It is with great sadness that I must report the demise of one of our most beloved, yet controversial members on this team. At 4:36 a.m. this morning, an explosion was both felt and heard by numerous individuals and beasts currently lodging in B3’s main facility. From witnesses who actually saw various portions of the event, it was pieced together that the outhouse located between the compound and lake became engulfed in a raging fire and then exploded. B3 team members rushed to the scene, making sure that there were no fatalities caused by the inferno. Unfortunately, this was not the case.
At 6:09 a.m., Pablo’s body was found. Although it is early in the investigation, it appears that Pablo may have been killed after freebasing drugs with his newly awarded flamethrower. We understand that the official autopsy and toxicology reports may take several weeks before the true cause of death is derived. Notwithstanding, at the current time, there is evidence of numerous bottles, bags and spoons littering the area. The following drugs were, in fact, discovered near the body: acepromazine, amantadine, amitraz, amitryptyline, amlodipine, amoxicillin, atenolol, atipamezole, benazepril, boldenone, buprenorphine, butorphanol, carprofen, cefovecin, cephalexin, chloramphenicol, cimetidine, clamoxyquine, clavulanic acid, clenbuterol, clindamycin hydrochloride, clomipramine hydrochloride, deracoxib, dexamnethasone, diazepam, dichlorophene, enalapril, enrofloxacin, flunixin, furosemide, hydromorphone, isoxsuprine, ivermectin, ketamine, ketoprofen, lufenuron, marbofloxacin, maropitant, medetomidine, meloxicam, metoclopramide, metronidazole, mibemycin oxime, mirtazapine, neomycin, nitenpyram, nitroscanate, nystatin, ofloxacin, omeprazole, oxibendazole,
panacur, pentobarabital, phenobarbital, phenylbutazone, pimobendan, pirlmycin, ponazuril, praziquantel, prednisone, propofol, pyrantel pamoate, selamectin, sucralfate, synulox, theorphylline, thiostrepton, thiabendazole, triamcinolone acetonide, trimethoprim, trilostane and tylosin.
Although charred to an almost unrecognizable level, we also discovered a piece of paper near the remains. Through forensics, we have been able to decipher its words. It simply said: “F@CK YOU ALL!!!! NONE OF YOU IN THE FFL COULD EVER HANDLE THIS PENGUIN JUST BECAUSE I SPOKE MY MIND AND NEVER BACKED DOWN TO ANY PUNK-A$$ BEEYATCH WHO STOOD BEFORE ME!!!”
Given the circumstances of this incredibly nonsensical accident, the members of B3 are asking for your understanding during this difficult time. Nonetheless, no matter what the evidence may show, Pablo was our teammate and more importantly, our dear friend. We dedicate the remainder of the season to the little guy and will try our damndest to make him proud. We will miss him. Thank you. No questions at this time.
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10 comments:
What a lightweight. That's all he had in his system. Weak.
Hmmm. R.I.P. Pablo. But I must say, if I was still Commish, I would just bring him back to life (because that's what we do here at the FFL) and tell him to get over it.
But you're not. An investigation will be opened up and we will look into this matter. Only then will we decide what Pablo's true fate will be.
Oh dear lord it has begun.
As has been prophesied by the great Tycho Brahe
When Pablo's tainted spirit finds its destination, he will surely topple the master of that dark place From his black throne, he will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by his hatred for us all this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one.
When it begins, we will hear the sound of children screaming - as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above our beds, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows.
As he slips through the widening maw in his new form, we will catch only a glimpse of his radiance before we are incinerated. Then as tears of bubbling pitch stream down his face, his dark work will begin. he will open one of his six mouths, and he will sing the song that ends the Earth.
I think you're right on point with that little f'ing penguin!
My only regret is that he took the coward's way out and wouldn't face me in the Easter Classic. I wanted to kill that son of a bitch.
*hock* * sptoo*
Good riddance.
Xavier's Anihilation Squad expresses its sincerest condolences and looks forward to the arrival of our new dark lord.
In honor of the loss felt by the Backyardigans this week. Logical Genocide hereby dedicates their match to the memory of Pablo.
Peace be with you, Pablo. May all the meth in heaven be that blue meth from Breaking Bad. We hear that stuff is the bomb.
Bitch.
Pablo... Sweet Pablo.
What lead you down this destructive path so early?
It seems to me, he lived his life like a candle in the wind.
Also, good one Goof!
I hear Elton John is re-re-recording the song in honor of Pablo, I was sent a sample of it.
A Hundred Line's of Blow
You blew your little penguin nose to shreds
You couldn't control your will power
And now your gone and dead
You always called out the league
And you were quite the pain
Now you belong to the graveyard
The place that will glady take your name
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a fart in the wind
Never fading with the breeze
When a storm blows in
And your appetite for drugs
Went way past the pills
Your candle's burned out long before
Your crackpipe ever will
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