Doctor's Madhouse vs. The Underhills (Ready Player Zyn)

 Doctors Madhouse: Dr.Manhattan, Silver Surfer, Ranx the Sentient City, Brainiac, Kang, Vader, Abeloth, Captain Marvel, Batman, Robin, Alfred w/Double Yellow Lightsaber, Nightwing, Kid Flash, Invincible (Mark Grayson), Atom-Eve, Dupli-Kate, Robot, Rex Splode, Allen the Alien, Albus Dumbledore, Lord Voldemort, Ocean Master, Kitfisto, Swamp Thing, Frodo Baggins w/Dwarf Ring, Chucky, Bride of Chucky, Kryptonian 1 & 2, Yellow Lantern 3, Frank Wendeezys Metivier w/ Hella Lokos and Zyns

The Underhills: General Zod, Neo w/2 blue lightsabers, Sauron w/The One Ring, Spiderman, Hulk, Mogo, Snape, Iroh, Punisher, Microchip, Revan Reborn, Starkiller, Darth Talon in X-Wing, Rooster & Hangman in Ebon Hawk, Excalibur, Meggan, Phoenix (Rachel Summers), Shadowcat, Nightcrawler, Lockheed, Widget, Kylun, Mera, Black Manta, Seacons, Nautilator, Seawing, Overbite, Skalor, Snaptrap, Tanktail, Blue Wizards 1&2, Radagast the Brown, Xenomorph Aliens 1-4

It was a silent, normal night for Wendeezys at home.  As normal he and erick argued with Alex in the group chat about his horrible sports takes and how he can't drink the full gallon of milk. Although he do get his respect for his matches with the Big Benito.  This night continued as normal until there was a knock at the door.  

    FBI agents began to infiltrate the house.  One of the agents said "You're the only one who can help us get back the One."

   "What the hell is the One" says Wendeezys

    "The 100mg wintergreen zyn.  It is stuck in the Oasis.  We need you to go in and retrieve it.  We already have multiple agents disguised as fantasy characters to help you along the way in there."

    "But why me" says a concerned Wendeezys

    "We're not sure why, but we know the enemy said they had to keep it away from you because in your hands it could hurt them"

    "Fuck it we ball" says Wendeezys.

Wendeezys is taken back to a secret location and is sent into the Oasis.  As he enters the Oasis he realizes he has nothing to his name in there because he bet all of his money on the Lions to make it to the super bowl (they placed 3rd in the division).  All that is in his inventory is a variety pack of four lokos and an endless supply he won in a boxing match because he do be boxin tho.  

"Where did they send me in here?  I've never been here in the Oasis" says Wendeezys

"You finally made it.  Dumb of you to make your character look like yourself.  You are gonna stand out like a sore thumb." shouts a mysterious person across the sand.

The figure began to move closer and Wendeezys took a defensive position with a four loko ready to do some damage.

"Stand down.  We're here to help" says the man

"What do you mean we?" says Wendeezys

"Us" says another mystery man

Then appearing from the shadows is Frodo, Silver Surfer, and Kang.

"We are agents with the FBI disguised as known fantasy characters to work under the radar"

"Then why choose someone like Frodo and not someone strong like Magneto?" Wendeezys Questions.

"Hey Frodo is an iconic character and you can't tell me when Sam gave him that gay little look you didn't smile" says Kang

"That's besides the point.  We are on Arrakis from dune.  We already have a few more guys fighting and we need to get back to that fight.  General Zod is making a mess of our team"\

The members of Dr.Madhouse rush back to the fight and Wendeezys reluctantly follows along.  General Zod is dodging attacks from Kid Flash.  No matter how fast he goes he keeps getting caught.  Zod tricks the Kid Flash into thinking he got him before piercing his skull with one of his weapons on his suit.  

"Holy shit he's dead" says Wendeezys

"Yeah and were in the part of the Oasis where if you die in here you die in the real world" says Kang nonchalantly 

 "They didn't tell me that.  I would've never came here" says Wendeezys 

"Well you better complete the mission then huh dumbass" says Kang

Then the battle commences.   Zod has more help than they thought as well.  Iroh, the punisher and the microchip are there as well.  Although badass the punisher is quickly decimated by kang.  

While that was happening the Silver Surfer and Zod were engulfed in a large-scale battle.  The destruction is causing Wendeezys and Frodo to take cover.  In the end Zod takes the upper hand and destroys silver surfer.

“We have to run.  We can’t take him alone.  The forbidden forest is located just on the other side of Arrakis in the Oasis.  We can meet up with some of the wizards we have there.” yells Kang

“It looks like Zod is leaving.” says Wendeezys

“He’s probably headed to the Gotham realm of the Oasis.  That’s where our biggest lead to the One could be.  We already have troops there who should great Zod but we better hurry because they are going to need Kangs help since Silver Surfer is dead.” says Frodo

The group continues onward to the Forbidden Forest.

In the Forbidden Forest the group is able to meet up with Abeloth, Kit Fisto and Swamp Thing.  There could be nearby enemies close and indeed there was.  The group finds themselves in front of Radagast, Nightcrawler and Revan.  

Swamp Thing and Radagast begin the attack.  Both using the natural elements to their side.  The ground begins to shake and become unstable causing Wendeezys and Frodo to try to make their way to Hogwarts where their wizard team is holding strong.  

Revan tries to intervene the escape but Kitfisto and Abeloth join in to let them escape.  Kitfisto draws his light saber as well as Revan.  Revan's double lightsaber illuminates the forest to a glowing red similar to Kylo Ren but in a more badass way because those movies were ass.  The clashing of lightsabers begin to sound off between the two.  

Revan takes the upper hand on Kitfisto and in the end is able to defeat him with a lightsaber to the heart but Abeloth begins her counter attack.  She just finished off nightcrawler and is looking to take out Revan next.  Abeloth shows her true form and tries to take over the mind of Revan.  It is only slightly working though.  Revan is resisting against the powerful force user but in the end it isn’t enough and she forces him into the crossfire of Swamp Thing and Radagast.  Thus killing Revan.

Swamp Thing and Abeloth begin to take the offense against Radagast but the powerful wizard will not back down.  

“You will not cross this forest.  Our other wizards are already trying to take control of Hogwarts from you guys” shouts Radagast. 

Radagast is able to use the elements of the forest to trap Abeloth and Swamp Thing rendering them useless.  This allows Iroh, who was forgotten in Arrakis, to come in and deliver the final blows to the two members of Madhouse.

“Iroh, you need to make it to the Gotham realm of the Oasis.  I will go and help Sauron and the other take control of the castle at Hogwarts.  We think they may be defending a clue to where the one is.” says Radagast.

As Iroh makes his way towards the Gotham realm he comes up on two dolls just laying in the woods.  One dressed as a bride and the other dressed as a child but holding a knife.

“What kind of sick kid thinks of a doll holding a knife” questions Iroh as he tries to pick up the doll.

“Someone who isn’t a kid” says the Bride of Chucky

Chucky then leaps on to the face of Iroh stabbing him multiple times causing him to bleed out.

In the quidditch field of Hogwarts we got a big ole wizard battle taking place.  Radagast has just arrived to help out his team in the attack but Voldemort saw him coming over the horizon and casted Avada Kedavra killing him on the spot.  

“You will pay for that you weird faced freak” shouts Sauron

He then sends the two blue wizards to attack Voldemort.  Then Dumbledore steps into his defense.  Knowing they aren’t really these characters it makes it ok for these two to battle on the same side.  Spells and shit start flying everywhere.  Dumbledore and Voldemort are able to defeat the two blue Wizards.  This leaves Snape and Sauron to take on Dumbledore and Voldemort.

Snape quickly takes the offense against Voldemort while Dumbledore and Sauron box it out.  Snape is able to get the upper hand on Voldemort using his proficiency in the dark arts even tho Voldemort is also a master of the dark arts.

Dumbledore shakes off Sauron to try to save Voldemort but it is too late.  Dumbledore then starts to cast multiple cursed spells against Snape and eventually kills him.  Out of rage he keeps on piling on his dead body with more cursed spells.  In rage Dumbledore starts to get the upper hand on Sauron.  That is until Rooster and Hangman join the fight.  They know they can’t beat Dumbledore so it leaves them with only one option left.  They suicide bomb into the two of them killing all 4 in the process.  Not really thought out by the two but they knew they could not allow Dumbledore to advance onto Gotham. 

Meanwhile in space……..

Zod never made it to the Gotham realm of the Oasis because he had to make a stop in space beforehand.  Zod and Dr.Manhattan are in space throwing some hands.  The two powerful beings have been clashing for hours but they are not the only ones there fighting.  While they are throwing some hooks at each other Mogo and Ranx are also fighting.

Reinforcements have arrived for team Madhouse though.  Captain Marvel and Brainiac join the fight.  Brainiac tries to give Dr.Manhattan a break and starts to attack Zod.  Brainiac being able to fight superman in the past gives him the confidence to try to take on zod.  Brainiac trys to spawn clones of himself to help him fight and succeeds. This caused Zod to become confused on who the real one is.  Zod being the badass he is does not care and begins to destroy all of the clones. He eventually lands on the real one and deals a devastating blow causing Brainiac to die and float away into space.  

Mogo and Ranx are still banging it out and throwing hands and by hands I mean meteors and galaxies at each other.  The two are both on their last legs and think of the same idea.  They both begin to gravitate everything towards them this includes Dr.Manhattan, Captain Marvel, and Zod.  While in the gravitational pull they are still fighting.  Captain Marvel tries to eliminate Zod but he is saved by Mogo who blocks her move with a meteorite.  He then pulls Captain Marvel close to him and changes the surrounding space into a fiery meteor shower killing Captain Marvel and leaving nothing left.  

Ranx and Mogo both go for the kill and send everything they have at each other dealing lethal blows to the two of them but it also sends down Dr.Manhattan and Zod crashing into Gotham.  They and some debris from space crash into the dam in Gotham and it begins to flood the entire city and releases the trapped Seacons with it.

This sends Gotham into chaos and giant battle. 

Kang instantly responds to the seacons being released and destroys them all as they are not a threat to him and his abilities.  Kang is joined by 2 Kyptonians and a Yellow Lantern.  They are met by the Hulk and the remaining members of Excalibur.  Lockheed, while flying in the air, begins to fill the surrounding area with a smoke cloud rendering the members of Madhouse unable to see.  This allows Shadow cat to phase through the walls of the buildings to close in on the yellow lantern.  With the yellow lantern unable to see Shadowcat is able to phase through the wall next to him and jump on top of him and slit his throat open with a knife.  

This leaves the Kyptonians who have already been able to kill Widget. This caused Kylun to let out an ungodly screech causing both to take flight and sit above the smoke clouds where they are met by Lockheed who sets them ablaze killing them both.  

During this Kang was able to track down the Hulk because he cannot move without being heard.  Kang is able to catch him.  The hulk begins a rampage throwing all the cars he could at kang but he was able to vaporize them all.  The hulk begins to run but Kang catches him quickly.  He then delivers a final blow to the chest of hulk causing him to bleed out and die.   

The smoke is still heavy from the cloud that Lockheed created.  This created an opportunity that could on be pulled off by two people. Chucky and his bride.  Chucky and his bride are able to jump on top of Shadow cat.  They were able to disarm her because she was caught by surprise.  Chucky then uses her own weapon against her and stabs her in the chest multiple times and kills her with a stab to the heart.  Phoenix counters as she can hear the screaming they came from shadow cat.  Phoenix then crushes the two dolls with surrounding items.

The smoke from Lockheed begins to dissipate revealing a surprise to the Excalibur members.  It is the members from invincible who have arrived.  Invincible himself begins to fight Meggan who also has superhuman strength.  They begin to trade blows in a furious rage.  Invincible takes the upper hand because he is a man and he ain’t losing to no mutant woman. 

Phoenix then tries to attack Invincible and he is shielded by Atom Eve.  Kylun jumps into action attacking Atom Eve so she can not provide shields for her allies.  She tries to fly away but Kylun was too quick to catch her.  He slashes her back with a sword with a cut so deep that she cannot survive. 

“Don’t try to counter now Mark, we have to complete the mission.  I know you’re angry but use that in your favor” shouts Robot who coordinated this attack.  

Robot is then crushed between two cars because of Phoenix who is still in this fight.  Rex Splode then tries to send explosions at Phoenix who is able to dodge the attack.  Lockheed then sets Rex Splode ablaze.   

Allen the alien then charges at Phoenix.  He was too quick for her to evade him.  He then starts to beat her head into a wall with his strength and kills her rather quickly.  Kylun was going to counter attack until Dupli Kate started to make clones and surrounded him.  He has to start fending off all of the clones that surround him.  Invincible seizes the opportunity and takes out Kylun.  

Lockheed surrounds Allen and Kate with smoke and then begins to breathe fire across it causing a massive fire.  Both of them burned to ashes but the water is getting closer.  Lockheed tries to fly further into the city so that he isn’t useless but is stopped by Invincible.  Who then proceeds to beat the absolute shit out of him and then tosses him into the water.  

The water was not the only thing coming that way.  In the water fighting is Ocean Master, Black Manta and Mera.  Ocean Master having to fight the two off is a challenge.  He is able to get the upper hand on Black Manta but Mera took the opening when he was defenseless and took his life.  She continues on to the city with the water. 

Further into gotham in the Bat Cave there is a large fight going down.  We are in the big ass Michael Keaton batcave so don’t get your panties in a wad.  For the Madhouse team is Batman, Robin, Alfred, Nightwing, and Darth Vader.  Though a strong team they have a strong opponent who is Neo carrying two blue lightsabers, Spiderman, Star Killer, and Darth Talon. 

Darth Talon takes on Nightwing.  Although fast Nightwing is no match for a strong force user like Talon.  Talon then slashes Nightwing with her lightsaber.  She is then attacked by Alfred who is wielding a yellow double lightsaber.  

“So you're a sentinel?  If so it makes killing you so much better” says Talon

“No.  Master Wayne actually gifted this to me for my birthday but I do know how to use it” says back Alfred.  

In the distance 

“Wow this is getting good huh?” Says Wendeezys who is hiding in a corner of the Batcave with Frodo.  

The battle continues 

The lightsabers start to clash, but it turns out Alfred only slightly knew what he was doing and could not hold up to the Talents of Talon.  

Batman and Robin are trying to take out Spiderman.  Spiderman is too quick for Robin and is able to trap him in a web which allows Neo to deliver a final blow.  Spiderman is not too quick for Batman in his own cave though.  Knowing the ins and outs of his own cave Batman is able to catch spider man and avenges his fallen Teammate.  

Starkiller and Talon try to team up to take on Vader.  The lightsabers clash and the noise echoes throughout the entire cave.  The cave is lit up red.  The two cannot get close to Vader though.  Neo then joins the fight as well.  Vader is strong but he cannot take on three of them.  

Then swoops in Batman.  He knew he was going to die but just needed to distract Neo long enough for Vader to fight the two others.  Vader is then able to gain the upper hand on Talon and ends her life.  Star Killer retaliates and tries to use the force on Vader.

“Who do you think you are kid” says Vader

His force is stronger than Starkiller and he takes the upper hand and chokes the life out of him with the force.

This just leaves Neo and Vader in the Batcave.  More of the lightsabers begin to clash.  This is nothing like Vader has ever scene before.  He doesn’t use the force but he can slow down time to dodge his attacks.  Vader is unable to touch Neo.  Neo is able to get close enough to put both of his Sabers through his stomach.  Neo then rushes out of the Batcave as it is beginning to fill with water.

Wendeezys and Frodo rush down to see if Vader is actually dead.

“You two.  It was only a clue we found here.  I was trusted with it and they didn’t know I knew it before they left.  It says you have to venture deeper into the Oasis to a place called playoff planet.  You must give that information to Kang or Dr.Manhattan if they are alive” says Vader as his breathing begins to slow as he lays there and dies.  

“Will do my guy” says Wendeezys

Wendeezys and Frodo rush out of the cave before they drown in the Water.  

Little did they know Mera heard what they said.  Wendeezys and Frodo see her rushing away in the flowing water.  Invincible arrives just in time.

“She knows the secret we have to stop her” shouts Wendeezys to Invincible

Invincible Rushes forward eventually catching Mera and killing her for the information that she knew.

“We will get this information to Manhattan and Kang, they are fighting Zod and Neo who are the only two left of the Underhills.  If we can kill them off and get those two the information we may just have a chance to find the one” says Invincible 

Dr.Manhattan and Zod have been boxin since space and have continued in Gotham.  Manhattan is starting to gain the upper hand and Invincible steps in to help.  Just as they are about to deal the final blow to Zod, Neo comes out of nowhere to kill Invincible.  Manhattan loses sight of what's going on, this allows Zod to attack.  

Zod and Neo start an onslaught on Dr.Manhattan who is just eating haymakers until Kang catches back up.  He is able to knock Neo down and allows Manhattan to crush him leaving nothing to be seen.  Zod then kills Dr.Manhattan as he is critically wounded from the ongoing fight.  

Zod now has nothing left in the tank to fight.  Kang unleashes a beat down.  He gets in full mount and just beats dat boy's ass.  

Wendeezys and Frodo catch up to Kang.

“We have the clue.  We need to continue further in the Oasis until we reach the playoff planet.  That is where we can find the one.” says Wendeezys who is out of breath from all the running.

“You're just a bitch.  I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Doom” says Frodo to Wendeezys.

“That wasn’t actually you though.  We are in a virtual world playing as fantasy characters” says Wendeezys as they continue onwards to the playoff planet. 

Week Nine: CisHets vs. Sigmaz

The Heterosexual Gentlemen are: General Kenobi and The "Burger King" King w/ wakizashi, and four LOTR Orcs.

Sigmaz are Kratos and five goblins, one of whom has an AK-47 and severe mental illness.

A deadly logistical dilemma was occuring in Yoda's hut. By the Will of the Watchers, the 12 combatants were jammed asses to elbows in the confined space, strictly forbidden from going outside. To ensure this, the hut was encased in Flex Tape. General Kenobi was packed alongside fellow sardine The King, Monarch of all Burgerkind, brandishing a wicked sick wakizashi. Their entourage consisted of four Orcs seemingly tangled around them from all sides at once. Across the hut, Kratos, the God of War, was similarly swimming in goblins. At the center of it all was one very irritated goblin with an AR-15.

The hut cracked and groaned as the pressure inside became too much even for the power of Flex Tape. Kenobi calls to Kratos, "You can give up now, Kratos! Quit the league, dissolve your team, it's the only way we can survive this predicament!" Kratos grunted and replied "The only way you will survive, perhaps. You don't even have a proper God behind your cult. Just this... Jester?" They look toward The King. He didn't look back. He didn't squirm, he didn't groan as his ribs were tested by the cramped space. He only stared ahead, smiling. Disturbed and outraged, Kratos began flexing his muscles violently as he could in an attempt to throw a punch. The effort sent waves of force through the cuddle puddle. An orc's head burst, another's chest was caved in by a neighboring kneebone. The walls gave a final agonal creak before bursting into shrapnel and dust. As the wreckage settled, the combatants look around to find... ANOTHER Yoda Hut, but slightly larger!

As our two teams stopped to ponder what had appeared before them, a furious shriek emanated from the back of the crowd. 

From the ranks of the goblins, the one brandishing the AR-15 unleashed a storm of bullets into the cramped space. Panic ensued as bodies scattered, desperately seeking cover from the onslaught. General Kenobi acted deftly to end the Goblin's mass shooting, though by the time it was safe to intervene all the Orcs were already dead.

Yet, victory for Kenobi was short-lived. Kratos seized the moment as Kenobi crossed to his side of the now medium-sized hut. With a single mighty step to his left, he came within range to jam his Blades of Chaos through Kenobi's torso, tearing upward and leaving him in ribbons.

Kratos then turned his eye to The King, who had remained silent through the chaos of the firefight. He was sneaking in a cartoonist fashion toward the door. As Kratos started toward him, he dashed away instantly, leaving a puff of burning rubber and a King-shaped hole in the door. A Kratos-sized hole quickly followed as he burst through after the King out into an enormous replica of Yoda's Hut, larger than the last, maybe larger than any hut ever before it. The King was hastily dashing across the now vast room toward the door. Kratos dove across the room and seamlessly threw his axe as he rolled out of a somersault, striking the King in the back. He noticed, as he called the axe back, there is no blood. He moved to the body and turns it over to find that, rather than a man in a plastic mask, he had struck a plastic mannequin with a man's face. General Kenobi's face. His cool composure faltered briefly. He shouted to the room, as he tore through to find his mark, "Enough games! Face me!" He found no sign in any hiding place, no tracks. He stormed to the enormous door and began to throw his weight against it. After a few strikes it gave way, and he stumbled into a new environment. 

Floor tiles. Fluorescent tube lighting set to dim overnight. An empty stretch of off-highway road out plate windows on a cool May night. He had emerged from the ladies room of a Burger King Restaurant. Sooner than he could comprehend, the floor tiles split beneath him, and he was dropped into a pool of bubbling fryer oil. The tiles closed, and in seconds they opened again, but no oil was seen in the space beneath. Instead, a 7 foot cardboard fast foot box emerged slowly on a shining marble platform, labeled: "NEW 🔥 SPICY🔥KRATOS FRIES!". As the under-floor elevator came to a halt, the lid of the box popped open, and there emerged The King, his lifeless smile unwavering in a shower of golden fried demigod meat sticks.

Week 9 Consortium: NAZA vs TEAM

NAZA: Legends Luke Skywalker w/ Blue Lantern Ring and R2-D2

TEAM: The Mandalorian and Gorgu, Ethan Petz, Yellow Lantern Ring #1-2, and Cassette #1-5

Season 14 Week 9: Horsemen vs Madhouse

Darkseid’s Horsemen of Apokolips is: Legends Leia Organa Solo, C-3P0, Samwise Gamgee, Kenny McCormick, Autobot Cassette #3

Doctor’s Madhouse is: Darth Vader

Darth Vader approaches Yoda’s Hut on Dagobah, his cloak dragging gently across the damp ground, his steps silent. As he enters the clearing, his stance changes from menacing to annoyed and confused. 

Yoda is seen outside setting up folding chairs in his yard. Darth Vader approaches and asks what he is doing here as he is not on the roster for either team. 

“Mmm. A bonfire, I am having. In my yard it will be.” Yoda replies. 

Vader says, “When are you having people over to your house?”

“Standing in my house, you are not. In the yard, we are. No?... mmm”

“I guess you are right.” Vader says as both him and Yoda turn toward the camera, breaking the fourth wall in your mind’s eye. “The yard is NOT the house, now is it?”

Yoda then saunters off to find roots and berries for his party while Vader approaches the hut to begin this epic, highly anticipated final week battle. 

There is elevated noise coming from the hut. A light glows from inside and several shadows are seen moving around as Vader pokes his head in the door announcing his presence. “Can you guys move over?! There’s no room!” Vader exclaims. 

(***Watcher Sidebar***)

I think it is important at this point in the match to mention here that Vader did toss some stuff around and knocked over Yoda’s table but once he was inside sitting Indian style, his helmet did clear the roof. There was plenty of room for him. The reason it was cramped and the reason Vader was annoyed is because someone (and we won’t name names) was trying to get him expelled from participation this week. And that same person who saw an issue with a couple extra inches in Vader’s height, apparently did not see an issue with playing 5 characters. That’s offensive to tall people. But that will not affect this watcher’s ability to write an unbiased match. I can easily rise above such hate.  OK Back to the action

Vader surveys his opponents. Samwise is manning the pot on the fire, boiling up some potatoes. Kenny is up in a hammock while Leia is trying to get C-3P0 to shut up as usual. The Autobot Cassette has transformed into a tiny robot and is walking around. 

“So, should I just kill you all and get this over with?” Vader says.

“Why so much hate, Mr Skywalker? We haven’t even had supper.” Says Sam.

Vader picks up the Cassette and crushes it easily in his hand, discarding the fragments into Sam’s stew. He then picks up the pot and throws the boiling water on Kenny before beating Sam to death with the pot. Vader ignites his lightsaber and puts Kenny out of his misery. (you bastard) He then force pushes Threepio into the corner with extreme force crushing every internal circuit and battery. The force causes an old crate to fall off a shelf and Yoda’s old lightsaber to roll across the floor. 

Leia picks up the saber and while a small fit in her hand she is able to ignite it and make a shuffle across the floor to try her best at committing patricide. But c’mon guys. It’s Vader… against a woman. After just a few volleys with the saber he cuts off her hand and then force pushes her out the window. He can hear her body fall amidst the chairs outside on the lawn. 

Vader collects himself and heads outside. Leia is disoriented and trying to stand up. Vader picks up a folding chair and brings it down swiftly on her neck, breaking it instantly. He looks up to see an annoyed Yoda with a small basket of good food shaking his head. Yoda thought about inviting the former Jedi to stay and join the party later, but he felt that his presence would be an issue. Yoda sensed much beer in him. 

The Trash Pandas Vs. The Sigmas

 "UNLIMITED Scoliosis, Am-I-Rite ladies" Emperor Palpatine mutters to himself as he attempts to work the kinks out of his back after spending some time searching for Yoda in his secluded Hut.  Even Lord Vader could not be trusted in this special mission once Sheev Palpatine found out where his little green friend was hiding so he could try and finish the job he started in the Senate all those years ago and ambush the former Grand Jedi Master of the Republic.  But wouldn't ya know the little guy isn't even home.  Instead, some other curious folk are about, searching through the hut as well.  With the Dark Side extremely hard to use in this domain of good and with Bilbo and his old frenemy Gollum's halfling ability to resist the powers of the Dark Lord, Palpatine is having trouble figuring out what in the Gungan is going on here.  When the Emperor stumbles upon the quintet, Bilbo has already helped himself to some of Yoda's tea and Gollum is eating a raw frog that made its way in the window from the swamp.  "You WILL DIE" Palpatine says rudely as he crouches his way towards the Sigmas; but Bilbo hiding his fear takes a sip of his tea and offers to play a game of riddles with Palpatine instead.  Palpatine thinks that is a rather silly idea and targets Grandslam in his mini tank form first since he looked the most threathening,  The Sith lightning he used for the attack was not very potent due to the setting and Yoda's leftover musk or what have you.  But it was still strong enough to short out and destroy the spark of the Autobot Cassette.  Gollum rushed at Sheev, in a rather psychotic way; lunging for the gold lined lightsaber on the belt of the Sith Lord, questioning its existence as "the precious"; but Palpatine ignited the weapon and quickly showed that it was not a ring as he ran Gollum through.  Palpatine, taken off guard by the strange circumstances of this match begins to slowly move towards the other Sigmas in a half crawl, half crouch movement; but Steeljaw and Nightstalker, comfortable walking on all fours in their Lion and Panther modes target the Sith Lord with their small mounted rockets and blow him up.  A sigh comes over Bilbo as he takes another sip of tea and says:  "Oh, good.  I didn't have any riddles anyway".   

The Underhills Vs. Dolla 49 McRib

The Underhills are Ant Man, The Wasp, and Grishnack

Dolla 49 McRib is Wonder Woman and 3 Navy SEALs.

In an unanimous decision by three esteemed Watchers....

Week 9 Democracy: Washington Redskins vs David Byrne's Meat Suits

Washington Redskins: Yoda w/ Dwarf Ring #4

David Byrne's Meat Suits: Hal Jordan, Chip, Dale w/ Dwarf Ring #3, and Magwai #1-5

Week 8: The Underhills vs TEAM

 TEAM: Kyle Houslander, Thunderstrike, Tenzen, Tarrlok, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Appa, Momo, Mel Gibson, Kyles Jeep

The Underhills: Punisher, Microchip, John Stewart, Green Lanterns #1-5, Blue Lanterns #1-2, Revan Reborn, Starkiller, Darth Talon, Xenomorph Alien #1-9

I showed up late to the match on account that I was stuck at graduation for like five hours, but I couldn't miss our school president witerally gwidding across the stage. What I witnessed walking in was a horror. There was blood everywhere, Kyle's Jeep was crashed through the wall with Darth Talon under it and Kyle (unalive) still inside and Everlong by the Foo Fighters playing on the radio.

Tenzen, Sokka, Toph, Appa, and Momo on the TEAM side and Microchip, Green Lanterns 1-5, Blue Lanterns 1-2, and Xenomorphs 1-9 on the Underhills were dead in the halls leading to the gym. I could hear the battle in the gym on my approach. I peaked my head in when the Punisher ran into the wall next to me pinning Mel Gibson, who seemed really into the pain, guess some people just never get over the Passion of the Christ. As Punisher kept laying down the sauce, it just seemed to empower Gibson even more. 

My boy Revan was getting up to it too. Thunderstrike did his best, but I mean Revan the dude who seen it all and has done it all so it was no surprise when he was struck down. Tarrlok and Katara were doing that Blood bending on Starkiller and John Stewart. They made Starkiller stab John Stewart with his lightsabers, but this enraged him into a manic state. With all his power he overcame the hold the two benders had over him and cut them down.

All that was left was Mel Gibson vs Revan, Punisher, and Starkiller. This would be no easy feat for the Underhills as Gibson is notoriously a slippery bastard. Chasing him through the school they almost had him at many points and eventually there was little holding the walls up. The Punisher tackled him through a corner and the whole building came crashing down. Revan and Starkiller were able to use the force to protect themselves, but Gibson and the Punisher were crushed under the debris. 

They lifted the debris over their teammate to find that he was hurt, but alive. They both put him on one shoulder and the three of them walked out of there as the rest of the building fell.

FFL 2023 Week 8: Trash Pandas vs. The Gentlemen

 Trash Pandas: Gandalf the White, The Bad Batch: Hunter, Wrecker, Tech, Crosshair, Echo, & Omega, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Pakku, Peregrin Took, & Asguardian #5.

The Gentlemen: Magneto w/ Red Lantern Ring, Sabertooth, Harry Potter, General Kenobi, & Dracula w/ Power Ring

This match starts out with the Trash Pandas set up shop in the Gymnasium, while The Gentlemen are covertly working their ways through the halls looking for their opponents. The Trash Pandas are setting up their defenses, the Bad Batch get into position by having crosshair in the stands set up as a sniper while Tech is set up at the bottom of the stands behind a couple of tables flipped on their sides with a bag full of grenades to help with defense. Pippin is instructed by Gandlaf to stay in the back with Tech behind cover so he can’t interfere with the battle.Tech tells Pippin to not touch the bag of grenades at ALL. 

For The Gentlemen, Sabertooth is instructed by General Kenobi to use his sense of smell to track the Trash Pandas. They follow Sabertooth until they get to the doors of the Gymnasium. Kenobi instructs the team to split up into 4 groups to push through the 4 different doorways into the gymnasium. Before they go through the doors, Kenobi instructs Magneto to make a distraction using his mutant powers. Magneto uses his powers to have the ceiling of the gymnasium collapse. Once the ceiling collapses, the Gentlemen all enter through the 4 doors and they just started blasting (Frank Reynolds style). The collapsing of the ceiling kills both Omega and Asguardian #5 as they both had I-Beams fall on them.

Harry Potter uses his wand to disarm Wrecker and Echo of their blasters, Magneto rips the rims off of the basketball hoops and uses them as projectiles, launching them at the Trash Pandas. Pakku builds an ice wall to protect the Trash Pandas from the Basketball rims. Magneto immediately retaliates by hitting Pakku with a blast of his Red Lantern Ring, immediately killing him. Sabertooth charges the disarmed Echo and Wrecker, Sabertooth slashes across the face of Echo with his claws. This causes Echo’s helmet to come off and he has three slashes across his face, one wrecking one of his eyes. Wrecker punches Sabertooth in the back, but this only enrages Sabertooth, he picks up Wrecker and throws him across the gym into a wall. Black Widow goes to retaliate against Saber Tooth but before she can use the tasers on her wrists, Harry Potter disarms her with her wand and Sabertooth picks her up and drops her on his knee (like Bane did to Batman in Dark Knight Rises), this snaps Black Widows spine and kills her. Tech throws a volley of grenades at Sabertooth and kills her. The grenades also kill his severely damaged platoon mate Echo. 

While this was going on, Pippin does what he always does, not listening to what he’s told. He looks at the bag of grenades and just can not, not look at the bag and mess with the grenades. After a few seconds of messing around with the bag he accidentally sets off one of the grenades causing all of the grenades to explode. This kills Pippin and Tech, this also causes the stands that Crosshair was set up to fall apart. Crosshair falls with the stands and lands on his neck, breaking his neck and killing him. While this is going on, Hunter grabs a piece of wood from the explosion and sneaks up on Dracula and stabs him in the chest, killing the vampire.

Hawkeye, Hunter and Wrecker run up to General Kenobi and try to beat the jedi using numbers. Kenobi holds himself up well against the three Trash Pandas due to his lightsaber fighting style #3. Though Kenobi is getting tired defending from separate enemies. Harry Potter disarms Hawkeye of his Bow and arrow so Kenobi uses the force to pull Hawkeye towards him and then stabs him in the chest with his lightsaber. With just two Trash Pandas against Kenobi, they can’t defeat Kenobi. Kenobi eventually kills them both. 

Harry Potter runs up to Gandalf the White and challenges him to a good ole fashioned wizard duel. It is quick though as Gandalf is BY FAR the superior wizard to Harry Potter. He calls down a lightning strike onto Harry Potter and kills him with ease.

After all this battling, the players left are just Gandalf the White on the Trash Pandas and Kenobi and Magneto on the Gentlemen.

Magneto starts it off by grabbing multiple I-Beams and trying to wrap Gandlaf up in what appears to be an I-Beam straight jacket. Magneto is unsuccessful though as Gandalf creates a force field to deflect the I-Beams. Kenobi runs up to Gandlaf’s force field and stabs through it with his lightsaber causing Gandalf to momentarily lose focus and bring his field down. 

Magneto begins launching volleys of various pieces of metal at Gandalf and Kenobi is attacking with multiple strikes of his lightsaber. Gandalf is dodging every attack but is getting visibly tired. He shoots a blast of fire at magneto engulfing the Mutant in flames and killing him but Kenobi then immediately stabs Gandalf in the chest with his lightsaber. 

Out of respect for Gandalf, Kenobi helps Gandalf lay on the ground gently and they give each other a nod of respect as they are both respect attitude in life of trying to be good men.

David Byrne's Meat Suits Vs. The Sigmas

 David Byrne's Meat Suits are Galactus and his Herald David Byrne, Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, and Atrocitus.

The Sigmas are Ki Adi Mundi, Qui Gon Jinn, Duncan Idaho (w/ a green lightsaber), Jordan Peterson (w/ a fire flower), Bene Gesserit #1-7, Gollum, Mon-Starr, Pit, and Satoru Gojo.  

I'm heading down to Southpark gonna have myself a time.  

 Hey, what up eff eff ellers, it's your boy The Neon Master Pogo.  Ol' Joshatu the Mega-Boomer finally dusted me off and is letting me Watch a match this season, so you already know it's gonna be a banger.  Here we go.......

Southpark Elementary is an absolute disaster.  Bullet holes, dead bodies, crying bystanders, and first responders are everywhere.  Not from The Fantasy Fantasy match of course, that hasn't even happened yet.  It is just because Southpark is the latest scene from our most recent school shooting.  It's no big deal, it happens all the time, it is just really annoying because I am trying to get set up to Watch a match here and all these people are in the way.  Per usual, the first people to show up on the scene was the media, then some sad and angry crisis actors, err....  I mean upset parents got there, followed by The FBI and a few other agencies that wished to remain unnamed, and then last and also least the local police, once they were sure it was safe.  Shortly after the police arrived two factions, one from each side of the American Political Duopoly showed up to begin their politicking.  The Left Wing always does a better job of scooping the story, leaving the Right Wing to play the victim once The Left starts talking about banning and taxing stuff that people who aren't beta cucks actually like.  In this particular case The Left has truly outdone themselves.  Deciding to bench the typical talking heads like Rachel Maddow and that pasty Keith guy that used to be on ESPN, a true Talking Head descends from the sky next to his big purple partner Galactus.  The Omnipotent Planet eater and his disembodied giant floating head Herald David Byrne make quite an entrance with musical interludes being played in-between calls for more gun control, mixed in with the usual banter about voter suppression and racial justice from a true American with a Scottish Accent.  They are also followed by a scantily clad Baddie who looks likes the Olsen twins if they hadn't forgotten about eating sixteen years ago and her special needs brother Quicksilver who is super fast.  I mean not like Flash fast or anything; but definitely quick.  I'm pretty sure his name is derived from being kinda quick; but still only getting silver in the special olympics, because Flash joined that year and decided to identify as a R-Tard and take the gold.  Last but not least, they are joined by Atrocitus.  This guy don't even mess around.  He was hand-picked by the Left Wing to persuade the people with his big red tough guy look in hopes to show that not all Liberals are whiny sissies.  It isn't working.  David Byrne and his Meat Suits enjoy a few minutes of Left Wing Media Control just like the good old days; before The Sigmas show up representing the Right Wing controlled media so the sheep watching at home can really get riled up over this fake, made-up tragedy.  I of course am calling this a fake made up tragedy because this is just a fictional FFL match.  I am certainly not suggesting that the rampant number of school shootings constantly appearing in the news are in any way fake or contrived and they definitely are not in any way planned by the government through mind control or any other means.  I mean.........  Nobody........  I mean......  Nobody.......  Would be crazy enough to think that.........  Right??........................................  Umm.  Anyways:  The Sigmas role out with the normal Fox News/Blaze crew.  Led by Jordan Peterson himself, they have a bunch of Religious zealots:  A couple of dudes with their ceremonial lightsabers at their hip and a bunch of ladies wearing long black robes.  They got a distinguished military veteran named Duncan Idaho (sounds like a dumb D & D character's name if you ask me).  But anyway, he has a distinguished military record, but is also carrying around one of those lightsabers.  Prolly just to show the flag waivers that he found the Force or something after he got sick of killing brown people and left the military.  I see they brought a little kid with a bow and arrow along to showcase how important it is to hunt with your kids not for them as well as a hunchback midget who keeps coughing his name and an Oriental dude named after that orange stuff mechanics use for hand-washing to show that the Republicans aren't just a party for The Whites and to remind us that people born in the Orient are way smarter than the rest of us.  Last but not least they have this guy named Mon-Starr.  This guy don't mess around.  He was hand-picked by The Right Wing to to persuade the people with his big, red tough guy look in hopes to show that not all Conservatives are whiny sissies.  It isn't working.  

        

The two factions of the Uniparty stay on their own side of the caution tape for a time, just sticking to their normal talking points and riling up their base; but eventually the tension becomes too much.  One last chant of "IT'S THE GUNS" and "MENTAL ILLNESS" ring out simultaneously, the caution tape snaps, and low and behold it is on like Donkey Kong.  And believe you me, when I tell you that this riot is a riot.  This ain't anything like the candle light vigils and time for togetherness moments we used to have after tragedies when I was coming up pre-911, this is a straight up Post-Covid-mOtSlY-pEaCeFuL-pent-up-lockdown-entitled-white-chick-public-school-Karen-vax-tard-wtf-happened to everyone's brain type of hysteria that only 2023 can produce.  

With the help of the seven Bene Gesserit Witches chanting and using their weirding ways with prana-bindu perfection, Satoro-Gojo teleports them all, along with Galactus to another realm where they throw down for the next century joining each other in death.  

Atrocitus squares up Mon-Starr which I am thinking is going to be one Heck of a Throw down; but I can't help but think about how much these two characters look alike.  I mean.....  Has anyone ever put two and two together and pointed this out??  Did the big, bad DC Comic Label really need to rip off The Silverhawks??  Could it be??  Just a coincidence you say??  You mean to say that Geoff Johns wasn't  influenced by the cartoons all of us Gen-Xers watched in the 80s and is still obsessing over them as a middle-aged man.....??......  I mean, he would be the only one who isn't but maybe.  Needless to say, I digress from this amazing fight that was about to go down when the two of them pull back their punches and realize that they are in fact long lost brothers from space.  Separated at birth when their parents split up when they were only toddlers, after not being able to get along over being of opposite political parties.  Fighting over 1980s politics such as Non-Smoking sections at Family restaurants, the death penalty, and whether or not "Parental Guidance Explicit Lyrics" stickers should be on all cassette tapes, or just most of them.  The two Satanic looking red monsters reach out for a hand-shake, but then bring it in for the whole thing as it turns into a full double-armed bro-hug.  They harken back to a time when people of different political views had the cognitive capacity to realize that both of their extremely biased and retarded views could simply be held as opinions, not beliefs which define who you really are.  It was a true Ronald Reagan/"Just the" Tip O' Neil kind of moment.  Like a vintage episode of Cheers; but not funny.  They decide to end this in-fighting and walk back to their two teams together as ambassadors for peace.  But the FBI Agents I mentioned earlier caught wind of this and realized how close proximity the media was.  They naturally assassinated both Atrocitus and Mon-Starr before this dangerous revelation could be made public to the mouth-breathers.  

After more FBI gun shots fill the air, the crowds all erupt into to one massive mob and all chaos ensues.  The News will refer to this chaos as "anarchy", ignoring the irony that anarchy is not the cause of chaos.  Mindless sheep controlled by big government handle that just fine.  It's like Protesters Gone Wild, without Snoop Dogg or boobs.  While the Baptists list off the people who are going to Hell (spoiler alert:  It's everyone), The Pro-Choicers burn effigies of young Moms who aren't skanks and can actually cook, Michael Moore and every chick from your College Sociology Class are screaming about how American guns made them fat, and the Q-Anon crew is busy yelling Save the Children while they hide Pit from the classic game Kid Icarus in a box labeled TRUMP 20EVER.  

Quicksilver rushes into action, running by Gollum at breakneck speed who is pushed into the crowd by the sheer velocity of the son of Magneto's foot work.  The former ring bearer gets it from both sides as he is ripped apart by both the Republicans who assume he is an immigrant and the Democrats who assume he is a fetus.  

The disembodied floating "Talking Head" of David Byrne grabs up Jordan Peterson in his mouth and carries him off to what Jordan assumes will be his death.  Truth is they were late for a joint appearance on a very trendy local podcast.  In-between shilling their new books, records, concerts, and appearances, the two of them both turned down a rolling rock and declined hitting a vape pen that totally didn't have weed in it.  They got along famously because let's face it.....  As much as I am making fun of them and the whole process because they are both goofballs sometimes, Byrne is a brilliant song writer and all around cool guy, and Peterson is usually right and pretty based most of the time.  I would totally watch this podcast and laugh as they became friends on air.  Especially if it pissed off partisans on either side.  

This just leaves us with a really pitched battle taking place in The Southpark Elementary Cafeteria between The Romanov twins Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver Versus Master Mundi and Jinn, along with Duncan Idaho.  I guess I am going to have to stop making jokes and veiled snarky political references and decide who should win this match.  I mean......  Out of Character:  Despite my not even close to serious demeanor here, these were both actually really good teams this week.  

Whilst Pit is suffocating to death in the box they forgot him in on the back axle of The Trump Unity Bridge, Qui Gon is catching the silvery quick Quicksilver with a lightsaber to the throat as Scarlet Witch is blowing up both parts of Ki Adi's binary Cerean brain.  Scarlet Witch turns to see her brother killed and flips out like someone told her she needed to cut her spending and caloric intake at Starbucks if she is going to find a good man someday.  Scarlet Witch screams:  "NO MORE SWORDSMEN" as Qui Gonn and Duncan Idaho disappear from reality; but Idaho's lightning fast reflexes get in one more quick move as he throws his Atreides dagger.  The blade leaving his hand just before he vanishes catches Wanda in the neck as she falls dead upon the body of her twin brother.  

This leaves us with only Byrne and Peterson who are told by The Podcast Host that there is breaking news.  The News of course being that they are the only two combatants left remaining and that the match would have to be settled right here on the show.  Jordan and David nod at one another and begin a philosophical debate to the death.  This lasts for hours and gets so many views that the video goes viral, despite the fact that although it got millions of clicks only six people actually watched past the first nine minutes.  They deeply discuss every possible issue and gain such a respect for one another that they eventually decide that maybe Jordan Peterson should go back to being a college professor and that David Byrne really should get back together with The Talking Heads after all these years, as long as they would do it together side by side.  Then it occurred to me that this match is really long and that in this particular incarnation of these characters that David Byrne is a Herald of Galactus and has Hella-Wicked Cosmic powers.  So he zapped him or something.  IDK.

THE END. 

Week 8 Staff Consortium: Washington Redskins vs Sigmaz

Washington Redskins: Yoda (w/ dwarf Ring #4) & Chian, Professor Xavier, Mandalore the Great (w/ The Dark saber) , Wolverine, Chuck Norris (w/ the Houslander family katana, and Wicket W. Warrick

Sigmaz: Kratos, Atreus, and Fenrir, The TMNT: Leonardo w/ Glock, Donatello w/ Glock, Michelangelo w/ Glock, and Raphael w/ Glock Ronald Mcdonald, Grimmace, Hamburgler, Officer Big Mac, Mayor McCheese, Birdie the Early Bird, Captain Crook, The Professor, and Fry Kid #1-5, The Shredder, Tokka and Razhar, and Triceratops #3-4

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Dolla 49 McRib

 Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips are Eric Cartmen (in a Hulk Buster Iron Suit), Kyle Brovlowski, Stan Marsh, Kenny McCormick, Darkseid, Granny Goodness w/ The Female Furies:  Bloody Mary, Stompa, Lashina, & Mad Harriet, and Superboy.

Dolla 49 McRib is Hades, The Technibots:  Scattershot, Lightspeed, Afterburner, Strafe, and Nosecone, The Expendables:  Barney Ross, Lee Christmas, Galgo, Yin Yang, Gunner Jensen, Doctor Death, Toll Road & John Smillee, and Runabout & Runamuck.

Week 8 Democracy: Doctor's Madhouse vs NAZA

Doctors Madhouse are Darth Vader, Invincible (Mark Grayson), Atom Eve, Dupli-Kate, Robot, Rex Splode, Allen the Alien, Hancock, Frank “Wendeezys” Metivier w/ Endless Zyn and Variety Pack of Four Lokos, Kryptonian #1-3, Predator #1-10, Yellow Lantern #3

NAZA are The Doom Patrol: Mento, Negative Man, Elastic-Girl, Robot Man, and Changeling, Suicide Squad: Amanda Waller, Harley Quinn, Killer Frost, King Shark, Alan Scott, and Bloodsport, The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, The Thing, and Human Torch, Stark Android #1-5

Sigmaz vs. Trash Pandas

 Sigmaz: Eren Yeager, 10 domestic terrorists, T3, The Shredder, Tokka and Razhar, Master Chief, Simon Belmont, Jigglypuff, The Joker, Azula Tai Lee, Mai, Kratos, Atreus, Fenrir, Goblin w/ AR15, 6 more goblins

Trash Pandas: Zaheer, Ghazan, P'Li, Ming-Hua, John Wick w/Dead Dog, Trinity, Vision, Pakku, Naruto, Amon, T-1000, Lucius Malfoy, Autobots 1-4

It was a dark cold night at Hogwarts.  Without the leader ship of Malcom X the Sigmaz have taken shelter in the Hogwarts school.  They are being led by Shredder who is nothing compared to the great Malcom X. 

The Sigmaz sent out the Domestic terrorists into the forbidden forest as scouts along with Eren Yeager, Tokka and Razhar.  Upon searching the forest they come upon someone.  It's a man in a suit holding a dead dog.

"Did you do this" says Mr. Wick

"Rada rada rada" says the domestic terrorists as we have no clue what they are saying in their language.

John Wick starts an onslaught of the terrorists.  It is something they have never seen before.  Their ak47 training was not enough for the assassin.  John Wick wiped out all of the terrorists.

Eren Yeager with ODM gear makes move at John Wick which he evades.  He begins to run deeper into the forbidden forest.  He can't make it far with Yeager having ODM gear, but he just needs to make it a little further.  John Wick is finally hit.  Yeager got him in the back and was ready to execute him.  That is until he realizes its a trap and he was lead to the rest of the Trash Pandas.

Yeager quickly transforms into a titan because that is his only chance to make it out alive.  While doing so he crushes the body of John Wick.  The noise of Eren turning into a titan causes Tokka and Razhar to come to his aid.

Eren quickly destroys the autobots of the Trash Pandas rendering them useless in battle.  The airbenders of the Trash Pandas quickly take to the defense.

"Shadow Clone Jitsu" yells out Naruto

Over 50 shadow clones quickly appear.  Eren is confused on who the real Naruto is.  The attacks are coming quick and Eren has to take the defense.  Naruto knows how to take the titan down.  The real Naruto waits for his chance and uses his Kunai to slice open the nape of the Titan.  What Eren didn't realize is Naruto upon cutting the nape left an explosive tag which then explodes killing the Giant titan.

The airbenders made quick work of Tokka and Razhar.

"Forward to the school" screams Naruto

Arriving at the school. Azula, Tai Lee, and Mai are guarding the entrance.

Zaheer says "you guys go on ahead, we can take on the benders"

Zaheer and the other air benders stay back to duke it with the og air benders.  The legend of Korra squad comes out on top but only Zaheer surviving.

Trinity and Vision destroy the lonely Jigglypuff with no remorse.  This pissed off Kratos who went berzerk taking the heads of both Trinity and Vision with his blades of Chaos.

Lucius Malfoy is met by some goblins who stood no chance against someone on their home turf.  The wizard was ruthless and began casting forbidden spells leaving nothing but a pile of dust from the goblins.  Simon Belmont and Master Chief try to counter attack but the wizard is to powerful for them.  Malfoy began to torture the two in order to find the rest of the Sigmaz but the two would not give up their comrades.  

All while this is happening we got a terminator fight going down.  T3 and T100 begin to box it out.  Trading blows.  The advanced technology showing its power.  Once again T3 gets the upper hand on t1000 just like in terminator 2.  Just like the movie though the damage had been done to t3 and he falls over and dies.

This leaves Kratos, Atreus and Fenrir to fend off Naruto.  Naruto and his shaddow clones continue to confuse the enemy but that's all it could do.  They were able to fend them all off leaving just the real Naruto.  He quickly makes a few more shadow clones to pull off the Rasenshuriken.  This kills Atreus and Fenrir.  Leaving a furious Kratos.  Kratos quickly jumps to Naruto.  They begin to fight.  Kratos and his anger begin to take the upper hand as Naruto is gassed from the work he already put in.  

Kratos about to end Naruto's life is blinded by anger and doesn't realize who just walked in.

"Avada Kedavara" says Malfoy.

Kratos is killed by the dark killing curse.

The Joker and Shredder are seen trying to escape.

"Imperio" yells Malfoy

Under the curse Malfoy makes the two fight to the death with Shredder coming out victorious.  He then makes the leader jump off the top of hogwarts to his death.

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM

 Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips are The Flash, Sarumon the White, Hermione Granger, Agent Smith (w/ 2 white lightsabers), He-Man and Battle Cat, Ron Weasaly on a Quidditch Broom, Miss Martian, Wonder Girl, Arsenal, & Black Widows #3-5.

TEAM is Alex Houslander, Laya Houslander, Scarlet Houslander, Grayson Houslander, Thanos, Maw, Mace Windu, Thor, Thunderstrike, The Mandalorian, Grogu, The Oracle, and Seraph w/ The Magic School Bus.  

 Many an epic match have begun with the title of The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM.  The true O.G. rivalry of The Fantasy Fantasy League.  Michigan Vs. Ohio State, Yankees Vs. The Red Sox, Lakers Vs. Celtics, Horsemen Vs. TEAM.  Reboots do nothing to change a perfect mix of hatred and respect that exists deep within true rivalries.  

On the way to Hogwarts, the young Alex Houslander speaks to his TEAMmates.  Very interested in the history between these two great franchises.  Conversations abound inside the Magic School as they approach Hogwarts, Alex works as a great hype man for the TEAM with many chants of "LET'S GO" and "YOU ALREADY KNOW", complete with chest thumping and mean tweets about The Horsemen being "straight up trash".  Thanos stands up and exclaims that no matter what happens:  "Darkseid IS MINE", followed by Thor reminding his TEAMmates that his hammer and Supergirl have "unfinished business".  No one questions the Mad Titan or The god of Thunder as they get closer to the school that will soon be a battlefield.  The drive is short, but the memories of those on TEAM are long.  This match shall be one for the annals of The Fantasy Fantasy League.

As The Magic School Bus whimsically rolls into Hogwarts, the Horsemen waste no time defending their school.  The TEAMmembers come rolling out of the bus with military precision in an attempt to get inside the school as quickly as possible as they had planned; but Miss Martian, Wonder Girl, and Arsenal are there to battle with the Bus itself as soon as they arrive.  Everyone on TEAM exits the bus except for Laya and her two youngest siblings.  They were supposed to lend back up from the magic bus itself once the TEAM made it inside; but that plan is ruined right away as the Martian, the marksmen, and the amazon who methodically dodge the attacks of the bus and break it apart piece by piece in a time consuming but well executed attack.  

As the TEAMmembers get inside, The Oracle feels the presence of the one meant to destroy the Matrix, before Agent Smith leaps out of a painting on the wall and attacks.  The Oracle takes cover; but perfectly throws a random spell book off of the ground at Smith knocking one of his white lightsabers out of his hands.  Seraph picks it up and an amazing and well-pitched lightsaber battle ensues between Smith and Seraph.  The fight appears choreographed in its perfection; but as referenced in Matrix lore Agent Smith is ratioed by Seraph who has beat him before.  The protector of that which is most important sends a lightsaber through the throat of the lead Agent.  

The Mandalorian finds himself surrounded by the three black widows, and it is looking like he may be in trouble until Grogu gives a force push towards the three chicks to distract them.  This gives Din the opportunity to use his whistling birds weapon and take out all three assassins at once.  

He-Man is off of Battle Cat and going toe to toe with Thunderstrike.  The man of midgard raises his hammer and calls upon the power of Thor and Odin blowing a hole through the floor and knocking He-Man into it.  The power of Thor rushes through Thunderstrike's whole body; but He-Man is a master of the universe and "HAS THE POWER" as well.   He-Man leaps out of the crevice with the Sword of Power drawn and knocks the human embodiment of Marvel's Thor to the ground with his shield.  He-Man then plunges the sword of Grey Skull into the chest of Thunderstrike.  

Master Mace Windu stumbles into an eery looking classroom to find two young students practicing spells and deep in their studies.  Mace is not at all threatened at first but that quickly changes as Ron and Hermione leap into action.  Mace is powerful; but taken off guard by the spells of the teenagers and does not quite know how to combat them.  He deflects or dodges 90% of the attacks but it is not enough.  With some carefully timed uses of Expelliarmus as well as Petrificus Totalus Master Windu eventually falls to the two young wizards.  

Sarumon the White fights through the telekinetic attacks of Maw and blasts some wicked white light into the face of the cosmic space thug, blowing his head clean off; but this sets off Thanos' rage as he avenges his psuedo-son by ripping Sarumon in two.  

The reason He-Man was without Battle Cat in his battle against Thunderstrike was that the big mean cat was being petted by Laya and her fellow cat whisperer siblings Scarlet and Grayson.  Although they all stop for a moment as Laya tries to get Barry Allen's autograph as he is zooming by.  This does not turn out well as the trio along with their new pet all become trapped in the speed force.

Alex TEAMs up with Mando against two DC bros Arsenal and The Flash.  Mando loses his gun when Arsenal hits it out of his armored hand with a perfectly placed arrow.  The two begin battling hand to hand when The Flash rushes in and sends a flurry of DC's second hardest punches into Mando breaking through his beskar armor and destroying his organs, during the commotion, Alex is able to roll onto the ground, grab Mando's dropped pistol and put a few laser blasts into the chest of Arsenal.  

Thanos is still pissed that he doesn't get to try out his skills against Darkseid who is evidently still at home at Horsemen headquarters riding the bench.  So instead, having done his DC research goes after Wonder Woman.  Obsessed, with taking out one of DC's finest, Thanos doesn't realize that he isn't snapping the neck of Wonder Woman, but her sidekick Wonder Girl instead.  

He-Man brushes the beautiful golden blonde hair away from his face and sees the god of Thunder out of the corner of his eye.  Planning to duplicate his feat from earlier, He-Man rushes in with the same battle plan he used against Thunderstrike.  The Prince of Eternia does not fair quite as well against the true son of Odin though and is over-powered by his bursts of lightning and finished off by a smack to the top of the head by the hammer of Thor.  

Ron is casting spells and flying around on his broom, driving Seraph crazy, when The Oracle protector leaps off of a moving staircase and drop kicks the kid off of the broom, knocking him to the ground.  Winded from the fall Seraph finishes the deed on Ron as he pummels him.  But alas, Seraph may have accomplished this task but he has failed in his prime objective as he notices that as he is finishing his fight that Hermione has blasted the Oracle down into the dungeon depths of Hogwarts, wiping her program from existence.  

Grogu decides to get serious about being a Jedi Mandalorian like he does in every third episode or so and definitely every season finale.  He does a cute face and then does a mean face, then does another cute face while raising up his right hand to do something powerful; but Miss Martian is already caught up on all her Disney Plus shows and knows the gimmick.  She picks up Grogu and smashes him into green goo.  

The rest of The Horsemen and the rest of TEAM meet up in the cafeteria for their final showdown.  Thanos stands center stage ready to take all comers and it is he that The Horsemen move towards first.  They know that they must stick together and combine their powers if they are going to eliminate The Mad Titan from this equation.  The Flash, Hermione, and Miss Martian move in to triple team Thanos and the epic battle begins.  Hermione takes point and leads the charge; but the rest of TEAM move in to help Thanos.  A barrage of speedy punches do a number on Thanos; but Thor sends a potent blast of lightning into the speed force blasting The Flash to bits.  Barry makes sure that the explosion that gets him is directed towards Thanos as well, who then redirects that power into a cosmic blast that shatters Hermione's wand as well as her spine.  Miss Martian in a last ditch effort tries to embody her own character and go full evil white person revealing her true white devil persona; but her mean white head is knocked clean off by the hammer of Thor.  

Thanos lay dying, while Alex Houslander approaches Thor and asks:  "Wow, Thor.  Nice shot.  Do you think we have a chance to make the play-offs still"??

"Aye" Thor begins to reply; but Seraph chimes in instead:

"It matters not.  Our season just became a success".

Week 7 - Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: Doctor's Madhouse vs Dolla 49 McRib

Doctor’s Madhouse: Albus Dumbledore, Lord Voldemort, Draco Malfoy, Darth Vader, Batman, Robin, Alfred w/ Yellow Double Lightsaber, Nightwing, Batgirl, Catwoman, Kid Flash, Yellow Lantern #3, Clone Trooper #1-10

Dolla 49 McRib: King pin, Proffesor McGonagall, Spectre, Sentry, Navy Seals #1-10, 10 Mandalorians, Darth Malak, Dr Strange, Atreides Soldier #1-10, Harkonnen Soldiers #1-10, Deadmen of Dunharrow #1-10, Terminator #1-5

Albus Dumbledore and the rest of the Doctor’s Madhouse are already set up shop in Hogwarts. Dumbledore, Batman, and Darth Vader are having a spirited conversation in the Great Hall about abortion over a delicious meal. 

Every few seconds there’s a “fuck them kids” from Vader whilst Batman wants to adopt every potential aborted fetus to create an assassin army so he can retire; and Dumbledore, a known boomer crazed diddler, is strongly against abortion as he wants as many opportunities and openings as possible.

Draco is immediately questioning the crowd he’s accompanied with as he hears every bit of their loud drunken chatter outside the Great Hall’s doors. 

Kid Flash is zooming through the castle at blazing speeds checking for any members of Dollar 49 McRib as Knightwing, Batgirl, and Robin swing down the staircases throughout the school doing the same. 

Voldemort, furious that he has to follow the orders of Dumbledore, is patrolling the outside castle walls with the remaining commons of the madhouse awaiting an attack from Dolla 49 McRib any minute now.

Dolla 49 McRib enters the scene and drops down in the Forbidden Forest from a sling ring courtesy of Dr. Strange. They silently cruise through the trees as they wipe the BBQ sauce off their face from their McDonald’s catering party in the locker room; which they quickly realized was not the best pre game meal. 

King Pin was suffering so bad that he lost the will to walk from pure obesity and attempted to scream “Business is Boomin” as the McRibs left him behind in the forest while he slowly died from the worst food coma known to man, and they begun their journey. 

Navy Seal #10 wanted all the smoke when he challenged Navy Seal #1 to a swimming contest with the remaining Seals standing by as audience and were to not join the battle; but were seen swimming the surrounding waters of Hogwarts throughout the skirmish. Little did they know they would become the dinner of a gang of Symphonic Amphibians camping there. 

The Spectre flies high above the trees to scout and immediately sees that Yellow Lantern #3 and the Clone Troopers of Dr’s Madhouse are taking the initiative. 

Yellow Lantern #3’s Lantern Ring glows like a star as it sees the Dead Men of Dunharrow and feels the fear they endure. He consumes the souls of the 10 Dead Man and looks for more, as bloodlusted as can be. He then makes quick work of all 10 Atreides Soldiers before The Spectre says no more and turns his ring to dust, making the common fall to his death; the Clone Troopers quickly follow his lead when the Spectre turns them into leaves that gently fall to the ground as Dolla 49 proceeds through the forest. 

Proffesor McGonagall leads the way on the ground and is frightened by the sight of Voldemort but proceeds as they have him severely out numbered. The McRib’s technique and speed helped them get past Voldy fairly easily with only losing the lives of all 5 Terminators and and the Mandalorians whose armor was attracted to the fierce lightning of Voldemort’s wand leading them to death. 

They barge into Hogwarts with no regard to how prepared their Combatants were as McGonogall catches a punch coming in at 700 MPH from Kid Flash launching her 50 feet out the door. Kid Flash then makes quick work of all 10 Harkonnen Soldiers and sends Dr. Strange into a frenzy before Strange teleports him over top of Darth Malak who ignites his lightsaber through his heart. 

Knightwing, Robin, and Batgirl prounce onto the scene and look to get to work but are outmatched by Dr. Strange’s Sorcery and Sentry’s raw strength leaving them bloodied as they make their way through the South Wing and up the grand staircase.

Catwoman’s dumbass has been doing Makeup through the Library Annex mirrors this entire time and kills herself because she comes to the realization that her hobby is reliant on the worst possible house pet in the world and that she is the inferior gender thus having no reason to continue with her useless pathetic life.

Darth Vader feels a disturbance in the force and him and Batman are delighted to see some action when they rush out of the great halls and see the remaining McRib’s scrambling. They’re 7 butter bears in but they are absolutely ready to cook some fools. 

Batman sees the knock off Superman in Sentry and starts cackling before sending a Radion Bullet through his cranium leaving his brains splattered across his mortified teammates. 

Vader tosses his lightsaber aside and uses both his hand to pick up Darth Malak and rip him in half with the force to let em know he HIM and it ain’t close. 

Dr. Strange tries his best but is quickly overwhelmed by Vader and Batman’s sluggish and drunken yet lethal and experienced combat.

The Spectre, watching this whole battle play out and deciding not to intervene, becomes translucent and makes his way towards Dumbledore in the Great Hall. As Albus is having his stache patted dry by Alfred he’s startled by Spectre’s sudden appearance out of thin air. 

The Spectre slowly walks toward Dumbledore and Alfred and retorts. “One way or another, I’m getting this W. For I am god. “

Dumbledore gets up, stumbling. “You don’t get it. I built this place. Down here I make the rules. Down here I make the threats. Down here… I’M GOD.”

Draco, Vader, and Batman come rushing in as they hear Dumbledore cast “Avada Kadavra”.

Even The Spectre couldn’t have predicted this use of dark magic, as he vanished immediately in disbelief.

Albus stood there disappointed in himself, but knew it’s what had to be done. 

They rip celebratory darts and talk about Zach’s dummy thicc dumpy until sun rise.

Week 7 Staff Consortium: League of Heterosexual Gentlemen vs David Byrne's Meat Suits

Heteros: Harry Potter, Bellatrix Lestrange, Professor Mogonagal, Dracula w/power ring, General Kenobi, Sabertooth, Avatar Aang, Hordack, Gannon

Meat Suits: Kosa-Yin Hadu, Nazgul #6 on his Fell Beast, Shao Khan, Unalaq, Desna, and Eska, Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, Sagat, Denethor, Uruk-Hai #1-10, Stormtroopers #1-5, Rocky Balboa, Pee-Wee Herman, Robert Oswald, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Abe Lincoln, Pope Emeritus Benedict in a suit of Armor, Magwai #1-10, Big Bird and Snuffalufagus, Sandy of Sandy's, The Creeper, Serena and Manion Butler, Benedict Arnold, Gary Habkirk, Airbenders #1-4, Dr. Robert Neville and his dog, John Conner, Axel Foley