is able to easily take out Omega Supreme and the Outlaw form the sky. All that is left is Spectre and Deadpool versus Yoda and Mr. Mxyzptlk. In a glorious battle, the outcome is Yoda killing Deadpool, Spectre killing Yoda, and Mr Mxyzptlk killing Spectre.