Week 3 - Underhills vs Meat Suits

Underhills: Sauron w/ the One Ring, Blue Wizard #1-2, Radagast the Brown, Arwen Evenstar, Aule, Yavanna, Isildur, Samwise Gamgee w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Ent #1-3, John Stewart, Kyle Rayner, Professor Snape, Abomination, Incredible Hulk

Meat Suits: Hal Jordan, Lorien, Este, Treebeard, Atrocitus, Deathstroke, Freddy Kruegar, One Punch Man, Fire Lord Ozai, Fire Lord Zuko, Nazgul #6 on Mordor Horse, Easterlings #1-10, Uruk-hai #1-10, Kili, Thror, Fallen Dwarves #1-10, Balrog, Chi Blockers #1-5

The story we are all so familiar with: a hobbit’s journey, the rise of men, overcoming evil, and the destruction of the one ring. This may have been the case for the world we know, but forget not what might have occurred in universes different from ours. I have watched one where mankind failed and evil prevailed. Sauron achieved victory, and the one ring was his once again. How might that have happened, you may ask…

Sauron amassed an other worldly roster, made up of men not understood to Middle Earth. However, the Meat Suits gathered their own outsider forces to be the last stand against evil. It is they who march onto the black gate of Mordor. As they approach, the Underhills stand on the other side of the large doors as they slowly swing open. Once the gates have opened fully, the two armies yell in synchrony, “CHARGE!!” Here is where we bear witness to an old fashioned brawl between two charging forces.

It is the commons who meet first. Between the blue wizards, ents, easterlings, uruk-hai, fallen dwarves, and chi blockers, they make quick work of each other with the two Firelords burning those who remained. Then comes the foot soldiers… Snape sends fatal spells against the dwarves, but gives Deathstroke too much time to come in close enough for the kill. A combination of Isildur and Arwen retaliates with a swipe at Deathstroke’s head, finding their mark. But Freddy Kruegar’s mad weird fingers rip the two to shreds.

Meanwhile, the opposing Valar make council together discussing their sides of the battle. Lorien and Este are baffled that Aule and Yavanna would ever join Sauron’s forces. They disagree for a long period without achieving any sway in either direction. *cough sounds like the usual politics* After far too long of debating, they agree to both do nothing… classic. And with that, the Valar leave the fate of Middle Earth to itself and return to Valinor.

Next up from the Underhills are two desperately in need of anger management classes, Abomination and Hulk. They start going ham on the rest of the ground forces annihilating Treebeard, Kruegar, the firelords, and… the balrog from street fighter? Then they approach One Punch Man, thinking not very highly of him, of course. That is until Hulk is overtaken with surprise as Abomination is split in two after one swipe from the bald man. Hulk tries to recover and avenge, but One Punch Man gives a shot through Hulk that sends his heart to the sun while his body collapses to the ground.

Now One Punch Man shifts his gaze towards the dark lord. Sauron sees his intent and decides to make use of the many rings that are present in this battle. Suddenly, all these remaining ring bearers become filled with jealousy rage and start fighting amongst themselves. Amidst the fighting, One Punch Man is pulled away from Sauron to deal with the brawl that is ensuing. Radagast kills Nazgul #6, but is obliterated by Atrocitus, who is then destroyed by Kyle Rayner. Hal Jordan then overtakes the combined might of Kyle Rayner and Samwise, but it is Stewart who soon after ends Hal. One Punch Man becomes bored of this senseless battling and flies straight through Stewart.

Now again, the bald superhero makes his intent on Sauron. To him, it’s just another big bad that will take a meager punch to destroy, but special forces are at work in these lands. Sauron wields the ultimate power and stands in his home territory. It is for these reasons that one fail swoop from the mighty lord of the rings is able to decapitate One Punch Man.