Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyatches are Darth Vader, Red Hulk, Sasquatch, Wolverine, Doomsday, Dark Phoenix, Orion, Holocaust, & Krypto.
TEAM is Superman, Comet, Streaks, Thunderstrike, Ragnarok, Luke Skywalker & R2-D2 in an X-Wing, Voltron, Galvatron, Nyobi & C-3PO in a Snow Speeder, Wile-Coyote, & Jet Li.
As the match begins Vader speaks to his troops. “Everything about this season is unacceptable. The Bryan Beckerman Division is the weakest in the league and we are only .500. We are now about to square off against the champions and we don’t even have a play-off spot clinched let alone the Division Win which Coach Hannibal has already said is an absolute must”. Wolverine chimes in with “relax Darth; look around you, this squad could rip Asteroid M apart with its teeth. We’re the best at what we do bub, and we got this match in the bag”. “Is that a guarantee Wolverine” asks Orion. “No, that’s a “Wolverentee” bub”. “I shall hope so for your sake Logan, Coach Hannibal is not as forgiving as I am”. Now that the squad’s are smaller and more elite, TEAM’s coaching staff insisted on meeting with all of the Week 9 starters before the battle. The Oracle and Mother Brain loaded the minds of all involved with so much esoteric and existentialist nonsense that it did more to confuse the team than to help but as they were leaving Spock pulled Superman and the 2 Thor’s aside to say “Remember, despite are division being the toughest in the league, our play-off chances look very good. If we are going to continue our greatness, we will need all of you”. Thunderstrike shrugs off this advice by saying “Aye! Thanks for the advice Coach Spock, but this battle at hand will be won, no matter the cost”. Spock replies with: “You’re logic frightens me. Is it not more important to win the war than the battle”? Back on the ice world of Hoth these 2 A.L. powerhouses waste no time clashing with one another. Doomsday once again begins brawling with his arch-enemy Superman, but this time Superman has the help of his 2 Super-pals Comet & Streaks. Thunderstrike and Ragnarok follow Superman’s lead and engage in hand to hand brawls with Rulk & Sasquatch, but Orion flies down to even the fight. Luke flies thru the air in his X-Wing with Nyobi flanking him in her Snow Speeder, while Voltron’s 5 Lions form together to form the Voltron from the far Universe. With his Napoleon complex raging Wolverine decides that he needs to take out the biggest guy on the team which is why he attacks Galvatron. Krypto bites the jugular of Wile Coyote but is then kicked by Jet Li. The Super Dog easily recovers from the attack and then knocks Jet Li into a snow bank on his way up, so he can distract TEAM’s ships. Holocaust prepares for battle, but as he is doing so Luke’s X-Wing comes ripping thru the skies above as if it had just come out of nowhere. Luke uses the force to sense that the opponent below him is very powerful, which is why he spares no expense when it comes to weapons. Holocaust attempts to absorb the proton torpedo attacks, but he must be ray shielded (almost 30 years of watching Star Wars and I still don’t know what that means) because Luke is able to overload the mutant with the attack and kill him. Nyobi, despite her great piloting skills is not quite used to such a small ship, so she is just doing her best to keep up with the more experienced Luke. She follows Luke, like a good Wing Woman, but then radios the mini rogue squadron leader in a panic. Nyobi has no idea how she has completely lost control of her Snow Speeder and why the controls are completely unresponsive. Luke does not know what to say to his teammate, but he has a feeling that force powers beyond his control are at play. Lord Vader from on the icey ground has used the force to take control of the Snow Speeder and has caused it to crash land in the snow bank below. Nyobi and C-3P0 are relatively unhurt as they jump out of the landed Snow Speeder and rush toward Vader (well Nyobi rushes C-3P0 is just kind of waddling). Nyobi busts out some mad kung fu stuff Norris style, but Vader blocks her kicks with his hands and then uses his lightsaber to finish her off. Darth Vader then uses the force to begin pulling C-3P0 apart, but after he gets a good look at the droid, he stops. The evil to the core Darth Vader gently puts C-3P0 back on the ground as if he just could not bring himself to hurt the droid. The Sith Lord then walks away leaving the droid alone. Thunderstrike jacks Sasquatch in the grill with Thunderstrike which kills him, but he then squares off one on one against Orion, while Ragnarok dukes it out with Rulk. Rulk uses his massive foot to knock Ragnarok down into the snow and then uses all of his might to bash in the face of Thor’s Clone and kill him. Thunderstrike dodges a punch from Orion and then comes down hard with his Thunderstrike hammer to break the Astro-Harness off of Orion. The 2 of them begin brawling after that with nothing but their amazing strength, but Thunderstrike comes out on top when the old god gets a hold of the new god and cracks his ultra durable neck. Thunderstrike grabs his hammer and stands victorious over the body of Orion, but he does not yet realize that he will not receive a break. Thunderstrike and Rulk begin battling fiercely with one another. Rulk is suited perfectly to the freezing cold climate of Hoth, where it makes it near impossible for him to overheat. Rulk ducks under Thunderstrike’s hammer and then grabs his arm and breaks it at the elbow. Rulk then delivers a massive chop to the neck of Thunderstrike which hits with such force that the not even the god of thunder can withstand the mortal wound. Luke blasts Krypto with pinpoint accuracy which sends him flying into the direction of Voltron. Voltron uses his massive sword to cut right thru the tough hide of the Kryptonian dog. Dark Phoenix sees the threat of the huge Voltron and flies in at the speed of light to meet him. Voltron in no way expects the miniscule looking Dark Phoenix to possess any where near the power needed to destroy him, but once Dark Phoenix unleashes the Phoenix force on the robot, he is instantly ripped apart and destroyed. Luke sees this amazing display of power and gets set for his attack run. Luke says: “Artoo, let’s get ready for our attack run, and by the way, this is a mighty fine gin and tonic, why don’t you mix me up another. Things are about to get messy”. Luke tries to fly in but his X-Wing is completely destroyed by just the mere remnants of the Phoenix power. Luke and R2 eject out of the X-Wing just in time before they are destroyed with it. Superman, like always holds his own against Doomsday as they trade massive hits back and forth. Comet and Streaks help out, but once Doomsday gets a good hold of them and crushes their heads together they are just not durable enough to withstand his attack. Galvatron knows that if his team is going to win this fight that they are going to need Superman so he transforms into his cannon form and blasts Doomsday. Doomsday gets back up, but once Superman sees what damage is done to Doomsday by the ranged attack he flies a few meters into the air and targets Doomsday with his heat vision. Superman then unleashes his heat vision like he has never done before while Galvatron helps him out with powerful laser blasts. When the smoke clears it is near impossible to even find a trace of Doomsday in the huge melted crater that the two members of TEAM created. Wolverine easily rips thru both R2-D2 and C-3P0 on his way to Luke. Luke draws his lightsaber and sticks it into Wolverine’s side but the mutant is able to roll with the hit. As Wolverine gets up with his healing factor already working on the wound he is able to rush in under Luke’s defenses and stab him in the chest. Galvatron transforms into his robot form and tries to target Darth Vader with his arm mounted cannon, but Vader uses the force to rip the massive weapon right off of the Decepticon. Vader then uses the force and his mechanical know-how to systematically crush and break every important part of Galvatron until his spark is extinguished. Vader orders all members of his team to regroup down on the ground while Superman hovers above them in the air. As a healed up Wolverine stands in the foreground with Dark Phoenix, Rulk, and Darth Vader behind him he says “Hey Supes! Let’s see ya come down and win this battle”. Superman feels a responsibility to avenge his fallen comrades, but instead he says to himself “No, I’d rather win the war”. Superman grabs an unconscious and half-frozen Jet Li out of a snow bank before he retreats back to base to fight another day.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS: BEEYATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Built Ford Tough vs The Abomitrons
Built Ford Tough is Han Solo & Chewbacca in a Snow Speeder, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Darkwing Duck, Aslan, Power Man, Iron Fist, E. Honda, USAgent, Barry Sanders & Mr. T in an AT-ST, Beta Ray Bill, The Flaming Carrot, Mr. T, Grapple, Solid Snake, Strong Guy, & Star Sapphire.
The Abomitrons are Hancock, Ewoks #49 & 51, Bucky, Ben Tennyson, Gwen, & Kevin, Wookie Soldier #31-36, Snow Trooper #26-45, Tim Cheveldae, Paul Coffey, Steve Yzerman, Bryan Murray, Olaf Kölzig, Cyborg Superman, Abin Sur, Rotta the Hutt, & Treasure Troll #17.
“Hoth?! You’re kidding me?! I hate Hoth!” exclaims Han Solo as Built Ford Tough is teleported to the frozen planet. To make matters worse, they are teleported to an area that is covered in a thick sheet of ice. They then see a blur of red and white streak around them and before they know it, Darkwing Duck is cut in half. The blur then stops to reveal himself… Paul Coffey. “That’s right. I’m Paul Coffey, yes I’m the real Coffey, all you other Paul Coffeys are just line changing,” says the fastest man on a pair of skates. “Oh, and I brought back up.” It’s at this point where Snowtroopers #26-45 come out of their hidings and start blasting Built Ford Tough. Grapple instinctively transforms into his truck mode to protect his team, but the Snowtroopers’ firepower is too much for the Autobot to withstand and he dies from the attack. “Alright team, let’s not let Grapple’s sacrifice be all for nothing. Attack!” yells Aslan the Lion. Han Solo and Chewbacca immediately take off in their Snow Speeder and start to fire on The Abomitrons. “Whoaaaa. Waa maa Warrgh,” growls Chewy. “Sorry Chewy, but I don’t think they had Wookies in mind when they built it,” replies Han. With one pass, they are able to take out Snowtroopers #26-30 and both Ewoks. Beta Ray Bill then flies into the air and launches several lightning bolts down killing Rotta the Hutt, Treasure Troll #17, and Wookie Soldiers #34-36. Barry Sanders and Mr. T, together in an AT-ST, blast Wookie Soldier #31 and Snowtroopers #37-40. “I pity da’ fool who’s not Built Ford Tough,” says Mr. T. The remaining Snowtroopers then rush Built Ford Tough’s camp and overwhelm E. Honda and The Flaming Carrot, but before they fall, they are able to kill Snowtroopers #44 and 45. Solid Snake then leaps in and single handedly kills Snowtroopers #31-36. The two Wookie Soldiers still left jump in and help Snowtroopers #41-43 finally kill Solid Snake. Mr. T and Barry Sanders are trying to kill Paul Coffey, Steve Yzerman and Bryan Murray, but Tim Cheveldae and Olaf Kölzig are blocking every blast with their Stark-Tech goalie pads. Abin Sur then comes up behind the AT-ST and uses his ring to create a giant hand that picks up the AT-ST like a curling stone and tosses it across the ice. Tim, Paul, Steve, and the Bry, along with Olie the Goalie, start yelling “Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!” as Abin Sur then creates huge green energy brooms that are sweeping the ice in front of the sliding AT-ST. “Incoming!” shouts USAgent as he sees the AT-ST sliding right for them. It crashes into Grapple’s body, exploding on impact and killing Mr. T, Barry Sanders, Diego, and Baby Jaguar. Star Sapphire then flies up and engages the Green Lantern. This however is really just a diversion, because Han Solo and Chewbacca fly up behind him and blast him out of the sky. They then do another run against The Abomitrons and take out both Gwen Tennyson and Kevin Levin. This sends Ben Tennyson into a rage and he turns into Humongousaur. He takes a chunk out of the Snow Speeder, which sends Han and Chewy crashing to the ground. They survive the crash, but the Snow Speeder’s toast. Star Sapphire then blasts a bolt of pink energy at The Abomitrons, but Paul Coffey is able to deflect it with his Stark-Tech hockey stick. Or at least that’s what he thought. Olaf Kölzig drops to the ground and bleeds out from an area of his neck that was unprotected. “Paul! You killed Olaf!” yells Bryan Murray. But before the defenseman can responds, Strong Guy comes charging in and knocks over Steve and Paul. He starts slamming his fists down on top of Tim Cheveldae, who luckily is able to withstand the blows due to his Stark-Tech padding. Steve then rips a hard slap shot right at Strong Guy and breaks his nose with the chunk of ice he just shot. The Captain then skates right towards Strong Guy and very un-Yzerman-like, he drives his stick right up underneath the chin of the mutant. “Whoa, I’ve heard of high-sticking before, but damn,” Hancock says to Steve. Power Man and Iron Fist attack the three remaining Snowtroopers and are able to dispatch them in a very straight and heterosexual way (Note: Ryatu is currently being sued by Luke Cage, who is claiming that the Watcher has defamed his name and ruined his reputation). Aslan the Lion then leaps onto the back of Wookie Soldier #32 and takes a fatal bite out of his neck. USAgent finishes off the last Wookie Soldier with a well-placed shield in the face. “Hancock! Hank! Get in there and help us! We’re getting killed!” yells the Captain. The two powerhouses first target Beta Ray Bill, or is it the other way around? I’m not sure, since all three of them clash high above the battlefield with great intensity. Beta Ray Bill strikes first and rips the right arm off of Cyborg Superman and follows it up with a hammer blow to Hancock’s sternum. Cyborg Superman then uses his heat vision to drive Beta Ray Bill back. Bill then tries to call down a powerful lightning bolt, but Hancock sees this attempt. “Oh no you don’t” he says to the Korbinite. Hancock at lightning fast speeds (pun totally intended) grabs Beta Ray Bill’s cape and whips him into the lightning bolt’s path. This gives Hancock and Cyborg Superman the opportunity they need. They attack Bill simultaneously and are finally able to defeat him. Beta Ray Bill’s body plummets to the ground. Hancock and Hank then split up to attack the rest of Built Ford Tough. Cyborg Superman makes extremely quick work of Star Sapphire, who tries to block his path back to the battle. Bucky then tries to attack USAgent. “Hey! I know Captain America, and buddy, you’re no Captain America,” says Bucky as he dropkicks USAgent. “You’re right. I’m not. I’m US F’n Agent,” replies the Captain America replacement as he crushes Bucky’s skull with his shield. He’s then rocked by a hard punch courtesy of Hancock. Power Man and Iron Fist try to lend a hand to their teammate. “Sorry, I don’t fight fairies,” says Hancock. This sends Power Man over the edge and he charges Hancock. He then however, quickly gets his neck snapped by the surly and most likely hung over Hancock. Cyborg Superman and Humongousaur then arrive to back Hancock up. Aslan the Lion feels that this battle is over for his team and orders the retreat.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is Iorek Byrninson, Black Adam, Parallax, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Albus Dumbledore, Bizarro Superman, The Cloverfield Monster, Rodimus Prime, Maxima, Rachel Ray in an Exo-Suit, & Ahmed Best.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Lobo, Rancor #1 & 2, Hawkman, Hawkgirl, The Power Puff Girls: Bubbles, Blossom. & Buttercup, Darkclaw, Lobo the Duck, Starro, The Technibots, Bob: Agent of HYDRA, Howard the Duck, & Aunt May.
The battle begins with Black Adam, Rodimus Prime, & Dumbledore discussing strategy. Black Adam looks to the other 2 and says: “Well this match ought to be quick, let’s see, we’ll have to blow up a couple of ewoks and teenagers and then watch some infomercial salesmen run away, right”? Rodimus replies with “tough talk, coming from a team who has never defeated them. Last I checked we have fought this team twice, and lost both times. So let’s not get cocky”. “We have to take each fight one at a time, let’s not worry about the past. We need to focus on the present if we are going to be victorious today”. Dumbledore adds. The 2 rancors, seem to be moving a little sluggishly thru the freezing landscape of Hoth which is why they are targeted by the Commandos first. Rodimus Prime and Cloverfield attack the 2 monsters quickly to take them out. Rodimus uses laser blasts while Cloverfield uses old fashioned brute force, but they both get the job done. With Ron Popeil back at the base, Howard the Duck is now ranking officer in the field. Col. Howard issues an order for all Murderflies to form up after they see their front line defeated so easily. The Murderflies briefly fall back, but then Col. Howard instantly orders his squad to go on the offensive. Col. Howard pulls his cigar out of his mouth to yell: “We haven’t lost to these guys yet, and we ain’t gonna do it on my watch”. Bob: Agent of HYDRA adds on a personal note: “yeah, and I owe Rachel Ray a good dose of revenge after the garbage bowl incident in Pre-Season, so everybody stay away from her, She’s Mine”! He no sooner says this, when Rachel Ray comes rolling up over Aunt May’s dead body (she just couldn’t handle the cold) in her Exo-Suit. Do to Bob’s typical “not so brave” attitude, it is safe to say he wouldn’t of made these last comments had he known that President Obama had supplied Rachel Ray with the team’s Exo-Suit (finally a President who gives the troops the supplies they need). Rachel Ray transforms into robot form and uses the suit’s built in lasers to blast Bob to pieces “How about some E.X.O.O. Bob” the cook turned talk show host yells as she blasts him with some Exo-oil as she calls the suit’s weaponry. Rachel Ray does a victory lap around the May and Bob’s dead bodies in rejoice of the second time she has killed the HYDRA Agent, but she doesn’t notice that The Technibots have just formed Computron and are heading her way (you know how sometimes you just don’t notice when a group of 5 huge robots form into one really huge gestalt robot…… It happens). Computron computes that Rachel Ray has a 0% probability of surviving as they stomp her and her Exo-Suit into the ground. Hawkman and Hawkgirl square off against Maxima, while Dumbledore starts dukeing it out with Lobo (I admit, I was just trying to think of a way to use the word duke in Nick & Mike’s match). Starro’s parasitic clones begin battling with Cloverfield’s similar creations while Starro himself attaches to the face of the Cloverfield monster to destroy him. Dave Bowman then flies thru Starro as if he is a ghost going thru a wall. It appears that nothing happens whatsoever from this attack until moments later when Starro completely disintegrates into mid-air. Parallax instills the fear that no one will ever remember Amalgam comics into the mind of Lobo the Duck which causes him to completely freak out. Parallax has no problem destroying the tough duck while he is huddled on the ground in fear. Dark Claw attacks Iorek Byrninson by using his claws to cut thru his armor but the huge polar bear uses the setting to his advantage as he knocks Dark Claw to the ground where the 2 combatants roll around in the ice and snow. Dark Claw stabs at Iorek twice, but neither of them prove fatal. The injured Byrninson then uses his powerful arms to pin Dark Claw to the ground and then bite the metamutant in the neck to kill him. Lobo attacks Dumbledore fiercely but the old man is quicker than he looks. Dumbledore uses a small spell to trip the main man and then finishes him off with a heavy dose of Gubraithian fire. Computron is triple teamed by Parallax, Black Adam, & Bizarro resulting in a devastating battle. The Power Puff Girls each rip off one of Ahmed Best’s limbs to use as a weapons as the beat the wounded Iorek Byrninson to death while Maxima delivers a nasty karate chop to Hawkman’s neck to take him out of commission. A furious Hawkgirl attacks Maxima, but doesn’t seem to be able to do any permanent damage. Computron manages to clap his huge metal hands together around Parallax to dispel his body of yellow energy, but the gestalt cannot withstand the pounding that is given to him by Black Adam and Bizarro. The Power Puff Girls fly in to help out Hawkgirl with Maxima, but Col. Howard decides that it is too late. With the death of The Technibots, the Murderflies fearless leader Howard the Duck issues the order for retreat.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS IS VICTORIOUS!
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Lobo, Rancor #1 & 2, Hawkman, Hawkgirl, The Power Puff Girls: Bubbles, Blossom. & Buttercup, Darkclaw, Lobo the Duck, Starro, The Technibots, Bob: Agent of HYDRA, Howard the Duck, & Aunt May.
The battle begins with Black Adam, Rodimus Prime, & Dumbledore discussing strategy. Black Adam looks to the other 2 and says: “Well this match ought to be quick, let’s see, we’ll have to blow up a couple of ewoks and teenagers and then watch some infomercial salesmen run away, right”? Rodimus replies with “tough talk, coming from a team who has never defeated them. Last I checked we have fought this team twice, and lost both times. So let’s not get cocky”. “We have to take each fight one at a time, let’s not worry about the past. We need to focus on the present if we are going to be victorious today”. Dumbledore adds. The 2 rancors, seem to be moving a little sluggishly thru the freezing landscape of Hoth which is why they are targeted by the Commandos first. Rodimus Prime and Cloverfield attack the 2 monsters quickly to take them out. Rodimus uses laser blasts while Cloverfield uses old fashioned brute force, but they both get the job done. With Ron Popeil back at the base, Howard the Duck is now ranking officer in the field. Col. Howard issues an order for all Murderflies to form up after they see their front line defeated so easily. The Murderflies briefly fall back, but then Col. Howard instantly orders his squad to go on the offensive. Col. Howard pulls his cigar out of his mouth to yell: “We haven’t lost to these guys yet, and we ain’t gonna do it on my watch”. Bob: Agent of HYDRA adds on a personal note: “yeah, and I owe Rachel Ray a good dose of revenge after the garbage bowl incident in Pre-Season, so everybody stay away from her, She’s Mine”! He no sooner says this, when Rachel Ray comes rolling up over Aunt May’s dead body (she just couldn’t handle the cold) in her Exo-Suit. Do to Bob’s typical “not so brave” attitude, it is safe to say he wouldn’t of made these last comments had he known that President Obama had supplied Rachel Ray with the team’s Exo-Suit (finally a President who gives the troops the supplies they need). Rachel Ray transforms into robot form and uses the suit’s built in lasers to blast Bob to pieces “How about some E.X.O.O. Bob” the cook turned talk show host yells as she blasts him with some Exo-oil as she calls the suit’s weaponry. Rachel Ray does a victory lap around the May and Bob’s dead bodies in rejoice of the second time she has killed the HYDRA Agent, but she doesn’t notice that The Technibots have just formed Computron and are heading her way (you know how sometimes you just don’t notice when a group of 5 huge robots form into one really huge gestalt robot…… It happens). Computron computes that Rachel Ray has a 0% probability of surviving as they stomp her and her Exo-Suit into the ground. Hawkman and Hawkgirl square off against Maxima, while Dumbledore starts dukeing it out with Lobo (I admit, I was just trying to think of a way to use the word duke in Nick & Mike’s match). Starro’s parasitic clones begin battling with Cloverfield’s similar creations while Starro himself attaches to the face of the Cloverfield monster to destroy him. Dave Bowman then flies thru Starro as if he is a ghost going thru a wall. It appears that nothing happens whatsoever from this attack until moments later when Starro completely disintegrates into mid-air. Parallax instills the fear that no one will ever remember Amalgam comics into the mind of Lobo the Duck which causes him to completely freak out. Parallax has no problem destroying the tough duck while he is huddled on the ground in fear. Dark Claw attacks Iorek Byrninson by using his claws to cut thru his armor but the huge polar bear uses the setting to his advantage as he knocks Dark Claw to the ground where the 2 combatants roll around in the ice and snow. Dark Claw stabs at Iorek twice, but neither of them prove fatal. The injured Byrninson then uses his powerful arms to pin Dark Claw to the ground and then bite the metamutant in the neck to kill him. Lobo attacks Dumbledore fiercely but the old man is quicker than he looks. Dumbledore uses a small spell to trip the main man and then finishes him off with a heavy dose of Gubraithian fire. Computron is triple teamed by Parallax, Black Adam, & Bizarro resulting in a devastating battle. The Power Puff Girls each rip off one of Ahmed Best’s limbs to use as a weapons as the beat the wounded Iorek Byrninson to death while Maxima delivers a nasty karate chop to Hawkman’s neck to take him out of commission. A furious Hawkgirl attacks Maxima, but doesn’t seem to be able to do any permanent damage. Computron manages to clap his huge metal hands together around Parallax to dispel his body of yellow energy, but the gestalt cannot withstand the pounding that is given to him by Black Adam and Bizarro. The Power Puff Girls fly in to help out Hawkgirl with Maxima, but Col. Howard decides that it is too late. With the death of The Technibots, the Murderflies fearless leader Howard the Duck issues the order for retreat.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS IS VICTORIOUS!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
The Syracuse Valley vs Xavier's Annihliation Squad
The Syracuse Valley is Omega Red, Darth Rave, Darth Techno, Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Baby Nightcrawler, Bossk, Sub-Zero, Jedi Guardian #3 w/ Jedi Padawan #37, Wald, Wingnut & Screwloose, Leebo, Mr. Game & Watch, Sonic the Hedgehog, Knuckles, Raiden w/ Kid Thunder, Rob Bartlett, Little Goomba #3-8, Dash Rendar in a Tie Bomber, Splinter, Doogle, Sockpin, Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, & Kree Soldier #1.
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Ursa, The White Witch, The Eradicator, Geo-Force, Avalanche, The Terrorcons, Metroplex, Darth Voltress & Darth Ocron.
The Syracuse Valley is teleported to the frozen tundra known as the Hoth System. They are forced to leave their Movie Transformers back in the locker room due to their weakness to the extreme cold. Which is most unfortunate, since they just caught a glimpse of Xavier’s Annihilation Squad’s defense, The Terrorcons and Metroplex. The White Witch sends the duo of Geo-Force and Avalanche out as the first wave of their attack. They use their powers to open up the ground beneath their opponents, which swallows Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, Little Goombas #3-8, Rob Bartlett, Doogle, Sockpin, Leebo, and Wald. Omega Red then leaps into action, knowing that this very well could be his final match. He wraps his carbonadium tentacles around Avalanche and Geo-Force, draining their life force, leaving them as empty husks and him stronger than before. The Terrorcons do not instantly merge and form Abominus as normal, but instead they transform into their monster modes and attack the Valley’s troops. They rip into and kill Bossk, Wingnut, Screwloose, Mr. Game & Watch, and Jedi Padawan #37. They then finally merge into Abominus, which is exactly what Sub-Zero was hoping for. He unleashes his full power at Abominus and seals him in a massive mountain of ice. Dash Rendar then flies in piloting a Tie Bomber, and blows up the Terrorcons with some bombs. In retaliation, Metroplex swats Dash out of the air as if he were a mosquito. The team of Ursa and Eradicator swoop in and are hot on the tails of Sonic the Hedgehog and Knuckles. No matter how fast they run, Sonic and Knuckles aren’t able to shake their aggressors. Ursa and Eradicator finally use their heat vision to end this race, as they blast the two speedy members of The Syracuse Valley in the backs of their heads. Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron then face off against Raiden and Kid Thunder. The two Sith Lords try to end the battle quickly by firing Sith Lightning at them, but this only fuels Raiden and Kid Thunder. They rechannel the lightning right back at them, which kills both Voltress and Ocron. The White Witch pulls her wand out and turns Jedi Guardian #3 and Kree Soldier #1 into stone. Darth Rave along with his apprentice, Darth Techno, then dodges the White Witch’s magic, and together they slice her into multiple pieces with their four lightsabers. Eradicator flies in extremely fast and rips Sub-Zero’s head and spine out of his body as Ursa tears Baby Nightcrawler in half before he can teleports away. Splinter finally comes out of his meditation and looks over the battlefield. He sees that though his team out-numbers the Annihilation Squad, they are extremely out-matched. Splinter turns to Nightcrawler and Nocturne and reluctantly orders a retreat. The two mutants teleport their teams out of the fight, which saves Omega Red and Darth Rave from their final deaths.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!
Better Than All of You Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
Better Than All of You is Gandalf the White, Grey Hulk, Gwar: Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmack da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazy P. Martini, Green Lantern, Thanos, Mephisto, Snake Eyes, Doc Holiday, Lex Luthor, Ghost Rider, & David Dunn.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Obi Wan Kenobi, Even Piell & Jedi Master #31 in a Snow Speeder, Gandalf the Gray, Wonder Woman, Alan Scott, Amazon (Princess Ororo), Power Girl, Coleman Trebor, Jedi Master #32 & 33, Aragorn son of Arathorn, Arwen Evenstar, & Pterri.
As the 2 teams are teleported to the ice world of Hoth, Gandalf the Gray gets the attention of Wonder Woman and says “remember Diana, I know that you feel you have a lot to prove after what happened last year against this team, but we shouldn’t act on those emotions”. Wonder Woman replies with “Listen Gandalf, do you have any idea, how much crap I have gotten over the last year, just from retreating from a match that I knew we couldn’t compete in. It took me almost an hour to convince Coach Bonaparte that I should even get the start this week. So thanks for the help Gandalf, I know you are trying to help, but I plan on going into this match and ripping this entire team apart by myself. If the rest of you want to come along, then that’s fine”. Power Girl walks up to where this private conversation takes place and says: “What’s up Gandalf? What are you doing, trying to talk Wonder Woman out of retreating again”? A fired up Wonder Woman looks at Power Girl and says “Listen up Power Girl, you weren’t even there last year, so don’t pretend like you know what you’re talking about. I saved a lot of lives that day, which is the opposite of what I’m going to do today. So don’t make me start with you”. “Alright, alright. We have a battle to fight, so lets stay focused” Aragorn says to quell the tension. On the other side of the battlefield, a similar situation is taking place. Green Lantern turns to Gandalf the White and says “you don’t think there is any chance, that they are going to retreat again, do you”? “I doubt it” Gandalf replies. “I know about what happened last year, but the brigade went on to the Universe Bowl after that, so I don’t think they have done much retreating since then AHHHHHHHHHH”. Oderus Urungus states as plainly as he can. Mephisto then says “besides, we all heard what they did to The Murderflies this year, after that monstrous display I don’t know how anyone can have anything but respect for this team”. Lex Luthor calls his troops to order as he sees the Brigade approaching: “Whatever you all think doesn’t matter. We’ll find out what they have in store for us soon enough, because here they come. Aragorn leads the ground assault with the team’s fliers flanking them from above. The 2 Gandalfs square off with each other almost instantly. Gandalf the Gray at first believes that he is about to fight Sarumon, but soon finds out that despite this person being the wielder of the white magic, it is in fact a different version of himself that he is fighting. Lex Luthor takes to the air in his heavily armored suit and begins shooting at the Even Piell flown Snow Speeder. Piell evades the larger blasts but is hit by some of Luthor’s fire. Piell’s gunner Jedi Master #31 attempts to target Luthor but is unable to. Luthor then hits the Speeder with a blast that causes a malfunction in the small ship. Jedi Master #31 tries to use the weaponry but the gun blows up in his face (I hear they have a tendency to do that). Even Piell crash lands the Snow Speeder and than hops out with his lightsaber ignited. Luthor makes a pass over Piell’s head to attempt a strafing run but Master Piell force leaps into the air and slices Lex Luthor in half. The little Lannik warrior lands on the ground when Johnny Blaze, the Ghost Rider comes racing in towards him. Ghost Rider tries to take the Jedi Master off guard but Piell is just to fast. Even Piell makes a quick parry and swings his lightsaber at Ghost Rider. The flaming motorcycle continues to blaze thru the snowy landscape past the Jedi even though Ghost Rider no longer has a head. Oderus Urungus grabs his giant mystical lag bolt, or whatever that thing is he used to carry around the comic con and leads Gwar into battle. They grab Pterri out of the air and rip him apart. They then pass the little pterodactyl around, taking turns taking bites out of his body. Wonder Woman wastes no time as she rushes in like a woman possessed. She instantly rips in half both Slymenstra Hymen and the Sexecutioner, before she kicks Sleazy P. Martini’s head off. The great Amazon warrior is energized by her anger, both from the verbal abuse she has taken over her retreat last year, and from the loss of Wonder Girl which is still so fresh in her mind. With a massive punch, she breaks off Balsac’s jaw of death, and then flattens Flattus Maximus. She is about to finish off the rest of Gwar when she sees that several of her teammates are in trouble. Mephisto is battling with Amazon, but the Amalgam universe heroine is not fairing to well against the demon. Amazon attempt to conjure up some massive winds to bring the snow against Mephisto, but Mephisto pushes thru it and then uses his raw physical strength to rip Amazon apart, bringing a huge smile to his face. Gandalf the White and Gandalf the Gray’s battle is obviously closely matched, but in the end Gandalf the White uses his superior powers and better understanding of the situation (having lived thru the change) to destroy his former self. While the 2 Gandalfs were fighting on the ground the 2 Green Lanterns were busy fighting each other in the air. The golden age and silver age lanterns shoot at each other with similar (but not exactly the same) blasts of green energy. Hal Jordan then proves that you don’t have to be the original to be the best as he shoots a saw blade of green energy at Alan Scott that cuts thru his head. Wonder Woman rushes in to help Power Girl in her battle with Thanos. Thanos blasts cosmic energy at the 2 feuding femmes to keep them at bay, but even in his arrogance, he secretly knows that he is somewhat outmatched by the double team. Thanos perches himself atop a large ice drift when Jedi Master Coleman Trebor sees an opening to take him out. In a daring move, Trebor ignites his lightsaber and jumps onto the elevated ice berg. Thanos is caught off guard, but before Master Trebor can attack, Doc Holiday pops out from behind Thanos and shoots Coleman Trebor so fast that the Jedi is unable to block the bullets. Thanos personally thanks Holiday and then takes to the air. At first he is unable to see where his opponents have flown off to, but they then come flying in toward him from opposite directions. Both Wonder Woman and Power Girl fly in as fast as they can toward Thanos. Despite Thanos’ incredible durability the 2 women use their strength and momentum to overpower it. Wonder Woman grabs a hold of Thanos’ head while Power Girl bear hugs his body as they fly by from opposite directions, resulting in the rough decapitation of The Mad Titan. Obi Wan leads Jedi Masters #32 & 33 against Grey Hulk. The rampaging Hulk jumps into action and crashes into the ground creating a small shockwave. Hulk smashes Tim (Jedi Master #32) into mush while Jedi Master #33 unsuccessfully attempts a force push towards the Hulk. Jedi Master #33 swings his lightsaber, grazing the Hulk but it just works to get him even madder. Hulk then grabs the Jedi by the head and squeezes it until it explodes. Obi Wan dodges the Hulk’s attacks and lands a few good hits with his lightsaber but he finds that although the saber damages the Hulk, he can’t seem to put it deep enough to do any permanent damage, due to the fact that the saber wants to get stuck in the Hulk’s hardened and leathery skin whenever he lands a hit (and the last thing Master Kenobi wants is to be stuck in close quarters with the Hulk, sans lightsaber). Hulk kicks up some snow with so much force that it knocks Kenobi to the ground. Hulk walks toward Kenobi to finish him off, but Obi Wan focuses his force powers on the 2 lightsabers of his fallen Jedi comrades. With as much force power as he can conjure, Kenobi uses the force to ignite the 2 lightsabers and stick them into the back of Hulk. Hulk lets out a scream from this attack which gives Obi Wan just enough time to jump up out of the snow and use his own lightsaber to cut off Hulk’s head. Arwen slices off the head of Jizmack da Gusha on her way to aid Aragorn against Snake Eyes. Snake Eyes’ ninja sword clashes with the 2 Middle Earth lovebirds, but he does not like the odds now that he is outnumbered. Snake Eyes ducks out of the way of Aragorn’s sword and sticks his into the chest of Arwen to even the odds. An enraged Aragorn rushes at Snake Eyes with Isilidor’s sword in one hand and his Elven knife in the other. Strider uses the sword that was broken and then forged again to knock Snake Eyes’ ninja sword out of his hand and then slits the throat of the G.I. Joe with his Elven Blade. Power Girl flies in to attack Mephisto while Wonder Woman lands to battle with David Dunn. Despite their exhaustion on both sides and Aragorn’s initial unwillingness to do so Aragorn, Obi Wan, & Even Piell all rush in to attack Gandalf the White. Wonder Woman and David Dunn begin pounding on one another with Wonder Woman landing more hits. Despite Wonder Woman’s superior Amazon fighting abilities she is still unable to do any real damage to David Dunn. As their fight continues, they tumble onto the ground causing their body heat to melt the ice around them. David Dunn continues to take the beating being dished out to him by Wonder Woman until she notices how much he is ill-affected by the small puddles being formed around them. As the ice cracks underneath them Wonder Woman sticks Dunn’s head into the freezing cold water drowning him and revealing his weakness. As Wonder Women gets up she can not help but notice how much David Dunn has reminded her of one of her favorite teammates which prompts her to say to David Dunn’s dead body: “Damn, you take a beating as well as John Mclaine”. Power Girl flies in toward Mephisto and attempts to blast him with her heat vision. Mephisto simply shrugs off this attack and then conjures an amazing amount of evil energy to reign hellfire down on Power Girl and completely vaporize her. Wonder Woman sees this and rushes in, still determined to even the score with Better Than All of You. She wraps the Lasso of Truth around the neck of Mephisto, but Mephisto grabs a hold of it and pulls her in closer. Mephisto then uses his immense strength and magical powers to actually rip the lasso and free himself. Mephisto then swings at Wonder Woman but she ducks out of the way and comes up with an uppercut to knock him to the ground. From the ground Mephisto says to her “this may be my last match, would you like me to say anything to Wonder Girl”? Wonder Woman yells: “Death, you shall have Mephisto, but you aren’t going to the same place as Wonder Girl”. After this comment Wonder Woman jumps into the air and pulls out her Hephaestus forged sword, driving it into the head of Mephisto. Gandalf the White initially holds steady against Aragorn and the 2 Jedi; but eventually, despite his immense power, he is overcome by the combined force of Kenobi, Piell, & Aragorn. Green Lantern flies down to aid his team, but once he sees that only Doc Holiday and 2 Gwar members remain he orders the retreat.
LE’ NAPOLEON BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Obi Wan Kenobi, Even Piell & Jedi Master #31 in a Snow Speeder, Gandalf the Gray, Wonder Woman, Alan Scott, Amazon (Princess Ororo), Power Girl, Coleman Trebor, Jedi Master #32 & 33, Aragorn son of Arathorn, Arwen Evenstar, & Pterri.
As the 2 teams are teleported to the ice world of Hoth, Gandalf the Gray gets the attention of Wonder Woman and says “remember Diana, I know that you feel you have a lot to prove after what happened last year against this team, but we shouldn’t act on those emotions”. Wonder Woman replies with “Listen Gandalf, do you have any idea, how much crap I have gotten over the last year, just from retreating from a match that I knew we couldn’t compete in. It took me almost an hour to convince Coach Bonaparte that I should even get the start this week. So thanks for the help Gandalf, I know you are trying to help, but I plan on going into this match and ripping this entire team apart by myself. If the rest of you want to come along, then that’s fine”. Power Girl walks up to where this private conversation takes place and says: “What’s up Gandalf? What are you doing, trying to talk Wonder Woman out of retreating again”? A fired up Wonder Woman looks at Power Girl and says “Listen up Power Girl, you weren’t even there last year, so don’t pretend like you know what you’re talking about. I saved a lot of lives that day, which is the opposite of what I’m going to do today. So don’t make me start with you”. “Alright, alright. We have a battle to fight, so lets stay focused” Aragorn says to quell the tension. On the other side of the battlefield, a similar situation is taking place. Green Lantern turns to Gandalf the White and says “you don’t think there is any chance, that they are going to retreat again, do you”? “I doubt it” Gandalf replies. “I know about what happened last year, but the brigade went on to the Universe Bowl after that, so I don’t think they have done much retreating since then AHHHHHHHHHH”. Oderus Urungus states as plainly as he can. Mephisto then says “besides, we all heard what they did to The Murderflies this year, after that monstrous display I don’t know how anyone can have anything but respect for this team”. Lex Luthor calls his troops to order as he sees the Brigade approaching: “Whatever you all think doesn’t matter. We’ll find out what they have in store for us soon enough, because here they come. Aragorn leads the ground assault with the team’s fliers flanking them from above. The 2 Gandalfs square off with each other almost instantly. Gandalf the Gray at first believes that he is about to fight Sarumon, but soon finds out that despite this person being the wielder of the white magic, it is in fact a different version of himself that he is fighting. Lex Luthor takes to the air in his heavily armored suit and begins shooting at the Even Piell flown Snow Speeder. Piell evades the larger blasts but is hit by some of Luthor’s fire. Piell’s gunner Jedi Master #31 attempts to target Luthor but is unable to. Luthor then hits the Speeder with a blast that causes a malfunction in the small ship. Jedi Master #31 tries to use the weaponry but the gun blows up in his face (I hear they have a tendency to do that). Even Piell crash lands the Snow Speeder and than hops out with his lightsaber ignited. Luthor makes a pass over Piell’s head to attempt a strafing run but Master Piell force leaps into the air and slices Lex Luthor in half. The little Lannik warrior lands on the ground when Johnny Blaze, the Ghost Rider comes racing in towards him. Ghost Rider tries to take the Jedi Master off guard but Piell is just to fast. Even Piell makes a quick parry and swings his lightsaber at Ghost Rider. The flaming motorcycle continues to blaze thru the snowy landscape past the Jedi even though Ghost Rider no longer has a head. Oderus Urungus grabs his giant mystical lag bolt, or whatever that thing is he used to carry around the comic con and leads Gwar into battle. They grab Pterri out of the air and rip him apart. They then pass the little pterodactyl around, taking turns taking bites out of his body. Wonder Woman wastes no time as she rushes in like a woman possessed. She instantly rips in half both Slymenstra Hymen and the Sexecutioner, before she kicks Sleazy P. Martini’s head off. The great Amazon warrior is energized by her anger, both from the verbal abuse she has taken over her retreat last year, and from the loss of Wonder Girl which is still so fresh in her mind. With a massive punch, she breaks off Balsac’s jaw of death, and then flattens Flattus Maximus. She is about to finish off the rest of Gwar when she sees that several of her teammates are in trouble. Mephisto is battling with Amazon, but the Amalgam universe heroine is not fairing to well against the demon. Amazon attempt to conjure up some massive winds to bring the snow against Mephisto, but Mephisto pushes thru it and then uses his raw physical strength to rip Amazon apart, bringing a huge smile to his face. Gandalf the White and Gandalf the Gray’s battle is obviously closely matched, but in the end Gandalf the White uses his superior powers and better understanding of the situation (having lived thru the change) to destroy his former self. While the 2 Gandalfs were fighting on the ground the 2 Green Lanterns were busy fighting each other in the air. The golden age and silver age lanterns shoot at each other with similar (but not exactly the same) blasts of green energy. Hal Jordan then proves that you don’t have to be the original to be the best as he shoots a saw blade of green energy at Alan Scott that cuts thru his head. Wonder Woman rushes in to help Power Girl in her battle with Thanos. Thanos blasts cosmic energy at the 2 feuding femmes to keep them at bay, but even in his arrogance, he secretly knows that he is somewhat outmatched by the double team. Thanos perches himself atop a large ice drift when Jedi Master Coleman Trebor sees an opening to take him out. In a daring move, Trebor ignites his lightsaber and jumps onto the elevated ice berg. Thanos is caught off guard, but before Master Trebor can attack, Doc Holiday pops out from behind Thanos and shoots Coleman Trebor so fast that the Jedi is unable to block the bullets. Thanos personally thanks Holiday and then takes to the air. At first he is unable to see where his opponents have flown off to, but they then come flying in toward him from opposite directions. Both Wonder Woman and Power Girl fly in as fast as they can toward Thanos. Despite Thanos’ incredible durability the 2 women use their strength and momentum to overpower it. Wonder Woman grabs a hold of Thanos’ head while Power Girl bear hugs his body as they fly by from opposite directions, resulting in the rough decapitation of The Mad Titan. Obi Wan leads Jedi Masters #32 & 33 against Grey Hulk. The rampaging Hulk jumps into action and crashes into the ground creating a small shockwave. Hulk smashes Tim (Jedi Master #32) into mush while Jedi Master #33 unsuccessfully attempts a force push towards the Hulk. Jedi Master #33 swings his lightsaber, grazing the Hulk but it just works to get him even madder. Hulk then grabs the Jedi by the head and squeezes it until it explodes. Obi Wan dodges the Hulk’s attacks and lands a few good hits with his lightsaber but he finds that although the saber damages the Hulk, he can’t seem to put it deep enough to do any permanent damage, due to the fact that the saber wants to get stuck in the Hulk’s hardened and leathery skin whenever he lands a hit (and the last thing Master Kenobi wants is to be stuck in close quarters with the Hulk, sans lightsaber). Hulk kicks up some snow with so much force that it knocks Kenobi to the ground. Hulk walks toward Kenobi to finish him off, but Obi Wan focuses his force powers on the 2 lightsabers of his fallen Jedi comrades. With as much force power as he can conjure, Kenobi uses the force to ignite the 2 lightsabers and stick them into the back of Hulk. Hulk lets out a scream from this attack which gives Obi Wan just enough time to jump up out of the snow and use his own lightsaber to cut off Hulk’s head. Arwen slices off the head of Jizmack da Gusha on her way to aid Aragorn against Snake Eyes. Snake Eyes’ ninja sword clashes with the 2 Middle Earth lovebirds, but he does not like the odds now that he is outnumbered. Snake Eyes ducks out of the way of Aragorn’s sword and sticks his into the chest of Arwen to even the odds. An enraged Aragorn rushes at Snake Eyes with Isilidor’s sword in one hand and his Elven knife in the other. Strider uses the sword that was broken and then forged again to knock Snake Eyes’ ninja sword out of his hand and then slits the throat of the G.I. Joe with his Elven Blade. Power Girl flies in to attack Mephisto while Wonder Woman lands to battle with David Dunn. Despite their exhaustion on both sides and Aragorn’s initial unwillingness to do so Aragorn, Obi Wan, & Even Piell all rush in to attack Gandalf the White. Wonder Woman and David Dunn begin pounding on one another with Wonder Woman landing more hits. Despite Wonder Woman’s superior Amazon fighting abilities she is still unable to do any real damage to David Dunn. As their fight continues, they tumble onto the ground causing their body heat to melt the ice around them. David Dunn continues to take the beating being dished out to him by Wonder Woman until she notices how much he is ill-affected by the small puddles being formed around them. As the ice cracks underneath them Wonder Woman sticks Dunn’s head into the freezing cold water drowning him and revealing his weakness. As Wonder Women gets up she can not help but notice how much David Dunn has reminded her of one of her favorite teammates which prompts her to say to David Dunn’s dead body: “Damn, you take a beating as well as John Mclaine”. Power Girl flies in toward Mephisto and attempts to blast him with her heat vision. Mephisto simply shrugs off this attack and then conjures an amazing amount of evil energy to reign hellfire down on Power Girl and completely vaporize her. Wonder Woman sees this and rushes in, still determined to even the score with Better Than All of You. She wraps the Lasso of Truth around the neck of Mephisto, but Mephisto grabs a hold of it and pulls her in closer. Mephisto then uses his immense strength and magical powers to actually rip the lasso and free himself. Mephisto then swings at Wonder Woman but she ducks out of the way and comes up with an uppercut to knock him to the ground. From the ground Mephisto says to her “this may be my last match, would you like me to say anything to Wonder Girl”? Wonder Woman yells: “Death, you shall have Mephisto, but you aren’t going to the same place as Wonder Girl”. After this comment Wonder Woman jumps into the air and pulls out her Hephaestus forged sword, driving it into the head of Mephisto. Gandalf the White initially holds steady against Aragorn and the 2 Jedi; but eventually, despite his immense power, he is overcome by the combined force of Kenobi, Piell, & Aragorn. Green Lantern flies down to aid his team, but once he sees that only Doc Holiday and 2 Gwar members remain he orders the retreat.
LE’ NAPOLEON BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!
The Untouchables vs. George Washington's Slaves
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 9 Match: The Untouchables vs. George Washington's Slaves.
I look in the locker room of The Untouchables. The Untouchables are Onslaught, Deadpool, Megatron, Sinestro (green ring), Tomar Tu, The Constructicons, She-Ra with Swiftwind, Madam Razz with Broom, She-Hulk, Captain Cold and Xio Jade.
Megatron: We need to hand the Slaves another loss. It will knock them off their self-righteous perch and allow us to climb in the standings and one step closer to the playoffs!
Xio Jade: I serve at the will of the Untouchables’ owner. I will not disappoint during the final weeks of our league’s second year.
Madam Razz: I just want to make a little nice with Santa!
I look into the locker room of George Washington’s Slaves. The Slaves are Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in a Snow Speeder, Agen Kolar, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Santa Claus and Corbin Dallas with Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen, Ki Adi Mundi, Yoda with Kybuck, Neo, Shaak Ti, Sifo Dyas and Jedi Master #1.
Yoda: Today are we assured of another victory if together we work!
Dallas: Nothing is going to stand in the way of Santa and me kicking some Untouchable butt!!!
I transport the teams to the icy battlefield of Hoth. . .
Santa Claus and Corbin Dallas ride on Santa’s sleigh, carried in the air by Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen. Madam Razz sees the two in their sleigh and pulls up alongside on her broom.
Claus: Look at that piece of a@@ Corbin!
Dallas: You’re a happily married man Santa. Don’t even think about it!
Claus: Remember what mama says: Look, but don’t touch.
Dallas: Remember what Dallas says: Avoid the temptation.
With that comment, Dallas pulls a gun on Razz. Razz reacts just in time and places a spell on the weapon before it is fired. Instead of a bullet being fired from the gun, a bouquet of flowers pops out of the barrel.
Razz (taking the flowers): Why thank you young man!
Razz flies away and Dallas is left fuming. Dallas and Claus focus on another target. They fly the sleigh down toward She-Ra riding Swiftwind. She-Ra sees the sleigh storming at her and fails to react in time. Although she draws her sword, Santa uses his sleigh’s skis to slice She-Ra’s sword arm off. Santa comes around again and although She-Ra avoids the skis, she cannot avoid the reindeers’ hooves as they trample her head and crush her skull. She-Ra’s dead body falls off the horse. Dallas jumps off the sled and onto Swiftwind. He rides Swiftwind right into Yoda and his Kybuck. Yoda, holding on the Kybuck with one arm, uses his other arm to slice Swiftwind’s stomach. The horse’s intestines fall out and Swiftwind dies. Dallas manages to escape any injury as the horse dies.
Onslaught looks to the sky and sees Santa’s sleigh. He uses his powers of magnetism to crumple the sleigh together like a tin can. Santa is trapped in the sleigh and is crushed inside the vehicle. As the sleigh plummets to the tundra below, Megatron and the Constructicons (as Devastator) take pot shots at the reindeer. Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen are blasted to bits by the Transformers.
Madam Razz flies by the Snow Speeder which holds Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar. The Star Wars duo decides that due to the “temptation” caused by Razz aimed at their beloved Santa, they are going to get back at her. Thus, they fly at Razz. As they chase the witch on her broom, they are followed by flying lanterns, Tomar Tu and Sinestro.
Antilles: She’s going to be in my sights in a minute.
Tomar Tu and Sinestro begin to use their rings. They create projectiles which pummel the Speeder.
Antilles: We’re taking some hits!
Ackbar: Stay on target!
Sinestro strikes the strut of the Snow Speeder, causing the vehicle to shake.
Antilles: We can’t take another hit like that!
Ackbar: Stay on target!
Tomar Tu and Sinestro combine their ring powers and smash the right wing, causing the Speeder to rock violently.
Antilles: We need to pull away!
Ackbar: Stay on target!
Tomar Tu and Sinestro combine their ring powers again to smash the left wing.
Antilles: We’re going to crash!
Ackbar: Stay on target!
Antilles manages to fire his proton torpedoes. They torpedoes find their mark and disintegrate Madam Razz on her broom. As Antilles and Ackbar celebrate their victory over the witch, their Speeder explodes into a ball of fire. The lanterns fly away toward another skirmish.
Corbin Dallas is walking on the snowy ground and meets Deadpool. The two draw their weapons and repeatedly fire at one another. Each mercenary jumps behind a giant snowdrift. The two stick their heads and guns out, sporadically firing at their enemy. Deadpool decides that enough time has been wasted already, and uses his skills to fire through the snowdrift that Dallas is hiding behind. The bullet smashes through Dallas’ skull. Dallas crumples to the floor, blood pumping out of his skull.
Xio Jade meets Jedi Master #1. The two battle and their lightsabers spark off one another. Jade eventually uses her dark abilities and fighting skills to best Jedi Master #1. As Jedi Master #1 dies, Jade is confronted by Agen Kolar, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Shaak Ti and Sifo Dyas. Jade cannot take on all of the Jedi at one time. The Jedi come together and with their combined force abilities and training, kill Jade. She-Hulk and Captain Cold come to the scene. Captain Cold uses his cold blasters to freeze the legs of Ben Skywalker. She-Hulk then pounds on the young Jedi until he dies. Captain Cold then fires at Cade Skywalker, but is not so lucky as Cade uses his mastery of both the light and dark sides of the force to deflect the blast back at Cold. Captain Cold is nearly frozen when Ki Adi Mundi puts him out of his misery and slices him in half. She-Hulk manages to avoid the saber of Sifo Dyas and kills him. She-Hulk then falls victim to the combined Jedi: Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Agen Kolar and Shaak Ti.
Neo sees Deadpool walking away from his fresh Dallas kill. Neo uses his Matrix abilities to escape the barrage of fire from Deadpool’s guns and kills the marksman. Megatron comes to the scene in robot mode and blows Neo away. Megatron is then joined by Devastator (Constructicons’ gestalt) and both focus on the Jedi across the battlefield.
Yoda joins his other Jedi brethren. Together they sense the battle nearing an end. They come together in an attack-circle formation, ready to face their enemy. Yoda sends his Kybuck away. The beast does not make it far as Megatron fires at the steed and blows the beast to pieces.
Devastator and Megatron are joined by Onslaught, Sinestro and Tomar Tu. They face the Jedi: Agen Kolar, Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Yoda and Shaak Ti. The Jedi focus their abilities on the lanterns Sinestro and Tomar Tu. The lanterns use their rings to throw a barrage of ring projectiles at the Jedi. The Jedi manage to deflect a majority of them back at the lanterns and at the Transformers. Sinestro and Tomar Tu fall to their own powers, injured, but not dead. Yoda spectacularly spins and twirls in the air and in an acrobatic instant kills Tomar Tu. Before Yoda can kill Sinestro, Sinestro escapes behind Devastator. Devastator and Megatron focus their weaponry on Yoda, but Yoda manages to avoid the fire and reaches his teammates.
The Jedi, all of their lightsabers ignited, face the Untouchables, ready for the final onslaught. Speaking of Onslaught, the mutant uses his abilities to rip all of the Jedi’s lightsabers away from their hands. Megatron and Devastator unleash their weaponry on the Jedi. Shaak Ti and Agen Kolar are killed.
Yoda (looking at his remaining Jedi teammates): Know we must when to retreat. Fight another day, we shall.
Cade Skywalker: We can do this Master Yoda!
Yoda: But at what cost, young Skywalker? At what cost?
Skywalker grudgingly shrugs. The remaining Slaves: Yoda, Cade Skywalker and Ki Adi Mundi, retreat.
Slaves: Yoda, Cade Skywalker and Ki Adi Mundi alive.
Untouchables: Onslaught, Megatron, Sinestro (green ring) and Constructicons alive.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
I look in the locker room of The Untouchables. The Untouchables are Onslaught, Deadpool, Megatron, Sinestro (green ring), Tomar Tu, The Constructicons, She-Ra with Swiftwind, Madam Razz with Broom, She-Hulk, Captain Cold and Xio Jade.
Megatron: We need to hand the Slaves another loss. It will knock them off their self-righteous perch and allow us to climb in the standings and one step closer to the playoffs!
Xio Jade: I serve at the will of the Untouchables’ owner. I will not disappoint during the final weeks of our league’s second year.
Madam Razz: I just want to make a little nice with Santa!
I look into the locker room of George Washington’s Slaves. The Slaves are Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in a Snow Speeder, Agen Kolar, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Santa Claus and Corbin Dallas with Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen, Ki Adi Mundi, Yoda with Kybuck, Neo, Shaak Ti, Sifo Dyas and Jedi Master #1.
Yoda: Today are we assured of another victory if together we work!
Dallas: Nothing is going to stand in the way of Santa and me kicking some Untouchable butt!!!
I transport the teams to the icy battlefield of Hoth. . .
Santa Claus and Corbin Dallas ride on Santa’s sleigh, carried in the air by Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen. Madam Razz sees the two in their sleigh and pulls up alongside on her broom.
Claus: Look at that piece of a@@ Corbin!
Dallas: You’re a happily married man Santa. Don’t even think about it!
Claus: Remember what mama says: Look, but don’t touch.
Dallas: Remember what Dallas says: Avoid the temptation.
With that comment, Dallas pulls a gun on Razz. Razz reacts just in time and places a spell on the weapon before it is fired. Instead of a bullet being fired from the gun, a bouquet of flowers pops out of the barrel.
Razz (taking the flowers): Why thank you young man!
Razz flies away and Dallas is left fuming. Dallas and Claus focus on another target. They fly the sleigh down toward She-Ra riding Swiftwind. She-Ra sees the sleigh storming at her and fails to react in time. Although she draws her sword, Santa uses his sleigh’s skis to slice She-Ra’s sword arm off. Santa comes around again and although She-Ra avoids the skis, she cannot avoid the reindeers’ hooves as they trample her head and crush her skull. She-Ra’s dead body falls off the horse. Dallas jumps off the sled and onto Swiftwind. He rides Swiftwind right into Yoda and his Kybuck. Yoda, holding on the Kybuck with one arm, uses his other arm to slice Swiftwind’s stomach. The horse’s intestines fall out and Swiftwind dies. Dallas manages to escape any injury as the horse dies.
Onslaught looks to the sky and sees Santa’s sleigh. He uses his powers of magnetism to crumple the sleigh together like a tin can. Santa is trapped in the sleigh and is crushed inside the vehicle. As the sleigh plummets to the tundra below, Megatron and the Constructicons (as Devastator) take pot shots at the reindeer. Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen are blasted to bits by the Transformers.
Madam Razz flies by the Snow Speeder which holds Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar. The Star Wars duo decides that due to the “temptation” caused by Razz aimed at their beloved Santa, they are going to get back at her. Thus, they fly at Razz. As they chase the witch on her broom, they are followed by flying lanterns, Tomar Tu and Sinestro.
Antilles: She’s going to be in my sights in a minute.
Tomar Tu and Sinestro begin to use their rings. They create projectiles which pummel the Speeder.
Antilles: We’re taking some hits!
Ackbar: Stay on target!
Sinestro strikes the strut of the Snow Speeder, causing the vehicle to shake.
Antilles: We can’t take another hit like that!
Ackbar: Stay on target!
Tomar Tu and Sinestro combine their ring powers and smash the right wing, causing the Speeder to rock violently.
Antilles: We need to pull away!
Ackbar: Stay on target!
Tomar Tu and Sinestro combine their ring powers again to smash the left wing.
Antilles: We’re going to crash!
Ackbar: Stay on target!
Antilles manages to fire his proton torpedoes. They torpedoes find their mark and disintegrate Madam Razz on her broom. As Antilles and Ackbar celebrate their victory over the witch, their Speeder explodes into a ball of fire. The lanterns fly away toward another skirmish.
Corbin Dallas is walking on the snowy ground and meets Deadpool. The two draw their weapons and repeatedly fire at one another. Each mercenary jumps behind a giant snowdrift. The two stick their heads and guns out, sporadically firing at their enemy. Deadpool decides that enough time has been wasted already, and uses his skills to fire through the snowdrift that Dallas is hiding behind. The bullet smashes through Dallas’ skull. Dallas crumples to the floor, blood pumping out of his skull.
Xio Jade meets Jedi Master #1. The two battle and their lightsabers spark off one another. Jade eventually uses her dark abilities and fighting skills to best Jedi Master #1. As Jedi Master #1 dies, Jade is confronted by Agen Kolar, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Shaak Ti and Sifo Dyas. Jade cannot take on all of the Jedi at one time. The Jedi come together and with their combined force abilities and training, kill Jade. She-Hulk and Captain Cold come to the scene. Captain Cold uses his cold blasters to freeze the legs of Ben Skywalker. She-Hulk then pounds on the young Jedi until he dies. Captain Cold then fires at Cade Skywalker, but is not so lucky as Cade uses his mastery of both the light and dark sides of the force to deflect the blast back at Cold. Captain Cold is nearly frozen when Ki Adi Mundi puts him out of his misery and slices him in half. She-Hulk manages to avoid the saber of Sifo Dyas and kills him. She-Hulk then falls victim to the combined Jedi: Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Agen Kolar and Shaak Ti.
Neo sees Deadpool walking away from his fresh Dallas kill. Neo uses his Matrix abilities to escape the barrage of fire from Deadpool’s guns and kills the marksman. Megatron comes to the scene in robot mode and blows Neo away. Megatron is then joined by Devastator (Constructicons’ gestalt) and both focus on the Jedi across the battlefield.
Yoda joins his other Jedi brethren. Together they sense the battle nearing an end. They come together in an attack-circle formation, ready to face their enemy. Yoda sends his Kybuck away. The beast does not make it far as Megatron fires at the steed and blows the beast to pieces.
Devastator and Megatron are joined by Onslaught, Sinestro and Tomar Tu. They face the Jedi: Agen Kolar, Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Yoda and Shaak Ti. The Jedi focus their abilities on the lanterns Sinestro and Tomar Tu. The lanterns use their rings to throw a barrage of ring projectiles at the Jedi. The Jedi manage to deflect a majority of them back at the lanterns and at the Transformers. Sinestro and Tomar Tu fall to their own powers, injured, but not dead. Yoda spectacularly spins and twirls in the air and in an acrobatic instant kills Tomar Tu. Before Yoda can kill Sinestro, Sinestro escapes behind Devastator. Devastator and Megatron focus their weaponry on Yoda, but Yoda manages to avoid the fire and reaches his teammates.
The Jedi, all of their lightsabers ignited, face the Untouchables, ready for the final onslaught. Speaking of Onslaught, the mutant uses his abilities to rip all of the Jedi’s lightsabers away from their hands. Megatron and Devastator unleash their weaponry on the Jedi. Shaak Ti and Agen Kolar are killed.
Yoda (looking at his remaining Jedi teammates): Know we must when to retreat. Fight another day, we shall.
Cade Skywalker: We can do this Master Yoda!
Yoda: But at what cost, young Skywalker? At what cost?
Skywalker grudgingly shrugs. The remaining Slaves: Yoda, Cade Skywalker and Ki Adi Mundi, retreat.
Slaves: Yoda, Cade Skywalker and Ki Adi Mundi alive.
Untouchables: Onslaught, Megatron, Sinestro (green ring) and Constructicons alive.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. Alice's Wonder Team
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 9 Match: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. Alice's Wonder Team.
I look into the locker room of The Kennelz and see Mace Windu, Jade, Green Lanterns #1, 2, 4 and 5, Dexter the Dog, Justin Oblak, Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano, The Inhumans: Black Bolt, Medusa, Triton and Karnak, Brandon Inge and Dark Jedi Masters #31-33.
Mace Windu: We need this win. Let the Force guide us to victory!
Anakin Skywalker: I concur Master Windu.
Dexter the Dog barks an encouraging wuff.
I then look into the locker room of Alice's Wonder Team. I see Vampires #1-19.
Vampire #4: Is our owner really serious?!?
Vampire #11: He sure is! We did okay the last time out!
Vampire #7: We can do it again!
I transport the teams to the icy wastelands of Hoth. . .
Ahsoka Tano: Is the Wonder Team’s owner serious?!?!
Across the battlefield, Vampire #4 can be heard: Hey, I said that too.
Skywalker: I heard about throwing a match for draft position, but this is ridiculous!
Windu: Ridiculous or not, we still have to win.
Windu ignites his lightsaber and leads the Kennelz squad into battle. The Star Wars entourage creates a triangular formation. Windu is the tip, followed by Skywalker and Tano, followed by Dark Jedi Masters #31-33. Windu meets the first of the Vampires and decapitates Vampires #3 and 12. Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano follow Windu and destroy Vampires #1, 10, 14 and 18. In the rear, Dark Jedi Masters #31-33 kill Vampires # 2, 5, 8, 11 and 19.
Immediately after the Jedi rip through the vampires, Green Lanterns #1, 2, 4 and 4 use their rings to lift Vampires # 4, 9 and 13 into the air. The Lanterns drop them in the midst of Justin Oblak, Dexter the Dog and Brandon Inge. Inge breaks his bat in two over his knee and throw Oblak one half of the Louisville Slugger. Oblak and Inge use the sharpened ends to pierce the hearts and destroy Vampires #4 and 9. Dexter the Dog rips the head off of Vampire # 13.
Jade joins with the Inhumans in the Kennelz last skirmish with the Vampires. Jade and Karnak use their combined fighting abilities to destroy Vampire # 6. Triton skewers Vampire #7 and Medusa uses her hair to rip off the head of Vampire # 15. Black Bolt then unleashes his voice which shreds apart Vampires # 16 and 17.
Wonder Team: All dead.
Kennelz: All survive.
MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURVE IS VICTORIOUS!!!
I look into the locker room of The Kennelz and see Mace Windu, Jade, Green Lanterns #1, 2, 4 and 5, Dexter the Dog, Justin Oblak, Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano, The Inhumans: Black Bolt, Medusa, Triton and Karnak, Brandon Inge and Dark Jedi Masters #31-33.
Mace Windu: We need this win. Let the Force guide us to victory!
Anakin Skywalker: I concur Master Windu.
Dexter the Dog barks an encouraging wuff.
I then look into the locker room of Alice's Wonder Team. I see Vampires #1-19.
Vampire #4: Is our owner really serious?!?
Vampire #11: He sure is! We did okay the last time out!
Vampire #7: We can do it again!
I transport the teams to the icy wastelands of Hoth. . .
Ahsoka Tano: Is the Wonder Team’s owner serious?!?!
Across the battlefield, Vampire #4 can be heard: Hey, I said that too.
Skywalker: I heard about throwing a match for draft position, but this is ridiculous!
Windu: Ridiculous or not, we still have to win.
Windu ignites his lightsaber and leads the Kennelz squad into battle. The Star Wars entourage creates a triangular formation. Windu is the tip, followed by Skywalker and Tano, followed by Dark Jedi Masters #31-33. Windu meets the first of the Vampires and decapitates Vampires #3 and 12. Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano follow Windu and destroy Vampires #1, 10, 14 and 18. In the rear, Dark Jedi Masters #31-33 kill Vampires # 2, 5, 8, 11 and 19.
Immediately after the Jedi rip through the vampires, Green Lanterns #1, 2, 4 and 4 use their rings to lift Vampires # 4, 9 and 13 into the air. The Lanterns drop them in the midst of Justin Oblak, Dexter the Dog and Brandon Inge. Inge breaks his bat in two over his knee and throw Oblak one half of the Louisville Slugger. Oblak and Inge use the sharpened ends to pierce the hearts and destroy Vampires #4 and 9. Dexter the Dog rips the head off of Vampire # 13.
Jade joins with the Inhumans in the Kennelz last skirmish with the Vampires. Jade and Karnak use their combined fighting abilities to destroy Vampire # 6. Triton skewers Vampire #7 and Medusa uses her hair to rip off the head of Vampire # 15. Black Bolt then unleashes his voice which shreds apart Vampires # 16 and 17.
Wonder Team: All dead.
Kennelz: All survive.
MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURVE IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Horsemen of Apokolips vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 9 Match: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
I look into the locker room of The Horsemen of Apokolips. The Horsemen are Darkseid, Supergirl, Superboy Prime, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master, Sinestro, Madeline Pryor, Emma Frost, Phoenix (Rachel Summers), Bellatrix Lestrange, Parasite and Larry Reamer.
Bellatrix: I cannot wait to use Avada Kedavra! It has been awhile since I have last spoken those words. . .
Darkseid: Your killing curse will assist us in our victory, but it is the raw power of this team that will crush all those who stand in our way!
Reamer (looking at Emma Frost): If you play your cards right and we win this match Emma, I’ll show you my raw power!
Sinestro: Remember what our owner said! No retreat! This is a death match!
I then look into the locker room of the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. The Midgets are Magneto, Count Dooku, Darth Yardigan, Asajj Ventress, Omega Supreme, X-23, Superboy, Wonder Man, Rogue, Nightwing in the (Modern Age) Batmobile, Wicket W. Warrick, Ewok #41 and Bill Kelly.
Magneto: We face a formidable team, but a team that we are able to beat!
Bill Kelly: With my skills I will beat them all off!!!!
Dooku: Remember. Our master does not tolerate a “retreat” by any member of his squad!
I transport the teams to the icy wastelands of the planet Hoth. . .
Parasite tunnels through the frozen tundra. Parasite springs from the frosty ground right next to Bill Kelly. Parasite touches Kelly and realizes that he has no super powers to absorb. Parasite throws Kelly across the ground in frustration. Kelly is shaken, but unharmed. Parasite sees Superboy across the battleground and burrows again. He rises from the snowy ground and realizes that he has mistakenly calculated where the Kryptonian actually is. Instead of rising next to Superboy, he rises next to Omega Supreme. Omega sees Parasite, who is unable to absorb any energy or super powers from the Transformer. Omega unloads all of his weapons into Parasite and kills him.
Wicket W. Warrick and Ewok #41 rush at who they believe is the easiest prey on the Horsemen – Larry Reamer. They surround Reamer and begin to jab at him with their spears. Ewok #41 manages to graze Reamer’s knee. Reamer reaches into his tool belt and pulls out a hatchet and claw hammer. With the skills of an experienced roofer, he throws his weapons at the Ewoks. Although both Ewok #41 and Wicket are struck by the tools, they are only injured. Sensing that Reamer cannot pull his nail gun out in time to kill them both, the Ewoks charge. Madeline Pryor and Rachel Summers spring into action. Pryor uses her psionic energy to crush Ewok #41. Summers uses her phoenix force to destroy Wicket.
Reamer: Thanks for the assistance ladies. Maybe I could help the both of you later.
Pryor: In your dreams Reamer.
Bellatrix Lestrange sees Bill Kelly walking on the battlefield.
Lestrange: Perfect! Avada Kedavra!
Lestrange unleashes the killing curse at an unsuspecting Kelly. As the curse is about to strike Kelly, Nightwing drives up in the Batmobile. The Batmobile deflects the spell. The female Death Eater is infuriated and screams the spell at the two men. The two men jump behind the Batmobile and the spell dissipates again. Lestrange runs at the men, knowing that she will be able to take one of them out before the battle is done. She does not see Magneto who is watching the entire event transpire. Magneto uses his powers to raise the Batmobile and then have it then fall on Lestrange. Lestrange is crushed by the vehicle.
Grayson: Thanks Mags!
Magneto (magnetically tinkering with the vehicle in order to fix any defects caused by Lestrange’s crushing): Anytime young Grayson and Kelly.
Grayson and Kelly jump into the Batmobile and ride at Luke Skywalker. Grayson pulls no stops as he unleashes his weapons at the Grand Jedi Master. As the Batmobile is about to plow Skywalker down, the Jedi, at the last instant, jumps away and uses his lightsaber to slice the left front and back wheels. The Batmobile careens out of control and Grayson and Kelly are thrown from the vehicle. The Batmobile crashes and goes up in flames. Grayson and Kelly face Skywalker.
Skywalker: Retreat and you will survive today.
Grayson: Not an option friend!
Skywalker: Very well. I promise to make this painless on you both.
As Skywalker approaches the two, he is met by Count Dooku, Darth Yardigan and Asajj Ventress who have rushed to the scene.
Skywalker: You should have stayed on your team of origin Yardigan.
Yardigan: I’m sure you’ve heard Skywalker, the mighty Beckerman team has fallen without me. Look at the standings yourself. 4-4. A disgrace!
Skywalker: Your pomposity never ceases to amaze me.
Yardigan rushes at Skywalker. Skywalker avoids the Sith’s lightsaber and slices him in half.
Skywalker (looking at the halved Yardigan): And neither does your lack of skill Yardigan.
Dooku and Ventress both attack Skywalker at the same time. Skywalker manages to block and parry the blows of the Sith Lord and his apprentice. As Dooku comes in for a death blow, Skywalker dodges and decapitates Dooku. While Skywalker is focused on Dooku for a second, Ventress manages to slice Luke’s mechanical hand off. Luke switches his lightsaber to his other hand and finishes Ventress off. The Grand Jedi Master is still more than enough for a mere Sith acolyte. Wounded, but not bleeding, Skywalker walks to the other combatants and is met by Superboy. Superboy uses his strength to strike Luke. Luke is propelled by the force into the sky; he also loses his lightsaber in the process. As Skywalker sails away, he uses the force to reach out to his lightsaber. The lightsaber flies to Skywalker, but Skywalker is like a clay pigeon in the air. His lightsaber reaches him too late as Omega Supreme blasts him in the sky. As Skywalker reaches the ground, X-23 uses her claws to slice Skywalker apart. The Grand Jedi Master dies.
As Superboy is flying, he is met by Supergirl, Superboy Prime and Sinestro. Outmatched, Superboy is thinking of what to do when he is luckily joined by his teammates, Wonder Man and Rogue. Superboy fights Superboy Prime. The two are evenly matched and one Kryptonian does not get the better of the other. It is not until Supergirl enters the fray when Superboy loses ground and is pummeled by the two. Superboy Prime and Supergirl manage to kill Superboy. Rogue flies to Supergirl and holds her in a vice-like grip. Rogue manages to touch Supergirl on the skin and absorbs her powers. Supergirl, at the contact, falls to the ground in a daze. Bill Kelly walks over to Supergirl. He admires how beautiful she is and thinks that it is a shame he must kill her. Before he takes his nail gun out, X-23 jumps in front of Kelly and takes advantage of the weakened Supergirl. X-23 finishes Supergirl off.
Sinestro sees Wonder Man and uses his ring to form a huge projected fist. The fist comes at Wonder Man, full force.
Wonder Man: Not the face!
Too late - as the fist smashes Wonder Man. Wonder Man hits the snowy ground and slowly gets up. He is met by Darkseid who uses the Omega Force and his psionic powers to kill Wonder Man. Sinestro smiles at the demise of Wonder Man when he feels a force tug on his ring finger. Sinestro whirls to the ground, carried by his ring. It is Magneto, using his powers to capture the ring and force Sinestro down. As Sinestro crashes to the ground, the ring is ripped off his finger. Sinestro screams at the agony of losing his finger and the humiliation of losing his ring. His screaming is short lived as Omega Supreme blasts and kills him.
Meanwhile Nightwing meets Emma Frost. He fires one of his bat-weapons at her. She transforms her body into its diamond form. The bat-weapon is deflected back at Nightwing, who is injured. As Emma Frost walks up to Nightwing, she is joined by Larry Reamer.
Reamer: I guess the commercials are true. A diamond is a girl’s best friend.
Frost: Give it a rest.
Frost, still in diamond form, uses her hand to pierces through Nightwing’s heart; he is instantly killed. Emma Frost morphs out of her diamond form, into flesh. This is a mistake as Magneto uses X-23’s adamantium laced skeleton to his advantage and “throws” X-23 (using her metal-covered skeleton as a means) at Frost. X-23 mortally wounds Frost and she dies. X-23 approaches Reamer when she in confronted by Madeline Pryor and Rachel Summers. Although X-23 has the regenerative healing factor, the Goblin Queen and Phoenix are too much for her and she succumbs to their combined abilities.
Reamer: Thanks again ladies.
Pryor: Don’t mention it.
Summers: Let’s finish this!
Rogue, with the abilities of Supergirl, confronts both Pryor and Summers. She is nearly impervious to the psionic and phoenix blasts of the women and manages to kill Pryor. Superboy Prime comes to the scene. Since Rogue was only able to hold Supergirl for a short period of time, her Supergirl powers lapse and it is now Rogue against Superboy Prime. Superboy Prime does not allow Rogue to touch him before he kills her.
Omega Supreme comes to the scene and uses all of his weapons against Phoenix. He manages to destroy Summers. Nonetheless, he succumbs to the brute force and powers of Superboy Prime. As in a match before, Magneto uses the pieces of Omega Supreme as a cornucopia of mechanized weaponry. Magneto sends the pieces of Omega at the Horsemen. The Transformer pieces shred Superboy Prime and Darkseid, mortally wounding each. Although at death’s door, Darkseid does not meet his doom before using his final psionic blast to kill Magneto.
Bill Kelly and Larry Reamer are the last men standing on the Hoth battlefield.
Reamer: I’ve been waiting for this Kelly.
Kelly: Actions are louder than words Reamer!
Kelly throws a hatchet which lops off Reamer’s right hand. Reamer screams in pain and shrugs it off.
Reamer: Just a flesh wound!
Reamer responds by throwing a claw hammer, which rips into Kelly’s left shoulder. Kelly’s arm is hanging by a mere sinewy muscle. He screams and shrugs off the pain.
Kelly: Still have my right one!
Kelly, with his right hand, fires his nail gun repeatedly. The nails rip into both of Reamer’s legs. Reamer falls to the ground.
Reamer: Still have my torso and left hand!
Reamer, with his left hand, throws a hatchet, which manages to strike Kelly’s right arm, causing it to go limp. Reamer, miraculously, then takes a roofer’s crowbar out of his tool belt and chucks it at Kelly’s legs, crushing both kneecaps. Kelly falls to the ground, screams and lures himself out of the haze that is overtaking him.
Kelly and Reamer (in unison): I’m going to kill you!!!!
The two men roll on their torsos at one another. As they meet, Kelly manages to use his teeth to rip off Reamer’s left ear. Reamer though, uses his mouth to latch onto Kelly’s neck and rips into his flesh. He severs the carotid artery. Kelly bleeds out and dies.
Horsemen: Larry Reamer alive.
Midgets: All dead.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!!
I look into the locker room of The Horsemen of Apokolips. The Horsemen are Darkseid, Supergirl, Superboy Prime, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master, Sinestro, Madeline Pryor, Emma Frost, Phoenix (Rachel Summers), Bellatrix Lestrange, Parasite and Larry Reamer.
Bellatrix: I cannot wait to use Avada Kedavra! It has been awhile since I have last spoken those words. . .
Darkseid: Your killing curse will assist us in our victory, but it is the raw power of this team that will crush all those who stand in our way!
Reamer (looking at Emma Frost): If you play your cards right and we win this match Emma, I’ll show you my raw power!
Sinestro: Remember what our owner said! No retreat! This is a death match!
I then look into the locker room of the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. The Midgets are Magneto, Count Dooku, Darth Yardigan, Asajj Ventress, Omega Supreme, X-23, Superboy, Wonder Man, Rogue, Nightwing in the (Modern Age) Batmobile, Wicket W. Warrick, Ewok #41 and Bill Kelly.
Magneto: We face a formidable team, but a team that we are able to beat!
Bill Kelly: With my skills I will beat them all off!!!!
Dooku: Remember. Our master does not tolerate a “retreat” by any member of his squad!
I transport the teams to the icy wastelands of the planet Hoth. . .
Parasite tunnels through the frozen tundra. Parasite springs from the frosty ground right next to Bill Kelly. Parasite touches Kelly and realizes that he has no super powers to absorb. Parasite throws Kelly across the ground in frustration. Kelly is shaken, but unharmed. Parasite sees Superboy across the battleground and burrows again. He rises from the snowy ground and realizes that he has mistakenly calculated where the Kryptonian actually is. Instead of rising next to Superboy, he rises next to Omega Supreme. Omega sees Parasite, who is unable to absorb any energy or super powers from the Transformer. Omega unloads all of his weapons into Parasite and kills him.
Wicket W. Warrick and Ewok #41 rush at who they believe is the easiest prey on the Horsemen – Larry Reamer. They surround Reamer and begin to jab at him with their spears. Ewok #41 manages to graze Reamer’s knee. Reamer reaches into his tool belt and pulls out a hatchet and claw hammer. With the skills of an experienced roofer, he throws his weapons at the Ewoks. Although both Ewok #41 and Wicket are struck by the tools, they are only injured. Sensing that Reamer cannot pull his nail gun out in time to kill them both, the Ewoks charge. Madeline Pryor and Rachel Summers spring into action. Pryor uses her psionic energy to crush Ewok #41. Summers uses her phoenix force to destroy Wicket.
Reamer: Thanks for the assistance ladies. Maybe I could help the both of you later.
Pryor: In your dreams Reamer.
Bellatrix Lestrange sees Bill Kelly walking on the battlefield.
Lestrange: Perfect! Avada Kedavra!
Lestrange unleashes the killing curse at an unsuspecting Kelly. As the curse is about to strike Kelly, Nightwing drives up in the Batmobile. The Batmobile deflects the spell. The female Death Eater is infuriated and screams the spell at the two men. The two men jump behind the Batmobile and the spell dissipates again. Lestrange runs at the men, knowing that she will be able to take one of them out before the battle is done. She does not see Magneto who is watching the entire event transpire. Magneto uses his powers to raise the Batmobile and then have it then fall on Lestrange. Lestrange is crushed by the vehicle.
Grayson: Thanks Mags!
Magneto (magnetically tinkering with the vehicle in order to fix any defects caused by Lestrange’s crushing): Anytime young Grayson and Kelly.
Grayson and Kelly jump into the Batmobile and ride at Luke Skywalker. Grayson pulls no stops as he unleashes his weapons at the Grand Jedi Master. As the Batmobile is about to plow Skywalker down, the Jedi, at the last instant, jumps away and uses his lightsaber to slice the left front and back wheels. The Batmobile careens out of control and Grayson and Kelly are thrown from the vehicle. The Batmobile crashes and goes up in flames. Grayson and Kelly face Skywalker.
Skywalker: Retreat and you will survive today.
Grayson: Not an option friend!
Skywalker: Very well. I promise to make this painless on you both.
As Skywalker approaches the two, he is met by Count Dooku, Darth Yardigan and Asajj Ventress who have rushed to the scene.
Skywalker: You should have stayed on your team of origin Yardigan.
Yardigan: I’m sure you’ve heard Skywalker, the mighty Beckerman team has fallen without me. Look at the standings yourself. 4-4. A disgrace!
Skywalker: Your pomposity never ceases to amaze me.
Yardigan rushes at Skywalker. Skywalker avoids the Sith’s lightsaber and slices him in half.
Skywalker (looking at the halved Yardigan): And neither does your lack of skill Yardigan.
Dooku and Ventress both attack Skywalker at the same time. Skywalker manages to block and parry the blows of the Sith Lord and his apprentice. As Dooku comes in for a death blow, Skywalker dodges and decapitates Dooku. While Skywalker is focused on Dooku for a second, Ventress manages to slice Luke’s mechanical hand off. Luke switches his lightsaber to his other hand and finishes Ventress off. The Grand Jedi Master is still more than enough for a mere Sith acolyte. Wounded, but not bleeding, Skywalker walks to the other combatants and is met by Superboy. Superboy uses his strength to strike Luke. Luke is propelled by the force into the sky; he also loses his lightsaber in the process. As Skywalker sails away, he uses the force to reach out to his lightsaber. The lightsaber flies to Skywalker, but Skywalker is like a clay pigeon in the air. His lightsaber reaches him too late as Omega Supreme blasts him in the sky. As Skywalker reaches the ground, X-23 uses her claws to slice Skywalker apart. The Grand Jedi Master dies.
As Superboy is flying, he is met by Supergirl, Superboy Prime and Sinestro. Outmatched, Superboy is thinking of what to do when he is luckily joined by his teammates, Wonder Man and Rogue. Superboy fights Superboy Prime. The two are evenly matched and one Kryptonian does not get the better of the other. It is not until Supergirl enters the fray when Superboy loses ground and is pummeled by the two. Superboy Prime and Supergirl manage to kill Superboy. Rogue flies to Supergirl and holds her in a vice-like grip. Rogue manages to touch Supergirl on the skin and absorbs her powers. Supergirl, at the contact, falls to the ground in a daze. Bill Kelly walks over to Supergirl. He admires how beautiful she is and thinks that it is a shame he must kill her. Before he takes his nail gun out, X-23 jumps in front of Kelly and takes advantage of the weakened Supergirl. X-23 finishes Supergirl off.
Sinestro sees Wonder Man and uses his ring to form a huge projected fist. The fist comes at Wonder Man, full force.
Wonder Man: Not the face!
Too late - as the fist smashes Wonder Man. Wonder Man hits the snowy ground and slowly gets up. He is met by Darkseid who uses the Omega Force and his psionic powers to kill Wonder Man. Sinestro smiles at the demise of Wonder Man when he feels a force tug on his ring finger. Sinestro whirls to the ground, carried by his ring. It is Magneto, using his powers to capture the ring and force Sinestro down. As Sinestro crashes to the ground, the ring is ripped off his finger. Sinestro screams at the agony of losing his finger and the humiliation of losing his ring. His screaming is short lived as Omega Supreme blasts and kills him.
Meanwhile Nightwing meets Emma Frost. He fires one of his bat-weapons at her. She transforms her body into its diamond form. The bat-weapon is deflected back at Nightwing, who is injured. As Emma Frost walks up to Nightwing, she is joined by Larry Reamer.
Reamer: I guess the commercials are true. A diamond is a girl’s best friend.
Frost: Give it a rest.
Frost, still in diamond form, uses her hand to pierces through Nightwing’s heart; he is instantly killed. Emma Frost morphs out of her diamond form, into flesh. This is a mistake as Magneto uses X-23’s adamantium laced skeleton to his advantage and “throws” X-23 (using her metal-covered skeleton as a means) at Frost. X-23 mortally wounds Frost and she dies. X-23 approaches Reamer when she in confronted by Madeline Pryor and Rachel Summers. Although X-23 has the regenerative healing factor, the Goblin Queen and Phoenix are too much for her and she succumbs to their combined abilities.
Reamer: Thanks again ladies.
Pryor: Don’t mention it.
Summers: Let’s finish this!
Rogue, with the abilities of Supergirl, confronts both Pryor and Summers. She is nearly impervious to the psionic and phoenix blasts of the women and manages to kill Pryor. Superboy Prime comes to the scene. Since Rogue was only able to hold Supergirl for a short period of time, her Supergirl powers lapse and it is now Rogue against Superboy Prime. Superboy Prime does not allow Rogue to touch him before he kills her.
Omega Supreme comes to the scene and uses all of his weapons against Phoenix. He manages to destroy Summers. Nonetheless, he succumbs to the brute force and powers of Superboy Prime. As in a match before, Magneto uses the pieces of Omega Supreme as a cornucopia of mechanized weaponry. Magneto sends the pieces of Omega at the Horsemen. The Transformer pieces shred Superboy Prime and Darkseid, mortally wounding each. Although at death’s door, Darkseid does not meet his doom before using his final psionic blast to kill Magneto.
Bill Kelly and Larry Reamer are the last men standing on the Hoth battlefield.
Reamer: I’ve been waiting for this Kelly.
Kelly: Actions are louder than words Reamer!
Kelly throws a hatchet which lops off Reamer’s right hand. Reamer screams in pain and shrugs it off.
Reamer: Just a flesh wound!
Reamer responds by throwing a claw hammer, which rips into Kelly’s left shoulder. Kelly’s arm is hanging by a mere sinewy muscle. He screams and shrugs off the pain.
Kelly: Still have my right one!
Kelly, with his right hand, fires his nail gun repeatedly. The nails rip into both of Reamer’s legs. Reamer falls to the ground.
Reamer: Still have my torso and left hand!
Reamer, with his left hand, throws a hatchet, which manages to strike Kelly’s right arm, causing it to go limp. Reamer, miraculously, then takes a roofer’s crowbar out of his tool belt and chucks it at Kelly’s legs, crushing both kneecaps. Kelly falls to the ground, screams and lures himself out of the haze that is overtaking him.
Kelly and Reamer (in unison): I’m going to kill you!!!!
The two men roll on their torsos at one another. As they meet, Kelly manages to use his teeth to rip off Reamer’s left ear. Reamer though, uses his mouth to latch onto Kelly’s neck and rips into his flesh. He severs the carotid artery. Kelly bleeds out and dies.
Horsemen: Larry Reamer alive.
Midgets: All dead.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Week 9: Retreat Week
Setting: Hoth
Points: 400
Prize: An Ornithopter
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
-Built Ford Tough Vs. The Abomitrons
-Better Than All of You Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
-The Untouchables Vs. George Washington's Slaves
-Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. TEAM
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Right Wing
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
Points: 400
Prize: An Ornithopter
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
-Built Ford Tough Vs. The Abomitrons
-Better Than All of You Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
-The Untouchables Vs. George Washington's Slaves
-Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. TEAM
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Right Wing
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
The Untouchables Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
The Untouchables are Megatron, Deadpool, Broadside, Horatio Caine, Aphrodite, Merlin, Dr. Light, Ursula, She-Ra, Swift Wind, Madam Razz, Broom, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officer #11 & 12, Navy Seal #33-37, Captain Cold, Onslaught, Sinestro (w/ green ring), Tomar Tu, Beast Man, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl, Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, & Karate Kid.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Fin Fang Foom, Black Bolt, Karnak, Crystal, Triton, Jade, Green Lantern #1-2 & 4-5, Beast Boy, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officer #14, Navy Seal #45-50, The Wonder Twins, The Predicons, Galactus & Nova, The Matrix Twins, Jack Bauer & Curtis Manning in a Swift Boat.
The entire Untouchables team begins the match on top of Broadside in his aircraft carrier mode. Deadpool screams at the top of his lungs to rally his troops: “Alright everybody, listen up! This one is for Bea Arthur! We can give nothing but our best to honor the life and career of not only the greatest actress to ever grace television or the silver screen, but also the most beautiful woman in human history. Yes that includes mutants as well. No offense to Syrin, whatever team she is on. So anyway, give em hell Untouchables” (Deadpool pulls out his ninja sword) “I declare this sword in the servitude of Queen Arthur”! Horatio Caine then puts on the sunglasses of justice and says: “I think… This girl just gave us a golden opportunity” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). Deadpool responds with: “Am I crazy or is The Who playing in the background”. “How about yes and yes” replies She-Ra. As The Untouchables rally around their new found victory incentive, they take a defensive posture, knowing that the Kennelz will be hard pressed to take out the now heavily fortified Broadside. Fin Fang Foom & The Predicons pop out of the water as the first wave of the Kennelz offensive. Jade, the green lanterns, Galactus, & Nova hang back in the air about 100 meters above the water to see how this initial strike works while Jack Bauer has taken point in controlling the offensive from the swift boat below them that is being driven by his partner Curtis Manning. The Predicons merge to form Prediking but they are immediately pulled back apart by Onslaught, the only difference is that they do not separate back into 5 pieces but more like 105 pieces as Onslaught uses his magnetic powers to rip the gestalt apart. Deadpool turns to Megatron and says: “Don’t worry bud, I’m sure he couldn’t do that to you. And if he did, I’d light him up Caine style: Right Horatio”. Horatio Caine quickly pulls his sunglasses back off, just so he can put them back on and say: “What can I say about magnetic powers Wade. They sure are attractive” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). Galactus sees this massive display of power and decides that something must be done. His herald, Nova turns to her master and says: “Shall I destroy him Galactus”? “No, I think I shall” Galactus replies as he begins to fly over to meet Onslaught. Onslaught knows why Galactus is approaching before he is even within sight distance so he flies up to meet him. The 2 powerhouses engage in a battle that’s shock waves alone would be powerful enough to kill most super-powered beings. Onslaught breaks into the mind of Galactus and begins disrupting his omnipotent thought process in a way that no being Galactus has ever encountered has been able to do. Onslaught then simultaneously uses his magnetic powers to begin attacking the armor of the great devourer of worlds. Galactus gives out an immense squeal of pain, but he then goes off. Growing in size the last cosmic entity from the previous universe proves that there is only room for one unstoppable bad guy in the Marvel Universe as he focuses his cosmic energy not toward his opponent but instead sucks Onslaught in closer. Galactus then uses his powers to consume the mixed creation known as Onslaught. As Galactus finishes this exhausting battle he finds that the power he has consumed has left him as satisfied as if he had just consumed an entire planet. Dr. Light, Sinestro, Tomar Tu, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, & Phantom Girl take flight from the deck of Broadside while Jade, The Green Lanterns, Black Bolt, & Nova take to the air as well. Sinestro begins battling with all 4 Green Lanterns while Tomar Tu takes on Jade. Black Bolt uses his super human powers to blast right thru Lightning Lad on his way to battle with Cosmic Boy, while Nova flies circles around a frustrated Dr. Light. Phantom Girl flies back toward the water to do battle with The Twins. The Twins and Phantom Girl try to hit each other but it is difficult as they are all intangible. Back and forth they swing at each other…………. God, what an annoying fight this is to write. A trio of people who can’t be touched trying to touch each other. I guess I’ll come back to this later. Sinestro is far superior to the 4 green lanterns he is battling with. Green Lantern #2, a 6’ 9’’ tall minotaur looking creature named Kalbo from a distant planet was actually trained by Sinestro and knows first hand how formidable a green lantern he is. Sinestro blows Green Lantern #4 away with ease and then flies around the other 3 as if he is toying with them. Tomar Tu and jade have trouble hitting each other with any attacks as they both zip thru the air. Tomar Tu misses jade with a green energy blast in the shape of a meteorite, but jade counters with a magical blast of green energy that takes out Tomar Tu for good. Sinestro is still having little difficulty keeping the 3 green lanterns at bay, but the scales become significantly tipped once Jade comes I to lend a hand. The 4 of them band together to attack Sinestro knowing that they may not be able to defeat him one on one but that there strength is in numbers. Sinestro manages to take out G.L #5 as well, but in the end the other lanterns are able to restrain and eventually kill the green lantern champion. Dr. Light finds out the hard way that his powers are simply not strong enough to damage Nova as she flies toward him breaking thru his attack and then thru his body. Fin Fang Foom attacks The Untouchables floating homestead in true awkward giant monster fashion. The huge alien monster slams his giant fists on to the deck of Broadside killing Swift Wind, Saturn Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, Bouncing Boy, and all 3 parts of Triplicate Girl. Horatio Caine rallies his forces by putting his sunglasses on and saying: “monsters are like problems, you just can’t avoid the big ones” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). The Navy Seals open fire on the huge monster, who is now just pounding on Broadside and doing much damage to the Autobot. Merlin lends a little distance magic to the fight to help while Megatron shoots at the monster with his arm cannon. Megatron inflicts quite a bit of damage on the creature which causes him to realize that he needs just a little bit more power. Megatron yells to his top dawg Deadpool that they need to finish this problem off. Megatron transforms into his gun form and is caught by Deadpool. Deadpool holds the oversized gun and begins to take aim at Fin Fang Foom but before he can shoot Horatio Caine runs up to him and grabs Megatron out of his hands. Horatio hands Deadpool the sunglasses of justice and takes aim at Fin Fang Foom. Caine double taps the much oversized pistol and puts 2 intense laser blasts into the eyes of Fin Fang Foom to bring him down for good. Megatron transforms back into robot form and Horatio grabs his sunglasses off of Deadpool’s face. Deadpool screams “Bull’s-eye”! But Horatio puts his sunglasses back on and says “No Wade, more like Alien-eye”. (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). The Untouchables jump for joy as they witness the death of Fin Fang Foom, but they soon realize that the small victory did not come quick enough. Megatron tries to bark an order at Broadside when the team realizes that Broadside is already dead from the massive damage inflicted by Foom and that he is beginning to sink. Captain Cold freezes a good sized portion of the water to give the team a place to jump to while their Transformer ship sinks, which saves them all (Megatron takes flight because he is to big for the ice creation), but it is not quite as defensible a base as Broadside was. Black Bolt and Cosmic Boy have been battling for some time when Cosmic Boy uses his powers of magnetism to pick up a large chunk of what was once his teammate Broadside and uses it to skewer Black Bolt. Beast Man learns the name of Beast Boy and thinks to himself that he should easily win that fight just do to their names, but in this setting it is not as easy as he thinks. Beast Man pulls out his sword and jumps into the water after Beast Boy but Beast Boy turns into a large sword fish and runs the Eternian thru. Ursula has been laying low under the water for the entire match when she decides that it is time for her to make her appearance known. She begins battling with Triton deep below the surface in what makes for a very close match-up. Ursula uses both her magic and her tentacles to attack Triton but The Inhuman’s swimming abilities make him to fast to hit. Triton swims up behind Ursula and gets her in a strangle hold, he then uses his super-human strength to break the neck of the water witch. Jade leads the green lanterns in to attack Phantom Girl who is still involved in her pseudo fight with the twins. Jade uses her ring less green lantern powers to rematerialize Phantom Girl for a brief second while Kalbo and his beautiful Twileck counterpart Green Lantern #1 blast a huge amount of green energy her way. This works to destroy Phantom Girl but inadvertently destroys their teammates the twins as well. Jack and Curtis drive up to the ice and drop off their Navy Seals, but before they can drive away and regroup the rest of their forces Horatio Caine jumps into action. He runs up to Karate Kid and says “let’s go legionnaire; Hey, what’s your name again”? “Karate Kid sir” the Karate Kid responds. Horatio stops in mid-run and puts his sunglasses on. He then says “Ohhhh. Really, when I was your age they called me the karate Man” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). Horatio and The Karate Kid jump on to the Swift Boat as it drives away. The Kennelz Navy Seals jump on to the ice and instantly take out their target Captain Cold (modern day pirate style). The Navy Seals have to give up a lot of potential safe cover as they complete their mission, which allows The Untouchables Navy Seals, who outnumber them as it is to take them all out with a little help from Merlin. Only Navy Seal #35 dies from the return fire. Karnak sneaks up on to the ice next and stealthily takes out Navy Seal #36, but Deadpool notices him and attacks. Karnack and Deadpool engage in a fierce hand to hand battle, but Deadpool seems to gain the upper hand as the merc with a mouth yells “For Maude”! While he is sticking his sword into the neck of Karnack. Crystal uses her powers of air and water manipulation to quickly melt the ice which is keeping a good amount of The Untouchables out of the water. Zan & Jayna touch to activate their Wonder Twin powers. Zan takes the form of a whirlpool that easily sucks in Merlin and drowns him while Jayna turns into a shark along with Beast Boy who does the same. After this double transformation the 2 sharks easily consume the rest of the floating Navy Seals including their 2 Non-Commissioned Officers. Cosmic Boy flies low, just barely above the water, but Triton jumps out of the water and brings Cosmic Boy back down with him. Once underwater Cosmic Boy does not stand a chance against Triton who easily overpowers him. Triton is about to attack Deadpool in an attempt to avenge his cousin when he is suddenly drawn in by the powers of Aphrodite. The goddess of love takes control of his mind to the point that all he can think about is her perfect body and beautiful persona. Once Triton comes in close to gain his prize Aphrodite turns on him and uses her Mount Olympian strength to break not only his heart but also his head. Crystal sees what is going on and knows that she needs to stop the goddess before she destroys every man on the Kennelz. Crystal’s numerous powers have gotten her mistaken for a god in the past so she has little fear as she rushes this true god, knowing that she gets to face her in a setting that is much more suitable to her than it is to Aphrodite. Crystal then manipulates the water around them to such a degree that even Aphrodite with her godly abilities is unable to keep from being overtaken by the amazing power of water. Crystal wishes to stand tall after her victory, but she finds it difficult to stand as tall as she used to after She-Ra lops off her head. Galactus has grown tired of waiting for the fight to be over and has finally regained some of his lost strength from his brawl to settle it all with Onslaught. He and Nova fly back in toward the battle and they use their combined cosmic powers to destroy Megatron and She-Ra as if they were nothing more than the action figures on Ryan’s dresser. Galactus’ apathetic regard for any lesser beings causes him to not notice Zan who was sneaking up behind them in whirlpool form. Zan is also killed in the cosmic explosion. Deadpool jumps onto the back of Jayna (still in shark form) and sticks a grenade in the shark’s mouth. Jayna blows up, but before Deadpool can completely recover from the explosion and do the same to Beast Boy; Beast Boy bites his head clean off with his razor sharp teeth. The Karate Kid jumps at Jack Bauer, but Bauer has more martial arts skills and training than one may think. Jack jumps out of the way of Karate Kid’s karate kick and then brings his head down hard onto the side of the free-floating swift boat. Jack then pulls out his Sig-Saur P229 and blows off Karate Kid’s head. Jack radios back to his teammates to tell them to regroup, but he realizes that the radios are dead and that he is going to have to handle this problem by himself. Madam Razz and Broom have hung back this entire match so they could have their chance for revenge against Jack Bauer. They fly in as fast as they can, but Jack takes aim and blasts Madam Razz right between the eyes. Broom then tries to attack Jack on its own, but Jack dodges out of the way and then grabs Broom out of the air and then cracks it in half over his knee. Curtis and Horatio have both lost their weapons in their struggle with one another when Jack approaches and says “Curtis! Back off, let me give you a hand”. Curtis responds with “No Jack, this is personal. I’m gonna close this match up” “We never close” Horatio says as he kicks Curtis in the groin, then grabs his head and breaks his neck in one swift motion. Jack points his gun at Horatio and yells “Give it up Caine”! But Horatio pulls off his sunglasses and throws them at Jack’s hands, knocking the gun out of his hand and sending it in to the water. Horatio Caine then reaches into his pocket and pulls out another pair of sunglasses. He puts them on and says “If you want to make the grade, you gotta throw the shades” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). Jack then looks at Horatio and nods while he picks up both halves of Broom and tosses one to Horatio. The 2 of them then begin fighting with the 2 broom stick ends which ends up being one of the most epic melee battles in human history. I had no idea that either of these men were so skilled in half-broomstick fighting, but much like their television shows the skills of these 2 men never cease to amaze. As the 2 battle back and forth I think to myself that this makes the Yoda/Dooku fight from episode 2 look like 2 teenage jocks pushing each other at a high school party in hopes that their girlfriends will break them up. It makes Ali/Frasier look like me, Chris, & Ryan Burke dragging Jared up Nate’s stairway. It even makes the fight between Arnold and Bennet at the end of Commando look like a fat guy who is half stuck in his lawn chair at a back yard BBQ slowly reach over to smack an aging horse fly. It makes……. Well never mind, I think you get my drift. Horatio kicks Jack in the chest and sends him into the controls of the boat. Horatio then tries to come down hard on Jack’s head with his end of the broom but Jack gets out of the way just in time. Jack, who has now maneuvered himself behind Horatio, kicks him in the back of the knee which brings him down onto the ground of the floor board of the boat. Once exposed Jack takes the cracked end of his broom and jams it into the jugular vein of Horatio Caine. Jack Bauer then takes the sunglasses off of Horatio Caine and says “Say hello to Madam Razz for me”.
MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURVE ARE VICTORIOUS!
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Fin Fang Foom, Black Bolt, Karnak, Crystal, Triton, Jade, Green Lantern #1-2 & 4-5, Beast Boy, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officer #14, Navy Seal #45-50, The Wonder Twins, The Predicons, Galactus & Nova, The Matrix Twins, Jack Bauer & Curtis Manning in a Swift Boat.
The entire Untouchables team begins the match on top of Broadside in his aircraft carrier mode. Deadpool screams at the top of his lungs to rally his troops: “Alright everybody, listen up! This one is for Bea Arthur! We can give nothing but our best to honor the life and career of not only the greatest actress to ever grace television or the silver screen, but also the most beautiful woman in human history. Yes that includes mutants as well. No offense to Syrin, whatever team she is on. So anyway, give em hell Untouchables” (Deadpool pulls out his ninja sword) “I declare this sword in the servitude of Queen Arthur”! Horatio Caine then puts on the sunglasses of justice and says: “I think… This girl just gave us a golden opportunity” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). Deadpool responds with: “Am I crazy or is The Who playing in the background”. “How about yes and yes” replies She-Ra. As The Untouchables rally around their new found victory incentive, they take a defensive posture, knowing that the Kennelz will be hard pressed to take out the now heavily fortified Broadside. Fin Fang Foom & The Predicons pop out of the water as the first wave of the Kennelz offensive. Jade, the green lanterns, Galactus, & Nova hang back in the air about 100 meters above the water to see how this initial strike works while Jack Bauer has taken point in controlling the offensive from the swift boat below them that is being driven by his partner Curtis Manning. The Predicons merge to form Prediking but they are immediately pulled back apart by Onslaught, the only difference is that they do not separate back into 5 pieces but more like 105 pieces as Onslaught uses his magnetic powers to rip the gestalt apart. Deadpool turns to Megatron and says: “Don’t worry bud, I’m sure he couldn’t do that to you. And if he did, I’d light him up Caine style: Right Horatio”. Horatio Caine quickly pulls his sunglasses back off, just so he can put them back on and say: “What can I say about magnetic powers Wade. They sure are attractive” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). Galactus sees this massive display of power and decides that something must be done. His herald, Nova turns to her master and says: “Shall I destroy him Galactus”? “No, I think I shall” Galactus replies as he begins to fly over to meet Onslaught. Onslaught knows why Galactus is approaching before he is even within sight distance so he flies up to meet him. The 2 powerhouses engage in a battle that’s shock waves alone would be powerful enough to kill most super-powered beings. Onslaught breaks into the mind of Galactus and begins disrupting his omnipotent thought process in a way that no being Galactus has ever encountered has been able to do. Onslaught then simultaneously uses his magnetic powers to begin attacking the armor of the great devourer of worlds. Galactus gives out an immense squeal of pain, but he then goes off. Growing in size the last cosmic entity from the previous universe proves that there is only room for one unstoppable bad guy in the Marvel Universe as he focuses his cosmic energy not toward his opponent but instead sucks Onslaught in closer. Galactus then uses his powers to consume the mixed creation known as Onslaught. As Galactus finishes this exhausting battle he finds that the power he has consumed has left him as satisfied as if he had just consumed an entire planet. Dr. Light, Sinestro, Tomar Tu, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, & Phantom Girl take flight from the deck of Broadside while Jade, The Green Lanterns, Black Bolt, & Nova take to the air as well. Sinestro begins battling with all 4 Green Lanterns while Tomar Tu takes on Jade. Black Bolt uses his super human powers to blast right thru Lightning Lad on his way to battle with Cosmic Boy, while Nova flies circles around a frustrated Dr. Light. Phantom Girl flies back toward the water to do battle with The Twins. The Twins and Phantom Girl try to hit each other but it is difficult as they are all intangible. Back and forth they swing at each other…………. God, what an annoying fight this is to write. A trio of people who can’t be touched trying to touch each other. I guess I’ll come back to this later. Sinestro is far superior to the 4 green lanterns he is battling with. Green Lantern #2, a 6’ 9’’ tall minotaur looking creature named Kalbo from a distant planet was actually trained by Sinestro and knows first hand how formidable a green lantern he is. Sinestro blows Green Lantern #4 away with ease and then flies around the other 3 as if he is toying with them. Tomar Tu and jade have trouble hitting each other with any attacks as they both zip thru the air. Tomar Tu misses jade with a green energy blast in the shape of a meteorite, but jade counters with a magical blast of green energy that takes out Tomar Tu for good. Sinestro is still having little difficulty keeping the 3 green lanterns at bay, but the scales become significantly tipped once Jade comes I to lend a hand. The 4 of them band together to attack Sinestro knowing that they may not be able to defeat him one on one but that there strength is in numbers. Sinestro manages to take out G.L #5 as well, but in the end the other lanterns are able to restrain and eventually kill the green lantern champion. Dr. Light finds out the hard way that his powers are simply not strong enough to damage Nova as she flies toward him breaking thru his attack and then thru his body. Fin Fang Foom attacks The Untouchables floating homestead in true awkward giant monster fashion. The huge alien monster slams his giant fists on to the deck of Broadside killing Swift Wind, Saturn Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, Bouncing Boy, and all 3 parts of Triplicate Girl. Horatio Caine rallies his forces by putting his sunglasses on and saying: “monsters are like problems, you just can’t avoid the big ones” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). The Navy Seals open fire on the huge monster, who is now just pounding on Broadside and doing much damage to the Autobot. Merlin lends a little distance magic to the fight to help while Megatron shoots at the monster with his arm cannon. Megatron inflicts quite a bit of damage on the creature which causes him to realize that he needs just a little bit more power. Megatron yells to his top dawg Deadpool that they need to finish this problem off. Megatron transforms into his gun form and is caught by Deadpool. Deadpool holds the oversized gun and begins to take aim at Fin Fang Foom but before he can shoot Horatio Caine runs up to him and grabs Megatron out of his hands. Horatio hands Deadpool the sunglasses of justice and takes aim at Fin Fang Foom. Caine double taps the much oversized pistol and puts 2 intense laser blasts into the eyes of Fin Fang Foom to bring him down for good. Megatron transforms back into robot form and Horatio grabs his sunglasses off of Deadpool’s face. Deadpool screams “Bull’s-eye”! But Horatio puts his sunglasses back on and says “No Wade, more like Alien-eye”. (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). The Untouchables jump for joy as they witness the death of Fin Fang Foom, but they soon realize that the small victory did not come quick enough. Megatron tries to bark an order at Broadside when the team realizes that Broadside is already dead from the massive damage inflicted by Foom and that he is beginning to sink. Captain Cold freezes a good sized portion of the water to give the team a place to jump to while their Transformer ship sinks, which saves them all (Megatron takes flight because he is to big for the ice creation), but it is not quite as defensible a base as Broadside was. Black Bolt and Cosmic Boy have been battling for some time when Cosmic Boy uses his powers of magnetism to pick up a large chunk of what was once his teammate Broadside and uses it to skewer Black Bolt. Beast Man learns the name of Beast Boy and thinks to himself that he should easily win that fight just do to their names, but in this setting it is not as easy as he thinks. Beast Man pulls out his sword and jumps into the water after Beast Boy but Beast Boy turns into a large sword fish and runs the Eternian thru. Ursula has been laying low under the water for the entire match when she decides that it is time for her to make her appearance known. She begins battling with Triton deep below the surface in what makes for a very close match-up. Ursula uses both her magic and her tentacles to attack Triton but The Inhuman’s swimming abilities make him to fast to hit. Triton swims up behind Ursula and gets her in a strangle hold, he then uses his super-human strength to break the neck of the water witch. Jade leads the green lanterns in to attack Phantom Girl who is still involved in her pseudo fight with the twins. Jade uses her ring less green lantern powers to rematerialize Phantom Girl for a brief second while Kalbo and his beautiful Twileck counterpart Green Lantern #1 blast a huge amount of green energy her way. This works to destroy Phantom Girl but inadvertently destroys their teammates the twins as well. Jack and Curtis drive up to the ice and drop off their Navy Seals, but before they can drive away and regroup the rest of their forces Horatio Caine jumps into action. He runs up to Karate Kid and says “let’s go legionnaire; Hey, what’s your name again”? “Karate Kid sir” the Karate Kid responds. Horatio stops in mid-run and puts his sunglasses on. He then says “Ohhhh. Really, when I was your age they called me the karate Man” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). Horatio and The Karate Kid jump on to the Swift Boat as it drives away. The Kennelz Navy Seals jump on to the ice and instantly take out their target Captain Cold (modern day pirate style). The Navy Seals have to give up a lot of potential safe cover as they complete their mission, which allows The Untouchables Navy Seals, who outnumber them as it is to take them all out with a little help from Merlin. Only Navy Seal #35 dies from the return fire. Karnak sneaks up on to the ice next and stealthily takes out Navy Seal #36, but Deadpool notices him and attacks. Karnack and Deadpool engage in a fierce hand to hand battle, but Deadpool seems to gain the upper hand as the merc with a mouth yells “For Maude”! While he is sticking his sword into the neck of Karnack. Crystal uses her powers of air and water manipulation to quickly melt the ice which is keeping a good amount of The Untouchables out of the water. Zan & Jayna touch to activate their Wonder Twin powers. Zan takes the form of a whirlpool that easily sucks in Merlin and drowns him while Jayna turns into a shark along with Beast Boy who does the same. After this double transformation the 2 sharks easily consume the rest of the floating Navy Seals including their 2 Non-Commissioned Officers. Cosmic Boy flies low, just barely above the water, but Triton jumps out of the water and brings Cosmic Boy back down with him. Once underwater Cosmic Boy does not stand a chance against Triton who easily overpowers him. Triton is about to attack Deadpool in an attempt to avenge his cousin when he is suddenly drawn in by the powers of Aphrodite. The goddess of love takes control of his mind to the point that all he can think about is her perfect body and beautiful persona. Once Triton comes in close to gain his prize Aphrodite turns on him and uses her Mount Olympian strength to break not only his heart but also his head. Crystal sees what is going on and knows that she needs to stop the goddess before she destroys every man on the Kennelz. Crystal’s numerous powers have gotten her mistaken for a god in the past so she has little fear as she rushes this true god, knowing that she gets to face her in a setting that is much more suitable to her than it is to Aphrodite. Crystal then manipulates the water around them to such a degree that even Aphrodite with her godly abilities is unable to keep from being overtaken by the amazing power of water. Crystal wishes to stand tall after her victory, but she finds it difficult to stand as tall as she used to after She-Ra lops off her head. Galactus has grown tired of waiting for the fight to be over and has finally regained some of his lost strength from his brawl to settle it all with Onslaught. He and Nova fly back in toward the battle and they use their combined cosmic powers to destroy Megatron and She-Ra as if they were nothing more than the action figures on Ryan’s dresser. Galactus’ apathetic regard for any lesser beings causes him to not notice Zan who was sneaking up behind them in whirlpool form. Zan is also killed in the cosmic explosion. Deadpool jumps onto the back of Jayna (still in shark form) and sticks a grenade in the shark’s mouth. Jayna blows up, but before Deadpool can completely recover from the explosion and do the same to Beast Boy; Beast Boy bites his head clean off with his razor sharp teeth. The Karate Kid jumps at Jack Bauer, but Bauer has more martial arts skills and training than one may think. Jack jumps out of the way of Karate Kid’s karate kick and then brings his head down hard onto the side of the free-floating swift boat. Jack then pulls out his Sig-Saur P229 and blows off Karate Kid’s head. Jack radios back to his teammates to tell them to regroup, but he realizes that the radios are dead and that he is going to have to handle this problem by himself. Madam Razz and Broom have hung back this entire match so they could have their chance for revenge against Jack Bauer. They fly in as fast as they can, but Jack takes aim and blasts Madam Razz right between the eyes. Broom then tries to attack Jack on its own, but Jack dodges out of the way and then grabs Broom out of the air and then cracks it in half over his knee. Curtis and Horatio have both lost their weapons in their struggle with one another when Jack approaches and says “Curtis! Back off, let me give you a hand”. Curtis responds with “No Jack, this is personal. I’m gonna close this match up” “We never close” Horatio says as he kicks Curtis in the groin, then grabs his head and breaks his neck in one swift motion. Jack points his gun at Horatio and yells “Give it up Caine”! But Horatio pulls off his sunglasses and throws them at Jack’s hands, knocking the gun out of his hand and sending it in to the water. Horatio Caine then reaches into his pocket and pulls out another pair of sunglasses. He puts them on and says “If you want to make the grade, you gotta throw the shades” (WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN). Jack then looks at Horatio and nods while he picks up both halves of Broom and tosses one to Horatio. The 2 of them then begin fighting with the 2 broom stick ends which ends up being one of the most epic melee battles in human history. I had no idea that either of these men were so skilled in half-broomstick fighting, but much like their television shows the skills of these 2 men never cease to amaze. As the 2 battle back and forth I think to myself that this makes the Yoda/Dooku fight from episode 2 look like 2 teenage jocks pushing each other at a high school party in hopes that their girlfriends will break them up. It makes Ali/Frasier look like me, Chris, & Ryan Burke dragging Jared up Nate’s stairway. It even makes the fight between Arnold and Bennet at the end of Commando look like a fat guy who is half stuck in his lawn chair at a back yard BBQ slowly reach over to smack an aging horse fly. It makes……. Well never mind, I think you get my drift. Horatio kicks Jack in the chest and sends him into the controls of the boat. Horatio then tries to come down hard on Jack’s head with his end of the broom but Jack gets out of the way just in time. Jack, who has now maneuvered himself behind Horatio, kicks him in the back of the knee which brings him down onto the ground of the floor board of the boat. Once exposed Jack takes the cracked end of his broom and jams it into the jugular vein of Horatio Caine. Jack Bauer then takes the sunglasses off of Horatio Caine and says “Say hello to Madam Razz for me”.
MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURVE ARE VICTORIOUS!
Match Confusion...
The complete match between Better Than All of You and Xavier's Annihilation Squad is now posted. I'm not sure what exactly happened there, but it's all fixed now.
Sorry,
Vice-Commissioner Ryan
Sorry,
Vice-Commissioner Ryan
Press Conference: Slaves and Commandos
It was announced last week that the match between "George Washington's Slaves" and "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos was going to be a pink slip match. That means that each team has put a player on the line and whoever the victor may be will receive the player when the match concludes. There was a small press conference from earlier and we would like to bring a small summary from it. Enjoy.
The Slaves have put Fidel Castro on the line and the Commandos have put Saladin up on the block.
Saladin: It will be an honor for me to play on the same team as Mr. Castro. I have great respect for him as I appreciate what he did for Cuba in the late 1950's.
Fidel Castro: I too am very excited to see the outcome of this match, especially if I have the chance to play for another communist like they have leading the Commandos.
Saladin: What do you mean by that Fidel?
Fidel Castro: Mr. Obama, your head coach. I was just talking about how excited I would be to finally play for someone who's ideals are closer to my heart.
Saladin: President Obama isn't a communist Fidel.
Fidel Castro: Oh O.K, that's right. He's a "Democrat". Yeah, that's it.
Saladin: He believes in the same ideals as your head coach.
Fidel Castro: Oh come senor, you don't actually believe that do you? Mr. Obama and George Washington have the same ideals? Yeah, and me and JFK were mortal enemies. You go on believing whatever you want.
Saladin: Mr. Obama is a great man. Which is why you will be a Commando by nightfall. Prepare to become one of the good guys.
Fidel Castro: O.K. settle down. May the best man win I suppose. Not that it really matters, since neither of us are fighting anyway. Which is real democratic by the way. It sounds a little like "Taxation without representation" to me.
Saladin: That's it, I don't need to listen to this anymore.
Fidel Castro: The truth can be a fickle friend.
This went on for at least another hour and a half,(it might have gone on longer but I left due to it's incredibly boring nature). Either way you look at it though, whether they are "Slaves" or "Commandos", Mr. Castro and Saladin will be teammates from this point on. God save whoever they are next to in the locker room. Thanks for joining us and come back to Fantasy Fantasy Center for more updates. The match is posted below for those of you who are interested in finding out what team the quarrelsome twosome will be playing for.
The Slaves have put Fidel Castro on the line and the Commandos have put Saladin up on the block.
Saladin: It will be an honor for me to play on the same team as Mr. Castro. I have great respect for him as I appreciate what he did for Cuba in the late 1950's.
Fidel Castro: I too am very excited to see the outcome of this match, especially if I have the chance to play for another communist like they have leading the Commandos.
Saladin: What do you mean by that Fidel?
Fidel Castro: Mr. Obama, your head coach. I was just talking about how excited I would be to finally play for someone who's ideals are closer to my heart.
Saladin: President Obama isn't a communist Fidel.
Fidel Castro: Oh O.K, that's right. He's a "Democrat". Yeah, that's it.
Saladin: He believes in the same ideals as your head coach.
Fidel Castro: Oh come senor, you don't actually believe that do you? Mr. Obama and George Washington have the same ideals? Yeah, and me and JFK were mortal enemies. You go on believing whatever you want.
Saladin: Mr. Obama is a great man. Which is why you will be a Commando by nightfall. Prepare to become one of the good guys.
Fidel Castro: O.K. settle down. May the best man win I suppose. Not that it really matters, since neither of us are fighting anyway. Which is real democratic by the way. It sounds a little like "Taxation without representation" to me.
Saladin: That's it, I don't need to listen to this anymore.
Fidel Castro: The truth can be a fickle friend.
This went on for at least another hour and a half,(it might have gone on longer but I left due to it's incredibly boring nature). Either way you look at it though, whether they are "Slaves" or "Commandos", Mr. Castro and Saladin will be teammates from this point on. God save whoever they are next to in the locker room. Thanks for joining us and come back to Fantasy Fantasy Center for more updates. The match is posted below for those of you who are interested in finding out what team the quarrelsome twosome will be playing for.
Better Than All of You vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad
Better Than All of You is Aquaman, Aqualad, Aquababy, Abomination, N.S.-5 #1-22, Batman (Jean-Paul Valley), Batman Beyond, Gwar, Reptile, Ninja Pirate #3 & 4, Flash, Nick Fury, Cobra Commander, Lex Luthor, Predator #3, Army Soldier #1 & 2, Dozer #4 & 6.
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is The Kraken, Davy Jones & his crew, Barbarossa & his crew, The Eradicator, Ursa, Mary Embry, The Terricons, The Aerialbots, Darth Voltress, Darth Ocron, Black Tom Cassidy, Sailor Moon, Ninja Pirates #1 & 2, Reverse Flash, Silver Samurai, Pirate #11-15.
Normally the force of the Kraken, Davy Jones and the crew of the Flying Dutchmen and Barbarossa and the crew of the Black Pearl would be more than enough to garner a guarantee victory in the water for Xavier’s Annihilation Squad. But the is not a normal situation, for you see, Better Than All of You has Aquaman leading their ranks. He instantly uses his powers to take control of the Kraken, Davy Jones and the crew of the Flying Dutchmen. The Black Pearl finds themselves under attack by their own teammates. The skeleton pirates fight fiercely, but ultimately are on the losing end of this battle. They do however; manage to take out the crew of the Dutchman before the Black Pearl sinks to the bottom of the ocean floor. Davy Jones bests Barbarrossa in a graceful sword duel. Pirates #11-15 then climb aboard the now abandoned Flying Dutchman. Gwar quickly leaps onto the Dutchman as well and begin fighting the Pirates. The Kraken uses its massive size to tear apart the Flying Dutchman, killing all aboard. The Eradicator, Ursa, and Mary Embry are then forced to do something they wished they would have to do; they fly in and kill their teammate, the Kraken. This cripples the Annihilation Squad’s water stronghold. The Aerialbots and Terricons then both form Superion and Abominus. They instantly go after the large swarm of N.S. 5’s. With their combined firepower they blast all 22 of them out of the water. Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron flip and jump across the debris from the two destroyed ships and kill Army Soldiers #1 and 2 as well as Dozers #4 and 6. Aqualad then uses his powers to turn a large amount of water into a flurry of ice spears and launches them into the air, shredding the Terricons apart. The Aerialbots break apart from being Superion and rips through the air in their jet modes. They do strafing runs across the ocean surface, firing their guns into the water. They manage to take out both Ninja Pirates and Jean Paul Valley. Reptile springs out of the water and coats Sailor Moon with his acid spit, which eats away at her flesh, killing the jailbait. Abomination gets a hold of Silver Samurai and crushes the life out of him. He then uses the bloody heap of metal and flesh as a projectile and puts it right through the hull of Fireflight as he flies by. Predator #3 then spears Ninja Pirates #1 and 2. Mary Embry then flies right at Abomination and drags him deep underwater. It’s hard to say who really won or lost this bout, since neither competitor ever came back to the surface. The unlikely combination of Batman Beyond and Lex Luthor take to the air and engage the four remaining Aerialbots. They both use their advanced technology within their suits to precisely target the Aerialbots’ inner circuitry. They are able to damage Air Raid and Slingshot’s guidance systems, which sends them spinning out of control into each other. Silverbolt retaliates by transforming into his robot form and blasts Batman Beyond away with his electrostatic discharger rifle. Lex Luthor then finds himself face to face with Eradicator. This Superman, however, doesn’t hold back with Luthor like the original had so many times before. He quickly lobotomizes Lex with his heat vision. Speaking of Superman, he finally shows up and the combination of Superman, Eradicator and Ursa completely wipe out the rest of Better Than All of You before finally making an example of Aquaman… wait this didn’t happen. Superman never showed up. He’s not even in this match. Sorry, I don’t know how I could make a mistake like that. Anyways, Flash and Reverse Flash have been chasing each other all around the Atlantic. They are currently nowhere near the main battle that is still raging on. Aqualad uses his powers to boil the water around Black Tom Cassidy, literally cooking him. Reptile, Cobra Commander and Nick Fury then triple-team Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron. Before they are killed the Sith Lords are able to take Nick Fury and Cobra Commander with them. It’s at this time when Flash and Reverse Flash return to the battle. Flash sees Darth Voltress’s lightsaber flipping in the air as the Sith’s body sinks into the ocean. He kicks it up another notch and runs by, snagging the lightsaber out of midair. He abruptly stops and spins around slicing Reverse Flash with the crimson blade. “Man, I love these things!” exclaims Flash. His enjoyment is short lived unfortunately, due to the fact that Ursa flew up behind him and ripped his heart out through the back of his rib cage. Predator #3 then fires a grappling hook at Silverbolt and is yanked out of the water. Once he’s managed to climb on top of the Autobot, he detonates his thermonuclear bomb, which incinerates himself and both Autobots. Ursa then flies right at Reptile and makes quick work of him as Eradicator follows her underwater. Eradicator instantly takes out the weak link and kills Aquababy with his heat vision. It’s a decision Eradicator probably regrets making as this sends Aquaman into a violent rage. He attacks Eradicator with the ferocity of a piranha. Nothing Eradicator does is enough to stop the Ruler of Atlantis and finally succumbs to Aquaman’s wrath. Orin turns to see Aqualad holding his own against Ursa, but before he can lend a hand, she makes a quick move and snaps Aqualad’s neck. Aquaman swims at top speeds through the dark waters and plunges his trident deep into Ursa’s chest, ending this battle once and for all. “This is MY home. I will not be defeated,” Aquaman says.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!
Built Ford Tough vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies
Built Ford Tough is Han Solo, Chewbacca, Jack Ryan, Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford, Torchwood Crew, Aslan the Lion, Power Man, Iron Fist, E. Honda, Steve McQueen, The Beatles, U.S. Agent, Barry Sanders, Beta Ray Bill, Deadly Vipers Assassin Squad, Flaming Carrot, Mr T., Grapple, Sirius Black, Severus Snape, Strong Guy, Solid Snake, Diego, Star Sapphire, Ancient Sith # 8, Ancient Sith # 13, and Mandlorian # 7
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies are The Maxx & Julie Winters, Doc Brown, Lorne Michaels, Speedy Gonzalez, Brak, Dobby, (Brain Damaged) Bewowolf, Agent X, Sarah Palin, The Groovy Gang, Jay, Silent Bob, Suzanne, Forge, Aunt May, Bob: Agent of HYDRA, Hellboy, Lobo, Dark Claw, Lobo the Duck, Hydroman, Rancor #1, Ewok #5-21, The Power Puff Girls, The Planeteers, Ted Nugent, Brock Sampson, & Kyle Rayner.
Prior to the match, Grapple built his team a massive structure for them to set up a defense. Built Ford Tough knows that if they are to even stand a chance in this inter-league battle, they have to strike first and strike hard. Sirius Black fires a bolt of magic at the water, which causes Hydroman to rematerialize and his body to float to the surface. Rancor #1 and Suzanne both struggle to stay afloat and they both ultimately drown. The Murderflies all leap aboard Built Ford Tough’s platform and storm their opponents. The trio of Lobo, his sidekick Lobo the Duck and Dark Claw instantly take out the Torchwood crew and Diego. Lobo the Duck is then attacked by Aslan the Lion and with a holy bite, the Jesus Christ allegory kills Lobo the Duck. Aslan is then eviscerated by Dark Claw, um, dark claws. Doc Brown and Forge both start dismantling the platform for their own purpose, but Grapple see this and in a fit of anger, blasts them both away with his arc-welder rifle. The Planeteers then call upon Captain Planet to aid them in this battle. He is met in the skies by Beta Ray Bill and before he can conjure the oceans to his will, Beta Ray Bill puts Stormbreaker right into Captain Planet’s green mullet. As the elemental superhero falls from the sky, the Planeteers look on in disbelief, which causes them not to see the Deadly Vipers Assassin Squad coming right for them. The Vipers’ blades then strike them all down. Ancient Sith Lords #8 and 13 attack and kill Jay and Silent Bob because they were too busy trying to dry out their pot, which was soaked when they were all teleported into the ocean. The team of Hellboy and Brock Samson avenge their teammates deaths by beating the Ancient Sith Lords to bloody pulps. Solid Snake is perched high above a tower on the platform. He then proceeds to pick off Ewoks #10-14 and Lorne Michaels with his sniper rifle. The Maxx charges towards the Harrison Ford crew with Julie Winters on his back, but Han Solo, Jack Ryan and Indiana Jones take them out with their guns. Harrison Ford himself, meanwhile, is just trying not to spill his Gin and Tonic. Ewok #9 then takes aim and uses his slingshot to break Harrison’s Gin and Tonic glass. This proves to be an unbelievably stupid move on the poor Ewok’s behalf. Mr. Ford goes into a blind berserker rage and brutally kills Ewok #9 and then beats Ewoks #6, 7, 8 and 21 to death with Ewok #9’s bloody corpse. He storms Ewok #5, but is stopped dead in his tracks as Ewok #5 pulls out a flask as a peace offering. Harrison seems to calm down as he accepts this offer and takes a swig from the silver flask. He then punts Ewok #5 as hard as he can into the ocean, where the unconscious Ewok drowns. Harrison keeps the flask. Mandalorian #7 takes off with his jet pack and shoots Aunt May and Brak before he is taken down himself by Agent X and Bob: Agent of H.Y.D.R.A. Lobo then goes on a rampage of his own and kills E. Honda with easy and then eliminates Steve McQueen, Jack Ryan and Barry Sanders. Beta Ray Bill then confronts him. The two powerhouses beat on each other back and forth with everything they have. Lobo beats Bill down to his knees and arrogantly laughs before delivering the killing blow. But this hit never comes, as Beta Ray Bill swings Stormbreaker up with all his might and connects with Lobo’s jaw, breaking his neck. The soul mates known as Iron Fist and Power Man (“DAMN IT! Hey Ryatu! I said we ain’t gay!!” Power Man yells at this Watcher.) then runs in and attacks the Groovy Gang. Though they are a group of serial killers, they are simply no match for the powerful duo. Their knives are not even scratching Power Man’s impenetrable skin. Iron Fist easily kills Sonny and Patty as Power Man crushes Ted, Val and Groovy. USAgent leaps in and dropkicks Dark Claw, which knocks him into Beta Ray Bill who smashes his face in with his hammer. Ted Nugent and his sidekick Sarah Palin move in and gun down Solid Snake. Brain Damaged Beowulf then fires some missiles at the platform, which damages its integrity and causes several of the fighters to fall back into the ocean. The Flaming Carrot dives in and using his flippers that he knew would finally come in handy; he fluidly swims underwater and dispatches the six remaining Ewoks. But he’s suddenly blown away by Brain Damaged Beowulf, who then finds himself under attack by the Beatles in their Yellow Submarine. But the Cymek is too powerful for them and they all die in their yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine. They all die in their yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine. But before they do, Ringo is able to fire one last torpedo with damages Brain Damaged Beowulf even further. Grapple swims down and finishes off the Cymek. Severus and Sirius double team Dobby and blast him away with some magic. Kyle Rayner then flies in and makes a much-needed impact for his team. He violently blasts through the entire Deadly Vipers Assassin Squad. Kyle then dives deep under water and blows a hole through Grapple’s chest. Once he shoots back out of the water, Kyle is attacked by Star Sapphire. She hits him with a powerful blast of pink energy, which sends him sailing backwards. They continue to battle high above the water as the rest of their teammates fight in the water. Speedy Gonzalez races across the ocean’s surface, but is caught and eaten by Chewbacca, who then goes after Hellboy. The Wookie claws and slashes at Hellboy, but the demon is able to pull out the Good Samaritan and blow a hole into Chewbacca. Indiana Jones then wraps his whip around Hellboy’s neck, but Hellboy grabs a hold of it and yanks Indy towards him. He then crushes Indy’s face in with his giant rock fist. Mr. T finds himself surrounded by Brock Samson, Agent X and Bob: Agent of H.Y.D.R.A. He tries his best, and even manages to kill Bob, but in the end, Brock and Agent X show him no pity and they kill him. The Powerpuff Girls are quickly flying around the skies, but the combined efforts of Han Solo’s blaster, and Severus and Sirius’s magic are enough to blast away the three small girls. Ted Nugent, Sarah Palin, Hellboy and Brock Samson then find themselves being attacked by Han Solo, Harrison Ford, Iron Fist, Power Man, USAgent, Strong Guy, Sirius Black, Severus Snape and Beta Ray Bill. Brock instantly swims up to Strong Guy and hits him so hard that it overloads the mutant causing him to explode, which takes Ted Nugent out in the process. Sarah Palin dives deep underwater (which did I mention she’s only wearing a bikini and a white t-shirt…so needless to say, she looks hot) and then comes up behind Harrison Ford and slits his throat with her Limited Edition Charlton Heston NRA Knife. USAgent then launches his shield and takes her head clean off, which also sends her “Tina Fey glasses” flying in the air. Agent X is able to gun down Han Solo, but not before take a couple blaster shots himself. Though he has a healing factor, Agent X isn’t given the time to heal, as Iron Fist and Power Man together finish him off. Hellboy then fires two shots from the Good Samaritan and take out the lovely couple (Deal with it Luke. You’re in love with Iron Fist.) “Guess you weren’t bulletproof after all,” quips Hellboy. USAgent flings his shield at Hellboy, but he catches it with his oversized hand. This does however; give Severus and Sirius the opportunity to blast Hellboy away with several different incantations. Brock Samson is actually able to go punch for punch with Beta Ray Bill, but the horse-faced Thor brings Stormbreaker down on his curly blonde mullet and crushes his skull. A loud scream is then heard up from the skies as Star Sapphire’s body falls into the ocean. Kyle Rayner then flies down as fast as he can and targets the remaining members of Built Ford Tough. USAgent is able to get his shield up in time to protect himself from the green energy blast, but it ricochets off and hits Sirius Black and kills him. Beta Ray Bill flies out of the water and summonds several lightning bolts that hit Kyle Rayner in the back. This knocks him off his course, and allows Beta Ray Bill to finish him off with a home run swing of Stormbreaker.
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!
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