The Right Wing vs. The Syracuse Valley

“Do you want to see a hockey game with a guy in a tight tee shirt?”
-Rob Bartlett

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 8 Match located in Metropolis. They are as follows:

The Syracuse Valley: Cosmic Spider-Man, (movie) Soundwave, The Toxic Avenger, The Toxic Crusaders: Toxie, No-Zone, Junkyard, Head Banger and Major Disaster, Captain Lou Albano, Black Lantern Rob Bartlett, Lakitu, Hank Chien, Charlie (the record store owner from Masters of the Universe), Balrog #5, Darth Techno and his Sith Apprentice Dark Side Adept #13, Jedi Guardian #3 w/ his former padawan Jedi Knight #37A, Hamato Yoshi, Rayne, Gremlin #1 and Mr. Game and Watch.

The Right Wing is Cosmic Hulk Robot, Red She Hulk, Lyra: The She Hulk, Victoria w/ a red lightsaber, Rivvy Dinari, Black Lantern She Hulk, Zombie Grey Hulk, Osmosis Jones, Zombie Jedi Knight #17, Zombie Predator #2 and Sandstorm.

Let the battle begin. . .

Captain Lou Albano is seen on top of the Daily Planet. His song can be heard by all below.

Albano: You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged

Jedi Guardian #3 with his former padawan Jedi Knight #37A combine their abilities and take on Zombie Jedi Knight #17. Zombie Jedi Knight #17’s demeanor is sporadically enhanced by the Force, which ebbs in his body. The zombie manages to flip over the lightsaber of Jedi Knight #37A, and while he lands, bite Jedi Knight #37A on the arm. Although bitten, Jedi Knight #37A manages to slice Zombie Jedi Knight #17’s head in half. Jedi Knight #37A’s smile turns downward as his eyes glaze over and a milky white appears over his pupils. The enhanced disease spreads through his body and before Jedi Guardian #3 can react, he is bitten by his former padawan. The two shamble down the street. As they sluggishly move, their heads are blown off by Predator #2.

Albano: Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage

Rayne jumps off of a low balcony onto Zombie Predator #2. She uses her vampiric abilities and enhanced strength to avoid the shoulder cannon of the zombie. Eventually, Zombie Predator #2 throws Rayne off of his shoulders. While being thrown, she spins around and slices off the head of Zombie Predator #2. She smiles and then looks down to see her entrails spilling from her body. The Predator’s last act before his death was to disembowel the half vampire. Rayne dies and falls into the arms of Zombie Predator #2.

Albano: In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all

Mr. Game and Watch begin to annoy Darth Techno and his Sith Apprentice Dark Side Adept #13. The two Sith use the Force and their lightsabers to easily dispel with the characters, although they fight for the same owner. Victoria with a red lightsaber rushes from behind a parked vehicle and unleashes upon Sith Apprentice Dark Side Adept #13 and kills him. Darth Techno, in response, kills the vampire. Cosmic Hulk Robot crashes into the ground next to Techno. Before Techno can react, Cosmic Hulk Robot smashes the Sith’s face in.

Albano: And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

Cosmic Hulk Robot looks around and sees Lakitu, Hank Chien, Charlie and Hamato Yoshi. Cosmic Hulk Robot approaches the “lesser beings.” Cosmic Hulk Robot kills Lakitu, Hank Chien and Charlie. Hamato Yoshi manages to give the robot a run for its money due to his enhanced ninjitsu abilities. Gremlin #1 decides to enter into the fray and jumps into a fountain nearby. A gathering of Gremlins comes forth and engulfs the robot. As Cosmic Robot Hulk is discombobulated, Cosmic Spiderman flies by. Rivvy Dinari comes to the scene to assist Cosmic Robot Hulk. As I watched in a scene from the previous Week 6 match between the two teams, Cosmic Robot Hulk battles Cosmic Spiderman. The two cosmic entities destroy each other, and with them, destroy Rivvy Dinari, Hamato Yoshi as well as Gremlin #1 and all of its progeny.

Albano: But I see your true colors
Shining through

The Toxic Avenger and Toxic Crusaders: Toxie, No-Zone, Junkyard, Head Banger and Major Disaster see Red She Hulk and Zombie Grey Hulk. While the hulking duo come to the skirmish, Osmosis Jones does his ‘thang and jumps into the Toxic Avenger. The Toxic Avenger laughs at the results of Jones-nothing-because his body is already “toxified”. Jones is spewed out of the Toxic Avenger’s mouth and is stepped on by Soundwave in robot form. Sandstorm in robot mode battles Soundwave in robot form. The two decimate each other, yet Soundwave shambles on with mere minutes to its lifespan left. As the view moves from the hulking machinery, one sees Red She Hulk and Zombie Grey Hulk battle the Crusaders and Avenger. In the end, only Zombie Grey Hulk is left standing. Zombie Grey Hulk’s head explodes as Soundwave utilizes its last remaining power to defeat the zombie.


Albano: I see your true colors
And that's why I love you

Balrog #5 bursts from the sewers below and meets Lyra: the She Hulk. The two pummel each other, and BL She Hulk comes to the rescue of a mortally wounded Lyra. BL She Hulk uses her ring and builds a construct which matches Balrog #5’s flaming sword. BL She Hulk manages to best the Tolkien beast. After the monster’s death, BL She Hulk looks at Lyra, but it is too late- she is dead. BL She Hulk flies on.

Albano: So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors

BL She Hulk meets BL Rob Bartlett. BL She Hulk looks much better in her tattered clothing than BL Bartlett does in his tight “wifebeater” shirt. BL Bartlett stares at himself in the mirrored windows of the skyscraper, enthralled at his body.

BL She Hulk: Puhlease!

BL She Hulk kills BL Bartlett. BL She Hulk then rises to the top of the Daily Planet and stares at Albano. Albano looks at her. He knows his fate.

Albano: True colors are beautiful
Like a rainbow. . .

The Syracuse Valley: All dead.

The Right Wing: BL She Hulk survives.

THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!!!