The Tijuana Taco Benders vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

“In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us.”
-Jay

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Pre-Season Match located in the Danger Room. They are as follows:

The Tijuana Taco Benders- Deadpool Corps: Lady Deadpool, Headpool, Dogpool and Kidpool.

Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies- Etrigan the Demon and Jay and Silent Bob with Suzanne.

The Danger Room spews forth a number of projectiles and obstacles for the teams to contend with while they also attempt to focus on their enemies.

Headpool rolls over to Jay and Silent Bob.

Jay: What the hell is this piece of $h%t? A f@&kin’ head? A f@&kin’ head?

Silent Bob shrugs his shoulders.

Jay: You know Bob, I was the f@&kin’ kickball champion in fourth grade! Let’s see what I can do with this!

Headpool: Listen you stoned piece of garbage. . .

Headpool is not allowed to finish his statement before Bob rips him from the ground and rolls him across the floor. Jay kicks the bodiless-head and it flies across the room. Suzanne cheers as Headpool is impaled on a stake jutting from the floor. The stake keeps the head in place as he screams at the trio.

Headpool: You think this stake is going to keep me from you?!?! No way! I’m coming to get you all. . . once I get off this stake that is!

Headpool rotates his head around and slowly begins to rise up the stake. As Headpool is about to fall off, a large object smashes into the jutting pole and crushes the head.

Jay: One for Jay and Silent Bob! (looks at Suzanne) Oh. . . and for you too!

Dogpool rushes at the three.

Jay: Oh Sh%t! That dog is wearing a costume! Just like those little f@&kin’ Beverly Hills Chihuahuas!

Dogpool leaps at Suzanne and rips her throat out. Suzanne attempts to say something, but only bloody gurgling is heard. Dogpool then focuses on Jay, who accidentally trips and falls to the ground. As Dogpool is about to land on Jay, a spear, shot from the wall, hits Dogpool and pins the fierce beast to the wall located across the room. Dogpool’s guts dribble to the floor below.

Jay (gets up): You know what Bob!?!?

Bob motions the number two on his finger.

Jay: That’s right motherf@&cker! Two for Jay and Silent Bob!!!

Kidpool jumps over to the two burnouts. He wields his lightsabers back and forth in a frenzied display.

Jay: Oh $h%t! That kid’s got mad skills!

Kidpool rushes at Jay and is picked up by Etrigan before he reaches the long-haired stoner.

Etrigan:

Little Boy Red,
Go wield your sabers;
Nothing to me,
I’m doing Jay and Bob a favor.

Going to rip you apart,
Going to make you cry;
Not long on this Earth,
Because now you’re going to die!

Etrigan crushes Kidpool’s arms and the youth drops the sabers. Etrigan then rips the young boy’s head off and chucks it on top of another pole, which juts from the ground.

Jay: Damn! You’re so. . . demonized!

Etrigan wanders off, looking for his next prey.

Lady Deadpool comes upon Jay and Silent Bob.

Jay: Me likee your costume! You’re so sweet, I’m thinking that you’re worthy of me (obscene motions follow) beating my meat!

Lady Deadpool does not allow his pornographic moves to continue. She uses her swords to slice Jay in three pieces. She then focuses on Silent Bob- who is no longer silent.

Silent Bob: You know, just because my friend objectified you in the way he did, does not mean that my fate should be the same as his. Remember, I may be a dude that cannot fly on an airplane due to absolutely discriminatory practices, but that does not mean that I am any less of a person.

Lady Deadpool: You are to me.

Silent Bob meets the same fate as his friend, only he is cut in two, not in three, like Jay.
Etrigan walks up behind Lady Deadpool.

Etrigan:
A beauty you are,
To any man’s eye;
But I am a demon,
Who wishes to see you fry.

Etrigan projects flames of mystical hellfire which fries Lady Deadpool.

Etrigan:
I am the final Murderfly,
For I truly represent;
But now I am tired,
I’m just so spent.

Etrigan walks through the opening of the Danger Room to the outside world.


The Tijuana Taco Benders- All Dead.

Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies- Etrigan the Demon survives.

BROCK SAMPSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES IS VICTORIOUS!!!