Season 7, Week 8 Match: Team Sleeping Pussy vs. The Royal Highness

“You hold me up,
You hold me down;
and up and down,
and up and,
up and down.”

            -Karen O and the Kids [Heads Up – “Where the Wild Things Are” Soundtrack]

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 7, Week 8 Match located Where the Wild Things Are. They are as follows:

Team Sleeping Pussy: Bizzaro Superman, Korvac, Johnny Blaze, Western Ghost Rider, Miracle Dog, Zombie Nightmare and The Vanisher.

The Royal Highness: The Gardener (Elder of the Universe), Apocalypse, Gorilla Grodd, Bonk, Wookie Soldiers #1-3, Dilophosaurus #21, Allosaurus #21, Good Luck Bear, Ewok #50.

Team Sleeping Pussy locker room. . .

Johnny Blaze:  Time to ignite the fire under our butts and win this match!

Bizarro Superman:  Me no like fire!

Royal Highness locker room. . .

Ewok #50:  Rotini Selebrayto!  [Translation: Let’s get this party started!]

Good Luck Bear: All right.  All right.  All right.

THE POUNDING OF A DRUM IS HEARD THROUGHOUT THE FOREST OF WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE.

Let the match begin. . .

The lush forest floor of “Where the Wild Things Are” is littered with green foliage.  A trampling of twigs is heard and the Western Ghost Rider (hereinafter “WGR”) is noticed riding through the woods on horseback. 

Ewok:  Owooga Maspucha!!! [Translation: Take that you piece of s#%t]

Ewok #50 is perched on a high branch in a tree far above the ground.  He throws a medium-sized, jagged rock at horse’s head, startling the beast.  The stallion violently reacts and throws WGR off his back.  WGR expertly rolls his body and manages to stand upright; both guns are drawn.  WGR sees Good Luck Bear standing in front of him, rubbing his unsheathed green member in a taunting fashion. 

Good Luck Bear:  Suck on my shamrock, a$$hole!

WGR fires his guns and grazes Good Luck Bear.   As WGR reloads his weapons, Dilophosaurus #21 spits venom at WGR.  WGR attempts to wipe off the poisonous spit and turns around too late, only to be eaten by Allosaurus #21.  Miracle Dog pounces upon Dilophosaurus #21 before it can react and rips the small dinosaur apart.  The canine rushes away while Allosaurus #21 swallows the devastated body of WGR.

Ewok: Reeoboh Semnigbor Maspucha!!! [Translation: That be some f#Cked up s#%t I just saw].

The Vanisher teleports next to the pack of Wookie Soldiers #1-3.  As each alien carpet reacts to the enemy, the Vanisher simply teleports away.  By the end of the skirmish, all Wookie Soldiers #1-3 are dead.  The Vanisher’s victory is short lived as he is unable to escape from the clutches of Gorilla Grodd, who jumps from the bushes and telepathically holds the Vanisher in place.  Grodd hoots as he rips off the head of the mutant. 

Bonk notices Miracle Dog running through the brush and crashes his head into the massive canine’s skull.  Miracle Dog is startled and Bonk uses this to his advantage by striking the dog again.  As Miracle Dog rises, Allosaurus #21 rushes from the bushes and grabs the dog in its maw. The immense dog is shaken to death by the vicious dinosaur.   Bonk smiles at his victory and struts through the forest.  His body’s midsection is then ripped apart by Johnny Blaze’s shotgun.  Bonk falls to the ground, dead.   Apocalypse teleports behind Blaze and smacks his head with both hands.  Blaze falls to the ground and Apocalypse easily dispatches him.

Good Luck Bear and Ewok #50 begin holding onto their heads, screeching.  Zombie Nightmare walks toward his enemy. 

Ewok #50:  Depogs Frijkol!!! [Translation: Get out of my head you Zombie Nightmare f#ck!]

Zombie Nightmare walks up to Ewok #50, who is still screaming, and rips out the Endorian’s throat.  Ewok #50’s spirit floats to the graveyard.  Zombie Nightmare then focuses on Good Luck Bear.  As the villain approaches the Shamrock-emblemed Care Bear, he is stopped by Grodd, who freezes ZN in place with his psionic powers.  Grodd shoots the zombie’s head with telekinetic force beams and ZN’s head explodes.  Zombie Nightmare’s headless body falls to the ground. 

Bizarro Superman flies to the scene and immediately picks up Allosaurus #21 by the tail.  He uses the tail as a lever and smashes the dinosaur back and forth on the ground, killing the beast.   Bizarro then sees Gorilla Grodd and the two begin to battle.  Bizarro manages to gain the upper hand on the Gorilla City denizen and eventually not even the psionic powers and strength of the gorilla can match the brute strength and sheer will of Bizarro Superman.    Bizarro Superman focuses on Apocalypse next, but a shortened victory is not achieved by the Luthor clone.  The two bash each other repeatedly and the struggle continues for what seems like ages. 

Korvac arrives to the scene and decides to finish the battle between the two behemoths.  As Korvac is about to use the power cosmic to destroy Apocalypse, the Gardener, in a sacrifice seen in many matches before, unleashes a centered cosmic fury that engulfs Bizarro Superman, Korvac, Apocalypse and himself.  In a cataclysmic blast, all perish. 

Good Luck Bear peeks his head from a tree stump and acknowledges his moniker.  The Care Bear walks through the forest to his locker room.