Week 8: Cowboy Killers vs Brock Sampson's Murderflies

 The Cowboy Killers are Azazel, Kyle Houslander Dunadan Ranger w/ The Omnitrix, T-X, Firefly, Blackbolt, Hope Summers, Jason Bourne w/Death Note, 2 Degens

Brock Sampson’s Murderflies are Ghazan, Black Lantern Air Bender, The Flash, Adam Warlock, Colossus, Asgardian #1, Bill Cosby, Sue from the Copper Door, Aidan Hutchinson (w/ Daisho), Sherrone Moore (w/ Butter Knife), Colleen from Sandys, Ponyo, Sosuke, Guardian #1&#2 

Oh, Sandys by the Beech, where do I even begin? What was once a haven for great service and unlimited pickles has now turned into a bar of bitchy service and lesser food. But an atmosphere so immaculate that the houslanders and so many others just can’t stay away. And that is where our match takes place, except this time we’re exempt from shitty service and limited pickles because we’ve rented out the place for this occasion. As I get out of Chris and Julie's minivan and walk up to the bar, I get the same wave of magical nostalgia that I typically would get when attending a pre-movie meal, a birthday party, or a preceding Thanksgiving dinner, and I just know this is about to be a great time. 

Swinging open the door, I sit myself next to the ATM and take in the crowd of full tables and occupied bar seats. The Guardians are showing off their bartending skills while Ponyo and Sosuke are running out food to the Cowboy Killers. Brock Sampson’s Murderflies have been drinking since 3 PM, and it would appear Flash is the only team member in sight that isn’t at least a bit tipsy. 

“Boyyousurcinputownsumburssbarry”! Says Collosus

“Yeah, dude… I told you that” Barry Replies and the entire bar erupts in laughter as Barry shakes his head

I’ve never seen Sandys in such a compact setting with the back room being closed for the evening… I can foresee this getting messy quickly. 

Jason Bourne gets up to go take a fat poo and accidentally bumps Colossus’s chair. 

“TheHELLyoubumpinintoBOY” colossus yells without even turning around. 

“You, PUNK,” Jason replies. 

You can feel the atmosphere deflate and everybody's heads turn down in disappointment, letting out an internal sigh of “here we go.” 

Collosus jumps out of his barstool and picks Bourne up by the neck, taking this from a 0 to a 100 in one second as his drunken self repeatedly bashes his fist into Bourne's demolished skull. 

The degens yell from across the room and hurl their beer glasses at Colossus, “Yo what the heck bro that was Jason Bourne!”

Azazel appears on Colossus's shoulder; Colossus grabs ahold of his tail, but immediately loses his grip as Azazel teleports back and forth between the ceiling, the floor, and the bar. Colossus finally delivers a fatal jab to the chest of the immortal being and sends him through the side of the building, begging for more from the Cowboy Killers. 

Hope Summers puts down her chicken tender and has had enough of the bully Colossus as she focuses every ounce of her power from the phoenix force to melt him into a large pile of molten liquid, leaving a large hole in the ground where he stands. 

Oh crap… Colleens here. She’s about to be a massive bitch. Colleen reaches behind the bar and grabs hold of two cracked beer glasses and is about to go ham on these annoying customers with no regard to who’s on whose side. First, she walks up to Kyle and kills him with three sharp stabs to the stomach because she hates the houslanders now and needed to get them out of the way, first things first. Then she does the same to the degens who were hitting the penjamin in the back and just enjoying the show. Sue from the copper door lines up side by side with her food service teammate, but Colleen sticks the broken glass in her left hand right into her neck, leaving her in a pile of blood. Honestly, no idea why she did that. Maybe she wanted to lessen the competition? Or maybe she’s just retarded. Either way, she was really getting on Black Bolt's nerves, so he disintegrated her and finally put her out of her misery. RIP legend. 

T-X is ready to do some work on the puny humans of the murderflies. She approaches the 2021 Big Ten Champions with authority and is surprised by Aiden Hutchinson’s tenacity. Hutch throws a few jabs and immediately shatters his fists, so he resorts to a few wide kicks to the terminator’s figure that are also of no use. T-X crumbles hutch with a flying kick of her own and is face-to-face with the former Michigan coach. He’s so terrified that he just breaks down crying and swallows his butter knife. Not the most efficient way to kill himself, but it eventually got the job done. 

Adam Warlock and Hope Summers are going bar for bar, everything she throws at him, Adam sends right back at her with equal force. The Flash chimes in by running a tight circle around the two and keeping them both off balance in an attempt to keep Sandys in one piece. What was once a dim, calm setting is now lit up with manipulated energy and chaos. Black Bolt joins the party and sends precise sonic screams at Flash, trying to catch him off guard, but to no avail. The Phoenix Force and Adam Warlock's quantum energy are building, and just as Black Bolt was about to hit The Flash, all three of them collide, setting off a chain reaction that just blew the lid off of this place. Firefly ignites his thrusters and shoots out of the bar, hovering towards the traffic lights at Beech and 5 Mile. 

Ghazan tried to protect Ponyo and Sosuke as well as the Asgardian and Bill Cosby, but they were left in the same pile of ash and goo that terminated Black Bolt, Hope, Adam, and T-X in the explosion. 

Firefly watches from a few hundred yards away as several police cars swarm the area and rush the scene. Landing on the ground, preparing to report back to headquarters of a victory, he’s interrupted by his neck being broken with a snap by the fastest man alive.