Logical Genocide is Ion, Dr. Deathbrain & The Living Killing Roller Coaster, Cybertronian Guardian #9 (AKA Cuddles), V (with a Yellow Power Ring), Shatterstar, Chris Seeney in Lex Soar 7, Warwolf #7 (AKA Sgt. Stabbins), Warwolf #9 (AKA Fumbles), Prometheus, Jason Todd, The Hood, Iron Patriot, Magmar, Bronze Tiger, Terminator #40 (AKA clanks), Moonstone, & Adam Strange.
The Syracuse Valley is Soundblaster w/ Zombie Rumble, (movie) Frenzy, (movie) Ravage, Zombie Laserbeak, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawk Talk, Beast Box, & Fast Forward, (movie) Wheelie, The Decepticon Spy Bug, Decepticon #1 & 2, Young Anakin Skywalker in Odee Mandrell’s Pod, Sonic the Hedgehog (with a blue lightsaber), Knuckles (with a red lightsaber), Star Fox, Dash Rendar, & Leebo in a Y-Wing Bomber, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, (movie) Jazz, Go-bot #1, Rob Bartlett (with a halberd), Xenomorph #92 & 93, Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Baby Nightcrawler, Rayden & Kid Thunder, Wingnut & Screwloose, Scooter, The Toxic Avenger, Darth Rave, Splinter, & Little Goomba #5.
Logical Genocide: The most talked about 0 and 2 team in FFL history squares off against the Kings of the Graveyard Syracuse Valley. Logical Genocide has not yet had much success this season but they are definitely becoming a fan favorite with their zany press conferences and off-the-wall comments. The Syracuse Valley on the other hand is a fan favorite just because you can’t help but feel sorry for their massive graveyard send-offs last year. Ion and the yellow-powered V patrol the 2 opposite sides of the sky while Chris Seeney flies in the Lex-Soar 7 attempting to figure out the controls. Chris Seeney may have no piloting skills whatsoever, but luckily the Lex-Soar 7’s controls and advanced autopilot capabilities are easy enough for even the less than novice-level pilot (either that or the Commissioner is getting soft and he’ll approve anything these days). Darth Rave lights up the Coruscant sky and begins dancing around his opponents for what could be the last time as he uses his unconventional lightsabers to actually best Shatterstar in a one on one fight. The Darth Maul trained Sith Lord and FFL veteran than uses a burst of Sith Lightning to kill Magmar before he can move toward the Sith. Darth Rave stands victorious, until The Lex-Soar 7 comes crashing down, directly on top pf Darth Rave. Lord Rave did indeed sense this oncoming danger thru his mastery of the force, but he did not have enough time to react. Later on, Chris Seeney will tell everyone that he totally crashed this jet on Darth Rave on purpose. I mean after all it was well worth it to take out this powerful Sith Lord before he made his last stand even more impressive but as the guy that witnessed it…. I’m not so sure. The brave Chris Seeney rolls away from the wreckage of the Lex-Soar 7, proud of what will be his first mention in The FFL Graveyard. Seeney is attempting to muster up enough strength to get to his feet and continue fighting for his team when the might Baby Nightcrawler approaches. Seeney sneers at the face of this luminous threat and doesn’t back down for a second even when Baby Nightcrawler pulls his own white finger to create the fart that he expels in Seeney’s face before he kills Chris with a piece of Lex-Soar 7 shrapnel. Xenomorphs #92 & 93 attack The Hood and begin ripping at his flesh. The Hood uses his twin Glocks to blow away Xenomorph #92, but at this point the proximity to the aliens is to close and The Hood dies as well from the spray of the Xenomorph’s acid blood. Prometheus then hurls a parked speeder down on top of Xenomorph #93 from atop a nearby building to finish him off. Unfortunately for Little Goomba #5, his 10th death is just as insignificant as most of his other one’s were as he is jumped on by the evil and treacherous Dr. Death Brain. Prometheus then steals the idea from his teammate Dr. Death Brain and jumps off the building he was standing on and lands directly on top of Go-bot #1 as if he were a mere little goomba as well. Anakin races in his pod around the moving tracks of the Living Killing Roller Coaster. The Living Killing Roller Coaster, which if you are not familiar with the Capt. Latin America and The Pretenders comic series is a living roller coaster that likes to kill things. It primarily kills things that are living (I’m surprised you didn’t know that). Anakin flies around the roller coaster quickly and beats the roller coaster to it’s own finish gate (for the sake of the story, we’re going to act like that matters for some reason). As little Skywalker’s pod is sitting in the end gate of the roller coaster tracks, the Living Killing Roller Coaster viciously slams into the back of Odee Mandrell’s old pod. This knocks the Young Anakin out of the pod, but what the Living Killing Roller Coaster does not realize in it’s twisted metal-geared mind is that Anakin already cracked the seal on the pod-thrusters to ignite the pod’s power source. So once the Living Killing Roller Coaster slammed into the back of the pod it caused a totally wizard explosion which turned The Living Killing Roller Coaster into the Dead Harmless Roller Coaster. Anakin lay on the ground totally unconscious when Dr. Death Brain comes running up with his magical cattle prod and electric face destroyer when Sonic the Hedgehog comes running up out of nowhere (he’s fast ya know). Sonic pulls out his blue lightsaber and uses it to remove the head of Dr. Death Brain before the evil scientist could see him coming in his prism-powered monocular (his other eye was of course destroyed many years ago in a fight with Capt. Latin America (see the origin of Dr. Death Brain in The Pretenders Annual #4 (This is also eluded to in The Bottomless Stomach mini-series issue #3))). It is also Strange that Adam did not see Sonic coming as the blue hedgehog makes the most of what is destined to be his last FFL appearance. Sonic spin attacks Adam Strange with his lightsaber out to take out the space man before Ion comes down and shows the league why he was the first overall pick this year. Ion not only deals a graveyard blast to Sonic but also takes out Sonic’s buddy Knuckles, Nocturne, and Decepticon #1 with his initial green energy blasts. V swoops down from the opposite end of the battle to take out Nightcrawler before he can bamf out of the way, as well as Wingnut and Screwloose with a pair of yellow energy knives thrown from his new ring. Rob Bartlett tries to use his new Halberd on Jason Todd, but the angst filled young Todd delivers a kick to the face and an imitation batarang to the chest of the Bartster to take him out. Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian steps on Jazz to allow the Auto bot to do what he does best (ya know, die). The death of this particular Autobot is no metal shavings off the nose of Megatron and Starscream, but the 2 Decepticons do avenge Jazz by using their Cybertronian weaponry to blow the Guardian to pieces from the air. The Iron Patriot has basically made Clanks the Terminator his personal bodyguard and sidekick which is why they attack the attack Rayden & Kid Thunder together, after the 2 of them use their artillery to blast Scooter to pieces. Although the Norman Osborne and his lackey are slightly stunned and slowed down by both the electrical blasts of Rayden and the cuteness of Kid Thunder, they do manage to take out the Mortal Kombat characters with their advanced weaponry. Their victory is in fact short-lived though as they are blown apart from the air from the bombs shot by Star Fox and his co-pilot Dash Rendar. Dash, who is an exceptional pilot in his own right, was initially bothered by the fact that he was chosen to be second fiddle to anyone, but once he got in the back seat, and saw Star Fox’s skills he was quite alright with the job. The 2 of them are flying thru the air making the Y-Wing Bomber look like a much more graceful vehicle than it should or normally would if it were controlled by lesser pilots. Splinter and Bronze Tiger square off in a hand to hand combat match that is one for the ages (it is almost as good as the fight between Nick and Mike at the end of There’s Something About Dribble). Bronze Tiger gets in some great hits, but in the end it is experience that wins out over strength as Splinter delivers a killing blow to Bronze Tiger’s throat. Moonstone moves against Soundblaster, but the Decepticon then ejects all of his tapes. Moonstone hits Zombie Laserbeak with a hefty of photon blast and then gets both Wheelie and the spy bug with some aftershocks that are more than enough to wipe out the likes of them. The 2 Warwolves rush in to help out Moonstone and they manage to double team both Ravage and then Overkill, before they are taken out by the familiar yet not so familiar team-up of Zombie Rumble and movie Frenzy against Sgt. Stabbins and Soundblaster and Slugfest against Fumbles. Moonstone is having trouble catching the speedy little Autobot turned pseudo-Decepticon tape known as Fast Forward, but she does eventually cut him off by manipulating the gravity around him and then destroys him with her super-strength by crushing in his metal head. She is then taken off guard when the mini-gestalt known as Squawkbox uses his laser gun to blast her apart (it took a lot of shots, but eventually they were able to finish her off). Ion begins chasing after the Fox/Rendar piloted Y Wing, but despite Ion’s amazing speed, he is still having trouble catching up to the vehicle. V with his yellow power ring steps up to take on Sounblaster and his remaining tapes, but Decepticon #2 & Megatron fly in to help Soundblaster out. Prometheus rushes to the aid of V and punches a hole thru the head of Decepticon #2, but when Jason Todd runs in to help he is blasted by an aerial pot shot from Starscream, who is on the way to lend a hand to Star Fox. Anakin, Baby Nightcrawler, Splinter, and The Toxic Avenger rush in to join the fight as well. V and Prometheus manage to combine their powers to take out Soundblaster, who inadvertently falls on top of Baby Nightcrawler; but they know that they are going to need help from Ion if they are going to finish off what is left of The Valley. Ion realizes that his few remaining teammates, though powerful are heavily outnumbered, so he kicks his speed up even faster. He manages the amazing feat of actually and finally shooting Star Fox’s Y-Wing out of the air. Leebo, who had to be partially taken apart to get into the ship’s droid slot was killed in the initial blast, but Star Fox and Dash Rendar did eject in time. Ion sees Dash Rendar parachuting down above him, and although he doesn’t like doing it blasts the Rendar like the sitting duck that he is. Ion has now dive bombed down to look for Star Fox so he can blast him from below, but what he doesn’t realize is that McLeod is crazy. Crazy like a Star Fox that is. Star Fox has ignited Darth Maul’s old lightsaber and has cut his own parachute. The free-falling Star Fox then surprise attacks Ion by falling on top of him and from mid-air puts the double bladed lightsaber into Raynor’s chest. Star Fox is more than content knowing that he gave his life to take out Ion when Starscream flies underneath him to catch the Syracuse Valley’s prize pilot in mid-air. V sees this transpire, and although yellow lanterns and gods are not known for retreating, that is exactly what he and Prometheus do against these overwhelming odds.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Week Three: Alice's Wonder Team vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
Alice's Wonder Team is The Q Continuum: Q, Q2, True Q, Q Representative, Lady Q, q, and Quinn, Hyperion, SSJ4 Gogeta, Ewok #47 and Treasure Troll #17.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Mr. Mxyztlplk, Dr. Impossible, Rogue, Omega Supreme, Larfleeze, Ganthet & Sayd, Thrasher & Bill Kelly (with a blue lightsaber) in The Thunder Machine, Queen Aga'po, Nightwing & Carlos Chiappe-Soto (with a green lightsaber) in the Modern Age Batmobile (AKA the Tumbler), Wicket & Paploo on a scooter, Ttanus, Peppermint Patti, Marci, Mas y Menos, Gobo, Zombie Parasite, Treasure Troll #1, & Ewok Baby #1 & 2.
“Star Trek Mr. Mxyztlplk, my ass!” shouts Mr. Mxyztlplk. “I’ll show Ryatu!” The Fifth Dimension Imp uses his powers to wipe Q Representative off the this plane of existence. He then disappears himself, before any of the Q’s can retaliate. Omega Supreme has fortified himself at the foot of the Senate building on Coruscant. Rogue is flanked by Larfleeze, Queen Aga’po, Ganthet and Sayd. They quickly find themselves face to face with Hyperion on SSJ4 Gogeta. Queen Aga’po surprisingly is the first to react and takes a shot at the Dragonball super being. Gogeta dodges it with ease and proceeds to light the Star Sapphire up like a Christmas tree with several punches and then hits her with a Stardust Breaker. Hyperion immediately attacks Larfleeze who is now consumed with trying to steal SSJ4 Gogeta’s powers. The Superman rip off then smashes Larfleeze’s Orange Power Battery as well as his skull. Ganthet and Sayd then use their powers to launch Zombie Parasite right at Hyperion. Zombie Parasite clamps down and begins to drain Hyperion’s powers. Rogue flies in and helps her half dead teammate to finish him off. Hyperion’s lifeless husk falls to the ground as Zombie Parasite flies off after q. Once he latches on he finds that q’s powers are too much for him to absorb, but due to his unrelenting appetite, Zombie Parasite doesn’t relinquish his hold and kills both himself and q. SSJ4 Gogeta battles Ganthet, Sayd and a partial power-boosted Rogue. Gogeta musters all of his power up and unleashes the 100x Big Bang Kamehameha at Rogue, Ganthet and Sayd, vaporizing all of them. Omega Supreme sees this massive flash of light and takes the opportunity to eliminate the exhausted SSJ4 Gogeta. Q, Q2 and True Q feel that their presence needs to be realized and respected. They simply walk down towards the Senate and with a wave of their hands, they dematerialize Mas y Menos, Gobo, Peppermint Patti, Marci, and Dr. Impossible and in the most impressive move, they even destroy Titanus. Mr. Mxyztlplk then appears again and says “Hey! I liked those Mas y Menos guys!” He then quickly eliminates True Q and disappears just as easy. “Ok this Imp is beginning to annoy me,” Q says to Q2. Wicket and Paploo race down the street on their scooter along with Thrasher and Bill Kelly who are inside the Thunder Machine and Nightwing and Carlos Chiappe-Soto who are in the Modern Batmobile (“the Tumbler”). The three vehicles swerve through all the debris that has already be caused by the earlier matches. The remaining members of the Q Continuum pay no attention to these powerless beings and focus more on the job at hand, destroying Omega Supreme and finding Mr. Mxyztlplk. Wicket ramps up the scooter and jumps it off a turned over air speeder. The little Ewok holds his spear true and guides it into the back of the head of Quinn, killing him. Q is simply amazed by this feat. He then gives Wicket his tenth and final death. Paploo was able to successfully tuck and roll off of the scooter. He rolls to a stop and is quickly attacked by Ewok #47 and Treasure Troll #17, who both stab him several times. Thrasher then runs the two tiny creatures over with the Thunder Machine. Unfortunately, he did not see Treasure Troll #1 and Ewok Babies #1 and 2 who were close to the mix. Bill Kelly jumps out of the Thunder Machine and Carlos Chiappe-Soto follows suit out of the Modern Batmobile. The two roofers ignite their lightsabers and attack Q2. But the omnipotent being disappears and reappears extremely quickly to evade their oncoming attacks. Q2 then removes both roofers from this existence. Lady Q then mentally takes over the controls of The Thunder Machine and drives it directly into the side of the Modern Batmobile. Thrasher is killed by this crash, but Nightwing is able to survive. Nightwing then races over to Omega Supreme. “We’re getting killed out here!” shouts Nightwing. “Victory, unlikely. Death, eminent,” Omega coldly states. “The hell with that! Get us out of here!” yells Nightwing. Omega Supreme then transforms into his rocket ship mode and takes off with Nightwing. “This match isn’t over with. Mr. Mxyztlplk is around here somewhere,” says Q. “You’re right, you ugly doofus!” says the Imp. He then destroys Lady Q with his magic. Mxyztlplk then grabs Q and Q2’s hands and teleports all three of them to the Fifth Dimension. Even my Watcher powers only go so far as I do not have access to the Fifth Dimension and do not know what happened after that.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Mr. Mxyztlplk, Dr. Impossible, Rogue, Omega Supreme, Larfleeze, Ganthet & Sayd, Thrasher & Bill Kelly (with a blue lightsaber) in The Thunder Machine, Queen Aga'po, Nightwing & Carlos Chiappe-Soto (with a green lightsaber) in the Modern Age Batmobile (AKA the Tumbler), Wicket & Paploo on a scooter, Ttanus, Peppermint Patti, Marci, Mas y Menos, Gobo, Zombie Parasite, Treasure Troll #1, & Ewok Baby #1 & 2.
“Star Trek Mr. Mxyztlplk, my ass!” shouts Mr. Mxyztlplk. “I’ll show Ryatu!” The Fifth Dimension Imp uses his powers to wipe Q Representative off the this plane of existence. He then disappears himself, before any of the Q’s can retaliate. Omega Supreme has fortified himself at the foot of the Senate building on Coruscant. Rogue is flanked by Larfleeze, Queen Aga’po, Ganthet and Sayd. They quickly find themselves face to face with Hyperion on SSJ4 Gogeta. Queen Aga’po surprisingly is the first to react and takes a shot at the Dragonball super being. Gogeta dodges it with ease and proceeds to light the Star Sapphire up like a Christmas tree with several punches and then hits her with a Stardust Breaker. Hyperion immediately attacks Larfleeze who is now consumed with trying to steal SSJ4 Gogeta’s powers. The Superman rip off then smashes Larfleeze’s Orange Power Battery as well as his skull. Ganthet and Sayd then use their powers to launch Zombie Parasite right at Hyperion. Zombie Parasite clamps down and begins to drain Hyperion’s powers. Rogue flies in and helps her half dead teammate to finish him off. Hyperion’s lifeless husk falls to the ground as Zombie Parasite flies off after q. Once he latches on he finds that q’s powers are too much for him to absorb, but due to his unrelenting appetite, Zombie Parasite doesn’t relinquish his hold and kills both himself and q. SSJ4 Gogeta battles Ganthet, Sayd and a partial power-boosted Rogue. Gogeta musters all of his power up and unleashes the 100x Big Bang Kamehameha at Rogue, Ganthet and Sayd, vaporizing all of them. Omega Supreme sees this massive flash of light and takes the opportunity to eliminate the exhausted SSJ4 Gogeta. Q, Q2 and True Q feel that their presence needs to be realized and respected. They simply walk down towards the Senate and with a wave of their hands, they dematerialize Mas y Menos, Gobo, Peppermint Patti, Marci, and Dr. Impossible and in the most impressive move, they even destroy Titanus. Mr. Mxyztlplk then appears again and says “Hey! I liked those Mas y Menos guys!” He then quickly eliminates True Q and disappears just as easy. “Ok this Imp is beginning to annoy me,” Q says to Q2. Wicket and Paploo race down the street on their scooter along with Thrasher and Bill Kelly who are inside the Thunder Machine and Nightwing and Carlos Chiappe-Soto who are in the Modern Batmobile (“the Tumbler”). The three vehicles swerve through all the debris that has already be caused by the earlier matches. The remaining members of the Q Continuum pay no attention to these powerless beings and focus more on the job at hand, destroying Omega Supreme and finding Mr. Mxyztlplk. Wicket ramps up the scooter and jumps it off a turned over air speeder. The little Ewok holds his spear true and guides it into the back of the head of Quinn, killing him. Q is simply amazed by this feat. He then gives Wicket his tenth and final death. Paploo was able to successfully tuck and roll off of the scooter. He rolls to a stop and is quickly attacked by Ewok #47 and Treasure Troll #17, who both stab him several times. Thrasher then runs the two tiny creatures over with the Thunder Machine. Unfortunately, he did not see Treasure Troll #1 and Ewok Babies #1 and 2 who were close to the mix. Bill Kelly jumps out of the Thunder Machine and Carlos Chiappe-Soto follows suit out of the Modern Batmobile. The two roofers ignite their lightsabers and attack Q2. But the omnipotent being disappears and reappears extremely quickly to evade their oncoming attacks. Q2 then removes both roofers from this existence. Lady Q then mentally takes over the controls of The Thunder Machine and drives it directly into the side of the Modern Batmobile. Thrasher is killed by this crash, but Nightwing is able to survive. Nightwing then races over to Omega Supreme. “We’re getting killed out here!” shouts Nightwing. “Victory, unlikely. Death, eminent,” Omega coldly states. “The hell with that! Get us out of here!” yells Nightwing. Omega Supreme then transforms into his rocket ship mode and takes off with Nightwing. “This match isn’t over with. Mr. Mxyztlplk is around here somewhere,” says Q. “You’re right, you ugly doofus!” says the Imp. He then destroys Lady Q with his magic. Mxyztlplk then grabs Q and Q2’s hands and teleports all three of them to the Fifth Dimension. Even my Watcher powers only go so far as I do not have access to the Fifth Dimension and do not know what happened after that.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!
Week Three: Bruce's Bodacious Bullies vs The Transfoamers
Bruce's Bodacious Bullies are Ultra Magnus, Elrond, Elros, Elladan, xio Jade, Starkiller, Eeth Koth, The Leader, Doctor Voodoo, Cybertronian Guardian #10, The Stranger, Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #3-4, and Force Adepts #1-4.
The Transfoamers are Hardhead w/Duros, Highbrow w/Gort, Nightbeat w/Muzzle, Junkeon #13-14, Runabout, Runamuck, Zombie Soundwave, Zombie Frenzy, Zombie Extinction Alice, Zombie Apocalypse Alice, Darko Milicic, Jedi Masters #9, 16, 29, 34, 35, & 50A, and Nazgul #7-8 w/horses.
Bruce’s Bodacious Bullies are starving for a victory here outside the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. The Stranger, yet again, simply hovers above the battleground, watching, waiting. The Leader, however, is supremely confident in his team and the results they will achieve. The Transfoamers roll in, read for battle as well. Runabout and Runamuck squeal their tires down the street and leap into their robot form. No sooner do they do that, does Ultra Magnus blast both of them right out of the air. Junkeons #13 then hops onto Junkeon #14, who is in his motorcycle form, and they both head right for B3. (Man, this has to urk Beckerman.) The four Force Adepts fire up their red lightsabers as the strange team of Xio Jade, Eeth Koth and Starkiller all lead them in the to fray. They all attack the six Jedi Masters on The Transfoamers. Jedi Master #16 knows that this very well could be his final battle, but if that is true, he feels it’s his duty to go out in such a way that the Jedi Order will remember his name for generations. He quickly spins and flips his way into the middle of all four Force Adepts and takes them all out with his lightsaber. He then turns his attention to Xio Jade and takes her out quickly as well. Starkiller and Eeth Koth then both work together to finally end Jedi Master #16’s life. Master Koth is the one who reluctantly does the honor. The two Jedi Lightsaber Scientists then leap into the mix to aid Eeth Koth and Starkiller. Jedi Master #50A, who has just recently achieved the mantle of Master is out numbered by the two Lightsaber Scientists, but he does manage to take Jedi L.S. #4 down with him before he himself perishes. Starkiller impresses Eeth Koth by striking down Jedi Masters #29, 34 and 35 with ease. He then causes Master Koth to have great concern as the former Galen Marek unleashes a powerful bolt of Force Lightning to kill Jedi Master #9. They then hear liquid dripping and what seems to be rusty metal scraping against each other. A large shadow then covers them. Once they turn around, they see Zombie Soundwave and Zombie Frenzy. Zombie Extinction Alice and Zombie Apocalypse Alice have come out of the shadows as well. The two Zombie Alice’s leap onto Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #3 and rip out his innards. Starkiller uses his Force Lightning against Zombie Frenzy, but it in all honest, just fuels the half dead robot. Zombie Soundwave reaches for Eeth Koth, but finds himself on the business end of Cybertronian Guardian #10’s massive foot. Zombie Frenzy is then crushed by him soon after. Doctor Voodoo runs over and casts a spell on the Zombie Alice’s that finally kill them for real. “Man, it’s a good thing we’ve got a voodoo priest on our side when we are fighting zombies,” quips Starkiller as they run off to aid their team in the rest of the battle. They see that The Transfoamers have cornered their teammates up against the Jedi Temple. Elrond, Elros and Elladan are fending off Nazgul #7 and #8, who are both upon their horses. Elros and Elladan team up to take on Nazgul #7 as Elrond kills Nazgul #8’s which sends the Nazgul to the ground. Nazgul #7 it too powerful for the Elven warriors to manage and they both perish by his evil blade. Elrond, however, is vastly knowledged on the Nazgul and defeats Nazgul #8. Doctor Voodoo and Eeth Koth come over and lend a hand to Elrond as they take out Nazgul #7. Darko Milicic jumps up onto Nazgul #7’s horse and tries to take off in it, but he just becomes collateral damage as Cybertronian Guardian #10 steps on him without ever knowing it. The Stranger continues to look down upon the battle waiting to see if it’s even worth while for him to enter the match. The Leader is heavily protected deep within the Jedi Temple and uses his telepathy to view the battle. The Headmasters and Targetmaster from The Transfoamers realize they are up against Ultra Magnus and a Cybertronian Guardian, but their valor does not waiver. Hardhead transforms into his tank mode as Duros is in the cockpit. Nightbeat along with his Targetmaster partner, Muzzle, don’t plan on retreating or losing this match. Night beat sees Ultra Magnus kill Junkeon #14. He then leaps up onto Junkeon #13 and takes off towards the Cybertronian Guardian. The massive Transformer sees him heading right for him and begins blasting at the Autobot detective. He hits the Junkeon, which sends Nightbeat flying into the air. It’s at this point when The Stranger surveys the scene and decides to teleport the remaining members of the Transfoamers out of the fight, thus ending the conflict.
BRUCE’S BODACIOUS BULLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Transfoamers are Hardhead w/Duros, Highbrow w/Gort, Nightbeat w/Muzzle, Junkeon #13-14, Runabout, Runamuck, Zombie Soundwave, Zombie Frenzy, Zombie Extinction Alice, Zombie Apocalypse Alice, Darko Milicic, Jedi Masters #9, 16, 29, 34, 35, & 50A, and Nazgul #7-8 w/horses.
Bruce’s Bodacious Bullies are starving for a victory here outside the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. The Stranger, yet again, simply hovers above the battleground, watching, waiting. The Leader, however, is supremely confident in his team and the results they will achieve. The Transfoamers roll in, read for battle as well. Runabout and Runamuck squeal their tires down the street and leap into their robot form. No sooner do they do that, does Ultra Magnus blast both of them right out of the air. Junkeons #13 then hops onto Junkeon #14, who is in his motorcycle form, and they both head right for B3. (Man, this has to urk Beckerman.) The four Force Adepts fire up their red lightsabers as the strange team of Xio Jade, Eeth Koth and Starkiller all lead them in the to fray. They all attack the six Jedi Masters on The Transfoamers. Jedi Master #16 knows that this very well could be his final battle, but if that is true, he feels it’s his duty to go out in such a way that the Jedi Order will remember his name for generations. He quickly spins and flips his way into the middle of all four Force Adepts and takes them all out with his lightsaber. He then turns his attention to Xio Jade and takes her out quickly as well. Starkiller and Eeth Koth then both work together to finally end Jedi Master #16’s life. Master Koth is the one who reluctantly does the honor. The two Jedi Lightsaber Scientists then leap into the mix to aid Eeth Koth and Starkiller. Jedi Master #50A, who has just recently achieved the mantle of Master is out numbered by the two Lightsaber Scientists, but he does manage to take Jedi L.S. #4 down with him before he himself perishes. Starkiller impresses Eeth Koth by striking down Jedi Masters #29, 34 and 35 with ease. He then causes Master Koth to have great concern as the former Galen Marek unleashes a powerful bolt of Force Lightning to kill Jedi Master #9. They then hear liquid dripping and what seems to be rusty metal scraping against each other. A large shadow then covers them. Once they turn around, they see Zombie Soundwave and Zombie Frenzy. Zombie Extinction Alice and Zombie Apocalypse Alice have come out of the shadows as well. The two Zombie Alice’s leap onto Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #3 and rip out his innards. Starkiller uses his Force Lightning against Zombie Frenzy, but it in all honest, just fuels the half dead robot. Zombie Soundwave reaches for Eeth Koth, but finds himself on the business end of Cybertronian Guardian #10’s massive foot. Zombie Frenzy is then crushed by him soon after. Doctor Voodoo runs over and casts a spell on the Zombie Alice’s that finally kill them for real. “Man, it’s a good thing we’ve got a voodoo priest on our side when we are fighting zombies,” quips Starkiller as they run off to aid their team in the rest of the battle. They see that The Transfoamers have cornered their teammates up against the Jedi Temple. Elrond, Elros and Elladan are fending off Nazgul #7 and #8, who are both upon their horses. Elros and Elladan team up to take on Nazgul #7 as Elrond kills Nazgul #8’s which sends the Nazgul to the ground. Nazgul #7 it too powerful for the Elven warriors to manage and they both perish by his evil blade. Elrond, however, is vastly knowledged on the Nazgul and defeats Nazgul #8. Doctor Voodoo and Eeth Koth come over and lend a hand to Elrond as they take out Nazgul #7. Darko Milicic jumps up onto Nazgul #7’s horse and tries to take off in it, but he just becomes collateral damage as Cybertronian Guardian #10 steps on him without ever knowing it. The Stranger continues to look down upon the battle waiting to see if it’s even worth while for him to enter the match. The Leader is heavily protected deep within the Jedi Temple and uses his telepathy to view the battle. The Headmasters and Targetmaster from The Transfoamers realize they are up against Ultra Magnus and a Cybertronian Guardian, but their valor does not waiver. Hardhead transforms into his tank mode as Duros is in the cockpit. Nightbeat along with his Targetmaster partner, Muzzle, don’t plan on retreating or losing this match. Night beat sees Ultra Magnus kill Junkeon #14. He then leaps up onto Junkeon #13 and takes off towards the Cybertronian Guardian. The massive Transformer sees him heading right for him and begins blasting at the Autobot detective. He hits the Junkeon, which sends Nightbeat flying into the air. It’s at this point when The Stranger surveys the scene and decides to teleport the remaining members of the Transfoamers out of the fight, thus ending the conflict.
BRUCE’S BODACIOUS BULLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Week Three: The Untouchables vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies
The Untouchables are Horatio Caine, Granny Goodness, The Female Furies: Lashina, Gilotina, Stompa, Bernadeth, & Mad Harriet, Onslaught, Sodam Yat, Red Lantern Guy Gardner, She-Ra with Swiftwind, Madam Razz with Broom, Maestro, Romat Ru, Cad Bane, Pikachu, and The Wild C.A.T.S.: Spartan, Voodoo, Grifter, Zealot, Maul, Warblade and Lord Emp.
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Scooby Doo in the Mystery Machine, John Moses Browning in the Punisher Van, Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane, Teddy Roosevelt, Vincent, The Great Lakes Avengers: Mr. Immortal, Squirrel Girl, Big Birtha, & Flatman, Brain Damaged Beowulf, Squirrels #1-11, Agent X, Hellboy, Booster Gold, Kyle Rayner, Speedy Gonzalez, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Jason, Trini, Billy, Zach & Kimberly, and the Techobots: Scattershot, Lightspeed, Strafe, Nosecone & Afterburner.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies have been on the roll of their lives in the opening weeks of this season. The whole locker room has been extremely optimistic and excited that the possibilities that this season could have in store for them. The Untouchables, however, have been, well just average. They lost a very close battle against Xavier’s Annihilation Squad in the Arctic Ocean last week, and they are anxious to get that bad taste out of their mouth. Though he did not start Deadpool or Megatron, Head Coach Commission Gordon has sent a virtual kill squad to Coruscant. Granny Goodness leads her Female Furies into battle first, as she is always thirsty for blood. She has them attack the Mystery Machine. The van cuts hard and tries to get away from the Furies. Lashina uses her steel whips to explode the Mystery Machine’s rear tires, which sends it flipping several times, finally slamming into Dex’s Diner. Mad Harriet leaps on top of the upended van and tears the side open with her razor sharp claws. Mad Harriet notices that the paint on the Mystery Machine is chipping off quite easily and they its all black underneath, but still she’s cackling all the while. Once she rips it open, Mad Harriet is met with a bullet right between her eyes, courtesy of John Moses Browning. Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane and Vincent all jump out of what is now revealed to be The Punisher’s Van with a quick paint job. John Moses Browning takes aim with a rocket launcher and blows Bernadeth away. Michael, Fiona, and Vincent all start shooting at the Female Furies who have now, taken cover behind a couple air speeders that they have destroyed. “Ok, well that, actually, worked,” Weston says to Browning. “Yeah, go figure,” replies Browning. “Now we just have to hope the second phase works just as well.” It’s at this point that the real Mystery Machine comes screeching around the corner with Teddy Roosevelt and Hellboy hanging on the sides. They are quickly followed by the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in their Power Zords. Granny Goodness begins to laugh manically. “You really thing that just because you killed a couple of my Furies, that you have the advantage?? They are mere pawns in this battle” cackles the evil hag. Stompa slams her foot down and causes the road to split in half. Everyone is able to avoid the opening that Stompa has caused, all except for the overturned Punisher Van, which falls into the crack. The remaining Female Furies viciously attack the real Mystery Machine and rip into it. Gilotina slices Velma’s head off with a quick karate chop as Lashina fries Fred and Daphne with her electrically charged whips. “Ruh ro, Shraggy,” says Scooby. “Like zoinks, Scoobs, let’s get out of here,” replies Shaggy. The duo scamper out of the blood filled van, only to run right into Granny Goodness. “Oh, my dear, dear boys, it’s not going to be that easy for you,” she says as she uses her brute force to crush their heads together. Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane use their grenades that they acquired from the Punisher Van before it was destroyed to kill both Gilotina and Lashina. Hellboy leaps over the Mystery Machine and uses his trusty sidearm, the Good Samaritan to kill Stompa. He then uses the Right Hand of Doom to punch through Granny Goodness’s head. Hellboy takes a moment to light his cigar before running off to find more foes. The Power Rangers then attempt to form the Megazord, but for some reason it will not form. That’s because Onslaught is using his magnetic powers to not only keeping them apart, but he then uses them to crush the Power Rangers. “Crap, I was kind of counting on those guys to do some damage,” Weston says. Teddy Roosevelt and John Moses Browning now find themselves fending off Romat Ru and Cad Bane. Teddy draws his sword as John Moses Browning unzips a large duffle bag he was able to grab out of the Punisher Van. “Oh yeah that’s right, you were awarded Mandalorian Armor!” exclaims the former President. The Mormon gun creator suites up and takes off with his rocket pack. Teddy then rushes towards Romat Ru who has made a yellow energy sword. The two clash as Cad Bane attacks Browning. Teddy gains an upper hand on the Sinestro Corp member for a while until Romat Ru uses his ring to create several energy copies of himself, which overwhelm Roosevelt. John Moses Browning flies overhead with his rocket pack, trading shots back and forth with Cad Bane. In the end, it’s experience that wins the duel, as Bane target’s the jet pack and causes it to explode. The ground begins to shake as Brain-Damaged Beowulf makes his way into the fray. The Untouchables waste no time attacking this behemoth as Maestro, Maul Onslaught all simultaneously leaps up onto it. Brain Damaged Beowulf is no match for the sheer brute force by Maul and Maestro, not to mention the combined attack of magnetism and psychic attack courtesy of Onslaught. Kyle Rayner then flies in but finds himself double teamed by two close friends of his, Sodam Yat and (Red Lantern) Guy Gardner. The Technobots form Computron and quickly calculate that Kyle has a 7.112009% chance of surviving this fight and the combiner attempts aid his teammate. The Transformer Gestalt, unfortunately, meets the same fate as the rest of his robotic companions and is ripped apart by Onslaught. The evil mutant then uses the shrapnel that was the Technobots to skewer Big Birtha and Flatman. Onslaught then finds himself being swarmed by almost a dozen squirrels and one Mexican rat. Squirrel Girl is controlling the rodents to attack the incredibly strong being, but she quickly finds herself without a head, due to She-Ra flying by and cutting it off. The squirrel are, however able to attack and kill both Madam Razz and Broom. Pikachu then garners the rodents attention and gets them all close enough for him to roast all of them with a lightning bolt. Agent X sneaks in and is able to put a couple caps into Spartan, Voodoo, and Lord Emp’s head before any of them even realize it. “Damn it! Deadpool’s going to be pissed he missed this match,” exclaims Grifter as he spin kicks Agent X to the ground. Warblade then leaps on top of Mr. Immortal and really puts his name to the test. Grifter and Zealot then team up on Agent X and put him down. Vincent is hiding in one of the back alleys, but as he turns the corner, he finds himself staring down the barrel of Horatio Caine’s gun. Vincent tries to squeeze a round off, but the C.S.I. Lead Detective is too… well… awesome for him and takes Vincent out. He then finds Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane. “I know that you’ve done both a lot of good and a lot of bad in your past, I will give you one chance to take your team and leave this battle. If you don’t, there will be nothing I can do to hold my men back from utterly destroying all of you,” Horatio says to Weston. The former spy is too smart to continue this futile battle. Sodam Yat and Red Lantern Guy Gardner are giving Kyle Rayner the beating of a lifetime up in the air, as Booster Gold flies in to give him some much needed aid. Booster grabs a beaten Kyle as the rest of their team retreats. “We are the Untouchables, and we never close,” Horatio says as he puts his sunglasses back on and looks up to the sky.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Scooby Doo in the Mystery Machine, John Moses Browning in the Punisher Van, Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane, Teddy Roosevelt, Vincent, The Great Lakes Avengers: Mr. Immortal, Squirrel Girl, Big Birtha, & Flatman, Brain Damaged Beowulf, Squirrels #1-11, Agent X, Hellboy, Booster Gold, Kyle Rayner, Speedy Gonzalez, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Jason, Trini, Billy, Zach & Kimberly, and the Techobots: Scattershot, Lightspeed, Strafe, Nosecone & Afterburner.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies have been on the roll of their lives in the opening weeks of this season. The whole locker room has been extremely optimistic and excited that the possibilities that this season could have in store for them. The Untouchables, however, have been, well just average. They lost a very close battle against Xavier’s Annihilation Squad in the Arctic Ocean last week, and they are anxious to get that bad taste out of their mouth. Though he did not start Deadpool or Megatron, Head Coach Commission Gordon has sent a virtual kill squad to Coruscant. Granny Goodness leads her Female Furies into battle first, as she is always thirsty for blood. She has them attack the Mystery Machine. The van cuts hard and tries to get away from the Furies. Lashina uses her steel whips to explode the Mystery Machine’s rear tires, which sends it flipping several times, finally slamming into Dex’s Diner. Mad Harriet leaps on top of the upended van and tears the side open with her razor sharp claws. Mad Harriet notices that the paint on the Mystery Machine is chipping off quite easily and they its all black underneath, but still she’s cackling all the while. Once she rips it open, Mad Harriet is met with a bullet right between her eyes, courtesy of John Moses Browning. Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane and Vincent all jump out of what is now revealed to be The Punisher’s Van with a quick paint job. John Moses Browning takes aim with a rocket launcher and blows Bernadeth away. Michael, Fiona, and Vincent all start shooting at the Female Furies who have now, taken cover behind a couple air speeders that they have destroyed. “Ok, well that, actually, worked,” Weston says to Browning. “Yeah, go figure,” replies Browning. “Now we just have to hope the second phase works just as well.” It’s at this point that the real Mystery Machine comes screeching around the corner with Teddy Roosevelt and Hellboy hanging on the sides. They are quickly followed by the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in their Power Zords. Granny Goodness begins to laugh manically. “You really thing that just because you killed a couple of my Furies, that you have the advantage?? They are mere pawns in this battle” cackles the evil hag. Stompa slams her foot down and causes the road to split in half. Everyone is able to avoid the opening that Stompa has caused, all except for the overturned Punisher Van, which falls into the crack. The remaining Female Furies viciously attack the real Mystery Machine and rip into it. Gilotina slices Velma’s head off with a quick karate chop as Lashina fries Fred and Daphne with her electrically charged whips. “Ruh ro, Shraggy,” says Scooby. “Like zoinks, Scoobs, let’s get out of here,” replies Shaggy. The duo scamper out of the blood filled van, only to run right into Granny Goodness. “Oh, my dear, dear boys, it’s not going to be that easy for you,” she says as she uses her brute force to crush their heads together. Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane use their grenades that they acquired from the Punisher Van before it was destroyed to kill both Gilotina and Lashina. Hellboy leaps over the Mystery Machine and uses his trusty sidearm, the Good Samaritan to kill Stompa. He then uses the Right Hand of Doom to punch through Granny Goodness’s head. Hellboy takes a moment to light his cigar before running off to find more foes. The Power Rangers then attempt to form the Megazord, but for some reason it will not form. That’s because Onslaught is using his magnetic powers to not only keeping them apart, but he then uses them to crush the Power Rangers. “Crap, I was kind of counting on those guys to do some damage,” Weston says. Teddy Roosevelt and John Moses Browning now find themselves fending off Romat Ru and Cad Bane. Teddy draws his sword as John Moses Browning unzips a large duffle bag he was able to grab out of the Punisher Van. “Oh yeah that’s right, you were awarded Mandalorian Armor!” exclaims the former President. The Mormon gun creator suites up and takes off with his rocket pack. Teddy then rushes towards Romat Ru who has made a yellow energy sword. The two clash as Cad Bane attacks Browning. Teddy gains an upper hand on the Sinestro Corp member for a while until Romat Ru uses his ring to create several energy copies of himself, which overwhelm Roosevelt. John Moses Browning flies overhead with his rocket pack, trading shots back and forth with Cad Bane. In the end, it’s experience that wins the duel, as Bane target’s the jet pack and causes it to explode. The ground begins to shake as Brain-Damaged Beowulf makes his way into the fray. The Untouchables waste no time attacking this behemoth as Maestro, Maul Onslaught all simultaneously leaps up onto it. Brain Damaged Beowulf is no match for the sheer brute force by Maul and Maestro, not to mention the combined attack of magnetism and psychic attack courtesy of Onslaught. Kyle Rayner then flies in but finds himself double teamed by two close friends of his, Sodam Yat and (Red Lantern) Guy Gardner. The Technobots form Computron and quickly calculate that Kyle has a 7.112009% chance of surviving this fight and the combiner attempts aid his teammate. The Transformer Gestalt, unfortunately, meets the same fate as the rest of his robotic companions and is ripped apart by Onslaught. The evil mutant then uses the shrapnel that was the Technobots to skewer Big Birtha and Flatman. Onslaught then finds himself being swarmed by almost a dozen squirrels and one Mexican rat. Squirrel Girl is controlling the rodents to attack the incredibly strong being, but she quickly finds herself without a head, due to She-Ra flying by and cutting it off. The squirrel are, however able to attack and kill both Madam Razz and Broom. Pikachu then garners the rodents attention and gets them all close enough for him to roast all of them with a lightning bolt. Agent X sneaks in and is able to put a couple caps into Spartan, Voodoo, and Lord Emp’s head before any of them even realize it. “Damn it! Deadpool’s going to be pissed he missed this match,” exclaims Grifter as he spin kicks Agent X to the ground. Warblade then leaps on top of Mr. Immortal and really puts his name to the test. Grifter and Zealot then team up on Agent X and put him down. Vincent is hiding in one of the back alleys, but as he turns the corner, he finds himself staring down the barrel of Horatio Caine’s gun. Vincent tries to squeeze a round off, but the C.S.I. Lead Detective is too… well… awesome for him and takes Vincent out. He then finds Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane. “I know that you’ve done both a lot of good and a lot of bad in your past, I will give you one chance to take your team and leave this battle. If you don’t, there will be nothing I can do to hold my men back from utterly destroying all of you,” Horatio says to Weston. The former spy is too smart to continue this futile battle. Sodam Yat and Red Lantern Guy Gardner are giving Kyle Rayner the beating of a lifetime up in the air, as Booster Gold flies in to give him some much needed aid. Booster grabs a beaten Kyle as the rest of their team retreats. “We are the Untouchables, and we never close,” Horatio says as he puts his sunglasses back on and looks up to the sky.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Abomitrons Vs. Hayley's Comets
The Abomitrons are Timmell, Immell #1-6, 10, 11, & 14-16, Spider-Boy, Ultra Boy, Zombie Neo, Lucario, Hancock, Underdog, Smaug, Yaddle, Blade, Cerberus, The Ben 10 Alien Force: Ben Tennyson, Gwen Tennyson, & Kevin, & Ewok Child #1.
Hayleys Comets are The Justice Force: The Sliver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano, Green Mantle, & Boomerang, Ash (with Mandalorian Armor), Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Dialga, Palkia, Rayquazza, Regirock, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Drago, Jiggly Puff, Wiggly Tuff, Mew, Mewtoo, Diglet, Blastois, Charmeleon, Hordack (with a yellow power ring), The Defenders of the earth: Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, Lothar, Lothar Jr., Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, Kshin, & Zuffy, Halk Karr, Trygon, Omac, Kid Deadpool, Watchdog #1-3, Doozer #3, & Ewok #76.
Never before in all of Fantasy Fantasy have two teams from opposite leagues had so much animosity towards each other. Fans of The Abomitrons have been criticizing Coach Pennyworth for weeks for not putting enough thought into the first 2 weeks because he was obviously looking ahead to his big match with the new 2 and 0 expansion team Hayley’s Comets. The Comets, and their numerous sub-groups have so far shocked the FFL as they have won 2 straight matches, with their huge upset against The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets and their defeat of The American League’s most talked about new team Logical Genocide (a major fan favorite amongst FFL newbs). These teams are both transported right outside the Jedi temple, where they waste no time clashing with one another. The Immells immediately start battling with The Justice Force, while Spider-boy and Ultra Boy square off against Halk Karr & Omac. Hancock meets Hordack in battle high above the Coruscant skyline while Zombie Neo partakes in a mindless and vile battle with the evil Trygon. The Ben 10 Alien Force are followed by Cerberus & Lucario as they square off against Ash and his platoon of Pokemon. Kid Deadpool throws a homemade grenade at Blade, but the daywalker uses his sword to bat it right back at Wade Wilson’s former sidekick to blow him to pieces. Blade then puts a silver bullet into the head of the ultra-fuzzy Ewok #76 before he takes on all 3 of the Watchdogs. Zombie Neo flies directly into the center of Trygon’s fiery core and begins sucking the evil life right out of him. Trygon fights this with all of his might but he is unable to fight off the power of The One, even if he is only a shell of what he once was. Zombie Neo sucks the life out of Trygon completely, but in the end he is unable to sustain the power that he has stolen from the Underworld master due to the fact that he is still powered by what is good about the human race, despite being reduced to a mindless zombie. Once the energy is completely absorbed by Neo; he explodes, not only blowing the top off of the Jedi Temple but also dispersing many characters all over the city. Most notably: Ewok Child #1 and Doozer #3, who were thrust into the Men’s bathroom on the lower level of the Jedi Temple. These 2 vicious fighters begin an amazing fight, as they fall in and out of the various sized toilets hurling intergalactic poop at each other. Ewok Child #1 grabs Doozer #3 and shoves his face in a huge pile of Rodian turds while Doozer #3 gets his hand on some Twileck urine soaked Wookie stool to shove in the mouth of the little ewok. This fight carries on for quite some time before they both die of the first stages of intergalactic dysentery. Back outside Ash launches out all 17 of his pokeballs (and his Bakugan) at Ben 10 and his homeboys (and homegirl). Lucario defeats Diglet in one on one combat but is then destroyed by Mew and Mewtoo. But when the enormous 3 headed dog known as Cerberus jumps into the fray, the Pokemon have their hands full (even though most of them don’t have hands, but they have their hoofs, claws, feet, & paws full as well). Cerberus simultaneously uses his 3 heads to swallow Mew, Mewtoo, & Empoleon; while Ben turns in to HUMONGASAUR and crushes Dialga & Palkia. Gwen uses her plumber magic to take out Infernape, but when Kevin uses his powers to become as hard as the concrete underneath him, it is still not enough to block the rocket that Ash blasts him with from his new suit of Mandalorian Armor. Gwen uses her shielding powers to not only block the attacks from Rayquazza, but also to slice both Drago and Wiggly Tuff in half. Jiggly Puff does manage to get thru her shield and put her to sleep so Ash can blast her with some lasers and finish her off as well. HUMONGASAUR and Cerberus are now pretty unhappy at the deaths of both Gwen and Kevin (well, Cerberus is always unhappy, but Ben has a reason). These 2 giants both go on a complete rampage and wipe out Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Rayquazza, Prinplup, Jiggly Tuff, Blastois, & Charmeleon. Ash and Piplup back away from the fight for now, knowing that they don’t have enough firepower to take out the Ben and Cerberus. While Yaddle leads Underdog and Smaug against The Defenders of the earth. Spider-boy and Ultra Boy have been battling with Halk Karr and Omac. The Legion of Super Heroes own Ultra Boy manages to punch Omac (The One Man Army Corp) hard enough that he is sent sailing away from the fight for a couple of minutes, so both Ultra Boy and the Amalgamation of Super Boy and Spider Man can double team Superman’s little brother (Halk Karr). Halk Karr lands a punch on Spider-boy that breaks his neck, but Ultra Boy is able to finish off Halk Karr in much the same manner. Blade makes even quicker work of the 3 Watchdogs than Capt. America used to and then tries to seek out some of his fellow Abomitrons to lend a hand. Hancock and the Sinestro-powered Hordack are locked in an intense battle high in the air, but in the end it is Hancock’s knowledge of how to handle himself in flight that proves to be Hordack’s downfall. Hancock manages to fly under Hordack’s magical/yellow energy powered attacks to crush in the evil Eternian’s head. Underdog busts up Lothar Jr. with a super-powered paw to the head which makes Lothar Sr. pretty mad. Unfortunately Lothar gets his head chopped off by the lightsaber of Yaddle before he can avenge his son’s death. Smaug continues to pick on the children of the Defenders of the earth by burning Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, & Kshin to a crisp with his fire breath. Flash Gordon & The Phantom then take the revenge that Lothar could not get and jump on the back of Smaug. Flash & The Phantom then use some crazy Kung Fu nonsense or something to find the weak spots on Smaug and finish him off Bilbo style. Mandrake the Magician focuses his magical power toward the tiny little Yaddle, but the Jedi Master manages to block it with the force and send it right back at the magician, killing him with his own power. Flash Gordon then breaks the neck of Underdog to the tune of everybody’s least favorite Queen song, but Underdog is avenged by Yaddle throwing her lightsaber in the heart of Flash. Cyborg Norris (Immell #1) is locked in an amazing test of strength with The Silver Sentry while Battledae and Rob Murray double team Metal Head. Metal Head puts up a great fight but the little crazy-haired midget just simply can’t handle the weird dynamic duo of cloned Batman and Robin with Tim Cheveldae and Bryan Murray. Silver Sentry fights on with Cyborg Norris, but while he is he yells to his troops to fight on against not only the Immells, but the rest of The Abomitrons who are coming to lend a hand to the Immells. Boomerang boomerangs Timmell to death, but then is by an axe to the head from Death Hammer. Green Mantle, puts on a Fantasy Fantasy clinic and uses his green power ring to take out not only Ziggimore (Immell #15), but Battledae and Rob Murray as well (Immells #2 & 3). He is then taken out by the flying lightsaber wielding duo of Jedi Fire & Raven Knight (Immells #10 & 11). Paddle (Immell #4) uses her hockey stick shaped lightsaber to take out Raptarr, while The Captain (Immell #5) outsmarts Nano by using his hockey stick shield apparatus (he’s a clone between Steve Yzerman and Captain America in case you haven’t memorized all of The Immells yet). Tammell (Immell #14) uses some mad-sick super-advanced scientific (baseball & hockey based) martial arts to mop the floor with Ananda and Chrysalis, but she is eventually taken out by the killer (Batman rip-off) moves of Nobody. Hancock flies back into the fray and lands directly on Tsunami leaving quite a wave in the Coruscant cement, right at about the same time as Cyborg Norris executes a mid-air roundhouse kick to the head of The Silver Sentry which knocks his noggin clean off. Hayley’s Comets were about to make their final push when Nobody saw this transpire from below. With the Silver Sentry dead The Comets hopes are dashed and Nobody orders the retreat. He escapes along with Ash, Piplup, a battered Omac, The Phantom, and Zuffy.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Hayleys Comets are The Justice Force: The Sliver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano, Green Mantle, & Boomerang, Ash (with Mandalorian Armor), Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Dialga, Palkia, Rayquazza, Regirock, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Drago, Jiggly Puff, Wiggly Tuff, Mew, Mewtoo, Diglet, Blastois, Charmeleon, Hordack (with a yellow power ring), The Defenders of the earth: Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, Lothar, Lothar Jr., Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, Kshin, & Zuffy, Halk Karr, Trygon, Omac, Kid Deadpool, Watchdog #1-3, Doozer #3, & Ewok #76.
Never before in all of Fantasy Fantasy have two teams from opposite leagues had so much animosity towards each other. Fans of The Abomitrons have been criticizing Coach Pennyworth for weeks for not putting enough thought into the first 2 weeks because he was obviously looking ahead to his big match with the new 2 and 0 expansion team Hayley’s Comets. The Comets, and their numerous sub-groups have so far shocked the FFL as they have won 2 straight matches, with their huge upset against The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets and their defeat of The American League’s most talked about new team Logical Genocide (a major fan favorite amongst FFL newbs). These teams are both transported right outside the Jedi temple, where they waste no time clashing with one another. The Immells immediately start battling with The Justice Force, while Spider-boy and Ultra Boy square off against Halk Karr & Omac. Hancock meets Hordack in battle high above the Coruscant skyline while Zombie Neo partakes in a mindless and vile battle with the evil Trygon. The Ben 10 Alien Force are followed by Cerberus & Lucario as they square off against Ash and his platoon of Pokemon. Kid Deadpool throws a homemade grenade at Blade, but the daywalker uses his sword to bat it right back at Wade Wilson’s former sidekick to blow him to pieces. Blade then puts a silver bullet into the head of the ultra-fuzzy Ewok #76 before he takes on all 3 of the Watchdogs. Zombie Neo flies directly into the center of Trygon’s fiery core and begins sucking the evil life right out of him. Trygon fights this with all of his might but he is unable to fight off the power of The One, even if he is only a shell of what he once was. Zombie Neo sucks the life out of Trygon completely, but in the end he is unable to sustain the power that he has stolen from the Underworld master due to the fact that he is still powered by what is good about the human race, despite being reduced to a mindless zombie. Once the energy is completely absorbed by Neo; he explodes, not only blowing the top off of the Jedi Temple but also dispersing many characters all over the city. Most notably: Ewok Child #1 and Doozer #3, who were thrust into the Men’s bathroom on the lower level of the Jedi Temple. These 2 vicious fighters begin an amazing fight, as they fall in and out of the various sized toilets hurling intergalactic poop at each other. Ewok Child #1 grabs Doozer #3 and shoves his face in a huge pile of Rodian turds while Doozer #3 gets his hand on some Twileck urine soaked Wookie stool to shove in the mouth of the little ewok. This fight carries on for quite some time before they both die of the first stages of intergalactic dysentery. Back outside Ash launches out all 17 of his pokeballs (and his Bakugan) at Ben 10 and his homeboys (and homegirl). Lucario defeats Diglet in one on one combat but is then destroyed by Mew and Mewtoo. But when the enormous 3 headed dog known as Cerberus jumps into the fray, the Pokemon have their hands full (even though most of them don’t have hands, but they have their hoofs, claws, feet, & paws full as well). Cerberus simultaneously uses his 3 heads to swallow Mew, Mewtoo, & Empoleon; while Ben turns in to HUMONGASAUR and crushes Dialga & Palkia. Gwen uses her plumber magic to take out Infernape, but when Kevin uses his powers to become as hard as the concrete underneath him, it is still not enough to block the rocket that Ash blasts him with from his new suit of Mandalorian Armor. Gwen uses her shielding powers to not only block the attacks from Rayquazza, but also to slice both Drago and Wiggly Tuff in half. Jiggly Puff does manage to get thru her shield and put her to sleep so Ash can blast her with some lasers and finish her off as well. HUMONGASAUR and Cerberus are now pretty unhappy at the deaths of both Gwen and Kevin (well, Cerberus is always unhappy, but Ben has a reason). These 2 giants both go on a complete rampage and wipe out Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Rayquazza, Prinplup, Jiggly Tuff, Blastois, & Charmeleon. Ash and Piplup back away from the fight for now, knowing that they don’t have enough firepower to take out the Ben and Cerberus. While Yaddle leads Underdog and Smaug against The Defenders of the earth. Spider-boy and Ultra Boy have been battling with Halk Karr and Omac. The Legion of Super Heroes own Ultra Boy manages to punch Omac (The One Man Army Corp) hard enough that he is sent sailing away from the fight for a couple of minutes, so both Ultra Boy and the Amalgamation of Super Boy and Spider Man can double team Superman’s little brother (Halk Karr). Halk Karr lands a punch on Spider-boy that breaks his neck, but Ultra Boy is able to finish off Halk Karr in much the same manner. Blade makes even quicker work of the 3 Watchdogs than Capt. America used to and then tries to seek out some of his fellow Abomitrons to lend a hand. Hancock and the Sinestro-powered Hordack are locked in an intense battle high in the air, but in the end it is Hancock’s knowledge of how to handle himself in flight that proves to be Hordack’s downfall. Hancock manages to fly under Hordack’s magical/yellow energy powered attacks to crush in the evil Eternian’s head. Underdog busts up Lothar Jr. with a super-powered paw to the head which makes Lothar Sr. pretty mad. Unfortunately Lothar gets his head chopped off by the lightsaber of Yaddle before he can avenge his son’s death. Smaug continues to pick on the children of the Defenders of the earth by burning Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, & Kshin to a crisp with his fire breath. Flash Gordon & The Phantom then take the revenge that Lothar could not get and jump on the back of Smaug. Flash & The Phantom then use some crazy Kung Fu nonsense or something to find the weak spots on Smaug and finish him off Bilbo style. Mandrake the Magician focuses his magical power toward the tiny little Yaddle, but the Jedi Master manages to block it with the force and send it right back at the magician, killing him with his own power. Flash Gordon then breaks the neck of Underdog to the tune of everybody’s least favorite Queen song, but Underdog is avenged by Yaddle throwing her lightsaber in the heart of Flash. Cyborg Norris (Immell #1) is locked in an amazing test of strength with The Silver Sentry while Battledae and Rob Murray double team Metal Head. Metal Head puts up a great fight but the little crazy-haired midget just simply can’t handle the weird dynamic duo of cloned Batman and Robin with Tim Cheveldae and Bryan Murray. Silver Sentry fights on with Cyborg Norris, but while he is he yells to his troops to fight on against not only the Immells, but the rest of The Abomitrons who are coming to lend a hand to the Immells. Boomerang boomerangs Timmell to death, but then is by an axe to the head from Death Hammer. Green Mantle, puts on a Fantasy Fantasy clinic and uses his green power ring to take out not only Ziggimore (Immell #15), but Battledae and Rob Murray as well (Immells #2 & 3). He is then taken out by the flying lightsaber wielding duo of Jedi Fire & Raven Knight (Immells #10 & 11). Paddle (Immell #4) uses her hockey stick shaped lightsaber to take out Raptarr, while The Captain (Immell #5) outsmarts Nano by using his hockey stick shield apparatus (he’s a clone between Steve Yzerman and Captain America in case you haven’t memorized all of The Immells yet). Tammell (Immell #14) uses some mad-sick super-advanced scientific (baseball & hockey based) martial arts to mop the floor with Ananda and Chrysalis, but she is eventually taken out by the killer (Batman rip-off) moves of Nobody. Hancock flies back into the fray and lands directly on Tsunami leaving quite a wave in the Coruscant cement, right at about the same time as Cyborg Norris executes a mid-air roundhouse kick to the head of The Silver Sentry which knocks his noggin clean off. Hayley’s Comets were about to make their final push when Nobody saw this transpire from below. With the Silver Sentry dead The Comets hopes are dashed and Nobody orders the retreat. He escapes along with Ash, Piplup, a battered Omac, The Phantom, and Zuffy.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Built (Bill) Ford Tough vs. Better Than All of You
"An incandescent organ of life, visibly vibrating with the pulses of billions."
―Supreme Chancellor Signet Mezzileen
I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Han Solo and Chewbacca in Air Wolf, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford and Scout Troopers #1 and 2 in the EM-50, U.S. Agent on a Speeder Bike, Jeff Houslander, Barry Sanders and The Mars Detective Agency: Keith Mars, Veronica Mars and Weevil in Jeff's Dodge Ram 3500, Wilt on a Scooter, Steve McQueen on a Crotch Rocket, Power Man, Iron, Fist and Grimace in a Mail Jeep, Fantastic Max, FX and AB in a Go-Cart, Scout Troopers #3-5 on Speeder Bikes, Scout Trooper #6, Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Santo, Ianto Jones, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishii, Vernita Green and Elle Driver, The Flaming Carrot, Darkwing Duck, Cookies, Nom Anor, Mandalorians #6-9, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26.
Better Than All of You: Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) and Astro-Droid #17 (RVD-1) in an X-Wing, Thanos, David Dunn, Gwar: Oderus Urungus (w/ red lightsaber), Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death (w/ green lightsaber), Beefcake the Mighty (w/ blue lightsaber), Jizmack Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner and Sleazy P. Martini, Sabu (in Mandalorian Armor), Rob Van Dam, Loki and Bartleby in a Mail Jeep, Gray Hulk, Abomination, Iron Spider Man, Anti-Venom, Red Lantern #1, Yellow Lantern #1, Jedi Councilman #1 and Hulk Hogan.
In the sky above Coruscant, Air Wolf races by the X-Wing controlled by Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) and Astro-Droid #17 (RVD-1). Air Wolf appears to be far outmatched by the rebel fighter. Nonetheless, what the copter lacks in weaponry is more than made up for by the skills of the pilot flying it.
Han Solo (looking at Chewbacca): Never tell me the odds!
Although Jordan is a fighter-pilot flying a space vehicle, he is still no match for the flight skills and sheer determination of the Corellian smuggler and his Wookiee co-pilot. The Falcon actually manages to shoot the X-Wing down. RVD-1 explodes with the X-Wing; Jordan launches out of the cockpit and escapes.
Steve McQueen rides his crotch rocket through Coruscant’s Monument Plaza. McQueen spots Rob Van Dam and draws his pistol. He fires at Van Dam, but is unable to hit the wrestler while avoiding the stone monoliths that litter the battlefield. Van Dam jumps on top of a statue and rips McQueen off from his bike. The two tumble to the ground and the crotch rocket explodes as it hits a statue. The two clear their heads. McQueen is the first to react; he pulls a knife out of his sock and throws it at VanDam. The knife strikes Van Dam between the eyes; Van Dam dies. Sabu sees his wrestling brother die. Sabu takes revenge and uses his newly-adorned Mandalorian armor. He launches a rocket at McQueen. The explosion throws McQueen into one of the monoliths. Nom Anor peeks from behind the marble and slices McQueen’s throat. Anor covertly fades into the shadows, once again. Mandalorians #6-9 fly to the scene and are disgusted to see this faux-Mandalorian adorning their armor. They quickly decide that Sabu is not fit to wear their gear. Mandalorians #6-9 decimate Sabu.
Scout Trooper #6 walks the Plaza. He kicks a piece of litter across the Plaza, somewhat disappointed that he was not allowed to ride one of the speeder bikes. He is met by Hulk Hogan. Hogan sees Scout Trooper #6 and rips off his shirt. Before Scout Trooper #6 can draw his weapon, Hogan is upon him. Hogan uses the monument next to the Trooper as a turnbuckle and commits a Body Avalanche. The Scout Trooper is stunned. As Scout Trooper #6 rises, Hogan uses a flying clothesline to break Scout Trooper #6’s neck. Scout Troopers #3-5 race their Speeder Bikes to meet Hogan. They each shoot a grappling hook from the speeders at Hogan’s arms and legs. Hogan is splayed out, his arms together and each leg attached to a different bike. The three Scout Troopers go their own way and the grappling lines rip Hogan apart. Cocky at their easy defeat of Hogan, the three Scout Troopers focus on more formidable prey: Gray Hulk, Abomination and Iron Spiderman. This was a mistake. The battle is short lived as Gray Hulk kills Scout Trooper #3 and destroys his bike; Abomination kills Scout Trooper #4 and destroys his bike and Iron Spiderman kills Scout Trooper #5 and destroys his bike.
Fantastic Max, FX and AB ride in a Go-Cart around the Plaza; they crash into David Dunn. Dunn shakes off the crash, which has destroyed the Go-Cart and left Fantastic Max, FX and AB sprawled across the stoned-floor. Dunn manages to kill all three characters; the floor is littered with blood and doll parts. As Dunn moves from the carnage, Wilt sees his chance and with his scooter, crashes into Dunn. Dunn falls into a water fountain. U.S. Agent on a speeder bike pulls up. Knowing that Dunn’s weakness is water, he uses all of his strength to hold Dunn’s head down under the fountain’s fluid. Dunn drowns. Wilt and U.S. Agent high-five and rush back to the match at hand. Wilt’s victory is short lived as Anti-Venom trips Wilt on his scooter. Anti-Venom is upon Wilt in seconds and engulfs the character with its mass. Wilt suffocates and dies. U.S. Agent sees his comrade being killed by Anti-Venom and rushes back. U.S. Agent fights Anti-Venom and slices him in half with his shield. With Brock dead, the symbiote flows into the cracks of the battlefield, having lost its host.
The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishii, Vernita Green and Elle Driver take on Gwar: Oderus Urungus (w/ red lightsaber), Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death (w/ green lightsaber), Beefcake the Mighty (w/ blue lightsaber), Jizmack Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner and Sleazy P. Martini. The first to fall in the battle is Vernita Green. It is ironic that she is killed by the green lightsaber wielded by Balsac the Jaws of Death. Elle Driver’s fighting skills are superior to that of Beefcake the Mighty. Nonetheless, she eventually succumbs to the blue lightsaber of BTM. Bud manages to kill Flattus Maximus, but is sliced in half by the red lightsaber of Oderus Urungus. The rest of the Viper Squad has better luck with the un-lightsaber-armed Gwar-mates. O Ren Ishii breaks the neck of Slymenstra Hymen and Bill kills Sleazy P. Martini. O Ren Ishii and Bill join forces and skewer the Sexecutioner and Jizmack Da Gusha with their blades. As Oderus Urungus, Balsac the Jaws of Death and Beefcake the Mighty face the Viper Squad duo, they smile; light sabers will definitely slice through the steel blades of O Ren Ishii and Bill. As they close in on the Vipers, the trio is smashed into by Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford and Scout Troopers #1 and 2 in the EM-50. Although Oderus Urungus and Balsac the Jaws of Death are able to avoid being run over, Beefcake the Mighty is not so lucky. Beefcake is crushed underneath the EM-50’s wheels. As the GWAR duo rise, they are met head on by Houslander’s 3500 and the Mail Jeep. After Oderus is struck, out from the Houslander 3500 are Jeff Houslander, Barry Sanders and The Mars Detective Agency: Keith Mars, Veronica Mars and Weevil. The teammates repeatedly stomp on and pummel Oderus who never rises again. Balsac the Jaws of Death is devastated by the combined skills of Power Man and Iron Fist. Grimace giggles on the sideline of the fracas, watching his teammates kill the remaining Gwar member.
Not to be outdone by the car demolition in front of them, Loki and Bartleby ram Houslander’s Ram 3500 with their Mail Jeep.
Houslander: MY TRUCK!!!!
Jeff Houslander becomes enraged and storms over to meet Loki and Bartleby. The Dogma angels cannot believe the gall of the mortal Houslander. The angels are about to kill Houslander when they are swarmed by the Ford Tough team. Loki and Bartleby are not only facing off against Houslander, but Barry Sanders, The Mars Detective Agency, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, Scout Troopers #1 and 2, Power Man, Iron Fist and Grimace. Loki lashes out and kills Scout Troopers #1 and #2, and the entire Mars Detective Agency. Before he can unleash his power again Grimace jumps on Loki and pins him down with his tremendous weight. While Loki struggles against the immense purple blob, O Ren Ishii and Bill slice of Loki’s wings with their katanas. Power Man and Iron Fist join the fray and beat Loki to a pulp. Loki dies. Bartleby sees his angel brethren die and lashes out. Bartleby kills Barry Sanders and Jack Ryan. The super-trio of Gray Hulk, Abomination and Iron Spider Man join forces and kill Bartleby.
Jedi Councilman #1 sees what transpired with the GWAR crew. GWAR’s use of their awarded light sabers was embarrassing; the Councilman will show what a true force-wielder with a lightsaber can do. The Jedi Councilman meets O Ren Ishii and Bill and slices through both.
Han Solo and Chewbacca spot Jedi Councilman #1 and fire all of Air Wolf’s weapons. Although the Councilman deflects a majority of the bullets, the weaponry eventually rips Jedi Councilman #1 apart. The Better Than lanterns come together and Hal Jordan, Red Lantern #1 and Yellow Lantern #1 pummel the military chopper. Air Wolf is beyond repair and is going down. Han Solo and Chewbacca look at each other and their imminent death. They look into each other’s eyes and hold hands.
Solo: You were a good friend, fur ball!
Chewbacca: Grrrooouugh!!!!
Solo and Chewbacca die with their ship. The Lanterns then focus on Mandalorians #6-9. The Mandalorians’ lasers and rockets repeatedly fire at the Lanterns, who use the powers of their rings to deflect same. Each then focuses on a different Mandalorian. Mandalorians #6 and #7 are killed by Jordan. Mandalorian #8 is killed by Yellow Lantern #1. Mandalorian #9 is killed by Red Lantern #1.
The Flaming Carrot, Darkwing Duck, Cookies, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26 focus on the melee taking place around them. Thanos comes upon the scene.
Thanos: This is a joke. . .
Thanos utilizes his energy and matter manipulation to destroy all of the “not-the-strongest” characters listed above- The Flaming Carrot, Darkwing Duck, Cookies, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26. Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Santo and Ianto Jones focus on the extra-terrestrial being. The Torchwood crew uses their advanced scientific skills and weapons on Thanos. Although Thanos at first repels the assault, he eventually succumbs and is destroyed. Their victory is short-lived as Gray Hulk and Abomination rip through the team. Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Santo and Ianto Jones are killed.
U.S. Agent pulls up on his Speeder Bike next to Jeff Houslander, Harrison Ford, Power Man, Iron Fist, Grimace, Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper and Nom Anor.
U.S. Agent: We need to leave, or die!
Nom Anor: This shows weakness! A warrior must die in battle!
U.S. Agent: Suit yourself.
Nom Anor rushes away from his teammates and at Iron Spiderman. With a pulse ray burst, Nom Anor dies.
U.S. Agent: One more down. . . We cannot afford any more. Everyone-to the EM-50!
Houslander: I don’t like to run!
Harkness: Neither do I, but live another day!
Cooper: Get to the EM-50!!!
The remaining Built (Bill) Ford Tough team jumps into the EM-50, followed by the U.S. Agent on his speeder bike and together they ride away.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: U.S. Agent, Jeff Houslander, Harrison Ford, Power Man, Iron Fist, Grimace, Captain Jack Harkness and Gwen Cooper survive-but retreat.
Better Than All Of You: Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) Gray Hulk, Abomination, Iron Spiderman, Red Lantern #1 and Yellow Lantern #1 survive.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
―Supreme Chancellor Signet Mezzileen
I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Han Solo and Chewbacca in Air Wolf, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford and Scout Troopers #1 and 2 in the EM-50, U.S. Agent on a Speeder Bike, Jeff Houslander, Barry Sanders and The Mars Detective Agency: Keith Mars, Veronica Mars and Weevil in Jeff's Dodge Ram 3500, Wilt on a Scooter, Steve McQueen on a Crotch Rocket, Power Man, Iron, Fist and Grimace in a Mail Jeep, Fantastic Max, FX and AB in a Go-Cart, Scout Troopers #3-5 on Speeder Bikes, Scout Trooper #6, Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Santo, Ianto Jones, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishii, Vernita Green and Elle Driver, The Flaming Carrot, Darkwing Duck, Cookies, Nom Anor, Mandalorians #6-9, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26.
Better Than All of You: Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) and Astro-Droid #17 (RVD-1) in an X-Wing, Thanos, David Dunn, Gwar: Oderus Urungus (w/ red lightsaber), Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death (w/ green lightsaber), Beefcake the Mighty (w/ blue lightsaber), Jizmack Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner and Sleazy P. Martini, Sabu (in Mandalorian Armor), Rob Van Dam, Loki and Bartleby in a Mail Jeep, Gray Hulk, Abomination, Iron Spider Man, Anti-Venom, Red Lantern #1, Yellow Lantern #1, Jedi Councilman #1 and Hulk Hogan.
In the sky above Coruscant, Air Wolf races by the X-Wing controlled by Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) and Astro-Droid #17 (RVD-1). Air Wolf appears to be far outmatched by the rebel fighter. Nonetheless, what the copter lacks in weaponry is more than made up for by the skills of the pilot flying it.
Han Solo (looking at Chewbacca): Never tell me the odds!
Although Jordan is a fighter-pilot flying a space vehicle, he is still no match for the flight skills and sheer determination of the Corellian smuggler and his Wookiee co-pilot. The Falcon actually manages to shoot the X-Wing down. RVD-1 explodes with the X-Wing; Jordan launches out of the cockpit and escapes.
Steve McQueen rides his crotch rocket through Coruscant’s Monument Plaza. McQueen spots Rob Van Dam and draws his pistol. He fires at Van Dam, but is unable to hit the wrestler while avoiding the stone monoliths that litter the battlefield. Van Dam jumps on top of a statue and rips McQueen off from his bike. The two tumble to the ground and the crotch rocket explodes as it hits a statue. The two clear their heads. McQueen is the first to react; he pulls a knife out of his sock and throws it at VanDam. The knife strikes Van Dam between the eyes; Van Dam dies. Sabu sees his wrestling brother die. Sabu takes revenge and uses his newly-adorned Mandalorian armor. He launches a rocket at McQueen. The explosion throws McQueen into one of the monoliths. Nom Anor peeks from behind the marble and slices McQueen’s throat. Anor covertly fades into the shadows, once again. Mandalorians #6-9 fly to the scene and are disgusted to see this faux-Mandalorian adorning their armor. They quickly decide that Sabu is not fit to wear their gear. Mandalorians #6-9 decimate Sabu.
Scout Trooper #6 walks the Plaza. He kicks a piece of litter across the Plaza, somewhat disappointed that he was not allowed to ride one of the speeder bikes. He is met by Hulk Hogan. Hogan sees Scout Trooper #6 and rips off his shirt. Before Scout Trooper #6 can draw his weapon, Hogan is upon him. Hogan uses the monument next to the Trooper as a turnbuckle and commits a Body Avalanche. The Scout Trooper is stunned. As Scout Trooper #6 rises, Hogan uses a flying clothesline to break Scout Trooper #6’s neck. Scout Troopers #3-5 race their Speeder Bikes to meet Hogan. They each shoot a grappling hook from the speeders at Hogan’s arms and legs. Hogan is splayed out, his arms together and each leg attached to a different bike. The three Scout Troopers go their own way and the grappling lines rip Hogan apart. Cocky at their easy defeat of Hogan, the three Scout Troopers focus on more formidable prey: Gray Hulk, Abomination and Iron Spiderman. This was a mistake. The battle is short lived as Gray Hulk kills Scout Trooper #3 and destroys his bike; Abomination kills Scout Trooper #4 and destroys his bike and Iron Spiderman kills Scout Trooper #5 and destroys his bike.
Fantastic Max, FX and AB ride in a Go-Cart around the Plaza; they crash into David Dunn. Dunn shakes off the crash, which has destroyed the Go-Cart and left Fantastic Max, FX and AB sprawled across the stoned-floor. Dunn manages to kill all three characters; the floor is littered with blood and doll parts. As Dunn moves from the carnage, Wilt sees his chance and with his scooter, crashes into Dunn. Dunn falls into a water fountain. U.S. Agent on a speeder bike pulls up. Knowing that Dunn’s weakness is water, he uses all of his strength to hold Dunn’s head down under the fountain’s fluid. Dunn drowns. Wilt and U.S. Agent high-five and rush back to the match at hand. Wilt’s victory is short lived as Anti-Venom trips Wilt on his scooter. Anti-Venom is upon Wilt in seconds and engulfs the character with its mass. Wilt suffocates and dies. U.S. Agent sees his comrade being killed by Anti-Venom and rushes back. U.S. Agent fights Anti-Venom and slices him in half with his shield. With Brock dead, the symbiote flows into the cracks of the battlefield, having lost its host.
The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishii, Vernita Green and Elle Driver take on Gwar: Oderus Urungus (w/ red lightsaber), Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death (w/ green lightsaber), Beefcake the Mighty (w/ blue lightsaber), Jizmack Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner and Sleazy P. Martini. The first to fall in the battle is Vernita Green. It is ironic that she is killed by the green lightsaber wielded by Balsac the Jaws of Death. Elle Driver’s fighting skills are superior to that of Beefcake the Mighty. Nonetheless, she eventually succumbs to the blue lightsaber of BTM. Bud manages to kill Flattus Maximus, but is sliced in half by the red lightsaber of Oderus Urungus. The rest of the Viper Squad has better luck with the un-lightsaber-armed Gwar-mates. O Ren Ishii breaks the neck of Slymenstra Hymen and Bill kills Sleazy P. Martini. O Ren Ishii and Bill join forces and skewer the Sexecutioner and Jizmack Da Gusha with their blades. As Oderus Urungus, Balsac the Jaws of Death and Beefcake the Mighty face the Viper Squad duo, they smile; light sabers will definitely slice through the steel blades of O Ren Ishii and Bill. As they close in on the Vipers, the trio is smashed into by Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford and Scout Troopers #1 and 2 in the EM-50. Although Oderus Urungus and Balsac the Jaws of Death are able to avoid being run over, Beefcake the Mighty is not so lucky. Beefcake is crushed underneath the EM-50’s wheels. As the GWAR duo rise, they are met head on by Houslander’s 3500 and the Mail Jeep. After Oderus is struck, out from the Houslander 3500 are Jeff Houslander, Barry Sanders and The Mars Detective Agency: Keith Mars, Veronica Mars and Weevil. The teammates repeatedly stomp on and pummel Oderus who never rises again. Balsac the Jaws of Death is devastated by the combined skills of Power Man and Iron Fist. Grimace giggles on the sideline of the fracas, watching his teammates kill the remaining Gwar member.
Not to be outdone by the car demolition in front of them, Loki and Bartleby ram Houslander’s Ram 3500 with their Mail Jeep.
Houslander: MY TRUCK!!!!
Jeff Houslander becomes enraged and storms over to meet Loki and Bartleby. The Dogma angels cannot believe the gall of the mortal Houslander. The angels are about to kill Houslander when they are swarmed by the Ford Tough team. Loki and Bartleby are not only facing off against Houslander, but Barry Sanders, The Mars Detective Agency, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, Scout Troopers #1 and 2, Power Man, Iron Fist and Grimace. Loki lashes out and kills Scout Troopers #1 and #2, and the entire Mars Detective Agency. Before he can unleash his power again Grimace jumps on Loki and pins him down with his tremendous weight. While Loki struggles against the immense purple blob, O Ren Ishii and Bill slice of Loki’s wings with their katanas. Power Man and Iron Fist join the fray and beat Loki to a pulp. Loki dies. Bartleby sees his angel brethren die and lashes out. Bartleby kills Barry Sanders and Jack Ryan. The super-trio of Gray Hulk, Abomination and Iron Spider Man join forces and kill Bartleby.
Jedi Councilman #1 sees what transpired with the GWAR crew. GWAR’s use of their awarded light sabers was embarrassing; the Councilman will show what a true force-wielder with a lightsaber can do. The Jedi Councilman meets O Ren Ishii and Bill and slices through both.
Han Solo and Chewbacca spot Jedi Councilman #1 and fire all of Air Wolf’s weapons. Although the Councilman deflects a majority of the bullets, the weaponry eventually rips Jedi Councilman #1 apart. The Better Than lanterns come together and Hal Jordan, Red Lantern #1 and Yellow Lantern #1 pummel the military chopper. Air Wolf is beyond repair and is going down. Han Solo and Chewbacca look at each other and their imminent death. They look into each other’s eyes and hold hands.
Solo: You were a good friend, fur ball!
Chewbacca: Grrrooouugh!!!!
Solo and Chewbacca die with their ship. The Lanterns then focus on Mandalorians #6-9. The Mandalorians’ lasers and rockets repeatedly fire at the Lanterns, who use the powers of their rings to deflect same. Each then focuses on a different Mandalorian. Mandalorians #6 and #7 are killed by Jordan. Mandalorian #8 is killed by Yellow Lantern #1. Mandalorian #9 is killed by Red Lantern #1.
The Flaming Carrot, Darkwing Duck, Cookies, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26 focus on the melee taking place around them. Thanos comes upon the scene.
Thanos: This is a joke. . .
Thanos utilizes his energy and matter manipulation to destroy all of the “not-the-strongest” characters listed above- The Flaming Carrot, Darkwing Duck, Cookies, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26. Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Santo and Ianto Jones focus on the extra-terrestrial being. The Torchwood crew uses their advanced scientific skills and weapons on Thanos. Although Thanos at first repels the assault, he eventually succumbs and is destroyed. Their victory is short-lived as Gray Hulk and Abomination rip through the team. Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Santo and Ianto Jones are killed.
U.S. Agent pulls up on his Speeder Bike next to Jeff Houslander, Harrison Ford, Power Man, Iron Fist, Grimace, Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper and Nom Anor.
U.S. Agent: We need to leave, or die!
Nom Anor: This shows weakness! A warrior must die in battle!
U.S. Agent: Suit yourself.
Nom Anor rushes away from his teammates and at Iron Spiderman. With a pulse ray burst, Nom Anor dies.
U.S. Agent: One more down. . . We cannot afford any more. Everyone-to the EM-50!
Houslander: I don’t like to run!
Harkness: Neither do I, but live another day!
Cooper: Get to the EM-50!!!
The remaining Built (Bill) Ford Tough team jumps into the EM-50, followed by the U.S. Agent on his speeder bike and together they ride away.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: U.S. Agent, Jeff Houslander, Harrison Ford, Power Man, Iron Fist, Grimace, Captain Jack Harkness and Gwen Cooper survive-but retreat.
Better Than All Of You: Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) Gray Hulk, Abomination, Iron Spiderman, Red Lantern #1 and Yellow Lantern #1 survive.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. P.M.S.
Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches are Darth Talon, Storm Trooper #15, Dark Side Marauder #7 & 15, War Skrull #8, Fangry & Briscoe, Dark Phoenix, Vulcan, Dracula, Magog, Arkillo, The Living Tribunal, & The One Above All.
P.M.S. is The Candy Land Crew: The Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice, & Gloppy the Molasses Monster, Magnetic Kid, Nateri, Armor, Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, The Guild of Drundel Dorks: Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Arjhan Darkscale, Groudious Maximus, Evette, & Bagwa, Freddy Krueger (w/ yellow power ring), The Leprechaun, The Sentry, IG-88, The Beast, Chun Li, Black Dragon #12, Spawn, M. Bison, Predator #47, Xenomorph #51, Storm Trooper #49, The Peach, & Dick Trickle.
M. Bison takes charge of The P.M.S. line and states that if they are going to stand a chance against The Backyardigans, then they are going to have to work as a unit. Darth Talon orders her anxious group of troops to hold back and wait as they duck behind a group of various aliens that are walking thru the crowded streets of Coruscant, totally ignorant to what carnage is about to reign down on their city once this battle begins. “Why on earth would we hold back from an expansion team, especially one from the National League”? Asks Magog. Darth Talon replies with: “patience my horned friend, Lord Vader did not feel the need to make his own presence known today, but he and our Backyardigan coaches are anxious to see how well our new acquisitions are going to pan out. We’ll see how well this elusive One Above All and his follower The Living Tribunal do against this team and then we’ll think about joining the fight”. The powers that be in the Backyardigan locker room, are a bit concerned because although they have seen The Living Tribunal, they have yet to see the other half of their 2nd round draft pick. Darth Talon approaches The Living Tribunal and says: “So you’re supposed master, The One Above All is listed on today’s line-up. Do you mind telling us where he is”? The Living Tribunal assures the Sith Lord, that he will show up if he feels that it is necessary. Darth Talon then orders The Living Tribunal to begin this fight: “And you had better show us something impressive, because at this point I don’t much see the purpose of such elusive and invisible powers” Lord Talon adds. Darth Talon then orders her troops to hang back behind the tattered Coruscant building while The Living Tribunal flies off to attack The Promiscuous Murdering Sluts all by himself. M. Bison order his troops to attack, but The Living Tribunal simply waves his hand and takes out both Magnetic Kid and Armor. The Peach tries to attack The Living Tribunal with his astounding powers of looking like Danny Devito, but the cosmic entity crushes the chunky little man with his pointer finger. The Sentry goes in for the kill and actually manages to tackle the golden muscular figure to the ground. Very few fighters even have the ability to get that close to the Living Tribunal let alone throw him down, but The Sentry manages to do it. The Living Tribunal takes flight in an attempt to get away from The Sentry, but we all know that this battle is far from over. The Living Tribunal is high above the Coruscant skyline when The Sentry takes to the air after him. The Living Tribunal begins to conjure up some major cosmic energy to use against The Sentry, when The Sentry reaches behind his back and pulls out The Leprechaun, whom he was doing an amazing job of hiding (I mean, he isn’t that small, right). The Sentry then throws the Leprechaun at The Living Tribunal who says: “Ahhh, what a nice suit of armor, I think I’ll add it to me pot o’ gold”. The Living Tribunal is about to use his cosmic powers to destroy the little Leprechaun, when the Leprechaun uses his magical power and mastery of all things gold to rip The Living Tribunal’s golden body apart………. Hang on….. I’m just giving Beckerman a minute to pound his fist on the table in anger after The Living Tribunal’s death at the hands of The Leprechaun. But I mean, The Leprechaun can kill The Living Tribunal the week of St. Patrick’s Day; can’t he?? O.K. fine disagree with me, just keep nay saying. I honestly don’t care. Alright, whatever… Back to the match. With the Living Tribunal’s death, one who is even more powerful suddenly appears. One known simply as The One Above all. The One Above All can take whatever shape he wishes, or no shape at all if he prefers. But at this time he chooses to appear in the most obvious possible way. A 5 foot 5 inch tall man wearing jeans and a black t-shirt suddenly appears out of nowhere walking down the worn Coruscant street. He walks with a bit of a slouch and appears to have his hair slicked back with Dollar Tree hair gel to take attention away from the fact that he is looking kind of old and could definitely peel 15 pounds. He is of course the all-powerful Commissioner of Fantasy Fantasy. The one man who can dictate the goings on of any match no matter how ridiculous: Josh Houslander. Josh “The One Above All” Houslander merely looks at Scott Pilgrim and his crew and decides that he simply does not feel like switching tabs and looking at Wikipedia at the moment to find out who the hell they actually are so he wipes them off of the computer and puts an automatic death hash mark next to their name in the green notebook (Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, & Kim Pine are destroyed). Josh “The One Above All” Houslander then digs deep into his psyche and remembers that he was to broke to see that Cameron movie (what the s**t was that called again) so he wipes Nateri off of the face of the match as well. M. Bison looks to the frightened Freddy Krueger and The Sentry in hopes that they have some semblance of a plan but he receives nothing from his teammates. Is there no power in the universe that can compete with this all-powerful deity like figure? Luckily there is: and they are known as The Guild of Drundel Dorks. Dr. Boom Boom Pow leads the attack against the One Above All, but he and Arjhan Darkscale are both unable to attack, because they are either shut down by Josh “The One Above All” Houslander’s powers or because they missed their roll because they are upstairs looking thru Chris’s fridge for beer. Evette deva envokes something to distract the mighty Marvel character, while Groudious Maximus charges him with his maximum Groudiness. Just as the charge is about to be dispelled by The One Above All, Groudious Maximus takes Bagwa off of his back and launches him at The One Above All (sorry, I am just in to midget throwing today). Bagwa luckily rolls a double critical hit as the Bad A** Gnome Wizard Assasin launches a gnarly magical fireball at him. The Fireball hits The One Above All as Bagwa lands right in front of him and then stabs The One Above All with his Wakisachi………. Is this enough to kill The One Above All…………. Uhhhhh…….. Yeah, whatever, today it is. As The One Above All implodes in all of his power, Bagwa and Groudious Maximus are destroyed as well. Darth Talon looks back at her troops and says: “Hmmm, I’m not that impressed. Now, Dark Phoenix: ATTACK”! Dark Phoenix takes to the air and begins to unleash her Phoenix force on The Sluts. Storm Trooper #15 uses his intense Vader induced training to take out Storm Trooper #49, but Dick Trickle runs at the Trooper screaming: “I’M DICK TRICKLE BABY: YOU GONNA DIE AHHHHHHHHH”. Dick then knocks the Trooper over for a second as the Storm Trooper thinks to himself “Dick Trickle, isn’t that that thing I caught from that hooker on Malastare”, but then the trooper snaps out of his daydream and uses his blaster to “blow Dick”…. Away. Storm Trooper #15 is pretty happy with himself, that is until he get ripped apart by Xenomorph #51 right before the alien begins battling with Arkillo. Dark Phoenix flies out toward M. Bison, who is leading his team of elite crack troops into battle, that is if elite crack troops means the Candy Land Crew and it does. This charge is ill-conceived at best as Dark Phoenix releases the phoenix force and turns them into something that kind of smells like caramelized Drunken Noodle. Ig-88 then takes to the air and puts a perfectly placed blaster bolt into the chest of Dark Phoenix to take her out. Dark Phoenix’s dead body falls to the ground, but then Dark Phoenix flies up and says: “Not to bad against War Skrull #8, now let’s see how you do against the real thing”. The Real Dark Phoenix then releases the real Phoenix force”. This instantly engulfs IG-88 as well as Black Dragon #12, whose acid breath does next to nothing against the cosmic power. The Beast moves toward Dracula, but finds that his speed and strength are not as comparable as he had hoped against the vampire. Despite his advanced palette, Dracula enjoys the beastly feast much more than he would have thought. Chun Li fireballs Ewok #48 to death, but Vulcan unleashes some mad mutant power on the stealthy Predator #47 to end his hunt for the night. Freddy Krueger uses his yellow energy laced claws to gut Magog before he joins The Sentry and The Leprechaun (total BFF’s for life) in ripping apart Fangry and Briscoe. Arkillo does not want to be shown up by the yellow ring newbie Freddy Krueger which is why he kicks it up a notch and vaporizes Xenomorph #51, acid and all. Darth Talon and a potent dose of Sith Lightning make short work of Spawn, without even having to ignite her lightsaber. Darth Talon orders her troops to form up around the rubble in which this battle has created, but The Dark Side Marauders don’t make it there in time. Dark Side Marauder #7 had his stomach ripped out by The Leprechaun, while the other one had his neck twisted off by The Sentry. The Sentry yells “NO WAIT Little buddy” to The Leprechaun who charges Darth Talon along with her remaining troops Dark Phoenix, Vulcan, Dracula, & Arkillo meets an obvious doom while Freddy Kruger is already half way home. The Sentry is overcome with apathy (as he tends to be sometimes). But he at least grabs both Chun Li & Evette before he retreats back to base as well.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS: BEEYATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!
P.M.S. is The Candy Land Crew: The Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice, & Gloppy the Molasses Monster, Magnetic Kid, Nateri, Armor, Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, The Guild of Drundel Dorks: Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Arjhan Darkscale, Groudious Maximus, Evette, & Bagwa, Freddy Krueger (w/ yellow power ring), The Leprechaun, The Sentry, IG-88, The Beast, Chun Li, Black Dragon #12, Spawn, M. Bison, Predator #47, Xenomorph #51, Storm Trooper #49, The Peach, & Dick Trickle.
M. Bison takes charge of The P.M.S. line and states that if they are going to stand a chance against The Backyardigans, then they are going to have to work as a unit. Darth Talon orders her anxious group of troops to hold back and wait as they duck behind a group of various aliens that are walking thru the crowded streets of Coruscant, totally ignorant to what carnage is about to reign down on their city once this battle begins. “Why on earth would we hold back from an expansion team, especially one from the National League”? Asks Magog. Darth Talon replies with: “patience my horned friend, Lord Vader did not feel the need to make his own presence known today, but he and our Backyardigan coaches are anxious to see how well our new acquisitions are going to pan out. We’ll see how well this elusive One Above All and his follower The Living Tribunal do against this team and then we’ll think about joining the fight”. The powers that be in the Backyardigan locker room, are a bit concerned because although they have seen The Living Tribunal, they have yet to see the other half of their 2nd round draft pick. Darth Talon approaches The Living Tribunal and says: “So you’re supposed master, The One Above All is listed on today’s line-up. Do you mind telling us where he is”? The Living Tribunal assures the Sith Lord, that he will show up if he feels that it is necessary. Darth Talon then orders The Living Tribunal to begin this fight: “And you had better show us something impressive, because at this point I don’t much see the purpose of such elusive and invisible powers” Lord Talon adds. Darth Talon then orders her troops to hang back behind the tattered Coruscant building while The Living Tribunal flies off to attack The Promiscuous Murdering Sluts all by himself. M. Bison order his troops to attack, but The Living Tribunal simply waves his hand and takes out both Magnetic Kid and Armor. The Peach tries to attack The Living Tribunal with his astounding powers of looking like Danny Devito, but the cosmic entity crushes the chunky little man with his pointer finger. The Sentry goes in for the kill and actually manages to tackle the golden muscular figure to the ground. Very few fighters even have the ability to get that close to the Living Tribunal let alone throw him down, but The Sentry manages to do it. The Living Tribunal takes flight in an attempt to get away from The Sentry, but we all know that this battle is far from over. The Living Tribunal is high above the Coruscant skyline when The Sentry takes to the air after him. The Living Tribunal begins to conjure up some major cosmic energy to use against The Sentry, when The Sentry reaches behind his back and pulls out The Leprechaun, whom he was doing an amazing job of hiding (I mean, he isn’t that small, right). The Sentry then throws the Leprechaun at The Living Tribunal who says: “Ahhh, what a nice suit of armor, I think I’ll add it to me pot o’ gold”. The Living Tribunal is about to use his cosmic powers to destroy the little Leprechaun, when the Leprechaun uses his magical power and mastery of all things gold to rip The Living Tribunal’s golden body apart………. Hang on….. I’m just giving Beckerman a minute to pound his fist on the table in anger after The Living Tribunal’s death at the hands of The Leprechaun. But I mean, The Leprechaun can kill The Living Tribunal the week of St. Patrick’s Day; can’t he?? O.K. fine disagree with me, just keep nay saying. I honestly don’t care. Alright, whatever… Back to the match. With the Living Tribunal’s death, one who is even more powerful suddenly appears. One known simply as The One Above all. The One Above All can take whatever shape he wishes, or no shape at all if he prefers. But at this time he chooses to appear in the most obvious possible way. A 5 foot 5 inch tall man wearing jeans and a black t-shirt suddenly appears out of nowhere walking down the worn Coruscant street. He walks with a bit of a slouch and appears to have his hair slicked back with Dollar Tree hair gel to take attention away from the fact that he is looking kind of old and could definitely peel 15 pounds. He is of course the all-powerful Commissioner of Fantasy Fantasy. The one man who can dictate the goings on of any match no matter how ridiculous: Josh Houslander. Josh “The One Above All” Houslander merely looks at Scott Pilgrim and his crew and decides that he simply does not feel like switching tabs and looking at Wikipedia at the moment to find out who the hell they actually are so he wipes them off of the computer and puts an automatic death hash mark next to their name in the green notebook (Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, & Kim Pine are destroyed). Josh “The One Above All” Houslander then digs deep into his psyche and remembers that he was to broke to see that Cameron movie (what the s**t was that called again) so he wipes Nateri off of the face of the match as well. M. Bison looks to the frightened Freddy Krueger and The Sentry in hopes that they have some semblance of a plan but he receives nothing from his teammates. Is there no power in the universe that can compete with this all-powerful deity like figure? Luckily there is: and they are known as The Guild of Drundel Dorks. Dr. Boom Boom Pow leads the attack against the One Above All, but he and Arjhan Darkscale are both unable to attack, because they are either shut down by Josh “The One Above All” Houslander’s powers or because they missed their roll because they are upstairs looking thru Chris’s fridge for beer. Evette deva envokes something to distract the mighty Marvel character, while Groudious Maximus charges him with his maximum Groudiness. Just as the charge is about to be dispelled by The One Above All, Groudious Maximus takes Bagwa off of his back and launches him at The One Above All (sorry, I am just in to midget throwing today). Bagwa luckily rolls a double critical hit as the Bad A** Gnome Wizard Assasin launches a gnarly magical fireball at him. The Fireball hits The One Above All as Bagwa lands right in front of him and then stabs The One Above All with his Wakisachi………. Is this enough to kill The One Above All…………. Uhhhhh…….. Yeah, whatever, today it is. As The One Above All implodes in all of his power, Bagwa and Groudious Maximus are destroyed as well. Darth Talon looks back at her troops and says: “Hmmm, I’m not that impressed. Now, Dark Phoenix: ATTACK”! Dark Phoenix takes to the air and begins to unleash her Phoenix force on The Sluts. Storm Trooper #15 uses his intense Vader induced training to take out Storm Trooper #49, but Dick Trickle runs at the Trooper screaming: “I’M DICK TRICKLE BABY: YOU GONNA DIE AHHHHHHHHH”. Dick then knocks the Trooper over for a second as the Storm Trooper thinks to himself “Dick Trickle, isn’t that that thing I caught from that hooker on Malastare”, but then the trooper snaps out of his daydream and uses his blaster to “blow Dick”…. Away. Storm Trooper #15 is pretty happy with himself, that is until he get ripped apart by Xenomorph #51 right before the alien begins battling with Arkillo. Dark Phoenix flies out toward M. Bison, who is leading his team of elite crack troops into battle, that is if elite crack troops means the Candy Land Crew and it does. This charge is ill-conceived at best as Dark Phoenix releases the phoenix force and turns them into something that kind of smells like caramelized Drunken Noodle. Ig-88 then takes to the air and puts a perfectly placed blaster bolt into the chest of Dark Phoenix to take her out. Dark Phoenix’s dead body falls to the ground, but then Dark Phoenix flies up and says: “Not to bad against War Skrull #8, now let’s see how you do against the real thing”. The Real Dark Phoenix then releases the real Phoenix force”. This instantly engulfs IG-88 as well as Black Dragon #12, whose acid breath does next to nothing against the cosmic power. The Beast moves toward Dracula, but finds that his speed and strength are not as comparable as he had hoped against the vampire. Despite his advanced palette, Dracula enjoys the beastly feast much more than he would have thought. Chun Li fireballs Ewok #48 to death, but Vulcan unleashes some mad mutant power on the stealthy Predator #47 to end his hunt for the night. Freddy Krueger uses his yellow energy laced claws to gut Magog before he joins The Sentry and The Leprechaun (total BFF’s for life) in ripping apart Fangry and Briscoe. Arkillo does not want to be shown up by the yellow ring newbie Freddy Krueger which is why he kicks it up a notch and vaporizes Xenomorph #51, acid and all. Darth Talon and a potent dose of Sith Lightning make short work of Spawn, without even having to ignite her lightsaber. Darth Talon orders her troops to form up around the rubble in which this battle has created, but The Dark Side Marauders don’t make it there in time. Dark Side Marauder #7 had his stomach ripped out by The Leprechaun, while the other one had his neck twisted off by The Sentry. The Sentry yells “NO WAIT Little buddy” to The Leprechaun who charges Darth Talon along with her remaining troops Dark Phoenix, Vulcan, Dracula, & Arkillo meets an obvious doom while Freddy Kruger is already half way home. The Sentry is overcome with apathy (as he tends to be sometimes). But he at least grabs both Chun Li & Evette before he retreats back to base as well.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS: BEEYATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Week 3 Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. TEAM
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is: Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress, Darth Ocron, Ancient Sith Lord #1-7, & 15, Metron, Dark Dragon, Wookie Soldier #1-24, & Rogue the Bat.
TEAM is: Ultraman, Owlman, Power Ring, White Martian, Johnny Quick, Imperiex, The Shining Force with Bokken, Depa Billaba, Padawan, Crutus Penari, Padawan, Frodo, Zombie Jedi Knight #36 (a.k.a. Zedi Knight), Peter Sosa with Mandalorian Armor, and Sarah Wilson.
The sky of Coruscant is a neon blur as the Crime Syndicate patrol the street.
"An planet that is entirely city? This is amazing. I mean can you imagine how many more banks Coruscant has than a normal planet?" said Owlman.
"Now is not the time." said Ultraman in response. "Peter, lets go look this way."
Pete activated the jets on his Mandalorian armor and Followed Ultraman away from Owlman, Power Ring, and Johnny Quick.
Power Ring was acting twitchy, you see, Volthoom, the Monk Spirit that was trapped in side his mind had decided to sing every single song he could think of by "The Cure" and whenever Power Ring would object, Volthoom would simply remind him that with great power comes great irritation.
Johnny Quick was literally twitchy, he had accidentally dosed himself with a few death sticks when he went off in search of Speed Juice before the fight. However he did manage to get his hands on a "fix" the lights speeding by overhead were not doing him any favors in maintaining his cool.
Meanwhile the entirety of the Shining Force and Bokken were hopelessly lost in the endless roads and intersections of the city... err.. planet... err both...
Depa Billaba, Crutus Penari, and the Padawan had split from the group to patrol for the enemy team.
Imperiex was on his own stomping through the city having trouble imagining anything that could give him much trouble.
Frodo and Sarah were pushing around a metal cage with the Zombie Jedi Knight in it. Clearly he couldn't be trusted but he was too valuable to destroy.
Metron was in his chair disguised above the streets in the passing traffic. Deciding how best to deal with the enemy. He decides that he should spend his time analyzing his enemies for weaknesses.
Finished with his research, Metron first whispers in Rogue the Bat's ear, instructing her that there is a valuable jewel on the finger of the green one with the X on his chest.
This serves as a catalyst. The first domino in the chain. The white martian saw Rogue the Bat and moved to attack her, but Dark Dragon had been informed by Metron that the martians weakness is fire. The dragon makes quick work of the martian with a blast from it's breath.
Seeing the dragon killing the white martian sends Ultraman into a rage. It's not that he cared about the martian, he just hates losing. Ultraman flies directly into the mouth of the Dark Dragon, exploding him from the inside.
Metron saw this and realized that the only way to defeat Ultraman would be to sacrifice himself. Metron calmly flew to Ultraman who was still covered in steaming gore. Ultraman then taunted the god-like Metron.
"What can you possibly do to Me..."
In response, Metron simply whispered the Anti-Life equation into Ultraman's Ear. Ultraman was done for. His will to live was gone completely.
Ultraman then confronted Imperiex determined that the hulking robot assist his suicide... Imperiex was happy to oblige as he has always enjoyed putting the hurt on anything with a spit-curl haircut. Just as Imperiex was about to destroy Ultraman with his chest cannon Pete Sosa flew into the fight.
However Pete still wasn't very practiced with the jetpack and he accidentally activated the rocket mounted on his back and it struck Imperiex's Chest cannon... The resulting explosion Vaporized a Smiling Ultraman who was thrilled to be through with life and threw Pete violently against one of the planet's many buildings, the plate glass window severing his torso neatly in two, the jets still firing on his upper body as his legs fell to the ground below. The exploding corpse of Imperiex crushed 10 of the wookie soldiers when he smacks the streets below.
Metron then moved to handle the next group of enemies, but he saw that The Shining Force and Bokken were still hopelessly lost in the big city and there was no danger from them.
Back in the fight, Power ring had easily dispatched Rogue the Bat. He was searching for Johnny Quick so they could team up and take on the ancient Sith Lords that were slowly approaching. Unfortunately Johnny Quick had found more death sticks.
Johnny Quick had an addictive personality and the resulting death stick / speed juice cocktail sent him over the edge, his body simply couldn't handle the stress and he collapsed.
Sarah and Frodo were about to release the Zombie Jedi Knight, to back up power ring. Unfortunately in the process the Zombie had bit off Frodo's middle finger. Screaming in pain Frodo quickly passed out. The Zombie was just about to turn on Sarah when every single Wookie Soldier from The Annihilation Squad surrounded it. Sarah took this time to slip away as the bowcaster bolts took the zombie jedi apart piece by piece.
Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron appeared to lead the Ancient Sith Lords into combat against Power Ring. Power Ring managed to kill Sith Lord 1,2,3,4, and 5 before being pulled apart by the force powers of Ocron and Voltress.
Ocron, Scarz and Voltress squared off against Depa and Crutus. Crutus reflexively attempted to block an overhead swing from Voltress but the blades passed effortlessly through eachother, Crutus' body was bisected from scalp to belt buckle, unfolding like a peeled banana.
At the sight of this, Depa fled the scene grabbing the padawan learners on her way out.
Owlman witnessed the rest of his team retreating or dead, and decided that a hasty retreat was in his best interest.
Xaviers Annihilation Team is Victorious.
For TEAM: The Shining force, and Bokken never find their way to battle, Sarah Wilson, Depa Billaba, the Padawan's flee. Owlman, scurries off in the night to fight another day. Frodo is alive, but infected with the Zombie Virus.
Xavier's has lost Wookies 1-10, The Dark Dragon, and Rogue the bat.
TEAM is: Ultraman, Owlman, Power Ring, White Martian, Johnny Quick, Imperiex, The Shining Force with Bokken, Depa Billaba, Padawan, Crutus Penari, Padawan, Frodo, Zombie Jedi Knight #36 (a.k.a. Zedi Knight), Peter Sosa with Mandalorian Armor, and Sarah Wilson.
The sky of Coruscant is a neon blur as the Crime Syndicate patrol the street.
"An planet that is entirely city? This is amazing. I mean can you imagine how many more banks Coruscant has than a normal planet?" said Owlman.
"Now is not the time." said Ultraman in response. "Peter, lets go look this way."
Pete activated the jets on his Mandalorian armor and Followed Ultraman away from Owlman, Power Ring, and Johnny Quick.
Power Ring was acting twitchy, you see, Volthoom, the Monk Spirit that was trapped in side his mind had decided to sing every single song he could think of by "The Cure" and whenever Power Ring would object, Volthoom would simply remind him that with great power comes great irritation.
Johnny Quick was literally twitchy, he had accidentally dosed himself with a few death sticks when he went off in search of Speed Juice before the fight. However he did manage to get his hands on a "fix" the lights speeding by overhead were not doing him any favors in maintaining his cool.
Meanwhile the entirety of the Shining Force and Bokken were hopelessly lost in the endless roads and intersections of the city... err.. planet... err both...
Depa Billaba, Crutus Penari, and the Padawan had split from the group to patrol for the enemy team.
Imperiex was on his own stomping through the city having trouble imagining anything that could give him much trouble.
Frodo and Sarah were pushing around a metal cage with the Zombie Jedi Knight in it. Clearly he couldn't be trusted but he was too valuable to destroy.
Metron was in his chair disguised above the streets in the passing traffic. Deciding how best to deal with the enemy. He decides that he should spend his time analyzing his enemies for weaknesses.
Finished with his research, Metron first whispers in Rogue the Bat's ear, instructing her that there is a valuable jewel on the finger of the green one with the X on his chest.
This serves as a catalyst. The first domino in the chain. The white martian saw Rogue the Bat and moved to attack her, but Dark Dragon had been informed by Metron that the martians weakness is fire. The dragon makes quick work of the martian with a blast from it's breath.
Seeing the dragon killing the white martian sends Ultraman into a rage. It's not that he cared about the martian, he just hates losing. Ultraman flies directly into the mouth of the Dark Dragon, exploding him from the inside.
Metron saw this and realized that the only way to defeat Ultraman would be to sacrifice himself. Metron calmly flew to Ultraman who was still covered in steaming gore. Ultraman then taunted the god-like Metron.
"What can you possibly do to Me..."
In response, Metron simply whispered the Anti-Life equation into Ultraman's Ear. Ultraman was done for. His will to live was gone completely.
Ultraman then confronted Imperiex determined that the hulking robot assist his suicide... Imperiex was happy to oblige as he has always enjoyed putting the hurt on anything with a spit-curl haircut. Just as Imperiex was about to destroy Ultraman with his chest cannon Pete Sosa flew into the fight.
However Pete still wasn't very practiced with the jetpack and he accidentally activated the rocket mounted on his back and it struck Imperiex's Chest cannon... The resulting explosion Vaporized a Smiling Ultraman who was thrilled to be through with life and threw Pete violently against one of the planet's many buildings, the plate glass window severing his torso neatly in two, the jets still firing on his upper body as his legs fell to the ground below. The exploding corpse of Imperiex crushed 10 of the wookie soldiers when he smacks the streets below.
Metron then moved to handle the next group of enemies, but he saw that The Shining Force and Bokken were still hopelessly lost in the big city and there was no danger from them.
Back in the fight, Power ring had easily dispatched Rogue the Bat. He was searching for Johnny Quick so they could team up and take on the ancient Sith Lords that were slowly approaching. Unfortunately Johnny Quick had found more death sticks.
Johnny Quick had an addictive personality and the resulting death stick / speed juice cocktail sent him over the edge, his body simply couldn't handle the stress and he collapsed.
Sarah and Frodo were about to release the Zombie Jedi Knight, to back up power ring. Unfortunately in the process the Zombie had bit off Frodo's middle finger. Screaming in pain Frodo quickly passed out. The Zombie was just about to turn on Sarah when every single Wookie Soldier from The Annihilation Squad surrounded it. Sarah took this time to slip away as the bowcaster bolts took the zombie jedi apart piece by piece.
Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron appeared to lead the Ancient Sith Lords into combat against Power Ring. Power Ring managed to kill Sith Lord 1,2,3,4, and 5 before being pulled apart by the force powers of Ocron and Voltress.
Ocron, Scarz and Voltress squared off against Depa and Crutus. Crutus reflexively attempted to block an overhead swing from Voltress but the blades passed effortlessly through eachother, Crutus' body was bisected from scalp to belt buckle, unfolding like a peeled banana.
At the sight of this, Depa fled the scene grabbing the padawan learners on her way out.
Owlman witnessed the rest of his team retreating or dead, and decided that a hasty retreat was in his best interest.
Xaviers Annihilation Team is Victorious.
For TEAM: The Shining force, and Bokken never find their way to battle, Sarah Wilson, Depa Billaba, the Padawan's flee. Owlman, scurries off in the night to fight another day. Frodo is alive, but infected with the Zombie Virus.
Xavier's has lost Wookies 1-10, The Dark Dragon, and Rogue the bat.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Battle for League Domination
After the first week of Inter-League Matches, The American League and the National League are in a dead tie of 6-6. As of this posting, the National League has already won two matches from Week Three, which puts them up 8-6. With ten matches still to go, the competition as well as the trash talking will surely get more heated and probably funnier. Good luck to both leagues.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Oblivio vs. George Washington's Slaves
"Seen from orbit, Imperial Center is a blaze of light and sparkling colors, reminding some spacers of corusca stones, after which this planet was named long ago."
―Pollux Hax
I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:
Oblivio: Chucky, Bride of Chucky, Clary Fray and Golden Army Soldiers #1-18.
George Washington’s Slaves: Porkins and R5-D4 in an X-Wing, Gonzo and Kamilla, Cade Skywalker, Connor MacLeod, Zombie Ki Adi Mundi, King Kong, Loki, Super Soldier, T-1000, Ultraman, Doppleganger, Runner, B’dg and Zillius Zox.
Oblivio is located at Newport. As the match commences, Golden Army Soldiers (hereinafter referred to as “GAS”) #1-18 rise, ready for battle. The Shadowhunter Clary Fray uses her mystical abilities to encase Elven King Balor’s crown under a protective force field for the Golden Army’s protection.
Connor MacLeod and Zombie Ki Adi Mundi are the first to face the GAS at the Newport grounds. The two focus on GAS #3. A grueling and pitched fight between sword masters and GAS #3 occurs. As MacLeod focuses on GAS#3’s right side, Mundi focuses on its left. Although Mundi’s lightsaber manages to slash through GAS#3’s left arm, MacLeod is unable to even dent its right side. MacLeod is stabbed in the stomach by GAS#3. MacLeod falls to his knees and GAS#3 pounces on the Highlander. With a slash of his sword, MacLeod is decapitated. MacLeod’s body slowly rises, a crackling energy flowing through the air. MacLeod’s life force explodes and both GAS#3 and Mundi are thrown across the room. Zombie Mundi and GAS#3 are slow to rise. As Mundi rises, he is met by one-armed GAS#3, GAS#9 and GAS#12. Mundi is unable to fight all three GAS and is killed as they decapitate the zombie, like his Scottish teammate.
Porkins and R5-D4 are in their “Red-Six” X-Wing. The two fly above the battlefield. Porkins fires his lasers and releases proton torpedos, which rip the land apart around GAS#5, GAS#10 and GAS#17. Porkins is confident that either his lasers, or torpedoes will eventually pierce the GAS. He decides to make another strafing run. R5-D4 accidentally miscalculates the height of the run due to its still-faulty motivator (caused by C-3PO) and the fighter comes too close to the GAS below. GAS#5 and GAS#17 manage to slash the undercarriage (and stabilizer) of the X-Wing. Porkins prepares to crash-land the fighter. R5-D4’s screams are heard across the sky as the X-Wing crashes, but safely. Porkins and the astromech droid climb out of the vehicle. Porkins looks around and hears evil laughter. He reaches for his blaster, but is too late. Chucky jumps on Porkins’ back.
Chucky: Hey you fat f#$k, gonna slit your g-dd@^n throat.
Chucky pulls out a large knife and slashes Porkins’ throat. Porkins falls down while blood spurts from his carotid artery. R5-D4 attempts to wheel away when he is met by Chucky’s Bride riding on the back of GAS#12. GAS#12 crushes R5-D4. Chucky’s Bride jumps off of GAS#12 and joins her soulmate. GAS#12 moves to its other warrior brethren.
Chucky and his Bride see Gonzo and Kamilla.
Gonzo: Honey, just watch yourself! We have a wonderful team. We just have to stick by them. . . Hey! It seems like we’re out of Newport and actually closer to The Works. I don’t know how we got lost!
Kamilla: Cluck! Bagaaah! Cluck-Cluck! Bagaah! Cluck-Cluck-Cluck. [Translation:
Because you’re a male and you refuse to ask for directions!]
Chucky: How about we give you directions, b@%*h?!?!
Chucky and his Bride rush the muppet and his lady-chicken-friend. The vicious brutality that follows cannot be described. Let it be said that chicken’s heads do not belong “there” and snouts should be used only for smelling. In case you cannot read into these cryptic words- Gonzo and Camilla are killed.
Chucky: All this killing has made me gotta take a pi$$. I’m going to go behind this building and relieve myself. You pretty yourself up and get ready for more killing.
Between The Works and Newport, Cade Skywalker fights GAS#11. Although the strong force-user nearly manages to destroy GAS#11 with his lightsaber, GAS#16 and GAS#18 join their Soldier teammate and overwhelm the renegade-pirate-Jedi. Skywalker is killed.
Chucky takes a little bit longer than expected (must’ve had to really pee), but joins his Bride on their future rampage. They walk toward Newport and see Clary Fray, protecting the crown. Chucky and his Bride walk to Fray.
In another part of the battlefield, Doppleganger lashes out at GAS#4. Although the bladed webs manage to damage GAS#4, once again, the GAS come together. GAS#1 and GAS#15 combine their efforts with GAS#4. Together, they manage to skewer Doppleganger.
Chucky and the Bride reach Fray.
Chucky: How’re things going?
Fray: Better than expected. We have not lost one while the Slaves are suffering great casualties.
Chucky: Not for long. . .
Chucky morphs into Fray. The Bride and “true” Fray have been duped by the T-1000. [Note: Please recognize that the T-1000 destroyed the “real” Chucky while the doll was taking a pee behind the building]. The T-Fray uses its fingers as spears to rip through Fray’s eye and into her brain. Fray falls down and dies. The Bride begins to run away and is sliced in half by the T-1000. The T-Fray morphs into its default form and waits for Loki and Runner to come over.
Loki: Good work T-1000! Enough of this foolishness! Slaaaaaaaaves!!!
As Loki projects his battle-cry for all to hear, the Norse trickster uses his mystical powers to overwhelm and crush Fray’s protective field. As the crown sits without protection, the Runner uses his primordial power to destroy the crown. Although the crown does not tear apart, fissures and cracks arise. The GAS are no longer indestructible and the Slaves will take advantage of this fact.
Ultraman is the first to take advantage of the newly-defeatable GAS. Ultra-Man fights GAS#3, GAS#5, GAS#7 and GAS#12. Ultra-Man’s chest light is seen as blue when he destroys GAS#3. His life-force light turns red as he defeats GAS#5. While Ultraman is fighting GAS#7 and GAS#12 his chest light begins to blink. He cannot reach the planet’s solar source because GAS#7 and GAS#12 have attached themselves to Ultraman’s legs. Ultraman’s power source dwindles and the solar-powered hero will never rise in this match again. GAS#7 and GAS#12 release Ultraman and face King Kong. The giant ape manages to destroy both GAS#7 and GAS#12. Kong beats his chest in triumph. The gigantic ape is enraged and its beastly instincts allow him to tear apart GAS#11 and GAS #16. Just as Kong is about to destroy GAS#9, GAS#1 and GAS#8 stab the ape repeatedly. King Kong dies.
The Green Lantern B’dg uses his ring to destroy GAS#1, while Zilius Zox destroys GAS#8 with his red power ring. Although the lanterns are enemies, they decide that for the better of the team, the two ring bearers will fight together.
The Super-Soldier uses his super strength, endurance, speed and stamina to fly around GAS#2 and GAS#6. He uses his heat-ray vision to destroy GAS#2. Super-Soldier then uses his ice breath to freeze GAS#6. While frozen, Super-Soldier flies through GAS#6 with his shield in tow; GAS#6 explodes into pieces.
B’dg and Zox use their lantern rings to destroy GAS#4 and GAS#14, but soon they are swarmed by GAS#13, GAS#17 and GAS#18. The large-headed red lantern Zox is skewered through his fat head and green lantern rodent is sliced in half by the GAS.
Loki and Runner decide that this match must end. Runner uses his power primordial and Loki uses his magic to rip through GAS#9, GAS#13, GAS#15 and GAS#16. They also use their powers to batter GAS#10, GAS#17 and GAS#18. The look to their teammates to finish the job.
The T-1000 battles GAS#10 and cuts it apart. Super-Soldier destroys the remaining GAS, GAS#17 and GAS#18.
If it were not for Loki and Runner (with the assistance of T-1000) the Slaves would have been overwhelmed and defeated by the expansion team. Loki and Runner will review the tapes of this match with their owner, captains and teammates. A near-embarrassment of this sort, especially by “commons, will not be tolerated in the future. . .
Slaves: T-1000, Loki, Runner and Super-Soldier live.
Oblivio: All dead.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
―Pollux Hax
I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:
Oblivio: Chucky, Bride of Chucky, Clary Fray and Golden Army Soldiers #1-18.
George Washington’s Slaves: Porkins and R5-D4 in an X-Wing, Gonzo and Kamilla, Cade Skywalker, Connor MacLeod, Zombie Ki Adi Mundi, King Kong, Loki, Super Soldier, T-1000, Ultraman, Doppleganger, Runner, B’dg and Zillius Zox.
Oblivio is located at Newport. As the match commences, Golden Army Soldiers (hereinafter referred to as “GAS”) #1-18 rise, ready for battle. The Shadowhunter Clary Fray uses her mystical abilities to encase Elven King Balor’s crown under a protective force field for the Golden Army’s protection.
Connor MacLeod and Zombie Ki Adi Mundi are the first to face the GAS at the Newport grounds. The two focus on GAS #3. A grueling and pitched fight between sword masters and GAS #3 occurs. As MacLeod focuses on GAS#3’s right side, Mundi focuses on its left. Although Mundi’s lightsaber manages to slash through GAS#3’s left arm, MacLeod is unable to even dent its right side. MacLeod is stabbed in the stomach by GAS#3. MacLeod falls to his knees and GAS#3 pounces on the Highlander. With a slash of his sword, MacLeod is decapitated. MacLeod’s body slowly rises, a crackling energy flowing through the air. MacLeod’s life force explodes and both GAS#3 and Mundi are thrown across the room. Zombie Mundi and GAS#3 are slow to rise. As Mundi rises, he is met by one-armed GAS#3, GAS#9 and GAS#12. Mundi is unable to fight all three GAS and is killed as they decapitate the zombie, like his Scottish teammate.
Porkins and R5-D4 are in their “Red-Six” X-Wing. The two fly above the battlefield. Porkins fires his lasers and releases proton torpedos, which rip the land apart around GAS#5, GAS#10 and GAS#17. Porkins is confident that either his lasers, or torpedoes will eventually pierce the GAS. He decides to make another strafing run. R5-D4 accidentally miscalculates the height of the run due to its still-faulty motivator (caused by C-3PO) and the fighter comes too close to the GAS below. GAS#5 and GAS#17 manage to slash the undercarriage (and stabilizer) of the X-Wing. Porkins prepares to crash-land the fighter. R5-D4’s screams are heard across the sky as the X-Wing crashes, but safely. Porkins and the astromech droid climb out of the vehicle. Porkins looks around and hears evil laughter. He reaches for his blaster, but is too late. Chucky jumps on Porkins’ back.
Chucky: Hey you fat f#$k, gonna slit your g-dd@^n throat.
Chucky pulls out a large knife and slashes Porkins’ throat. Porkins falls down while blood spurts from his carotid artery. R5-D4 attempts to wheel away when he is met by Chucky’s Bride riding on the back of GAS#12. GAS#12 crushes R5-D4. Chucky’s Bride jumps off of GAS#12 and joins her soulmate. GAS#12 moves to its other warrior brethren.
Chucky and his Bride see Gonzo and Kamilla.
Gonzo: Honey, just watch yourself! We have a wonderful team. We just have to stick by them. . . Hey! It seems like we’re out of Newport and actually closer to The Works. I don’t know how we got lost!
Kamilla: Cluck! Bagaaah! Cluck-Cluck! Bagaah! Cluck-Cluck-Cluck. [Translation:
Because you’re a male and you refuse to ask for directions!]
Chucky: How about we give you directions, b@%*h?!?!
Chucky and his Bride rush the muppet and his lady-chicken-friend. The vicious brutality that follows cannot be described. Let it be said that chicken’s heads do not belong “there” and snouts should be used only for smelling. In case you cannot read into these cryptic words- Gonzo and Camilla are killed.
Chucky: All this killing has made me gotta take a pi$$. I’m going to go behind this building and relieve myself. You pretty yourself up and get ready for more killing.
Between The Works and Newport, Cade Skywalker fights GAS#11. Although the strong force-user nearly manages to destroy GAS#11 with his lightsaber, GAS#16 and GAS#18 join their Soldier teammate and overwhelm the renegade-pirate-Jedi. Skywalker is killed.
Chucky takes a little bit longer than expected (must’ve had to really pee), but joins his Bride on their future rampage. They walk toward Newport and see Clary Fray, protecting the crown. Chucky and his Bride walk to Fray.
In another part of the battlefield, Doppleganger lashes out at GAS#4. Although the bladed webs manage to damage GAS#4, once again, the GAS come together. GAS#1 and GAS#15 combine their efforts with GAS#4. Together, they manage to skewer Doppleganger.
Chucky and the Bride reach Fray.
Chucky: How’re things going?
Fray: Better than expected. We have not lost one while the Slaves are suffering great casualties.
Chucky: Not for long. . .
Chucky morphs into Fray. The Bride and “true” Fray have been duped by the T-1000. [Note: Please recognize that the T-1000 destroyed the “real” Chucky while the doll was taking a pee behind the building]. The T-Fray uses its fingers as spears to rip through Fray’s eye and into her brain. Fray falls down and dies. The Bride begins to run away and is sliced in half by the T-1000. The T-Fray morphs into its default form and waits for Loki and Runner to come over.
Loki: Good work T-1000! Enough of this foolishness! Slaaaaaaaaves!!!
As Loki projects his battle-cry for all to hear, the Norse trickster uses his mystical powers to overwhelm and crush Fray’s protective field. As the crown sits without protection, the Runner uses his primordial power to destroy the crown. Although the crown does not tear apart, fissures and cracks arise. The GAS are no longer indestructible and the Slaves will take advantage of this fact.
Ultraman is the first to take advantage of the newly-defeatable GAS. Ultra-Man fights GAS#3, GAS#5, GAS#7 and GAS#12. Ultra-Man’s chest light is seen as blue when he destroys GAS#3. His life-force light turns red as he defeats GAS#5. While Ultraman is fighting GAS#7 and GAS#12 his chest light begins to blink. He cannot reach the planet’s solar source because GAS#7 and GAS#12 have attached themselves to Ultraman’s legs. Ultraman’s power source dwindles and the solar-powered hero will never rise in this match again. GAS#7 and GAS#12 release Ultraman and face King Kong. The giant ape manages to destroy both GAS#7 and GAS#12. Kong beats his chest in triumph. The gigantic ape is enraged and its beastly instincts allow him to tear apart GAS#11 and GAS #16. Just as Kong is about to destroy GAS#9, GAS#1 and GAS#8 stab the ape repeatedly. King Kong dies.
The Green Lantern B’dg uses his ring to destroy GAS#1, while Zilius Zox destroys GAS#8 with his red power ring. Although the lanterns are enemies, they decide that for the better of the team, the two ring bearers will fight together.
The Super-Soldier uses his super strength, endurance, speed and stamina to fly around GAS#2 and GAS#6. He uses his heat-ray vision to destroy GAS#2. Super-Soldier then uses his ice breath to freeze GAS#6. While frozen, Super-Soldier flies through GAS#6 with his shield in tow; GAS#6 explodes into pieces.
B’dg and Zox use their lantern rings to destroy GAS#4 and GAS#14, but soon they are swarmed by GAS#13, GAS#17 and GAS#18. The large-headed red lantern Zox is skewered through his fat head and green lantern rodent is sliced in half by the GAS.
Loki and Runner decide that this match must end. Runner uses his power primordial and Loki uses his magic to rip through GAS#9, GAS#13, GAS#15 and GAS#16. They also use their powers to batter GAS#10, GAS#17 and GAS#18. The look to their teammates to finish the job.
The T-1000 battles GAS#10 and cuts it apart. Super-Soldier destroys the remaining GAS, GAS#17 and GAS#18.
If it were not for Loki and Runner (with the assistance of T-1000) the Slaves would have been overwhelmed and defeated by the expansion team. Loki and Runner will review the tapes of this match with their owner, captains and teammates. A near-embarrassment of this sort, especially by “commons, will not be tolerated in the future. . .
Slaves: T-1000, Loki, Runner and Super-Soldier live.
Oblivio: All dead.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
Team S.P. vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
"In my dreams here, I have seen… Coruscant itself shattered by orbital bombardment from ships of impossible design. I have seen Coruscant, the seat of galactic culture, become a jungle far more hostile and alien than any on Haruun Kal. I have seen the end of civilization."
―Mace Windu [in a vision circa 22 BBY]
I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:
Team S.P.: Quicksilver, The Flash (Jay Garrett), Cyclops, Jean Grey, Ice Man, Beast, Angel, Banshee, Thunderbird, Blink, Cloak and Dagger, Mastermind, Binary, Jubilee, Female Sentinels #1-4, Biff Tannen (with a red lightsaber) and SHIELD Agent #1.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Dave Bowman-The Starchild, Numnius, Dex-Starr, Zombie Darkseid, Zombie Cloverfield Monster, Karu-Sil, Fatality, Taa, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam, Parallax, Bryan Beckerman (in Mandalorian Armor), Zombie Al Dogg, Zombie Doozer #1, Doozer #13 and Ewok Baby #5.
The planet once known as Coruscant is now an overgrown Yuuzhan Vong terraformed planet known as Yuuzhan’tar. I transport the teams to the planet.
Zombie Cloverfield Monster lunges across the twisted foliage located in the area that was once recognized as the Skydome Botanical Garden and is met by Female Sentinels #1-4. The Monster rips apart Female Sentinel #2 and has Female Sentinel #3 in its gigantic maw. Female Sentinels #1 and #4 use their combined restraining devices to wrap the Zombified Monster up and rescue Female Sentinel #3. With its limbs entangled, Zombie Cloverfield Monster does not stand a chance against the three Sentinels. The giant Trask robots use their energy blasts to destroy Zombie Cloverfield Monster. Rodimus Prime, Black Adam and Parallax fly at the robots. Black Adam destroys Female Sentinel #1, Rodimus Prime destroys Female Sentinel #3 and Parallax destroys Female Sentinel #4.
Across the way at the overgrown Galaxies Opera House, Biff Tannen ignites his red lightsaber. The Back to the Future bully spots Bryan Beckerman in his newly adorned Mandalorian Armor. Tannen believes that Beckerman is easy prey. Beckerman has analyzed and practiced with the armor ten hours a day (after work) and has gotten the hang of his newly-awarded gear. Beckerman fires the lasers located in his wrists at Tannen. Tannen easily deflects them. Beckerman thinks about Jango Fett in his battle with Obi Wan Kenobi and fires his utility ripcord at Tannen’s legs. The cord wraps around Tannen’s legs and Beckerman flies in the air, carrying Tannen in the sky. Tannen, not the sharpest tool in the shed, uses his lightsaber to slash the cord, releasing himself from the binding, but realizing on the way down that he is 30 feet in the air. Tannen hits the ground hard and begins to lose consciousness. Beckerman takes advantage of Tannen’s temporary stupor and shoves the small rocket-grenade located on his left wrist guard in Tannen’s mouth. Beckerman depresses the trigger and the rocket-grenade lodges itself in Tannen’s mouth.
Beckerman: You look like you have a splitting headache, Tannen; or should I just say- splitting head. Your bully days are over. . . beyaatch!
Beckerman flies away and Tannen’s head explodes as the grenade goes off.
Between the Botanical Garden and Opera House, SHIELD Agent #1 is surrounded by Zombie Al Dogg, Zombie Doozer #1, Doozer #13 and Ewok Baby #5. The SHIELD agent reaches for Doozer #13 and strangles it to death. In revenge, Zombie Doozer #1 jumps on the SHIELD agent and bites his neck.
SHIELD Agent #1: S@*t!!! Little b@stard bit me!
SHIELD Agent #1 collapses on the floor, only to rise again as Zombie SHIELD Agent #1. Before SHIELD Agent #1 can fight, Quicksilver and Flash-Jay Garrick race to the scene. At super speed, they repeatedly pummel SHIELD Agent #1’s head until it is split apart. SHIELD Agent #1 is dead – for real this time. The two speedsters then race around Zombie Al Dogg, Zombie Doozer #1 and Ewok Baby #5. The sheer force of the rotating whirlwind around the SP trio begins to rip them apart. Zombie Doozer #1 and Ewok Baby #5 are shredded. The explosion of the furry duo’s bodies manages to throw Zombie Al Dogg from the fray. Zombie Al Dogg wanders off. Flash and Quicksilver, thinking they have killed the trio, run their own ways.
Zombie Al Dogg stumbles around the jungle planet and comes upon Jubilee. Jubilee uses her mutant abilities to project pyrotechnic blasts around the zombie. Zombie Al Dogg is fascinated with the colors and sounds. Zombie Al Dogg feels like he did in life - medicated. Zombie Al Dogg is bewitched by Jubilee’s powers. With Zombie Al Dogg “stoned-out-of-it,” Jubilee unleashes a concussive blast that rips Al Dogg’s right arm off. Zombie Al Dogg shakes himself out of the hallucinogenic dream he was having and rushes after Jubilee; he is instantly upon her. Just as Zombie A.D. is about to bite her, Cloak and Dagger come upon the scene. Cloak engulfs Al Dogg and then spits Zombie A.D. out. Zombie Al Dogg is confused and rushes at Dagger. Dagger uses her light daggers to heal Zombie A.D. by ripping the zombie virus away from his body. Al Dogg is no longer Zombie Al Dogg – he is the living, breathing Al Dogg from last season.
Al Dogg: Groovy! I’m alive! I’m alive!!!
Cloak and Dagger look at Al Dogg. Cloak takes Dagger into his cloak and they teleport away. Al Dogg does not know why this duo committed the act they just did, but he is thankful. He does not see who Cloak and Dagger saw, ready and waiting for Dogg, before they left.
Al Dogg (f/k/a Zombie Al Dogg): I’m alive. . . I’m alive. . . I’m alive. . .
Beast: No my newly-resurrected friend. You’re actually quite dead.
Al Dogg’s life is brief as the Beast jumps on him and rips his arms off. The Beast then begins to beat Al Dogg with his own arms. A pummeled Al Dogg quickly bleeds out, but he dies with a smile on his face as the Zombie haze he has shambled with during this third season has been lifted from him. . . at least until the next match. . .
Mastermind sees Beckerman flying above the Opera House in his Mandalorian armor. Mastermind’s mutant abilities make Beckerman think that he is a dog. Beckerman lands on the ground and begins to bark. Mastermind smiles at the sight. As Mastermind comes upon Beckerman he manipulates the attorney such that he takes his helmet off. Beckerman sees Mastermind and sits down, butt wagging, waiting for his “master.” As Mastermind takes a sharpened vine from the ground and is about to kill Beckerman, Zombie Darkseid comes to the scene. Zombie Darkseid uses the Omega Force to rip Mastermind apart.
Darkseid: Get up, you pathetic pubic haired-wannabe-supernerd!
Beckerman slowly gets up and faces Darkseid: I am sorry. I have shamed this team and embarrassed its owners.
Darkseid: No longer. You shall realize true power and experience the fear of others who face you.
Darkseid looks to the sky and sees Parallax rushing toward the two. The cosmic entity rips through Beckerman who is engulfed in the cosmic entity’s essence. Beckerman is now possessed by Parallax. Beckerman places his helmet on and flies away. Darkseid smiles as their team, for the match, now has Mandalorian-armored, Beckerman-Parallax.
Numnius looks upon this scene and worries that this newly-formed entity will have far-reaching effects not only on this match, but will actually bear upon the future of the FFL. Numnius ponders whether to wipe out what has just occurred. Dave Bowman floats up next to her.
Bowman: I told you that if you ever held a glimmer of thought about something that would detrimentally affect our team, you would pay. That day has come.
Bowman unleashes his cosmic powers upon Numnius who is taken by surprise and cannot react in time. She is ripped apart.
In the air, Binary, Banshee and Angel are flying together. They are met by Karu-Sil, Dex-Starr, Fatality, Black Adam and Taa. Binary unleashes her stellar energies into Karu-Sil. Karu-Sil uses her yellow ring to shield herself from the blast. Binary strikes Karu-Sil again and eventually bests the Sinestro Corpsman; Karu-Sil dies. As Binary turns, she is met by the ferocity of Dex-Starr. The blue, alien cat rips apart Binary’s face and then uses its red lantern ring to finish the job. Binary’s dead body falls to the ground. Across the sky, Black Adam battles Angel. Black Adam manages to get behind Angel. Hen then uses his super-strength to rip the wings off of the flying mutant. Angel plummets to his death. Banshee, just having seen two of his teammates fall to their deaths, uses his sonic scream to rattle Black Adam. Banshee then uses his remaining powers to kill Black Adam before he can gain his senses. Taa focuses on Banshee. The alien green lantern uses his ring’s powers to encase Banshee so his screams cannot do further harm. Taa slowly reduces the size of Banshee’s encasement. When Banshee cannot move around, both Fatality and Dex-Starr finish the screaming mutant’s life.
The remaining SP teammates come together for the penultimate battle against the Commandos. Quicksilver, Cyclops, Jean Grey, Ice Man, Beast, Thunderbird, Blink, Cloak and Dagger, Jubilee and The Flash (Jay Garrett) stand over the remnants of the Galactic Museum. They face Dex-Starr, Zombie Darkseid, Fatality, Taa, and Rodimus Prime.
Dave Bowman-The Starchild and Mandalorian-armored, Bryan Beckerman-Parallax sit back and watch the action unfold.
Immediately Cloak teleports next to Taa and engulfs him with his cloak. Taa is transported to the Darkforce dimension. The Darkforce begins to eat at Taa’s mind. As Cloak regurgitates Taa back into the world, Jean Grey uses her powers to further enhance the effects on his brain and Taa dies as his mind simply implodes in on itself.
Jay Garrick focuses on Dex-Starr. Garrick uses his super speed to avoid the red lantern’s power ring weaponry, but only for so long. The sheer determination and ferocity of the alien cat are too much for Garrick, who eventually succumbs to Dex-Starr’s ring.
Quicksilver rushes at Zombie Darkseid. Zombie Darkseid uses his psionic powers but is unable to strike the speedster. While he is distracted, Iceman uses his abilities to freeze him. Zombie Darkseid fights the process and it takes almost all of Iceman’s will, energy and power to hold the zombie in its icy jail. While frozen, Darkseid’s head is pounded by a barrage of Thunderbird’s strength, Cloak’s light daggers, Jubilee’s energy plasmoids and Cyclops’ optic blasts. It is too much for Zombie Darkseid, who is eventually destroyed.
Rodimus Prime steps behind a weakened Iceman, having spent nearly his entire life-force holding Zombie Darkseid in place. Prime skewers Iceman with his retractable saw blade. Iceman crumples to the floor dead.
Cyclops: BOBBY!!!!!!
At the death of his teammate, Cyclops rips off his glasses and unleashes the full power of his optic blast upon Prime. Prime is ripped apart. Blink then uses her teleportation warp to spread pieces of Prime throughout the jungles of Yuuzhan-tar. Blink rejoins her team after her task is completed. Her entry into this fray is short-lived as she is killed, along with teammates Jean Grey and Beast by Fatality and Dex-Starr. Cyclops, with his visor now on, focuses the full power of his eyes at Fatality and Dex-Starr. Their bodies are shredded by the sheer force of Cyclops’ massive ray.
Cylcops, Jubilee, Thunderbird, Cloak and Dagger, and Quicksilver look for the remaining Commandos. Bowman looks to Mandalorian-armored, Beckerman-Parallax.
Bowman: You may finish this.
Mandalorian-armored, Beckerman-Parallax flies down to Team SP’s remaining members. In power that has not been seen since Hal Jordan-Parallax, M.A.B.P. unleashes his powers at Team SP. Jubilee, Thunderbird, Cloak and Dagger, and Quicksilver are seen quivering at the power of M.A.B.P. Beckerman then uses his Mandalorian weaponry to kill each SP member. As he is about to finish Cyclops, Cyclops unexpectedly rips off his visor. Cyclops unleashes the full power of his uninhibited optic blast at M.A.B.P. Before it can reach Beckerman, Dave Bowman steps in front of Beckerman and absorbs the ray. Bowman then fires it back at Cyclops and kills him.
Bowman: You have served our team well today.
Beckerman (taking off his helmet): Thanks.
Bowman: Beckerman-put your helmet back on. It’s not that I cannot look at your face, it’s that the helmet makes you look more formidable. You look like a bastardized version of Billy Crystal without it.
Beckerman shrugs and puts his helmet back on. The two fly away.
Team S.P.: All dead.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Mandalorian-armored Beckerman-Parallax and Dave Bowman-The Starchild live.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
―Mace Windu [in a vision circa 22 BBY]
I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:
Team S.P.: Quicksilver, The Flash (Jay Garrett), Cyclops, Jean Grey, Ice Man, Beast, Angel, Banshee, Thunderbird, Blink, Cloak and Dagger, Mastermind, Binary, Jubilee, Female Sentinels #1-4, Biff Tannen (with a red lightsaber) and SHIELD Agent #1.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Dave Bowman-The Starchild, Numnius, Dex-Starr, Zombie Darkseid, Zombie Cloverfield Monster, Karu-Sil, Fatality, Taa, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam, Parallax, Bryan Beckerman (in Mandalorian Armor), Zombie Al Dogg, Zombie Doozer #1, Doozer #13 and Ewok Baby #5.
The planet once known as Coruscant is now an overgrown Yuuzhan Vong terraformed planet known as Yuuzhan’tar. I transport the teams to the planet.
Zombie Cloverfield Monster lunges across the twisted foliage located in the area that was once recognized as the Skydome Botanical Garden and is met by Female Sentinels #1-4. The Monster rips apart Female Sentinel #2 and has Female Sentinel #3 in its gigantic maw. Female Sentinels #1 and #4 use their combined restraining devices to wrap the Zombified Monster up and rescue Female Sentinel #3. With its limbs entangled, Zombie Cloverfield Monster does not stand a chance against the three Sentinels. The giant Trask robots use their energy blasts to destroy Zombie Cloverfield Monster. Rodimus Prime, Black Adam and Parallax fly at the robots. Black Adam destroys Female Sentinel #1, Rodimus Prime destroys Female Sentinel #3 and Parallax destroys Female Sentinel #4.
Across the way at the overgrown Galaxies Opera House, Biff Tannen ignites his red lightsaber. The Back to the Future bully spots Bryan Beckerman in his newly adorned Mandalorian Armor. Tannen believes that Beckerman is easy prey. Beckerman has analyzed and practiced with the armor ten hours a day (after work) and has gotten the hang of his newly-awarded gear. Beckerman fires the lasers located in his wrists at Tannen. Tannen easily deflects them. Beckerman thinks about Jango Fett in his battle with Obi Wan Kenobi and fires his utility ripcord at Tannen’s legs. The cord wraps around Tannen’s legs and Beckerman flies in the air, carrying Tannen in the sky. Tannen, not the sharpest tool in the shed, uses his lightsaber to slash the cord, releasing himself from the binding, but realizing on the way down that he is 30 feet in the air. Tannen hits the ground hard and begins to lose consciousness. Beckerman takes advantage of Tannen’s temporary stupor and shoves the small rocket-grenade located on his left wrist guard in Tannen’s mouth. Beckerman depresses the trigger and the rocket-grenade lodges itself in Tannen’s mouth.
Beckerman: You look like you have a splitting headache, Tannen; or should I just say- splitting head. Your bully days are over. . . beyaatch!
Beckerman flies away and Tannen’s head explodes as the grenade goes off.
Between the Botanical Garden and Opera House, SHIELD Agent #1 is surrounded by Zombie Al Dogg, Zombie Doozer #1, Doozer #13 and Ewok Baby #5. The SHIELD agent reaches for Doozer #13 and strangles it to death. In revenge, Zombie Doozer #1 jumps on the SHIELD agent and bites his neck.
SHIELD Agent #1: S@*t!!! Little b@stard bit me!
SHIELD Agent #1 collapses on the floor, only to rise again as Zombie SHIELD Agent #1. Before SHIELD Agent #1 can fight, Quicksilver and Flash-Jay Garrick race to the scene. At super speed, they repeatedly pummel SHIELD Agent #1’s head until it is split apart. SHIELD Agent #1 is dead – for real this time. The two speedsters then race around Zombie Al Dogg, Zombie Doozer #1 and Ewok Baby #5. The sheer force of the rotating whirlwind around the SP trio begins to rip them apart. Zombie Doozer #1 and Ewok Baby #5 are shredded. The explosion of the furry duo’s bodies manages to throw Zombie Al Dogg from the fray. Zombie Al Dogg wanders off. Flash and Quicksilver, thinking they have killed the trio, run their own ways.
Zombie Al Dogg stumbles around the jungle planet and comes upon Jubilee. Jubilee uses her mutant abilities to project pyrotechnic blasts around the zombie. Zombie Al Dogg is fascinated with the colors and sounds. Zombie Al Dogg feels like he did in life - medicated. Zombie Al Dogg is bewitched by Jubilee’s powers. With Zombie Al Dogg “stoned-out-of-it,” Jubilee unleashes a concussive blast that rips Al Dogg’s right arm off. Zombie Al Dogg shakes himself out of the hallucinogenic dream he was having and rushes after Jubilee; he is instantly upon her. Just as Zombie A.D. is about to bite her, Cloak and Dagger come upon the scene. Cloak engulfs Al Dogg and then spits Zombie A.D. out. Zombie Al Dogg is confused and rushes at Dagger. Dagger uses her light daggers to heal Zombie A.D. by ripping the zombie virus away from his body. Al Dogg is no longer Zombie Al Dogg – he is the living, breathing Al Dogg from last season.
Al Dogg: Groovy! I’m alive! I’m alive!!!
Cloak and Dagger look at Al Dogg. Cloak takes Dagger into his cloak and they teleport away. Al Dogg does not know why this duo committed the act they just did, but he is thankful. He does not see who Cloak and Dagger saw, ready and waiting for Dogg, before they left.
Al Dogg (f/k/a Zombie Al Dogg): I’m alive. . . I’m alive. . . I’m alive. . .
Beast: No my newly-resurrected friend. You’re actually quite dead.
Al Dogg’s life is brief as the Beast jumps on him and rips his arms off. The Beast then begins to beat Al Dogg with his own arms. A pummeled Al Dogg quickly bleeds out, but he dies with a smile on his face as the Zombie haze he has shambled with during this third season has been lifted from him. . . at least until the next match. . .
Mastermind sees Beckerman flying above the Opera House in his Mandalorian armor. Mastermind’s mutant abilities make Beckerman think that he is a dog. Beckerman lands on the ground and begins to bark. Mastermind smiles at the sight. As Mastermind comes upon Beckerman he manipulates the attorney such that he takes his helmet off. Beckerman sees Mastermind and sits down, butt wagging, waiting for his “master.” As Mastermind takes a sharpened vine from the ground and is about to kill Beckerman, Zombie Darkseid comes to the scene. Zombie Darkseid uses the Omega Force to rip Mastermind apart.
Darkseid: Get up, you pathetic pubic haired-wannabe-supernerd!
Beckerman slowly gets up and faces Darkseid: I am sorry. I have shamed this team and embarrassed its owners.
Darkseid: No longer. You shall realize true power and experience the fear of others who face you.
Darkseid looks to the sky and sees Parallax rushing toward the two. The cosmic entity rips through Beckerman who is engulfed in the cosmic entity’s essence. Beckerman is now possessed by Parallax. Beckerman places his helmet on and flies away. Darkseid smiles as their team, for the match, now has Mandalorian-armored, Beckerman-Parallax.
Numnius looks upon this scene and worries that this newly-formed entity will have far-reaching effects not only on this match, but will actually bear upon the future of the FFL. Numnius ponders whether to wipe out what has just occurred. Dave Bowman floats up next to her.
Bowman: I told you that if you ever held a glimmer of thought about something that would detrimentally affect our team, you would pay. That day has come.
Bowman unleashes his cosmic powers upon Numnius who is taken by surprise and cannot react in time. She is ripped apart.
In the air, Binary, Banshee and Angel are flying together. They are met by Karu-Sil, Dex-Starr, Fatality, Black Adam and Taa. Binary unleashes her stellar energies into Karu-Sil. Karu-Sil uses her yellow ring to shield herself from the blast. Binary strikes Karu-Sil again and eventually bests the Sinestro Corpsman; Karu-Sil dies. As Binary turns, she is met by the ferocity of Dex-Starr. The blue, alien cat rips apart Binary’s face and then uses its red lantern ring to finish the job. Binary’s dead body falls to the ground. Across the sky, Black Adam battles Angel. Black Adam manages to get behind Angel. Hen then uses his super-strength to rip the wings off of the flying mutant. Angel plummets to his death. Banshee, just having seen two of his teammates fall to their deaths, uses his sonic scream to rattle Black Adam. Banshee then uses his remaining powers to kill Black Adam before he can gain his senses. Taa focuses on Banshee. The alien green lantern uses his ring’s powers to encase Banshee so his screams cannot do further harm. Taa slowly reduces the size of Banshee’s encasement. When Banshee cannot move around, both Fatality and Dex-Starr finish the screaming mutant’s life.
The remaining SP teammates come together for the penultimate battle against the Commandos. Quicksilver, Cyclops, Jean Grey, Ice Man, Beast, Thunderbird, Blink, Cloak and Dagger, Jubilee and The Flash (Jay Garrett) stand over the remnants of the Galactic Museum. They face Dex-Starr, Zombie Darkseid, Fatality, Taa, and Rodimus Prime.
Dave Bowman-The Starchild and Mandalorian-armored, Bryan Beckerman-Parallax sit back and watch the action unfold.
Immediately Cloak teleports next to Taa and engulfs him with his cloak. Taa is transported to the Darkforce dimension. The Darkforce begins to eat at Taa’s mind. As Cloak regurgitates Taa back into the world, Jean Grey uses her powers to further enhance the effects on his brain and Taa dies as his mind simply implodes in on itself.
Jay Garrick focuses on Dex-Starr. Garrick uses his super speed to avoid the red lantern’s power ring weaponry, but only for so long. The sheer determination and ferocity of the alien cat are too much for Garrick, who eventually succumbs to Dex-Starr’s ring.
Quicksilver rushes at Zombie Darkseid. Zombie Darkseid uses his psionic powers but is unable to strike the speedster. While he is distracted, Iceman uses his abilities to freeze him. Zombie Darkseid fights the process and it takes almost all of Iceman’s will, energy and power to hold the zombie in its icy jail. While frozen, Darkseid’s head is pounded by a barrage of Thunderbird’s strength, Cloak’s light daggers, Jubilee’s energy plasmoids and Cyclops’ optic blasts. It is too much for Zombie Darkseid, who is eventually destroyed.
Rodimus Prime steps behind a weakened Iceman, having spent nearly his entire life-force holding Zombie Darkseid in place. Prime skewers Iceman with his retractable saw blade. Iceman crumples to the floor dead.
Cyclops: BOBBY!!!!!!
At the death of his teammate, Cyclops rips off his glasses and unleashes the full power of his optic blast upon Prime. Prime is ripped apart. Blink then uses her teleportation warp to spread pieces of Prime throughout the jungles of Yuuzhan-tar. Blink rejoins her team after her task is completed. Her entry into this fray is short-lived as she is killed, along with teammates Jean Grey and Beast by Fatality and Dex-Starr. Cyclops, with his visor now on, focuses the full power of his eyes at Fatality and Dex-Starr. Their bodies are shredded by the sheer force of Cyclops’ massive ray.
Cylcops, Jubilee, Thunderbird, Cloak and Dagger, and Quicksilver look for the remaining Commandos. Bowman looks to Mandalorian-armored, Beckerman-Parallax.
Bowman: You may finish this.
Mandalorian-armored, Beckerman-Parallax flies down to Team SP’s remaining members. In power that has not been seen since Hal Jordan-Parallax, M.A.B.P. unleashes his powers at Team SP. Jubilee, Thunderbird, Cloak and Dagger, and Quicksilver are seen quivering at the power of M.A.B.P. Beckerman then uses his Mandalorian weaponry to kill each SP member. As he is about to finish Cyclops, Cyclops unexpectedly rips off his visor. Cyclops unleashes the full power of his uninhibited optic blast at M.A.B.P. Before it can reach Beckerman, Dave Bowman steps in front of Beckerman and absorbs the ray. Bowman then fires it back at Cyclops and kills him.
Bowman: You have served our team well today.
Beckerman (taking off his helmet): Thanks.
Bowman: Beckerman-put your helmet back on. It’s not that I cannot look at your face, it’s that the helmet makes you look more formidable. You look like a bastardized version of Billy Crystal without it.
Beckerman shrugs and puts his helmet back on. The two fly away.
Team S.P.: All dead.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Mandalorian-armored Beckerman-Parallax and Dave Bowman-The Starchild live.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Note to the League
There is no excuse for my tardiness. I am deeply sorry for my actions as a Watcher. I have been neglectful and I have let not only myself, but all of you down. I hope that in time, you will be able to forgive me. Enjoy the matches and the rest of the season.
Ryatu.
Ryatu.
Week 2: TEAM vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
TEAM is Barracuda, Aqua-Mariner, Superboy, Sharkticons #47-48, James Pond, Phibian #1, Jack LaLanne, and Mike Sroka.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Star Sapphire #1, Indigo Lantern #2, Zombie Silver Dragon #2, NS-5 #35-36, Dr. Impossible, Squirtle, Air Zonk, Kermit the Frog, Ewok Baby #1-2, and Mogwai #1-2.
Barracuda and Aqua-Mariner lead TEAM’s newly beefed up water force into battle against National League members, The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. They are instantly put under attack by Zombie Silver Dragon #1, who is breathing, more like coughing up fire balls at TEAM. Superboy is ordered to take care of the problem and flies right through the decaying dragon’s head, finally ending its miserable existence. Several members of both teams have found refuge from the freezing waters on a nearby glacier. Squirtle and James Pond attack each other with a lot more ferocity than you’d expect. James Pond tries to ensnare Squirtle with several bubbles, but Squirtle pops them all with various water blasts. The water splashes all over Ewok Babies #1 and 2 and Mogwai #1 and #2 while then hide behind a piece of the glacier. But before this can prove to be useful, since the water is so cold it’s impeding the duplication period for the new Mogwais, Sharkticons #47 and #48 eat both of them, as well as Squirtle and James Pond. Air Zonk, along with NS-5s #35 and #36 attack the two rampaging Sharkticons. The NS-5s leap up onto Sharkticon #47 and start punching holes in it. Air Zonk flies around and pulls the tail off of Sharkticon #48 and uses it like a flail. Air Zonk slams it into the jaw of Sharkticon #48 and crushes its teeth. And with a couple more hits, Air Zonk is able to kill the Sharkticon. Then Sharkticon #47 grabs a hold of NS-5 #36 and bites it in half. Air Zonk flies over to help NS-5 #35 against the remaining Sharkticon, but Jack LaLanne shows up and breaks the neck of Air Zonk. This allows the Sharkticon to finish off the NS-5. Dr. Impossible then shows up and attacks Jack. They wrestle into the water and Jack is able to challenge Dr. Impossible to a swimming race, shackled of course. Dr. Impossible accepts the challenge, knowing that he will be able to just escape out of the shackles a kill the old man. Once they are both shackled, Phibian #1 and Mike Sroka come out from behind some ice and bludgeon Dr. Impossible to death with some large ice chunks. “Ok Mike, you’re plan worked, let’s go have that race,” Jack LaLanne says to Sroka. Kermit the Frog leaps up onto Phibian #1 in a valiant attempt, but he is simply outmatched, and is killed. Star Sapphire #1 and Indigo Lantern #2 have teamed up to uses their powers in unity. They first take aim on Sharkticon #47 and destroy the Transformer. But they are then faced with the challenge of fighting Barracuda, Aqua-Mariner and Superboy. Barracuda and Aqua-Mariner both use their control over the water to cause the largest wave the Earth has ever seen which engulfs the two Brotherhood members. Barracuda then dives underwater, grabs a hold of Indigo Lantern #2’s staff and drives in into his chest. Aqua-Marine dives under as well and uses his grappling trident to end the life of Star Sapphire #1. “Was that really necessary?” asks Superboy after the display of savagery. “You can’t argue with results,” scoffs Barracuda.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Star Sapphire #1, Indigo Lantern #2, Zombie Silver Dragon #2, NS-5 #35-36, Dr. Impossible, Squirtle, Air Zonk, Kermit the Frog, Ewok Baby #1-2, and Mogwai #1-2.
Barracuda and Aqua-Mariner lead TEAM’s newly beefed up water force into battle against National League members, The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. They are instantly put under attack by Zombie Silver Dragon #1, who is breathing, more like coughing up fire balls at TEAM. Superboy is ordered to take care of the problem and flies right through the decaying dragon’s head, finally ending its miserable existence. Several members of both teams have found refuge from the freezing waters on a nearby glacier. Squirtle and James Pond attack each other with a lot more ferocity than you’d expect. James Pond tries to ensnare Squirtle with several bubbles, but Squirtle pops them all with various water blasts. The water splashes all over Ewok Babies #1 and 2 and Mogwai #1 and #2 while then hide behind a piece of the glacier. But before this can prove to be useful, since the water is so cold it’s impeding the duplication period for the new Mogwais, Sharkticons #47 and #48 eat both of them, as well as Squirtle and James Pond. Air Zonk, along with NS-5s #35 and #36 attack the two rampaging Sharkticons. The NS-5s leap up onto Sharkticon #47 and start punching holes in it. Air Zonk flies around and pulls the tail off of Sharkticon #48 and uses it like a flail. Air Zonk slams it into the jaw of Sharkticon #48 and crushes its teeth. And with a couple more hits, Air Zonk is able to kill the Sharkticon. Then Sharkticon #47 grabs a hold of NS-5 #36 and bites it in half. Air Zonk flies over to help NS-5 #35 against the remaining Sharkticon, but Jack LaLanne shows up and breaks the neck of Air Zonk. This allows the Sharkticon to finish off the NS-5. Dr. Impossible then shows up and attacks Jack. They wrestle into the water and Jack is able to challenge Dr. Impossible to a swimming race, shackled of course. Dr. Impossible accepts the challenge, knowing that he will be able to just escape out of the shackles a kill the old man. Once they are both shackled, Phibian #1 and Mike Sroka come out from behind some ice and bludgeon Dr. Impossible to death with some large ice chunks. “Ok Mike, you’re plan worked, let’s go have that race,” Jack LaLanne says to Sroka. Kermit the Frog leaps up onto Phibian #1 in a valiant attempt, but he is simply outmatched, and is killed. Star Sapphire #1 and Indigo Lantern #2 have teamed up to uses their powers in unity. They first take aim on Sharkticon #47 and destroy the Transformer. But they are then faced with the challenge of fighting Barracuda, Aqua-Mariner and Superboy. Barracuda and Aqua-Mariner both use their control over the water to cause the largest wave the Earth has ever seen which engulfs the two Brotherhood members. Barracuda then dives underwater, grabs a hold of Indigo Lantern #2’s staff and drives in into his chest. Aqua-Marine dives under as well and uses his grappling trident to end the life of Star Sapphire #1. “Was that really necessary?” asks Superboy after the display of savagery. “You can’t argue with results,” scoffs Barracuda.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!
Week 2: The Untouchables vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad
The Untouchables are Sodam Yat, Onslaught, Emperor Han, Katara the Water Bender, Ursula, Broadside and Paula Dean.
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Davy Jones, Flying Dutchman Crew #1-5, and Pirate #11 in the Flying Dutchman, Uncle Fester in a Swift Boat, Imhotep, Supergirl, and The Kraken.
The Flying Dutchman’s ominous sails stretch and flow in the cold Arctic air as Xavier’s Annihilation Squad prepare for battle. Davy Jones sees their opponents in the distance. The Untouchables are all aboard Broadside, who is in his aircraft carrier mode. “Roll out the long guns, Laddies,” bellows Davy Jones. The five crewmembers of the Dutchman, along with Pirate #11 prepare the cannons. “Fire!” shouts Jones. The cannons explode with a long bang. Onslaught, then however, takes center stage and uses his vast magnetic powers to stop the oncoming cannonballs in mid air and turn them back at the Dutchman. They smash into the side of the ship, causing massive damage. “Alright,” Jones grumbles, “release the Kraken!” The ice and water around Broadside begin to shift and shake. And with a mighty eruption, the Kraken’s tentacles burst out of the water, slamming down on the deck of Broadside. The rest of the Untouchables jump overboard as the Kraken rips apart the Autobot before he can transform. Paula Dean manages to then swim over to Uncle Fester’s Swift Boat and climbs aboard. “Hi y’all,” says the Southern cook. She then does something that was both kind of gross and kind of cool. She throws several frozen sticks of butter at Fester’s head, knocking him down. She then jams another stick of butter down his throat, choking him to death. After this kill, she lets out one of her well known cackles. This is not enjoyed for long, because Imhotep uses his magic to send a tidal wave crashing into the Swift Boat, overturning it and trapping Paula Dean underneath, where she drowns. Onslaught then uses what’s left of Broadside and launches the shrapnel into the hull of the Dutchman. He then rips all of the metal out of it all at once. He kills Flying Dutchman Crew Members #3-5 in the process. Supergirl then flies into action. She is aware of the sort of damage the other Supergirl in the League has done, and wants to make the same impact. Sodam Yat also feels that this is his time to make an impression on the rest of the League. The two powerhouses clash high above the water. Meanwhile, back in the water, Imhotep finds himself double-teamed by Katara the Water Bender and Emperor Han. All three of them vie for control over the freezing water, but Imhotep is too powerful for them. And with the help of the Kraken, Imhotep defeats his two adversaries. Ursula’s oily, black tentacles begin to wrap around Davy Jones, partially because she is attracted to him. But what she truly wants is control over the Kraken. Davy Jones knows of Ursula and what her magic can do, so he orders the Kraken to take them both out. This is exactly what the might sea creature does, along with the rest of the crew and Pirate #11. Unfortunately, with Davy Jones dead, there is no one to control the monster. It begins to attack wildly, grabbing both Supergirl and Sodom Yat. The massive beast drags them both deep underwater. One of the suckers on its tentacles latches onto Sodam Yat’s ring hand and literally pulls the ring off of the Green Lantern. This proves to be fatal for the Daxamite, due to his need of protection against lead. Supergirl then uses her shape shifting abilities to get away from the beast’s grasp. Onslaught is now left to fend for himself against Supergirl, Imhotep and The Kraken. Even for someone as powerful as Onslaught, this is quite the odds being stacked against him. He uses his incredible telepathic abilities to take control of the minds of both Imhotep and Supergirl. He then sends them to attack their own teammate, the Kraken. The enormous sea monster, however, just uses its brute force to end all three lives as well as this match.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Davy Jones, Flying Dutchman Crew #1-5, and Pirate #11 in the Flying Dutchman, Uncle Fester in a Swift Boat, Imhotep, Supergirl, and The Kraken.
The Flying Dutchman’s ominous sails stretch and flow in the cold Arctic air as Xavier’s Annihilation Squad prepare for battle. Davy Jones sees their opponents in the distance. The Untouchables are all aboard Broadside, who is in his aircraft carrier mode. “Roll out the long guns, Laddies,” bellows Davy Jones. The five crewmembers of the Dutchman, along with Pirate #11 prepare the cannons. “Fire!” shouts Jones. The cannons explode with a long bang. Onslaught, then however, takes center stage and uses his vast magnetic powers to stop the oncoming cannonballs in mid air and turn them back at the Dutchman. They smash into the side of the ship, causing massive damage. “Alright,” Jones grumbles, “release the Kraken!” The ice and water around Broadside begin to shift and shake. And with a mighty eruption, the Kraken’s tentacles burst out of the water, slamming down on the deck of Broadside. The rest of the Untouchables jump overboard as the Kraken rips apart the Autobot before he can transform. Paula Dean manages to then swim over to Uncle Fester’s Swift Boat and climbs aboard. “Hi y’all,” says the Southern cook. She then does something that was both kind of gross and kind of cool. She throws several frozen sticks of butter at Fester’s head, knocking him down. She then jams another stick of butter down his throat, choking him to death. After this kill, she lets out one of her well known cackles. This is not enjoyed for long, because Imhotep uses his magic to send a tidal wave crashing into the Swift Boat, overturning it and trapping Paula Dean underneath, where she drowns. Onslaught then uses what’s left of Broadside and launches the shrapnel into the hull of the Dutchman. He then rips all of the metal out of it all at once. He kills Flying Dutchman Crew Members #3-5 in the process. Supergirl then flies into action. She is aware of the sort of damage the other Supergirl in the League has done, and wants to make the same impact. Sodam Yat also feels that this is his time to make an impression on the rest of the League. The two powerhouses clash high above the water. Meanwhile, back in the water, Imhotep finds himself double-teamed by Katara the Water Bender and Emperor Han. All three of them vie for control over the freezing water, but Imhotep is too powerful for them. And with the help of the Kraken, Imhotep defeats his two adversaries. Ursula’s oily, black tentacles begin to wrap around Davy Jones, partially because she is attracted to him. But what she truly wants is control over the Kraken. Davy Jones knows of Ursula and what her magic can do, so he orders the Kraken to take them both out. This is exactly what the might sea creature does, along with the rest of the crew and Pirate #11. Unfortunately, with Davy Jones dead, there is no one to control the monster. It begins to attack wildly, grabbing both Supergirl and Sodom Yat. The massive beast drags them both deep underwater. One of the suckers on its tentacles latches onto Sodam Yat’s ring hand and literally pulls the ring off of the Green Lantern. This proves to be fatal for the Daxamite, due to his need of protection against lead. Supergirl then uses her shape shifting abilities to get away from the beast’s grasp. Onslaught is now left to fend for himself against Supergirl, Imhotep and The Kraken. Even for someone as powerful as Onslaught, this is quite the odds being stacked against him. He uses his incredible telepathic abilities to take control of the minds of both Imhotep and Supergirl. He then sends them to attack their own teammate, the Kraken. The enormous sea monster, however, just uses its brute force to end all three lives as well as this match.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!
Week 2: Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies vs The Abomitrons
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are Ron Popeil, Forge, John Moses Browning, Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane, Scarlet Witch, Etrigan the Demon, Captain Caveman, Dynomutt, and The Wu-Tang Clan: RZA, GZA, Method Man, Raekwon, Ghost Face Killah, Inspectah Deck, U God, Masta Killah, Cappa Donna, Ol' Dirty Bastard, and Dirt McGirt.
The Abomitrons are Sebastian the Crab, Immell #17 (Elite Sebastian: Sebastian the Crab & Elite Clone Trooper #21), Leviathan, Toadette, Horri-Bull with Creb, Ultra Boy, Spider-Boy, Naboo Soldier #2-3, Goofy and Pluto.
“Damn, it’s freezing out here!” exclaims Method Man. The rest of the Wu-Tang Clan shivers in agreeance. “Man, I didn’t sign with this team just to be tossed out here in the Arctic Ocean,” says RZA. But before anyone else can complain the Abomitrons show up for the battle. The Wu-Tang Clan, as well as the rest of the Murderflies, take their places on the Ron Popeil/Forge constructed Ronco Dura-Float. The Abomitrons storm the vessel and begin their attack. Sebastian the Crab is thrown by Spider-Boy right at GZA and latches onto the rapper’s bottom lip. “Oww! Muh lipp!” shouts GZA. He pulls Sebastian off of his mouth and stomps the little crustacean to death. Toadette, Goofy and Pluto then attack the trio of Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Big Baby Jesus, and Dirt McGirt. “Well, gosh, Toadette. These three all look the same to me,” says Goofy. “Goofy, that’s not exactly a very P.C. thing to say,” replies Toadette. “No really, don’t they look like they are the same guy?” Goofy says. But before Toadette can respond, Pluto’s extra sensitive nose then gets a whiff of something and he viciously mauls Big Baby Jesus to death. The former police dog (yeah, bet you didn’t know Pluto used to be a police dog? Well he was in The Purloined Pup from 1946, so there. Eat it.) then pulls out a bag of what appears to be oregano. Toadette and Goofy then follow suit and attack O.D.B. and Dirt McGirt. Goofy savagely snaps O.D.B.’s neck, as Toadette uses one of Forge’s wrenches to bludgeon Dirt McGirt. The rest of the Wu-Tang Clan sees this horrible display of savagery and unloads their glocks into Goofy, Pluto and Toadette. Immell #17 (Elite Sebastian) then sneaks up behind Masta Killah and “killah”s him “masta”fully by clipping his head off with his one claw hand. He then busts as “cappa” in Cappa Donna’s “buttah.” (Everyone enjoying this? No? Ok I’ll stop) “Captain CAAAAAVEMAAAAAAANNNN!!!!” shouts the super Neanderthal as he flies up and smashes Ultra Boy down into the icy water. But the robot boy bursts out of the water and knocks Captain Caveman for a loop. Dynomutt tries to help his friend, but Ultra Boy is ready. Dynomutt starts pulling out several different types of weapons from his body, but Ultra Boy is more advanced and blasts a massive hole into Dynomutt’s side. Ultra Boy then turns and fires a rocket at Captain Caveman. It hits dead on, but once the smoke clears, Captain Caveman’s fur and face are just singed. He then aims his club and fires a rocket of his own, which is successful in destroying Ultra Boy. It was so easy even… well you get the point. He then flies down and attacks Horri-Bull and Creb. He smashes Creb’s head in, but Captain Caveman wasn’t expecting Horri-Bull to be a big as he is. “Unga bunga, you am big as T-Rex. Me am going to unga bunga you to death!” shout Captain Caveman. But Horri-Bull is too powerful for the Neanderthal and with a mighty snap of the Decepticon’s jaw, Captain Caveman is no more. Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane then take off in the Ronco Faster-Boat (“you’ll never want to drive on land again.”). They are speeding away from the Ronco Dura-Float just in time to see Leviathan burst from the water and destroy the boat, killing the rest of the Wu-Tang Clan in one fell swoop. Unfortunately, it also takes out Elite Sebastian in the process. Ron Popeil, Forge and John Moses Browning were able to escape certain doom as well, by taking the other Ronco Faster-Boat. John Moses Browning takes aim with his rifle and picks off both Naboo Soldiers with ease. Spider-Boy then feels like it’s time for him to make a name for himself and fires his webbing all over three members of the Murderflies. He then uses his super strength to kill all of them. Michael and Fiona are racing around in their boat, being tailed by Horri-Bull. Michael has an idea, and has Fiona drive for a minute while he sets some detonators in the back of the boat. Horri-Bull catches up to them just as Michael and Fiona leap out of the boat and into the water. When Horri-Bull makes contact with the boat, the C4 and the boat explodes, which rip the Headmaster apart. Michael and Fiona are freezing in the water, clutching onto a piece of debris from the Ronco Dura-Float. But unfortunately for them, Leviathan come up from underneath them and eats them as if they were prawns. The Murderflies magical heavy hitters now have their backs up against the wall. Etrigan the Demon stares down Spider-Boy. “All around the world, Killa Beez start swarmin' 'em. You can't stop us, you can't block us. Rock us or mock us, knock us or top us. Better sit back and watch us...” Etrigan starts to say, but Spider-Boy fires his web shooter at Etrigan’s mouth to shut him up. The Demon then uses his fire breath to burn the webbing away and in a rage now, flies head first right at Spider-Boy. Meanwhile, Scarlet Witch is just floating above the water. Not saying anything, not moving, not even paying attention to the match. Etrigan then wraps Spider-Boy up in a bear hug and with a combination of his fire breath and squeezing Spider-Boy until his back snaps; he’s able to defeat him. Leviathan emerges out of the water once again, and goes to swallow Scarlet Witch. Etrigan is helpless to aid his teammate, but just before Leviathan closes it massive jaws, he hears Scarlet Witch say what sounded like “No more Leviathan.” And just like that. Etrigan floats in the water, alone.
BROCK SAMSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Abomitrons are Sebastian the Crab, Immell #17 (Elite Sebastian: Sebastian the Crab & Elite Clone Trooper #21), Leviathan, Toadette, Horri-Bull with Creb, Ultra Boy, Spider-Boy, Naboo Soldier #2-3, Goofy and Pluto.
“Damn, it’s freezing out here!” exclaims Method Man. The rest of the Wu-Tang Clan shivers in agreeance. “Man, I didn’t sign with this team just to be tossed out here in the Arctic Ocean,” says RZA. But before anyone else can complain the Abomitrons show up for the battle. The Wu-Tang Clan, as well as the rest of the Murderflies, take their places on the Ron Popeil/Forge constructed Ronco Dura-Float. The Abomitrons storm the vessel and begin their attack. Sebastian the Crab is thrown by Spider-Boy right at GZA and latches onto the rapper’s bottom lip. “Oww! Muh lipp!” shouts GZA. He pulls Sebastian off of his mouth and stomps the little crustacean to death. Toadette, Goofy and Pluto then attack the trio of Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Big Baby Jesus, and Dirt McGirt. “Well, gosh, Toadette. These three all look the same to me,” says Goofy. “Goofy, that’s not exactly a very P.C. thing to say,” replies Toadette. “No really, don’t they look like they are the same guy?” Goofy says. But before Toadette can respond, Pluto’s extra sensitive nose then gets a whiff of something and he viciously mauls Big Baby Jesus to death. The former police dog (yeah, bet you didn’t know Pluto used to be a police dog? Well he was in The Purloined Pup from 1946, so there. Eat it.) then pulls out a bag of what appears to be oregano. Toadette and Goofy then follow suit and attack O.D.B. and Dirt McGirt. Goofy savagely snaps O.D.B.’s neck, as Toadette uses one of Forge’s wrenches to bludgeon Dirt McGirt. The rest of the Wu-Tang Clan sees this horrible display of savagery and unloads their glocks into Goofy, Pluto and Toadette. Immell #17 (Elite Sebastian) then sneaks up behind Masta Killah and “killah”s him “masta”fully by clipping his head off with his one claw hand. He then busts as “cappa” in Cappa Donna’s “buttah.” (Everyone enjoying this? No? Ok I’ll stop) “Captain CAAAAAVEMAAAAAAANNNN!!!!” shouts the super Neanderthal as he flies up and smashes Ultra Boy down into the icy water. But the robot boy bursts out of the water and knocks Captain Caveman for a loop. Dynomutt tries to help his friend, but Ultra Boy is ready. Dynomutt starts pulling out several different types of weapons from his body, but Ultra Boy is more advanced and blasts a massive hole into Dynomutt’s side. Ultra Boy then turns and fires a rocket at Captain Caveman. It hits dead on, but once the smoke clears, Captain Caveman’s fur and face are just singed. He then aims his club and fires a rocket of his own, which is successful in destroying Ultra Boy. It was so easy even… well you get the point. He then flies down and attacks Horri-Bull and Creb. He smashes Creb’s head in, but Captain Caveman wasn’t expecting Horri-Bull to be a big as he is. “Unga bunga, you am big as T-Rex. Me am going to unga bunga you to death!” shout Captain Caveman. But Horri-Bull is too powerful for the Neanderthal and with a mighty snap of the Decepticon’s jaw, Captain Caveman is no more. Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane then take off in the Ronco Faster-Boat (“you’ll never want to drive on land again.”). They are speeding away from the Ronco Dura-Float just in time to see Leviathan burst from the water and destroy the boat, killing the rest of the Wu-Tang Clan in one fell swoop. Unfortunately, it also takes out Elite Sebastian in the process. Ron Popeil, Forge and John Moses Browning were able to escape certain doom as well, by taking the other Ronco Faster-Boat. John Moses Browning takes aim with his rifle and picks off both Naboo Soldiers with ease. Spider-Boy then feels like it’s time for him to make a name for himself and fires his webbing all over three members of the Murderflies. He then uses his super strength to kill all of them. Michael and Fiona are racing around in their boat, being tailed by Horri-Bull. Michael has an idea, and has Fiona drive for a minute while he sets some detonators in the back of the boat. Horri-Bull catches up to them just as Michael and Fiona leap out of the boat and into the water. When Horri-Bull makes contact with the boat, the C4 and the boat explodes, which rip the Headmaster apart. Michael and Fiona are freezing in the water, clutching onto a piece of debris from the Ronco Dura-Float. But unfortunately for them, Leviathan come up from underneath them and eats them as if they were prawns. The Murderflies magical heavy hitters now have their backs up against the wall. Etrigan the Demon stares down Spider-Boy. “All around the world, Killa Beez start swarmin' 'em. You can't stop us, you can't block us. Rock us or mock us, knock us or top us. Better sit back and watch us...” Etrigan starts to say, but Spider-Boy fires his web shooter at Etrigan’s mouth to shut him up. The Demon then uses his fire breath to burn the webbing away and in a rage now, flies head first right at Spider-Boy. Meanwhile, Scarlet Witch is just floating above the water. Not saying anything, not moving, not even paying attention to the match. Etrigan then wraps Spider-Boy up in a bear hug and with a combination of his fire breath and squeezing Spider-Boy until his back snaps; he’s able to defeat him. Leviathan emerges out of the water once again, and goes to swallow Scarlet Witch. Etrigan is helpless to aid his teammate, but just before Leviathan closes it massive jaws, he hears Scarlet Witch say what sounded like “No more Leviathan.” And just like that. Etrigan floats in the water, alone.
BROCK SAMSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
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