Week 9: Angry Li'l Individuals With Gender Dysphoria vs The Sith Formerly Owned By Johnny

 The Midgets are: Vlad the Impaler and Duncan Idaho Ghola #5 (w/ red and purple double-bladed lightsaber)

The Sith AIDS are: Weapon H

Sometimes, in this League of Fantasy Fantasy, a watcher is presented with a conundrum. Two formidable squads, toe-to-toe, neck and neck. Sometimes, the opposite problem: two teams of D-list celebrities, or parodic amalgamations some long-forgotten lawyer and Care Bears. This scene represents neither of these scenarios, but rather, a troubling third option. An unstoppable behemoth of muscle and steel versus a Romanian sociopath and a sandy clone with a very hot sword.

Fade in:

INT. BAT CAVE

We see a panning landscape shot of the Bat Cave. All is quiet, all is dark. Suddenly, the hum of a lightsaber breaks the silence as its red and purple glow cuts through the darkness.

Cut to:

INT. BAT CAVE, BY THE BATMOBILE

We see the ghola of Duncan Idaho, saber fully erect and pulsing with heat in his soft hand, staring upward with a perplexed look on his strikingly handsome face.

DUNCAN

(Toward the ceiling)

"Vlad? Vlad! What are you doing up there? What sort of strategy is this?"

Pan upward:

We see Vlad Tepes III, former Warlord of Wallachia, suspended upside-down from the ceiling by a rope around his ankles. The other end of the rope is fed through holes bored through a cluster of stakes he has hammered in to the ceiling as anchors for his suspension rig. His already grotesque face is reddened with blood rushing to his head.

VLAD

"No, silly Idaho man, there is no Vlad you speak of. For I, grim ruler of hole in ground, am the bat! Man and beast alike make fear of my terrible power!"

He emits a gargling hiss as he expels the saliva pooling in the roof of his mouth.

DUNCAN

"I will not stand for this foolishness, Vlad! We have to search the cave for something, ANYTHING to stop the fourteen-hundred-pound Juggernaut pursuing us!"

Cut to:

EXT. BAT CAVE - NIGHT

Weapon H is standing at the side of a large rock formation, searching. He puts his ear toward the face of the cliff.

C.U. on Weapon H face against rocks:

VLAD

(Muffled, through wall)

"Silence, clone-thing! I am the terror that flaps in the night!"

Cut back to full shot:

Weapon H snarls and begins pummeling the rock, quickly forcing a tunnel toward the voices he hears.

Cut to:

The cave rumbles and shakes as Weapon H approaches. Duncan Idaho sways to maintain his balance on the trembling ground. Vlad begins to swing in the air on his ropes, cackling madly.

DUNCAN

"There's no time, we need to go! Quickly Vlad, to the Batcopter!"

Duncan breaks in to a sprint for the helipad inexplicably located inside a cave. He makes it about 30 feet from helicopter before the wall bursts open, hurling a boulder at him and flinging him off-screen.

C.U. on Vlad's swinging ankles:

We see a stray rock knock loose the largest anchor suspending Vlad from the ceiling. The rest are torn out with him as he swings through the air. As his trajectory throws him toward Weapon H, he catches a stake in his hand.

VLAD

"Aha, the bat takes flight! I impale you, foul creature!"

The impact of the stake against Weapon H's chest makes a dull wooden clunk, and Vlad bounces off forcefully. He lands on the ground with a grisly snap as his neck breaks. He twitches twice before becoming motionless

C.U. on Weapon H's face and chest:

Weapon H glares briefly at Vlad's corpse for a moment. He turn to look in to the camera, smirks deviously, and shrugs his shoulders as the Looney Tunes closing music plays and an iris-in begins to close the scene. It pauses briefly on his face, he winks, and the iris completes.

THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!