S9W9: The Empire vs. The Abomitrons

The Empire is: Waluigi w/ Indigo Lantern Ring, Chris Benoit w/ Bottle of Xanax, Mayonais w/ Atlas, Thor w/ Heat Axe, Ryan w/ Halberd, Saurod, and Atticus Finch.

The Abomitrons are: Amazon #11-17 and Fry Guy #3.

Hey, young'ns, this is Old Man Parks here to spin a little yarn about one of the damnedest matches I ever did watch in my Fantasy Fantasy days. Alright, so there they were: A bunch of butch broads in loincloths were stuffed into Young Man Houslander’s covered porch with some made-up pansy-ass characters and that wrestler guy what choked his wife and kid. So they're all shuffling around nervous 'cause they’re too tight in this little porch, but they don't wanna get burnt by the lava. Oh, right, and the place was surrounded by lava, far as the eye could see. The wrestler, he pulls out this jar of Xanax and pops a couple, offers them to the others in the room. Doc tried to put me on the Xanax for my ol’ trick knee once. Bad reaction, wound up half naked in the yard havin’ war flashbacks. Called Harrison and his boy a couple'a gooks. Harrison ain't even an oriental fella. Anyway,  Atticus Finch - He was always kind of a radical, “free-thinker”... ******-lover, is what I'm saying - he takes one and washes it down with a swig out of a flask. This purple guy with a mustache and a purple ring, he takes a couple too. He was either gay or European. Hell, who am I kidding, what's the difference? So most everyone in the room takes one or two of these little bars, and for a while everyone starts to calm down and stop quaking like little sissy Frenchmen. The wrestler fella was trying to smooth talk the manly broads while Atticus and the gay European had a little heart-to-heart. Pills must've been doing something to ol’ purple, 'cause he looked like a surly bastard before, but they had him staring in awe while Finch rambled on some hippie bull**** about “equality” and “integrity”. The wrestler though, he was getting turned down something rough by those beefy lesbos, and boy was he riled up. He starts shouting and stomping like a schoolboy. Atticus Finch can't handle the excitement, throws up in his mouth and collapses on the floor. Doc always said not to drink on the Xanax, but I did anyway. I survived two goddamn wars, I think I can handle some bourbon with my meds. Next think you know, everyone is freaking out and yelling. The wrestler starts really wailing on one of the ladies. Now, I'm no liberal, but you never hit a woman as hard as he did there. There's a difference between a little marital correction and a flat-out beating, you gotta find that balance. These broads all pile in on him and take him down, but the guys with the weapons start cutting 'em back. The guy with the Halberd and the cheesy lizard guy, they both got themselves killed, but in the end the ladies never stood a chance. It's like I always say, even the strongest carpet-munchers cant match a few good men. Next think you know they're gonna wanna be allowed in the Olympics, nah, what is this world coming to? Let's just pray Ol’ Donny Trump gets into office, the last thing we need is some dame menstruating all over the goddamn constitution. What? Oh, right, well anyway...