Consolation Round 1: Alice vs Team S.P.

Alice's Wonder Team are: Vampire no. 7 and Goblin no. 7

Team Sleeping Pussy are: S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent and 2 Compsognathus ("Compys')


With the opening match of the 2011 consolation matches set to begin, the first twist of the rounds is revealed. The winner will be the first team to retrieve the purple lightsaber that is suspended in the air.

On a platform over a Sarlaac pit.


This revelation immediately has a huge impact on Alice's Wonder Team, as Vampire #7 bursts into flames and turns to ash in the blazing Tatooine sun. It's now up to S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent and his two Compys to make it up the ladder and retrieve the lightsaber.

As Butterscotch rushes to set up a ladder, Bernie the Goblin quickly pulls out a knife and throws it at one of the Compys, hitting the small, turkey sized dinosaur right in the throat-killing it. The other Compy begins to devour the flesh of his fallen comrade, and is punted into the gaping maw of the Sarlaac by Bernie who's hurrying to knock Reginal off of the ladder. Ole Butterscotch tumbles off the ladder, and slides to the edge of the platform. As he struggles to pull himself back up, Bernie decides to forget the ladder, and instead try and incapacitate McTwivent by feeding him to the pit monsters.

Butterscotch is to his feet, as Bernie launches a wicked kick, narrowly missing the intrepid SHIELD Agent's testicles.

"Dirty trick. I got a few of them myself" snarls an enrages Butterscotch McTwivent who throat punches Bernie, causing him to fall to his knees gasping for air. Butterscotch then grabs a ladder and brings it crashing down on the Goblin's leg with a sickening CRACK. Butterscotch continues this abominable assault until Bernie's leg resembles a wet, lumpy sack covered in Goblin blood and bone fragment.

"Consider yourself lucky that I'm feeling mercy today, b***h" says McTwivent as he takes the blood splattered ladder over to where the lightsaber hangs and begins to climb. While he climbs, the Goblin refuses to succumb to the pain and drags his broken body toward the ladder. As Butterscotch reaches the penultimate rung, Bernie in desperation pulls out another dagger and throws it at the turned back of the SHIELD Agents. Unfortunately. the dagger doesn't strike as he intended, and instead hits McTwivent in the back of the leg, barely breaking the skin but causing him to lose his balance and fall off the ladder, and knock it over. Butterscotch lands in a heap, next to the goblin.

Bernie seizes this opportunity and grabs his opponent by the shirt and slams his forehead into his foe's nose, breaking it. Butterscotch grabs his face in pain, as Bernie hobbles over and tries to set up the ladder, which is next to impossible due to the pulping of his leg. He is finally successful and collapses on the ladder, hoping to get a slight reprieve. After catching his pain, he reaches down once more and slowly begins to ascend the ladder. He doesn't get too far though, as Agent McTwivent gathers himself and the fiendish Goblin's dagger then begins his own climb up the other side.

Both men comes face to face at the top, when Agent McTwivent shows what happens when you wake a sleeping pussy. He uses the very dagger Bernie had earlier from his belt and stabs the Wonder Teamer right in the eye.

Bernie grabs at his face as he takes his final tumble from the air. The last thing he sees with his one good eye is S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Reginald McTwivent retrieve the lightsaber and fire it up in victory.


TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!!!