The Syracuse Valley vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Mi

I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 5 Match: The Syracuse Valley vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

I look into Asteroid 2B; the locker room for The Syracuse Valley. The Syracuse Valley is Soundwave with Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Lazerbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawk Talk, Beast Box, (movie) Frenzy, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, (movie) Jazz, Xenomorphs #86-99, Scooter, Crasher, Dash Rendar, Leebo, Bossk, Darth Rave (Sith Lord #4), Star Fox in an Arwing, Raiden, Kid Thunder, Master Chief, Sonic the Hedgehog, Tails, Knuckles, Nightcrawler, Baby Nightcrawler, TMNT: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, Casey Jones, Zitz, Rash, Pimple, Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, Venom, Rayne, Wald, Wonder Boy, Doogle, Rob Bartlett, Mr. Game and Watch, Sockpin, Jedi Guardian #3 and Jedi Padawan #37, Wingnut and Screwloose, Kree #1-6, Fire Bros. #1 and 2, Little Goombas #3-5, Treasure Troll #4, & Navy Sailor #60.

Sockpin: I cannot wait to get out there in space and kick some butt!

Doogle: That’s right Sock! We’re the men!!!

Leebo: I believe “doofuses” would be the proper vernacular describing your status on this team.

I then look into Asteroid which is not 2B; the locker room for The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Mighty Mouse, Mighty Mousette, Mangy Mouse, Gas Gopher, Katma Tui, Salaak, Amantia, Larvox, Ch'p, Dr. Ub'x, Green Lantern #3, Quasar, Superboy, Thundercracker, Omega Supreme, Widget, Air Zonk, Astra, Power Dump, Power Glide, Adam Warlock, Beppo, Vampire #100. Beachcomber, Smart Grimlock, Mr. Mxyzpltplk, Magneto, Toad, Hermes, Wicket W. Warrick, Wonder Man, Raichu, Capt. N, Duke, Pit, Titanus, Blue Devil, X-23, Artie and Leach, Rogue, Longshot, Psylocke, Durge and Ancient Ginaz Swordsman #1.

Warlock: Our team was specifically created by our eminent owner to destroy all others in space.

Longshot: This should be a piece of cake!

Superboy: Don’t get cocky. Speaking of . . . where’s Power Dump?

Blue Devil: In the bathroom. Hey! [shouts around the corner] Don’t forget to light a match and spray!!!

I transport the teams to an asteroid field in open space. I allow those on each team who need protective gear to have it.

The first two warriors to meet are Ancient Ginaz Swordsman #1 and Navy Sailor #60. Navy Sailor #60’s knowledge of “water” weightlessness assists him as his body adjusts to the zero gravity. Unfortunately, the Swordsman’s skills are more than a match for Sailor #60. Although the Sailor first manages to duck the slashes, Ginaz #1’s swordsmanship eventually opens the flight suit. Navy Sailor #60’s suit decompresses and he freezes to death. Wald sees his teammate die and jumps to the asteroid where the battle just took place. Wald floats and charges at the Swordsman. Ginaz #1 easily kills Wald, slicing the rodian’s head off. Master Chief spots the Ginaz from the asteroid he is stationed at. His sharp shooting skills come in handy as he presses the trigger to his rifle. Ginaz #1 takes the weapon’s projectile in the face and Ginaz #1 dies. As the Halo protagonist gets up from his position he is jumped by Hermes. With his quick reactions and godlike powers, Hermes repeatedly strikes Master Chief. Hermes stands over Master Chief, victorious and ready for the final blow. As Hermes is about to kill Master Chief, Chief pulls the pins out of his photon grenade pack. Master Chief, Hermes and the asteroid that the two are on, explode into a million pieces. Both Master Chief and Hermes are instantly killed by the blast.

Wicket W. Warrick meets Treasure Troll #4 on a small flotilla of rock. Wicket spears Treasure Troll #4 through the heart. Treasure Troll #4’s suit (due to the hole) jettisons him off the rock. He dies in space, his hair and stupid grin frozen in place. In response to their teammate’s death, Little Goombas #3-5 attack Wicket. Wicket manages to kill Goomba #4, but Goombas #3 and #5 kill Wicket. Air Zonk, Astra, Power Dump and Power Glide gang up on the Goombas. They eventually manage to kill both Goomba #3 and 5. The Fire Brothers #1 and 2 come to the scene. Their fireball projectiles are having trouble due to the lack of air in space. Nonetheless, the Fire Brothers manage to incinerate Astra. The sheer power of Power Dump and Power Glide is shown for all to see as they take out Fire Brothers #1 and 2.

On a nearby asteroid all four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, along with Casey Jones are fighting Green Lantern #3. Green Lantern #3 sees Casey Jones coming at him with a Louisville Slugger. In response, Green Lantern #3 uses his ring to project a bat. The Lantern smashes Jones off the asteroid. Jones’ body strikes a rock nearby and he dies. The combined ninja-skills of the Turtles eventually manage to destroy the corpsman and Green Lantern #3 dies, with various ninja weapons sticking out of his body.

Doogle, Rob Bartlett and Sockpin jump from asteroid to asteroid, laughing along the way. The three meet Beppo, the Super-Monkey. The video dorks and Mr. Bartlett think the monkey looks like easy prey. Beppo, being a monkey, becomes enraged at the threat of three measly humans thinking they can take him out. Beppo lays an extremely large turd and begins to throw its poop at Doogle. Doogle screams as he becomes covered in the super-monkey doo-doo. Sockpin and Bartlett laugh. While distracted with the poop, Beppo comes upon Doogle and tears his face off. Thinking this action amusing, Beppo rushes at Sockpin. He brutalizes Sockpin by biting his feet off and ripping his arms from Sockpin’s torso. With Doogle and Sockpin dead, Bartlett jumps off the asteroid. As he flies away, he is met by Vampire #100. Vampire #100 uses her powers to overcome Bartlett. Bartlett thinks of how he is being “seduced,” just as Bella was seduced by Edward in ‘Twilight,’ only in reverse. Bartlett smiles as he knows that if he becomes a vampire, he can get as many women he wants, although he will settle for the love of his life – Fred Baker. Vampire #100, her thirst quenched, does not see Rayne floating toward her, until the stake is through its heart. Vampire #100 explodes into a cloud of dust. Rayne herself turns around and is met by Rogue. The battle is fierce, but the mutant eventually bests the vampire hunter. Rayne is killed.

Jedi Guardian #3 & Jedi Padawan #37 are standing ready for a skirmish with Durge. Durge uses all of his weapons on the Jedi. Since the Jedi are not full Masters, they are no match for the bounty hunter. Durge kills both Jedi Guardian #3 & Jedi Padawan #37. Darth Rave floats upon the asteroid, a specter of darkness. But for the lightsaber’s ignition, Durge would not have notice Rave. Rave slices through Durge’s arm. The arm reattaches itself to Durge’s body. Rave then slices and dices his enemy. Rave uses the force to scatter Durge’s remains so that they cannot recombine with one another. Pieces of Durge float throughout the field.

Mighty Mouse, Mighty Mousette, and Mangy Mouse take on the Battle Toads, Zitz, Rash and Pimple. The Toads manage to overpower Mangy Mouse, who is killed. The combined powers of the super-mice eventually manage to kill Zit, Rash and Pimple. The Lanterns Ch’p and Dr. Ub’x then face off against the Mighty Mouses. It is an epic battle of super mice against alien squirrels. Ch’p uses his ring to ensnare Mighty Mousette. Ch’p then draws the encasement inward and crushes Mighty Mousette. Enraged that his mate has been taken from him, Mighty Mouse brutally beats Ch’p to his death. Ub’x, with Mighty Mouse distracted, manages to kill Mighty Mouse with a giant ring-created trap. Mighty Mouse squeals as the trap shuts and cuts his head off.

Gas Gopher creates bubbles to trap Mr. Game and Watch. The icons float in space, encased as their mouse teammates were before them. Capt. N, Duke and Pit use this to their advantage and destroy Mr. Game and Watch while still in their bubbles. The trio then focus on Beavis, Butthead and Buttchunk. The beasts battle and Duke manages to kill Buttchunk. Beavis and Butthead, miraculously light Duke on fire. The two morons scream “Fire!” repeatedly in a frenzy of ecstasy. Capt. N. and Pit, enraged at their companion’s death, snap the necks of Beavis and Butthead. Wonder Boy then comes upon Gas Gopher and kills him.

On the same asteroid (other side) Raichu tackles Sonic the Hedgehog, Tails and Knuckles. Raichu uses his electricity to fry Tails. Only focused on Tails, Sonic and Knuckles manage to beat Raichu to death. The other videogame icons on the Midgets: Capt. N, Pit, Air Zonk, Power Dump and Power Glide face off against the Valley’s icons: Sonic, Knuckles, and Wonder Boy. As the battle is about to begin, Star Fox in the Arwing flies at the battlefield and strafes the combatants. The repeated fire instantly tears apart the bodies of Capt. N, Pit, Air Zonk, Power Dump and Power Glide. Sonic, Wonder Boy and Knuckles waive to their savior. Blood then flows through space as X-23 slashes and kills them with her claws. X-23 then propels herself and reaches the Arwing. Although Star Fox tries to shake her off, X-23’s claws hold firm. X-23 manages to slash the fuel tanks. X-23 then destroys the jettison latch so that Star Fox is trapped in the vehicle. The Arwing, out of control, crashes, taking Star Fox with it.

The Star Wars trio for the Valley: Dash Rendar, Leebo, Bossk are in a fight with Wonder Man and Widget. Widget manages to disrupt the sensory intake of Leebo, who blows up. Rendar and Bossk then react and repeatedly fire upon Widget. Their accuracy and repeated attacks destroy Widget. Wonder Man then uses his superhuman abilities to kill both Rendar and Bossk.

The TMNTs come upon Blue Devil. The Devil uses his superhuman strength and powers to kill Donatello and Michelangelo. The other Turtles are forced to retreat by using their ninja abilities to float toward the next asteroid. On the asteroid they are met with Grimlock and Titanus. Leonardo and Raphael are torn apart by the mechanical monsters. Meanwhile back at the Blue Devil’s asteroid, Venom comes upon the blue superhuman and kills him. Venom then sees Mr. Mxyzptlk, floating around. Venom comes from behind and tears his limbs off. Mxyzptlk is smart, but not too smart to become a match for an alien symbiote’s ferocity.

In space, Adam Warlock meets his Kree #1-6 brethren. Warlock manages to kill Kree # 2-4. Kree #1 and # 5-6 fly away and wait for an opportunity to strike again. Warlock does not want to miss this opportunity of finishing the Kree off since he has them on the run. As Warlock is flying, he does not see Darth Rave lurking behind a small field of debris. As Warlock races toward the Kree, Rave juts his arm out and slices Warlock in half. The Kree look back and see Warlock halved by Rave. Thinking themselves safe, they fail to notice Superboy who uses his abilities to kill the remaining Kree, #1, 5-6.

Nightcrawler and Baby Nightcrawler teleport to Toad. Toad chokes Baby to death with his tongue. Nightcrawler teleports repeatedly and strikes Toad over and over until he is bloody road kill. Psylocke sees Nightcrawler, and with her psychic kitana, manages to run him through. Longshot, X-23 and Rogue join with Psylocke. Xenomorphs #86-99 come crawling out of the asteroid’s crevices and take Longshot by surprise. They quickly dispatch with Longshot. Psylocke, X-23 and Rogue, on the other hand, manage to take out and kill all of the Xenomorphs #86-99.

Titanus and Smart Grimlock find Scooter and Crasher. The Gobots are no match for the Transformers and Scooter and Crasher are easily destroyed by the mechanical beasts. Titanus and Grimlock then look to space and see Megatron and Starscream approaching. The battle is fierce, but Megatron and Starscream manage to destroy The mechanized Midgets.

Quasar, Katma Tui, Salaak, Amantia, Larvox, and Dr. Ub'x come together, using their combined cosmic and lantern powers to dispatch Raiden and Kid Thunder. They then take out Venom.

The aliens Wingnut and Screwloose focus on easy prey. It does not take long for them to kill the two mutant children, Artie and Leech. X-23, Rogue and Psylocke manage to kill Wingnut and Screwloose, but are set upon by Darth Rave. Rave duels with Psylocke and takes her head off with his lightsaber. He also manages to amputate Rogue’s left leg off. Rogue is mortally wounded, seeing the blood trickle from the wound in space. Rogue eventually bleeds out and dies. Rave is met by Superboy and Wonder Man. The Sith is no match for their combined powers and is soon killed by both.

The Valley’s Transformers come together in an all-out assault. X-23 takes out Frenzy. In retaliation, although a battle to the end, Starscream rips X-23 apart. They are met by the remaining Midget team. Beppo takes out movie Frenzy. Beachcomber joins Thundercracker in their assault on Laserbeak, Squawk Talk and Beast Box. The Midgets destroy the three. In response, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest and Soundwave destroy Thundercracker and Beachcomber. Quasar and Wonder Man then manage to destroy Buzzsaw, Soundwave with Rumble and Overkill. Megatron, Starscream and Jazz come together and with a combined effort kill Quasar and Wonder Man. Ravage, Ratbat, Slugfest, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, and (movie) Jazz then focus on the other Midget force. They manage to kill Katma Tui, Amantia, Larvox, and Dr. Ub'x.

Although outnumbered, Superboy, Magneto, Salaak, Omega Supreme and Beppo are more than a match for the remaining Valley members. A furious and epic battle rages on as Magneto, Superboy and Omega Supreme lead the charge. Megatron, Starscream and Jazz lead the charge for the Valley.

When the asteroid field’s debris rises and I am able to see again, I note:

The Syracuse Valley: All dead.

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: Omega Supreme, Superboy, Magneto and Beppo survive.

THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!!!