Playoffs Round One: Built Ford Tough vs Oblivio

“Never tell me the odds!”



-Han Solo

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Playoff Week 1 Match located on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:

Built Ford Tough: Firestorm, Black Lantern Dumbledore, The Energizer Bunny, The Sons of Anarchy, all on their motorcycles: Piermont "Piney" Winston, Quinn, Clarence "Clay" Morrow, Jury, Seamus Ryan, Jackson "Jax" Teller, Needles, Alexander "Tig" Treager, Kozik, Robert "Baby Elvis" Munson, Happy, "Big" Otto Delany, Lenny "The Pimp" Janowitz, Juan Carlos "Juice" Ortiz, Filip "Chibbs" Telford, Harrry "Opie" Winston, and Donut; Black Lantern Han Solo and Zombie Chewbacca in Houseway's GMC 2500 Van, Han Solo (Rogue Jedi) w/ Joey, Pacy, and Dawson in Airwolf, Spike (from Land Before Time), X-1 and X-2 in a Tank, Zombie Rob Bartlett, U.S. Agent in a Mail Jeep, Aslan the Lion, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O-Ren Ishi, Vernita Green, and Elle Driver, Prof. Severus Snape, Sirius Black, Power Man, Iron Fist, Darkwing Duck, Keith Mars w/ Veronica Mars and Weevil, Strong Guy, Steve McQueen w/ Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy in Houseway's Ford E-250 Van, Diego and Baby Jaguar in a Go-Cart, Archie the Octo-Spider, Gigantor, (new) Blue Beetle, Ancient Sith Lord #14 (Darth Thunderbird), Failed Jedi #1 (Darth Focus), Failed Jedi #2 (Darth Escort), Mandalorians #1-5 and 10, Johnny Blaze and Battle Droid #100.


Oblivio: Krona, Kyle Rayner - Parallax (yellow), Darth Void - The Butcher (red), Aleta One w/ green lantern ring - Adara (blue), Micah Jiett - Ion (green), Predator #46 - Proselyte (indigo), Eowyn - The Predator (violet), Mon Starr - Ophidian (orange), Black Lantern Wonder Woman, Space Godzilla, Sandworm #12, Bellatrix Lestrange, Shredder w/ Mithril vest, Hawkeye, Chucky w/red lightsaber and yellow lantern ring, Tiffany, Bride of Chucky w/ Star Sapphire ring, Black Dragon #8, Darwin, Captain Marvel II, Gorax and Ace Duck in Z-95 Headhunter.

Let the battle begin. . .

Forest Region. . .

Bellatrix Lestrange searches for prey. The Death Eater confronts Sirius Black. Harry Potter’s “uncle” battles the witch; they are evenly matched. While both wands spew forth spells at one another, Black does not notice Shredder come from behind. Shredder uses his claws to slice into Black’s back. Black screams and Lestrange uses this opportunity to best her opponent as she did in Rowling’s saga. Black dies. Severus Snape rushes to the scene and uses his wand to cast a spell which throws Shredder across the forest floor. Snape then focuses on Lestrange. During the battle, they look to the sky and see BL Dumbledore. Lestrange howls as BL Dumbledore reaches her and rips her heart out before her eyes. Lestrange crumples to the floor. BL Dumbledore and Snape look toward Shredder, who now runs away from the fray. Shredder does not go far as he is met by The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O-Ren Ishi, Vernita Green and Elle Driver. Shredder’s Mithril vest protects his body and affords him time to use his weaponry and kill Bud and Vernita Green before his imminent death by the well-placed blades of Bill, O-Ren Ishi and Elle Driver.

Desert Region. . .

Spike looks up to the behemoth currently blocking the sun. The childish dinosaur sees Space Godzilla.

Spike: I think I’m going to die.

His statement becomes true as Space Godzilla rips the small stegosaurus to pieces. Space Godzilla notices Gigantor come to the fracas. The monster and robot face one another. The two merge into an embrace of death, not love. Eventually, Space Godzilla manages to best the giant robot; Gigantor is destroyed.

City Region. . .

The Energizer Bunny beats its drum as it shuffles across the street. Chucky uses his yellow lantern ring and his bride, Tiffany, uses her Star Sapphire ring to fly to the location.

Chucky: What the f@ck is that thing!?!!

Tiffany: Something that needs to be destroyed my love.

Chucky: Sure thing babe!

Chucky ignites his lightsaber and slices the robotic rabbit in half.

Chucky: Guess the phrase isn’t true; should’ve used Duracell.

The two dolls are not quick enough as they are run over by the motorcycles of the entire Sons of Anarchy squad (Piermont "Piney" Winston, Quinn, Clarence "Clay" Morrow, Jury, Seamus Ryan, Jackson "Jax" Teller, Needles, Alexander "Tig" Treager, Kozik, Robert "Baby Elvis" Munson, Happy, "Big" Otto Delany, Lenny "The Pimp" Janowitz, Juan Carlos "Juice" Ortiz, Filip "Chibbs" Telford, Harrry "Opie" Winston and Donut). The two dolls are severely beaten, but are able to use their rings to mask some of the damage. The duo slowly rises up.

Clay Morrow: Let’s finish this.

The riders rev their motorcycle’s engines and tires screech against the pavement. As they are about to deal the death blows, arrows strike the hearts and heads of Piney, Jax, Chibbs, and Opie. The motorcycles careen out of control and a massive pinball-like collision ensues between all of the gang members. As the remaining members rise, discombobulated from the crash, they look to the top of a small building; it’s Hawkeye. The Avenger smiles, waves and ducks down as a streaking can be heard across the sky. Kyle Raynor-Parallax and Micah Jiett-Ion storm down on the bikers and rip them apart. The Sons of Anarchy are no more. As the two entities fly away, Hawkeye lifts his head once more and is unfortunately met by Archie the Octo Spider. Archie’s legs wrap around the archer and pop off his head, both arms and both legs at the same time.

In the Air. . .

Han Solo (Rogue Jedi) pilots the Airwolf with Joey, Pacy, and Dawson. The ship is in a duckfight (dogfight?) with Ace Duck in a Z-95 Headhunter. Although the duck is an “ace” at flying, he is no match for the luck-infused Corellian smuggler. Ace Duck is shot down and is killed with his ship.

Desert Region. . .

A battalion of motor vehicles storm through the sand. Black Lantern Han Solo and Zombie Chewbacca in Houseway's GMC 2500 Van, X-1 and X-2 in a Tank, U.S. Agent in a Mail Jeep, Steve McQueen with Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy in Houseway's Ford E-250 Van and Diego and Baby Jaguar in a Go-Cart. Before their eyes the sand explodes in front of them and Sandworm #12 bursts forth from the ground. Its maw is opened in front of a careening Diego and Baby Jaguar.

Baby Jaguar: MEHEWWW! MROOOR! MEHEWW! [Translation: Don’t Go! Diego! Don’t Go!]

Sandworm #12 swallows the Nick Jr. characters in a matter of seconds. The remaining BFTers barely manage to avoid the monstrosity. X-1 and X-2 in a tank fire upon the beast. Sandworm #12 shrugs off the projectiles and crushes the tank; X-1 and X-2 are unable to escape before the vehicle is demolished. As the beast is about to finish off the remaining squad, Firestorm flies to the fracas. At a great exhaustive expense, Firestorm uses all of his powers to rearrange the atomic and molecular structure of the Sandworm. He then projects bolts of nuclear energy to shatter the Sandworm.

BL Han Solo: Nice shooting kid!

ZC: Mrooahr!

Firestorm shouts in triumph.

BL Han Solo: That’s right, Chewie. Firestorm, don’t get cocky!

Forest Region. . .

Black Dragon #8 fights Mandalorians #1-5 and 10. The ancient beast spews its acid breath which burns through the armor of Mandalorians #1 and 10. Their bodies are burned and corrode apart. The remaining Mandalorians use their combined skills to battle the winged beast. They are joined by Ancient Sith Lord #14 (Darth Thunderbird). The Sith Lord and Mandalorians kill Black Dragon #8, but at the loss of Mandalorian #3. As the remaining fighters walk on from their victory, they are met by the Gorax. The Gorax rips apart the remaining, weakened Mandalorians and faces Darth Thunderbird. Darth Focus and Darth Escort join their Sith brother and defeat the giant Gorax. Darth Void-the Butcher- comes to the scene. A savage battle ensues between the Darths as Void uses his red lantern powers and red lightsaber. Although he manages to destroy Focus and Escort, Thunderbird, through the use of his ancient Sith knowledge, ultimately manages to, miraculously, best the entity-filled Sith Lord. Darth Void is destroyed.

City Region. . .

Zombie Rob Bartlett shambles across the street. He smiles seductively as BL Wonder Woman approaches.

BL Wonder Woman: Get serious!

BL Wonder Woman rips off the head of Zombie Rob Bartlett, who crumples to the ground. Johnny Blaze comes to the scene and uses his hellfire shotgun to rip into BL Wonder Woman. The Hellfire actually manages to punch a hole in her body. Power Man and Iron Fist come to the scene to assist Blaze.

Power Man: You may be a lantern, but you sure as heck ain’t black!

The two macho men join Blaze to face off against BL Wonder Woman. They are never able to gain the upper hand as Eowyn - The Predator (violet) comes to the scene and combines forces with BL Wonder Woman to destroy Blaze, Power Man and Iron Fist.

Final Melee. . . [Transportation complete]. . .


In the air. . .

Black Lantern Dumbledore and Black Lantern Han Solo come together to face BL Wonder Woman. The lanterns rip each other apart, but manage to re-form almost immediately. No one BL obtains the upper hand. That is, until the spectrum entities come to the scene: Kyle Rayner - Parallax, Aleta One w/ green lantern ring, Micah Jiett - Ion, Predator #46 - Proselyte, Eowyn - The Predator, and Mon Starr – Ophidian. In a fury of spectrum weaponry, BL Dumbledore and BL Han Solo are extinguished, but at the cost of a friendly fire casualty, being BL Wonder Woman.

In the streets. . .

A similar battalion of motor vehicles skirt through the streets. Zombie Chewbacca drives Houseway's GMC 2500 Van, U.S. Agent drives a Mail Jeep and Steve McQueen with Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy drive in Houseway's Ford E-250 Van. The three vehicles see the dolls in the street.

Chucky: Oh sh@t! Not again!!!

The vehicles bear down on Chucky and his bride. The combined rings form immense, spiky shields which the BFTers crash into. Zombie Chewbacca is thrown from the van and his head is sliced in half after landing on Tiffany’s shield. U.S. Agent uses his acrobatic skills to leap over Chucky’s shield, but is then skewered by the diminutive horror with his red lightsaber. The duo then use their rings in near expert fashion to kill McQueen, Ellie, Katie, Simone and Benjy.

Chucky: F@ck yeah!!!

Chucky looks into the sky.

Chucky: F@ck no!!!

Han Solo (Rogue Jedi) with Joey, Pacy, and Dawson in Airwolf fly overhead. They unleash their weaponry on Chucky and his bride and decimate the characters to ash and cinder. The Airwolf is then blown up, claiming the lives of Han Solo (Rogue Jedi), Joey, Pacy and Dawson, unexpectedly, by the fiery blast of Space Godzilla.

On the building top of Tower 122068. . .

The remaining Deadly Viper Assassin Squad members: Bill, O-Ren Ishi, and Elle Driver, join Severus Snape, Darkwing Duck, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Strong Guy, Archie the Octo-Spider, (new) Blue Beetle, Ancient Sith Lord #14 (Darth Thunderbird) and Battle Droid #100 face Darwin and Captain Marvel. The super powered combatants of Oblivio are outmanned and outnumbered, but are able to kill and destroy Bill, O-Ren Ishi, Elle Driver, Veronica Mars, Weevil and Battle Droid #100 before succumbing to their deaths by the remaining BFTers.

Each cosmic entity then focuses on a single object for a kill from the other team. Kyle Rayner - Parallax dispels with Severus Snape. Aleta One - Adara destroys Darkwing Duck. Micah Jiett - Ion incinerates Darth Thunderbird. Predator #46 - Proselyte kills Keith Mars. Eowyn - The Predator terminates Blue Beetle. Mon Starr - Ophidian obliterates Archie the Octo Spider.

Space Godzilla steps on Strong Guy. Although the mutant is able to push his ultimate demise off for a few minutes, the Kaiju film star is too much and crushes Strong Guy to a pulp.

Firestorm and Aslan manage to destroy Krona. The two also miraculously kill Predator #46 and Mon Starr. One believes the deaths impossible until one understands that the lion rose from the dead. Eventually though, the two succumb to the Oblivio powerhouses.

Built Ford Tough: All dead.


Oblivio: Kyle Rayner - Parallax (yellow), Aleta One w/ green lantern ring - Adara (blue), Micah Jiett - Ion (green), Eowyn - The Predator (violet) and Space Godzilla survive.


OBLIVIO IS VICTORIOUS!!!