Season 5, Week 3: Tijuana Taco Benders vs. Logical Genocide

“I never put any form of meat in my mouth!”
-Darth Vegetariano


I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Week 3 Match located in Desert. They are as follows:

Logical Genocide: Sandworms #11 and #12, Zombie General Zod, Az-Rel, Black Lantern Bryan Beckerman, Centerion #8 (Sue Yerazzov), Neo-Cymek #18 (Ed), Stryfe, Golden Army Soldiers #42 and #43.

Tijuana Taco Benders: Sand, Sandworms #9 and #13, Lavos, Sith Lord #18: Darth Barren, Sith Lord #19: Darth Vegetariano, Lady Deadpool, Cyber Force: Stryker, Cyblade, Ripclaw, Velocity, Ballistic, Heatwave and Impact and Buzz Lightyear and Woody.

Let the battle begin. . .

The monstrosities known as the Sandworms, specifically Sandworms #11 and 12 from Logical Genocide and #9 and 13 from the Benders immediately attack one another. Suffice it to say, the pieces of worms littering the sand are more than what one would see after the rains of Naboo. In the end, all Sandworms are decimated, leaving the remainder of the battle free from these Dune behemoths.

Sand uses his ability to control silica particles to create a disturbance around the combatants. Unfortunately for the Benders, a majority of LG’s team is impervious to the storm. Sand is quickly dispelled with by Stryfe.

Darth Barren ignites his lightsaber as he faces both Az-Rel and Zombie General Zod. Zombie General Zod flies toward Barren, who ducks out of the way and uses his lightsaber to slash Zod’s left arm off. Since Zod is a zombie, no pain ensues as he simply shrugs off this bodily loss.

Zod: I’m a righty anyway.

Zod flies at Barren again, enough to distract the Sith Lord. As Barren is focused on Zod, Az-Rel uses his heat vision to engulf Barren in flames. Zod uses his super speed to race around the Force wielder, barraging him with a battery of punches. Barren falls to his knees. Az-Rel then uses all of his strength to punch a hole through Barren’s chest. Az-Rel pulls out Barren’s heart. The Sith Lord falls to the sands below.

Black Lantern Bryan Beckerman (hereinafter “BL2B”) stands with Centerion #8 (Sue Yerazzov) since they are kindred-in-spirit. They watch as Golden Army Soldiers #42 and 43 battle the entire Cyberforce. Cyblade throws her blades of energy at Golden Army Soldier (hereinafter “GAS”) #42, who simply shrugs off the blows. Ballistic uses her marksmanship skills to fire
at the center of GAS #43’s head with her weapons. She, like Cyblade, is unsuccessful in her attempts to defeat the GAS force. GAS #42 and 43 slowly approach the two while they withstand the storms of weaponry unleashed upon them. GAS #42 grabs Cyblade and GAS #43 reaches Ballistic; the Cyberforce members boldly face their fates before the statuary.

The GAS duo approaches the remaining Cyberforce members. As they are about to decimate the Bender teammates, Stryker notices Woody being held by Buzz Lightyear. The two Toy Story mates are above BL2B and Sue Yerazzov. The two are pointing to the crown on Sue’s head.
Stryker sends Velocity to take the crown. Before Velocity can reach the two, Neo-Cymek-Ed reaches out and manages to catch Velocity’s leg. The force of Velocity running met by the strength of Ed causes Velocity to lose her left leg. The blood spouts from her groin.

BL2B: Damn!!! It isn’t even her time of the month yet and she’s bleeding like a stuck
pig!

Neo-Cymek-Ed grabs Velocity by the head and crushes her skull. Meanwhile, BL2B notices the toys above Yerazzov and himself.

BL2B: You aren’t worth anything to me if you aren’t mint in a carded box!!!

BL2B destroys the duo.

In response to seeing their teammates being decimated, Heatwave uses the full solar power of the desert to create an extreme plasma burst, which she sends at Yerazzov. Yerazzov is struck and both she and her crown (which has been controlling the GAS duo) are melted into a burst of flames. Since the crown is destroyed, so are the GAS. GAS #42 and GAS #43 are done.

Ed the Neo-Cymek battles the remaining Cyberforce members. Although the Neo-Cymek is eventually destroyed, he takes Stryker, Heatwave and Impact with him.

Darth Vegetariano battles Stryfe; the force wielder against the superhuman telekinetic. Stryfe’s armor manages to deflect most of the blows that Darth Vegetariano deals. Lady Deadpool and Lavos come to assist their Sith teammate. Stryfe manages to kill Lady Deadpool, but succumbs to the lethal combination of Lavos and Vegetariano. Lavos is pounced upon by Zod and Az-Rel. Lavos is eventually killed, as is Ripclaw, by the Kryptonian duo.

Darth Vegetariano is battered and on his knees. The Dark Side flows through the Sith Lord, allowing him to attempt and stand up. Zod and Az-Rel remedy this situation and push him back down. BL2B stands before the kneeling DV. Vegetariano looks up at BL2B. BL2B moves like he is unzipping his fly.

BL2B: I know you don’t like meat, but you haven’t tried Kosher. . .

BL2B laughs maniacally and then shrugs as he notices that he has no zipper on his costume. He approaches the downtrodden Vegetariano. He kneels next to the Sith and slips his face close to Vegetariano’s mug. He whispers to him.

BL2B (using his ring’s essence to enter into Vegetariano’s rectum): This is what some on the wrestling team call the “shocker.” I call it the “Radish Rip.”

DV screams as he is entered.

BL2B: And this is what some call the “Fister.” I call it the “Banana Blowback.”

DV screams even louder.

BL2B: I wish my friend didn’t have to go out of town; he’d love to have seen this. . . and
now for the “Endive Explosion.”

DV is ripped apart from the inside out. DV’s body parts litter the sands.