Season 14 Week 9: Horsemen vs Madhouse

Darkseid’s Horsemen of Apokolips is: Legends Leia Organa Solo, C-3P0, Samwise Gamgee, Kenny McCormick, Autobot Cassette #3

Doctor’s Madhouse is: Darth Vader

Darth Vader approaches Yoda’s Hut on Dagobah, his cloak dragging gently across the damp ground, his steps silent. As he enters the clearing, his stance changes from menacing to annoyed and confused. 

Yoda is seen outside setting up folding chairs in his yard. Darth Vader approaches and asks what he is doing here as he is not on the roster for either team. 

“Mmm. A bonfire, I am having. In my yard it will be.” Yoda replies. 

Vader says, “When are you having people over to your house?”

“Standing in my house, you are not. In the yard, we are. No?... mmm”

“I guess you are right.” Vader says as both him and Yoda turn toward the camera, breaking the fourth wall in your mind’s eye. “The yard is NOT the house, now is it?”

Yoda then saunters off to find roots and berries for his party while Vader approaches the hut to begin this epic, highly anticipated final week battle. 

There is elevated noise coming from the hut. A light glows from inside and several shadows are seen moving around as Vader pokes his head in the door announcing his presence. “Can you guys move over?! There’s no room!” Vader exclaims. 

(***Watcher Sidebar***)

I think it is important at this point in the match to mention here that Vader did toss some stuff around and knocked over Yoda’s table but once he was inside sitting Indian style, his helmet did clear the roof. There was plenty of room for him. The reason it was cramped and the reason Vader was annoyed is because someone (and we won’t name names) was trying to get him expelled from participation this week. And that same person who saw an issue with a couple extra inches in Vader’s height, apparently did not see an issue with playing 5 characters. That’s offensive to tall people. But that will not affect this watcher’s ability to write an unbiased match. I can easily rise above such hate.  OK Back to the action

Vader surveys his opponents. Samwise is manning the pot on the fire, boiling up some potatoes. Kenny is up in a hammock while Leia is trying to get C-3P0 to shut up as usual. The Autobot Cassette has transformed into a tiny robot and is walking around. 

“So, should I just kill you all and get this over with?” Vader says.

“Why so much hate, Mr Skywalker? We haven’t even had supper.” Says Sam.

Vader picks up the Cassette and crushes it easily in his hand, discarding the fragments into Sam’s stew. He then picks up the pot and throws the boiling water on Kenny before beating Sam to death with the pot. Vader ignites his lightsaber and puts Kenny out of his misery. (you bastard) He then force pushes Threepio into the corner with extreme force crushing every internal circuit and battery. The force causes an old crate to fall off a shelf and Yoda’s old lightsaber to roll across the floor. 

Leia picks up the saber and while a small fit in her hand she is able to ignite it and make a shuffle across the floor to try her best at committing patricide. But c’mon guys. It’s Vader… against a woman. After just a few volleys with the saber he cuts off her hand and then force pushes her out the window. He can hear her body fall amidst the chairs outside on the lawn. 

Vader collects himself and heads outside. Leia is disoriented and trying to stand up. Vader picks up a folding chair and brings it down swiftly on her neck, breaking it instantly. He looks up to see an annoyed Yoda with a small basket of good food shaking his head. Yoda thought about inviting the former Jedi to stay and join the party later, but he felt that his presence would be an issue. Yoda sensed much beer in him.