Gayneighbors from Outer Drive Vs. The Sigmas

 

Gayneighbors from Outer Drive are The Watchmen:  The Comedian, Nite Owl, Silk Spectre (w/ purple lightsaber), Ozymandias & Rorschach (w/ orange lightsaber), Unalaq, Desna, Eska, The Noid, Freddy Kruger, Gobo, Mokey, Red, Wembley, Boober, Uncle Traveling Matt, Mick Foley, Dark Side Marauder #1-5, Refrigerator Perry, Santa's Little Helper, Junkeon #10, & Storm Trooper #6-7.

The Sigmas are Dante & Randall in The Millennium Chowder, Vincent Vega, Marcellus Wallace, MLK Jr., Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, Benito Mussolini, Aristotle, Fred Stathers (w/ a Ray Gun), Linda from Copper Door, Nikki Royse, Mystique, Roboto, Snout Spout, Whiplash, Bene Gesserit #1-7, & Blaster w/ Rewind, Eject, Grandslam, Raindance, Nightstalker, Playback, Ramhorn, Steel jaw, Dile, Zaur, Graphy, Noise, Rosanna, Stripes, & Blackcat.  

7:15 PM

Welcome to Redford, MI and the famous Sandy's by the Beech.  The year is 1999 and the world is still free (at least it feels like it (the illusion is still strong before the turn of the Millennium)).  It is the Monday night after hunting season, pitchers of Bud Light are like a nickel or something, every other shot is free, the smell of Marlboro is in the air, mixing with the smell of Sandy's Delight, backroom cigars are about to happen, and Kurt Houslander:  The King of Sandy's himself has assembled an elite group of De-Generates including Tom, his nephew Josh, the young bachelor Chris Artrip, Eddie Zacharski, and Larry Reamer.  One of the first meetings of the Ill Council will take place this night.  Sandy's is packed (why wouldn't it be??  It's a Monday night in the 90s).  Kurt and his crew are just some chill guys; so they sit in the back area leaving the front part of the bar for the Riff Raff.  The look of Sandy's is mostly unchanged as it will remain for decades to come; but they do instantly notice a new bright red juke box in the back corner that looks pretty sweet.  

7:45 PM

Some Gay, meat suit wearing neighbors show up early for dinner, which is good because there is about a half hour wait to get inside.  Uncle Traveling Matt had been to Sandy's before in his past travels and since he and his homies were in town he convinced them that they had to try it.  They all pile into the vestibule shoulder to shoulder to wait for tables or seats at the bar after Colleen tells them that she isn't pushing tables together for the whole squad and that they would just have to deal with it.  I mean:  Who do they think they are, Houslanders??  Junkeon #10 isn't allowed inside; No........  Not because they don't serve his kind here, he is just too big to get in the door.  He transforms into his motorcycle form and waits in the parking lot with the other cool looking cars and trucks (no SUVs, the world doesn't suck yet).  Santa's Little Helper is denied access as well by Dar who laughs at them when they try to pull some emotional support animal crap.  It's the 90s, nobody effing cares about your emotions or your support.  Santa's Little Helper makes his way 3/4 of a mile east of there into Detroit and joins a wild pack of dogs.  From there he is quickly killed by a street gang; probably the Square Boyz or The Latin Counts (unlike Zach, I have no problem killing off dogs in my matches, even in the intro).  Like I mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph, these are a happy group of fellows, just here for a good time (for you youngsters reading this, it was the last century, and gay still meant happy back then in the olden times).  Uncle Traveling Matt recognizes someone he knows at the very first table by the ATM (yes, they had ATMs in the 90s); and they save it for him as they are leaving.  He sits down front and center with Gobo, Mokey, Red, Wembley, Boober, and The Noid.  They are a fun group and fit right in with Sandy's eclectic crowd.  Refrigerator Perry and Mick Foley grab the first two seats at the bar.  Freddy Kruger snatches up a bar stool by the back door, along with Unalaq, Desna, & Eska.  The Watchmen walk in last and take the very back table in the front room.  Rorschach hasn't showered since Nineteen-80-EVER, but his rank smell seems to go unnoticed through the thick cloud of smoke.  This makes Silk Spectre and Ozymandias happy considering that they have to share a table with him and they are both hungry.  The Comedian has a fresh cigar going and is loving life as he lean back in his chair and admires all the Redford talent, with their famous busty figures on display (it's weird, but true.  Just something in the water in Redford (trust me, it's science)).  The five Dark Side Marauders are outside in the parking lot ripping death sticks, because they don't realize that Michigan hasn't become a Statist Hellhole quite yet and that they are allowed to smoke inside.  Storm Trooper #6 & 7 (6767676767 ha ha) look around for a seat but a couple of off duty Redford Cops see them and decide that they don't like some other pigs hanging out in their bar trying to steal their proverbial Kool Aid.  The cops take the Troopers out back for an old fashioned shooting contest.  The Storm Troopers miss.  RPD doesn't.  

8:15 PM

The Sigmas show up late and aren't in great moods.  Maybe you could say they are looking for a fight, maybe you could say they aren't.  You see, up to this point; no team in Fantasy Fantasy history has ever gone winless for an entire season and The Sigmas are not happy about potentially being the first.  They all filter into the bar with chips on their shoulders and try to find some seats wherever they can.  Nikki Royse has just celebrated her 21st birthday and instantly finds someone willing to give up their seat at the bar for her (like she always does).  She then convinces the guy sitting next to her to stand up, so her friend Linda from The Copper Door can sit  (Linda, I don't think should even be born yet to be honest, but we won't get into that time vortex now).  Nikki lights up a cowboy killer, and instructs the bar keep that she wants to order 2 Budweisers, two lemon drops, the Mexican Basket, A half pound burger extra rare, a chicken sandwich, and whatever Linda wants.  Fred Stathers wanders into the back and sees one of his favorite Youngens Larry and some other familiar faces.  He plops down and drinks every Miller Genuine Draft that Sandy had ordered for the month of November in exactly sixty minutes and zero seconds before he decides to go out on the prowl and chase some girls.  He leaves them with this bit of wisdom saying:  "The problem with going to Sandy's by the Beech, is that you can't leave the place without getting laid".  Dante and Randall are still chilling in the parking lot in the cherry 88' Dodge Daytona Pacifica with the T-Tops off.  The car, commonly referred to as The Millinnium Chowder was just gifted to them by Josh Houslander last week after they tied the knot dressed as Storm Troopers in a Star Wars themed Wedding at The Unitarian Church.  Rumor has it that Randall is the butch, and Dante is the b****.  At least that is what I heard.  Mystique is someone in this bar, I am just not sure who.  Vincent Vega is cool, but his rizz has nothing on the two brothas he is hanging out with, walking up and down the front center aisle.  The three dudes are showing some serious swagger as Vincent follows the lead of Marcellus Wallace and Martin Luther KIng Jr. In his designer suit.  Marty looks at Marcellus and says:  "Damn Mr. Wallace, Ima tell you what.  I'm gonna do you a solid and let you have the second finest Redford white chick in here after I take my pick of the litter.  There may even be some scraps left fror you Vince".  Marcellus Wallace brings Marty in for the half man hug as he is allowed his retort of:  "My N****".  Snout Spout, Whiplash, and Roboto are in the mood to throw down and they take a seat near the back next to The Watchmen and a big pickle tub full of foreshadowing.  At the table near the entrance to the backroom, sits Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, Benito Mussolini, & Aristotle.  I was convinced that I was about to overhear some fantastic bit of philosophical conversation taking place here; but instead they are mostly just discussing how they can't believe how many coloreds have been allowed in this establishment (it's like five).  The Seven Bene Gesserits never made it inside, and instead got in a tussle with the Dark Side Marauders.  I never saw any of them again.  I don't know exactly how the fight went down because I am enjoyig my Schooner on Texas Toast with Bacon (and why do I have to keep reminding you that you don't have to go outside to smoke).  

9:45 PM

Dante and Randall are mostly arguing over who is going to go spit some game at that Nikki chick on their team.  Randall is pretty sure she wants him, especially since she say their sweet Daytona and said that whoever drives that car must be the coolest dude of all time.  Maybe some day she will find him.  But, The Clerks then realize that Junkeon #10 is more than just a motorcycle and challenge him to a race.  One might think that the space age Cybertronian technology built into the transformer would blow the doors off of this poor man's sports car from the 80s, but you obviously do not understand the turbo charged Mopar power of the 88' Daytona.  If you have any doubt of the intense speed that could be harassed by The Millinnium Chowder than you should probably listen to the song "Turbo Charged" by Nico Blue.  And then try not to kill yourself.  The race heads west on Five Mile towards Bates in Livonia, when Junkeon #10, already severely behind crashes into The Golden Lantern Restaraunt, changing the timeline making into become Sam's Place several years earlier.  Dante and Randall disappear into Livonia and are never heard from again.  It is rumored that they were surrounded by dozens of insanely hot chicks and smothered to death by them.  This was a common problem for dudes who drove the Millinnium Chowder.  

10:45 PM

Josh is too broke for anything other than beer, so Kurt gives him some money and says:  "Play something good on the Juke box Fag".  So Josh does as instructed.  Josh and Ed then walk over to the fancy new, shiny, red Jukebox; but just as their first Nine Inch Nails Song begins to play, they realize that it is not an ordinary Juke Box; but actually the Autobot Blaster, who then ejects Rewind, Eject, Grandslam & Raindance (who merge to form Slamdance), Nightstalker, Playback, Ramhorn, Steeljaw, Dile, Zaur, Graphy, Noise, Rosanna, Stripes, & Blackcat.

10:50 PM

All Hell has broken loose.

10:51 PM

Josh and Ed return to the table.  Chris and Tom are mildly annoyed by the ruckus.  Kurt and Larry order another round of Rattle Snakes.  

10:52  PM

Colleen quickly brings the shots, and empties the ash trays with the help of Dar and assures the guys that this round is "On Sandy".  She then calls us stupid for not ordering two more pitchers a minute ago.  She was right.  They were thirsty.

10:53 PM

Kurt and the crew quench their thirst and quit bing parched for the time being.

11:00  PM

The bar is being torn apart by the two rival gangs.  Must be The Square Boyz and The D-KingZ again is what most of the regular patrons think.  

11:30 PM

As Blaster's Cassettes rush into the front room to join the brawl already in progress, they see that The Comedian, Ozymandias, Rorschach, and NIte Owl have already been killed; but that didn't stop The Watchmen from taking some dudes down with them.  Silk Spectre wasn't in the fight for some reason.  She was last seen eyeing Fred Stathers' Ray Gun and I guess they left together.  Roboto, Snout Spout, and Whiplash went down as well.  Freddy Kruger is still standing for now; but his powers are diminished here.  Because Sandy's don't sleep MY DAWGS.  RECOGNIZE.  The Avatar dudes see their fellow Neighbors going down and start putting on a clinic all over Blaster's Cassettes.  Blaster himself has been destroyed by a well placed hammer blast from The Noid.  No more Nine Inch Nails.  The Fraggles are Butt Housed; but having the time of their life.  Can't say they are much help in the fight though.  They just start arguing with Thomas Jefferson's table about baseball even though nobody involved has ever watched a sport.  Mick Foley body slams his own teammate William "Refrigerator" Perry as a dare from Benito Mussolini who is slamming red wine like it is white wine; but as it turns out The Fridge was actually Mystique so it worked out.  The real Fridge got shivved by the duo of Wallace and King for eyeing their chick-a-dees.  The Sigmas then try to put together a last ditch effort to destroy their enemies and not go winless this season and do finally take out Unalaq, Desna, & Eska after almost every Cassette and the rest of the squad are taken out in a long drawn out bar fight for the ages.  

                

1:45 AM

Kurt and the boys decide it is time to leave because they are nice guys and they don't want to stay until the last minute.  They know Colleen and Dar want to close the place up and get home.  It's called being a gentleman D-Bags.  As Josh stumbles out first, Kurt and Larry catch him checking out this hot skinny blonde chick cashing out at the bar.  Larry calls him a fag and says:  "Aren't you engaged or something"??  Kurt then makes reference to "Josh's tongue" and "her bung".  Chris and Ed can barely walk but they are talking about Doom and Duke NuKem.  Tom is laughing at all of them.  Larry seems totally fine and asks the Fraggles on the way out if he can give them a ride home.  They need it.  

1:50 AM

Chris asks the crew:  "That was kind of a crazy night at Sandy's wasn't it"??  Kurt replies:  "Meh, not really.  See ya next Monday Fags".  Everyone nods in agreement.  

1:59 AM

The bar is almost empty and the place is being cleaned up, when a very sober smallish, chick Autobot walks up the bar after having taken part in the battle royal that just concluded.  "Did I miss last call??  How about a wine cooler"??  Colleen rolls her eyes as she looks back at the clock and says:  "Fine....  Just one and your out of here".