Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. George Washington's Slaves

Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos are Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Gen. Grevious, Albus Dumbledore, Agamemnon & Juno, Bizarro Superman, Lazarus Long & Astro-Droid #19 in a Y-Wing, Xerxes, Dante, The Herculoids: Zandar, Tarra, Dorno, Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Gloop, & Gleep, Tlaloc, Ms. Marvel, Maxima, Black Adam, Parallax, Dr. Fate, Mary Marvel, Warf in an Ornithopter, Kaja Sinis, & Ben Kenobi, Vorian Atreides, Bail Organa, Xavier Harkonen, Astro-Droid #20, Dora the Explorer, Back Pack, Boots, The Map, & Dozer #1 in a 327 Nubian, The Deluxe Insecticons: Venom, Ransack, Barrage, & Chop Shop, Willow Rosenberg, & Bryan Beckerman in The Wild Goose.

George Washington’s Slaves are Jason Bourne in an Exo-Suit, Trinity in the Bat-Copter, Wedge Antilles & Adm. Ackbar in a Stealth Bomber, Amazo, Arisia, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Cassandra Nova, Colossus, Connor McLeod, Cthulu, Dare the Terminator, Darth Plaguis, Duncan Idaho Ghola #7, Inspector Gadget, Ki Adi Mundi, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Optimus Prime w/ Roller, Sandworm #15, Shaak Ti, Super Soldier, T-1000, Jedi Master #1, & Yoda.


Although The Commandos are split into several different factions, once Barack, Hannah, & Doom all spoke at the rally after their first ever play-off win the team’s spirit is now very united, at least for the time being. George Washington gave only one short and solemn speech to his troops where he laid out his battle plan. He made it very clear to his team that in his opinion, it is imperative to take out Dave Bowman early if they are going to be victorious. “I’ve seen the Commandos wrap up way to many matches this season with Bowman just simply flying in”. Washington said to his starters before the match. As the match begins Loki, Darth Plaguis, & Amazo stay close to one another. For it is the 3 of them who have been given the difficult assignment of taking out The Starchild. Likewise, Dave Bowman was instructed by his team’s leaders that Amazo, after his amazing Play-Off debut needed to be stopped if the Commandos were going to advance to The Universe Bowl. The Cymeks have been entrusted with the task of taking out Sandworm #15 which is how this match begins. Tlaloc leads his 5 Titans into battle where they stay on the edge of the built up city area of The Play-Off Planet safe from the territorial attacks of the massive worm. Tlaloc as the valiant leader of the Titan Cymeks volunteers to be the one to go in first and draw out the worm so the others can attack it, but Agamemnon suggests that they send in Xerxes instead. Xerxes flies in and lands with a thud in the center of the sand. Within seconds Sandworm #15 pops out of the sand ready to destroy everything in its path. Xerxes prepares his weapons systems to defend himself but the worm is even more powerful and imposing than even the Cymeks expected. Shai Halud crushes the mighty Cymek as if he was a Volkswagen, but as he does Tlaloc and Agamemnon order the attack. The 4 remaining Cymeks not only unleash their fury of ultra advanced weaponry on the worm, but Agamemnon also engages the massive bomb that he secretly had his handlers install on Xerxes. Between this atomic explosion underneath the belly of the worm and the array of ranged attacks the mighty worm is destroyed. Dante uses his external speakers to say to his fellow Titans “To bad for old Xerxes”, but Agamemnon replies with “yes, I guess he finally served a purpose”. Jason Bourne in his Exo-Suit is about the same size as Gen. Grevious, which is why the 2 of them make for a great match up. Bourne was a little weary of Gen. Washington’s plan to put him in the Transformer designed suit but Jason is actually surprised as to how much he likes it. The suit, despite the fact that it may appear bulky still allows Bourne to perform even the swiftest fighting moves. Grevious separates his 2 arms and draws out 4 lightsabers before he rushes at Bourne. Bourne is able to dodge the attacks of most of the lightsaber swings but some of them do hit him, causing minor damage to the Exo-suit. The 2 combatants battle fiercely in the city streets, as they both knock each other down repeatedly. Bourne melts away part of Grevious’ protective chest covering with his welding torch but can’t seem to break thru to the beating heart. Grevious manages to get in a double lightsaber swing that takes out Bourne’s clear plaz head guard but Bourne sees the move coming and ducks under it by hitting the emergency escape button in the suit and popping out of the bottom. Bourne does a backward somersault to safety and then from his knee takes aim at Grevious’ exposed chest with his 9mm Sig Saur P226 (9mm is the issued round on The Slaves for some gay reason). Bourne quadruple taps his pistol and puts enough lead into the already damaged chest cavity to finish off the Cyborg. Wedge flying in the Stealth Bomber is reminded of his early days as a 12 year old kid on Alderon when he first how to fly the basic everyday transports. Adm. Ackbar, who has spent time in numerous different aircraft throughout his life, is not enjoying it quite as much. Despite Ackbar being a rather skilled pilot in his own right, he has trouble getting used to the way Wedge can instantly find new ways to push a craft to its absolute limit of maneuverability and speed. Warf is flying low over the wooded area of the play-off planet when Wedge flies in out of nowhere. Warf attempts to take evasive action at the perfect time but it is not his flying skills that are the problem. The craft Warf is in is just simply not armored, equipped, or fast enough to get away from a stealth, especially one that is being flown by Wedge. As Wedge puts the craft into the perfect position, Ackbar easily targets the Ornithopter out of the air with the plane’s .50 caliber machine guns. Parallax wishes to attack Arisia, but before he can he is stopped by her teammate and good friend Martian Manhunter. Parallax uses his powers to create an enormous spear to hurl at the Manhunter but John Jonnz phases thru it. Parallax then tries to break into the mind of his opponent but double M fights back with his own telepathic powers. Parallax forms a fear construct around Martian Manhunter to make him think that he is surrounded by fire but Jonnz fights thru the vision that he knows cannot be reality. Martian Manhunter overpowers Parallax and destroys him in a battle that takes place almost entirely in the minds of the combatants. Yoda squares off against Black Adam, but…….. Well, that is just too good of a fight, so we’ll save it for later. Cassandra Nova focuses her abilities on searching out a powerful member of The Commandos. She waits for the right moment to strike in a way that will go unnoticed to the one she is attacking, knowing that once she does it some of the other more powerful members of The Commandos will take a more defensive posture against her attacks. She unleashes her power and instantly mind blocks Dr. Fate to kill him instantly and shock both teams with this amazing display of power. Cassandra Nova then mentally attacks Maxima, but Maxima creates a force field which temporarily holds back Nova’s powers. Maxima offers up her own telepathic attack on Cassandra; but Cassandra, in a metaphysical form does her best to block it. Maxima begins to break thru but she realizes that she can’t win an all out mental battle with Cassandra Nova. Maxima flies in to attack Cassandra physically as she sees her reforming herself into a more solid state but Cassandra used this as a diversion to get Maxima in close and outside her own force field. Once Maxima is within a few meters, Cassandra Nova breaks thru Maxima’s own mental powers and mind blocks her as well. In a way both of the competitors both succeed and fail in their attack plan. Maxima was not fast enough to rush in and kill Cassandra Nova, but it opened up Xavier’s sister to the incoming attack from Mary Marvel & Ms. Marvel. Cassandra Nova may be an extremely powerful individual, but the 2 Marvel sisters (CALM DOWN, don’t worry I know they aren’t really sisters. They aren’t even from the same Comic Universe……. God you guys are dorks. Take it easy already) kill her the old fashioned way with some sheer raw physical power, as they pound her into the ground. T-1000 moves in against the Deluxe Insecticons. The liquid metal Terminator wastes no time in working his way into Chop Shop. He goes into a liquid form to work his way into the crevices of the Insecticon and then, once inside uses his hardened metal appendages to literally chop shop into pieces. The remaining 3 Insecticons see that saving Chop Shop is a complete lost cause so they focus all of their fire power on their former ally to destroy Chop Shop’s shell with T-1000 still inside. They then devour Chop Shop so they can make sure to destroy every last piece of T-1000 (and because they were hungry). As they are almost done with the last morsel of their former pal Colossus rushes in and takes Ransack by surprise. He jumps onto the back of the huge Insecticon and rips the head of Ransack clean off. Venom and Barrage see this happen and instantly rip the mutant apart with their Cybertronian metal bug parts before he can duplicate the attack on them. Optimus Prime is about to be taken off guard by the remaining 2 Insecticons when he is alerted by Roller’s loud beeping. The 2 Insecticons are about to complete every Decepticon’s dream of killing Optimus Prime when Roller makes a daring move. The tough little Autobot comes flying off of a nearby building where he was running surveillance and hits Venom square in the face with his little metal body. The perfectly placed tracks break into the head of Venom and crush his circuits to kill him while it also alerts Optimus Prime who pulls out his blaster rifle and lights up Barrage like the 4th of July. Head Coach Barack Obama did not appreciate Bryan Beckerman’s lightheartedness at the serious pre-game meeting when he told everybody what vehicles they would be driving. Bryan thought to himself “I guess I’m the only Will Ferrall fan” after he screamed “I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS” when Barack told him that he was driving the Wild Goose. Becks is still thinking to himself about how the rest of the team needs to lighten up and get a sense of humor as he is racing thru the streets at about 300 miles an hour. Beckerman sees Inspector Gadget off to his left so he turns around and decides that he is just gonna run this punk over. Beckerman is racing towards the Inspector when Gadget yells “Go Go Gadget legs” and stretches himself high enough for the F-Zero car to drive right underneath him. Beckerman then goes careening off of the road and into the lake. GAME OVER. NO RETRY. Amazo has taken on the powers of the Marvel family, Maxima & Dr. Fate (but those powers are fading since their deaths), Dumbledore, Willow, & the 2 Jedis. Amazo easily overpowers Mary Marvel with powers similar to her own before the powerful android leads the charge with Lord Plaguis & Loki following behind him against The Starchild. Amazo takes advantage of his new perfectly adapted powers but Bowman is able to make his body intangible against these abilities. Loki then uses his magic to manipulate the massive amount of energy being given off by Bowman and to make him solid once again. He even centralizes Bowman’s powers in the form of a heart in his chest to give his teammates a spot to aim for when attacking. Amazo rushes in for the kill but Bowman is still able to take control of the highly advanced yet still terrestrial technology controlling Amazo and completely wipe his molecules from this plane of existence. This succeeds but as Bowman is focusing so much of his energy Darth Plaguis jumps up with his crimson lightsaber drawn and stabs it into the solidified heart-like piece that Loki created in the floating chest of Bowman to kill the Starchild. Arisia and Dumbledore are involved in an intense battle with Dumbledore using massive amounts of magic in an attempt to subdue the green lantern but at this point he has trouble even catching the airborne alien. This seems to be a pretty even match until Willow Rosenberg flies in to help out her teammate. Once the 2 magic wielders combine their powers Arisia is simply no match for the pair, who completely destroy her. The outpouring of magic by these 2 powerful Commandos draws the attention of the power of the old ones. Cthulu comes crashing on shore from the watery section of the Play-Off Planet and quickly consumes both Dumbledore and Willow as if their powers were as insignificant as the abilities of Nick Houslander & Chris Artrip. Lazarus Long flies up behind the Bat-Copter and targets it with an advanced missile. Lazarus is furious as he misses with his first attempt, but it really had more to do with some good maneuvering by Trinity. Lazarus on the other hand preferred blaming it on his droid R2-08 (the droid for change). Lazarus gains better positioning for his next attempt as he is then easily able to blast the helicopter out of the air before Trinity can use any of the cool Bat-devices inside. The only one that Trinity is able to take advantage of is the bat-parachute which she uses to escape with before the copter crashes. Bizarro attacks Ben & Cade Skywalker with his freeze vision but Cade is able to block it with the force. Bizarro then swoops down and caves in the skull of Ben with a punch, but he is quickly avenged by his son, or grandson, or whatever he is supposed to be, as Cade uses his lightsaber with a little bit of force power backing it up to cut thru the thick skin of Bizarro and remove his head. Ben Kenobi & Kaja Sinis have shared much knowledge of the force with one another since they were added to the Commando roster at the start of the season and have developed quite a good working relationship both on and off the battlefield. The 2 of them take advantage of the odds as they double team Super Soldier. Super Soldier is able to deflect many of their lightsaber attacks with his shield and use his ability of flight to evade their force powers but eventually he is overtaken by the 2 Jedi Masters as Ben cuts off his shield arm and Sinis finishes him off. The 2 Jedi then find themselves outnumbered 2 to 1 as Dare the Terminator, Connor McLeod, Ki Adi Mundi, & Shaak Ti all rush in to attack the 2 Jedi Masters. Kaja & Ben stand back to back to defend themselves against the 4 on 2 attack which they do rather well. Kaja Sinis is able to kill Dare the Terminator by stabbing her in the chest and Ben Kenobi is able to take out Connor McLeod by slicing off his head (of course). But just as Kaja & Ben even the odds Trinity & Jason Bourne come to tip the scales once again. Bourne shoots an entire clip from his Sig Saur at the Jedi Masters, but they easily block the shots and disintegrate the bullets with their lightsabers (a trick Ben taught Kaja in the locker room (they didn’t do that back in Kaja’s day)). Trinity jumps in to attack the pair with some mixed martial arts but the 2 of them are able to both stab her in the chest before she can do any damage. He sacrifice is in no way in vain though as her diversion allows Ki Adi Mundi and Shaak Ti the opportunity to jump in and kill both Ben & Kaja with lightsaber attacks of their own. Zandar leads the Herculoids against Cthulu, but they also have the help of Xavier Harkonen and his crew in the Nubian 327. The ship is being piloted by Vorian Atreides in the main chair and Bail Organa in the co-pilot seat. Xavier is standing back in a leadership roll Kirk style while Dora & Boots man (or should I say kid & monkey) the guns. Not that Cthulu would ever notice the help or even show any understanding of team dynamics, but Optimus & his little buddy Roller show up to help out The Old One. Lazarus Long in his Y-Wing starts to head over toward the battle with Cthulu but he gets locked in a dog fight with Wedge in the Stealth Bomber. Cthulu kills both Gloop & Gleep, but he ends up rallying The Herculoids even more than they already are when he kills Zandar as well. Vorian Atreides flies low and successfully targets the huge being known as Cthulu, but the creature damages the ship with its claw like hands. Dozer #1 & Astro-Droid #20 (who is wearing Back Pack loaded with needed tools) are both deployed out of the side hatch to go outside and fix the problem. The 2 of them working together are able to replace the damaged parts and get the ship back to working order in no time while Vorian & Bail swing the ship back around for their next attack run. Optimus Prime fights thru a few of Tundro lave pellets before he uses his 2 massive metal hands to crush the creature, while Roller rolls over Tarra. Vorian Atreides actually has to begin the ship’s landing cycle so he can get it so low, to target the underbelly of Cthulu. The ship’s missiles and turbo lasers are able to rip thru the body of the powerful monster, but their attack brings them so close to the creature that Cthulu is able to take out the ship once and for all with a swipe from his mighty claw like hands. As Vorian Atreides crash lands the ship Astro-Droid #20, Back Pack, & Dozer #1 are killed in the crash (they were still outside on top of the ship). Xavier Harkonen opens up the hatch of the crash landed ship and then has to manually hold up the door. The brave Xavier sacrifices himself in the burning ship so his friend Vorian, along with Bail Organa, Dora, Boots, & The Map can escape the wreckage. Wedge has unsuccessfully targeted the Titans with all of his Stealth’s nukes (they used built in counter-measures to deflect the missile and send them into space) and Lazarus has used up all his missiles to try to take out Wedge, which leaves the 2 of them with just basic lasers and bullets in their dog fight. The 2 great pilots zip around the sky with Wedge chasing Lazarus when R2-08 is blasted & Long takes to much damage to sustain flight. Lazarus is able to pilot the ship well enough that Wedge and Ackbar are unable to tell that it is doomed which is how Lazarus is able to get in one last trick. Lazarus takes the ship is high as the damaged Y-Wing will allow and then perfectly times his ejection. Lazarus is able to eject safely while the free-falling Y-wing flops down on top of the wing of the stealth. Wedge is unable to move out of the way quick enough as he pulls the eject lever. Wedge ejects safely but notices that Adm. Ackbar was not so lucky. The Admiral ejected safely, but was then taken out by the shrapnel of the 2 colliding ships. Yoda and Black Adam have been engaged in an amazing battle for the length of the match when Jedi Master #1 comes in to aid Yoda. Yoda has been able to quell Black Adam’s attempted shouts of “Shazam” with the force thus far, but Black Adam steps out of their battle for a second to punch a hole in the head of Jedi Master #1. Black Adam then goes in for a similar kill against Yoda but the little Jedi Master is just too quick. Yoda jumps over Black Adam’s head and then does a backward somersault back thru his legs. Yoda then leaps into the air dragging his green lightsaber up the front of Black Adam before he cuts off his head. Ms. Marvel is able to fight thru the Sith Lightning attacks of Darth Plaguis before she rips the Sith Lord in half but in her weakened state she is then easily dispatched by Cade Skywalker and Loki. Optimus Prime is able to overpower the mighty rock ape Zok but Igoo targets Roller from the sky with his eye and tail lasers. “Noooooooo” Optimus yells, knowing that his faithful little side kick has just hit the graveyard. Martian Manhunter & then flies after the space dragon and takes out his vengeance on the Igoo for killing the little robot that he started alongside of in many a match. The team up of Ki Adi Mundi and Shaak Ti strike again, this time against Lazarus Long. The long lived, rejuvenated human fires a couple of shots at Ki Adi with his pistol but they are blocked by the Jedi, while Shaak Ti disarms him of his vibroblade and finishes him off. Duncan Idaho #7 draws his sword and rushes in toward Vorian Atreides and Bail Organa. The 2 of them take a defensive posture while Dora turns toward me and says “O.K. everybody. Let’s cheer for Vor & Bail”. Boots then replies “Goooooooo Vor. Goooooooooo Bail. Hurray”! These cheers are not quite as helpful as one may think though as Duncan Idaho takes out both Vor and Bail with relative ease. Dora and Boots then sneak up behind Duncan Idaho and attack. The 2 youngsters have learned a lot about fighting in their 2 years as Commandos and it pays off as they are unnoticed and underestimated by Duncan Idaho. Duncan turns and swings his sword but Dora gets out of the way just in time to save herself. The Map on the other hand is not as lucky as it is sliced in half while still being clutched in Dora’s hand. Boots is able to wrap his tail around the neck of Idaho, while Dora pulls out her .25 ACP pistol that she got from Leon. Dora is able to put 2 bullets in the head of Duncan to kill him. Dora and Boots then both jump off of Duncan and once again look in my direction. Boots says: “Weeeeeee did it” to which Dora says: “What was your favorite part of that fight”. ……………………(pause)…………………. “Me too” Dora says to finish the bit. Then Loki (Sorry, give me a minute. ……………………………….. I can’t believe I just had my favorite book character of all time get killed by Dora & Boots. O.K. I’m better now back to the story). Then Loki sees this crazy event and takes a second to revel in the mischief involved with a little girl and a baby monkey killing such a well trained warrior before he uses his magic to obliterate both of them. The Slaves think that they are in pretty good shape when Jedi General Yoda & Autobot General Optimus Prime give the signal for an immediate fallback & regroup. The majority of the team does not understand why until the 2 seasoned leaders reveal to them that they are completely surrounded by Cymeks. The 4 Titans have bided their time and have formulated a great plan to trap the Slaves like slaves in the city. Yoda is calling for all Slaves to fall back and take cover behind a knocked down building so they can attempt some sort of counter-offensive. The Slaves 1st 3 picks Yoda, Optimus, & Bourne are the 1st 3 soldiers to the rendezvous point, but not all the Slaves make it. Agamemnon blasts Cade Skywalker apart on his way to the cover area, while Juno with a little help from Dante does the same to Loki. Tlaloc takes out Inspector Gadget, while the Jedi are doing their best to evade such attacks. Shaak Ti is focusing so much on getting away from the Cymeks that she does not even see Dorno running up behind her with his lava ball slingshot. Dorno takes aim but Wedge is running over to rendezvous with the team and pulls out his blaster. The nervous Wedge fires 3 quick shots over the shoulder of Shaak Ti and one of them actually hits Dorno in the head. Shaak Ti looks at Wedge and says: “Damn Wedge, when it comes to firing that blaster, you are one hell of a pilot”. “You’re welcome” Wedge replies sarcastically. The 2 Star Wars characters then jump into the protected area that Yoda found where we see that the only remaining Slaves are Jason Bourne, Wedge, Martian Manhunter, Optimus Prime, Shaak Ti, Ki Adi Mundi, & Yoda. The 7 Slaves cannot even stick their heads out of the cover area without being instantly targeted by the Cymeks which is why Ki Adi says: “I don’t think that there is a way out of this”. “Always with you it cannot be done” Yoda replies. Martian Manhunter says to Optimus Prime: “Well Optimus, I think it is time for you to pull that thing out of your chest and show us what it does”. Jason Bourne adds that “The Universe Bowl is not until next week. This is not our darkest hour”! “Tell that to Roller” Shaak Ti says. Optimus Prime then reluctantly opens up his chest and pulls out the Autobot Matrix of Leadership. “A diversion we will need” Yoda says to his troops. “I’ll do it” the reluctant Ki Adi Mundi says. Optimus Prime then begins to stand up and pull apart the Matrix. Wedge, who in the cockpit of a ship is as calm and collected as anybody in the Universe; is a nervous wreck in this situation and is beyond any rational thought. Although, when Optimus stands up and begins the Matrix opening process he does start belting out “You Got the Touch” by Stan Bush. In all honesty it’s a pretty good rendition, I think he has been playing some Rock Band in the locker room. Ki Adi is almost instantly gunned down as he runs out of the cover area to draw the fire of the Titans; Optimus stands up completely to direct the energy of the Matrix at their enemies and everybody around begins to witness the massive amount of good energy and wisdom that only a truly wise and worthy leader can wield being expelled from the Matrix. Optimus is about to say his famous line when he is targeted by a missile from Agamemnon that blows his Cybertronian head clean off. The half open Matrix begins to fall to the ground causing Martian Manhunter, Bourne, and Shaak Ti to slump over thinking that all hope is lost, until they realize that the Matrix did not hit the ground after all. In fact it is still rising higher and higher into the air. Yoda has taken control of the Matrix with the force and is continuing to control its power. Yoda uses the force to separate the Matrix which is about 10 times the size of his entire body. “Now, our darkest hour you will light” Yoda says as the wisdom of the Matrix is unleashed and the 4 Cymeks are blown apart.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!