The Universe Bowl: Starring George Washington's House Elves and Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight

 General Washingtion's House Elves are:  Sinestro, Sandworm #6-9, Han Solo in Luke Skywalker's X-Wing, Chewbacca in a B-Wing, Galvatron, Ben Kenobi in an A-Wing, Soundwave w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Lazerbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Wingthing, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Glit, Enemy, Howlback, Garboid, Overkill, &  Slugfest, Agent Smith, T-1000, Nazgul #3 on Fell Beast, Capt. Kirk and CApt. Picard in a Nubian 327, Omnius, Ajax, George Washington, Corbin Dallas rollin in the sleigh w/ Santa Claus (w/ Colt 1911 .45 ACP), Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, & Blitzen, Shao Kahn, Sirius Black, & Uranus.

Two Hungry Dino-MItes w/ Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are:  Agen Kolar, Eeth Koth, Stass Allie, Avatar Aang (w/ green, blue, yellow, red, indigo, & star sapphire lantern rings), Wonder Woman (w/ The Sword of Light & Star Sapphire Ring), Wonder Girl, Avatar Alex Houslander (w/ Wii Mote), Aquaman, Red Lantern Mera, Bub, Bob, Bib, Beb, Wedge Antilles in X-Wing, The Flash (w/ blue lantern ring), Mon El, The Marvel Family:  Shazam, Mary Marvel, Capt. Marvel Jr., Eugene Choi, Pedro Pena, Darla Dudley, & C.C. Batson, The Shining Force, Max (w/ Chaos Breaker, White Ring, & Indigo & green lantern rings), Lowe, Mae, Ken, Luke, Hans, Khris, Tao, Gong, Gort, Anri, Arthur, Balbaroy, Amon, Diane, Zylo, Pelle, Vankar, Boken, Kokichi, Guntz, Hanzou, Jogurt, Domingo, Alef, Earnest, Tarasu, Musashi, Lyle, Bleu, & Adam, Human Torch, Kalibak, Jay Garrick (w/ green lantern ring), Desaad, Axe Cop (w/ red lantern ring) w/ Wexler, Link (w/ green lantern ring), Kit Fisto, Bowser:  King of Koopa, Lemmy Koopa, Morton Von Koopa, Larry Koopa (w/ Ice Flower), Big Barda, The Black Racer, The Aerialbots:  Silverbolt, Air Raid, Skydive, Fireflight, & Slingshot, Aurra Sing in a TIE Fighter, Bossk in a TIE Bomber, Dark Dragon, Teebo, Ewok Warrior, Ewok Elder, Chief Chirpa, Logray, Ewok Scout Scout, Wicket, Paploo, Falcon, & Red Wing, Velociraptor Riding Young Jedi Knight Grayson Houslander, & Starkiller Base.  

Twas the Night Before Christmas

And all through the planet

Every creature was stirring

Even those who once ran it.

The screams of the innocent polluted the air

In hopes that they soon would be rid of despair

The planet locals were hiding, scared under their beds

Whilst fears of annihilation pounded their heads

The Watchers above them feign empathetic

Yet lend no support and prove apathetic

When out in Outer Space their arose such a weapon

That all sprang to the windows to see what next would happen

From above the planet there burst such a flash

It tore up the landscape and caused a great crash

The moons no longer visible post this fierce thriller

And those in the know, knew it was the Base of Starkiller

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

But two massive armies still ready to spread fear

One led by a soldier whose bravery was self-evident

I knew in a moment it must be the first President

With perfect precision his troops moved in tighter

But both sides were eager to prove who had the best fighter

Now Smith, now Chewie, now Soundwave, and Shao Kahn

On Aang, on Mera, on Shazam, and Falcon

To the top of the firmament to the top of the orbit

Now smash it, and smash it, and smash every small bit

As dry desert sands from massive sandworms do fly

When they meet with Autobots as planes in the sky

So up to the atmosphere the warriors they flew

With death and destruction and evil strife too

Dressed ready for battle from their head to their foot

Now tarnished with blood, dirt, gunpowder, and soot

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their work

while the innocent families proclaimed them all jerks

But I heard some exclaim despite this sad verse

That the time has finally come for the Bowl of the Universe

  The battle has been stalled for several hours after the massive, destructive blast given off by Starkiler Base.  Omnius had predicted this attack through complicated algorithms; but was not able to get there in time.  Unable to hack into the system remotely, a gelatin based capsule with Omnius' coded information was sent and did indeed merge with The Starkiller Base system, totally disabling it; but not before the first grouping of destructive blasts were sent from the distant planet.  General George Washington paces back and forth in his underground bunker with his trusted advisors General Kenobi and Agent Smith.  Old Ben, now addicted to melange like most of the House Elves, sits with a cup of warm spice tea at a small desk.  His senses heightened even further than The Force has done for him all these years, the Jedi Master/experienced Galactic General still cannot come up with a solution to this predicament.  He snaps out of his trance as he hears General Washington bark out a question:  "KENOBI, considering what has happened to us, and the fact that we are entering into this fight without Superman do we have a chance in this battle"??  

"No".  Responds Old Ben with far less eloquence than Washington had hoped for.

George turns to Agent Smith for some more in-depth intel and asks:  "SMITH.  Give me a full report on our losses".

Agent Smith answers, saying:  "Our losses from a numbers perspective were low; but from a tactical perspective are high.  They knew what they were doing when they hit us and they gained an enormous tactical advantage.  Their plan was not to take out as many of our soldiers as possible; but instead to destroy our ability to mount an effective attack.  They basically turned the Desert into glass, killing our sandworms and they targeted our armory effectively destroying every, single weapon and vehicle that we had.  We will quite literally being going into the upcoming battle with our bare hands.  Not to brag, General; but this isn't much of a problem for me.   Most of the team on the other hand will be greatly limited by this.  To add insult to injury, it was Sirius Black who was on shift at the armory when the attack took place; so we lost our best magic user as well.  Perhaps we should consider postponing our immediate attack scheduled for Christmas Eve night into Christmas morning until we can regroup and build up some sort of weaponry".

Washington remains silent after the report, but Kenobi chimes in with vigor:  "We cannot wait on this attack.  Regardless of the position it puts us in.  The battle is upon us, whether we would wish it or not.  Not to mention that with our supply of the spice melange cut off, we will not want to commence our attack while our senses and reflexes are diminished do to spice withdrawals".  

Agent Smith cocks his head to the side and proclaims in an arrogant tone:  "General Kenobi's observations are certainly correct; but it does not change the fact that this plan involves going into battle with no weapons.  And as we all know it is certainly not possible to get all new weapons in one night".  

Washington puts the conversation to rest with his final plan:  "My advisors told me it was impossible to beat the British and their Hessian Mercenaries before I crossed the Delaware at the Battle of Trenton.  We did that on Christmas Day, and that's when we are going to do this.  And that's final.  Now go and ready the troops.  We march at Midnight".  

Spirits are a little brighter at the Home base of The Dino-Mites; but tensions are still high.  On the heels of a pre-victory with The Starkiller Base Attack, they realize that that was a one time deal.  And no Dino-Mite can deny the whispers around the camp of whether or not this  battle can be won without Darkseid.  The destructive force of the Starkiller blast, was not devoid of friendly fire, as it took out Big Barda and Morton Koopa who were too close to ground zero on their scouting mission; but they realize that they still have The House Elves outnumbered by a significant margin.  They have confirmed that their sandworm attack was successful, and hope that their attack on the armory was as destructive as it seemed.  Either way, they have taken up a Defensive posture and await a full frontal assault from Washington's Army.  

The Dino-Mites fortify their position and attempt to get what rest they can before the looming attack.

At the strike of Midnight, Washington's sparsely equipped troops move into position.  The Decepticons move into the city area, while the rest of the House Elf Squad sets up in the Wilderness.  The team stays away from both the destroyed wasteland of what was once the desert and the oceans as well, having no current plan to take out Aquaman and the Dino-Mite's Water-Power.  

Whispers from the disgruntled troops of Washington infiltrate the air about how outnumbered they seem to be.  And jokes about the absence of the Reindeer and Corbin Dallas abound in regards to General Washington planning an attack for the one night of the year that Santa has to work.  

As the dual setting battle begins, The House Elves begin to realize how truly outgunned they are, as The Dino-MItes surround their march.  The House Elves remained brave with fists clenched around a mix of nothing and the occasional stick, rock, or commandeered baseball bat.  The Dino-Mites anticipate the order for their final push of destruction, when what to their wondering eyes did appear.........; but a miniature sleigh and Nine tiny reindeer......  Mixed with a distant sound of bells and Ho Ho Hos was the familiar yell of the Christmas House Elf Corbin Dallas saying:  Y'ALL MUST OF FORGOT WHO WAS ON THIS TEAM"!!

Presents begin to fall from the sky right in front of the individual House Elves, while other gifts seemingly appear out of thin air as a true Christmas Miracle.  

A new axe for Shao Kahn.

Gleaming yellow and green lantern rings for Sinestro.

A rifle, sidearm, and saber for Washington.

For the disembodied brain of Ajax, the biggest, baddest fully armed mech suit he has ever seen.

A shiny Enterprise Shuttle and Phasers for KIrk and Picard.

Lightsabers, blasters, swords, and pistols to spare.

A scary jagged Scimitar, horse and man chainmail armor and a fresh batch of oats with halfling meat for The Nazgul and his steed.

Twin Desert Eagles and extra mags for Smith.  

Spice laced Energon goodies for the Decepticons.

And even though Han wasn't always a good boy, Chewie made up for it gifting them with a brand new, freshly waxed Y-1300 Light Freighter straight from Correlia.

Both sides know not what to do for a moment until Washington belts out the old battle cry of The Revolution:  'LIBERTY OR DEATH".

And death seems the much more common occurrence as the Christmas carnage commences.....

Uranus, begins savagely biting the heads off of the Ewoks, devouring them with ferocity, before feasting on Bowser and his two remaining children next.  The young Jedi Grayson ignites his double-bladed green lightsaber in an attempt to attack the Grandfather of Zeus; but he is knocked from his Velociraptor steed who is crushed to death in a mess of scales or feathers, or however you like to think of your raptors.  It is not until Shazam and his family enter the fight that the father of Saturn is finally tested.  Uranus rips Pedro Pena in half at the torso, and pulls out the still beating heart of Dudley; but Shazam himself decides that there is no place for this Pagan in this quaint Christmas story and sends a lightning bolt right where Uranus' 27 moons don't shine.  But Sinestro swoops in from above, while T-1000 materializes out of what the family thought was Eugene Choi.  Sinestro blasts Mary Marvel and Shazam's not son Capt. Marvel Jr., while T-1000 sends a stabbing weapon through the heart of C.C. Batson.  Shazam begins to battle two on one with Sinestro and T-1000, when a strafing run from the Aerialbots separates the fighters, sending them in different directions.  

Soundwave and his Cassettes enter into a pitched battle with Max and The Shining Force (Happy Chanukah Becks!!).  Now, part of me would love to begin a ten page summary of this epic battle; but I realize that that would be Fantasy Fantasy for one, as I am probably the only guy in the league who would actually stay awake at night thinking about both Soundwave and the Shining Force.  Much turn-based and analog antics take place ending, with Max unable to let go of The Chaos Breaker as he sticks it into the spark of Soundwave.  The Shining Force are no more, while only Enemy, Overkill, and Rumble remain from the Cassettes.  

Shao Kahn and Falcon are in Round Three of their fight, as the angry Falcon moves in aggressively against the monster who just killed his pet bird.  Falcon's hand to hand skills are legit, but they fall short of Kahn's who finishes him.  Shao's victory celebration is cut short as his head is cut from his head by the Master Sword of Green Lantern Link.  

Nazgul #3 rips apart the true Dino-Mites Bub, Bob, Bib, & Beb, before running through Eeth Koth as well.  When he turns his helmet covered head to the sound of:  "I WILL CHOP YOUR HEAD OFF"!!  Axe Cop atop Wexler begins battling the Nazgul atop his Fell Beast.  The flying T-Rex, Wexler takes a huge bite out of the Fell Beast and lets out an even larger burp after the ingestion.  The Nazgul then breaks the neck of Wexler causing him and Axe Cop to both begin falling to the ground.  When they eventually land, only Axe Cop still had his head attached.  

Aquaman leads Mera and Kit Fisto out of the Ocean, realizing that they aren't going to help out their team hanging out underwater; but they are met by a massive energy blast from the cannon of Galvatron, who was sniping their water exit.  The mighty Galvatron had already single-handedly destroyed Dark Dragon today and is anxious for his next battle.  Galvatron then transforms into robot form as he is surrounded by more Dino-Mites.  The Decepticon leader hits Agen Kolar and Stass Allie with his arm-mounted gun; allowing them to become one with the Force; but Galvatron is simply not fast enough to keep up with the duo of Flash and Mon El who manage to punch him into oblivion.  

The once great henchmen of The Dino-MItes now deceased star player Darkseid are made quick work of by of the seemingly invincible Agent Smith.  Smith has a much more difficult time keeping up with The Black Racer; but once he catches up is able to dispatch "Silver Surfer on skis" as well.

Many dogfights are taking place in the tortured skies of The Playoff Planet including the five Aerialbots who are engaged with Santa and his sleigh.  None of the flying Autobots can catch up, but the tides are turned when The Aerialbots merge to form Superion.  The massive Gestalt would definitely have the upper hand in the other 364 & 1/4 days of the year; but this is Christmas after all.  The unified sparks of a Cybertronian Gestalts are well hidden and protected; but Rudolph with his nose so bright guided the sleigh right to it.  

"TAKE THE REINS CORBIN"!!  Santa yells to Dallas in the seat next to him as Santa stands up in the sleigh and takes aim with his Colt 1911.  Normally a magazine full of .45 ACP would not even scratch Superion; but with the right amount of Christmas magic, we all saw the sky light up like, well..... like...... a Christmas Tree I guess.  Despite this festive ending, this was not the only dogfight taking place.  Han and Chewie in their new Y-1300 Light Freighter are putting on a flying clinic as they blast Aurra Sing, Bossk, and even the ace pilot Wedge Antilles himself out of the sky.  Although Wedge did take out Kirk and Picard beforehand despite being very outgunned by the Enterprise ship.  

Santa & Corbin regroup with Han & Chewie and begin flying side by side, when they are met by two tiny airborne figure.  The two Avatars, Aang and Alex are floating in mid-air when Aang bursts forth and energy shield of nearly every color in the rainbow mixed with his own powers materializes.  Alex then sends a fart shockwave through the shield turning the reindeer into venison and acting as an Ion Cannon towards The Falcon 2.  Han and Chewie rush to an escape pod, while Santa tells Corbin to unwrap the two presents behind their seats "FAST".  The two boxes hold a pair of parachutes for Santa and his homie; but their sleigh and Solo's new ship are no more.  

Wonder Girl is wielding The Sword of Light, which she has borrowed from Wonder Woman who has opted to use her own mythic sword, along with her shield and lasso for this epic Universe Bowl battle.  Wonder Girl engages in a well balanced sword fight with Kenobi; but the old Jedi Master eventually gains the high ground and we all know what happens next. 

Ajax is causing destruction in what is left of the city as if he were back on earth centuries before the Butlerian Jihad.  If he had a face it would reveal the biggest smile as these great memories flow through his ancient human brain.  Jay Garrick and Mon El rush to meet him; but Wonder Woman is held up for a surprisingly long amount of time by Enemy, whom is eventually dispatched by her with more than mid-level difficulty.  Wonder Woman rushes into her intended battle seeing a myriad of flashes and blasts from the weaponry of the mammoth Cymek Ajax.  By the time she gets there, The Titan has already dispatched Garrick, and Mon El is going with all out brute force against Ajax.  Wonder Woman does not see any better plan of attack in sight; so she joins the Daxomite in his attack.  The durability and strength of Wonder Woman and Mon El win out as the massive cyborg-machine is destroyed by their building leveling punches.  Wonder Woman does not survive the encounter though, as she punches through the Titan's fake head canister revealing a nuclear self-destruct surprise.  

The Flash with his Blue Lantern ring, inadvertantly powers up the new green lantern ring of the yellow lantern corps leader Sinestro to 200%; but Flash is still able to evade the attacks of Sinestro and end the Qwardian/Oa Menace when he delivers the second hardest punch in the DC Universe to his grill.

Link yells "CATCH" as he throws one of his bombs directly into the hands of Rumble to explode the Decepticon on his way to do battle with General Washington himself.  Washington drops his musket and pulls out his saber, knowing that his sword-fighting skills may not be up to par with the elf of Hyrule.  

"I may not win this match; but my troops have done better than expected today, and we aren't finished yet"  Says Washington to Link as they prepare to draw swords against one another.  

George puts up a good fight, but as expected is dispatched by Link and his superior sword-play.  Link turns to walk away, as Washington falls to the ground.  Washington knows he is dying; but he pulls out his shiny Christmas sidearm and pulls the flintlock trigger saying:  "Sorry kid; but you can't always play fair if you want to win".  

Grayson attempts to back up Axe Cop against Overkill; but his help is not needed.  Axe Cop is reminded of his own dinosaur Wexler when he sees the Decepticon-Cassette-Certosaurus and chops off his metal head.  

We know that T-1000 is susceptible to extreme cold; but the same goes for extreme heat as he clashes with Human Torch causing the two of them to meld together and join one another in death.  A similar occurrence takes place as Shazam and Agent Smith engage in a pitched battle (Happy New Year Becks).  They punch each other an uncountable number of times until exhaustion overtakes them both causing them to collapse in each other's arms.  

As the battle and Christmas come to a close what is left of these two great teams regroup with their squad members and slowly walk up for what they know will be last showdown of The Universe Bowl and the Season.  

Han Solo, Chewbacca, and Ben Kenobi walk up with their weapons out as they meet up with Santa and Corbin and move towards the Dino-Mites who still outnumber them by one soldier.  Santa smirks and looks over at his pal Corbin and says:  

"Hey Corbin, remember that pure lead bullet, I put at the toe of your stocking??  Now's the time".

"Sorry Dude, Merry Christmas" he says as he pulls out his gun and puts the all lead bullet into the Daxomite Mon El, taking out the powerful Dino-MIte.    

At this point it becomes uncertain if Santa Claus could even possibly be defeated on Christmas Day......  Or if it would even be the right thing to do to try.  The Avatars Aang and Alex move in at breakneck speed towards Santa and Corbin Dallas knowing full well that only the power of The Avatar can maybe undo the Christmas Magic that is on their side.  An enormous explosion of pure energy blinds the other competitors leaving them clueless as to what happened.    

The Flash, Axe Cop, and the Double Lightsaber wielding young Grayson move in towards Han, Chewie, and Kenobi.  Kenobi says something about becoming more powerful when they strike him down; but it doesn't keep him from getting struck down.  The Flash does most of the work taking out the Jedi Master and leaves the two shipless smugglers as an after thought.  

The Flash, Axe Cop, and Grayson cautiously move towards the slowly dissipating smoke to find Aang and Alex obliterated despite the great power they possessed.  At this realization, Axe Cop rushes in with his Axe drawn ready to wreak havoc on the House Elves that even the two Avatars could not stop.  

But, when he gets there Axe Cop has a change of heart.  He sees the two men who are supposed to be his enemies lying on the ground and feels an emotion that he does not quite understand.  Axe Cop puts the axe handle of his weapon under the head of Corbin, propping him up and rips off his own shirt, tearing it to make a tourniquet for Kris Kringle's bleeding leg.  

"HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN"??  Screams Corbin.  "How can we lose on Christmas Day??  Don't you realize that this is Santa Claus next to me??  Don't you know what Christmas is all about"??  Finishes Dallas.

Young Grayson steps up and puts a hand Axe Cop's shoulder, right after he points to the gleaming blue lantern ring of hope on The Flash's finger and tightly grasps his small crucifix necklace saying:  "Santa, we appreciate you and love what you are; and the Christmas magic will always bring you back next year as long as we believe.  But you were never what Christmas was about.  Christmas is about making heavy hearts light.  It is about turning anger into love (sparking a smile from Axe Cop), it is about creating hope when there is none (sparking a glimmer from Flash's ring), and most importantly about the birth of Christ to lead us all to a better life (sparking a gleam from his necklace).  That's the meaning of Christmas.

Corbin in his weakened state begins to speak up; but Santa Claus stops him saying:  "He's right Corbin.  He's right.  Christmas doesn't belong to me.  It belongs to us all.  Merry Christmas Dino-Mites.  You have been very good this year and  The Universe Bowl is your present"......