Slaves Vs. Kennelz

First, an anatomy lesson:

(Ryan isn't the only one who can pimp his art on this site)

Class dismissed. Now, on to some watching:

A buncha dudes such as: Fernus, The-One-Above-All (look at all of those dashes)(9 deaths), The living Tribunal, Black Lantern Superman, Zilius Zox (Red Lantern), B'dg (9 deaths), Tomar Tu, Mr. Miracle, The Hydra, Skaar Son of Hulk (w/ red lanter ring), Suaron (w/ The ONE ring), Sauramon, Defensor (Hot Spot, First Aid, Grooves, Blades, and Streetwise), BL Harry Potter, Taki, Patroclus, Beavis & Butthead (w/ Halbread & Lavarouk), Sandworms #16,#17, & #18, The wicked witch of the west (w/ Devil Lance).

Some other dudes: Phoenix Force (Cyclops. Collosssus, Emma Frost, Magik, Namor), Anti Monitor, BL Galactus, BL Silver Surfer, Super Girl (Ariella Kent), Shazam (Freddie Freeman), BL Bizzaro Superman, Bizzaron Supergirl, Steel Superman (w/ blue lantern ring), Pre-suit Darth Vader (w/ vader's red light saber, as if it makes a difference, when they hit each other they stop, they all seem about the same), Clone Darth Maul & Nightsister Witch #15, Scorponok (9 deaths), Lord Zarak (9 deaths), Kup (with green lantern ring), Brawn (also with green lantern ring), Oa Gurdian #2-5 (#2 has a green lantern ring & 9 deaths), BL Nick Houslander (9 deaths).

The Slaves have a player’s only meeting before the match.

"This is a cut throat league!" one of the Slaves shouts. "If we are going to make the playoffs this year, we need at least one or two more wins. Seriously, we need to clamp down and win a couple. We should do it in style. Every death should be in the neck area."

The universe knows nothing of coincidence, only synchronicity. As such, this is what happened in the Kennelz’ locker room:

"The race for the playoffs is neck and neck. Therefore, we should celebrate by killing only by neck." Says an indescernable voice in the Kennelz Locker room. 

"I concur" says somebody else.

So the battle begins.

While I can sense the usual bloodlust from both teams as they prepare for battle, some very different thoughts are coming from the Slave’s The-One-Above-All:

“The Fantasy Fantasy League is a cold place. Born from the draft list, 10 entire lives spent fighting, killing, and being killed, then spending an eternity in the graveyard. It’s a trap with no way out. This may be a fine life for these grunts, but it is no end for me. I will break the cycle. I will kill everyone and escape.”

The battle starts in a desert part of the playoff planet. The Kennelz know that sandworms can be a hassle to deal with and dispatch Pre-suit Darth Vader to handle them. He pulls out his lightsaber and quickly lops the heads off of the sandworms.

Meanwhile, Black Lantern Galactus is growing stronger by eating the necks of all of the Slaves ring wielders. I see the bodies of Fernus, B’dg, Tomar Tu, Skaar, and Sauron at the feet of Black Lantern Galactus. The-One-Above-All sees this and decides to put an end to it.

“Enough, this will end now.” Says The-One-Above-All. He then suspends all of the Kennelz nearby into the air like puppets, including Shazam, Kup, Brawn, Anti-Monitor, Clone Darth Maul, Nightsister Witch, The Oa Guardians, and the Phoenix Force. “You are all pathetic and deserving of your fate.” He then snaps their necks with a snap of his thumb, their dead bodies falling to the ground.

Black Lantern Galactus sees the power of The-One-Above-All and wants it for himself. The-One-Above-All feels his dream of out living the fantasy fantasy league shatter, as well as his second cervical vertebra, as Black Lantern Galactus sinks his teeth into his neck. The-One-Above-All uses the last of his powers to knock BL Galactus off of him. Shocked and mortally wounded, he crawls behind a bush to die.

While BL Galactus chews the piece of flesh from The-One-Above-All, Zilius Zox Takes the opportunity to come at him from behind. He uses his powerful jaw to bite off the neck of BL Galactus. BL Silver Surfer, shocked that the creature could take down BL Galactus. He pauses momentarily as he realizes Zilius Zox doesn’t have a neck. He uses his powers to make Zilius Zox grow a neck, which he immediately cuts open, causing him to bleed out.

The Living Tribunal and BL Silver Surfer spot each other. Each of them knows that if they eliminate the other they will be the most powerful character left in this match. The charge at each other causing the most deadly double clotheslining ever.

Pre-suit Darth Vader, tasked with eliminating all of the odd terrain characters, moves on to The Hydra next. He pulls out his handy dandy light saber and cuts off all of the heads, very predictably.

BL Harry Potter and The Wicked Witch of the West are on their brooms flying full speed trying to escape Super-Girl and Bizarro Supergirl. They then see Steel Superman and BL Bizarro Superman ahead. They make a full and sudden stop that gives them a killer form of whiplash.

BL Superman sees his opportunity to impress the ladies. He swoops in and simultaneously punches his fists through the necks of BL Bizarro Superman and Steel Superman. The superladies are so impressed with his strength that the three of them go to a nearby house where they start a cook-off to win his affection. BL Superman sits down to a table filled with Filet Mignon, Caviar, Foie Gras, Truffles, an amazing cheese spread, along with a bunch of other stuff. The supergirls eagerly await BL Superman’s approval of their food. He looks down at their smorgasbord, looks up at them and then singes their necks off with his heat vision. “Man, girls sure a dumb.” He says to himself as he gorges on their food. Unfortunately he gets a bone stuck in his throat, and with no one around to help, he starts to turn blue. Pre-suit Darth Vader senses this, and runs to him from half way across the planet. Moments before BL superman suffocates, Vader pulls out his lightsaber and swings it through his neck.

Scorponok and Defensor are lock in battle. Scorponol uppercuts Defensor knocking its head off and killing Hot Spot. While Scorponok celebrates the remaining four protectobots attack. Lord Zarak transforms into robot mode and Scorponok turns into a scorpion. Blades manages to run his Helicopter blades through Lord Zarak cutting his head off. Scorponok then systematically clips the heads off of each of the protectobots. Scorponok transforms back into robot mode with his non Lord Zarak head, just in time for Mr. Miracle to fly through his neck killing him.

Pre-suit Vader, a bit tired from running all over the planet, moves to finish off the rest of the Slaves. He force chokes Taki and Patroclus and while they are grabbing at their throats he beheads them. He then marches towards Sauramon who desperately casts several spells on him to no avail. Mr. Miracle tries to come at him from behind but Vader can sense him and turns around just in time to drive his light saber through Mr. Miracles neck. Vader then trips on Sauramon staff and his light sabers goes flying up in the air. Vader lands flat on his back, and his lightsaber comes down and lands right through his throat.

BL Nick Houslander, Beavis, & Butthead all walk out of a house after having played videogames during the previous portion of this match. They look around to see dead and mostly decapitated bodies everywhere.

“This is getting silly.” Says BL Nick Houslander.

“Yeah, um, like, we should do something else instead.” Says Butthead

“Uh, we could race instead, heh heh.” Says Beavis

The three agree that a race would be the best way to end this match.

“Alright, I have setup a finish line other there between those two trees. Whoever gets there first wins.” Remarks BL Nick Houslander, knowing that even if he somehow loses, he could easily kill Beavis and Butthead.

The three race their little butts off. It is quite close but the three get a surprise at the end. I replaced the finish line with sharp wire causing all three to be decapitated. Who won the race you might ask? I don’t know, it was neck and neck.

……………

I look around the battlefield and see only death. Who won this match? Is this a tie? It is then that I see some rustling behind a bush.

The-One-Above-All crawls out from behind the bush where he lay, and slowly makes his way towards the ocean. There, he finds an abandoned raft, pushes off into the ocean, and trusts his hand to fate. Many days later, dehydrated, starving, and nearly dead, he washes up on the shore of an unknown island, where he is taken in by the locals and nursed back to health. He impresses the locals with his superior knowledge and abilities, and becomes their leader. Over the years, he has many wives and children, and leads his new found nation to many victories. He introduced many technologies he knew of from his days in the FFL, becoming a god amongst men and eventually becoming ruler of the entire planet.

One night, in his later years, The-One-Above-All looked out of the balcony of his palace to admire all that he had accomplished. He had built an empire. Even more impressive than that, he did what so many FFL characters had sought to do, which was to cheat death. Content with his life and accomplishments, he lay down for bed. Shortly after falling asleep, he heard a voice calling to him.

“The-One-Above-All” said the voice.

The-One-Above-All sat up in bed, but could not see anyone. “Are you a ghost?” asked The-One-Above-All

“No, look down here.” said the voice. The-One-Above-All looked down to see a very short (about 2’) and VERY hairy man.

“Cousin It? Is that you? How did you make it past security?” said The-One-Above-All “I am not cousin It, I am Josh Houslander. Not an FFL character Josh Houslander, but the real life commissioner one.”

“What do you want?” asked The-One-Above-All

“I have been tracking your progress. I must say, at first I was maddened that someone in my league had cheated death.  After monitoring you for a while, and deciding how to handle you, I came to admire what you have accomplished. Your empire building is worthy of the FFL Hall of Fame. I no longer wish to end your life, but instead have come here with an offer.”

“What would that be?” The-One-Above-All

“I want to bring you back with me to the real world and make you real. I will make you an FFL team owner and stock your roster with all of your progeny and warriors. I will even rig next year’s lottery so that you will receive the first overall pick. You have mastered this world, The-One-Above-All. Now come with me to the real one!”

Josh Houslander reaches his hand out and nods his head.

The-One-Above-All pauses for a moment to take in what is happening to him. Overjoyed, he hurriedly steps out of bed.  He feels something slippery under foot and loses his balance, crashing down onto his neck. In his last moments, his brain scrambles to make sense of what just happened. As he lies on his floor approaching death, he sees Josh Houslander bend over to pick up a banana peel. “No one can escape the FFL Graveyard!” Josh Houslander maniacally exclaims as The-One-Above-All fades to his death.

Real Man's Rabblerousers Logo

s6w6: The Shebamala Shit-Kickers vs The Royal Highness pt 1

The Shebamala Shit-Kickers are: Real Man,  Zombie Galactus,  Red Lantern Hal Jordan, Vampire Kilowog, Razor, Aya,  Nightwing (Lor Zod),  Flamebird (Thara Ak Var),  Superior Spider-Man, Blackfire, Father of Mortis, Son of Mortis, Daughter of Mortis, Zombie Parasite, Flash (Wally West), Predi-Alien with red lantern ring, Firestorm, Metallo, Female Furies: Granny Goodness; Gilotina; Lashina (with Atlas axe); Stompa (with heat axe); Bernadeth (with Halbeard) and Mad Harriett, Predator #13 with yellow lantern ring,

Predator #14 with green lightsaber, Wizard #3, Ric Flair with blue lightsaber, Tully Blanchard with Sith lavarouk, Bret "the Hitman" Hart with Mithril vest, Jim "the Anvil" Niedhart, Davey Boy Smith, Dynamite Kid with Tron suit and light disc, Triple H with red lightsaber, The Rock with blue lightsaber, Terry Funk and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin with a blue lightsaber and jetpack.

The Royal Highness are: Yoda, Phantom Stranger, Doomslayer, Cyborg Doomsday, Steel Doomsday, Superboy Doomsday, Metron, Professor X, The Authority (Jenny Sparks, Jack Hawksmoor, The Engineer, Apollo, Midnighter, The Doctor, Swift), Invincible, Punisher with jetpack, The Kraken, Sandworm, Nova(Richard Rider) w/Worldmind, Vampire Kang the Conqueror, Col. Sanders, NFG Mike w/green lightsaber, and the U.S.S. Enterprise.

 "Quickly now, quickly." says Kang as he's seated in the captain's chair of the U.S.S. Enterprise, his loyal gaurd Cyborg Doomsday stands motionless by his side. "Things should be falling into place. Status report, Mr Midnighter."

"Our battles progress rather well, Kang. Apollo, Nova and Invincible have felled zombie Galactus, but not without cost. It seems...no..."

Kang smiles beneath his mask, already well aware of what transpired "Go on, Midnighter. What happened?" 

"A-" Midnighter regains his composure "Apollo has perished. The first took too much out of him and his was killed when he offered up his powers to help Nova supercharge the blast that finally killed the monster."

"Good. A pity your husband fell, but the information Ryder has gained shall be invaluable to him in the coming moments."

"YOUR MOMENTS ARE FEW NOW, HIGHNESS. SO SAYS REAL MAN!"  a voice suddenly booms across the deck of the Enterprise. 

"A bit earlier than I originally thought, but no matter." Kang gets up "Seal the transport room and prepare for detonation. We'll kill them as they arrive." The Enterprise transports shimmers as Bret Hart, Terry Funk, Davey Boy and Dynamite beam aboard, led by Metallo. 

"Let's go Funk them-" begins Terry as an explosion rips through the transport room, killing all of the shit-kickers as they arrive. The doors then explode open as the Punisher rushes in, pries open Metallos chest, and removes the kryptonite and starts chiseling away at in, mixing it with gunpowder. 

"Hurry, Frank. They'll be here soon. Midnighter, report." says Kang.

"That explosion crippled the ship, Kang. We're basically trapped up here. We're sitting ducks"

"Are we?" asks Kang "I've seen how things go and made any possible precautions. The Kryptonians shall be here sortly" 

As Kang finishes his sentance, there's the sound of metal tearing and gunfire. "And The Punisher shall dispose of them, though tragically the hull breach shall cost him his life as well" And just as Kang predicted, the headless corpse of Nightwing floats by along with Flamebird who has been sort in the heart and the Punisher's dead body. His face a bright red and his eyes bulging from  suffocating in the vastness of space.

"Now, we just wait." smiles Kang. "The big guns have for the most part been disabled. We may be stuck up here, but I've accounted for that. As we speak, Ryder is draining the remnant solar power from the Kryptonians and shall use it to overcome zombie Kilowog." 

A bright flash occurs outside, and we see a bunch of ash and a green ring zoom by. 

"Ryder now shall fall as Jordan's rage comes into play" 

An explosion of red  erupts outside the ship.

"But he shall be no match for..."

"Hal Jordan shall not be felled by the like of you" says the voice of Aya over the speakers of the enterprise

"Ah. The robot." smirks Kang as he flicks a small switch on his gauntlet. His emits a tiny shudder, then looks to the main screen of bridge "What....what's happening?" 

"I've uploaded my consciousness into your ship, Conqueror. We may not be able to get in physically to battle you, so we'll just change the battlefield. You're new coordinates are the center of the sun, sunlight being the greatest weakness to your current state. And to ensure we reach our final coordinates, we put into place our final gambit."

"N-no. This isn't. This isn's where I'm supposed to.." stammers Kang as he stumbles for the navigation controls. He falls to the ground and looks in shock at his legs. Suddenly, the cyborg eye of Doomsday flickers out, it reactivates but in a  green hue instead. 

"STRUGGLE..BUT AYADOOM SHALL DESTROY ALL!!!!!" screams the monster as it erupts to life and begins destroying everyone in sight. The Stormwatch crew is easily slaughtered by the monster, as he takes them by surprise. Invincible hails down punches on his possessed teammate, but they do little good. The beast grabs him by the throat and smashes him into the ground. The bone and metal fists of the beast pulp the teenagers face.  It turns it's attention to the quivering Kang, when suddenly, Metron appears. 

"I believe these belong to you." he says as he tosses a red ring at Aya, along with her robotic body.  "Now, it appears you have nowhere else to go, robot. But just to be sure" Metron snaps his fingers as a loud BOOM erupts and Steel Doomsday appears.

"IT NO MATTER!" shrieks the beast "AYA DIE BUT TAKE YOU WITH!!!" the beast rushes it's brother as Metron blinks out of the way.

"Puh-puh- please. Don't let me die here" snivels Kang, as his skin begins to smoke. "I...I... AAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH" he screams as his body bursts into flames and dissolves to ashes.

"Just as expected" notes Metron. "Now to see how things fare on the playoff planet." He disappears as the Enterprise begins it's entry to the sun. As the mighty ship burns CyberAyaDoomsday and Steel Doomsday battle fiercely, oblivious to as their bodies begins to burn. They fight to their last breath as the sun melts the metal comprising their bodies.

Real Man's Rabblerousers

I have been retained to formally announce that the Transfoamers have been assigned to new ownership.  A day that will live in infamy... Real Man's entry into the FFL.  Real Man will take ownership over the Transfoamers' characters as of Week 6 in this Year 6.  He anticipates a friendly welcome by all whom he has wronged.  In the immortal words of the Marvel Universe: "Welcome to the FFL Real Man. . . Hope you survive the experience!"  So says Becks!

Shit Eaters vs Smoked out Princesses

I was going to write the Shit Kickers vs Royal Highness, but since I already took the time call this Watcher out on the site… I’m going to allow this one to play out.

You better not suck.

 

Horsehumpers vs Crack Heads

Now on to the Horsemen vs the Dope Fiends.

LOL…. The State Farm Agent? Really? I’m giving the Dope Fiends the win just for that.

Superman died.

Team vs Disney Fags

Looks like Team finally decided to start actual teams this season. Off to their normal good start. Too bad they went up against the Grindhouse. Sif and the Warrior’s Three are able to cut the heads off of all of the Lanterns on the Grindhouse. But Nekron comes in and raises them right back up. This goes on and on for quite some time. Mogo now has appeared in the planet’s atmosphere. This causes a violent gravitational issue, which rips the entire planet apart.

Mogo wins. But the 62 different Supermen on TEAM first are able to break the neck of Ranx.

The Red Army vs That Asshole who stole MY team

Look at this. It’s the battle of the 0-4 teams. Embarrassing. This is supposed to be a rematch of last year’s Universe Bowl. Instead it looks more like a group of homeless men trying to have an orgy inside a Prius. But there is no way I am letting this abomination that took over the team that I was promised to get a win on my watch.

So let’s get this “soup kitchen” over with. The Old Man Superman duo stagger in with their walkers and smash the necks of pretty much everyone on the Nut Busters. Heimdall’s hold down Slym Dayspring and forces him to watch as the Twilight men violently have their way with his wife, Red, before the Twilight women come in and snap both of the mutant’s necks.

Red Army busts the Nut Busters.

Kennelz vs Slaves

Ha. This is fun. Too bad those other babies “retired” it would have been super easy to write something incredibly long and drawn out, yet not making any sense at all like that Nickatu queer. Or just writing nonsensical jibberish with advertising slogans like that homo Beckerman. And don’t even get me started on that self-absorbed ass, Ryatu, who dared to argue with me, REAL MAN. His stuff took forever just to be posted, and it was never once worth the wait.

I don’t understand why Beckerman always complained that these matches would take him so long to write. This is easy. Watch.

Black Lantern Galactus and Anti-Montior eat the Slaves.

Done.

Empire vs Murderflies

I see that the glorious…..ly dumb commissioner is scheduled to write the battle between the Empire and the Fighting Murderflies. Let’s see if I can channel his writing prowess…..

TheEmpireshowsuptogeathertobatleBrockSampson’sFightingMurderflies.TheWalkingDeadcrewattempttoengageHawkmanandHawkwomanbuttheyareabletoflyabovethemandbreakeverysingleoneoftherenecks.SandwormsproceedtoeathalfoftheEmpire’sroster,butasusualsomethinghappensandtheFightingMurderflieslose.

Throghopstosafetyandwins.

Foam Robots vs Sleeping Pussies

Oh boy. Now I have to watch Foam Robots fight the Sleeping Pussy. This should prove interesting.

Namor is too busy having some really great sex with Aspen to even bother with this battle. Dr. Manhattan then leads the Crimebusters and the Minutemen against a bunch of robots that really won’t do anything to the blue donged god. And as usual… I’m right. Dr. Manhattan uses his powers to unassemble each and every single robot down to their bare nuts and bolts. He turns and looks at the rest of his opponents and breaks all of their necks simultaneously.

Namor finishes inside of Aspen just as his team is victorious. He turns to Both Silk Spectres and motions them to come over and clean Apsen up.

Team Sleeping Pussy wins.

Midgets vs Road Kill

Ok these pieces of s#&@ have taken long enough to post the matches for this week. So I, Real Man, am taking over! You will now all get to see what REAL watching is all about.

First up…. Let’s get to the Commish’s pathetic team taking on something resembling a pile of road kill.

Wolverine leads the charge out for the team that stole him from me and what should have been my championship run this Season. Then a group of Kryptonians have converged on the mutant, completely destroying him.

Way to go Commissioner, good job wasting MY character.

The Super Orange Road Kill then continues their slaughter, until Emperor Joker arrives. But I don’t like Emperor Joker, so I kill him myself. The Phoenix Force then arrives and proceeds ignite the battlefield with… f$@% it. This is taking too long and I don’t like these teams.

Juggernaut survives after breaking the neck of Magneto.

Super Orange Road Kill wins.

Prologue: A Royal Shit-Kicking

"There ya are, Niatch. What're you doing out here?" asks Tully Blanchard. He approaches an unusually somber "Nature Boy" Ric Flair as the rain pours down on them in the FFL Graveyard.

"I buried a kid today, Tully. My little boy Reid. 25. It's...it's just such...." Flair begins to sob.

"I know, Ric. I know. It's ok, though. He's in a better place now. And.."

"SHUT UP! DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME IT'S GONNA BE OK!" screams the 16 time former champion. "Look at the place! Look at all the death that comes with what we do! It's ridiculous! It's disgusting... I. I don't want to do it anymore." he sobs

Tully Blanchard looks at his friend is shock. Lightning crashes, and illuminates the tombstone Flair has chosen for the spot of his psychological breakdown. Arn Anderson. Tully is taken aback, as it's been too long since he's been to the resting spot of his fellow Horseman.

"Ric. I know there's nothing I can say to you to fill the hole that's been torn in you. Reid was a damn good kid, and what happened to him is a shame. And we've both lost Arn and Ole. There's only one thing I can say that might help."

"What's that?" whimpers Flair.

"Naitch. We're at nine, brother. This could be our last go round. Soon enough we'll be able to meet up with Arn and Ole and then the afterlife are gonna see what it's like when the four horsemen roll into town!"

"*sniff* That's true." says Flair, as he brightens up a little. "Well, Tull. IF it's gonna be the last call for the Horsemen. Let's do it up right! We'll give up something to talk about and never let them forget the name Flair!"

"That's great,Ric. But there's one more thing you gotta do to make it official. Let's hear it. Let's let these bastards know we mean business."

"WHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO " screams Ric Flair as another crash of lightning roars against the sky, barely able to match the intensity and rage that is pouring out of Flair as he rages against the sky screaming till his throat is sore.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. ROYAL HIGHNESS!!WE'RE COMING FOR YA! THE HORSEMEN ARE IN TOWN BABAY! AND WE'RE OUT FOR YOU! WHOOOOOOOOO"

Meanwhile, as these events unfold a drama of it's own is brewing deep in the bunker of The Royal Highness.

"Over one hundred trials. One hundreds failures but I feel we're getting closer. Subject Centra Yellow was close, but still not what I needed." says Vampire Kang the Conqueror "My vampire...affliction has helped me perfect the proper levels of radiation needed, but that's only half the equation. We need to..."

'YYYYEEEEAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!" A scream echoes through the corridors. Kang hurries to the cries. He looks into the tube.

"Yes. YES!" he exclaims as he witnesses the transformation taking place in-front of his eyes. "This is the most progress I've seen. Vocalization. Rapid growth, I see the formation of appendages, yes. It's progressing nicely." Kang smiles beneath his mask, pleased.

"Let the Shit-Kickers bring their "Superior" Spider-Man. Let them bring all they can. For we shall bring Doomsday unto them, and our very own "Superior" being."

Kang lets out his best villianous laugh, as the screams of further transformation fill the bunker. Lights flicker and machines buzz. Kang makes further notes and clips them to the tank, and hurries to further prepare for the upcoming battle and his return to the Play-Off Planet. His notes read:

Subject: Deltra Central- arachnid. Codename: DC SPIDERMAN!



TO BE CONTINUED:

A Very Special Announcement!

Greetings friends! It's your old buddy, Emperor Joker! Well, another week of FFL has come and gone, and I still haven't found any good playmates! Sure, I've had a laugh here and there, made a few new pals, but nothing that really makes the heart go all a'flutter! Hell, I can't even count on stuffy ol Josh the Commish to help me out! Look at some of these teammates: Adam Warlock, Arsenal, Age of Apocalypse Cyclops? Sheesh! I'd find fewer stiffs at the morgue! But don't you worry FFL faithful! Uncle Joker's got an early present for everyone! First of all... Do you hear that? No? Good. That's the sound of NuFaGtu shutting his mouth for once and actually watching a match. Well, he'd try to move his mouth if he still had one! Hahaha! Oh, he will chime in when I let him (flow and whatnot) but if he gets out of line again... HAHAHA! Second, I've made it my personal duty to make the Midgets a more likeable team. Josh is always "win" this and "beat them" that. Snore. Where's the fun? Where's the love? But I got your back Joshy-poo! After this, everybody will LOVE the "new" Midgets... Or else. And finally, heh, this one's really a present for me. I must sincerely thank the Kitties for this. She really is a dear. My kinda girl. Got some real moxy. Say hi to everyone, Dark SuperGirl! "Okay Mr J... heh... Hi Everyone." That's my girl. In the meantime, I still have a ton of work to do. Sure, I could snap my fingers and we'd be done, but me? I'm a salt of the earth kinda guy. I don't mind getting my hands dirty... Or bloody... Heh... heh... HAHAHAHA!!!

Spoiler Sport- Week Four Wrap-Up

Hello everyone, Cotton McKnight here. Welcome back to Spoiler Sport. Here on ESPN 8. The Ocho!

Well, the only thing  cold last week was the terrain. We had alot of blazing hot action out there on the icecaps, so let's get right to the recap!

Let's start in the Stan Lee Conference for a change.  TEAM once more continued to be the most dominatant team in the Tolkien division, as they were the only ones able to garner a victory over their opponents in the Herbert division. It was quite the task, as they narrowly defeated a very game Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve. This was the first loss that the Kennelz have suffered this season, leaving only Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make A New Family with a perfect record in the Lee Conference. It was a valiant Seaworm who made the difference between victory and defeat for the Kitties, as Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers put forth a valiant effort and just barely fell in defeat. Team SP made quick work of the Murderflies,  and it turned out that The Nut-Bisters just couldn't find a way to make a victory compute as the lost to The Royal Highness.

Over in the Lucas Conference, the Spielberg division once again showed their dominance as every team there was able to defeat their Clarke division opponent. The Horsemen of Apokolips and Shemalabama Shit-Kickers are still sporting a perfect record as the Horsemen freed the Slaves of life pit on the ice, and the Shit-Kickers kicked the shit out of The Transformers. Beckerman Presents:The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse avenged their play-off loss last year as they painted the icecaps red with the blood of most of President Barack Obama and Taylor Swift's Red Army, and the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets were able to overthrow the Empire, due once again to the meddling of Emperor Joker.

Let's take a look at what's stirring with the resurrection points, with our graveyard correspondent, Pepper Brooks. Pepper!

"muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh,

Muh muh muhmuh muh. muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh. Muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh

 Muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muhhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muh

Muh muh muhmuhmuh. Muhmuh."

O-kay. Thanks, Pep. We still haven't been able to get you all fixed up so you can be understood, huh?

"Muh muh. Muhmuh muhmuhmuh. Muhmuh. Muhmuhmuhmuh."

I can't understand a word you say, Pepper.   That was all gibberish.

What won't be gibberish is all the intense action we'll be bringing to you from the Play-Off Planet this week! It's our biggest week of the year, and we're bound to see some gigantic, earth shattering moments. Make sure you don't miss a minute!

For the Ocho- I'm Cotton McKnight. Thank you, and good night.

Season Six Week Four Standings

Murderflies vs pussies

The Murderflies are Scorpion, Aang ,Katara, Appa, Toph Beifong, Zuko, Alf with heat axe, Robotic three Stooges.

The pussies are Aspen, The Ship Nautilus, Dolphin, Black Manta, Aquagirl, Namor w/ Trident, Savage Dragon, WildCat, Riddler, Shi’ar warriors 1-2, and Sharkticons 41-46.

The teams are air dropped into the series of large arctic iceberg’s. All of the combatants miss the ice and end up in the water. Despite having a heat axe Alf freezes to death in seconds. The Robot stooges also never get a chance to fight as they instantly sink to the bottom of the ocean. The Sharkticon’s swarm the avatar and his friends tearing them all apart. Black Manta drowns Scorpion. They end.

Season 6. Week 4: TEAM vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

TEAM is: Red Son Superman, Manwe, Ulmo, Orome, Mandros, Gladiator Voltron, Sif, Fandral, Hogun, Volstaag, and Cock Sneak Goomba #5.
The Kennelz are: Phoenix 5(Cyclops, Emma Frost, Colossus, Magik, Namor), Black Lantern Galactus, Black Lantern Silver Surfer, Black Bolt w/Green Lantern ring and Mace Windu's lightsaber, Crystal, Gorgon, Maximus the Mad w/red lightsaber, Steel w/Blue Lantern ring, and Red Star.

I have been walking for what feels like hours because the FFL plane dropped me off in the middle of nowhere. I didn't even get a parka or anything. Haze the new guy. Very funny. But I have a few tricks of my own. I raise my hand to the heavens. Shazam! I awake hours later after being hit by a lightning bolt. I am somewhat warmer, but this burned toga smells awful. Geez. Did you guys even wash this thing before you gave it to me? After walking for another eternity, I happened upon the FFL watcher trailer that Neon Master Pogo ordered. I knock on the door. "What's the password?" asks Pogo. "Um, password? I thought that we Watchers help each other out. Let me in, I'm freezing." The door opens. "Thanks man, you're a life..." I am cut off by a kick to the balls. Pogo answers "Wrong password." and slams the door. I pass out from the intense pain.I have no idea how much more time has passed. I peek through a window in the trailer to find a clock, but all I see is that a****** Pogo asleep with his cigar still lit. I entertain the idea of waking him up, but the echoes of testicular trauma change my mind. Miles of ice come and go before I stumble upon Robimus Prime. His match is long over, but he remains standing in the Arctic, staring into the distance. "Robimus?! Hello? Little help? I'm having a little trouble finding my assignment. Could you point me in the right direction?" In the best robot voice I can imagine, it says "Awaiting orders. Standby." "Yeah, thanks Robimus. See you around." I reply, dismayed. I continue my trek and still hear Robimus repeating itself over and over. The endless ice is broken up by the sight of a raging battle. Unfortunately, I found myself in the middle of the Slaves verses The Horsemen war. If Joshatu finds me here, I'm fired for sure. I decided to follow Chuck Norris, as he is doing an awesome job remaining undetected. I stay close, until we both hear a snowspeeder racing behind us. Norris definitely avoids being hit. Me? Not so much. I mistime the jump and get creamed by the ass end of the snowspeeder. I hear John McClane chiding Anakin's piloting abilities. I am relieved that the strike propels me away from the match and the wrathful vengeance of Joshtu, but I'm also a little worried because I am now sailing through the air with no measure of control. Now that I think about it, this is the most comfortable I've been all day. I decide to enjoy the ride, until the side of an iceberg says otherwise. My frustration, along with my agony, convince me that this is a perfect time to pass out again. As I wake, my realistic dream of flying with eagles fades. I quickly notice that I am no longer in the Arctic. "I am Manwe. Welcome to the Halls of Mount Taniquetil." says a blue robed man, his staff adored in sapphires. "I have watched your tumultuous journey with interest and a small measure of joy." "Good to know that old gods enjoy physical comedy as much as anybody else, but I have to get to my match." I answer. Manwe replies "What will happen has happened, as it happens now. Rest." "Yeah. Great... Josh is going to be pissed." I mumble to myself. Manwe laughs. "You're odd, stranger. I have explained how you may execute your duties, yet you hesitate." "Good one, Manwe." I say. "Next time, try it in English." Again, Manwe grins. "All will be revealed to you, as long as you are willing to see. I have business with Iluvatar concerning creating the next world. Good luck Watcher." "Thanks, I think." I say, and begin to look through the endless library of tomes in the great hall. How about we fast forward to when I find what I'm looking for.
AHA! It's taken me decades, but I found it! This book has the tale of TEAM verses the Kennelz from season 6, week 4. I can still salvage this thing! Okay... Does anybody read Elven?
...

Finally, I have translated the story, although it has taken me decades more. They called me mad. MAD! I assure you, am NOT mad. Just pissed off beyond belief. Okay. No more waiting. I present to you... TEAM verses Michael Vickz Kennelz of Lurve!

TEAM is gathered on an iceberg, and they are waiting for a late quartet of Lord of the Rings first age gods, also known as Manwe, Ulmo, Orome, and Mandros, "I will wait no longer for these gods. They're very idea weakens the will of the people, and the collective itself!" explains Red Son Superman. "Do you know what we're up against?" asks Sif. "Tis the end of Earth itself." "Verily" adds Fandral. "The Flamebird is known even to the Asgardians." Hogun and Volstaag nod in agreement. "If it makes you feel better, I will look ahead. I don't see how it will change anything though. We will fight them and win. I will destroy any of these dogs myself". Red Son Superman boasts confidently. He uses his telescopic vision and super hearing to spy on the Kennelz. "Bozhe Moi..." he gasps.
The Kennelz have been hard at work. When you put this much god-like power in one room, things are bound to get a little loose. Phoenix 5 are repairing the damage done to the Arctic ice from previous previous battles. Black Lantern Galactus is constructing his planet eating machine as Black Lantern Silver Surfer stands guard. Black Lantern Galactus reasons that the sheer terror caused by planetary destruction would feed his Black Lantern ring, for now. The Phoenix 5 are not exactly happy about this, but decide to burn that bridge when they come to it. The Inhumans, along with Blue Lantern Steel and Red Star are arguing with one another. As usual, Maximus the Mad is stirring the pot. "This is our King? Our Liege stands impotent as our enemy lies short handed! Crystal, Gorgon, we have witnessed this many times in our long history together. I suppose it is a chance for our new friends to see it as well!" orates Maximus, pointing at Steel and Red Star. Maximus continues. "And all because Black Bolt bows to others. Can you imagine? Royalty kneeling to anyone? I would laugh if I wasn't so disgusted. Follow me to glory, while we still have a chance!" "Man has a point..." admits Steel. Black Bolt gives a stern gaze to Maximus, then wags his finger to the rest. He points in the direction of TEAM, which is currently bathed in a bright light. "So they are no longer short handed. Thank you for pointing out your inadequacy, my King." snaps Maximus.

Manwe, Ulmo, Orome, and Mandros arrive in a fashion suitable for old school gods, white lights and everything. They look upon their TEAMmates, studying them intently. They look upon Gladiator Voltron quizzicaly. "You're quite the contraption!" says Manwe, moving on to the Asgardians. "You are noble, but that may be your downfall on this day." continues Manwe, as the first age deities arrive before Red Son Superman. With a smirk, Superman dismisses Manwe. "Ha! "gods"." Manwe smiles back. "Ha! "Superman"." He studies the group further. "I believe this is the One! What say you, Mandros?" "He is indeed the One!" Mandros answers. "Very well, he shall go with you. I wish you luck." says Manwe.
Back at the Kennelz camp, Maximus' hold has swayed all of his group, except for Black Bolt and the cosmic beings. They approach the Phoenix 5, Black Lantern Galactus, and Black Lantern Silver Surfer. Maximus speaks for his group. "Enough of this! We must end this match now!" "Agreed!" shouts Ulmo as 3 of the LOTR deities appear suddenly. He crushes Magik with the ice around her. Orome also strikes with arrows straight through Emma Frost and Colossus' brains. Mandros is having trouble with Namor, but Orome shoots another holy arrow and Namor falls. Scott Summers absorbs the entire Phoenix Force from his downed teammates. "You are very foolish for so called gods." says Cyclops. "We were saving this world. Now you have doomed it." He lashes out with but a fraction of his power, destroying Ulmo and Orome with a blast of cosmic energy. Cyclops grabs Mandros by the neck. "Now you die, old god." Mandros responds "We all die, new god." Cyclops reduces reduces him to ashes. "Now to destroy this world. My allies will die, but we will win, and the cosmic balance will be restored." As Cyclops begins to envelop Earth with cosmic fire, the chosen One enters the battlefield. Cock Sneak Goomba #5 punches Black Bolt right in the junk. His scream destroys Black Lantern Galactus' machine which releases cosmic energy that reacts negatively with the Phoenix power. All are destroyed, along with Earth, except for Manwe, and me, your friendly neighborhood Watcher. Manwe's mythical eagles are flying us to Mount Taniquetil in the heavens. I am still quite dazed when I ramble "why me?" Manwe responds "Even gods cease to exist if there is no one to tell their tale."

50,000 Views!

Today the site passed 50,000 all time page views.  I am sure a lot of the views were other people looking for legitimate information about their favorite superhero (only to be disappointed or, at least, happily distracted).  And a bunch might be Google's web crawlers too.  But a lot can be said about 6 years of hard work and dedication by you people.  Every owner.  Every watcher. Every Commissioner.  This league has worked because everyone has dedicated time to it (be it a little or a lot) and together we all created something truly awesome.

Congrats everyone.  Now comment below about your most memorable moment in the league.