Better Than All of You Vs. George Washington's House Elves

Marty Mcfly and Doc Brown in the Delorean Time Machine, Tigger, Eeore, Rabbit, Piglet, Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage, John Rambo, Rocky Balboa, Serpentor, Globulous, The Original X-Men: Cyclops, Jean Grey, Iceman, Archangel, and Beast, Sailor Moon, and Predator #1-12.

George Washington's House Elves are Thor, Iron Man, Agent Smith, Soundwave w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Wingthing, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Glit, Enemy, Howlback, Garboil, Overkill, Slugfest, & Autoscout #1 & 2, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and Winston Churchill.


I Joshatu the Great and Powerful, contrary to popular belief am not fully omnipotent. Some beings of my ilk make such a claim, but how can one truly be omnipotent when everything happens simultaneously; but it isn't always happening the same way. We greater beings frown upon you lesser beings who insist on attempting to manipulate the continuum with time travel; but there are some who even I must admit are exceptionally good at it even with the most archaic of resources at their disposal. Doc Brown of earth as he is known is one such being.

This match begins and ends at many separate points, so I make no claim of showing the actual beginning or actual end. I simply will walk you through several series of events in an attempt to show what basic minds would refer to as a, What is the word I am looking for.....??.... Oh, yes: a story.

Let us begin:........

A wingless Archangel and battered Cyclops lay on the ground with the smell of death in the air while Jean Grey's last bit of Phoenix Force is extinguished by a killing blow from the Hammer of the Mighty Thor, but meanwhile within the confines of a Delorean DMC 12 driving on DuPont Circle: “DOC, IT HAPPENED AGAIN!! The X-Men are dead, we need to go back, WE NEED TO GO BACK” Yells Marty Mcfly from the passenger seat of the Delorean with a petrified Piglet sitting on his lap whilst time Doc Brown activates the Flux Capasitor, shifts into fourth gear, travels to 88 MPH and disappears.

Doc and Marty head back to 1955 and grab a Pepsi (but they have to pay for it). They then head back to the perceived beginning of the battle, which is already raging. Rocky Balboa just knocked Churchill out cold, while Rambo machine gunned Howlback to pieces before he was stomped on from above by Slugfest. Washington put a saber through Tigger, while Jefferson and Franklin fumbled around with Eeore and Rabbit. Agent Smith pounded Beast into submission while taking out a few Predators. Iron Man took out the rest of the Alien Hunters with his advanced weaponry. Beastbox and Squawktalk have merged to form Squawkbox and with the aid of Wingthing is ripping Globulous to pieces. Serpentor was just blasted apart by Enemy. Iceman froze and destroyed both the Autoscouts and Sailor Moon was surrounded by Laserbeak and Buzzsaw from the air and then taken down. And once again how it always seems to happen Thor became locked in a vicious battle with Jean Grey and Cyclops.

“It's too similar Doc!! We didn't go back far enough”. Yells Marty.

“We should try something new.” Says Piglet.

“GREAT SCOTT Marty, I don't know what to do. Maybe we'll have better luck in the 80s”.

“But Doc, the match is here and now. The match is whenever we say it is Marty. WE HAVE A TIME MACHINE”!!

Doc guns it once again and they reappear in 1985. Doc, Marty, and Piglet think they are safe as they get out of the Delorean and begin walking the grounds around The White House. I mean, what is there to not feel safe about. This is a great time. Ronald Reagan is President after just winning in a landslide, 9-11 hasn't happened, so when people say conspiracy they think you must still be talking about JFK, morons aren't bumping into you because they are too busy looking at their phones, the only President to be impeached was Andrew Johnson, The Clintons are still in Arkansas, Donald Trump doesn't have a TV show and is still friends with Oprah, MTV is still showing music videos, everybody still thinks the war on drugs is a good idea, and Alexandria Occassia Cortez isn't even born yet. Doc Brown and Marty are starting to get used to it, but Piglet is shocked to find himself in a new time. The little Pig reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a Winston Light to calm the nerves and asks a passer-by: “Am I allowed to smoke this here”?? The guy struts by in his denim jacket and gives him a strange look as says “Of course you can... It's a free country ain't it”. Piglet sparks it and takes a smooth drag off his smoke which reminds him that he needs to grab a carton while he is here because they won't have that stupid paper that makes the cigarettes taste like dumpster food and go out if you don't puff on them for three seconds. But just then, as the time-roaming Betters crew thinks they are out of harm's way they see that not even time can keep them away from The Fantasy Fantasy League.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOIN IN 1985 BROTHER”?!!? Yells Hulk Hogan to his teammate Doc.

“Ooooooooooh Yeeeeahh, It's The Macho Man Randy Savage here with the Hulkster lookin for some pain to inflict on some House Elves”. Says Hogan's Mega Powers partner dramatically.

Hogan grabs the mic back: “THAT'S RIGHT BOTHER. IT'S 1985, AND The WWF hasn't been ruined by Vince destroying our competition and by the World Wildlife Foundation becoming randomly butthurt after years of sharing the same name. So here's the question BROTHER. WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN HULKSTER RUNS WILD ON YOU”.

Marty Mcfly can barely contain his excitement. His voice cracks as he says: “I'm so excited to see you and the Macho Man back together. You guys need to get back the titles and break all the records”.....

His sentence trails off as they hear a “BOOM”!! Soundwave comes crashing through The White House's East Wing and steps over the massive fence as if it were a turnbuckle. He speaks in his monotone, electronic voice: Records, Records are out of date in this time. Cassettes are KING”. With those words, Soundwave ejects Rumble, Frenzy, and Ravage from his chest.

Rumble screeches: “If you want the tag title you're gonna need to take out the best duo in the business. And that's me and Frenzy. The four combatants then begin to brawl fiercely. Hogan gets knocked off to the side and by Frenzy and is laying on the ground nearly unconscious. Rumble and Frenzy then begin double-teaming Macho Man with measured hits to the head and mid-section.

“WHERE'S THE REF!??! THAT'S TWO ON ON”!! Marty screams from the Washington D.C. cheap seats where us rabble who don't want Socialism sit.

Macho Man is down for the count, and Rumble climbs up on a fence to deliver a flying elbow to Savage, just to taunt him with his own move. BUT HERE COMES HOGAN!!!!! Hogan knocks Rumble off of the fence and begins pumping his arms and shaking his head wildly as bystanders go crazy. Frenzy comes to lend a hand to his partner; but gets a big boot to the face, putting him down on the mat, errrr I mean ground. Rumble gets back up and delivers a fierce punch to the face of Hogan, but Hogan stays on his feet and simply turns his head looking Rumble right back in the optics. Rumble delivers another punch, then another punch. But Hogan is still standing. Rumble can't believe what he is seeing. The stunned Decepticon hits The Hulkster with another punch but this time Hogan waves his finger back and forth in the face of The Transformer and hits him back. Hogan hits him with a clothesline, turns it into a bodyslam, runs away, runs back, and HITS RUMBLE WITH THE LEG DROP!! While Hogan is helping Randy Savage to his feat, Soundwave hits play on his chest. The music starts pumping from his enormous speaker, as the patriotic people of 1980s Washington D.C. start to well up with tears of joy:

“I am a real American, fight for what's right for every man. I AM A REAL AMERICAN FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT. FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE”.......

Then Soundwave stomps on both Hogan and Macho Man and Ravage bites Doc Brown in half.

“Holy S*(*^ Piglet!! We gotta go”!! Yells Marty as he and Piglet get back in the Delorean and kick it up to 88......

**Meanwhile in a totally different timeline**

George Washington sits at the Resolute Desk of the Oval Office, while Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, and Winston Churchill stand around him consulting with their leader.

Jefferson speaks: “It has become apparent, that our opponents possess a time machine. I believe we must shift our attention away from winning this match. It is no longer the most important goal. If we can get a hold of that machine, we could go back in American History and keep our descendants from ruining this nation and going against The Constitution and system we gave them”.

Franklin, ever the trendy member of society has taken to the modern trends of the era very quickly, much like he did in France and other European nations where he visited and resided. Wearing skinny jeans and tight t-shirt he says: “Yo G-Dub, T-Jeff's words is legit AF”. This nation is hit Son, and we gots to fix it”.

“I would appreciate it if you addressed me as Mr. President Dr. Franklin”. Washington replies.

“Hey, my bizzle Mr. Presidizzle. Safe. Safe. I aint't bein a hater, I'm a participator. I just wanna be straight with the American people. I say we go back throughout history and tell em like it be. We just need to be like: Yo Dogg, heard ya like laws; so we wrote some laws against your laws so you can be legal while you legal. Know what I'm sayin”??

“This is ridiculous”!! says Churchill. He finishes: “We have a battle to win. I don't care about your personal desires. We need to win this thing like we were commissioned to do”.

“Sorry guys, I agree with the Brit”. Says Washington as a loud crash is hard outside as The Delorean reappears with a streak of fire once again.......

**Somewhere and some time else**

Marty and Piglet leap out of the Delorean and run through the carnage towards the X-Men leader and Betters Field Captain: Cyclops, who is in the middle of roasting Garboil with his optic lasers. “Scott, we need some of you X-Men to come back with us to 1985!! Some of the House Elves are there and they killed Doc Brown!! We have to stop it from happening”!!

“Are you kidding me Kid”?? Cyclops asks. In case you haven't noticed, there is one hell of a battle going on right now”. Cyclops is then hit by a series of missiles from Iron Man blasting him to pieces.

“Holy Crap”!! Marty screams. “Let's get back to the Delorean Piglet”!!

Piglet makes it very clear as they engage the Flux Capisitor and begin to travel through time that he doesn't care where they go as long as they have cigarettes. “Cuz this pig is out and I am fiending”!! Says Piglet.

**The Timeline to end this Timeline**

As Marty, Doc Brown, and Piglet speed away on Dupont Circle, Marty looks in the rear view mirror and sees a familiar scene. Iron Man lay dead on the ground, while Thor delivers a punch to the face of Cyclops that sends him to the ground hemorrhaging. Thor then rips the wings from Archangel's back and turns to face Jean Grey who taps into her deepest inner power and unleashes the yet undeveloped Phoenix Force to level nearly everything in the district as Thor delivers his mighty hammer into her face...

Piglet screams “LOOK OUT”!! As the scene changes slightly, with Overkill jumping into the road and sinking his metal teeth into tire of the Delorean. Doc Brown watches in seeming slow motion as the speedometer goes from 75 to 78.... 82.... 85..... 87...... And the car spins off the road, flipping uncontrollably.......

**Back in the Oval Office**

The surviving Frenzy helps the now one-legged Overkill into the office of General Washington and says: “I'm sorry General, we lost every troop we had. We had a great team and a great plan; but their time traveling made our casualties catastrophic. Should we attempt to rework their time machine and save our soldiers”??

General Washington gives out a heavy sigh and says: “Let's honor our troops and their sacrifice. Bust out the Ale and Hemp Flower my good man. A win is a win”.....