Affirmative Action Popeye's Vs. George Washington's House Elves

Affirmative Action Popeye's is Earth 2 Superman, The Sando Aqua Monster, Beechead, Road Block, Gung Ho, Lt. Flint, Guns N' Roses: Axl Rose, Slash, Duff McKagen (in a Penguin Suit), Steven Adler, & Dizzy Reed in a German U-Boat. Jaws (4), Death, Nolan & Austin: Sith Bros in Arwings, Macho Man (w/ a Power Ring), Mogo, Twincast w/ Fast Forward, & Autobot Cassette #1-3, & Mary Embery.

George Washington's House Elves are Gandalf the Grey, Set, Godzilla, Iron Man, Luke Skywalker, Seaworm #1A-2A, Black Lantern Seaworm, Vampire Seaworm, Zombie Seaworm, The Monkguin, Qui Gonn Jinn (in a Frog Suit), M. Bison, Sagat, Vega, Balrog, Zangief, Lucca Brazzi, Seaworm #10, Zuma in a Hovercraft, Prince Andrew, Jeffrey Epstein, Mako, Prince Harry in a F-16, Princess Meggan, Archie, & John Schlade.

Both teams are dropped into The Indian Ocean and like many water battles it is instantly a question of those who thrive and those who do not. The GI Joes led by Lt. Flint inside the German U-Boat attempt to direct the Popeye's Crew, while they are thoroughly entertained by Guns N' Roses who is mainly playing songs from Appetite for Construction, since Dizzy is off the keys and taking over on Bass Guitar, so Duff can be out in the thick of the fight in his Penguin Suit.

Prince Harry in his F-16 becomes locked in what would have been an incredible dog fight with the Sith Bros. and their Arwings; but none of those vehicles work in the water; so they all just drowned instead. Princess Meghan drowned as well, but not from the salt water of the Indian Ocean; but rather from her own salty tears due to the terrible life that she is forced to lead as a member of British Royalty. Much like Harry and Meghan, I wasn't paying any attention to Archie; so I failed to notice how he died.

Macho Man is easily winning the bodybuilding contest he is having with Sagat, Zangief, Balrog, M. Bison, and Vega as the former member of the Mega Powers uses his Power Ring to Boost his own stats well passed the steroid riddles version of himself in that Spider-Man movie from the last century. None of this keeps them all from inevitably drowning of course.

Lucca Brazzi as destiny would have it sleeps with the fishes.

Jeffrey Epstein, a man who loves his deviant life refuses to let himself drown. So he and his buddy Prince Andrew both give up on their human disguises and take on their full Reptilian form (see David Icke); so they can navigate the water more properly. Mary Embery is drawn to this ancient power; but despite the esoteric Illuminati knowledge they all possess, they join each other in death as Mary Embery comes closer to them causing her to lose her powers and drown in an ancient ritual that even they do not understand.

E2 Superman would have had a very tough time with the team-up of Gandalf the Grey and Luke Skywalker, if the Wizard and the Jedi Knight weren't so busy treading water. Gandalf manages to get off a quick spell to weaken Supes a bit before Kal L hits Gandalf and Luke with some freeze breathe that turns them into blocks of ice sending them both sinking below the surface. Wait..... Ice floats doesn't it. Maybe they just froze to death. Err, maybe the water penetrated the frozen blocks. I don't know how this crap works, I ain't gonna do the math either. Science isn't my scene. Either way, they died. The weakened Superman, would have normally still be tough enough to take out Tony Stark; but with Iron Man's adapted water function on his suit, the skirmish is tilted the other direction. Iron Man forces the battle to be fought as deep into the Ocean as he can lead Superman. The fight rages on with an unprecedented amount of power being fought through by both combatants. As only you super-duper nerds out there already know, the Golden Age or Earth 2 version of Superman can hold his breath for an incredibly long period of time; but he does indeed need to hold it while in Space or under water. His breath is finally knocked from him after a few dozen building destroying punches are delivered by Iron Man. After winning the fight against Superman, the proud Tony Stark attempts to move towards the surface and rejoin the fight; but finds that his suit was far too damaged by the Last Son of Krypton. He floats back down to the bottom and joins his worthy opponent in their watery grave.

And now for the actual water battle to begin:

The Popeye squad with the Submarine peeps calling the shots have set up behind their champion The Sando Aqua Monster and the insanely powerful Mogo who is a bit out of his element under the water; but still very well protected by his green lantern aura. Twincast and his Cassettes are dwarfed by their monstrous teammates, but remain prepped for battle as well.

On the other side the House Elves begin to form up as well as they begin what both squads realize will be one final push towards victory or defeat.

John Schlade was given a Jedi Mouthpiece (ya know the thing from Phantom Menace) by Qui Gon so he can stay alive, since Qui Gon doesn't need it, due to his fancy Frog Suit (I guess Chris felt like permanently turning this extremely powerful Jedi Master into a permanent water character Kyle Houslander style (see Hancock)). John Schlade is so taken aback by the monstrous size of The Sando Aqua Monster that he almost, for a split second, considers, taking the Lord's name in vain. Luckily he thinks better of himself. His fears are quelled though as his homeboy Qui Gonn assures him that “there is always a bigger fish” as their teammate Godzilla appears from the depths of the Sea and becomes locked in a pitched battle with The Sando Aqua Monster.

Zuma heads in on the double and attacks The U-Boat with her Hovercraft; but the antiquated weaponry of the U-Boat are still more than enough to take down the Pup. The U-Boat then targets Seaworm #2A with all of its firepower and is able to take out the beast; but the body of the genetically engineered sea monster falls upon the boat and pins it against an outcropping of rock. The combatants inside are still alive and well until the sneaky little Monkguin finds an exterior release valve on the pinned vessel and opens it up. The curious little Monkgwee doesn't get out of the way in time and dies himself in the rush of current that eventually floods the U-Boat and kills all inside.

Death, although out of her element remains extremely powerful and is able to single-handedly kill Seaworm #1A. She has more difficulty though as she attempts to bring death upon those who have already experienced the pain of the nether realm. Once she finds Black lantern Seaworm, Zombie Seaworm, and Vampire Seaworm drawn to her aura she cannot contain what their attack brings and is destroyed.

Mogo begins to unleash his green lantern energy on Set; but is shocked to realize that the seven headed serpent only grows larger as the energy is absorbed. Set begins to consume Mogo; but even with the power of Atlantis itself fueling the giant serpent it cannot quite handle all of Mogo's extreme power. Mogo is completely absorbed by Set; but two of the monster's enormous heads explode leaving it a five headed creature complete with the power of Mogo.

Qui Gon and Duff have one Hell of a water fistfight. If Jinn's lightsaber could work under water, than this contest would be over quick, but since it cannot, Duff's kickboxing skills are able to keep up with Qui Gon's Jedi moves. As the fight goes on, I sat in front of the computer for about three minutes thinking of how the fight should go and nothing popped into my head; so Seaworm #10 swam by and ate them both instead. The Seaworm is not able to enjoy his meal for long though, as Jaws comes by and makes a meal out it, sending the 10th Seaworm to the Graveyard. Much like what happened with Death, the three undead Seaworms converge on Jaws and attack. They are able to win with a triple team, but the zombie goes down to the might of the fourth Jaws.

Mako takes out all three Autobot Cassettes before being crushed by their boss Twincast, John Schlade is defeated in one on one combat against Fast Forward (everyone should look up the Autobot Cassette Fast Forward, so you can understand his true power). Fast Forward attempts to regroup with his master Twin Cast; but Set swallows Fast Forward whole and crushes Twin Cast under his enormous body.

This flaming turd of a match would have been much more interesting if instead of following the minutia, we simply watched the incredible fight between The Sando Aqua Monster and Godzilla that has been raging on since the start of this match. As it comes to a close, we see a battered Godzilla fight through the punches, kicks, and bites of The Sando, pin him to the Ocean floor and blast him with water-proof Lightning breath.