Season XI National League Playoffs Round Two

Mistaken Small People: Omega Supreme, Yoda’s Spirit w/ White Lantern Ring and 5th Ring of the Dwarf Lords, Atrocitus, Starscream w/ Orange Lantern Ring, Black Lantern Magneto, He-Man, Battle Cat, Neo w/ 2 White Lightsabers, Count Dooku w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Achilles, Queen Aga'po, Luminara Unduli w/ Green Lantern Ring, Barriss Offee w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Symbiote Suit Spiderman, Mother Talzin w/ Indigo Lantern Ring, Nightsister Spirit, Nazgul #9 on Fell Beast, Sinestro w/ Green and Yellow Lantern Rings, Ganthet w/ 3rd Ring of the Dwarf Lords, Sayd w/ 4th Ring of the Dwarf Lords, X-23, Super Saiyan Conner Weidman w/ Blue Lantern Ring in Conner’s Overpriced Mazda, Zombie Predator... and now all of Josh’s vehicle assignments... Lando Calrissean, Nien Numb, Lobot, & ALF in The Millennium Falcon; The Mandalorian, The Child w/ a Blue Lantern Ring, & Quill in Mando's Ship; Vorian Atreides & Kobe Bryant w/ Indigo Lantern Ring in Apache Helicopter; James Madison w/ Speed Ring, James Monroe w/ The Darksaber, Tyrion Lannister w/ The 1st Ring of the Dwarf Lords, & Alexander the Great w/ Bucephalus are The Command Crew of Deep Space Nine, piloted by FA-4 & Slippy Toad; Falco & R.O.B. the Robot in Jedi V-Wing Star Fighter; Ratts Tyrelle in Naboo Starfighter; Richie Rich & Dollar Bill in a TIE Bomber

The First President’s Slaves #BLM: Gandalf the Grey w/ Elven Ring, Thor, Set, Godzilla, Iron Man, Colossus, Luke Skywalker in Luke’s Stealth X-Wing, Sandworm #1-3, Superman, Black Lantern Sandworm, Vampire Sandworm, Zombie Sandworm, Seaworm, Soundwave, Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Wingthing, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Glit, Enemy, Howlback, Garboil, Overkill, Slugfest, Agent Smith, T-1000, Orion, Dumbledore, George Washington, Santa, Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer

I'll note a couple pleasantries real quick. Believe it or not, but Chris actually played 9 more characters/groups than Josh. King Midget likes to make up height by making sure he assigns something to everyone and everyone to a vehicle so that the writer might just want to Jeffery Epstein themself after only typing the roster. Also, I get it, I was Chris 2.0 on the match, but it’s here now isn’t it. So just read, enjoy, and be happy I didn’t take till Christmas.

Act I: Fangorn Forest

The Midgets that approach are Yoda and He-Man atop of BattleCat, while the Elves are Gandalf the Grey, George Washington, and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. He-Man looks upon the enemy and scoffs, “This is it? Three old white dudes, this will be easy.” Yoda Insists, “Underestimate them, you should not. Very powerful wizards, two of them are.” He-Man neglects what the ancient Jedi Master has said and charges full speed atop BattleCat to slice the old guys up like a Thanksgiving turkey and succeeds with the powerless slave owner, but Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore stuns He-Man with the Stupefying charm which Gives Gandalf time to ironically slice He-Man with Glamdring. BattleCat without a rider is then struck with the killing curse by Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Yoda, now aware he cannot take on both power wizards due to the stupidity of his teammate, sits down to meditate. The wizards approach slowly, expecting a trap. As soon as Yoda senses them to be within range, he uses his power to allahu ackbar the White Lantern Ring, which kills himself and Gandalf, but Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore stands alive due to already putting up a Protego totalum spell before arriving to Yoda.

Act II: Sands of Arrakis

Count Dooku, Mother Talzin, Nightsister Spirit, Zombie Predator, and Achilles approach from the Midgets, while Sandworm #1-3, Black Lantern Sandworm, Vampire Sandworm, and Zombie Sandworm arrive for the newly freed slaves due to Washington’s death. I don’t really know how to break it to the Midgets, but c’mon, that’s a lot of sandworms. I’m sure y’all can take a couple down, but all of them…? Anyways, Zombie Predator takes the lead with Achilles and Nightsister Spirit close behind, and out of the sand comes Sandworm #1-2 Instantly devouring half of Nightsister Spirit to each Sandworm. Achilles takes a quick stab through Sandworm #1’s brain and Zombie Predator shoots an energy weapon down the throat of Sandworm #2. Black Lantern Sandworm and Vampire Sandworm arise and avenge their fallen brother Sandworms, each eating Zombie Predator and Achilles in one bite. Dooku charges but his form two dueling strategy is of no use against such beasts and is swallowed by Black Lantern Sandworm, but is not digested fast enough to stop him from igniting his lightsaber and tear the Sandworm up from the inside, which kills them both. Mother Talzin sees Zombie Sandworm approach, but she is gifted in the art of the dead and puts the Sandworm back in the grave it belongs. Vampire Sandworm and Sandworm #3 jump out of the sand towards Mother Talzin and Sandworm #3 is able to make a killing move, while the Vampire side of the other Sandworm takes effect as the sun is blazing causing Vampire Sandworm to burn to ash.

Act III: Mega City

For those unaware, Mega City is the city from the Matrix, not Zion the real life city, but the city inside the Matrix. I can’t not make this the setting when I’m gifted with Neo versus Agent Smith. It could be a hate crime if I didn’t properly respect the upcoming duel. Although some battle must occur before, such as Kobe’s helicopter crashing by itself killing Kobe and Vorian Atreides #riprapist. After that, the players in the city are Starscream, Black Lantern Magneto, Neo, Symbiote Suit Spider-Man, Nazghul #9 on Fell Beast, Conner in his over priced Mazda, and X-23 for the Midgets. The House Elves are Godzilla, Iron Man, Colossus, Agent Smith, T-1000, and the 16 transformers that you can look up in the roster cause I’m not rewriting them again. They all got smashed into a ball by Magneto anyways, sorry metal bots. Magneto also crushed Iron Man, Colossus, and T-1000 because they’re all made of metal. It’s not looking good for the Elves, but Godzilla swipes down Starscream and the Fell Beast like flies. As Godzilla tramps through the city, Conner zig zags in between the feet of the monster trying to find an attack point. He is driving quite successfully until he misshifts and stalls the car out, which leaves him unmoving for Godzilla to trample through. Symbiote Suit Spider-Man thinks of an idea he saw in this movie once and starts shooting webs around the legs of Godzilla until the beast falls over for X-23 to be standing in the wrong spot and is crushed, but not before her claws are out enough to slay the mighty Godzilla. Agent Smith took this time to sneak up to Magneto and Spider-man and morph them into himself. He is then able to have Neo just to himself, “It’s just you and me, Mr. Anderson. Now why don’t we make it fair and you give me one of those White Lightsabers.” Neo obliges and tosses a laser sword to the ground. Agent SMith makes the first swipe, but it’s of course deflected by Neo. They continue going blow for blow, each blocking every attack, the two being so evenly matched. They go hours of fighting without either of the two gaining on the other. Agent Smith stops for a second to speak, “We can’t go forever, Mr. Anders…” and before he can finish, Neo stabs him through the heart with his saber, catching Agent Smith off guard. Before the final breath leaves his mouth, Agent Smith, stabs Mr. Anderson back, and they die together in each other’s arms. Agent Smith’s death releases Magneto and Spider-Man from his grasp and are the two survivors in the city.

Act IV: Waters of Mon Cala

I can see neither teams respect the water aspect of the playoff planet, but that’s ok, I can force it a little bit. The Elves play a Seaworm, and The Midgets nothing, so I force the Master and Padawan duo Luminara Unduli and Barriss Offee into the depths of the sea. The two Jedi may have fancy water suits but are still vastly inferior in speed to the Seaworm. The Seaworm moves full speed towards the duo unaware of the Green and Blue Lantern Rings they possess, in which they use to grasp the Seaworm with claws they fabricated and drag it into their cool glowy sticks. 

Act V: Milky Way

For what the Midgets lack in water, they make up for in space with The MIllennium Falcon, Mando’s Ship, Omega Supreme, Deep Space Nine, Jedi Starfighter, Naboo Starfighter, and TIE Bomber. The House Elves bring Set, Luke’s Stealth X-Wing, Orion, and Superman. Set and Omega Supreme start into a huge battle. During the excitement, Luke’s Stealth X-Wing is able to land inside Deep Space Nine and mess up the whole crew single-handedly including the pilots, but is unable return to his ship in time before Deep Space Nine crashes into The TIE Bomber and Naboo Starfighter and all explodes into a fiery death. Two gods come from the Elves, one a new god and the other considered a god by the people of Earth. They Move towards Millennium Falcon, Mando’s ship, and Jedi Starfighter. The ships realize they cannot destroy Superman, so instead focus fire on Orion and are able to rip him to shreds with lasers before Superman smashes the ships like a trash compactor. While this all occurred, the battle between an immovable object and an unstoppable force ended in both retiring to death, leaving Superman as sole space survivor.

Act VI: Ozone Layer

The Midgets really like rings in this one with Atrocitus, Aga’po, Sinestro with both Yellow and Green Lantern Rings, Ganthet with a Dwarf Ring, and Sayd also with a Dwarf Ring. The emancipated people of Washington are Thor and Santa with crew. Santa looks upon his list and checks it twice, noticing Atrocitus to be on there Santa transforms Atrocitus into an ant and smushes him with his hand. Thor flies head on to Ganthet and Sayd and is able to conjure lightning to vaporize one and then smash the other with mighty Mjolnir. While Thor celebrates his victory, SInestro uses the power of the two lantern rings to create a canon to vaporize Thor from existence. Before Santa sees Sinestro move to the naighty list, Aga’po and Sinestro move quickly to combine their power and kill the deceptively powerful fat man and his special deer.

Act VII: The Final Countdown

Those remaining for the Midgets are Black Lantern Magneto, Symbiote Suit Spider-Man, Luminara Unduli w/ Green Lantern Ring, Barriss Offee w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Aga’po, and Sinestro w/ Green and Yellow Lantern rings. The Elves have Superman, Sandworm #3, and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Magneto moves to release rage upon the Sandworm and conjures up metal spikes and sends them soaring through the worm from all directions. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore comes to avenge and sends the Killing Curse towards Magneto but he dodges and the curse strikes Spider-Man in unlikely timing for the web slinging spider. Magneto retaliates by sending metal towards the old man, but Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore turns the incoming metal to sand, becoming harmless to him. Superman flys in on the distracted Magneto and heat visions through the metal bender’s skull. Although the Lantern and Sapphire Corps are separate, they come together in unison in order to try to take down the great wizard and daunting Superman. Sinestro, thinking he can do it alone, charges before the others in an attempt to feed off the two’s fear. By the time he realizes Superman and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore contain zero fear in either of their bodies, it is already too late and Superman flies over and rips the two ring bearer in half. Whilst this occurs, Barriss and her master have been feeding their two Rings together enough to create a blast no spell can protect against and it obliterates Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Even with the fact that it is a 3 vs 1, team Midgets know the fight is not over. Aga’po attempts to use the violet light of love to make Superman fall in love with her. His mind is strong and he tries to resist and starts to lash out, killing Aga’po instead of showing her the love she wanted, and then moves towards the Master and Padawan. Superman grabs hold of the Padawan and chokes her until life leaves her body. Master Luminara feared the death of her beloved Padawan, this led to anger, which led to hate for Superman, and hate to suffering. Luminara falls into the Dark Side at the sight of Barriss' death, becoming Darth Luminara. Having no longer to hold back to uphold Jedi ideals, Darth Luminara uses pure rage in a frenzy towards Superman, Superman unable to react in time catches a Lightsaber across the throat and is beheaded…

Week 2 Playoffs: The Striders of Rohan Vs. Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight

The Striders of Rohan are Visas Marr, Magneto, Wolverine (w/ a red lantern ring), Yondu in a TIE Silencer, Kraglin in Leia's Stealth X-Wing, E2 Batman, E2 Catwoman, Ragnarok, Ancalagon the Black, Gothmog the Barlrog, Batwing, Scorpion, Scorpion, Azula, Rage, The Leader, Nazgul #2 on Fell Beast, Gandalf the White (w/ The White Lantern Ring), Samwise Gamgee (w/ a blue lantern ring), The Gladiator, Mr. Incredible, Dash, Jack-Jack, Fro-Zone, Legolas of the Woodland Realm, Spoiler, Baron Mordo, Brother Blood, Liu Kang, The Comedian, The Blob, IG Bounty Hunter in a X-Wing, & Baron Zemo.

Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are Darkseid, Dark Supergirl, Wonder Woman (w/ the Sword of Light), Wonder Girl, Aquaman, The Deputy Lanterns: Green Lantern Ganthet, Blue Lantern Flash, Orange Lantern Lex Luthor, Red Lantern Mera, Yellow Lantern Scarecrow, Indigo Lantern Ray Palmer, & Star Sapphire Wonder Woman, The Capt. Marvel Family: Shazam, Mary Marvel, Capt. Marvel Jr., Eugene Choi, Pedro Pena, Darla Dudley, & C.C. Batson, The Injustice League: Ultraman, Superwoman, Owl Man w/ Talon in a 1980 Mustang GT, Johnny Quick, & Power Ring, Emperor Joker, Capt. America (w/ a blue lantern ring), Axe Cop w/ Wexler, Ranx the Sentient City, General Zod, Ursa, Non, Honored Matre #1, & Giant Hammer Bros. #1 & 2.


On Day One of the long siege of this epic battle, The Hungry Dino-Mites received word that Ragnarok was coming. Emperor Joker, not realizing that Ragnarok was just the name of this dude dressed like Thor, became jealous and destroyed the majority of the Playoff Planet before anyone else could. What is left of the Playoff Planet is comparable to the aftermath of a #BLM Protest; but not the sugar-coated Livonia type, the kind that the news doesn't want to show you. That scorched remnant of the once great city is where this battle takes place.

Hell bent on the domination and destruction of the Playoff Planet, Emperor Joker caused the Planet to begin folding in on itself. Shrinking and shrinking until it will eventually only be big enough for him. Mix this with the gravitational pull of the shrinking planet sucking Ranx the Sentient City ever closer to the surface. Disaster is sure to take place. One of these teams desperately needs to win this match before both of them are destroyed along with the planet. For a short time the teams even considered working together to undo the work of the Joker. The Leader began to develop a plan; but all of the sudden developed a pair of demented smiley faces on his corpse. One on his mouth and one on his large brain. This eventually led to Darkseid murdering his own teammate Emperor Joker in an attempt to stop the madness from destroying their own team as well; but the damage could not be undone.

Owl Man and Talon are ripping up the already ripped up streets in their souped up 1980 Mustang when it comes to an abrupt halt. The Super Villains see a man with a red helmet standing before then who is effortlessly overriding the horsepower pumping through the car's motor. They reach for their utility belts; but before they can, Magneto uses his powers to lift the car into the air and crush Owlman and Talon inside.

The Blob stands strong as Ursa flies in fast and hits him with a building leveling punch. The Kryptonian seems shocked to see the seemingly out of shape mutant take a hit from her. She tries a few more times but is unsuccessful. Ursa then takes back to the air and sends as much heat vision as she can muster directly into the blob. When the flash of light subsides, only a burnt form remains where the Blob once was. As dead as the mutant is, at least he didn't move.

The Comedian was about to say something really funny, but before he could; General Zod smashed in his face.

Ultraman and Superwoman enter the scene with an arrogance that they have never had a problem backing up against their opponents. Superwoman takes flight at the sight of Gothmog; but fails to evade the sting of his fiery whip. He uses it to grab a hold of the evil version of Wonder Woman, who is unable to break free. He then uses his massive black axe to obliterate her. Ultraman starts flying around all ultra-like when Azula jumps in and starts firebending like cray-cray. And then some other stuff happened and Azula won the fight VERY EASILY. Now, I hope you are all paying attention, because Josh just had a Kryptonian lose to an Avatar character. So don't hate on my Anime knowledge.

Rage looked a lot tougher back when his head was still attached to his body, Axe Cop fixed that for him though.

Ragnarok's hammer may not be a true Asgardian fixture; but it did seem to work for caving in the skull of Wonder Girl.

There isn't much water left on the self-destructing Playoff Planet; so after Aquaman came to shore he met with Greta Thunberg to see what they could do about fixing the Changing Climate. “HOW DARE YOU EMPEROR JOKER” they proclaimed in unison. Greta spoke first to the teary eyed crowd; but when Aquaman took the stage, he was shot in the neck by an arrow from Legolas. As Legolas left to join the fight, the Social Justice Warriors took to Twitter to demand he be CANCELLED immediately. Luckily Elves don't have smart phones.

Speaking of woke culture, Batman and Catwoman of Earth 2 team up with Batwing; but Batwing and Catwoman all of the sudden decide that they can't handle taking orders from a white man. Batman goes off and disappears into obscurity a victim of his own depression and anxiety, while Catwoman and Batwing go get a house in the city and begin urban farming for an LGBTQ+ Collective Commune. They are unfortunately both killed later in a home invasion after the police were defunded.

Baron Mordo should have an edge over Non, due to the Kryptonian susceptibility to magic; but before we can see that play out, Non delivers a flying face kick to Baron Mordo that sends him back to Transylvania.

The Incredibles have certainly lost their friendly and playful edge after the atrocities they have witnessed during this last FFL Season. With the women folk from their team dead, Mr. Incredible and his team are Hellbent on having revenge and have taken to a fierce training regiment to insure it. As the Capt. Marvel family gets together to formulate a plan, they are hit by a sneak attack from the remaining Incredibles. Fro-Zone, Dash, and Jack-Jack savagely light up the room of Shazam sidekicks while even Shazam finds himself overpowered and strangled my Mr. Incredible.

Capt. America doesn't believe in using deadly force; but he makes an exception when he sees his old buddy Baron Zemo out of the corner of his eye. The only good Nazi is a dead Nazi Cap says to himself as he sends a well placed shield into the neck of Zemo.

Liu Kang has a good sparring match with the Honored Matre; but makes fairly short work of her. The two Scorpions (Marvel and Mortal Kombat) team up and deliver quite a sting to the much larger Giant Hammer Bros.

Wonder Woman and Wolverine are locked in an epic melee battle and have been for some time. We shall return to that later.

Magneto is one of my favorite characters of all time, and I really wanted him to blow up in this match; but I don't see any metal characters anywhere. So, instead he got his head punched off by Dark Supergirl.

Power Ring and Johnny Quick are the last two members of the Injustice League, but they too meet their demise at the hands of The Striders. Power Ring is taken off guard by the Force Powers of the blind; but very powerful Visas Marr, while Johnny Quick wasn't quite fast enough to get away from the large maw of Nazgul #2's Fell Beast.

The Striders may have taken out quite a few of the Dino-Mites heavy hitters already; but they know that they haven't really began a push if they can't take out Ranx: The Sentient City. The plan they had formulated to take out the planet moving towards the Playoff Planet involved Brother Blood, Azula, and Ragnarok doing what they could to weaken the most powerful of all the Yellow Lanterns while their space vehicles did the rest; but Ranx easily absorbed the attacks of the trio, sending that power back tenfold killing Blood, Ragnarok, and Azula with ease. Yondu now knows that this mission has been dropped upon him..... Yondu flies in the lead in his TIE Silencer with Kraglin and IG Bounty Hunter flanking him in standard attack pattern in their X-Wings. Their strafing runs are doing next to no damage; so they begin to execute one last ditch effort to give their team the chance they need to take it all the way to The Universe Bowl. IGBH locks on to the strongest power source within Ranx and takes one for the team by crashing his X-Wing into the exact location after arming all 4 advanced missiles and both Proton Torpedoes. Once the crash hit, IGBH activated his self-destruct mechanism for an extra bang. With this damaging diversion, Yondu and Kraglin fire everything their ships have and lock onto the source of Yondu's arrow which the blue pirate directs with his whistling into the heart of Ranx blowing him up from the inside.

Darkseid, despite all of his wisdom and power is beginning to grow nervous by the push of The Striders. He thought his opponent's team was weakened, he thought they were on their last leg. Little did he know that that last leg was so sturdy. As leader of the Dino-Mites, Darkseid has been trying to get the Deputy Lanterns to lead the charge against The Striders; but they refuse to work as a team and are not as impressive today as he had hoped. With these thoughts going through his head, Darkseid witnesses Gandalf: Empowered by his unified lantern power in the White Ring strike down Yellow Lantern Scarecrow. As the ring leaves the body of Scarecrow and begins to search out its next wielder, Darkseid snatches the ring out of the air and puts it on his own finger. Darkseid uses the ring to communicate to the other Lanterns telling them he has come up with an excellent plan to unify their powers and win the battle. The Lanterns all meet with him in a safe position in what was once the desert and await the plan. Darkseid walks up slowly and peacefully, with his hench(wo)man Dark Supergirl at his side. He then apologizes for their own inability to unite and for he, finding out how easy it was via Emperor Joker to kill his own teammates when they got in the way. With these final words, Darkseid hits the Deputy Lanterns with a continuous stream of Omega Beam killing them all. Darkseid and Dark Supergirl then quickly collect the rings before they can fly away and Darkseid greedily puts them all on his right hand forming a giant glove of pure energy (kind of like a Gauntlet.... (What?!!? (I just thought DC should copy off Marvel for once))).

General Zod, unaware of Darkseid's plan is wondering what is becoming of his team. But this does not stop he and Ursa from flying in fast and taking Yondu and Kraglin out of the sky by rocketing through their respective ships after they reentered the Playoff Planet atmosphere fresh off their victory over Ranx. From their the two Kryptonians attempt to aid Wonder Woman who has had her pitched battle against Wolverine disrupted by Visas Marr who has recently joined the fight on Wolverine's side. Ursa first has her heat vision blocked by the lightsaber of Visas, but is then destroyed by the freeze breath of Zod. Wolverine is then triple teamed by three extremely strong fighters in Wonder Woman, Ursa, and Zod but they find themselves amazed at how difficult he is to kill. Wolverine's berserker rage is fueled by his red ring as he sticks his left claws into the chest of Ursa and is able to use the right to slice through her neck despite the hardened Kryptonian skin. Ursa falls; but Zod and Wonder Woman find a way to get past his healing factor as they manage to each grab a hold of Wolverine and pull until he is ripped in half at the torso. They then throw his pieces to opposite sides of the continent.

Nazgul #2 is flying through the air atop his Fell Beast when they are surprise attacked by a flying T-Rex and a lunatic on top of it. Axe Cop leaps off the top of Wexler and chops the head off of the Fell Beast, while Wexler bites the Nazgul in half. Wexler then catches Axe Cop before he hits the ground.

Cap and The Gladiator square off in an incredible battle of melee combat, but the Gladiator is never able to land a sword blow on Cap. The Gladiator, thinking that Cap had thrown away his only defense had his sword knocked from his hand when Cap's shield made the return trip to its owner's hand. Cap was then able to knock him to the ground and put a leglock on his neck to finish him off. Cap stands up to see a frightened Samwise Gamgee ready to fight with his dagger in one hand and cast iron pot in the other. The two blue lanterns nod as they begin to do battle. “You are noble indeed little one; but I do not think you have the skill to defeat me”.

Sam retorts: “I never thought I could beat you Cap. I was just hoping I could”....

With those words, the two blue rings send a light so bright that it blinds Cap for a fraction of a second. When Cap regains his vision he sees Sam's dagger enter his chest.

The newly empowered Darkseid and Dark Supergirl finally rejoin the scene and immediately begin going on a killing spree. Many Striders start rallying to the cause thinking with a decent sized teamup they can take this duo out before they turn the tides of the match, but not quite enough Striders take up the call. In a whirlwind of energy projection and earth-shattering punches, Darkseid and Dark Supergirl finish off Mr. Incredible, Jack-Jack, Fro-Zone, and Dash before making short work of Spoiler, Liu Kang, and the two Scorpions. Even Samwise the brave enters the battle, but much to his dismay inadvertently charges Darkseid's green ring and suffers a massive energy blast from The Ruler of Apokolips.

As the teams begin to dwindle, the remnants of the two squads meet in the desert wasteland that is basically all that remains of the self-destructing Playoff Planet.

Ancalagon the Black swoops in from on high; but is met by Non who has no fear of the beast. The lobotomized Kyrptonian powers through the attacks of the dragon and stuns it with a wicked punch to the face. Then, with strength second only to Superman himself, Non rips the head of the dragon clean off and drops it to the ground.

Gandalf the White squares off against Zod and Wonder Woman, while the unlikely ally of the White Lantern Wizard Gothmog is taking on both Dark Supergirl and her hyper-powered liege Darkseid. Axe Cop attempts to enter the battle via the air; but Legolas takes out his flying steed with a perfectly placed arrow into the mouth of Wexler.

Zod flies in fast towards Gandalf to open the attack; but all stand back in awe as the Kryptonian General is knocked back by the magical powers of The White Lantern Wizard. Gandalf then unsheathes Glamdring which has taken on such a bright white hue that it resembles a white lightsaber and uses it to cut General Zod in half at the torso. The Balrog General Gothmog, who stood at equal rank of Sauron the Deceiver in the Evil Army of Morgoth fiercely takes on both Darkseid and Dark Supergirl. It takes every possible power in their large repertoire for the residents of Apokolips to finish off the builder of the Empire of Mordor.

Legolas stands behind Gandalf, ready to fight; as Darkseid, Dark Supergirl, and Non join the fight already in progress. Gandalf sends a massive blast of power towards Dark Supergirl, taking advantage of the evil she has let creep into her soul and obliterates the cousin of Kal El. Darkseid chuckles at the death of his own partner and says: “That will not work on me bearded one. I am no Kryptonian. I have no such susceptibility to magic, and like you: I also wield the power of the full spectrum”.

Gandalf looks to Darkseid and says: “You were never meant to wield that power, agent of evil. And it will not work as your ally”.

The two clash in an epic battle causing blinding blasts of light to illuminate the darkened, dwindling sky. Darkseid knocks Gandalf to the ground, sending Glamdring flying from his hands and then hits The White Lantern Wizard with a volley of multi-colored power attached to his Omega Beams. A massive blast is heard and Darkseid looks to the foreground to see a massive crater before him where Gandalf once was. As the smoke clears from the crater, Darkseid is shocked to see Gandalf still standing at the bottom of it. Gandalf is glowing in a multi-colored rainbow of brightness as he grabs hold of his staff. The colors dissipate and return to pure white causing Gandalf to say: “I did not take these powers for selfish use, these powers chose me”. A blast of White energy then rockets from the staff of Gandalf leaving nothing but dust in place of Darkseid.

Such a show of force, has left Gandalf weakened; as he turns to his left to see Wonder Woman rushing towards him. The time has finally run out for the champion of The Striders as Wonder Woman stuns the Wizard by using The Sword of Light to cast Bolt 2 and attacks with it proper to run him through.

“NOOOOOOOO” is heard from the befuddled Legolas who has just witnessed shows of power that he still cannot believe. Legolas quickly avenges his friend and hits Wonder Woman with a flurry of slices from his Elven Short Swords.

Legolas, the last remaining Strider of Rohan squares off against the sophomoric, but brutally powerful Non and speaks to the Kryptonian. “Your power may exceed my own, but I stand ready to fight you. I may not wield the magic that is required to hurt you, but it flows through my Elven blood. I stand ready vile one, let us do battle”.

With these noble words still floating in the air, Legolas begins to move towards Non in attack, when he turns to a noise from behind him. “I WILL CHOP YOUR HEAD OFF”!! Is heard by the Elf, right before Axe Cop makes this act come to fruition.

FFL Playoffs Week 1

FFL Playoffs: Assassins Vs Striders

Assassin’s: Ras Al Ghul, Zombie Dr. Manhattan, Zombie 13, Zombie 14, Black Lantern Neo, Batzarro, Lady Deadpool, Kid Deadpool, Dog pool, Head Pool, Quicksilver, Vampire Dr. Manhattan, Witch-King on Witch Kings Fell Beast, Grandmaster Luke Skywalker, (Legends) Leia Organa, Havok, Freddy Krueger, Dromammu, The Monitor, The Ancient One, Poseidon.

Striders: Batman (Dick Grayson) and Robin (Damien Wayne), Apocalypse, Azula, Vampire Neo, Batwing, The Incredibles, Black Flash, Odin w/White Lantern Ring, Gandalf the White w/White Lantern Ring, Pippin, Supreme Leader Snoke, Ancalagon the Black, Mewtwo, Magneto, Wolverine/w Red Lantern Ring, Ragnarök, Balrog of Moria, Gothmog the Balrog, T-2, T-3.

Both Teams meet at sunrise for battle. Batman and Robin immediately move to take out Ras Al Ghul, who runs to separate the heroes from their allies. Neo from each team along with Batwing and Batzarro begin a pursuit into the City after them. Within the shadows, both parties begin exchanging attacks. With a swift move, Ras kills Batman, but before he realizes it Robin has him and he dies. Nearby Vampire Neo and Black Lantern Neo are in an intense martial arts battle, but neither can land a hit, but Black Lantern Neo has Vampire Neo on the back step. Before he knows it, Vampire Neo is exposed to sunlight weakening him enough for Black Lantern Neo to finish the fight. Batwing and Batzarro begin exchanging blows next, but Batzarro takes an unexpected bite from the neck of Batwing rendering him the victor. All survivors retreat to their team camps to recover.

In a different part of the city The Incredibles and the Pools stand ready to fight. Unfortunately for Pixar, this one was rated R. Dogpool and Headpool tear up Dash and Jack-Jack before Violet catches them in a force field and crushes them. Lady Deadpool and Kid Deadpool slice up Mr. Incredible and Frozone, but Elastigirl collapses an overhang on them, crushing them to death. Black Flash and Quicksilver are “seen” in a race around the city, but before long Black Flash catches Quicksilver and drags him to the afterlife. Magneto and Wolverine come under a blast from Havok, but Magneto uses his powers to throw Wolverine into him, who then shreds the mutant Havok. 

Freddy Krueger is then manipulated by Magneto into stabbing himself, killing the nightmare.

In the sky near the city Ragnarök and Dormammu meets for battle. The cyborg begins to absorb the nearby energy with his hammer and uses it to empower his attacks. Dormammu teleports his hammer away from him and sends it flying into him destroying the cyborg.

Apocalypse and Azula team up to take on Zombie Dr. Manhattan in the forest, who gets back up from Zombie 13 and 14. Azula begins to create large fires in an attempt to slow the Dr. down, who appears to quickly catch fire, though it seems to be ineffective. Mid pursuit Dr. Manhattan turns around to catch the fire bender off guard and lands a decisive blow killing her, but Apocalypse is waiting nearby and now he has his chance. He begins to manipulate the area surrounding the zombie, but it begins to come apparent that he will survive the attack if its to small. Sacrificing himself he breaks down every molecule around them, including Zombie 13 and Zombie 14. Odin with his White Lantern Ring decides he should be the one to take down Vampire Dr. Manhattan. Though he soon finds himself on his back foot and decides it would be better to die killing the enemy then to allow him to live. Soon a white flash is seen destroying the rest of the forest sending flaming debris in all directions.

Near the seas, Poseidon emerges in a humanoid form. He uses the water around him to protect himself and with a Trident in hand, he is prepared for the incoming T-2 and T-3. The attacks start coming and they don’t stop coming. Both terminators are in deep sync, but the water is excellent at absorbing their attacks. T-2 begins a heavy barrage while T-3 inches forward and begins a self-destruct sequence that blows away all the water, Allowing T-2 to blow away Poseidon with his shotgun. Luke and Leia stand to fight Snoke, Ancalagon the Black, and Mewtwo. The two Jedi force pull the dragon down from the skies injuring him gravely, but Snoke force pushes Leia close enough though that she is eaten by Ancalagon shortly before he succumbs to his wounds. Channeling his anger with the force, Luke cuts down Mewtwo before overpowering Snoke in lightsaber combat.

Both Balrogs decide that they are best fighting in the desert to avoid any unwanted cooling. But the Monitor and The Ancient One know that the longer the Balrogs have the harder they will be to take down. Trapping them in the mirror dimension The Assassins move in to kill the beasts. Durin’s Bane uses his whip to immobilize The Monitor, giving Gothmog enough time to slice him in half. With no ally to receive friendly fire the Ancient One collapses the mirrors and leaves the Balrogs to wander this dimension for eternity.

Gandalf and Pippin also track the Witch King to the desert where he awaits them on his fell beast. The Hobbit is gobbled by the Fell Beast, which allows Gandalf to kill the beast, without his fell beast the Witch King stands no chance against Gandalf, even without the ring.

The final battle between the survivors takes place back within the city. Robin, Elastigirl, Violet, Black Flash, Magneto, Wolverine, and T-2 are the last Striders of Rohan while Ahsoka’s Acrobatic Assassins stand Black Lantern Neo, Batzarro, Grand Master Luke, Dormammu, and The Ancient One. Robin, Elastigirl, Violet and Black Flash skirmish with Batzarro, The Ancient One, and Black Lantern Neo. While the Striders kill Batzarro and Neo, they ultimately lose the fight against the Ancient One. Magneto, Wolverine and T-2 undertake the great task of killing Dormammu. While T-2 and Magneto is killed, Wolverine’s rage keeps him alive and he shreds Dormammu’s physical form, returning him back to wander dimensions. Gandalf shows Luke what a true Grand Wizard is capable of with the power of the White Lantern Ring, blowing him and half a city block into oblivion. Still full of rage Wolverine launches himself at the Ancient One impaling the sorcerer, but when he looks down he sees a glass blade lodged within his abdomen, both succumb to their wounds shortly thereafter.

With most of the terrain destroyed, Gandalf retires to the beach and watches the sunset on this ruthless day of battle.

FFL National League Playoffs Week 1

Gender Neutral Misunderstood Little People: Yoda w/ White Lantern Ring and 5th Ring of the Dwarf Lords (4 deaths), Black Lantern Emperor Palpatine (4 deaths), Mr. Mxyzptlk (4 deaths), Lando Calrissean (pilot), Nien Numb (co-pilot), Lobot (front gunner), and ALF (rear gunner) in The Outlaw, The Mandalorian, The Child w/ a Blue Lantern Ring, and Quill in The Mandalorian’s Ship, Asajj Ventress (4 deaths) and Nightsister Acolyte (4 deaths) in Wedge’s Snowspeeder, Omega Supreme, Starscream w/ Orange Lantern Ring, Vampire Green Lantern (4 deaths), Atrocitus (4 deaths), Indigo-1 (4 deaths) and Munk (4 deaths), Neo w/ 2 White Lightsabers, Queen Aga'po, Count Dooku w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring, FA-4 in a TIE Bomber, Nazgul #9 on his Fell Beast, Super Saiyan Conner Weidman w/ a Blue Lantern Ring in his Mazda RX-8, Symbiote Suit Spider-Man, Kobe Bryant on Mordor Horse #9 (4 deaths), Achilles, Black Lantern Magneto, Star Destroyer with James Madison w/ a Speed Ring, James Monroe w/ The Darksaber, Tyrion Lannister w/ 1st Ring of the Dwarf Lords, commanding and Star Fox w/ a Blue Lightsaber, Peppy Hare, Slippy Toad, and Falco piloting (Arwings on stand by if needed), Harambe w/ Starman, X-23, and Black Dragon #2

Barkley’s Turrible Decisions: Batman (4 deaths), Robin, and Alfred w/ Green Lightsaber in Modern Age Batmobile, Deadpool, Boba Fett (4 deaths), Snaptrap, Nautilator, Overbite, Seawing, Skalor, and Tentakill, Black Manta, Star Sapphire (4 deaths), Guy Gardner, Alan Scott, Killer Croc, Yaddle, Tom Bombadil, Ki Adi Mundi, Jade, Space Ghost in the Phantom Cruiser, Jan, Jace and Blip in Jan and Jace’s Shuttle, Cyborg (4 deaths), Kilowog, Shrek and Donkey, Nightcrawler, Artemis, Pan, Mega Man X (4 deaths), and Mike Tyson

In the Skies: Little People have Mando’s Ship, The Outlaw, Wedge’s Snowspeeder, Starscream in ship form, FA-4 in TIE Bomber and the Star Destroyer.

Barkley has Space Ghost in his Phantom Cruiser, Jan Jace and Blip in their ship, and Star Sapphire

The Star Destroyer starts out by shooting a flurry of shots at the Phantom Cruiser and Jan and Jace’s ship. Space ghost easily dodges all these shots but Jan and jace do not as their ship explodes. Asajj and Nightsister Acolyte use their cable on the snowspeeder to wrap up Star Sapphire but she uses her Sapphire Gem to burn through the cable with ease, she then shoots an energy beam from her ring at the TIE bomber and destroys it. The Outlaw and The Mandalorian team up to try and take out Space Ghost though they have trouble as Space Ghost is a very quick opponent. They eventually do get his ship but Space Ghost survives the death of his ship and uses his power bands to freeze The Mandalorian’s ship but while he’s doing that Lobot hits him with a few good shots from The Outlaw and kills him. Though The Outlaw was too late as The Mando’s ship is too frozen to keep flight and it falls to its death on the Playoff Planet. 

Starscream and Star Sapphire then get into a dogfight with their rings but Star Sapphire is the much more experienced power ring user and defeats Starscream. At this point Star Sapphire has had a huge boost to her ego and decides that she is going to use her Star Sapphire Gem to destroy the Star Destroyer. She uses all her might to create the biggest energy beam a Sapphire Gem user has ever made and shoots it at the destroyer. It critically damages the ship and it begins to nose dive towards the planet. After this energy beam Star Sapphire is extremely tired and weakened, heavily breathing and barely able to sustain her flight with the Gem. As she begins to try and regain her strength she is then  kamikazeed by Asajj Ventress and Nightsister Acolyte in the Wedge’s Snowspeeder. 

The Outlaw survives in the skies. 

In the Forest: Little People have Count Dooku w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Kobe Bryant on Mordor Horse, Achilles, and Harambe w/ Starman.

The Terrible Decisions have Tom Bombadil, Ki Adi Mundi, Shrek and Donkey, Pan and Yaddle.

Yaddle and Dooku begin to duel as Dooku wants to see if he can defeat Yaddle without the powers of his Yellow Lantern Ring. Harambe sees Shrek and Donkey across the forest and decides to activate the Starman, he begins to charge towards them. As he’s charging towards them Kobe Bryant and his Horse get in the way and Harambe charges right through with ease because of the Starman. This knocks Kobe off the horse and he tears his achilles tendon, thus incapacitatin him for the rest of the battle. Shrek then just barely dodges the charge from Harambe but he does hit Donkey and kills him. The Starman effects do wear off after that though. Shrek and Harambe then have a battle of just brute strength, eventually Shrek does defeat Harambe as he was the superior fighter. 

Dooku is still battling Yaddle and he’s becoming annoyed that they’re still battling so he just kills her with an energy blast with his Lantern Ring. Achilles then hops on Kobe’s Mordor Horse and charges at Ki Adi Mundi. Count Dooku warns Achilles that Ki Adi is a skilled Jedi and that he should not pursue him one-on-one, he ignores this and charges anyways. Achilles then throws a spear at Ki Adi Mundi but the jedi easily splits it in half with his lightsaber, but while he’s splitting the spear Achilles stabs Ki Adi Mundi with his sword. Achilles then says to Dooku “This is why no one will remember your name”. Achilles sees Pan and decides to attack him. He charges at Pan but Pan easily knocks Achilles off his horse and then Pan runs up and stomps on Achilles heel with his hoof and kills him. Shrek then tries to attack Dooku but Dooku easily defeats him by shooting him with a blast of force lightning and then cuts off the ogre's head. Pan then charges at Dooku horns first but Dooku easily dodges the attack like a Matador in a bullfight. As he dodged the Satyr he cut off his head with his lightsaber.

All while this has been happening Tom Bombadil has just been dancing and singing in the Forest. He has not noticed that these battles have been going on because he does not care about things that mortal people do. Dooku notices Bombadil singing and decides to wrap him up with a lasso using his Yellow Lantern Ring. This annoys Bombadil so he sings a song which controls the trees in the forest. They wrap their limbs around Dooku and  eventually suffocate him to death. 

Tom Bombadil then joins the rest of his team.

In the Water: Little People have no on.

Barkley has Black Manta.

Black Manta realizes he’s in the sea by himself so he just goes and joins with the rest of his team. 

In the City: Everybody else on both teams is in the city.

Snaptrap, Nautilatior, Overbite, Seawing, Skalor and Tentakill see how big this battle is going to be so they combine and transform into the Piranacon. They go to take on Omega Supreme but just as they are about to attack the giant transformer Magneto uses his powers to freeze Piranacon in place while Omega Supreme hits them with a rocket and kills them all. 

Deadpool sees Super Saiyan Conner in his red Mazda RX-8 and decides to mess with him. He jumps about 300 ft in front of Conner’s speeding car, he tries to break but because his car is a piece of shit the breaks go out on it and runs right into Deadpool. Deadpool, being able to heal so quickly, recovers and is pissed off at Conner so he shoots him in the head with his Desert Eagle. While this is happening Boba Fett hits Nazgul #9 with a blaster fire that sets him on fire and kills him and kills him. The Outlaw then heads close to the ground to send a volley of shots at the enemy, the volley doesn’t hurt anyone but it does break two of the tires on the Modern Batmobile causing Batman, Robin and Alfred to do the rest of the battle on foot. While The Outlaw was doing a volley Boba Fett hit The Outlaw with a rocket causing the ship to lose control and crash into a skyscraper killing all on the ship. Magneto sees Boba Fett wreaking havoc so he crushes Boba Fett by squeezing his Mandalorian armor together and killing the bounty hunter.

Guy Gardner, Alan Scott, Jade and Kilowog combine all their green lantern energy blasts together to create one huge energy blast to destroy Omega Supreme. Vampire Green Lantern, Indigo-1, Munk and Queen Aga’po work together to take on the 4 members of the green lantern corps. After a huge battle between different spectrums of the lantern corps all that’s left standing is Indigo-1.

Symbiote Suit Spiderman comes swinging in and picks up Mike Tyson and drops him from a height unable to be survived by a human body. Mega Man X then shoots a couple of blasts at Spiderman but he dodges them and Neo flies by and cuts Mega Man X in half with his white lightsaber.

Symbiote Spiderman and Deadpool begin to fight and after a long battle where Deadpool kept dying but kept coming back to life. Eventually Deadpool tired Spiderman so much that he was able to kill him. After Deadpool kills Symbiote Suit Spiderman Neo just flies inside Deadpool and blows him up into pieces and thus removing him from The Matrix. 

Black Manta and Cyborg team up to attack Neo where Black Manta shoots his powerful optic blasts and Cyborg shoots his blasts from his robotic arm, but Neo uses his understanding of The Matrix to freeze these blasts in mid air and begins the offensive on the two enemies. After a long hand to hand combat battle Neo eventually kills Black Manta with one of his lightsabers but is slain by Cyborg while doing so.

Artemis uses her perfect aim with a bow and arrow to hit X-23 with an arrow but all this does is just enrage X-23 as she runs towards the goddess and dodges all of her shots with the bow and arrow before eventually ripping out the arrow that she was originally shot with and stabbing Artemis in the neck with the arrow. Cyborg sees that the goddess is slain and shoots X-23 with extremely powerful blasts from his robotic arm and blows X-23 into a million pieces.

Magneto sees that Cyborg is part robotic and just smirks as he uses Cyborg’s robotic arm to stab right through his chest thus killing him. Indigo-1 and Magneto team up to attack Batman, Robin and Alfred. While they're busy in battle Nightcrawler teleports Killer Croc behind Indigo-1 and Magento. Killer Croc rips Magneto’s head off of his body and begins to fight Indigo-1, while she is busy with Killer Croc, Alfred stabs her in the back with his green lightsaber.

All that’s left standing is Yoda, Emperor Palpatine, Black Dragon #2 and Mr. Mxyzptlk versus Batman, Robin, Alfred, Killer Croc, Nightcrawler and Tom Bombadil has finally just strolled in from his battle in the forest.

Palpatine begins by shooting electricity at Alfred thus killing him as his old heart cannot withstand that much amperage through his body. Mr. Mxyzptlk sees Nightcrawler being able to teleport so he decides to show off and teleports Nightcrawler into the center of the sun instantly vaporizing him. Mr.Mxyzptlk sees Tom Bombadil singing minding his own business and this interests him so he joins him and starts singing along. He gets so enthralled in the song that he doesn’t even realize that Tom Bombadil got him to sing his name backwards, thus making Mr. Mxyzptlk vanish.

Yoda and Emperor Palpatine then begin to fight against Killer Croc, Batman and Robin. Emperor Palpatine hits with a blast of electricity but it doesn’t do much to the thick skinned beast. While the Emperor is doing this Batman throws multiple explosive batarangs that stuck into the Emperor and kills him. 

Yoda sees that he can not take on Batman, Robin, Tom Bombadil and Killer Croc so he tells Black Dragon #2 to fly away. As the Dragon flies away he turns around to see what has happened and all he sees is a bright white explosion. 

   

Consortium Week 9 House Elves vs The Retard that does the pregame show on TNT

House Elves: Thor

Barkleys: Cyborg, and Batwoman

S11 W9 - The Empire vs The Something Something Midgets

The Empire is: Leonardo (w/ blue & green Lantern rings), Michelangelo (w/ Orange Lantern ring), Donatello (w/ Indigo Lantern Ring), Raphael (w/ Red Lantern Ring), Keno (w/ a Star Sapphire), Putty #6-10.

The Little People are: He-Man

“I have the POWER!” From atop the Teen Titans tower, He-man bellows his iconic phrase as lightning strikes the power sword.

The Puttys from Power Rangers rush the Eternian prince and he effortlessly cuts them down and throws them from the tower.

“Show him what we taught ya, Dude!” Says Mikey to Keno. Keno charges He-man but with a mighty backhand swing, is cleaved in twain.

“Turtle Power!” yell the Ninja turtles.

Donnie reaches He-Man first and tries to block his attack with his staff… and loses because it’s a stick. It breaks easily in two and the sword impales so deep into his skull that it gets stuck for a second in his shell. This moment gives Mikey a chance to clime onto his back and being strangling him with a nunchuck and Raph gives him the “cell block special” by shanking him repeatedly in the sides and legs with his Sais. He-man gets his sword free in time to block Leo’s katana attack and deliver a swift kick to the chest that sends the turtle leader sliding backwards on his shell. He-man then grabs the nunchuck chain around his neck and pulls it apart. He spins around and faces Mikey who still has a firm grip on his weapon and with two quick revolutions, He-Man launches Mikey clear across the bay and into the side of a building in Jump City.

He-Man picks up his sword again, slowly this time as his abdomen is quickly spilling blood. He raises it to strike Raph but is held back by the Red Lantern ring of Raph and the Green lantern ring of Leo disarms the prince.

Leo is still trying to get off his back. He’s just rolling around over there trying to flip himself.

Mustering all the strength of Eternia he manages to push though Raphael’s ring power and get his large hands around the skull of the turtle. As he presses his enormous thumbs into the eye sockets of the most tubular of the turtles, they both let out earth shattering screams. Raph’s flailing arms manage to find one of his sais and to his final breath, continues to impale his attacker’s chiseled abdomen.

He-man struggles to find the strength to stand. He can feel his power fading and he is beginning to slip back into his princely form. He takes a look at his blood soaked hands and watches as two katana blades come clean through his chest.

The Striders of Rohan Vs. Affirmative Action Popeye's

The Striders of Rohan are Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad, Batman & Robin (Dick Grayson & Damien Wayne), & Fedayeen #3-4.

Affirmative Action Popeye's is Kyle's Homeboy Frank, Bebop, Rocksteady, The Macho Man (w/ a Power Ring), Slash, Tigger, Sentinel #1, Predator #1, & Predator #12.


A lot is on the line here; so let's jump right into this one. The Predators comes out all predatory and take out the two Fedayeen; but Batman and Robin know this tower inside and out and are able to sneak up on the sneakiest of sneakers and kick both the Predators off the tower to their doom. Batman and Robin then prove Alex on draft day right about how good they would be in this setting by taking out Bebop and Rocksteady almost as fast as I do in the TMNT NES Game. Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad had an explosive set on the Sentinel before Kyle and Ethan even got their lazy butts out of bed this morning that blows the machine to bits, and as an after thought pulls out his Glock and puts a well placed shot right between the eyes of Slash. Robin takes a bit too much pleasure in kicking Tigger off the roof; but in a surprise play; The Macho Man goes all roid-rage-power-ring-boost-spell-#wherestheloveforrandysavage and double clotheslines Batman and Robin off the roof, falling down with them and joining them in death.

Kyle's Homeboy Frank slowly picks up a birdarang and Predator claw from the ground, while Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad picks up a batarang and crysknife. “We knew it would come to this Pops” says Kyle's Homeboy Frank.

“Truly a shame. Must suck to know you are the second best man in a deathmatch” says Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad in retort.

“We'll see about that Old Man” proclaims Kyle's Homeboy Frank as he lunges at his Father, weapons drawn.

A well placed spinkick from Kyle's Homeboy Frank finds itself blocked as Kyle's Homeboy Frank Dad's apprentice turned enemy is thrown to the ground by Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad himself. “Good move; but you lack proper balance to maintain it against a superior opponent” Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad says to Kyle's Homeboy Frank.

Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad tosses his Batarang at Kyle's Homeboy Frank; but Kyle's Homeboy Frank accomplishes a wicked dodge of the projectile.

“Bet you can't match those moves at your age”. Kyle's Homeboy Frank proclaims arrogantly at the expense of Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad.

“You may move like a cat Kyle' Homeboy Frank, but you don't have nine lives. And it looks like I am about to be forced to prove it” says Kyle's Homeboy Franks's Dad.

“That's right Pops, we only get five lives here” Kyle's Homeboy Frank says to break the 4th Wall and give me, the writer a lazy opportunity to finish the match.

With these words still on the lips of Kyle's Homeboy Frank, he rushes at his father proclaiming that this life will be the one that proves who the best man on this Tower is. Kyle's Homeboy Frank flings his birdarang while simultaneously executing his spinkick in a totally perfect fashion. Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad feels the air move past his face as he dodges the kick with less than a centimeter to spare. Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad then grabs the leg of Kyle's Homeboy Frank and flings him off the top of the Tower as he says: “Maybe next time kid....... Maybe next time”.

TEAM Vs. Be Gentle It's My First Time

TEAM is Hubcap, Mario, & Luigi

Be Gentle It's My First Time is Taskmaster (w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring), Chuck Norris (NOT IN A DAMN PENGUIN SUIT BECAUSE HE IS CHUCK NORRIS), & 3 Jedi Knights.


Mario and Luigi hop out of Hubcap in his car form and start playing it up for the crowd here atop Titans' Tower for the final week of the regular season. They shut the doors simultaneously and Hubcap begins to transform into his robot form. But as soon as he begins to take shape, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the head off of the Autobot. The fight then jumps into full force as Mario begins battling all three of the Jedi Knights and Luigi goes one on one with Taskmaster.

Mario uses his cape to take out the first Jedi; but the other two catch him with their sabers turning him into regular Mario, forcing him to do a traditional head stomp on the other two Jedi. As Mario continues to bounce off the heads of his enemies, Chuck tosses the unignited lightsaber of his fallen Jedi partner at the forehead of Mario with a direct hit, sending the plumber tumbling off the Tower.

Luigi, dressed in his rare Hammer Bros. Suit, is in a pitched battle with Taskmaster who is using his own abilities and his yellow lantern ring to match Luigi's hammer attacks and duplicate them with perfect precision. Taskmaster delivers a wicked kick to Luigi that destroys his hammer bros. suit; but Luigi counters with a jumping punch that knocks the ring from Taskmaster's hand and Taskmaster off of the Tower.

Only Luigi and Norris remain atop the Tower as they stare each other down. Luigi tells Chuck that he is a big fan of Walker: Texas Ranger and that he knows what he is up against. Chuck Norris politely says: “Thank you” and then lets Luigi in on some knowledge. Chuck says: “I know you are the best character in Super Mario 2, which is why I beat the whole game using only Toad”. A third foot then came out of Chuck's beard and roundhoused Luigi all the way back to The Mushroom Kingdom.

Week 9: Dino-Mites vs. Ahsoka's Assassins

Dino-Mites: Emperor Joker and Larry Koopa w/ Ice Flower

Ahsoka Tano’s Acrobatic Assassins: The Doom Patrol: The Chief, Mento, Elasti-Girl, Robot Man, Negative Man and Beast Boy (4 deaths)

Emperor Joker and Larry Koopa are on top of the Teen Titans Tower about to break into the building when they are interrupted by the arrival of The Doom Patrol. The Chief first questions Joker by asking him why he’s trying to break into the Tower. The Joker responds by using his omnipotent powers to blow Elasti-Girl, Mento, Robot Man and Negative Man into a million pieces and then proceeds to do the same to Larry Koopa because he thought it was funny. He laughs hysterically and then says “I’m breaking into the tower to kidnap Batman’s Boy Wonder Robin, I want to use him as bait so I can finally kill Batsy.” 

The Chief then realizes that even with all of The Joker’s omnipotent powers he still spends his time trying to spite the Dark Knight. The Chief then recognizes that The Joker can not exist without Batman. The Chief uses his genius intellect to describe to Joker that a world without Batman would cause a huge amount of crime around Gotham which at first The Joker likes but then he realizes that if there’s a world without Batman then there’s a world without Joker and that he would return to being sane. This causes The Joker to be frightened and surrender his omnipotent powers because he understands that he can not live in a world without his greatest adversary. 

All while The Chief and The Joker were having this conversation, Beast Boy turned himself into an ant and snuck himself behind the Crown Prince of Crime. Once Joker surrendered his powers Beast Boy turned himself into a Box Jellyfish and stins him. The Joker realizes that he has just been stung by one of the most venomous creatures in the world and only has a couple of minutes left to live. He pulls out a stack of dynamite from his back pocket to try and kill them all on top of the Teen Titans Tower, but before the dynamite explodes Beast Boy turns himself into a Blue Whale and smothers The Joker. Ultimately sacrificing himself for The Chief.

Democracy Week 9 The Super Kitties of Luna vs John and Vaders House of Sith Aids

The Super Kitties of Luna are Raven and Samus

John and Vaders House of Sith Aids are IG-88, Dengar, and Rex

S11 W8: TEAM vs Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins

TEAM is: Wheel Jack, Hound, Sunstreaker, Hubcap, Cliff Jumper, Earthworm Jim, KC Munchkin, Mr. Methane, Jack Artrip (w/ Raccoon Leaf) and Ewok #7

Assassins are: Grandmaster Luke Skywalker, Legends Leia Organa Solo, R2D2, C3PO, Dakka, Aragorn, Ahsoka Tano (Fulcrum), Elf #6-20, Orc #1-16

The first wave of the attack is from the Assassins as they send the bullet catchers in first to do their damage. All the Elves and Orcs along with Dakka are led by Aragorn into battle. As the horde closes in Mr. Methane casts his “Fog of War” spell and clouds the forest in the remains of last night’s burrito dinner. The two-team battle and as the scent clears, only Aragorn, who stands atop the disabled corpse of Hubcap, survive from the Assassins first wave. Among the heaps of dead, Earthworm Jim and KC Munchkin are riddled with elf arrows and Mr. Methane and Ewok #7 had their heads ripped off by an orc.

Jack Artrip safely flew into a tree with his racoon leaf just before the attack started. He did not do this out of self-preservation, he simply saw a branch in the tree that reminded him of a wooden pickaxe from Minecraft and had to check it out. Then when he got up there, he completely forgot that he was here to battle and just stayed in the tree daydreaming thinking about his two favorite things to do: playing with Legos and leaving the light on in his bedroom.

Wheel Jack, Hound, Sunstreaker and Cliff Jumper stand remaining for TEAM.

“Perhaps you would like me to communicate with them, Master Luke? You know I’m fluent in over six mill—” C3PO suggests.

“No thanks, Threepio.” Says Luke dismissively. “I think we got this.”

Luke, Leia and Fulcrum ignite their Lightsabers while R2 beeps and wobbles annoyingly until he falls over in the uneven terrain. Before Threepio can help Artoo back up, the jedi trio have disabled Wheel Jack and Hound. The transformers try their hardest and they shoot rockets and stuff but they are only able to defeat Aragorn with a missile blast and Leia by a big metal boot that pounds her into the Endorian terrain.

Luke looks up at the Artrip child singing carefree on a tree branch and then back over to Ahsoka.

“I’m not my father and you aren’t your Master.” Says Luke. “I say we let this youngling live.”

The Assassins transport out of the match as night begins to fall and Luke is happy with himself for sparing the life of an innocent. However, had he known that nighttime on the forest moon of Endor is when the feral Ewoks come out to feed, he might have given the young boy a more merciful death than the long and painful one that was about to endure.

Week 8: Empire Vs Super Kitties

The Empire: Pinhead, Nazgul #7 on Mordor Horse, Jool Noret, Rita Repulsa, Lord Zed, Frankenstein’s Monster, Flying Monkey #2-8

Super Kitties: Cicada, Hermione Granger, Green Goblin, Dracula, the Protectobots; Hot Spot, Street Wise, Blades, Groove, and First Aid.

Around a fire, shivering and covered in blood, Flying Monkeys #7 and #8 sit in silence under the Endor night. Having witnessed the ruthless battle and the death of all of their friends before fleeing they retell the course of events.

It all started when the Green Goblin rode in on his hoverboard and disintegrated Flying Monkeys #2-6 and Frankensteins Monster. Rita Repulsa then cast an energy bolt killing him. The Protectobots were not far behind and surrounded Jool, Rita Repulsa, and Lord Zed. Rita cast a spell making Lord Zed a giant, then the three began their stand. Zed was easily able to take out several of the Protectobots before being struck by Blades. Rita and Jool are able to finish the job. Pinhead riding double with Nazgul #7 arrives to reinforce their allies, but the Kitties were determined to crush them. Cicada, Hermione, and Dracula descended upon the Empire. Nazgul #7 strikes Dracula but is crushed by Hermione who was fed up and used some primo magic. Cicada and Granger Moved to attack and are easily able to fight Jool, Rita, Pinhead, and Mordor Horse. Jool jumps on the horse and charges Hermione, but is struck mid charge by Cicada killing them both. But in this attack Pinhead is able to stab Cicada leaving the lone witch to fight Rita and the hellish demon. The Witch quickly out magics Rita who seems set on using odder spells. Pinhead walks unknowingly into a trap set by Granger who moves to act on the disoriented demon, but he summons several blades that rip the witch to bits but is struck by a devastating spell and he succumbs to his wounds. The Only survivors being the last two Flying Monkeys who hid in the bushes following the disintegration of all of their comrades. Wandering through the forest they set up camp where I met them to hear about the match.

Week 8: Gender Neutral Misunderstood Little People vs Barkley’s Turrible Decision’s

Little Peeps: Rick w/ a Red Lightsaber, Morty w/ a fireflower, Harambe in an AT-RT, Predator #1A-2A, Vampire Predator, Zombie Predator, Neo w/ 2 White Lightsabers, Asajj Ventress, Nightsister Acolyte, Bat-Mite w/ 6th Ring of the Dwarf Lords, Black Lantern Batman, Lando Calrissean and Lobot in F-14, and Zombie Green Lantern

Barkley: Artemis, Pan, Treebeard, Yaddle, and Skeletor

We’ve got two polar opposite teams here, one with a lot of characters while the other goes for a more minimalistic approach of less people but heavy hitters. Nonetheless a good matchup.

Barkley takes the lead with a bold statement from the goddess of the hunt. Artemis calls upon the wild animals of the forest, and in a stampede Rick, Morty, and Bat-Mite are trampled to death while two arrows from the bow of a goddess meet the spinal cords of Vampire and Zombie Predator. Harambe (RIP) makes quick friends with the wild animals and tells them that the humans will kill them one day, so they turn on Artemis and shred her to pieces like a Thanksgiving dinner.

We then pan (I’m sorry, I couldn’t not make the pun) over to Treebeard attempting to talk to the trees. I don’t think he’s aware that they don’t talk like him, he’s not in Fangorn Fore-- oh my god the trees are moving. Guys it’s just like that one scene from the Two Towers where he finds all the trees burnt down and all of a sudden a whole army of trees comes out of nowhere and starts messing the place up. Harambe’s AT-RT is smashed to bits along with the F-14 because they were blowing shit up and catching fires everywhere. While Neo is going ham on some trees with his two whitelightsabers, Yaddle, a true Jedi master, shows him how to properly use these laser thingys and slices and dices Neo. Although it was not before Neo landed a fatal blow to Treebeard.

Yaddle moves on and messes up the two Predators real quick while then throwing her lightsaber through the body of NIghtsister Acolyte. Now without her lightsaber, Asajj strikes from behind and ends the long life of Yaddle.

As we move through the battle, we actually come upon Pan, not a pun this time. He again summons the forest’s decomposers and they feast on the dead flesh of Zombie Green Lantern. Pan then plays some rustic music from before time itself and it is so boring that it literally kills Asajj, although Batman is of course unfazed. Batman moves toward the god of wilderness and snaps his neck over his knee.

Skeletor, who has been silent throughout the battle, realizes it is just himself versus Batman. Batman makes for a quick attack towards the weird skeleton playing with his hands. To the demise of Batman, he is unaware that this whole battle Skeletor has been building up dark magic and has had just enough time to now vaporize Batman.

George Washington's House Elves Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids

George Washington's House Elves are Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Sgt. Slaughter w/ Taurus, Red Dog, & Mercer, The Predi-Alien, & The Paw Patrol: Ryder, Chase, Marshall, Rubble, Zuma, Sky, Rocky, Everest, & Tracker w/ their Vehicles.

John and Vader's House of Sith Aids are: IG-88, Scout Trooper #1-10, The Ninth Sister, Firelord Ozai, Maxima, Daenyrus Targaryen w/ his Dragon, Unsullied #1-10, & Dengar.

ITCHA BOY, The Neon Master Pogo here. Haven't got much chance to watch this year what with that draconian, totalitarian, effeminate, Bruce Jenner-lookin jerk that has us all freaked out about everything constantly in our faces. No, not Gretchen Whitmer, I'm talking about Joshatu the Butthurt. Anyways..... That's enough groaning, it's time to flush this turd.

Firelord Ozai does some serious bending of fire and of the land of Oz; not sure which one he is a master of; so I'll give him both powers. Either way, it's May the Fourth and I gots to give that love to Star Wars; so Luke blocks it with his lightsaber, absorbs it with The Force, and spin attacks Ozai silly Fo Keeps Dawg.

Dengar is all like: I was only in Star Wars for like five seconds; but I'm awesome; and Mercer is like: I was only in G.I. JOE for like five seconds; but at least I had a speaking role and killed him.

The Unsullied found Red Dog to be Sullied; so they: Honestly I don't know what I am talking about right now; so everyone mentioned in this paragraph just died.

The Predi-Alien joined the scene, and I instantly started projectile vomiting because it is basically the grossest thing in movie history. Luckily, Maxima is much tougher than I, and in lieu of projectile vomiting punched its head off instead.

The Scout Troopers are all like: “Wow, it's so quiet here on Endor. All the Ewoks must be obeying the stay at home order, too bad we are essential and have to come to work”; but then Han looked at Chewie in a totally non-gay way and was like: “Yo Chewie, we have gotten out of way more difficult situations than this”; and they start shooting first like a couple of bosses ten times straight until the Scout Troopers are all dead.

Daenyrus Targaryen and his dragon show up and it is really apparent from the start that Dude and his Dragon are wicked awesome. I mean, I didn't do any research or anything; but I know for sure: Wicked. Awesome. They are flying around being all like: Look how awesome I am. And then the Paw Patrol roll up on their vehicles.... Now, I know that y'all are just gonna say that I am lazy and don't feel like looking up these characters; but I assure you it is far deeper than that. My intention is really just to put Mr. Artrip into an existential quandary. You see, because I am just going to say that Rubble was in trouble and Chase was on the case and that they totes road their vehicles all up in here and that they won the skirmish and Chris is going to be thinking about how awesome Game of Thrones is and that I won't give it the proper love; but at the same time he'll be like: Yeah, bruh Paw Patrol is my team: REPRESENT. Well, anyway The Paw Patrol were victorious, but dude and his dragon managed to eat, or slice, err blow fire, or whatever they do on all of the Paw Patrol Pup except for Tracker who is my favorite, much to the dismay of my children who know I am crazy.

IG-88 shot Sgt. Slaughter and he died.

Taurus was a better swordsmen than The Ninth Sister; but lightsaber > Saracen Sword all day, every day; so the Inquisitor was victorious over the JOE Renegade. Luke on the other hand was better and had the same kind of weapon; so he managed to take her out.

Luke, Han, Chewie, Mercer, and Tracker squared off against IG-88 and Maxima to wrap everything up. Maxima and Luke became locked in an extremely epic, old-fashioned, Becks-style Pitched battle that could easily have been stretched to a page long conflict by a better writer; whilst Han blasted IG-88 directly in his central core. And then, in a full explosion of uncreativity; but also in a simultaneous shout out to The Mandalorian and not-so rock solid proof that I really did look at these teams intensely and have a rough time deciding who the winner should be: The IG Bounty Hunter Droid triggers his self destruct and destroys every non Canine in the bunch. Tracker marks his territory and puts out the fire with his urine.

Cuz that's how we do it on Endor Peeps. And. We out.