Season 5, Week 4: Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

“I pity the fool who goes out tryin' a' take over da world, then runs home cryin' to his momma!”
-B.A. Baracas

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Week 4 Match located in Jurassic
Park. They are as follows:

Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Gorilla Grodd, Mighty Joe Young, Dilophosaurs #21-23, Allosaurs #21-23, Geoforce, Feral, Beast, Ewok #50, Ninja Gaiden, A-Team: Hannibal Smith with halberd, B.A. with Atlas and heat axe, Face and Howlin Mad Murdock in a tie bomber, Swift (Authority) and Colonel John Matrix in Iron Man suit.

Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies: Ewoks #12-40, The Maxx, Julie Winters - The Jungle Queen, Blair Witch, Jareth - the Goblin King, Dobby, Etrigan the Demon, Black Panther with John Stewart's Green Lantern Ring, Odin, Forge, Red Power Ranger: Jason, Black Power Ranger: Zack, Yellow Power Ranger: Trini, Pink Power Ranger: Kimberly, Moon Knight, The Wu-Tang Clan: O.D.B wit Red Lantern Ring, RZA with Pokeball, GZA, Method Man with laser gun, Raekwon, Ghost Face Killah with Starwand, Inspectah Deck, U-God with M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher, Masta Killa with laser sword and Cappadonna.

Let the battle begin. . .
Ewoks #12-40 walk together, strutting their stuff, knowing that they are not only one of the most formidable combatants within Jurassic Park in this match, but that they are, in fact, one of the most brutal forces this FFL week. The terror wrought upon the enemy knows no bounds. . . until they are sprung upon by Dilophosaurs #21-23 and Allosaurs #21-23. The Dilophosaurs open their crests, spit venom at the Endor natives and then attack. The Allosaurs simply scoop the Ewoks up in their mouths and crunch the bodies between their teeth. The Ewoks actually manage to kill Allosaurus #23 and Dilophosaurs #21 and 22. Nonetheless, Ewoks #12-40 a/k/a “Endor Deathsquad” are all killed in the melee.

The entire Mighty Morphin Power Ranger team scours the battlefield for their enemy. They look ahead and see Ryu Hyabusa-Ninja Gaiden; he is a worthy adversary. The entire Power Ranger team attacks Ninja Gaiden. At the onset of the match, Black Power Ranger: Zack is killed by Ninja Gaiden. [This is, of course, a normal scenario that
transpires in any FFL match- “the black guy always dies”]. In a frenzy of Red, Yellow, and Pink, Ninja Gaiden is struck down and killed. The Rangers face “the camera” as NG falls to the ground. An incredible explosion is seen behind the team. They realize that this effect is not the typical PR special and begin to run away as a tie bomber piloted by Howlin’ Mad Murdock (wearing 3D glasses) releases its weaponry. The bombs finally find their marks and decimate the Red and Yellow Rangers, whose body parts litter the forest and bomber’s windshield.

HMM: You should see these bombs, explosions and body parts in 3D!

He notices that Kimberly, the Pink Ranger managed to escape. Murdock is instantly smitten with the attractive girl and does not notice Black Panther and O.D.B. flying next to him. The two
Murderflies hold true to their name and bombard the fighter with colored projectiles, used by the lantern rings currently worn by both. Murdock bails out, but the tie bomber is destroyed. Murdock lands on the ground and is met by the rest of the A-Team members.

Julie Winters - the Jungle Queen, crouches on a branch, looking for prey. She senses her protector, the Maxx close by. She sees Ewok #50 creeping on the jungle’s floor. She leaps off her branch and lands squarely on Ewok #50’s head. The force of the blow causes the furball to crash onto the floor, opening his head like as a soft boiled egg on the ground. Ewok #50 is dead. As Winters turns around, Feral pounces on her and uses her claws to rip Winters apart. Maxx rushes to the scene and howls at his woman’s death. The enraged Maxx rips Feral apart, although he also suffers severe injuries due to Feral’s skills. Maxx turns around and sees Mighty Joe Young. The large ape quarters Maxx and bathes in Maxx’s blood.

Jareth-the Goblin King and the Blair Witch focus on the A-Team. Jareth is heard singing to himself as he sees B.A.

Jareth: Chubby little loser. . . Pathetic little fat man. . .

As he sings, Jareth creates crystal orbs from his hands. The orbs are transported in front of the A-Team by Dobby. Smith, Face, B.A. and Murdock are about to walk over the orbs when suddenly each man becomes bewitched as they are driven to pick them up. Murdock looks into the orb and sees the Pink Ranger in her tight outfit. Murdock lowers his orb to see his beloved, the Pink Ranger in front of him. He smiles; she kills him. Grodd storms to the skirmish and uses his psionic abilities to snap the A-Team out of it. He then sees Dobby, slowly tip-toeing away.

Dobby: On my way now!

Before Dobby can teleport, Grodd reaches the Potter elf and rips him apart. B.A., Face and Smith clear their heads and immediately fire upon Jareth and kill him. In return, the Blair Witch races at Face and strikes him dead. Geoforce then flies to the scene and projects a lava blast which engulfs the witch.

Geoforce: Better than the Salem Witch Trials.

B.A. uses all his strength to throw his heat axe, killing the Pink Ranger. Moon Knight then comes to his teammates’ aid and throws his moon-a-rangs at B.A. The weapons slice B.A., with the last one killing the afraid-of-flying soldier as it embeds itself in his skull.

Across the way, Dilophosaurus #23 jumps out of the bushes and spits its venom at Raekwon. Raekwon screams and begins to bat at his head as the venom courses through his system.

Cappadonna: Raekwon be trippin’!!!!

In response to their member’s drug ride, Masta Killa and Method Man come to his aid.

Method Man: Gonna put a cap in yo’ gecko ass!

Method Man fires his laser gun and strikes Dilophosaurus #21. Masta Killa uses his laser sword to deal the death blow to the dinosaur.

Inspectah Deck and RZA focus on their frenzied friend when all of a sudden Allosaurs #21 and 22 storm out of the shrubbery. Inspectah Deck and RZA jump out of the way as the two dinosaurs focus on Raekwon and rip him apart. In the end, Raekwon’s upper torso winds up in the belly of Allosaurus #21 while his bottom torso is consumed by Allosaurus #22. As the Allosaurs then focus on Inspectah Deck and RZA, U-God with his M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher unleashes a missile down the gullet of Allosaurus #21 and destroys the beast, while O.D.B. uses his red lantern ring to shear off the head of Allosaurus #22.

Black Panther flies through the brush, anticipating his role in the new battle. He is taken off guard as Etrigan jumps from the branches above and lands on BP’s back.

Etrigan: Like a pain on my a$$,
Its pimple comes to a head;
Squeeze the puss out,
Leave the pustule dead!

Etrigan jerks the head back of BP and breaks his neck. Etrigan then leaps off and catches a branch. The demon then rushes to the final melee, seeing Hannibal on the ground below.

As Hannibal reaches the battle, he sees GZA.

Hannibal Smith: I love it when a plan comes together!

Smith uses his halbeard to kill GZA, who crumples to the ground. Masta Killa then manages to use his laser sword to gut Smith.

Both Grodd and Joe join the fray. RZA attempts to use his Pokeball, but Grodd manages to force it down the rapper’s throat. The object becomes lodged in his esophagus and he dies, swallowing his own vomit. Meanwhile. Mighty Joe Young does what comes naturally to the beast and
tears apart Inspectah Deck. Additionally, Beast has now come to the fray. He locates Moon Knight and crushes his skull with a blow to the head.

Colonel John Matrix flies in with his Iron Man armor. He looks at the remaining Wu Tang Clan members. He points to O.D.B.

Colonel John Matrix: I like you O.D.B. That’s why I kill you last.

Matrix turns to see U-God with his M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher facing him.

Matrix: That’s my weapon!

Matrix unleashes a rocket from his armor that, with pinpoint accuracy, strikes the M202A1. The concussion of the blast creates a chain reaction and the missile contained in the weapon also explodes. U-God is disintegrated and with him, Cappadonna is killed also.

Forge is now at the skirmish. He uses his mutant ability to locate the “weak” point of the armor. He runs to O.D.B., who nods his head in understanding. As O.D.B. rises, he fails to see the bird-like Swift race to the scene, killing Forge. Nonetheless, O.D.B. uses the information given to him by Forge to approach Matrix.

Matrix: O.D.B. Remember when I said I’d kill you last? I lied.

As Matrix is about to fire at O.D.B., O.D.B. uses his ring to strike the armor at the proper point. Like “shooting womprats on Tatooine,” O.D.B. manages to open the release to the helmet of Matrix’s armor. O.D.B. then pulverizes Matrix’s face with his ring.

Etrigan the Demon faces Beast.

Etrigan: A beast you may be,
But a demon you are not;
Time to crush you furry friend,
And beat out of you the snot.

Etrigan projects hellfire from his body and kills Beast.

Swift and Geoforce fly around the Clan. Method Man attempts to use his laser gun on Swift, but his blasts cannot catch the quick flier. Swift easily dispels with Method Man. Meanwhile, Ghost Face Killah attempts to use his Starwand and Masta Killa attempts to use his laser sword on Geoforce to no avail. The Markovian uses his gravitational control to force both to their knees. He then deals deathblows to each. Etrigan joins the players in this match and actually manages to catch Swift. He smiles at his new prey.

Etrigan: A bi-sexual gal you may be,
But a demon lover you won’t see;
Your death comes now,
You Buddhist Tibetan cow.

Etrigan kills Swift. He turns around to see O.D.B. and finally, Odin, standing with him. The trio face Geoforce, Gorilla Grodd and Mighty Joe Young.

Odin: I am the King of the Asgardian Gods. You are but a pair of monkeys.

Odin unleashes his full fury upon the duo of Grodd and Young. The two drop dead where they stand. Geoforce, as the lone member of the Squad to remain, gulps. He never completely swallows the air as Etrigan and O.D.B. kill him (with a little help from Odin).