George Washington's House Elves Vs. The Empire

 George Washington's House Elves are Doctor Octopus, Green Goblin, Mysterio, Sandman, Electro, Vulture, Gandalf the Grey, Harry Potter on a Quiddich broom, Cicada, Red She Hulk, Mr. Spock in F-18, Capt. Rex in F-18, Mike Tyson, Ron Weasaly, Luke Skywalker in his Stealth X-Wing, Sandworm #10-14, Capt. Kirk in F-35, Capt. Picard in F-35, Omnius, Ajax, Dobby, George Washington, The Wampa, Wizard, Warrior, Valkyrie, & Elf, Sirius Black, Bulk & Skull, Alpha, Zordon, Goldar, Fenster, Dick Tracey, Zangief, Meneleus & Agamemnon, Mangy Mouse, Roy Koopa, The Paw Patrol:  Chase, Marshall, Rubble, Zuma, Sky, Rocky, Ryder, Everest, & Tracker in their vehicles, Bob, Linda, Tina, Jean, Louise, & Teddy in Endurance, & John Schlade in his Turbo Deactivated Dodge Daytona.  Extra Stuff:  Milennium Groudy, Ixian Ship, & Chris's Firespray 31, Hammer Bros. Suit, Frog Suit.

The Empire is Polaris, Azula (w/a fire flower), Aqualad, Wendy the Good Witch, Blink, Michael Myers, The Ancient One, Jinx, The Green Goblin, Tybalt (w/ a Force Saber), Jesse Quick, HR, Impulse, Joe West, Vibe, The Rancor, Green Arrow, Samus, Scarecrow, Splinter, Lazarus Long, Firestorm, Kirby, Miss Martian, Orion, Danger Mouse & Penfold in DM's car, Argent, Starfire, Sonic the Hedgehog, Miles "Tails" Prowess, Starman, Jack Baur, Teddy Roosevelt (w/ a flame thrower), Ash, Pikachu, Squirtle, Ryachu, Blastois, & Green Orc #1-8.  Extra Stuff:  2 snow speeders, AT-RT, Dry Bones' Kart, The Arc, Apache Helicopter, Submarine, Mystery Machine, Bi-Plane, Luke's Snow Speeder, Harley Davidson, TIE Bomber, Z-95 Headhunter, Jeep Wrangler, Sky Runner, Red Lantern Ring, Blue Lantern Ring, Star Sapphire, Speed Ring, 4 Glocks, Memory Wiper, 2 Bo staffs, Batarang, & a cape feather.

Precursor to The Great Reboot  Part 1 

Maybe the conspiracy theorists are right, is the headline of the major newspapers and online articles being passed about amongst the people of the Playoff Planet.  Maybe this is the beginning of another Great Reboot.  The talk of their world being nothing but a simulation created with nefarious purpose, the ancient texts spelling out disaster in this very month of this very year, the astrologers, the zealots, the preppers, the historians, the radicals, the nutjobs, and the alternative media spouting fear of the end being near.  The apocalypse.  The looming Reboot that the Normies refuse to believe is on the horizon.  It may just start here.  

 And now here.  Right on cue, two armies of fighters show up to perfectly distract the masses from what the awake know looms on the horizon.  The distraction.  The Roman Circus.  The charade.  The storm before the calm.  

Massive alien craft, unimaginable beasts, men of renown, and creatures either long forgotten or never dreamt of flood every corner of the planet as its populace retreat in an attempt to huddle in the closest dark corner of every available room.    

Let's throw in a little bit of match to even out the sophistry, shall we??  The Wampa ate Pikachu before the The Rancor ate the Wampa, but then the Sandworms ate the Rancor on their way to crashing into the ocean drowning in the sea, creating the water of life whom no person in this match has the proper pranu-bindu training to handle the transformation killing Aqualad, and melting through the submarine which contained Joe West, HR, and Scarecrow.  

 Random protests and fiery, yet mostly peaceful riots about totally unrelated media fueled events, controversies, and cultural struggles are popping up all around the Playoff Planet as the inhabitants of this place are overrun with fear.  So as not to have a battlefield overly wrought with the distractions and collateral damage bodies lined up, a healthy portion of the fighting is being done in the air above the city's skyline and forest trees.  Not that there will not be collateral damage from the subjects of the Playoff Planet like there always is; but at least the combatants will not see as much of it up close as the debris and destruction comes falling from above.  

The large Ixian Ship and The Endurance, along with their armada serve to block out the rays of the sun and provide shade to the city down below, while they become surrounded by The Arc and its accompanying  vehicles in service of The Empire.   Aerial dog fights break out everywhere, Capt. Picard in his F-35 guns down Teddy Roosevelt and Jinx in the Apache Helicopter; but TR survives the fall because he had just merged with the Starman from Super Mario Bros.  Green Arrow and Tybalt in the gunner's chair get some revenge when they blast Picard out of the sky in the Snow Speeder and then follow it up with a second kill by doing the same to Capt. Kirk in his F-35.  Spock and Capt. Rex in their F-18s join the dog fight, but are both taken out by Lazarus Long in his own F-18.  Up on top of a nearby skyscraper, Splinter makes short work of Zordon, Alpha, Bulk, Skull, Goldar, and Fenster with some serious ninja moves making me think that the Power Rangers martial arts skills may actually be a little sus.  Right next to them Miss Martian ran the Gauntlet killing the Wizard, Warrior, Valkyrie, & Elf (see what I did there) on her way to caving in the face of Sirius Black.   Dick Tracey caught a storm of fire from Firestorm who also burnt up Agamemnon, Menelaus, and Zangief but then Red She Hulk and Gandalf showed up to the party and took out Firestorm, Splinter, Miss Martian, as well as Jesse Quick, Vibe, and Impulse who couldn't quite get away from the reach of Gandalf's light of Anor.  Back to the air above, The Empire fighter ships have taken out all of the Omnius crafts that seemed to be endlessly multiplying.  Jack Baur in a Z-95 Headhunter took out the massive flying form of Ajax the Titan Cymek and smacked Harry Potter off his broom and out of the sky with the wing of the ship.  The three remaining Empire Members in this dog fight form up to regroup, but before Green Arrow, Baur, and Lazurus Long can move on to a secondary target Luke Skywalker shows up out of nowhere in his Stealth X-Wing and takes out all three of them Maverick style.  The air fight continues as The Green Goblin starts fighting The Green Goblin on their gliders.  They both knock each other off and become a pair of green goobers on the sidewalk below.  The Ixian Craft which contained Romeo, The Endurance piloted by Bob, Linda, Tina, Jean, Louise, and Teddy; and The Arc containing Orion have all taken such intense damage that they come crashing down into the forest and city alike killing hundreds of innocent bystanders who were out protesting. 

Blink mysteriously killed Mysterio in the blink of an eye.  

Blink's eye was eaten out by The Vulture.

Michael Myers watched the Vulture run around like a vulture with its head cut off after he cut off The Vulture's head. 

Doc Ock did eight surgeries on Michael Myers to fix his problem of not dying.

The Ancient One outlived Doc Ock.  

Now that that is over with, let's head back down to the Forest, which has already been set ablaze from all of the fierce fighting.  Polaris starts using scrap metal from the fallen ships to crush and skewer Sandman, Electro, and Roy Koopa, while Cicada manages to punch through the faces of Argent, Starfire, and Azula with The DC Universe's second hardest punch thanks to the Speed Force.  Ash chooses Squirtle, Ryachu, and Blastois to take out the Paw Patrol crew much like what seems to happen to every little kid once they start to think Pokemon is cool and Paw Patrol "is for kids".  The Pocket Monsters and their boss move to take on Ron Weasaly next and are successful but only at great peril as only Squirtle survives the fight.  Samus' arms ain't long enough to box with Iron Mike Tyson so she shoots him with a wave ray instead.  

Gandalf and The Ancient One have an epic battle that went on for days within another realm that would make for an amazing twenty minute long special effects fest in an action movie; but I don't have time to go all Tolkien on this; so just take my word for it when I say they were both amazing and have earned their rest as they join each other in death.  

Polaris manages to get Cicada caught inside one of the fast moving pieces of metal she is manipulating, but Mangy Mouse caught the piece she threw at him and delivered it back through her chest.  Mangy Mouse then brutally takes out his mouse brethren Danger Mouse and Penfold after catching up to their fast moving little sports car; but the Mighty Mouse villain isn't fast enough to get away from Sonic and Tails who spin attack him into oblivion.  Red She Hulk pounds Wendy the Good Witch into the ground; but is eaten by Kirby who absorbs her powers.  Dobby blasts Kirby with some pretty potent magic before Kirby can take advantage of his new super strength; but Dobby is taken out as well by an ice ray/missile combo from Samus.  Things are looking good for The Empire as they begin to regroup in a non-fiery forest outcropping, until Luke from his X-Wing takes out all eight of their orcs in a strafing run before ejecting with his lightsaber and taking on what's left of the whole team.  A quick lightsaber swipe leaves Tails with no head and a Force Push into a nearby tree leaves Squirtle squashed.  Luke deflects Samus' lasers back at her destroying her space suit as well as her and then tosses his lightsaber directly into the chest of Sonic the Hedgehog.  As Luke uses the Force to bring the saber back to his hand, Teddy Roosevelt comes in quick behind the Jedi, putting him in a strangle hold and stabbing him in the neck with his trusty hunting knife.  

"You think some Rebel is gonna take out The Bull Moose on America's birthday"!!  Teddy yells in defiance.      

Teddy goes sauntering back into town wondering who exactly remains from The House Elves Squad.  He can't imagine that there is any man capable of taking out him or his freedom loving spirit.  Not today.  Not on Independence Day.  

As Teddy walks out onto the city's main road, a Red Dodge Daytona pulls up slowly and comes to a stop in front of him.  Inside the car the driver, John Schlade turns his head to the right to speak to his passenger General George Washington.  Washington speaks first saying:  "Stay in the car.  I'll handle this alone".  

Washington and Roosevelt begin rolling up their sleeves and walking towards one another.  They drop all the weapons out of their belts and get ready to settle this not just like men.  But like Americans.  Washington nods to his opponent, while TR looks him in the eye and says:  "It had to be you....  Happy Independence Day Mr. President".  

They begin to grapple with each other and hold nothing back.  Trading haymakers that would put lesser men down for the count with ease.  Washington puts Roosevelt in a choke hold that he learned from an old British Sergeant in his youth; but Roosevelt counters with a reverse choke hold he learned from one of his Rough Riders in Spain.  You can't even tell these men are gasping for air as they are so focused on the attack.  On the victory.  Neither man with anger in his eyes, just determination.  Pure joy at meeting a worthy opponent who is living up to every iota of his reputation.  It isn't until the end, with neither man unwilling to relent that they both realize that The United States of America hasn't lost two Presidents on July Fourth since John Adams and Thomas Jefferson in 1826.  A shared thought between legends.

John Schlade, the sole survivor of the match gets out of his car ignoring the burning wreckage around him, shedding a single tear, not for the death of these great patriots; but for everything that is dying with it.