The following match was witnessed by this week's special guest watcher Katatu.
Alice’s Wonder Team vs. Tijuana Taco Benders
“Taco’s sure sound delicious!” said Lady Q in a godlike tone. “Well, I would say you are at the right place at the right time” responded Sharkticon. Lady Q and Sharkticon have been placed together as a team and are in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, studying the effects the most contaminated beach water on earth has on sea life. As they made their way over to the nearest taco stand, a strange scent over powered the mouth-watering aroma of fresh Mexican made tacos. It was a mint berry scent. Both Lady Q and Sharkticon had never smelled such a combination and noticed it was arising from a boy standing in front of them. Lady Q tapped the boy and asked what his deal was smelling like minty berries. Immediately taking offense, Mint Berry Crunch started to spin around in place and shouted "Shablagoo!!" He informed Lady Q and Sharkticon that he has the power is to control mint and berries with a satisfying crunch. “Did you say crunch?” asked Sharkticon, and bit Mint Berry Crunch’s head off.
The crunch of Mint Berry Crunch’s head being chomped inside Sharkticons mouth, pulled on lookers from all around the taco stand. A few of these onlookers included Mysterion, Lavos, and Silver Sentry. “Hey man, what’s your problem?” asked Mysterion. Neither Lady Q nor Sharkticon had even hard of Mysterion. The question “Who is Mysterion?” would haunt many for at least a year. Lavos, who still had some taco left on his face had indicated that it doesn’t matter who Mysterion is, and that they had better watch out. Lady Q explained why they were there and the work they need to do with the waters of Puerto Vallarta. The remaining members of The Tijuana Taco benders knew this would greatly upset their buddy, Tsunami, another member of their crew. This was about to get really ugly. Lady Q and Sharkticon were on Team Tijuana Taco Benders turf and it was on like Donkey Kong.
The Tijuana Taco Benders are from Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. The beach in Puerto Vallarta has been reported the dirtiest beach in Mexico for the past several years. It is their home, and they really love tacos. The Tijuana Taco Benders have a member who does most of his work in the dirty waters of Puerto Vallarta. Tsunami has control of the water in Puerto Vallarta, and he likes it just the way it is. If intruders try to mess with his water, he gets really upset. Shortly after, Mysterion, Silver Sentry, and Lavos reported this news to Tsunami. Tsunami was pissed. He started spitting water bullets at random people at the taco stand. These water bullets killed a total of 5 Mexicans, and it freed up 8 tacos all together, of which the Tijuana Taco Benders shared and enjoyed.
After a restful night, the Tijuana Taco Benders met up at the shoreline of the beach in Puerto Vallarta. To their surprise, Lady Q and Sharkticon were already at the beach with a backpack full of water testing instruments. As Lady Q dipped a pH strip, Tsunami appeared in front of them and asked what they were doing. Sharkticon indicated these waters were filthy and they wanted to test it in order to take proper action to clean it up. With Tsunami using questions as a distraction, Silver Sentry flew above Lady Q and knocked the test strip out of her hand. With her Godlike powers, she back handed Silver Sentry, and knocked him into Lavos. Lavos said “oh Hell No!” and ate the water testing supplies. This left Lady Q and Sharkticon with nothing left to do their job. After the supplies was engulfed, Lavos thought he would take other matters into his own hands and tried to suck the life out of the powerful Lady Q. When he tried this, he was able to get a hold of her arm in his mouth, and her forces pushed him away. With arm in mouth, Lady Q’s arm was ripped off. Still powerful? Yes… but minus an arm. What damage could this really do?
Mysterion Grabbed Lady Q’s arm and began to bitch slap Sharkticon across the face. While trying to escape such a mysterious beating, not really understanding how Lady Q’s arm was beating him by the force of Mysterion, he grabbed a hold of the arm and ate it. Mysterion was left with only his mysterious powers and his inability to die. Could this be enough for Mysterion? We will soon find out.
Tsunami who was still pissed about the water testing decided he was going to end it all with Lady Q and Sharkticon. He began dodging water bullets and blasts of water in hopes to kill or at least strangely wound them. The blasts had knocked Lady Q down a few times. The last time left her mutilated and desperate for her arm back. Unfortunately for her, her arm was in the process of being digested by her teammate, Sharkticon.
Mysterion had noticed that the blasts of water had slightly impaired the duo, so he thought outside the box, literally. Mysterion had constructed a combination plate from the nearby taco stand. Offering this fuel to injured opponents as a distraction. Lady Q could see what Mysterion was trying to do. She tried several times to destroy him with her godlike powers, but Mysterions inability to die made him weak, but did not kill him. She began to understand that this boy was never going to die, so she one-handed bitch slapped him until he was in a deep coma. “That is about as close to the last of him as I can come,” said Lady Q. Mysterion was placed in a hammock for a long siesta.
The Tijuana Taco Benders were now down two members. The only thing Lady Q was down was an arm and Sharkticon was totally fine. He was also full after eating his teammates arm. While in Robot form, Sharkticon decided he was going to try to use mechanical powers and go after Lavos. Sharkticon, not being the brightest sharky in the tank, had forgotten the damage water could do to robotic beings, such as himself. While Tsunami remembered the same deal, Tsunami kicked Sharkticon in the mechanical nuts, and then drowned his ass until his electric/mechanical powers were no more. Sharkticon was kind of a bitch and knocked off really easily.
Seeing her only buddy be killed of so easily, Lady Q was pretty pissed. She decided she was going to use her powers to morph these dweebs into other less powerful life forms. It wouldn’t be easy, but she was successful at turning Lavos into a turd and Tsunami into a raccoon. Upon this morphing, she picked up Lavos the turd and threw it at Tsunami the Raccoon. Lavos the turd knocked Tsunami the raccoon out for just a few seconds. Lady Q saw victory until Tsunami the raccoon awoke. Tsunami made his way over to Lady Q, bit her and gave her rabies. Tsunami and the Tijuana Taco Benders are victorious!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Season 4, Week 2: Horsemen of Apokolips vs. Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family
“I was just a little bi-curious.”
-Ramona Flowers
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 2 Match located at World 2-2. ALL WATER. NO POSSIBILITY FOR AIR. They are as follows:
The Horsemen of Apokolips- Flamebird, Nightwing and Fry Guy #1.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family-
Capt. Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander John Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Tim O'Neil, Lt. James Brady, Dagwood and Anthony Piccolo in The Seaquest DSV 4600; Sea Worm #7; Ramona Flowers (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring) and Black Lantern Hydro-Man.
I AM ATTEMPTING TO UNDERSTAND THE REASONING OF THE HORSEMEN’S OWNER AND HIS LINEUP DECISION IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT HE HAS A NUMBER OF EXTREMELY FORMIDABLE “WATER” COMBATANTS AND THE FACT THAT THIS BATTLE IS ONLY IN THE WATER-WITH NO CHANCE OF AIR. I AM STRUCK AT THE HORROR OF WHAT FOLLOWS AND WHAT MUST, ULTIMATELY BE. . . .
Let the battle begin. . .
The Seaquest fires its torpedoes at Flamebird and Nightwing. The two super-powered females repeatedly shrug off the concussive blasts of the submarine’s weaponry. While the submersible focuses on the females, Fry Guy #1 manages to enter into the torpedo tube between firings. Fry Guy #1 shimmies up the cylinder and pops out of the compartment. Now onboard, he intends to cause mayhem. Fry Guy #1 bumps into Dr. Westphalen. Fry Guy #1 jumps on her face and wraps his legs around the female doctor. Dr. Westphalen suffocates with fur balls in her mouth. Fry Guy then spots Tim O’Neil and trips him with his long legs. O’Neil bangs his head against a pipe and is knocked unconscious. Fry Guy #1 then mashes his wiggly feet down O’Neil’s throat; O’Neil suffocates. Fry Guy #1 passes by the mess hall and stops. He sees McDonald’s fries on the table. It just so happens that the crew stopped by the fast food chain before leaving the locker room docks for World 2-2. Fry Guy is distracted from his task of killing the Seaquest crew and focuses on what he was put in this existence to do- steal the fries. As he begins munching on the fries, he is met by both Dagwood and Piccolo. The two crewmates destroy the furry imp.
While their teammate is being ripped apart inside the ship, Flamebird and Nightwing decide to join forces outside of the ship. The two use their speed and power to barrel through the Seaquest. The tears in the ship cause a dramatic loss in pressure and the submarine begins to implode.
Inside the Seaquest, Lucas Wolenczak is seen next to Capt. Nathan Bridger. Bridger longingly stares at Lucas.
Lucas (tears beginning to well in his eyes): I know. . . .
The ship implodes. The only crew member who manages to escape is Piccolo due to his genetically enhanced gills which allow him to breathe under water. Ramona Flowers who uses her Star Sapphire Ring to breath, joins Piccolo. Nightwing focuses on Piccolo and crushes his entire ribcage and heart with one blow to the chest. Ramona Flowers responds and barrages Nightwing with ring constructs. Although Nightwing is able to batter the projectiles away, she begins to tire since she has held her breath for the entire match up to this point. While Flowers focuses on Nightwing, Flamebird takes advantage of this fact and comes from behind. Flowers cannot focus on both Nightwing and Flamebird at the same time. In an instant, Flamebird is able to reach Flowers and snap her neck. Nonetheless, the energy used to gain position against Flower’s ring causes both super heroines to tire to near exhaustion since they have been holding their breaths for this incredible period of time.
Black Lantern Hydro Man takes advantage of the fatigue and lack of air currently suffered by both Nightwing and Flamebird. BL Hydro Man uses his combined abilities to thrust both lantern constructs and water projectiles at the Apokolips’ heroines. Eventually the damage suffered by both Nightwing and Flamebird is too much. Before they contemplate perishing in this match, they use their combined abilities to reach BL Hydro Man. The two’s clothes are shredded apart, but they manage to dislodge the black lantern ring from Hydro Man. Hydro Man’s corpse becomes inert and perishes. His body becomes one in the same as the waters around him.
Nightwing and Flamebird are clearly near death, but they have conquered all seen on the battlefield. That is, until Seaworm #7 rises from the depths and engulfs them both. The two are not able to battle the gigantic behemoth and they perish within.
Horsemen of Apokolips: All dead.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Seaworm #7 alive.
LAYANDER’S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A FAMILY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Ramona Flowers
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 2 Match located at World 2-2. ALL WATER. NO POSSIBILITY FOR AIR. They are as follows:
The Horsemen of Apokolips- Flamebird, Nightwing and Fry Guy #1.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family-
Capt. Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander John Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Tim O'Neil, Lt. James Brady, Dagwood and Anthony Piccolo in The Seaquest DSV 4600; Sea Worm #7; Ramona Flowers (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring) and Black Lantern Hydro-Man.
I AM ATTEMPTING TO UNDERSTAND THE REASONING OF THE HORSEMEN’S OWNER AND HIS LINEUP DECISION IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT HE HAS A NUMBER OF EXTREMELY FORMIDABLE “WATER” COMBATANTS AND THE FACT THAT THIS BATTLE IS ONLY IN THE WATER-WITH NO CHANCE OF AIR. I AM STRUCK AT THE HORROR OF WHAT FOLLOWS AND WHAT MUST, ULTIMATELY BE. . . .
Let the battle begin. . .
The Seaquest fires its torpedoes at Flamebird and Nightwing. The two super-powered females repeatedly shrug off the concussive blasts of the submarine’s weaponry. While the submersible focuses on the females, Fry Guy #1 manages to enter into the torpedo tube between firings. Fry Guy #1 shimmies up the cylinder and pops out of the compartment. Now onboard, he intends to cause mayhem. Fry Guy #1 bumps into Dr. Westphalen. Fry Guy #1 jumps on her face and wraps his legs around the female doctor. Dr. Westphalen suffocates with fur balls in her mouth. Fry Guy then spots Tim O’Neil and trips him with his long legs. O’Neil bangs his head against a pipe and is knocked unconscious. Fry Guy #1 then mashes his wiggly feet down O’Neil’s throat; O’Neil suffocates. Fry Guy #1 passes by the mess hall and stops. He sees McDonald’s fries on the table. It just so happens that the crew stopped by the fast food chain before leaving the locker room docks for World 2-2. Fry Guy is distracted from his task of killing the Seaquest crew and focuses on what he was put in this existence to do- steal the fries. As he begins munching on the fries, he is met by both Dagwood and Piccolo. The two crewmates destroy the furry imp.
While their teammate is being ripped apart inside the ship, Flamebird and Nightwing decide to join forces outside of the ship. The two use their speed and power to barrel through the Seaquest. The tears in the ship cause a dramatic loss in pressure and the submarine begins to implode.
Inside the Seaquest, Lucas Wolenczak is seen next to Capt. Nathan Bridger. Bridger longingly stares at Lucas.
Lucas (tears beginning to well in his eyes): I know. . . .
The ship implodes. The only crew member who manages to escape is Piccolo due to his genetically enhanced gills which allow him to breathe under water. Ramona Flowers who uses her Star Sapphire Ring to breath, joins Piccolo. Nightwing focuses on Piccolo and crushes his entire ribcage and heart with one blow to the chest. Ramona Flowers responds and barrages Nightwing with ring constructs. Although Nightwing is able to batter the projectiles away, she begins to tire since she has held her breath for the entire match up to this point. While Flowers focuses on Nightwing, Flamebird takes advantage of this fact and comes from behind. Flowers cannot focus on both Nightwing and Flamebird at the same time. In an instant, Flamebird is able to reach Flowers and snap her neck. Nonetheless, the energy used to gain position against Flower’s ring causes both super heroines to tire to near exhaustion since they have been holding their breaths for this incredible period of time.
Black Lantern Hydro Man takes advantage of the fatigue and lack of air currently suffered by both Nightwing and Flamebird. BL Hydro Man uses his combined abilities to thrust both lantern constructs and water projectiles at the Apokolips’ heroines. Eventually the damage suffered by both Nightwing and Flamebird is too much. Before they contemplate perishing in this match, they use their combined abilities to reach BL Hydro Man. The two’s clothes are shredded apart, but they manage to dislodge the black lantern ring from Hydro Man. Hydro Man’s corpse becomes inert and perishes. His body becomes one in the same as the waters around him.
Nightwing and Flamebird are clearly near death, but they have conquered all seen on the battlefield. That is, until Seaworm #7 rises from the depths and engulfs them both. The two are not able to battle the gigantic behemoth and they perish within.
Horsemen of Apokolips: All dead.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Seaworm #7 alive.
LAYANDER’S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A FAMILY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Season 4, Week 2: Team Sleeping Pussy vs. Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
“Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.”
-Kermit the Frog
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 2 Match located in World 2-2. ALL WATER. NO POSSIBILITY FOR AIR. They are as follows:
Team Sleeping Pussy- Aspen, Namor and Mimic.
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets- Qwsp, Kermit the Frog, Squirtle, Gamera and Yellow Toad .
Let the battle begin. . .
Mimic attempts to focus on the Midget Brotherhood and absorb the powers of any super beings within his range. Unfortunately, with the team produced by the Brotherhood, he is unable to do so. He then shifts his sights and looks no further than his own teammates in both Namor and Aspen. He imbibes their essences and now has the ability to breath under water without issue.
Squirtle focuses on Aspen and sprays a powerful blast of pressurized water at her. Aspen transforms into water itself and the blow simply passes through her. In response, Aspen manipulates the water surrounding the Pokemon character into a water cannon. The weaponized water shoots Squirtle across the area. Squirtle, protected by its shell, comes forth and regroups with Yellow Toad and Kermit the Frog. As the three Midget warriors rush at Aspen, an optic blast resembling that of Cyclops lashes out at the treacherous trio. Although Yellow Toad and Squirtle dodge Mimic’s attack, the blow manages to rip through the legs of Kermit the Frog. Kermit looks down and sees that his legs are gone, floating away.
Kermit: Just like my nephew Robin!!!
Mimic: Gonna serve me up some frog legs with melted garlic butter later, my friend!
Kermit’s eyes begin to flutter and the amphibian bleeds out.
Kermit: Alas, Fair Pig do I join thee. . . .
Kermit dies. In response to Kermit’s death, Squirtle and Yellow Toad swim toward Mimic. Namor rushes in between the combatants and grabs both Midgets in head locks. Sickening crunches are heard as necks are broken. Squirtle's and Yellow Toad’s lifeless bodies float away.
Meanwhile, Qwsp has warped reality around him, forming an air bubble that protects him from drowning. Qwsp then lashes out and World 2-2 becomes a disjointed area of desert – no water. Namor and Aspen are caught off guard and crash to the sands below, gasping at the shock to their bodies. Qwsp laughs as the Brotherhood has finally gained the upper hand over Team SP’s water trio. Mimic does not have the limitations of his brethren and immediately uses the telekinesis of Jean Gray to whip Qwsp into the ground. Namor shakes off his queasiness and seizes the opportunity. Namor uses his winged ankles to fly full speed at the fifth-dimensioner. The Atlantean, who now holds his trident, pierces his weapon through Qwsp, who instantly dies. With Qwsp’s death, the dimensional realities re-align and World 2-2 becomes its proper watery realm. Aspen, Namor and Mimic are pleased.
Mimic: One more . . .
Mimic is unable to finish his sentence as theses are the last words uttered from his mouth. Gamera engulfs the mutant, whose dead body lies ravaged in its maw. Namor and Aspen combine forces to fight the behemoth. Namor uses his superhuman strength to damage both eyes of Gamera. The now blinded beast screams in pain. Gamera uses his flame breath to sizzle the water around him and manages to hit Namor in the process. The intensity of the water around Namor boils him alive; his dead body floats away. Gamera moves into its shell and begins to spin in its signature move to briefly escape and gather its senses. Seeing an opportunity to end the fight, Aspen manipulates the water around the two and creates an astronomical water spear. Gamera flies straight into it and is skewered from head to tail.
Aspen: Looks like I’m having both frog legs and turtle tonight. . . nice Cajun meal. . .
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: All dead.
Team Sleeping Pussy: Aspen survives.
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.”
-Kermit the Frog
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 2 Match located in World 2-2. ALL WATER. NO POSSIBILITY FOR AIR. They are as follows:
Team Sleeping Pussy- Aspen, Namor and Mimic.
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets- Qwsp, Kermit the Frog, Squirtle, Gamera and Yellow Toad .
Let the battle begin. . .
Mimic attempts to focus on the Midget Brotherhood and absorb the powers of any super beings within his range. Unfortunately, with the team produced by the Brotherhood, he is unable to do so. He then shifts his sights and looks no further than his own teammates in both Namor and Aspen. He imbibes their essences and now has the ability to breath under water without issue.
Squirtle focuses on Aspen and sprays a powerful blast of pressurized water at her. Aspen transforms into water itself and the blow simply passes through her. In response, Aspen manipulates the water surrounding the Pokemon character into a water cannon. The weaponized water shoots Squirtle across the area. Squirtle, protected by its shell, comes forth and regroups with Yellow Toad and Kermit the Frog. As the three Midget warriors rush at Aspen, an optic blast resembling that of Cyclops lashes out at the treacherous trio. Although Yellow Toad and Squirtle dodge Mimic’s attack, the blow manages to rip through the legs of Kermit the Frog. Kermit looks down and sees that his legs are gone, floating away.
Kermit: Just like my nephew Robin!!!
Mimic: Gonna serve me up some frog legs with melted garlic butter later, my friend!
Kermit’s eyes begin to flutter and the amphibian bleeds out.
Kermit: Alas, Fair Pig do I join thee. . . .
Kermit dies. In response to Kermit’s death, Squirtle and Yellow Toad swim toward Mimic. Namor rushes in between the combatants and grabs both Midgets in head locks. Sickening crunches are heard as necks are broken. Squirtle's and Yellow Toad’s lifeless bodies float away.
Meanwhile, Qwsp has warped reality around him, forming an air bubble that protects him from drowning. Qwsp then lashes out and World 2-2 becomes a disjointed area of desert – no water. Namor and Aspen are caught off guard and crash to the sands below, gasping at the shock to their bodies. Qwsp laughs as the Brotherhood has finally gained the upper hand over Team SP’s water trio. Mimic does not have the limitations of his brethren and immediately uses the telekinesis of Jean Gray to whip Qwsp into the ground. Namor shakes off his queasiness and seizes the opportunity. Namor uses his winged ankles to fly full speed at the fifth-dimensioner. The Atlantean, who now holds his trident, pierces his weapon through Qwsp, who instantly dies. With Qwsp’s death, the dimensional realities re-align and World 2-2 becomes its proper watery realm. Aspen, Namor and Mimic are pleased.
Mimic: One more . . .
Mimic is unable to finish his sentence as theses are the last words uttered from his mouth. Gamera engulfs the mutant, whose dead body lies ravaged in its maw. Namor and Aspen combine forces to fight the behemoth. Namor uses his superhuman strength to damage both eyes of Gamera. The now blinded beast screams in pain. Gamera uses his flame breath to sizzle the water around him and manages to hit Namor in the process. The intensity of the water around Namor boils him alive; his dead body floats away. Gamera moves into its shell and begins to spin in its signature move to briefly escape and gather its senses. Seeing an opportunity to end the fight, Aspen manipulates the water around the two and creates an astronomical water spear. Gamera flies straight into it and is skewered from head to tail.
Aspen: Looks like I’m having both frog legs and turtle tonight. . . nice Cajun meal. . .
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: All dead.
Team Sleeping Pussy: Aspen survives.
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
week 2- The Abomitrons vs The Transfoamers
The Abomitrons is: Mario Mario, Luigi Mario, Batman w/ green lantern ring, and Leviathon
The Transfoamers is: Rebel Trooper #1, Black Lantern Darth Bane, Darth Zannah, and Hammer Brothers #17-22
Rebel Trooper #1 bursts in to the Transfoamers locker room which is still occupied with Hammer Bros. 18, 21, and 22. The Transfoamers locker room absolutely, completely 100% reeks of alcohol.
"What's going on around here? Why does it smell like Miguel Cabrera's liver exploded in here?" Rebel Trooper #1 demands to know
"I dunno about this guy over here..." Hammer Brother #18 slurs "but this brother is HAMMERED!!!"
"Awww, no way" responds Brother #21 "THIS Brother is HAMMERED too!!!"
"You guys aren't gonna believe this but..." begins #22
"I swear to god, if you say this brother is hammered I will shoot you in the face" Rebel Trooper #1 growls. "Why are you guys all wasted when we've got a match going on out there, we're getting our butts kicked?"
"Heh. Dude. Why are we losing?" asks #18 "It's like Batman, some goofy fish guy and then some Immells against us and some Star Trek guys. We got home field advantage."
"Immel? What's an Immel? That sounds lame." #21 chimes in "Like isn't that a baseball player or something?"
"That's a Trammel" an increasingly agitated Rebel Trooper responds "An Immel is like a combination of two things or something like that, but that's not the point there's been a roster change."
"Heh. I guess you're an Immel then Trooper" #22 says cutting off the Rebel mid-sentence "You're a combo of my butt and uhhhh a BUTT!!!!"
"AWWWWW, SICK BURN!!!!!" #18 screeches
Hammer Bro #21 puts an empty beer case on his head, raises his hammer and for no reason yells out "I AM THOR!!"
"Guys! There are NO Immels, they got switched out at the last minute for the Mario Brothers." the Trooper is able to finish his sentence, finally relaying this important bit of info to the tankered turtles.
"Wait. What? The Mario Brothers?? Those guys suck" #22 says "Why are those d-bags fighting? They're not Immels. Wha happened?"
Rebel Trooper is able to compose himself to finally regale the trashed tortesi the tale of the match thus far "At the last second the Abomitrons realized that world 2-2 would give the Marios a pretty good home field advantage..."
"RIPOFF ARTISTS!!!!"
"Shut up. Anyway. Me, that creepy black lantern, Darth Zannah, and the other Hammer Brothers started the battle and we were able to take out Luigi, but all that did was royally cheese off Mario who took out Darth Zannah, Batman handled your brothers and Darth Bane got eaten by the Leviathon. I barely escaped to come and find you schmucks here getting plowed."
"Heh. You ran away? The Mighty Thor wouldst never run from a fight you sissy girl." #21 retorts "Well, let's got hammer us some..who are we fighting again?"
"Who cares. I gotta take a leak, let's get to the water and take care of my business and then the rest of the business." #18 says
"Fine, whatever. Let's go." the exasperated Rebel Trooper says.
The rest of the beleaguered Transfoamers warp out of a green pipe and wind up right infront of the Abomintrons.
"Oh. $@*#" says the Rebel Trooper reaching for his blaster as Hammer Brother #22 says "HEY!!! I know those GUYS!!! It's teh Batman!!!"
"-tt-" says Batman and wills a giant green mallet into existence that he uses to bonk Hammer Brother #22 on the head, killing him.
"Dude, this music sucks. I'll be right back Hammer Brother #18 remarks about the classic Mario theme and warps down into the green pipe again, narrowly missing a fireball that Mario has thrown at his head.
The Rebel Trooper is not as lucky as the eighteenth Hammer Brother and is fried by Mario's flaming ball of death.
"Okie Dokie. Let'sa finish offa this meatball and getta some spaghetti" Mario gleefully proclaims, as it looks like he has avoided going to the FantasyFantasy Graveyard this match.
Then, fate intervenes and turns this entire battle on it's head.
Suddenly the world of 2-2 is rocked by a synthesized beat and the words "Hot and dangerous, if you're one of us than roll with us. Cause we make the hipsters fall in love, when we got our hotpants on and up"
"Wha?" says Batman who turns his head to see where the vocal styling of Ke$ha is springing from.
"Have at thee. Taste the might of mjolen...mah-joll,,mah..uh...my HAMMER" says the still inebriated #21 and throws his hammer at he glowing green dark knight
As the tiny hammer is hurtling at the Batman, the Leviathon suddenly start to twitch and then his chest explodes as it turns out Black Lantern Darth Bane is not out of this fight yet.
"Mama Mia!" shouts Mario who is suddenly impaled through the chest, ironically, by part of the Leviathon's ribcage
Now it's down to the Black Lantern, the Dark Knight and one halfshell that's half in the bag. Batman readies himself assessing the situation when behind him he hears the sound of a pipe warp and Hammer Brother #18 pops out yelling "Dude. I this is MY JAM!!! We're tearing it apar-par-par-par-papart. You know we're superstars" he croons as he pulls the handles off of his hammers and turns them into glowsticks and starts dancing like a rave kid among the chaos.
This provides just enough distraction for Darth Bane to swoop in and, just like the DC villain of the same name but minus the Darth part, breaks Batman's back over his knee, killing the caped crusader as Darth Bane is hardcore.
"Dude. Did we win?" questions Hammer Brother #18 as black lantern Darth Bane flies off to find more suitable prey than a pair of alcoholic turtles.
"Verily. Now let us celibrate with a flaggered of mead" says Hammer Brother #21
"Huh?"
"Dude Let's get us some SHOTS!!!!"
"Hecks ya. You're buying, I'm flying!!!" and the two victorious tortoise stagger off to continue their binge.
The Abomitrons: ALL DEAD
The Transfoamers: Black Lantern Darth Bane, and Hammer Brothers #18 and #21 survive.
THE TRANSFOAMERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
The Transfoamers is: Rebel Trooper #1, Black Lantern Darth Bane, Darth Zannah, and Hammer Brothers #17-22
Rebel Trooper #1 bursts in to the Transfoamers locker room which is still occupied with Hammer Bros. 18, 21, and 22. The Transfoamers locker room absolutely, completely 100% reeks of alcohol.
"What's going on around here? Why does it smell like Miguel Cabrera's liver exploded in here?" Rebel Trooper #1 demands to know
"I dunno about this guy over here..." Hammer Brother #18 slurs "but this brother is HAMMERED!!!"
"Awww, no way" responds Brother #21 "THIS Brother is HAMMERED too!!!"
"You guys aren't gonna believe this but..." begins #22
"I swear to god, if you say this brother is hammered I will shoot you in the face" Rebel Trooper #1 growls. "Why are you guys all wasted when we've got a match going on out there, we're getting our butts kicked?"
"Heh. Dude. Why are we losing?" asks #18 "It's like Batman, some goofy fish guy and then some Immells against us and some Star Trek guys. We got home field advantage."
"Immel? What's an Immel? That sounds lame." #21 chimes in "Like isn't that a baseball player or something?"
"That's a Trammel" an increasingly agitated Rebel Trooper responds "An Immel is like a combination of two things or something like that, but that's not the point there's been a roster change."
"Heh. I guess you're an Immel then Trooper" #22 says cutting off the Rebel mid-sentence "You're a combo of my butt and uhhhh a BUTT!!!!"
"AWWWWW, SICK BURN!!!!!" #18 screeches
Hammer Bro #21 puts an empty beer case on his head, raises his hammer and for no reason yells out "I AM THOR!!"
"Guys! There are NO Immels, they got switched out at the last minute for the Mario Brothers." the Trooper is able to finish his sentence, finally relaying this important bit of info to the tankered turtles.
"Wait. What? The Mario Brothers?? Those guys suck" #22 says "Why are those d-bags fighting? They're not Immels. Wha happened?"
Rebel Trooper is able to compose himself to finally regale the trashed tortesi the tale of the match thus far "At the last second the Abomitrons realized that world 2-2 would give the Marios a pretty good home field advantage..."
"RIPOFF ARTISTS!!!!"
"Shut up. Anyway. Me, that creepy black lantern, Darth Zannah, and the other Hammer Brothers started the battle and we were able to take out Luigi, but all that did was royally cheese off Mario who took out Darth Zannah, Batman handled your brothers and Darth Bane got eaten by the Leviathon. I barely escaped to come and find you schmucks here getting plowed."
"Heh. You ran away? The Mighty Thor wouldst never run from a fight you sissy girl." #21 retorts "Well, let's got hammer us some..who are we fighting again?"
"Who cares. I gotta take a leak, let's get to the water and take care of my business and then the rest of the business." #18 says
"Fine, whatever. Let's go." the exasperated Rebel Trooper says.
The rest of the beleaguered Transfoamers warp out of a green pipe and wind up right infront of the Abomintrons.
"Oh. $@*#" says the Rebel Trooper reaching for his blaster as Hammer Brother #22 says "HEY!!! I know those GUYS!!! It's teh Batman!!!"
"-tt-" says Batman and wills a giant green mallet into existence that he uses to bonk Hammer Brother #22 on the head, killing him.
"Dude, this music sucks. I'll be right back Hammer Brother #18 remarks about the classic Mario theme and warps down into the green pipe again, narrowly missing a fireball that Mario has thrown at his head.
The Rebel Trooper is not as lucky as the eighteenth Hammer Brother and is fried by Mario's flaming ball of death.
"Okie Dokie. Let'sa finish offa this meatball and getta some spaghetti" Mario gleefully proclaims, as it looks like he has avoided going to the FantasyFantasy Graveyard this match.
Then, fate intervenes and turns this entire battle on it's head.
Suddenly the world of 2-2 is rocked by a synthesized beat and the words "Hot and dangerous, if you're one of us than roll with us. Cause we make the hipsters fall in love, when we got our hotpants on and up"
"Wha?" says Batman who turns his head to see where the vocal styling of Ke$ha is springing from.
"Have at thee. Taste the might of mjolen...mah-joll,,mah..uh...my HAMMER" says the still inebriated #21 and throws his hammer at he glowing green dark knight
As the tiny hammer is hurtling at the Batman, the Leviathon suddenly start to twitch and then his chest explodes as it turns out Black Lantern Darth Bane is not out of this fight yet.
"Mama Mia!" shouts Mario who is suddenly impaled through the chest, ironically, by part of the Leviathon's ribcage
Now it's down to the Black Lantern, the Dark Knight and one halfshell that's half in the bag. Batman readies himself assessing the situation when behind him he hears the sound of a pipe warp and Hammer Brother #18 pops out yelling "Dude. I this is MY JAM!!! We're tearing it apar-par-par-par-papart. You know we're superstars" he croons as he pulls the handles off of his hammers and turns them into glowsticks and starts dancing like a rave kid among the chaos.
This provides just enough distraction for Darth Bane to swoop in and, just like the DC villain of the same name but minus the Darth part, breaks Batman's back over his knee, killing the caped crusader as Darth Bane is hardcore.
"Dude. Did we win?" questions Hammer Brother #18 as black lantern Darth Bane flies off to find more suitable prey than a pair of alcoholic turtles.
"Verily. Now let us celibrate with a flaggered of mead" says Hammer Brother #21
"Huh?"
"Dude Let's get us some SHOTS!!!!"
"Hecks ya. You're buying, I'm flying!!!" and the two victorious tortoise stagger off to continue their binge.
The Abomitrons: ALL DEAD
The Transfoamers: Black Lantern Darth Bane, and Hammer Brothers #18 and #21 survive.
THE TRANSFOAMERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
week 2- The Untouchables vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad
The Untouchables is : Kryptonian Soldiers #1 &2, and zombie Michelangelo
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is : Supergirl (Death of Superman shapeshifter version), Windhammer, and The Kraken
The match begins as the two Military Guild Kryptonians are flying around world 2-2 above the water carrying the zombie Ninja turtle, looking for their opponents.
"So remember the plan, we drop this rotten turtle carcass on Xavier's like a bio-missile, and while they're dealing with him we eradicate the team with our powers. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy." says soldier #1
"Got it." replies soldier #2 "Hey, what's that weird glow down there? Looks like a giant tuning fork. That's kinda odd."
What the giant tuning fork turns out to be is the main weapon of Silverhawks' villain Windhammer, who uses the device to whip up a powerful hurricane, causing the Kryptonians to lose their hold on the undead party dude sending him hurtling to the water shouting his classic phrase "Huuurrraaarrrggghhhhhh", cause you know, that's pretty much every zombie's catch phrase.
"Great, just great." proclaims #1 as the fierce wind whips around them "You go find our bio-weapon, I'll see if I can do something about this weather, and the two split up.
#1 notices the glow of Windhammer's weapon and quickly uses her heatvision to zap the instrument of destruction out of his hand. As Windhammer scurries to retrieve his tuning fork soldier #1 quickly flies through his body, tearing him in half.
As the Kryptonian goes to make a clever quip, since Kryptonians are known for their puns, she hears her fellow military man call out, then hears a peculiar SPLASH, like something being drug under water,
"What in Rao's name?" thinks the first Kryptonian Military guild member and she flies off to investigate.
She spots her partner floating on the surface of the water, barely conscious.
"Rao above, what happened?" she exclaims as she lands in the water and pulls her teammate into her arms
""Xavier's" sputters her Kryptonain brethren "They...they suckered us..then attacked with...with..."
"With what?" asks #1 as she leans in closer to hear what could be her teammates final words
"With the Kracken" whispers her partner
"Kracken? What's a Kracken?"
"Oh, you'll see" #2 responds with a smirk, suddenly alot more energetic
"Wait, what's.." Kryptonian soldier #1 starts
"Surprise." and in a flash "Kryptonian soldier #2 is revealed to be, in fact Supergirl, who quickly suckerpunches soldier #1 and takes off into the air as fast as she can, as the massive beast known as the Kracken bursts up to the surface and consumes Kryptonian soldier #1 just as it did the other fallen members of the Untouchables.
"Heh. Looks like they weren't so "Untouchable" after all remarks Supergirl as she flies off victorious "Now that's what's "Kracken". Supergirls puts on her sunglasses and flies into the sun as the opening to the Who's "Won't be fooled again" suddenly plays in the background.
YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
The Untouchables: All dead.
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Supergirl and The Kracken survive
XAVIER'S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Week One: The Syracuse Valley vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies
The Syracuse Valley is Splinter, Venus de Milo and Gordon Barba.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies are Etrigan the Demon and Ewok #30.
As the record plays,
Late nights turn into early days.
The siren scream is heard,
But no one on the Valley dares to say a word.
They know that this is Season Four,
And their team has already seen too much gore.
The door slowly opens to Josh’s abode,
Though they were expecting it to explode.
A tall, thin man enters with a calm walk,
And with him he brings a furry Ewok.
Though this may be his final fight,
Gordon Barba is ready to show his might.
Gordon rushes in as he begins to see red,
He then kicks the Ewok straight in the head.
Jason Blood see this and knocks Gordon over,
Causing him to quickly take cover.
The man known as Blood then yells,
“Yarva Demonicus Etrigan.
Change, change the form of man.
Free the prince forever damned.
Free the might from fleshy mire.
Boil the blood in heart of fire.
Gone, gone the form of man,
Rise the demon Etrigan!”
Etrigan lunges and reaches out,
Causing Gordon to scream and shout.
He pulls on the legs and arms,
Hoping to cause him great harm.
The Demon then breaks every last bone,
As Gordon lets out one final quiet groan.
The female turtle leaps into action,
Against the lone member of the opposing faction.
She flips towards the Demon with great ire,
But is met with a massive burst of Hellfire.
Her roasted body falls to the floor,
And Splinter sees that Venus is no more.
The calm rodent is always known to meditate,
Though he is not one to hesitate.
Splinter knows when the times is right,
He will be ready to take on the fight!
“Your power is evil my friend,
Though I do not mean to offend.
We both know it’s because of that,
You will lose to this mutant rat.”
Splinter then spin kicks Etrigan in the jaw,
Stunning and causing him to pause in awe.
Etrigan continues to breathe his Hellfire.
Trying his hardest not to be outclassed,
But the rodent is dodging every single blast.
The Demon finally grabs a hold of the rat,
And slams him into the wall like a baseball bat.
Etrigan picks up Splinter and snaps him over his head,
Thus ending the match and leaving the Valley all dead.
BROCK SAMSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies are Etrigan the Demon and Ewok #30.
As the record plays,
Late nights turn into early days.
The siren scream is heard,
But no one on the Valley dares to say a word.
They know that this is Season Four,
And their team has already seen too much gore.
The door slowly opens to Josh’s abode,
Though they were expecting it to explode.
A tall, thin man enters with a calm walk,
And with him he brings a furry Ewok.
Though this may be his final fight,
Gordon Barba is ready to show his might.
Gordon rushes in as he begins to see red,
He then kicks the Ewok straight in the head.
Jason Blood see this and knocks Gordon over,
Causing him to quickly take cover.
The man known as Blood then yells,
“Yarva Demonicus Etrigan.
Change, change the form of man.
Free the prince forever damned.
Free the might from fleshy mire.
Boil the blood in heart of fire.
Gone, gone the form of man,
Rise the demon Etrigan!”
Etrigan lunges and reaches out,
Causing Gordon to scream and shout.
He pulls on the legs and arms,
Hoping to cause him great harm.
The Demon then breaks every last bone,
As Gordon lets out one final quiet groan.
The female turtle leaps into action,
Against the lone member of the opposing faction.
She flips towards the Demon with great ire,
But is met with a massive burst of Hellfire.
Her roasted body falls to the floor,
And Splinter sees that Venus is no more.
The calm rodent is always known to meditate,
Though he is not one to hesitate.
Splinter knows when the times is right,
He will be ready to take on the fight!
“Your power is evil my friend,
Though I do not mean to offend.
We both know it’s because of that,
You will lose to this mutant rat.”
Splinter then spin kicks Etrigan in the jaw,
Stunning and causing him to pause in awe.
Etrigan continues to breathe his Hellfire.
Trying his hardest not to be outclassed,
But the rodent is dodging every single blast.
The Demon finally grabs a hold of the rat,
And slams him into the wall like a baseball bat.
Etrigan picks up Splinter and snaps him over his head,
Thus ending the match and leaving the Valley all dead.
BROCK SAMSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living TogetherVs. Better Than All of You
Better Than All of You is The Rock, Oderus Urungus, Stone Cold Steve Austin, 2 Cobra Vipers
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are
Spawn, Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. mint (w/ a blue lightsaber), Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice (w/ a blue lightsaber), & Gloppy the Mollasses Monster,and Smurf #7
11:09 Griffin finally gets to Josh’s apartment. The Candy Land Crew is standing out side looking very angry.
Jolly: Dude where have you been, we have been standing here since Monday! Eah, Why do you smell like hot garbage covered in ketchup and mustard? And dude are you bleeding? DUDE WHAT THE ….DUDE?
Griffin: First off my bad. I did not realize you guys had been here that long and I’ve been really busy, again my bad. Second, I smell like this because I’ve just spent the last thirteen hours cooking garbage and putting ketchup and mustard, among other things, on top of said garbage. And lastly I don’t know what that is, it’s probably dried turkey or beef blood.
Griffin smells the substance then licks it.
Jolly: DUDE!!!
Griffin: I was way off, its chipotle barbecue.
Jolly: Okay can we just get this thing going already.
Griffin: Yea no problem, lets go.
Griffin opens the door and proceeds to Josh’s big red couch, which he does not remember from before but figures it’s the best place to watch the match. THE DOOR FLINGS OPEN
The Rock: CAN YOU SMELELLELELELELELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN.
The rock charges the 3 Ginger bread people and easily smashes them to bits. He now turns his attention to the rest of the crew, who are a little intimidated but quickly realize they have him out numbered and out gunned.
The Rock: THE ROCK IS ABOUT TO LAY THE SMACK DOWN ON ALL YOU CANDY A** JABRONIES!
Princess Lolly: Oh yea well we’ve got you outnumbered.
Just then Stone Cold Steve Austin jumps through the window along with the 2 cobra vipers. The two tag teams rush the Candy Land Crew, and even though they have light sabers, the years of battle experience the four members of better than all of you poses allow them to easily snap the necks, break the backs, and crush the skulls of the Candy Crew.
Thinking they are victorious The four team mates high five, but as soon as their hands touch chains shoot out of the couch Griffin is sitting on and impale the men’s hands together. Spawn throws Griffin off and stands up, with no possible means of escape spawn takes his time killing the four men. starting with the cobra viper’s 2 and 3. Spawn decides to see if he can fit Cobra viper #2’s head, helmet and all, up Cobra Viper#3’s butt hole. He is successful, but neither man lives and Josh’s carpeting is again covered In blood and fecal matter. Next he dangles stone cold upside down and using his chain again slowly peels the skin from stone colds body. Now it’s the Rock’s turn and he arguably gets it the worst. Spawn uses his Necro-energy to cook The rock from the inside out which took about 20 minutes. Late as usual, Oderus Urungus finally walks in.
Oderus: Dude why didn’t you guys wait for me? I told you guys Ied be here. What you don’t think I like killing people? You didn’t save me anybody.
Spawn: Were not on the same team dick.
Oderus: Oh yeah.
Spawn wraps his chains around Oderus’s head and pops his skull open spewing green liquid everywhere. Obviously spawn is not aware that Oderus’s has had his skull crushed far to many times to count and built up somewhat of an immunity to it, which allows him ignite his light saber and cut spawns head off.
Oderus: AAAWWWW Come on were is the blood? I hate this thing. SCORE space crack.
Oderus has spotted a little blue and white object on the floor which he believes to be space crack when in fact its smurf #7. Who was immediately smoked by oderus.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: ALL DEAD
Better Than All of You: Oderus Urungus survives
Better Than All of You is victorious!
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are
Spawn, Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. mint (w/ a blue lightsaber), Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice (w/ a blue lightsaber), & Gloppy the Mollasses Monster,and Smurf #7
11:09 Griffin finally gets to Josh’s apartment. The Candy Land Crew is standing out side looking very angry.
Jolly: Dude where have you been, we have been standing here since Monday! Eah, Why do you smell like hot garbage covered in ketchup and mustard? And dude are you bleeding? DUDE WHAT THE ….DUDE?
Griffin: First off my bad. I did not realize you guys had been here that long and I’ve been really busy, again my bad. Second, I smell like this because I’ve just spent the last thirteen hours cooking garbage and putting ketchup and mustard, among other things, on top of said garbage. And lastly I don’t know what that is, it’s probably dried turkey or beef blood.
Griffin smells the substance then licks it.
Jolly: DUDE!!!
Griffin: I was way off, its chipotle barbecue.
Jolly: Okay can we just get this thing going already.
Griffin: Yea no problem, lets go.
Griffin opens the door and proceeds to Josh’s big red couch, which he does not remember from before but figures it’s the best place to watch the match. THE DOOR FLINGS OPEN
The Rock: CAN YOU SMELELLELELELELELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN.
The rock charges the 3 Ginger bread people and easily smashes them to bits. He now turns his attention to the rest of the crew, who are a little intimidated but quickly realize they have him out numbered and out gunned.
The Rock: THE ROCK IS ABOUT TO LAY THE SMACK DOWN ON ALL YOU CANDY A** JABRONIES!
Princess Lolly: Oh yea well we’ve got you outnumbered.
Just then Stone Cold Steve Austin jumps through the window along with the 2 cobra vipers. The two tag teams rush the Candy Land Crew, and even though they have light sabers, the years of battle experience the four members of better than all of you poses allow them to easily snap the necks, break the backs, and crush the skulls of the Candy Crew.
Thinking they are victorious The four team mates high five, but as soon as their hands touch chains shoot out of the couch Griffin is sitting on and impale the men’s hands together. Spawn throws Griffin off and stands up, with no possible means of escape spawn takes his time killing the four men. starting with the cobra viper’s 2 and 3. Spawn decides to see if he can fit Cobra viper #2’s head, helmet and all, up Cobra Viper#3’s butt hole. He is successful, but neither man lives and Josh’s carpeting is again covered In blood and fecal matter. Next he dangles stone cold upside down and using his chain again slowly peels the skin from stone colds body. Now it’s the Rock’s turn and he arguably gets it the worst. Spawn uses his Necro-energy to cook The rock from the inside out which took about 20 minutes. Late as usual, Oderus Urungus finally walks in.
Oderus: Dude why didn’t you guys wait for me? I told you guys Ied be here. What you don’t think I like killing people? You didn’t save me anybody.
Spawn: Were not on the same team dick.
Oderus: Oh yeah.
Spawn wraps his chains around Oderus’s head and pops his skull open spewing green liquid everywhere. Obviously spawn is not aware that Oderus’s has had his skull crushed far to many times to count and built up somewhat of an immunity to it, which allows him ignite his light saber and cut spawns head off.
Oderus: AAAWWWW Come on were is the blood? I hate this thing. SCORE space crack.
Oderus has spotted a little blue and white object on the floor which he believes to be space crack when in fact its smurf #7. Who was immediately smoked by oderus.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: ALL DEAD
Better Than All of You: Oderus Urungus survives
Better Than All of You is victorious!
The Abomitrons Vs. Oblivio
The Abomitrons Vs. Oblivio
The Abomitrons are Iron Man and Ewok Child #1
Oblivio is Chucky w/ Yellow Lantern Ring and Heavy (Clonetrooper from The Clone Wars cartoon)
Oblivio is dropped off at Josh’s apartment by there team owner Teresa.
Teresa: Okay guys 1st match is the most important match, this will set the tone for the rest of the season. I need you two to be as brutal as possible, but still have fun out there. Oh and chucky watch your mouth for this one, kids will be reading it.
Chucky: Lady you can suck my little doll ..SLAM!!! Oh what the Fu.. CRACK! SMASH! POOWWW!
Teresa has produced one of those small souvenir bats you get at a baseball game, and she has begun to violently and repeatedly beat chucky in the face and hands with it.
Teresa: So help me God chucky, if you cross me I will transfer your soul into a weeble.
Chucky: You don’t know the spell ya stupid Bi…..
Teresa begins to chant....
Ade Due Damballa. Give me the power, I beg of you!! Leveau mercier du bois chaloitte! Secoise entienne mais pois de morte! Morteisma lieu de vocuier de mieu vochette.
Endelieu pour du boisette Damballa!!!
Chucky: OKAY! OKAY! Just shut up already.
SMASH!
Teresa has added another crack to the dolls already mangled face with her souvenir bat.
Oblivio Enters the apartment and immediately see Ewok child#1 Playing the wii and having the most fun he’s ever had. All the joy in the air sends chucky into a murderous rage. He fly’s over to the small cuddly creature and begins to thrust his favorite little knife into its torso.
Chucky: Heh hahahaha HA!" wait where’s the blood.
Ewok child #1: Hold on ill get you some.
Ewok child#1 Rams his small but deadly flint blade into chucky’s jugular, A high pressure stream of blood paints Josh’s wall’s. Suddenly the Ewok Child is vaporized by a blast from the heavy clone troopers massive blaster. But before the trooper even has time to acquire a new target, Iron man Fly’s right through the kitchen wall and rips the trooper in half, which covers Josh’s living room in blood and excrement. Josh enters to congratulate Iron man on his quick win.
Josh: Hey Congrates on the win, the ewok hologram was genius.
Iron Man: Yea, I know, I am Tony Stark everything I do is genius.
Josh: Yea so Tony Starks insurance should cover these damages right.
Tony Stark: Ha, I didn’t get this rich writing checks buddy.
The Abomitrons are victorious!
Oblivio: All dead
The Abomitrons: Iron man survives
The Abomitrons are Iron Man and Ewok Child #1
Oblivio is Chucky w/ Yellow Lantern Ring and Heavy (Clonetrooper from The Clone Wars cartoon)
Oblivio is dropped off at Josh’s apartment by there team owner Teresa.
Teresa: Okay guys 1st match is the most important match, this will set the tone for the rest of the season. I need you two to be as brutal as possible, but still have fun out there. Oh and chucky watch your mouth for this one, kids will be reading it.
Chucky: Lady you can suck my little doll ..SLAM!!! Oh what the Fu.. CRACK! SMASH! POOWWW!
Teresa has produced one of those small souvenir bats you get at a baseball game, and she has begun to violently and repeatedly beat chucky in the face and hands with it.
Teresa: So help me God chucky, if you cross me I will transfer your soul into a weeble.
Chucky: You don’t know the spell ya stupid Bi…..
Teresa begins to chant....
Ade Due Damballa. Give me the power, I beg of you!! Leveau mercier du bois chaloitte! Secoise entienne mais pois de morte! Morteisma lieu de vocuier de mieu vochette.
Endelieu pour du boisette Damballa!!!
Chucky: OKAY! OKAY! Just shut up already.
SMASH!
Teresa has added another crack to the dolls already mangled face with her souvenir bat.
Oblivio Enters the apartment and immediately see Ewok child#1 Playing the wii and having the most fun he’s ever had. All the joy in the air sends chucky into a murderous rage. He fly’s over to the small cuddly creature and begins to thrust his favorite little knife into its torso.
Chucky: Heh hahahaha HA!" wait where’s the blood.
Ewok child #1: Hold on ill get you some.
Ewok child#1 Rams his small but deadly flint blade into chucky’s jugular, A high pressure stream of blood paints Josh’s wall’s. Suddenly the Ewok Child is vaporized by a blast from the heavy clone troopers massive blaster. But before the trooper even has time to acquire a new target, Iron man Fly’s right through the kitchen wall and rips the trooper in half, which covers Josh’s living room in blood and excrement. Josh enters to congratulate Iron man on his quick win.
Josh: Hey Congrates on the win, the ewok hologram was genius.
Iron Man: Yea, I know, I am Tony Stark everything I do is genius.
Josh: Yea so Tony Starks insurance should cover these damages right.
Tony Stark: Ha, I didn’t get this rich writing checks buddy.
The Abomitrons are victorious!
Oblivio: All dead
The Abomitrons: Iron man survives
Week 1: Logical Genocide vs. The Untouchables
The Untouchables are: Eclipso
The Battle begins in an unusual way... with a fight over parking... The Eclipso mobile (a 1987 Dodge shadow with heavily tinted windows... of course) is sitting in the only available parking space outside Josh Houslander's palatial apartment.
"Alright this is crap, why on earth did we even drive here? The other teams get 'transported to the battlefield' half the frikkin time..." said Bane.
"Yeah well our Watcher is apparently a lazy dink..." said Sniffles the ewok in an uncharacteristically mean snap.
*OH WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT* said a mysterious voice.
"What the crap was that!?" shouted the small blue creature riding on Bane's shoulder.
"Nevermind that, little one, lets just double park and go inside." Bane said.
So Bane pulled his truck in behind the Eclipsicar and made sure the bumpers were touching before he put it in park and got out.
"Why is she just sitting there?" the blue creature said.
"That's a really good question!" said Sniffles... "lets bust out her friggin windows!"
Normally Bane would be above such petty vandalism but he had a sneaking suspicion what Eclipso was doing...
Bane thumbed the injector buttons on his venom rig and waited for the drugs to kick in.
Eclipso was powerless to stop him as he smashed in all the windows of the car, exposing her to direct sunlight which rendered Eclipso completely powerless.
Bane then easily held her down while Roster Filler Smurf proceeded to beat the supposed superpower to death with a rock.
Logical Genocide is victorious!
Week One: Le Napoleon Brigade VS The Transfoamers
Le Napoleon Brigade : Golden Age Wonder Woman (Hippolyta) and Evil-Lyn
The Transfoamers: James Hetfield (W/Red Lightsaber), Lars Ulrich(W/Halberd), Kirk Hammett (W/Atlas), Jason Newsted (W/Heat Axe), and Zam Wessel
Setting, somewhere around 3am in Josh Houslander’s apartment.
“EXXXXXXXXXIT LIGHT……ENNNNNNTER NIGHT!!!”
“Stop, STOP…Lars goddamit we have been playing this song for 20 years, can’t you keep the beat on it by now .”
Lead singer, James Hetfield, now frustrated from practicing the same song for the last 3 ½ hours shouts gruffly at his long time drummer.
“Shut up James, you aren’t any better than the rest of us, I know how to play the flipping song, and you don’t have to stop every other verse to call me out.” Ulrich quips back
“Boys, boys enough”, former Bassist Jason Newstead, interjects, “ I really do appreciated you boys asking me to come back and play with you here in my home state, I know I never mentioned this before, but it was your constant bickering that caused me to leave this band in the first place.”
Now Enraged, Tired, and frustrated Hetfield slams his guitar to the ground, and rushes toward Newstead, looking to choke him out with the microphone cord, and is just about to reach him, when longtime lead guitarist Kirk Hammett steps in between the two, and exclaims, “Maybe we should call it an evening boys”
“No we are Fu#*!ng Metallica, and we are gonna get this Fu#*!ng song perfect” , Hetfield shoots back. “This is Detroit, Rock City, and this is the 20year anniversary of Enter Sandman, and that Housesitter kid was nice enough to lend us his apartment while he and his kids went down to ‘The National Waffle, Pancakes, and Star Wars Convention’ in Tupelo Mississippi, for the weekend, so we are going to perfect this effing song.
All of a sudden there is a knock at the door. All four boys spring up and head to the door, thinking it could only be the cops at this hour in the morning, and they don’t need any more headaches than the day has already been. Hetfield reaches the door first, swings it open and says, “Sorry oficerrrr Hello!”. On the other side of the door is a stunningly tall ebony haired woman.
“Could you and your boys keep it down, my associate and I traveled a very long way to get here today, and have a lot of work to do, tomorrow and would appreciate if you allowed us to get some sleep.
“Groupies James, Groupies, invite them in, “a little fun” is exactly what I need right now” quips one of the band members behind Hetfield, he doesn’t turn around to identify who it is.
“Boy’s we are only going to ask nicely one more time, and then you will not like the outcome after that.”
“Are you threatening us lady, it’s been a long day for us as well, and now would not be the time to stand there and Idly threaten us. It is not our bands M.O to strike women, but I cannot be held accountable for my actions, with the mood I’m in now.”
For the time being cooler heads prevail and both parties disperse back to their adjoining apartment buildings.
Once safely inside their apartment, Evil-Lyn shoots a stern look in the direction of her associate and quips, “We could have silenced them….FOR GOOD.”
“We must not reveal ourselves to these mortals. That is not what we have been tasked to do”. Hippolyta replies.
“As, you wish, I will then bid you a good night and retire to my room”. Evil-Lyn states as she walks down the hall, however she has other thoughts on her mind. From the time the band next door began practicing that filth, she had been plotting on silencing them forever.
Evil-Lyn sneaks out the bedroom window and walks next door to observe what the band is up to. She notices that they have picked their instruments back up. She also notices a roadie is adjusting the amplifiers, so she feels this is the perfect time to make her move. She raises her wand un unleashes a sonic wave the blows out the picture window she is peering through, and sends all four members of the band, and their roadie flying through the air and crashing through the wall that separates their practice space in the living room, from the kitchen. As the dust settles, the boys realize that with only a couple of scrapes and cuts, they are all still alive. Evil-Lyn steps through the opening where the window used to be and prepares her next move, fully unaware that the band, knowing Detroit’s rough reputation, had packed a few party favors for personal protection. The band emerges from the rubble, four strong, brandishing the weapons they had stored in the kitchen, and ready for battle. Newsted strikes first as he raises his Heat Axe at the sorceress and unleashes a fire ball. The sorceress is easily able block this, and returns with a conjured blast of ice, that freezes Newsted in his tracks.
As the fighting rages on, the roadie emerges from the rubble, and sneaks out the front door, however this is no ordinary roadie. This is the shape shifter Zam Wessell, hired by Metallica to offer personal protection for the band, because again this is Detroit, and you can never be too safe. Zam had observed the earlier confrontation at the front door, and observed the strength and beauty that was Hippolyta, and knew if she became involved in this fight; the boys in the band were in trouble. Zam, grabs a large piece of the blown out window, takes the form of Evil-Lyn and runs next door.
“Hurry...Hippolyta please help. That band is crazy. The kicked out my window and dragged me from my bed, however I was able to summon just enough magic to break free and get to you. We must put these rabid dogs down for good.”
Reluctantly Hippolyta agrees something must now be done. She steps outside and begins to walk next door, to assess just what must be done to rectify this situation. Zam pulls out the concealed shard from the wreckage next door and stabs violently at the massive Amazonian queen. The shard merely glances off the Queen’s girdle, and Hippolyta wheels around in stunned confusion, raises the staff she had grabbed from her appointment, and strikes Zam down on the spot. She then runs into the apartment to find the true from of her companion locked in what is currently a 3 on 1 battle. As she runs in to join the battle, her staff clangs against the now frozen Jason Newstead, and he is shattered into pieces. She takes her place next to Evil-Lyn, and the true battle is now on.
Kirk Hammet is next to act. He grabs his atlas and rushes at Evil-Lyn. While James and Lars decide they are going to play a game of one-uppsmanship against the Amazonian queen. Kirk swings at the sorceress and shatters the crystal ball that she is holding in her hand. He then swings again, and knocks the wand from the Sorceress’ hand. The force of the blow also knocks the sorceress to the ground. He raises his axe and begins to deliver the death blow. As fate would have it, the sorceress wand came to rest only inches from her on the ground, and she is able to conjure one last beam of energy. Almost simultaneously, the sorceresses head, and the guitarist lifeless body fall to the ground.
Lars steps in front of James holding two drumsticks in his hands.
“I see what you are trying to do hear” quips the Hippolyta, “I heard you drumming earlier; it was indeed brutal enough to kill a person”
Enraged, Ulrich fastens the two drumsticks together to form the magical lance “Halbert” and attacks the Amazonian Queen with a series of brutal blows. Some she is able to fend off with her staff, but more than a couple land. The Amazonian Queen is staggered, yet not defeated.
“Step Back Ulrich, and let me show you how a real man does it”, Hetfield states as he pushes his drummer behind him.
Hetfield fires up his lightsaber, and he two exchanges a series of furious blows with Hippolyta, with the same result. He is able to stager the woman, but now take her down.
Perplexed, the two remaining members of Metallica retreat to the bathroom of the apartment.
“NO, absolutely not, that goes against everything I built this band on, I will not do it” Hetfield screams at Ulrich.
“C’Mon James, woman go crazy for that power ballad s*#t. Kirk and Jason are dead, its only you and I, no one will ever know you sang the song but me”
“No I refuse to do it, I just won’t”
“James, we have had our disagreements today, and I know you don’t value my opinion, but this is a matter of life or death.”
“Fine, but if you tell anyone, you won’t have to worry about Life or Death, cuz I will kill you.”
The two immerge from the bathroom; James grabs his guitar and the microphone from the rubble and begins to sing:
“They say Every Rose has its thorn. Just like every night has its dawwwn. Just like every cowboy Sings a sad, sad song. Eve-ry rose has its thorn.”
The sappy power ballad seems to be working, the Amazonian queen seems to be entranced in the grasps of sh**ty music seduction. Lars seizes this opportunity to again rush the queen. He strikes her violently with his lance. The blow knocks the queen backwards and she crashes over a couch. Ulrich is sure he has impaled her and finished her off. So he is stunned when she arises from behind the couch. The queen thrusts hers staff forward, it enters Ulrich’s notoriously big mouth, and exits out the back of his skull, finishing him for good.
What the queen did not realize, is that while the blow from the drummer did not kill her, it did knock off the magical girdle that had kept her safe/alive throughout the course of the match. But while she did not realize this, Hetfield did, and while the queen was finishing off Ulrich, Hetfield had strategically moved behind her, and ignited the Red Lightsaber.
The queen now steps on the throat of the fallen drummer, and slowly removes her staff from his head.
“I can’t believe that because of you, I had to compromise everything I’ve ever done in my entire career”, she hears from behind her. The queen begins to wheel around quickly when it happens. Things quickly go dark, the queen can see her body standing from across the room, and her brain stays active just long enough to see it fall to the floor.
THE TRANSFOAMERS ARE VICTORIOUS.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Week One: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs The Right Wing
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is X-23 and Salacious B. Crumb.
The Right Wing is Black Lantern She-Hulk, Nick Houslander w/Blue Lightsaber, and Bear w/Green Lightsaber.
“Joan Jett?? Hells yeah!” exclaims Nick Houslander as he finishes off his coffee as The Right Wing enters Josh’s Apartment. Bear immediately sees Salacious B. Crumb perched up on top of one of the speakers in the corner. “Be’s bine Bick!” shouts Bear as he lunges at the cackling creature. They both crash to the floor, Bear quickly ignites his lightsaber and drives it through Salacious several times (possibly a few too many). “Damn dude, calm down,” Nick says to his long time partner. But before Bear can respond to Nick, they are both kicked to the ground by X-23. She then turns her attention to the real threat, which is Black Lantern She-Hulk. The zombified female version of The Hulk squares off against the female clone of Wolverine (appropriate, huh?) in a battle the causes severe damage to the living area of Josh’s Apartment. Nick and Bear have retreated to outside and are looking through the door wall. Nick looks at bear and says, “So…. Think Josh will get his security deposit back? Hahahaha.” Black Lantern She-Hulk grabs a hold of X-23 and launches her through the wall in-between the living room and the kitchen. X-23 crashes through and knocks over the refrigerator. B.L. She-Hulk then flies in and goes to finish off her opponent, but X-23 flip kicks her way back on to her feet, and in doing so slices off B.L. She-Hulk’s right arm with her foot claw. X-23 then lunges at her and slashes her way through B.L. She-Hulk’s chest until there is nothing but a mass of rotting flesh on the floor of the kitchen.
X-23 then calmly walks back into the living room sets the record player back up and drops the needle back down on the vinyl. She then looks at Nick and Bear who are outside the sliding door. X-23, with claws still extended, motions with her finger for the two of them to come back inside. “Awww, this is going to suck Bear,” Nick laments to his old chum. Bear nods his head and is the first one to rush in towards X-23. Nick is quick to follow, both of them have their lightsabers drawn, but X-23 is just too quick for them. She spin kicks Nick and slashes him across his chest. Lucky for him, it’s not a mortal wound, which is most likely due to his thick chest mane. As he regains his footing, he looks up to see Bear being ripped in half by X-23. “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Nick shouts (A lot like Obi Wan did when he saw Qui Gon get killed by Darth Maul). Nick in a blinded rage rushes X-23, but she back flips over him and drives her claws right through his neck. Nick drops to the ground and the last thing he hears is Joan Jett’s voice singing “Ah, now I don't hardly know her, But I think I could love her, Crimson and clover.”
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!!
The Right Wing is Black Lantern She-Hulk, Nick Houslander w/Blue Lightsaber, and Bear w/Green Lightsaber.
“Joan Jett?? Hells yeah!” exclaims Nick Houslander as he finishes off his coffee as The Right Wing enters Josh’s Apartment. Bear immediately sees Salacious B. Crumb perched up on top of one of the speakers in the corner. “Be’s bine Bick!” shouts Bear as he lunges at the cackling creature. They both crash to the floor, Bear quickly ignites his lightsaber and drives it through Salacious several times (possibly a few too many). “Damn dude, calm down,” Nick says to his long time partner. But before Bear can respond to Nick, they are both kicked to the ground by X-23. She then turns her attention to the real threat, which is Black Lantern She-Hulk. The zombified female version of The Hulk squares off against the female clone of Wolverine (appropriate, huh?) in a battle the causes severe damage to the living area of Josh’s Apartment. Nick and Bear have retreated to outside and are looking through the door wall. Nick looks at bear and says, “So…. Think Josh will get his security deposit back? Hahahaha.” Black Lantern She-Hulk grabs a hold of X-23 and launches her through the wall in-between the living room and the kitchen. X-23 crashes through and knocks over the refrigerator. B.L. She-Hulk then flies in and goes to finish off her opponent, but X-23 flip kicks her way back on to her feet, and in doing so slices off B.L. She-Hulk’s right arm with her foot claw. X-23 then lunges at her and slashes her way through B.L. She-Hulk’s chest until there is nothing but a mass of rotting flesh on the floor of the kitchen.
X-23 then calmly walks back into the living room sets the record player back up and drops the needle back down on the vinyl. She then looks at Nick and Bear who are outside the sliding door. X-23, with claws still extended, motions with her finger for the two of them to come back inside. “Awww, this is going to suck Bear,” Nick laments to his old chum. Bear nods his head and is the first one to rush in towards X-23. Nick is quick to follow, both of them have their lightsabers drawn, but X-23 is just too quick for them. She spin kicks Nick and slashes him across his chest. Lucky for him, it’s not a mortal wound, which is most likely due to his thick chest mane. As he regains his footing, he looks up to see Bear being ripped in half by X-23. “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Nick shouts (A lot like Obi Wan did when he saw Qui Gon get killed by Darth Maul). Nick in a blinded rage rushes X-23, but she back flips over him and drives her claws right through his neck. Nick drops to the ground and the last thing he hears is Joan Jett’s voice singing “Ah, now I don't hardly know her, But I think I could love her, Crimson and clover.”
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!!
The Tijuana Taco Benderz Vs. George Washington's Slaves
George Washington's Slaves are Doppleganger and Gizmo
The Tijuana Taco Benderz are Mammoth and Jinx
Damn Gizmo is cute. I mean seriously, I know that I am supposed to be totally unbiased as a watcher, but I am not sure if there has ever been a human child as cute as that friggin magwai. I know that fan-boy dorks (like me) like to act like they think that The Gremlins movie is cool because of some retro horror aspect; but lets be honest. That movie is cool because even the most hardened A-Hole on the planet can’t help but have their heart melt when Gizmo says “Bright-light, Bright-light” in that friggin movie... Don’t deny it people, I mean seriously who do you think you’re bulls&*^in? But back to the story. The fact that I am totally obsessed with the cuteness of Gizmo doesn’t change the fact, that this match starts with Mammoth punting the little Magwai right into the AT-ST painting above Josh’s vintage T.V. Which destroys both the painting and the life of Gizmo.
**At this point, we shall forego the week that Josh spends crying over this double loss and just continue with the events of the fight.
Mammoth and Doppleganger become locked in an intense and violent battle. They break everything that they come in to contact with and turn Josh’s apartment into an absolute disaster (Josh is going to come home and think that he is married again). Mammoth may actually have the upper hand in the strength department, but he is definitely lacking in terms of speed and fighting ability when put up against Doppleganger. Jinx is attempting to make a move to help out her teammate but she, in essence does little more than follow the fight into Alex’s room as the 2 brutes turn every room in Josh’s place into a complete disaster. Mammoth gets pushed down, but pops back up as quick as he can. The HIVE Academy Graduate attempts to defend himself, but Doppleganger uses his two top arms to grab the arms of Mammoth and break them in place while he is simultaneously gut-punching the genetically enhanced teenager. With Mammoth’s arms broken and lung’s compressed he makes virtually no effort to stop the evil Spider-Man Clone from using his multi-armed frame to crack his neck. As Jinx’s teammate falls the HIVE FIVE Leader jumps into action. She attempts to attack Doppleganger but the four-armed individual’s spider-sense tingles before she can land her attack. Doppleganger ducks out of the way of his smaller attacker and punches her on to the top of Josh’s dresser. The dazed Jinx shakes off this brutal attack just in time to see that the sword set that Doppleganger had thrown her into had become airborne. Jinx smiles as Doppleganger runs in for the attack and sees the sword set’s Wakisachi fly through the air and land blade first in the back of Doppelganger’s neck. It sure is good to be lucky.
THE TIJUANA TACO BENDERZ ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Tijuana Taco Benderz are Mammoth and Jinx
Damn Gizmo is cute. I mean seriously, I know that I am supposed to be totally unbiased as a watcher, but I am not sure if there has ever been a human child as cute as that friggin magwai. I know that fan-boy dorks (like me) like to act like they think that The Gremlins movie is cool because of some retro horror aspect; but lets be honest. That movie is cool because even the most hardened A-Hole on the planet can’t help but have their heart melt when Gizmo says “Bright-light, Bright-light” in that friggin movie... Don’t deny it people, I mean seriously who do you think you’re bulls&*^in? But back to the story. The fact that I am totally obsessed with the cuteness of Gizmo doesn’t change the fact, that this match starts with Mammoth punting the little Magwai right into the AT-ST painting above Josh’s vintage T.V. Which destroys both the painting and the life of Gizmo.
**At this point, we shall forego the week that Josh spends crying over this double loss and just continue with the events of the fight.
Mammoth and Doppleganger become locked in an intense and violent battle. They break everything that they come in to contact with and turn Josh’s apartment into an absolute disaster (Josh is going to come home and think that he is married again). Mammoth may actually have the upper hand in the strength department, but he is definitely lacking in terms of speed and fighting ability when put up against Doppleganger. Jinx is attempting to make a move to help out her teammate but she, in essence does little more than follow the fight into Alex’s room as the 2 brutes turn every room in Josh’s place into a complete disaster. Mammoth gets pushed down, but pops back up as quick as he can. The HIVE Academy Graduate attempts to defend himself, but Doppleganger uses his two top arms to grab the arms of Mammoth and break them in place while he is simultaneously gut-punching the genetically enhanced teenager. With Mammoth’s arms broken and lung’s compressed he makes virtually no effort to stop the evil Spider-Man Clone from using his multi-armed frame to crack his neck. As Jinx’s teammate falls the HIVE FIVE Leader jumps into action. She attempts to attack Doppleganger but the four-armed individual’s spider-sense tingles before she can land her attack. Doppleganger ducks out of the way of his smaller attacker and punches her on to the top of Josh’s dresser. The dazed Jinx shakes off this brutal attack just in time to see that the sword set that Doppleganger had thrown her into had become airborne. Jinx smiles as Doppleganger runs in for the attack and sees the sword set’s Wakisachi fly through the air and land blade first in the back of Doppelganger’s neck. It sure is good to be lucky.
THE TIJUANA TACO BENDERZ ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches
The Horseman of Apokolips are Josh Houslander: Jedi Knight (w/ a blue lantern ring), Laya Houslander: Jedi Youngling, Alexander Houslander: Jedi Youngling, Chris Artrip (w/ Mandalorian Armor & a green lightsaber), Julie Artrip (w/ a green lightsaber & a Star Wand), Fry Guy #1 & 2, & INTRODUCING Ella Artrip (w/ a blue lightsaber).
Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches are Darth Talon.
Fry Guy #1 & 2 are discussing the surreal aspects of their lives as they find themselves in a situation that they never thought they would be lucky enough to embrace. "Damn Broccoli Face (that's Fry Guy #2) I can't believe that the two of us just got signed to one year contract with The Horsemen of Apokolips, and then immediately got the start against The Backyardigans. They are two of the best teams in the league”. “Recognize Celery mouth (that’s Fry Guy #1 (they sure have ironic names don’t they (Heh))). The 2 McDonalds spokes-things are especially happy, since they had heard all the rumors going around about The Commissioner tightening his grip on the league and doing away with most of the “useless” characters left over on the waiver wires. And after a solid year of twiddling their thumbs on the waiver wires themselves, both Celery Mouth and Broccoli Face are certain that they would have been a part of The Commissioner’s “House Cleaning”. But now instead, only moments before the “mass character vanquishing” took place they find themselves with a spot on The Horsemen of Apokolips themselves, a guaranteed spot within the league, and in the home of the “MIGHTY” Commissioner himself... Like they said, surreal. The 2 Fry Guys are about to nervously introduce themselves to their teammates, the hardened members of the Horsemen Squad that make up the rest of their team when they all of the sudden find it impossible to breath. Darth Talon, force chokes the life out of the two Fry Guys before anyone else even notices that she is present within the small apartment. The Jedi and Myrmidon senses of the rest of The Horsemen Squad are working overtime as the Sith Lord creeps through the darkened apartment. “Be mindful of your surroundings” a nervous Josh says to his family members, as they form a circle with their backs to each other in the center of the living room. “It’s quiet” Julie says. “Yeah, to quiet” Laya quips to her Godmother. Laya speaks softly: “I sense an evil that I have not felt, since“... “Before Darkseid died” Alex says, to finish his sister’s sentence. “I think I see her” Chris says in regards to Vader’s Apprentice. “Your eyes can deceive you father... Don’t trust them”. Ella says to her Dad; but before her Myrmidon father even has the ability to be proud of his daughter’s calm demeanor, Ella gets force pushed into the vintage speakers in the corner of Josh’s apartment. In the vicinity of the front door, a red lightsaber is ignited, which is followed promptly by the ignition of three blue ones and three green ones. Chris jumps into action at the sight of his daughter being attacked and uses both his jetpack and Josh’s loveseat as a springboard to attack Lord Talon. “No Uncle Chris ... WAIT”! Laya screams, knowing that her squad has a much better chance against the powerful Dark Side Combatant, if they work together. Fizz leads with his lightsaber, but Darth Talon quickly uses her own saber to cut it in half. Despite the loss of his Jedi weapon, Chris doesn’t hesitate at all in continuing his attack; he uses his suit’s built in flamethrowers to light up the darkened apartment (I think Josh might have “forgotten” to pay the electric bill again). Lord Talon uses her force powers to protect herself from the fire, but the attack does leave her taken aback. In the meantime, “Z” pulls out Josh’s old Katana and 10mm Glock to continue his attack. Chris attacks fiercely, sending sparks flying throughout the entrance hallway, but Darth Talon is simply to fast for him. She ducks under his “conventional weapon” attacks and then sneaks both her body and her lightsaber behind him to send it straight through both Fizzle’s suit and heart. Artifact’s actions are in no way in vain as the rest of his squad was given plenty of time to both get Ella to safety and to reestablish their position. “Hang back, everyone. We take her together”. Josh says to attempt to inject some Jedi Patience into the situation; but Ella isn’t about to let this Red-skinned tentacle-headed chick get away with killing her dad. Ella begins to grow anxious, but Julie yells to her daughter to stay back. Darth Talon, in a surprising move, runs from The Horsemen Squad, and takes position in Alex’s Room. With her back to Josh’s dresser. The Horsemen slowly move to the back room of the apartment, when it becomes fairly obvious to Josh that Julie has no intention of being patient or of going easy on the dumb alien broad that just took out her husband. “Don’t rush in on your own sister” Josh says to Julie, and finishes with: “remember we have our kids to protect”. Julie looks at her brother and says: “You are acting like we are about to jump into Lake Huron... Now quit being a pussy. If you don’t want me to rush in by myself, then I suggest you come with me”. Josh doesn’t answer. He simply smiles at his little sister, right before they both rush in towards Darth Talon. Ella and Alex begin to follow, but Laya tells them to “hold back until they need us”. Her brother and cousin listen without thinking twice. Josh and Julie clash with a ferocity that would definitely make Julie’s captain (Achilles) proud. Josh, has always used the Form 4 technique of lightsaber fighting; but now that he can fly (do to his blue lantern ring) it makes his Form 4 (aerial jump-fighting) even more effective. Julie fights fiercely, with her Star Wand located in her right hand, and her lightsaber held upside down in her left hand to widen her attack span. Josh and Julie don’t attack as two fighters, but as one fighting unit. Lord Talon delivers a kick to the stomach of Josh that sends him flying onto Alex’s bed. Josh recuperates and begins to head back toward the fight, but in the meantime Julie is warding off Talon’s attacks. Darth Talon speaks to her opponent: “Your anger makes you powerful. Our lightsabers are tied up with each other. Use your Star Wand and strike me down... Only your hatred for me can allow you to win this fight”. Julie, who is not a Jedi, but a Myrmidon freely takes the advice from the Sith Lord and uses her Star Wand to blast Darth Talon back onto the corner wall by Josh’s bed. Darth Talon, does manage to destroy Julie’s lightsaber with a quick flick of her wrist before the star blast sends her airborne. Lord Talon takes less than a second to recuperate from this attack, and then uses the bed as a vantage point to attack the Jedi Knight and his sister. Laya, Alex, and Ella still hold back and wait for the best time to join the fight, without getting in the way of their parents. As the fight begins anew, a blaze of Blue energy, yellow colored star blasts and clashing lightsabers fill the air. Josh and Julie fight well, using all of the talents that they have been taught by some of the best possible teachers; but it doesn’t change the fact, that Darth Talon is the most skilled warrior in the room. Julie takes a step back and starts unloading star blasts at The Sith Lord, but Lord Talon blocks them with her lightsaber ( a skill, that she was never very adept at until a former Jedi took over her training). Julie keeps her busy, but eventually her star wand runs out of power, leaving it as only a melee device. Darth Talon rushes at The Myrmidon, but Julie is unable to defend against her attacks, she catches a red lightsaber blade beneath her ribs. Josh rushes in to attack, but doesn’t get there in time to save his sister. The Jedi and Sith become locked in an intense lightsaber battle. Josh focuses the power of his blue ring into his inner force power; but the blue ring, without the benefit of a green ring in the vicinity, is not a very powerful attack weapon. Josh pushes Lord Talon into the corner by his own dresser, but Darth Talon throws down a spin move that ends with the removal of Josh’s head. Before Josh’s head hits the ground and Darth Talon is able to recuperate, an angered but focused Laya yells “NOW”. Which sends all three of the young warriors into attack mode. Darth Talon underestimates the 3 Younglings, but while Alex is parrying her initial attack, Laya force pushes Ella on to the top of Josh’s old dresser. Ella quickly jumps down and makes an attack toward Darth Talon. The attack against The Sith Lord proves to not be fatal, but it does slice Talon’s red lightsaber in half. Darth Talon, for the first time in the course of this match is scared as she is left weaponless against her attackers; but the powerful Sith Lord throws down a room clearing, Sith Lightning laced force push that sends all three of the young attackers off in different directions. Laya and Ella are both pushed back out into the hallway, but Alex is left alone in the room with Darth Talon. The Sith Lord uses the force to pick up both Josh’s blue lightsaber out of his dead hand and to take the katana off of Josh’s dresser. The Sith Lord, just simply doesn’t look right holding a blue lightsaber, with her crimson red skin and evil eyes as she walks toward the Youngling. Darth Talon is trying her hardest to use intimidation against the young warriors, but Alex looks at her and says: “I shall never fear my father’s swords”. Alex is fully prepared to do his best against Darth Talon all on his own when the his two teammates rush back into the room. It is not certain where Laya disappeared to, but Ella came in with Josh’s old Tanfoglio .25 ACP blazing. She then dropped the small pistol and armed herself with her lightsaber in one hand and Josh’s old Tanto in the other (these are the weapons that were passed to her when Josh died, they are not to be confused with the identical, yet different versions that are sitting on the dresser she is running towards). Alex and Ella parry the lightsaber attacks of Darth Talon as the arrogant Sith Lord says: “What is it that makes you think you can defeat me? I respect your drive and even your abilities, but love for your dead parents isn’t going to win you this fight. I am curious, young warriors what is that you think gives you the upper hand over me”? Alex and Ella don’t say a word as they do their best to defend against her melee attacks. Darth Talon continues with her rigorous questioning: “Do you believe that your lightsaber skills will win you this fight, your anger at the death of your parents and teammates, your barely attained Jedi skills??? Well, answer me children... WHAT?!?” Darth Talon finishes her rant as she is about to bring her 2 weapons down on the heads of both Alex and Ella. At that moment a flinching Ella and Alex see a blue lightsaber tip come through the chest of Darth Talon and they hear Laya look down at the dying Sith Lord and say “How about Home Field Advantage”.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches are Darth Talon.
Fry Guy #1 & 2 are discussing the surreal aspects of their lives as they find themselves in a situation that they never thought they would be lucky enough to embrace. "Damn Broccoli Face (that's Fry Guy #2) I can't believe that the two of us just got signed to one year contract with The Horsemen of Apokolips, and then immediately got the start against The Backyardigans. They are two of the best teams in the league”. “Recognize Celery mouth (that’s Fry Guy #1 (they sure have ironic names don’t they (Heh))). The 2 McDonalds spokes-things are especially happy, since they had heard all the rumors going around about The Commissioner tightening his grip on the league and doing away with most of the “useless” characters left over on the waiver wires. And after a solid year of twiddling their thumbs on the waiver wires themselves, both Celery Mouth and Broccoli Face are certain that they would have been a part of The Commissioner’s “House Cleaning”. But now instead, only moments before the “mass character vanquishing” took place they find themselves with a spot on The Horsemen of Apokolips themselves, a guaranteed spot within the league, and in the home of the “MIGHTY” Commissioner himself... Like they said, surreal. The 2 Fry Guys are about to nervously introduce themselves to their teammates, the hardened members of the Horsemen Squad that make up the rest of their team when they all of the sudden find it impossible to breath. Darth Talon, force chokes the life out of the two Fry Guys before anyone else even notices that she is present within the small apartment. The Jedi and Myrmidon senses of the rest of The Horsemen Squad are working overtime as the Sith Lord creeps through the darkened apartment. “Be mindful of your surroundings” a nervous Josh says to his family members, as they form a circle with their backs to each other in the center of the living room. “It’s quiet” Julie says. “Yeah, to quiet” Laya quips to her Godmother. Laya speaks softly: “I sense an evil that I have not felt, since“... “Before Darkseid died” Alex says, to finish his sister’s sentence. “I think I see her” Chris says in regards to Vader’s Apprentice. “Your eyes can deceive you father... Don’t trust them”. Ella says to her Dad; but before her Myrmidon father even has the ability to be proud of his daughter’s calm demeanor, Ella gets force pushed into the vintage speakers in the corner of Josh’s apartment. In the vicinity of the front door, a red lightsaber is ignited, which is followed promptly by the ignition of three blue ones and three green ones. Chris jumps into action at the sight of his daughter being attacked and uses both his jetpack and Josh’s loveseat as a springboard to attack Lord Talon. “No Uncle Chris ... WAIT”! Laya screams, knowing that her squad has a much better chance against the powerful Dark Side Combatant, if they work together. Fizz leads with his lightsaber, but Darth Talon quickly uses her own saber to cut it in half. Despite the loss of his Jedi weapon, Chris doesn’t hesitate at all in continuing his attack; he uses his suit’s built in flamethrowers to light up the darkened apartment (I think Josh might have “forgotten” to pay the electric bill again). Lord Talon uses her force powers to protect herself from the fire, but the attack does leave her taken aback. In the meantime, “Z” pulls out Josh’s old Katana and 10mm Glock to continue his attack. Chris attacks fiercely, sending sparks flying throughout the entrance hallway, but Darth Talon is simply to fast for him. She ducks under his “conventional weapon” attacks and then sneaks both her body and her lightsaber behind him to send it straight through both Fizzle’s suit and heart. Artifact’s actions are in no way in vain as the rest of his squad was given plenty of time to both get Ella to safety and to reestablish their position. “Hang back, everyone. We take her together”. Josh says to attempt to inject some Jedi Patience into the situation; but Ella isn’t about to let this Red-skinned tentacle-headed chick get away with killing her dad. Ella begins to grow anxious, but Julie yells to her daughter to stay back. Darth Talon, in a surprising move, runs from The Horsemen Squad, and takes position in Alex’s Room. With her back to Josh’s dresser. The Horsemen slowly move to the back room of the apartment, when it becomes fairly obvious to Josh that Julie has no intention of being patient or of going easy on the dumb alien broad that just took out her husband. “Don’t rush in on your own sister” Josh says to Julie, and finishes with: “remember we have our kids to protect”. Julie looks at her brother and says: “You are acting like we are about to jump into Lake Huron... Now quit being a pussy. If you don’t want me to rush in by myself, then I suggest you come with me”. Josh doesn’t answer. He simply smiles at his little sister, right before they both rush in towards Darth Talon. Ella and Alex begin to follow, but Laya tells them to “hold back until they need us”. Her brother and cousin listen without thinking twice. Josh and Julie clash with a ferocity that would definitely make Julie’s captain (Achilles) proud. Josh, has always used the Form 4 technique of lightsaber fighting; but now that he can fly (do to his blue lantern ring) it makes his Form 4 (aerial jump-fighting) even more effective. Julie fights fiercely, with her Star Wand located in her right hand, and her lightsaber held upside down in her left hand to widen her attack span. Josh and Julie don’t attack as two fighters, but as one fighting unit. Lord Talon delivers a kick to the stomach of Josh that sends him flying onto Alex’s bed. Josh recuperates and begins to head back toward the fight, but in the meantime Julie is warding off Talon’s attacks. Darth Talon speaks to her opponent: “Your anger makes you powerful. Our lightsabers are tied up with each other. Use your Star Wand and strike me down... Only your hatred for me can allow you to win this fight”. Julie, who is not a Jedi, but a Myrmidon freely takes the advice from the Sith Lord and uses her Star Wand to blast Darth Talon back onto the corner wall by Josh’s bed. Darth Talon, does manage to destroy Julie’s lightsaber with a quick flick of her wrist before the star blast sends her airborne. Lord Talon takes less than a second to recuperate from this attack, and then uses the bed as a vantage point to attack the Jedi Knight and his sister. Laya, Alex, and Ella still hold back and wait for the best time to join the fight, without getting in the way of their parents. As the fight begins anew, a blaze of Blue energy, yellow colored star blasts and clashing lightsabers fill the air. Josh and Julie fight well, using all of the talents that they have been taught by some of the best possible teachers; but it doesn’t change the fact, that Darth Talon is the most skilled warrior in the room. Julie takes a step back and starts unloading star blasts at The Sith Lord, but Lord Talon blocks them with her lightsaber ( a skill, that she was never very adept at until a former Jedi took over her training). Julie keeps her busy, but eventually her star wand runs out of power, leaving it as only a melee device. Darth Talon rushes at The Myrmidon, but Julie is unable to defend against her attacks, she catches a red lightsaber blade beneath her ribs. Josh rushes in to attack, but doesn’t get there in time to save his sister. The Jedi and Sith become locked in an intense lightsaber battle. Josh focuses the power of his blue ring into his inner force power; but the blue ring, without the benefit of a green ring in the vicinity, is not a very powerful attack weapon. Josh pushes Lord Talon into the corner by his own dresser, but Darth Talon throws down a spin move that ends with the removal of Josh’s head. Before Josh’s head hits the ground and Darth Talon is able to recuperate, an angered but focused Laya yells “NOW”. Which sends all three of the young warriors into attack mode. Darth Talon underestimates the 3 Younglings, but while Alex is parrying her initial attack, Laya force pushes Ella on to the top of Josh’s old dresser. Ella quickly jumps down and makes an attack toward Darth Talon. The attack against The Sith Lord proves to not be fatal, but it does slice Talon’s red lightsaber in half. Darth Talon, for the first time in the course of this match is scared as she is left weaponless against her attackers; but the powerful Sith Lord throws down a room clearing, Sith Lightning laced force push that sends all three of the young attackers off in different directions. Laya and Ella are both pushed back out into the hallway, but Alex is left alone in the room with Darth Talon. The Sith Lord uses the force to pick up both Josh’s blue lightsaber out of his dead hand and to take the katana off of Josh’s dresser. The Sith Lord, just simply doesn’t look right holding a blue lightsaber, with her crimson red skin and evil eyes as she walks toward the Youngling. Darth Talon is trying her hardest to use intimidation against the young warriors, but Alex looks at her and says: “I shall never fear my father’s swords”. Alex is fully prepared to do his best against Darth Talon all on his own when the his two teammates rush back into the room. It is not certain where Laya disappeared to, but Ella came in with Josh’s old Tanfoglio .25 ACP blazing. She then dropped the small pistol and armed herself with her lightsaber in one hand and Josh’s old Tanto in the other (these are the weapons that were passed to her when Josh died, they are not to be confused with the identical, yet different versions that are sitting on the dresser she is running towards). Alex and Ella parry the lightsaber attacks of Darth Talon as the arrogant Sith Lord says: “What is it that makes you think you can defeat me? I respect your drive and even your abilities, but love for your dead parents isn’t going to win you this fight. I am curious, young warriors what is that you think gives you the upper hand over me”? Alex and Ella don’t say a word as they do their best to defend against her melee attacks. Darth Talon continues with her rigorous questioning: “Do you believe that your lightsaber skills will win you this fight, your anger at the death of your parents and teammates, your barely attained Jedi skills??? Well, answer me children... WHAT?!?” Darth Talon finishes her rant as she is about to bring her 2 weapons down on the heads of both Alex and Ella. At that moment a flinching Ella and Alex see a blue lightsaber tip come through the chest of Darth Talon and they hear Laya look down at the dying Sith Lord and say “How about Home Field Advantage”.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
week 1- Built Ford Tough vs Michael Vickz Bad News Kennelz of Lurve
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is: Jade w/ green and blue power rings, and Dexter the dog.
Built Ford Tough is: Jeff Houslander w/ red ring, Despotellis, and Good Luck Bear.
As the match is set to begin, Jade and Dexter enter the home of Josh Houslander through the front door, ready to compete. On the other side, Good Luck Bear charges at Jade through the glass door, running as fast as his chubby little legs will carry him, luckily for him (and establishing a pattern for the rest of the match), Jade creates a giant green hand and swats the Care Bear a little too roughly, sending him careening into Josh's bookcase. Dazing the little fellow.
As Good Luck Bear, or GLB as he will now be referred to, struggles to get to his feet, he pulls himself up by grasping one of Josh's various "Dune" books. Suddenly there's a flash of light from the stomach of the cigarette smoking Teletubby and a portal opens up right in front of GLB. His curiosity piqued, he enters the portal and disappears leaving the elder Houslander seemingly alone in his son's apartment to fend to himself.
"Son of a b%@h" seethes Houslander "I gotta do every f*%@ing thing myself" and vomits his bruning red plasma at Jade and Dexter.
The Kennelz dodge the blast, when suddenly Dexter gets very ills and vomits all over Josh's carpet. The dog isn't looking so great, so I hereby invoke one of my five "Watcher life savers" and transport Dexter back home safe and sound.
"Ok, Mr Houslander. It's one on one. Bring it on, old man." Jade confidently tells the hatred fueled Houser.
"Is it? You sure, you stupid green wh*#e?" Jeff fires back "You better be careful, you might catch what the fleabag mutt got."
"Oh, the Despotellis virus? That sentient flu bug that has a Sinestro Corps ring? Yeah, I knew he was here as soon as Dexter started looking sick so I used my blue ring to drain his ring and then used the Starheart to create the proper antibodies to counteract him. He's gone now, and since your little green friend went who knows where, it's just you and me. It's antibodies are still coursing through my veins, making sure I totally eradicate the infection, so I'll just use my rings to beat you." Jade says expositionally.
"M**%$her. F*#@k!" screams Jeff and launches another plasma burst at the smarty pants.
"Now, now Mr Houslander. A man your age shouldn't get so upset. Here, let me help you get the rage under control." Jade then creates a green force bubble that envelopes Josh's dad and as he prepares to swear and puke more red energy Jade uses her blue ring to heal Jeff's burning hatred and pries the ring off of his finger.
"There now, Mr Houslander." coos Jade. "All better, now run along on your merry way."
"Run? Why the f*%$k would I run?" questions the perplexed Jeff
"Well, it's a retreat week. And since Dexter was spared, I figured I'd return the favor and let you live. Seems kinda classless to kill a guy's father in his apartment while he's not here."
"EXCEPT IT'S NOT A RETREAT WEEK YOU DUMB B!$*H!" says a voice behind Jade.
"Wha?" she claims and turns to see Good Luck Bear standing in front of her, holding the head of a Manhunter robot. "Good Luck Bear? But I thought you died in that flash by the bookcase"
"Ha. No, you stupid slut. Lucky for me, I found the entrance to the FFL armory, where Josh keeps all the prizes and spare parts for the league. Who would have thought that teletubby actually had a use, and isn't just a funny decoration?" GLB cockily replies. "Now, since you took my buddies ring, how about I take one of yours?" and GLB uses the Manhunter robot head to quickly drain Jade's green ring.
"Ha ha ha. You dumb, green furry bastard" Jade replies. "I'll just use my blue ring to recharge the green one."
"Except, without a functioning green ring around the blue one is useless." the bear replies
"You're bluffing" says Jade
"Maybe" GLB relies calmly " "but you might want to turn around and see what Mr Houslander has for you."
"What?" Jade says and the last thing she sees is Josh's dad swinging one of Josh's swords at her head.
"Well Jeff, we make quite a pair" says GLB.
"Whatever you creepy little a$$h*/#" replies Jeff as he grabs picks up his red ring and starts to head home. "Just clean up that f*#king dog puke before Josh gets home. I just stepped in that s#*t. Get going, or I'll put my boot so far up your a$$ that people will think you're one of my slippers."
"Yes sir, you're welcome for winning us the match by the way" GLB responds despondently.
"What the f*$k did you say??!!"
"Nothing, nothing. Cleaning up the puke now, sir"
"Good."
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: All dead/ spared.
Built Ford Tough: Jeff Houslander and Good Luck Bear survive
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!!
Built Ford Tough is: Jeff Houslander w/ red ring, Despotellis, and Good Luck Bear.
As the match is set to begin, Jade and Dexter enter the home of Josh Houslander through the front door, ready to compete. On the other side, Good Luck Bear charges at Jade through the glass door, running as fast as his chubby little legs will carry him, luckily for him (and establishing a pattern for the rest of the match), Jade creates a giant green hand and swats the Care Bear a little too roughly, sending him careening into Josh's bookcase. Dazing the little fellow.
As Good Luck Bear, or GLB as he will now be referred to, struggles to get to his feet, he pulls himself up by grasping one of Josh's various "Dune" books. Suddenly there's a flash of light from the stomach of the cigarette smoking Teletubby and a portal opens up right in front of GLB. His curiosity piqued, he enters the portal and disappears leaving the elder Houslander seemingly alone in his son's apartment to fend to himself.
"Son of a b%@h" seethes Houslander "I gotta do every f*%@ing thing myself" and vomits his bruning red plasma at Jade and Dexter.
The Kennelz dodge the blast, when suddenly Dexter gets very ills and vomits all over Josh's carpet. The dog isn't looking so great, so I hereby invoke one of my five "Watcher life savers" and transport Dexter back home safe and sound.
"Ok, Mr Houslander. It's one on one. Bring it on, old man." Jade confidently tells the hatred fueled Houser.
"Is it? You sure, you stupid green wh*#e?" Jeff fires back "You better be careful, you might catch what the fleabag mutt got."
"Oh, the Despotellis virus? That sentient flu bug that has a Sinestro Corps ring? Yeah, I knew he was here as soon as Dexter started looking sick so I used my blue ring to drain his ring and then used the Starheart to create the proper antibodies to counteract him. He's gone now, and since your little green friend went who knows where, it's just you and me. It's antibodies are still coursing through my veins, making sure I totally eradicate the infection, so I'll just use my rings to beat you." Jade says expositionally.
"M**%$her. F*#@k!" screams Jeff and launches another plasma burst at the smarty pants.
"Now, now Mr Houslander. A man your age shouldn't get so upset. Here, let me help you get the rage under control." Jade then creates a green force bubble that envelopes Josh's dad and as he prepares to swear and puke more red energy Jade uses her blue ring to heal Jeff's burning hatred and pries the ring off of his finger.
"There now, Mr Houslander." coos Jade. "All better, now run along on your merry way."
"Run? Why the f*%$k would I run?" questions the perplexed Jeff
"Well, it's a retreat week. And since Dexter was spared, I figured I'd return the favor and let you live. Seems kinda classless to kill a guy's father in his apartment while he's not here."
"EXCEPT IT'S NOT A RETREAT WEEK YOU DUMB B!$*H!" says a voice behind Jade.
"Wha?" she claims and turns to see Good Luck Bear standing in front of her, holding the head of a Manhunter robot. "Good Luck Bear? But I thought you died in that flash by the bookcase"
"Ha. No, you stupid slut. Lucky for me, I found the entrance to the FFL armory, where Josh keeps all the prizes and spare parts for the league. Who would have thought that teletubby actually had a use, and isn't just a funny decoration?" GLB cockily replies. "Now, since you took my buddies ring, how about I take one of yours?" and GLB uses the Manhunter robot head to quickly drain Jade's green ring.
"Ha ha ha. You dumb, green furry bastard" Jade replies. "I'll just use my blue ring to recharge the green one."
"Except, without a functioning green ring around the blue one is useless." the bear replies
"You're bluffing" says Jade
"Maybe" GLB relies calmly " "but you might want to turn around and see what Mr Houslander has for you."
"What?" Jade says and the last thing she sees is Josh's dad swinging one of Josh's swords at her head.
"Well Jeff, we make quite a pair" says GLB.
"Whatever you creepy little a$$h*/#" replies Jeff as he grabs picks up his red ring and starts to head home. "Just clean up that f*#king dog puke before Josh gets home. I just stepped in that s#*t. Get going, or I'll put my boot so far up your a$$ that people will think you're one of my slippers."
"Yes sir, you're welcome for winning us the match by the way" GLB responds despondently.
"What the f*$k did you say??!!"
"Nothing, nothing. Cleaning up the puke now, sir"
"Good."
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: All dead/ spared.
Built Ford Tough: Jeff Houslander and Good Luck Bear survive
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!!
Season 4, Week 1 Match: TEAM vs. Alice's Wonder Team
“P-p-p-p-please! Me, scared? Don't be ridiculous!”
-Roger Rabbit
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 1 Match located at Josh’s Apartment. They are as follows:
TEAM- Yarael Poof and Black Lantern Pete Sosa
Alice’s Wonder Team- War Machine and Roger Rabbit
Let the battle begin. . .
Black Lantern Pete Sosa stands before Roger Rabbit in Josh’s bedroom. It is the most action the bedroom has seen in ages. Sosa’s dead, but piercing eyes stare with contempt at the leporidae.
BL Sosa: Do you know who I am?
Roger Rabbit: A dead, but strappingly handsome man, if I say so myself.
BL Sosa: Do you know where I’ve been?
Roger Rabbit: Not really; it’s because I would’ve tried your office. Well, you see, I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, the green grocerer, the butcher, the baker, they didn't know! But the liquor store guy... he knew.
BL Sosa ponders the day when he was alive and imbibing the alcoholic beverages of his choice. He quickly shakes his memories away. He is a black lantern. A harbinger of death. He slowly walks toward Roger, but stops when Roger holds up his hand, signaling Sosa to wait. Roger pulls out a cane from his pocket and it transforms into a bouquet of flowers. Before he is able to begin another trick, Sosa is upon him.
Roger Rabbit: P-p-p-p-p-p-please!!!!!
BL Sosa rips through Roger Rabbit’s chest and in his bloodied hand brings forth the bunny’s heart.
BL Sosa: Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids.
In the living room, Yarael Poof ignites his lightsaber. War Machine’s retractable shoulder guns come to life and blaze a death storm across the room. The walls (and more importantly, Josh’s “Dune” novel collection) are shredded apart. The Quermia Jedi Master deflects the projectiles and closes in on Rhodey. As Poof is directly in front of War Machine, Rhodes uses his gauntlet flamethrower. Poof screams as his body burns. Poof’s last act of defiance shows when he grips his lightsaber and forces it through War Machine’s face plate and skull. A singed and mortally wounded Poof lies next to the killed War Machine.
The destruction caused by the armored warrior leaves the entire apartment in disarray. BL Sosa is seen walking from the bathroom, shirt torn and his body glistening due to the water spray from the destroyed shower pipes. His rippling muscles exude wonderment for this Watcher to behold. He kneels down before the Jedi Master.
Poof: You have done well BL Sosa. You have done well. You are the last today.
BL Sosa: It is because although I am a black lantern, I still have tiger blood running through my veins.
Poof: Your strength. . . .
BL Sosa: Comes from no drugs. The only Drugs BL Sosa takes are BL Sosa and no one can take them or it will melt their face and blow their mind!
Poof: Your. . . .
BL Sosa: WINNING!
Poof dies in BL Sosa’s arms.
Alice’s Wonder Team- All dead.
TEAM- Black Lantern Pete Sosa survives.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Roger Rabbit
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 1 Match located at Josh’s Apartment. They are as follows:
TEAM- Yarael Poof and Black Lantern Pete Sosa
Alice’s Wonder Team- War Machine and Roger Rabbit
Let the battle begin. . .
Black Lantern Pete Sosa stands before Roger Rabbit in Josh’s bedroom. It is the most action the bedroom has seen in ages. Sosa’s dead, but piercing eyes stare with contempt at the leporidae.
BL Sosa: Do you know who I am?
Roger Rabbit: A dead, but strappingly handsome man, if I say so myself.
BL Sosa: Do you know where I’ve been?
Roger Rabbit: Not really; it’s because I would’ve tried your office. Well, you see, I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, the green grocerer, the butcher, the baker, they didn't know! But the liquor store guy... he knew.
BL Sosa ponders the day when he was alive and imbibing the alcoholic beverages of his choice. He quickly shakes his memories away. He is a black lantern. A harbinger of death. He slowly walks toward Roger, but stops when Roger holds up his hand, signaling Sosa to wait. Roger pulls out a cane from his pocket and it transforms into a bouquet of flowers. Before he is able to begin another trick, Sosa is upon him.
Roger Rabbit: P-p-p-p-p-p-please!!!!!
BL Sosa rips through Roger Rabbit’s chest and in his bloodied hand brings forth the bunny’s heart.
BL Sosa: Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids.
In the living room, Yarael Poof ignites his lightsaber. War Machine’s retractable shoulder guns come to life and blaze a death storm across the room. The walls (and more importantly, Josh’s “Dune” novel collection) are shredded apart. The Quermia Jedi Master deflects the projectiles and closes in on Rhodey. As Poof is directly in front of War Machine, Rhodes uses his gauntlet flamethrower. Poof screams as his body burns. Poof’s last act of defiance shows when he grips his lightsaber and forces it through War Machine’s face plate and skull. A singed and mortally wounded Poof lies next to the killed War Machine.
The destruction caused by the armored warrior leaves the entire apartment in disarray. BL Sosa is seen walking from the bathroom, shirt torn and his body glistening due to the water spray from the destroyed shower pipes. His rippling muscles exude wonderment for this Watcher to behold. He kneels down before the Jedi Master.
Poof: You have done well BL Sosa. You have done well. You are the last today.
BL Sosa: It is because although I am a black lantern, I still have tiger blood running through my veins.
Poof: Your strength. . . .
BL Sosa: Comes from no drugs. The only Drugs BL Sosa takes are BL Sosa and no one can take them or it will melt their face and blow their mind!
Poof: Your. . . .
BL Sosa: WINNING!
Poof dies in BL Sosa’s arms.
Alice’s Wonder Team- All dead.
TEAM- Black Lantern Pete Sosa survives.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Season 4, Week 1 Match: Team Sleeping Pussy vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends
“The Toecutter - he knows who I am. I am the Nightrider! I am the chosen one. The mighty hand of vengeance, sent down to strike the unroadworthy! I'm hotter than a rollin' dice. Step right up, germ, and watch the kid lay down the rubber road, ride to freedom!”
-Nightrider
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 1 Match located at Josh’s Apartment. They are as follows:
Team Sleeping Pussy- Nightrider, Toecutter, Bubba Zanetti, Johnny the Boy, Mudguts and Cundalini.
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends- Inigo Montoya (w/ a blue lightsaber), Fezzik and Vizzini.
Let the battle begin. . .
The Mad Max gang stands shoulder to shoulder in Josh’s living room. Montoya, followed by Fezzik and Vizzini, emerge from the bedroom. Montoya stands before his brothers-in-arms and ignites his blue lightsaber.
Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. Although you didn’t kill my father, prepare to die!
Montoya rushes at Mudguts and disembowels the man with one quick slash. Mudguts looks down to see his intestines dripping from his stomach to the floor. Mudguts crumples to the ground.
Vizzini and Fezzik confront Zanetti and Johnny the Boy. Zanetti and Johnny run to the kitchen and smash two chairs found standing in the corner. The two slowly move from the kitchen with a chair leg in each hand. Vizzini pulls a knife from his belt. Before he is able to use it, his arm is struck by Zanetti. Vizzini drops the knife. Johnny the Boy barrels into Vizzini. Johnny, in a mad rage, repeatedly pummels Vizinni’s skull with both chair legs. While his friend is being pummeled, Fezzik reaches Zanetti and picks him up by his throat with one hand. A snap is heard and Fezzik throws Zanetti to the floor like a ragdoll. After the death of Zanetti, Johnny the Boy rises and trips over Vizzini’s body, which is lying next to him.
Johnny the Boy: Don't do this to me, please! Aw, Sweet Jesus! I was sick! Don't bring this on me, please!
Fezzik lifts Johnny the Boy and performs a double under-hook suplex. He then takes the four chair legs and smashes them through Johnny the Boy’s head.
Meanwhile across the room, Montoya manages to cut the hand off of Cundalini. Cundalini looks at the cauterized stump and grimaces. Toecutter walks in front of Cundalini and motions to his fallen brethren.
Toecutter: That there is Cundalini... and Cundalini wants his hand back!
Montoya rushes at Toecutter, but before he reaches him, he is jumped by Nightrider. Nightrider is in a piggyback position, clawing at Montoya’s face. Montoya attempts to knock Nightrider off his back by smashing into walls, while also swinging his lightsaber wildly around.
Nightrider: I am the Nightrider! I'm a fuel injected suicide machine! I am the rocker; I am the roller; I am the out-of-controller!
Montoya finally succumbs to exhaustion and crashes to the floor. Nightrider, Cundalini and Toecutter focus on Fezzik since Montoya is currently out of the mix. The three overpower the giant. Toecutter uses the chords from Josh’s Xbox to strangle Fezzik, while Nightrider and Cundalini rush to the kitchen and grab Houslander’s kitchenware for the final kill. The two men hurry back and stab Fezzik with the knives from Josh’s kitchen, while Toecutter holds Fezzik’s neck in place with the wiring. Fezzik is killed. As Cundalini and Nightrider rise, Cundalini looks down and sees a blue blade protruding from his chest. He falls. Nightrider and Toecutter both stand and face Montoya, wielding his blade.
Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed Fezzik and Vizzini. Prepare to die.
Toecutter and Nightrider are slashed in two.
Montoya sits down and looks at Josh’s “dollies,” which remain unharmed on the television set.
Team Sleeping Pussy: All dead.
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends: Inigo Montoya survives.
GRIFFIN’S HIGH MAINTENANCE DOPE FIENDS IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Nightrider
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 1 Match located at Josh’s Apartment. They are as follows:
Team Sleeping Pussy- Nightrider, Toecutter, Bubba Zanetti, Johnny the Boy, Mudguts and Cundalini.
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends- Inigo Montoya (w/ a blue lightsaber), Fezzik and Vizzini.
Let the battle begin. . .
The Mad Max gang stands shoulder to shoulder in Josh’s living room. Montoya, followed by Fezzik and Vizzini, emerge from the bedroom. Montoya stands before his brothers-in-arms and ignites his blue lightsaber.
Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. Although you didn’t kill my father, prepare to die!
Montoya rushes at Mudguts and disembowels the man with one quick slash. Mudguts looks down to see his intestines dripping from his stomach to the floor. Mudguts crumples to the ground.
Vizzini and Fezzik confront Zanetti and Johnny the Boy. Zanetti and Johnny run to the kitchen and smash two chairs found standing in the corner. The two slowly move from the kitchen with a chair leg in each hand. Vizzini pulls a knife from his belt. Before he is able to use it, his arm is struck by Zanetti. Vizzini drops the knife. Johnny the Boy barrels into Vizzini. Johnny, in a mad rage, repeatedly pummels Vizinni’s skull with both chair legs. While his friend is being pummeled, Fezzik reaches Zanetti and picks him up by his throat with one hand. A snap is heard and Fezzik throws Zanetti to the floor like a ragdoll. After the death of Zanetti, Johnny the Boy rises and trips over Vizzini’s body, which is lying next to him.
Johnny the Boy: Don't do this to me, please! Aw, Sweet Jesus! I was sick! Don't bring this on me, please!
Fezzik lifts Johnny the Boy and performs a double under-hook suplex. He then takes the four chair legs and smashes them through Johnny the Boy’s head.
Meanwhile across the room, Montoya manages to cut the hand off of Cundalini. Cundalini looks at the cauterized stump and grimaces. Toecutter walks in front of Cundalini and motions to his fallen brethren.
Toecutter: That there is Cundalini... and Cundalini wants his hand back!
Montoya rushes at Toecutter, but before he reaches him, he is jumped by Nightrider. Nightrider is in a piggyback position, clawing at Montoya’s face. Montoya attempts to knock Nightrider off his back by smashing into walls, while also swinging his lightsaber wildly around.
Nightrider: I am the Nightrider! I'm a fuel injected suicide machine! I am the rocker; I am the roller; I am the out-of-controller!
Montoya finally succumbs to exhaustion and crashes to the floor. Nightrider, Cundalini and Toecutter focus on Fezzik since Montoya is currently out of the mix. The three overpower the giant. Toecutter uses the chords from Josh’s Xbox to strangle Fezzik, while Nightrider and Cundalini rush to the kitchen and grab Houslander’s kitchenware for the final kill. The two men hurry back and stab Fezzik with the knives from Josh’s kitchen, while Toecutter holds Fezzik’s neck in place with the wiring. Fezzik is killed. As Cundalini and Nightrider rise, Cundalini looks down and sees a blue blade protruding from his chest. He falls. Nightrider and Toecutter both stand and face Montoya, wielding his blade.
Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed Fezzik and Vizzini. Prepare to die.
Toecutter and Nightrider are slashed in two.
Montoya sits down and looks at Josh’s “dollies,” which remain unharmed on the television set.
Team Sleeping Pussy: All dead.
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends: Inigo Montoya survives.
GRIFFIN’S HIGH MAINTENANCE DOPE FIENDS IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
week 1- Hannah and the Prez's Touring Battalion vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad
Josh's Apartment:
Pop-Superstar Hannah "TV didn't ruin me dad. You did." Montana and President Barak Obama's "Best of Both World's Touring Battalion of Commandos is: Leon:The Professional, Lady Gaga, Black Lantern Dozer #1, and baby Ewok #5
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is : Jeanie w/ Devil Lance, Major Nelson w/ Demon Rod, and Black Lantern Josh Houslander.
The Touring Commandos huddle out side of Josh's Apartment, discussing strategy.
"Ok, we all know the plan, oui?" says Leon. We get in. Get What we need and get out before anyone knows we were here. I have check with our owner and Josh is out doing a podcast on Groudy.com since it is Thursday around 6:45. That shall give us ample time to achieve our goals."
"Can't read my pokerface" says Lady Gaga.
"I'll tear their hearts out of their chests and build another delicious Doozer tower to lure those fraggles to their deaths" growls BLack Lanterns Doozer #1
"Eeep, eep." say Baby Ewok #5, showing that the Watcher has a very base idea of what all these players are all about.
"Ok, in we go." directs Leon. "Hold on. I see something. It looks like Houslander is home early. Merde. Now we cannot steal the notebooks and write in that we are all unkillable deathmachines when in ze apartment. Merde. Zat was such a good idea. I make ze change in ze book, since if eet is in zee book eet ees true and valid for zee match." I should mention that as Leon gets more upset, his professionalism wavers and his hilarious french accent becomes more pronounced.
"Alejandro!" says Gaga. "Just dance!" she then point to Jeanie and Major Nelson talking to Houslander.
"You need to speak in more zan broken lyrics, cherie." replies Leon "But I see zem. Ewok bebe, geeev me ze speciul lan-cher I make for zis occasion".
"Chub chub." replies the Ewok gleefully, and hands the french assassin a heavy duty slingshot.
Leon picks up the black lanten Dozer and as he loads him, tells the lovable, deadly scamp "Reemebur, missuer Doz-air. Like zee old say-eeng goes. Women and child-ren first." Leon then fires the Dozer at Jeanie, where he lands and promptly breaks her neck before she can do her little head bob, magic action. He then tears her heart out of her chest in front of a screaming Major Nelson.
Nelson shakily aims his Demon Rod at the horrifiying mini Muppet when he hears a voice say "Gaga, ooh lala." and turns to see a horrifying creature running at him telling him she wants his "Love, love, love I want your love."
It is the Gaga.
Nelson seals his fate as he looks upon the alleged hermaphrodite, giving the Dozer time to crawl up his leg and tear his heart out.
"Bein. Bein" says Leon. "Eet looks like we did not need my strategy after all. Ah, 'Ouslander. Sorry for zee deception. All ees fair in ze FFL, no?" laughs Leon, glowing after such an easy slaughter "Cigarette, 'Ouslander?"
"Sure", replies Josh "Have the little Ewok bring it to me, give him something to do"
"Ah, oui oui Ouslander. You know, today ees heez birsday. Well my leetle friend, maybe we go to zee Chuck E Cheese and celebrate your birsday and zee win." Leon hands the birthday boy the cigarettes where he gleefully toddles over to Josh, exicted at the prosper of pizza, games, and a giant rat.
"Ey. Moment 'Ouslander. That reeng on your feen-air. Ees eet not supposed to be blue?"
"Oh yeah, look at that. I put on the wrong ring. That just tears me APART!" screams Josh as he picks up the baby ewok and tears him in half right infront of the stunned Commandos revealing himself to not be the beloved FFL Commish, but instead the Black Lantern version of said person.
"HOLY F%^K!!" screams Gaga "RUN!!" and she spins to run but forgets she's wearing a stupid outfit and falls on top of Leon knocking both of them off their feet.
"I got thi..."the black lantern Dozer started to say, but Josh quickly throws the head of the baby ewok at him, covering him in blood and knocking him down for a bit.
"Old on, old on. Keel ze freak first!!!" Cries Leon, who not very professionally pushes Gaga at the bloodthirsty Houslander.
"I am sick and tired of....HURK." Gaga attempts to speak in the form of her song "Telephone" but her service is disconnected as her heart is torn out of her chest.
"Oh, no. No nonononono." whimpers Leon as a blood spattered, demonic looking Josh sadistically walks toward him smiling.
"Good bye Leon, can't say I'd recommend your services to my friends." and Josh finishes off The Professional.
"Anyone left?" questions the Black Lantern Houslander
"Yeah. Me." says the black lantern Dozer "Lets finish this." and he begins to run at his opponent
"Just a second. Let me mark something down" replies the Commish and pulls out a notebook.
the Dozer is making pretty good time but as he reaches his destination, he falls and his ring flies off his finger. The Dozer gets up, and says "Wwwwait, What the. I...I'm not a black lantern anymore? I'm a regular Dozer?"
"That's right short stuff, says right here in the official FFL rule book. If a black lantern fights infront of the office of the FFL commissioner and gets splashed with the blood of a teammate on said teammates birthday, his life shall be returned to him." sneers the Black Lantern Josh
"This...this is.. I heard you were corrupt but this....you're a MONSTER!!!"
"Yeah. And you're finished." replies the black lantern as he slowly walks up to the newly alive Dozer, his eyes full of unspeakable horror.
What happens next is too vile for words, the night air is shattered by the tiny screams of a Dozer as he gets slaughtered.
The Touring Battalion of Commandos: All dead.
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Black Lantern Josh Houslander survives.
XAVIER'S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTIORIOUS!!
Pop-Superstar Hannah "TV didn't ruin me dad. You did." Montana and President Barak Obama's "Best of Both World's Touring Battalion of Commandos is: Leon:The Professional, Lady Gaga, Black Lantern Dozer #1, and baby Ewok #5
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is : Jeanie w/ Devil Lance, Major Nelson w/ Demon Rod, and Black Lantern Josh Houslander.
The Touring Commandos huddle out side of Josh's Apartment, discussing strategy.
"Ok, we all know the plan, oui?" says Leon. We get in. Get What we need and get out before anyone knows we were here. I have check with our owner and Josh is out doing a podcast on Groudy.com since it is Thursday around 6:45. That shall give us ample time to achieve our goals."
"Can't read my pokerface" says Lady Gaga.
"I'll tear their hearts out of their chests and build another delicious Doozer tower to lure those fraggles to their deaths" growls BLack Lanterns Doozer #1
"Eeep, eep." say Baby Ewok #5, showing that the Watcher has a very base idea of what all these players are all about.
"Ok, in we go." directs Leon. "Hold on. I see something. It looks like Houslander is home early. Merde. Now we cannot steal the notebooks and write in that we are all unkillable deathmachines when in ze apartment. Merde. Zat was such a good idea. I make ze change in ze book, since if eet is in zee book eet ees true and valid for zee match." I should mention that as Leon gets more upset, his professionalism wavers and his hilarious french accent becomes more pronounced.
"Alejandro!" says Gaga. "Just dance!" she then point to Jeanie and Major Nelson talking to Houslander.
"You need to speak in more zan broken lyrics, cherie." replies Leon "But I see zem. Ewok bebe, geeev me ze speciul lan-cher I make for zis occasion".
"Chub chub." replies the Ewok gleefully, and hands the french assassin a heavy duty slingshot.
Leon picks up the black lanten Dozer and as he loads him, tells the lovable, deadly scamp "Reemebur, missuer Doz-air. Like zee old say-eeng goes. Women and child-ren first." Leon then fires the Dozer at Jeanie, where he lands and promptly breaks her neck before she can do her little head bob, magic action. He then tears her heart out of her chest in front of a screaming Major Nelson.
Nelson shakily aims his Demon Rod at the horrifiying mini Muppet when he hears a voice say "Gaga, ooh lala." and turns to see a horrifying creature running at him telling him she wants his "Love, love, love I want your love."
It is the Gaga.
Nelson seals his fate as he looks upon the alleged hermaphrodite, giving the Dozer time to crawl up his leg and tear his heart out.
"Bein. Bein" says Leon. "Eet looks like we did not need my strategy after all. Ah, 'Ouslander. Sorry for zee deception. All ees fair in ze FFL, no?" laughs Leon, glowing after such an easy slaughter "Cigarette, 'Ouslander?"
"Sure", replies Josh "Have the little Ewok bring it to me, give him something to do"
"Ah, oui oui Ouslander. You know, today ees heez birsday. Well my leetle friend, maybe we go to zee Chuck E Cheese and celebrate your birsday and zee win." Leon hands the birthday boy the cigarettes where he gleefully toddles over to Josh, exicted at the prosper of pizza, games, and a giant rat.
"Ey. Moment 'Ouslander. That reeng on your feen-air. Ees eet not supposed to be blue?"
"Oh yeah, look at that. I put on the wrong ring. That just tears me APART!" screams Josh as he picks up the baby ewok and tears him in half right infront of the stunned Commandos revealing himself to not be the beloved FFL Commish, but instead the Black Lantern version of said person.
"HOLY F%^K!!" screams Gaga "RUN!!" and she spins to run but forgets she's wearing a stupid outfit and falls on top of Leon knocking both of them off their feet.
"I got thi..."the black lantern Dozer started to say, but Josh quickly throws the head of the baby ewok at him, covering him in blood and knocking him down for a bit.
"Old on, old on. Keel ze freak first!!!" Cries Leon, who not very professionally pushes Gaga at the bloodthirsty Houslander.
"I am sick and tired of....HURK." Gaga attempts to speak in the form of her song "Telephone" but her service is disconnected as her heart is torn out of her chest.
"Oh, no. No nonononono." whimpers Leon as a blood spattered, demonic looking Josh sadistically walks toward him smiling.
"Good bye Leon, can't say I'd recommend your services to my friends." and Josh finishes off The Professional.
"Anyone left?" questions the Black Lantern Houslander
"Yeah. Me." says the black lantern Dozer "Lets finish this." and he begins to run at his opponent
"Just a second. Let me mark something down" replies the Commish and pulls out a notebook.
the Dozer is making pretty good time but as he reaches his destination, he falls and his ring flies off his finger. The Dozer gets up, and says "Wwwwait, What the. I...I'm not a black lantern anymore? I'm a regular Dozer?"
"That's right short stuff, says right here in the official FFL rule book. If a black lantern fights infront of the office of the FFL commissioner and gets splashed with the blood of a teammate on said teammates birthday, his life shall be returned to him." sneers the Black Lantern Josh
"This...this is.. I heard you were corrupt but this....you're a MONSTER!!!"
"Yeah. And you're finished." replies the black lantern as he slowly walks up to the newly alive Dozer, his eyes full of unspeakable horror.
What happens next is too vile for words, the night air is shattered by the tiny screams of a Dozer as he gets slaughtered.
The Touring Battalion of Commandos: All dead.
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Black Lantern Josh Houslander survives.
XAVIER'S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTIORIOUS!!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Pre-Season Match - Better Than All of You vs Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
Count Dooku, Hammer Bros #11 and Ewok Baby #1 & #2
Better than All of You!
Super Sonic & Zombie Predator #2
Listen to find out who is victorious!
Count Dooku, Hammer Bros #11 and Ewok Baby #1 & #2
Better than All of You!
Super Sonic & Zombie Predator #2
Listen to find out who is victorious!
Pre Season Battle: Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs Logical Genocide
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are Xio Jade, Junkeon #17 and Black Lantern Al Dogg.
Logical Genocide is Predator #48, Mungo w/a Demon Rod and Hector w/ a Devil Lance.
The Danger Room is activated to Training Program #409-SX-02…. The Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, California. “Yo, Mungo, I think weez at da 83rd Acdemys Awardz!” exclaims Hector. “Huh, dat’s werd Hekter,” Mungo responds. The orchestra begins to play as the stage opens up with James Franco and Anne Hathaway walking out. But before they can begin their most likely terribly scripted monologue, the Franco/Hathaway robots are destroyed by Junkeon #17 who squeals onto the stage in his motorcycle form. He quickly transforms and shouts “And the winner is….Cadillac Cats! Yes, act now, destroy the cats, eliminate even the toughest stains!” Junkeon #17 blasts Mungo away before he can even raise his Demon Rod to use it. “Yo bro! Dat ain’t cool!” Hector yells back as he jumps over the front row, behind holograms of Halle Berry and Jeremy Renner. The Junkeon then is blasted in the back by something high above the giant Oscar statue that’s on stage. “Ackk!” yelps the transformer. “Now to present the award for Best Actor in Supporting Role… Xio Jade!”
The evil female Sith leaps out of the Orchestra Pit and ignites her lightsaber. She instantly raises her hand and Force pushes the giant Oscar statue down. This causes their mystery opponent to reveal himself. Predator #48 turns off his cloaking device and engages the Sith in battle. Being the cunning hunter that he is, Predator #48 is well aware that his weapons cannot defend against a lightsaber, so he keeps a fair amount of distance between himself and his opponent. He fires several blasts from his shoulder rocket, but Xio Jade blocks them with her lightsaber. She then uses the Force to crush the shoulder mounted weapon. “Accepting the award on behalf of Heath Ledger is Junkeon #17,” exclaims the transformer as he tries to attack the Predator. But Predator #48 throws one of his glaive and decapitates the Junkeon. The transformer’s headless body crumples to the ground and falls off the stage into the “audience.” “Daaammnn Dogg! Way to go, bro!” exclaims Hector.
Hector then is levitated out from behind the row of seats in a glow of black energy. “Yo, what gives?!” shouts the Jersey born Cadillac Cat. “Back the f#@k up, Black Lantern Al Dogg is in da house!!!” exclaims Black Lantern Al Dogg. “You know after dying sixteen times now, the power that be, FINALLY gave me something that will do me some good.” Hector tries to hit his foe with his Devil Lance, but the cursed weapon has no effect on the zombified super powered being. The man so nice they’ve had to bury him, well you get the point, uses his new found Black Lantern powers to rip the heart right out of Hector and consume its energy. Xio Jade manages to get in close to the Predator and slices his side with her lightsaber. The Predator then retreats back behind the stage where robots of E! News correspondents Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic are currently waiting. They attempt to get a comment from the Predator, but much like I’m sure most of the actual award winners from that night would like to do, he guts both of them with his giant retractable claws. Black Lantern Al Dogg then uses his Black Lantern powers to blast through the stage backdrop and flies ahead of Xio Jade after Predator #48. He finds the Predator bleeding out all over the table of envelopes and Oscars. His gauntlet begins to beep as its self destruct counts down. “Oh no you don’t motherf#*&er! Your heart is mine!” yells Black Lantern Al Dogg as he tears open the chest of Predator #48 and consumes his heart. He then grabs Xio Jade and flies out of the Danger Room before the Predator’s nuclear weapon goes off.
GRIFFIN’S HIGH MAINTENCE DOPE FIENDS AND DESTROYERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Logical Genocide is Predator #48, Mungo w/a Demon Rod and Hector w/ a Devil Lance.
The Danger Room is activated to Training Program #409-SX-02…. The Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, California. “Yo, Mungo, I think weez at da 83rd Acdemys Awardz!” exclaims Hector. “Huh, dat’s werd Hekter,” Mungo responds. The orchestra begins to play as the stage opens up with James Franco and Anne Hathaway walking out. But before they can begin their most likely terribly scripted monologue, the Franco/Hathaway robots are destroyed by Junkeon #17 who squeals onto the stage in his motorcycle form. He quickly transforms and shouts “And the winner is….Cadillac Cats! Yes, act now, destroy the cats, eliminate even the toughest stains!” Junkeon #17 blasts Mungo away before he can even raise his Demon Rod to use it. “Yo bro! Dat ain’t cool!” Hector yells back as he jumps over the front row, behind holograms of Halle Berry and Jeremy Renner. The Junkeon then is blasted in the back by something high above the giant Oscar statue that’s on stage. “Ackk!” yelps the transformer. “Now to present the award for Best Actor in Supporting Role… Xio Jade!”
The evil female Sith leaps out of the Orchestra Pit and ignites her lightsaber. She instantly raises her hand and Force pushes the giant Oscar statue down. This causes their mystery opponent to reveal himself. Predator #48 turns off his cloaking device and engages the Sith in battle. Being the cunning hunter that he is, Predator #48 is well aware that his weapons cannot defend against a lightsaber, so he keeps a fair amount of distance between himself and his opponent. He fires several blasts from his shoulder rocket, but Xio Jade blocks them with her lightsaber. She then uses the Force to crush the shoulder mounted weapon. “Accepting the award on behalf of Heath Ledger is Junkeon #17,” exclaims the transformer as he tries to attack the Predator. But Predator #48 throws one of his glaive and decapitates the Junkeon. The transformer’s headless body crumples to the ground and falls off the stage into the “audience.” “Daaammnn Dogg! Way to go, bro!” exclaims Hector.
Hector then is levitated out from behind the row of seats in a glow of black energy. “Yo, what gives?!” shouts the Jersey born Cadillac Cat. “Back the f#@k up, Black Lantern Al Dogg is in da house!!!” exclaims Black Lantern Al Dogg. “You know after dying sixteen times now, the power that be, FINALLY gave me something that will do me some good.” Hector tries to hit his foe with his Devil Lance, but the cursed weapon has no effect on the zombified super powered being. The man so nice they’ve had to bury him, well you get the point, uses his new found Black Lantern powers to rip the heart right out of Hector and consume its energy. Xio Jade manages to get in close to the Predator and slices his side with her lightsaber. The Predator then retreats back behind the stage where robots of E! News correspondents Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic are currently waiting. They attempt to get a comment from the Predator, but much like I’m sure most of the actual award winners from that night would like to do, he guts both of them with his giant retractable claws. Black Lantern Al Dogg then uses his Black Lantern powers to blast through the stage backdrop and flies ahead of Xio Jade after Predator #48. He finds the Predator bleeding out all over the table of envelopes and Oscars. His gauntlet begins to beep as its self destruct counts down. “Oh no you don’t motherf#*&er! Your heart is mine!” yells Black Lantern Al Dogg as he tears open the chest of Predator #48 and consumes his heart. He then grabs Xio Jade and flies out of the Danger Room before the Predator’s nuclear weapon goes off.
GRIFFIN’S HIGH MAINTENCE DOPE FIENDS AND DESTROYERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
UDATED: Pre Season Battle: The Transfoamers vs Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make A New Family
The Transfoamers are Arthur Bishop, CIA officer Bryan Mills, and John Cena.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family are Monarch, Ramona Flowers (w/Star Sapphire Ring), Nichol Valdez and Smurf #7.
Ramona Flowers lead Nichol Valdez and Smurf #7 into the Danger Room as it morphs and transforms around them. They soon see the glitz and glamour that is the Las Vegas Strip as the Danger Room takes shape. “YES! Vegas!” yells Nichol. “Really? I didn’t know that you wanted to go to Vegas that badly,” asks Ramona. “Hey it’s not Michigan, so I’m happy,” Nichol responds. “But how are we going to ever find our opponents?” And with that statement, The Transfoamers make themselves known. Bryan Mills shoots Smurf #7 dead as John Cena picks up Nichol Valdez and body slams her. He then waves his hand is his own face and yells “You can’t see me!” Ramona flies into the air, courtesy of her Star Sapphire ring, and takes a shot at the pro wrestler. Cena, however, blocks the energy blast with his championship belt (What? It HAS to do more than just spin… right?...RIGHT?). Nichol recovers from the body slam and smacks John Cena over the back of the head with a satchel filled with $80,000 in Bellagio chips that she found lying next to her. This allows Ramona to incinerate “the Champ” with her power ring.
“Wow, well that was interesting,” Nichol says. But before Ramona could respond to her teammate, Bryan Mills begins shooting at the two girls. They duck for cover inside the Planet Hollywood Casino. “Where the hell is Monarch?!?! He’s supposed to be our leader. Ok, whatever, we’ve got to get a game plan together here Nichol,” says Ramona. But when she turns to her teammate, she is no where to be found. “Nichol?? She then looks on the ground to find Nichol with a Ace of Spades sticking out of her throat.
Bryan Mills then leaps off of the Mezzanine and tackles Ramona onto one of the craps tables. Chips go flying everywhere as the two battle it out. Ramona kicks Bryan off of her and takes cover over in a row of slot machines. She sees the CIA agent coming back after her, so she takes aim with her Star Sapphire ring and….nothing. Shocked, Ramona Flowers looks at her hand and sees that she is missing her ring. She then looks up and sees that Mills is holding it. Ramona then hears a creaking and is crushed to death by a Sea Monkeys Slot Machine. Arthur Bishop steps out from behind the row of slot machines and smirks at the defeated Ramona.
“What was that?” asks Mills. “That’s all you do? Just tip over a slot machine?” “It got the job done, didn’t it?” replies Arthur Bishop. There is then a massive energy blast that rips apart the entire poker table area of Planet Hollywood as Monarch appears. In typical Horsemen fashion (he was recently traded to the Super Kitties in the much talked about trade with the Horsemen of Apokolips) Monarch had taken his time in arriving to the battle, due to his absolute arrogance and belief that The Transfoamers were simply weren’t worth his time. Both Mills and Bishop rush towards their foe, but Monach raises a hand in almost utter distaste and vaporizes them in an instant.
LAYANDER’S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW FAMILY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family are Monarch, Ramona Flowers (w/Star Sapphire Ring), Nichol Valdez and Smurf #7.
Ramona Flowers lead Nichol Valdez and Smurf #7 into the Danger Room as it morphs and transforms around them. They soon see the glitz and glamour that is the Las Vegas Strip as the Danger Room takes shape. “YES! Vegas!” yells Nichol. “Really? I didn’t know that you wanted to go to Vegas that badly,” asks Ramona. “Hey it’s not Michigan, so I’m happy,” Nichol responds. “But how are we going to ever find our opponents?” And with that statement, The Transfoamers make themselves known. Bryan Mills shoots Smurf #7 dead as John Cena picks up Nichol Valdez and body slams her. He then waves his hand is his own face and yells “You can’t see me!” Ramona flies into the air, courtesy of her Star Sapphire ring, and takes a shot at the pro wrestler. Cena, however, blocks the energy blast with his championship belt (What? It HAS to do more than just spin… right?...RIGHT?). Nichol recovers from the body slam and smacks John Cena over the back of the head with a satchel filled with $80,000 in Bellagio chips that she found lying next to her. This allows Ramona to incinerate “the Champ” with her power ring.
“Wow, well that was interesting,” Nichol says. But before Ramona could respond to her teammate, Bryan Mills begins shooting at the two girls. They duck for cover inside the Planet Hollywood Casino. “Where the hell is Monarch?!?! He’s supposed to be our leader. Ok, whatever, we’ve got to get a game plan together here Nichol,” says Ramona. But when she turns to her teammate, she is no where to be found. “Nichol?? She then looks on the ground to find Nichol with a Ace of Spades sticking out of her throat.
Bryan Mills then leaps off of the Mezzanine and tackles Ramona onto one of the craps tables. Chips go flying everywhere as the two battle it out. Ramona kicks Bryan off of her and takes cover over in a row of slot machines. She sees the CIA agent coming back after her, so she takes aim with her Star Sapphire ring and….nothing. Shocked, Ramona Flowers looks at her hand and sees that she is missing her ring. She then looks up and sees that Mills is holding it. Ramona then hears a creaking and is crushed to death by a Sea Monkeys Slot Machine. Arthur Bishop steps out from behind the row of slot machines and smirks at the defeated Ramona.
“What was that?” asks Mills. “That’s all you do? Just tip over a slot machine?” “It got the job done, didn’t it?” replies Arthur Bishop. There is then a massive energy blast that rips apart the entire poker table area of Planet Hollywood as Monarch appears. In typical Horsemen fashion (he was recently traded to the Super Kitties in the much talked about trade with the Horsemen of Apokolips) Monarch had taken his time in arriving to the battle, due to his absolute arrogance and belief that The Transfoamers were simply weren’t worth his time. Both Mills and Bishop rush towards their foe, but Monach raises a hand in almost utter distaste and vaporizes them in an instant.
LAYANDER’S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW FAMILY IS VICTORIOUS!!!
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