S8W5: Barkleys Vs. Horsemen

Charles Barkey's Turrible Decisions are: Captain Universe, Peter Petrelli, Sylar, Matt Parkman, Claire Bennett w/Asohka Tano's green lightsaber, Hiro w/blue lightsaber, The Haitian, Blue Dragon #7-12, Red Dragon #19-22, Sandworms of Saturn #2 and #5, Ajax, Barbarossa, Golen Army #31-33, Golden Army #34 (Inge-bot), Golden Army #35 and 36, Super Cyborg Charles Barkley, Super Cyborg Michael Jordan, Balrog #1, Manhunters #4-6, Stargirl, S.T.R.I.P.E., Squeeze Play, Lokas, Nexu #2, Marine #70-78, Skeleton #1-6, and Ewok Child #2-5.

The Horsemen of Apokolips are: Eternity, Hargen the Measurer, Tefral the Surveyor, Nezzar the Calculator, Gammenon the Gatherer, Arishem the Judge, Jemiah the Analyzer, Eson the Searcher, Oneg the Prober, Ziran the Tester, Colossus (Juggernaut), Daken, Dark Archangel, War, Famine, Pestilence, Death, Ozymandius (Clan Akkaba), Yellow Lantern Freddy Kreuger, Dalton, Wade Garrett, Private James F. Ryan, Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki, and Arachnid #21-40.

In week 5, The Horsemen of Apokolips unleashed a firestorm of cosmic power on the FFL, and even they were unaware of the potentially disasterous consequences that would follow. In space, The Celestials silently compiled data to determine the fate of the Playoff Planet below. One by one, the "thumbs down" was given, and there came a day when Eternity itself decided to cut the cancer known as the Playoff Planet out of the universe.

Could Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions save the beloved Playoff Planet, or have The Horsemen's own turrible decision doomed it? Will future playoff matches be held in a local bingo hall from now on? Find out after this "not as good as it could be" fight sequence!!!

Most of The Barkleys are stationed in the desert section of the planet, as there is little point in them occupying another section. Here, they are at their strongest, and they await The Horsemen's charge. Normally, The Horsemen engage the enemy on their own terms, but this is an exception. Their scout Private James F. Ryan has been captured, and they intend to save him. (Sounds like an awesome movie, someone should make that).

With little tact and zero subterfuge, The Horsemen run headlong into battle using their superior numbers to their advantage. The army of Starship Trooper Arachnids lead the charge, with Juggernaut-Colossus, Daken, War, Famine, Pestilence, Death, Ozymandius, Dalton, and Wade Garrett trailing slightly behind them. Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki and Dark Archangel stay where they are to survey their team's progress from a distance.

Green Lantern Ryan is lounging on a green light construct of a lawn chair, and is fanned by beings of light energy (Yes, of course they are shaped as hot chicks.) Dark Archangel, however, seems less than enthused about the course of action.

"Is this wise? There was reletively little discussion or forethought into our strategy" observes Dark Archangel.

GL Ryan laughs. "Duh, of course this is wise. We have an army of Arachnids between us and the enemy, and if they somehow get through them, we have some serious asskickers backing them up. And, if by some miracle they actually make it close to us, we got something for them" states GL Ryan as his ring sparks with emerald energy.

"We do not need to stay behind like cowards! We should be leading our team to victory!" suggests an increasingly annoyed Dark Archangel.

"Ha! Good one! This match is 5 deaths a piece, and I'm in no mood to head to the Graveyard just yet. Plus, honestly, you're the man Warren! One of my favorites, but unfortunately, we never get a chance to hang out. So... how are the kids?" asks GL Ryan.

Dark Archangel grabs GL Ryan by the throat. "Warren is no longer my name. I am Apocalypse, and I tire of your foolishness. Only the fittest shall survive my wrath" vows Dark Archangel as he flies off to join the fight.

"Whatta d*ck" comments GL Ryan to himself as he dusts himself off. He remakes his relaxing constructs, and continues to watch the melee from a distance.

The Horsemen's Arachnids are the perfect storm troopers, and easily overwhelm The Barkley's first line of defense, Golden Army #31-36. This includes the always polarizing Golden Army soldier #34, Inge-bot. They have losses, but they are minimal as move on to attack Nexu #2, Marine #70-78, Skeleton #1-6, and Ewok Child #2-5.

Dalton and Wade Garrett are using their Roadhouse skills to kick Super Cyborg Charles Barkley and Super Cyborg Michael Jordan into scrap metal, although to be fair, Barkley and Jordan had bet on their opponents to win. War's ax, Daken's claws, and Jugger-lossus' power easily make short work of Stargirl, S.T.R.I.P.E., Squeeze Play, and Lokas. Barkley's Dune Titans Ajax and Barbarossa are gaining some momentum, and have crushed Ozymandius, Pestilence, Famine, and some Arachnids. An arriving Dark Archagel takes offense at the killing of his personal horsemen, and quickly smashes the Titans' brain containers with his metallic wings. The now lifeless husks are torn asunder by the ravenous Arachnids that still swarm the area. Only one Barkley is left standing after this skirmish: Balrog #1. The LoTR beast is not going down easily, and his flaming whip engulfs Dalton, Wade Garrett, Daken, and a few Arachnids in an inferno. Jugger-lossus marches through the fire, and laughs before his devastating punch relieves the Balrog of it's head. With the sector seemingly clear, The Horsemen survey the area, tryting to find their lost scout Private James Ryan. They find the last of Mrs. Ryan's boys not far from the battle, and his discovery leads to an uncharacteristic display of emotion and comraderie from the team.

GL Ryan looks through a pair of light constructed binoculars, and is disgusted by the scene. "Ugh, f*ckin pussies" he mutters to himself. "Whatever, a win is a win." he reasons as he continues to relax. Soon, his emerald energy chair begins to dematerialize.

"No man escapes The Manhunters" say Manhunter #4, #5, and #6 in unison. They drain the power from GL Ryan's power ring, and the rest of his creations dissipate. This includes the fanning women, which really has GL Ryan steamed.

"No! Not the babes! It took me all day to perfect that kind of hotness! Now I'm pissed." GL Ryan says. The Manhunters ignore him and continue to fly in for the kill.

"It would be a real shame if a certain Roster Wizard decided to add you guys to the death list for the week, wouldn't it?" threatens GL Ryan.

The Manhunters disappear into thin air as a fudged death list becomes reality. GL Ryan sees his team in the distance still celebrating the saving of Private Ryan, and decides to walk over and get their asses in gear. He doesn't take many steps before he feels a tremor beneath the sand. A puzzled GL Ryan takes out his phone to look over the Barkley's roster and see if there is anything he has missed. His eyes widen in disbelief as he realizes a fatal mistake. "IT'S A TRAP!!!" yells GL Ryan Ackbarishly, but he is still too far away for his teammates to hear him.

The Barkley's Sandworms of Saturn #2 and #5 erupt from beneath the sand and consume many stunned Horsemen easily. They corral the survivors of the attack in between them, and the 4 Red and 6 Blue Dragons of The Barkley's swoop in from high above to provide air support. Their breath weapons of fire and lightning are devastating to the concentrated Horsemen, and all are not long for this world. Luckily for The Horsemen, the disease inducing aura of Death gave the Sandworms and assorted Dragons GonoSyphaHerpeAIDS, so they eventually die a painful death. The desert action has ended, as no one remains on the battlefield, save GL Ryan Poteracki. He views the carnage, and regrets underrating The Barkley's strategy.

"This is all your fault!" screams GL Ryan at his still drained power ring.

We head back to space, where nothing has changed. Eternity and the gathered Celestials are still floating above the Playoff Planet, seemingly actionless. In reality, they are disassembling the planet molecule by molecule, which, naturally, is taking forever. They do this as to not disrupt the galaxy around them too suddenly, and frankly, when you're immortal, you have time to do things the right way. Unfortunately, it is as boring as it gets, so what say we head back to the surface of the planet, and check in on a ragtag group of Barkley's Heroes.

Peter Petrelli, Sylar, Hiro, Claire Bennett, Matt Parkman and The Haitian are gathered on a peaceful plain, while Captain Universe meditates to divine any kind of plan to stop the Celestials and Eternity. He uses the Enigma Force to synch with the will of the universe. And the Heroes continue to wait.

"I should take his power for myself. I will finish this alone!" boasts Sylar.

"No. He said he doesn't understand why, but this is a team effort. All of us are needed, including you. Now he just has to figure out how we pull this off" says the even tempered Peter Petrelli. The Haitian, Matt Parkman, Hiro, and Claire Bennett agree.

Captain Universe extends the power of the Enigma Force outward, sharing his unlimited power with the Heroes. They fly to the outreaches of space and confront The Celestials. The unpredictable energy is erasing The Celestials from existence one by one, until Eternity itself loses conciousness.

"That's quite the story. To bad you fell asleep while meditating. The planet's plains section can be quite tranquil this time of year" observes The Horsemen's Yellow Lantern Freddy Kreuger. In the land of dreams, even Captain Universe is just another victim to YL Freddy, and his hand blades prove it by eviserating the Captain.

"Thank you" coughs a downed Captain Universe. "I knew I was not to be the champion this day, but you have insured that the real Captain would be chosen to right the universe. You may have mastery of the dreamscape, but the Enigma Force can at least keep you here with me until the end. You must know what happens to you when you die in a dream, don't you?" explains Captain Universe with a bloody smile.

YL Freddy desperately attempts to find any way out of his predictament, but soon the lights go out for both combatants.

The Enigma Force quickly scans the remaining Barkleys to select it's new bearer. Peter Petrelli is deemed worthy, and feels his cosmic senses expanding. He hears the universe itself whisper the divine plan to him, and he follows his new insticts. The lifeforces and the subsequent powers of his Heroes comrads are added to him by the Enigma Force, and he flies through the atmospere and into space to confront Eternity itself.

Peter speaks to Eternity in a language reserved for only the highest of cosmic beings.

"Listen carefully to my words, Eternity. I have the universe itself on my side, and it is telling me that The Celestials decision on The Playoff Planet is wrong. It may seem wise and prudent to destroy the planet. We are all aware of the destruction that occurs here, and it is very much a tumor on the wellbeing of our reality. But the tumor is benign. All of the nonsense and insanity is confined to one place for now, and if it is destroyed, who knows what havoc The FFL could unleash on the cosmos? What part of the universe will be tainted and contaminated next? Anywhere will be free game to them, and that will be far more dangerous to the universal balance, and also yourself. The Celestials knew this, and their actions would have eventually destroyed you, allowing them to become the new Eternity. Listen to the cosmic wind, and know I speak the truth" explains Peter Petrelli.

Eternity considers the facts and agrees with the bearer of the Enigma Force. He is displeased with the self serving judgement of The Celestials, and determines that they are the true danger to universal balance. They are destroyed with a thought, and Eternity leaves the Playoff Planet in peace.

Peter Petrelli and the combined might of the other Heroes has righted a cosmic mistake, and all is balanced again. There is no longer a need for The Enigma Force to occupy his body, so it leaves him, and will find it's next champion when the universe is again desperate for a savior. As Peter returns to normal, the vacuum of space quickly kills him. No one ever said being a Hero, even one on a scale like this, was rewarding.

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions have saved the Playoff Planet!!!

Season 8, Week 5 Match: The Royal Highness vs. Obama's Best of Both World's Touring Battalion of Commandos

“And the planets of the universe,
Go their way;
Not astounded by the sun or the moon,
Or by the day;
You and I will simply disappear,
Out of sight;
Well but I'm afraid soon there'll be,
No light.”

            “Planets of the Universe,” Stevie Nicks

 

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 8, Week 5 Match located on the Playoff Planet.  They are as follows:

The Royal Highness: Mogo, Q2, the Grandmaster, The Collector, The Gardener, The Possessor, Apocalypse, Ronan the Accuser, The Blue Marvel, The Flash ( Barry Allen), Paul Atreides, Sandworm 8, Atreides Soldiers 11-15, Spider-Gwen, Spider Girl, Lex Luthor, Molecule Man, Pyro, T-X, Mumm-Ra and Mutt, Deep 6: Attuma with atlas axe, Naga, Orka, Pirahna, Sea Urchin, Tiger Shark, Eggplant Wizard, Doozer 3, Marines 88-90, Futar 1-2, 7-10, Balrog 5, Skeletor’s Crack Troops 2-5, 14-15, Stormtroopers 84-87 and the Death Star.

Commandoes: Whizzy the Super Cat, Batzarro, The Question with Atrocitus’s red ring, Original Human Torch, Rhino, Vindicator, Baby Nightcrawler, Jared Nomak with Despotellis’s yellow ring, Reapers 1-6, Insecticons: Venom, Ransack, Barrage, Chop Shop, Esme Cullen, Alice Cullen, Jasper Hale, Rosalie Hale, T-3 Terminator, Space Jockey, Dr. Alan Grant with green lantern ring, Dr. Elle Satler with blue lantern ring, Professor Henry Jones, Sr. with white lantern ring, Clairy Fray with Katniss Everdeen’s bow and arrow, Secret Circle: Cassie Blake, Jake Armstrong, Faye Chamberlain, Diana Meade, Adam Conant, Melissa Glaser, Jonathan Levinson, Warren Mears, Andrew Wells, Cecelia “CeCe” Jones and Raquel  “Rocky” Oprah Blue, Flynn Jones, Ty Blue, Deuce Martinez, Gunther Hessenheffer, Tinka Hessenheffer, Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, Danger Mouse with red lantern ring, Ernest Penfold with red lantern ring, Herculoids: Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Gloop and Gleep, Jax with yellow lantern ring, Jen Linley with star sapphire ring and green lightsaber, Mansquito, Joan Jett with indigo lantern ring, Gungan Soldiers 14 (trident)-39, Sardakurs 13 and 50-57, Ewok Child 9, Doozer 9, Blue Dragons 13-14, Skeletor’s Crack Troops 7-12, Duncan Idaho Ghola 12 and Sand Troopers 1-5. 

Let the battle begin. . .

The Royal Highness Locker Room. . .

Marines 88-90, Futars 1-2, 7-10, Balrog 5, Skeletor’s Crack Troops 2-5, 14-15 and Stormtroopers 84-87 sit on their bench, waiting for the signal to join their ranks.

Desert [Grid 4.23]. . .

Paul Atreides stands before Atreides Soldiers 11-15.  Atreides scoops a cup of sand in his right hand.  The bottom of his palm opens and the grains begin to fall.

Atreides: These are the grains of sand beneath our feet!  These are the grains of sand of our battlefield.  These.  Are.  The.  Grains.  Of.  Sand.  Of.  Our.  Desert!!!

Atreides raises his left arm and his soldiers follow, crysknives in hand.  Sand Troopers 1-5 take aim at the Dune inhabitants. 

Sand Trooper 1 (laughs):  Who brings knives to a blaster fight?

Atreideis Soldiers 11 and 14 are killed instantly.  Atreides Soldiers 12, 13 and 15 throw their crysknives at the Sand Troopers.  The crysknives split the armor of their targets and Sand Troopers 1, 2 and 3 drop, mortally wounded.  As Sand Troopers 4-5 are about to shoot the remaining Atreides Soldiers, they are swallowed by the sands beneath their feet. A horrendous belch is heard.   

Duncan Idaho Ghola 12 is surrounded by Sardakurs 13 and 50-57.  Ghola rushes Atreides and the two battle one another while the Sardakurs dispel with Atreides Soldiers 12, 13 and 15, only losing Sardakur 13 in the skirmish.  Ghola manages to cut Atreides, but the Mahdi eventually kills the Tleilaxu bred warrior. Just as the Sardakurs surround Atreides, Sandworm 8 bursts forth from the sand, Sand Trooper armor brandishing its gullet.  Sandworm 8 swallows Sardakurs 50-57.  Paul Atreides smiles and stands with his beast. 

Water. . .

Attuma holds an atlas axe, floating with fellow Deep 6 teammates, Naga, Orka, Pirahna, Sea Urchin and Tiger Shark.  Gungan Soldier 14 raises his trident while behind him swim the vicious Gungan Soldiers 15-39. 

Gungan Soldier 14:  Meesa brrothersss and sisterrrss!!!  Wesah swimmmm to victoree, or enter the Graaaveyard!!! 

The Gungans swarm the Highness crew.  Blood filters through the water as the Gungans strike often and repeatedly.  Sea Urchin is miraculously stripped of his power suit and drowns.  The homo mermanus, Orka, is the next to succumb to the sheer numbers of the water Commandoes. The remnant Deep 6ers, in reality, is just too strong for the Gungans.  All of the common Naboo soldiers are eventually killed, but taking in death with them, Naga.

Attuma: To land.

Pirahna and Tiger Shark follow their leader toward the shore.

City. . .

The Rhino careens to a halt as he is webbed by both Spider Gwen and Spider Girl.  Skeletor’s Crack Troops 7-12 burst from a building and begin to fire their weapons at the Spiderverse characters.  Using their spider senses, both Spider Gwen and Spider Girl easily dodge the firings.  The two women use their webbing and strength to dislodge a large billboard of J. Jonah Jameson.  The monstrous structure falls to the ground, crushing all of the Crack Troops.  While the duo search the robotic carnage under the billboard, the two fail to notice Rhino escaping and then running down the street to gather additional forces.

The Royal Highness Locker Room. . .

Marines 88-90, Futars 1-2, 7-10, Balrog 5, Skeletor’s Crack Troops 2-5, 14-15 and Stormtroopers 84-87 sit on their bench, waiting for the signal to join their ranks.

Desert [Grid 1.27]. . .

Doozer 3 meets Doozer 9.  The two fight to an embittered standstill.  Both are bloodied and covered with sand as two blue behemoths lumber to the scene.  Blue Dragons 13 and 14 open their gaping maws and dispense waves of lightning at the two three inch characters.  They are both incinerated.  Mumm-Ra’s Mutt races toward the dragons, loudly barking.  The brutish canine is burnt to a crisp.  Seeing his pet destroyed, the Thundercats’ nemesis calls upon the mystical arts and uses his own form of electrokinesis.  Mumm-Ra’s power shred both Blue Dragons 13 and 14.  Mumm-Ra kneels before his pet and becomes enraged.  Mumm-Ra’s eyes glow with venom.

Space. . .

Mogo orbits around the Playoff Planet.  The entire brigade of Commando ring bearers focus on the living planet’s power battery.   The green lantern’s battery is pummeled by the Question’s red lantern ring, Jared Nomak’s yellow lantern ring, Dr. Alan Grant’s green lantern ring, Dr. Elle Satler’s blue lantern ring, Professor Henry Jones Sr’s white lantern ring, Danger Mouse’s red lantern ring, Ernest Penford’s red lantern ring, Jax’s yellow lantern ring, Jen Linley’s star sapphire ring and Joan Jett’s indigo lantern ring.  The spectrum’s barrage is too much for Mogo’s energy cell.  The battery is overwhelmed and shuts down.  Mogo falls into a comatose state of death.  The planet’s green essence ceases to exist and Mogo is no more in this week five match.

Mountains. . .

While holding his special staff in his left hand, Eggplant Wizard launches his magical attack on Vindicator.  Vindicator’s suit takes the brunt of the burst and throws her into the mountainous terrain.  While focused on Vindicator, Molecule Man swirls his hands and creates an energy beam launched at the Eggplant Wizard.  The Eggplant Wizard explodes.  Meanwhile, Pyro sends a burst of flames at Clairy Fray, who avoids the fires and pulls her drawstring, launching an arrow straight through the eye and brain of Pyro.  Molecule Man pushes a force field around Fray and tightens it, sucking the oxygen from her lungs, killing the Mortal Instruments’ character.  Molecule Man then takes on the Insecticons.  Although the villain manages to destroy Barrage and Chop Shop, Ransack and Venom take advantage of the numbers and destroy the man.  Vindicator joins her teammates after shaking off the effects of the skirmish.

 The Royal Highness Locker Room. . .

Marines 88-90, Futars 1-2, 7-10, Balrog 5, Skeletor’s Crack Troops 2-5, 14-15 and Stormtroopers 84-87 sit on their bench, waiting for the signal to join their ranks.

City. . .

Lex Luthor stands in his battle armor, facing imminent doom.  The Buffyverse trio, Jonathan Levinson, Warren Mears and Andrew Wells has lured the super-villain from his stronghold into the streets.  Having matched the mind of Luthor, the three have concocted a dastardly deed to dispel Luthor from the fight.  Mears presses a button and dance music emanates from loudspeakers which are strewn across the area.  The music plays from the stanza.

Bring the lights up!
Bust the doors down!
Dust yourself off,
Shake it up!
Shake it up!

Cecelia “CeCe” Jones, Raquel “Rocky” Oprah Blue, Flynn Jones, Ty Blue, Deuce Martinez, Gunther Hessenheffer and Tinka Hessenheffer strut from various buildings located across the street. 

Luthor looks in dismay as his suit is being taken over and practically shut down by the superior minds of Levinson, Mears and Wells.  Luthor begins dancing to the music.  He screams and manages to temporarily take control of his suit, blasting Gunther and Tinka Hessenheffer.  Luthor then uses a sonic boom to kill Flynn Jones, Ty Blue and Deuce Martinez.  CeCe and Rocky spring toward Luthor and smile.

CeCe:  This fiery red-head is gonna take you down Luthor.

Rocky:  Down to the ground Lexy!!!

Although Luthor tries to blast the duo, he is unable to do so.  The Buffy trio is in complete control of the armor.  Luthor disintegrates himself.

Dj set it off!
Take it up a notch
All together now!
Shake it up!
Shake it up!

CeCe and Rocky walk toward Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.  The four are then joined by the eggheads.

 Fox Mulder:  Not pretty, but good work guys.  You remind me of the Lone Gunmen.

Dana Scully: Only smarter.

Forest. . .

Once again, the adage of size matters carries weight in the battle held in the Forest Region of the Playoff Planet.  Barry Allen races across the wooded land, focusing on Mansquito.  The Flash manages to kill Mansquito, but fails to notice Ewok Child 9 and unfortunately trips over the Endor inhabitant, breaking its furry neck.  The Secret Circle coven holds the Flash in place with their witchcraft while Esme Cullen, Alice Cullen, Jasper Hale and Rosalie Hale leap upon Allen and tear him apart, bathing in his blood.  T-X comes to the scene and her mimetic polyalloy coating comes to life, skewering the hearts of both Cullens and Hales.   The T-3 terminator then battles its T-X counterpart.  The two battle to a standstill until the Blue Marvel comes to the scene and destroys the T-3 Terminator with his anti-matter manipulation powers.  Space Jockey flies to the scene and immediately is killed by Blue Marvel.

Plains. . .

Baby Nightcrawler bamfs next to Apocalypse and smacks the mutant in the face.  Apocalypse catches the small blue hero by the throat and breaks his neck in one small twist of his hand.  Meanwhile, Ronan the Accuser battles the Original Human Torch.  The two smash each other repeatedly, but the Kree is eventually too much for the hero.  The Original Human Torch’s flames are snuffed out and his life follows.  Reapers 1-6 join the Herculoids Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Gloop and Gleep. Although, once again, the numbers are on the Commandos side, this time it is for naught as both Ronan and Apocalypse easily dispatch with the Reapers and Herculoids. 

Final Battle. . .

The Grandmaster, the Collector, The Gardener and the Possessor stand above their teammates, Apocalypse, Ronan the Accuser, The Blue Marvel, Paul Atreides, Sandworm 8, Spider-Gwen, Spider Girl, T-X, Mumm-Ra Attuma, Pirahna and Tiger Shark.

For the Commandos, Whizzy the Super Cat and Batzarro arrive to the scene, joined by the Question with Atrocitus’s red ring, Rhino, Vindicator, Jared Nomak with Despotellis’s yellow ring, Insecticons – Venom and Ransack, Dr. Alan Grant with green lantern ring, Dr. Elle Satler with blue lantern ring, Professor Henry Jones, Sr. with white lantern ring, Secret Circle: Cassie Blake, Jake Armstrong, Faye Chamberlain, Diana Meade, Adam Conant, Melissa Glaser, Jonathan Levinson, Warren Mears, Andrew Wells, Cecelia “CeCe” Jones and Raquel  “Rocky” Oprah Blue, Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, Danger Mouse with red lantern ring, Ernest Penfold with red lantern ring, Jax with yellow lantern ring, Jen Linley with star sapphire ring and green lightsaber and Joan Jett with indigo lantern ring.

Whizzy the Supercat and Batzarro spring upon both Pirahna and Tiger Shark.  Although the Deep 6 members manage to fight against the two, they are eventually killed due to the sheer power of the Commando duo.  Attuma comes to the aid of his now dead brethren and destroys Batzarro, slicing the twisted doppleganger with his heat axe. The Secret Circle faces Mumm-Ra.  The coven’s combined powers are immense, but still not enough to defeat the undead mystic.  The entire Secret Circle is ripped apart by the magical abilities of a superior foe.   Spider Gwen and Spider Girl finish off the Rhino for good during this encounter, but are ripped apart by the Insecticons, Joan Jett and Vindicator. 

The Elders of the Universe, with the other powerhouses are bombarded by the combined ring abilities of the Commandos.  Miraculously, the Royal Highness team is losing the ultimate campaign due to an onslaught of ring weaponry. The Grandmaster, the Collector, the Gardener, the Possessor, Apocalypse, Ronan the Accuser and the Blue Marvel, all unfathomable power houses, are actually losing the battle to the remaining Commandos.

The Death Star floats into view above the Playoff Planet. Q2 surveys the final battle situation and calculates the ultimate outcome.  There is no other option.  Q2 commences the firing of the battle station’s weapon. 

All inhabitants fighting on the Playoff Planet look to the sky. 

Rocky holds CeCe and the two embrace.  They kiss, their tongues exploring each other’s mouths.

The Royal Highness Locker Room. . .

Marines 88-90, Futars 1-2, 7-10, Balrog 5, Skeletor’s Crack Troops 2-5, 14-15 and Stormtroopers 84-87 sit on their bench, waiting for the signal to join their ranks.

Marine 88: What is that sound?

Stormtrooper 86:  I’ve heard that sound before when I was on the Death Star!!!

The locker room realizes what is happening.

Stormtrooper 87 turns to Stormtrooper 84:  Good to sit alongside you, even though we never made it into battle. . .

An explosion rips across the entire Playoff Planet, destroying the Locker Room and all inhabitants battling upon same.

Death Star. . .

Q2:  The only outcome. . .

Q2 lowers its head and walks to the sanctum sanctorum of the station.

 

Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Empire

The Empire is Gondor Soldier #10-17, Elephant #7-8, (book) Arachnid #41-43, Kobald #1-7, Speed Demon (w/ a star wand), Mole Man (w/ a laser sword), Jigsaw (w/ Jiggly Puff), Black Condor (w/ laser gun), Webstor (w/ an Indigo lantern ring), Roboto (w/ blue lightsaber), Mechaneck (w/ energy bow and arrows), Duncan Idaho Ghola #12 (w/ yellow lantern ring), Forest Gump (w/ Zapper and Proton Pack), Mike Huckabee (w/ green lantern ring), Christopher Robin (w/ 2 green lightsabbers), Doogal (w/ a green lightsaber), El Blanco (w/ green mantle (Commissioner approval pending)), Cordelia Chase (w/ Bill Kelley’s Plumb Hammer), Immell #2 (Batteldae (w/ Aaron Griswold’s estwing hammer), Copper Dragon #1-6, Brass Dragon #9-10, 8-Ball w/ 6-Ball, 9-Ball, and 11-Ball, 4-Lom and Zuckuss, Sith Lord #18-19 (Darth Barren and Darth Vegetariano), Cybertronian Guardian #8, Acklay #3, Riik #2, Krayt Dragon #4, Xenomorph #54, Rohirim #1, Jedi master #40, Watchdog #9 & 10, and Dementor #6 & 9.

Team Sleeping Pussy is Bizarro Superman, Lizard, Black Lightning, Ultron, Dr. Strange (w/ Mithril Vest), Baron Mordo, Binary, Zombie Mephisto, Korvac, Dark Beast, Devil Dinosaur, Brood Queen, Brood Alien #1-5, Savage Dragon, Obi Wan Kenobi’s Spirit, Leia Organa: Jedi Knight, La Femme Nakita, Capt. Guts, Ka-Zar, Zabu, Zombie Nightmare, D’ Spayre, MODOK, The Lone Wolf, Xenomorph #1-4, Roy Batty (w/ green lightsaber and Mandalorian Armor), Alexander Luthor, Bubastis, Jedi Knight #23A-27A, Red Dragon #23, Sardakaur Terror Troop #58-66, Horse #37-40, Shi’ Ar Warrior #7, and Storm Trooper #50.


Sith Lord #19, once the apprentice to Darth Barren, he has now become the master as his powers have exceeded that of so many Sith Lords before him. Marooned on an island in the center of the Play-off Planet Sea, Darth Vegetariano has used his mastery of the dark side to take control of the minds of his entire team, as well as taking control of The Green Mantle after it was rejected by the so-called “El Blanco” whom the The Empire owner attempted to give it to. El Blanco, the albino tremor monster, didn’t really know what to do with the all-powerful green mantle (other than eat it). Not to question the owner’s play here. I mean who wouldn’t play a 9 death unique tremor with an item it couldn’t possibly use in a 5 death week, when it just happens to be the week before a 2 death match in the desert?? That’s almost as cool as somebody killing off their last two sandworms in the big week as fillers (#Sith Aids).

Darth Vegetariano, in all his force-laden power, not only easily has the will power to wield the Green Mantle; but has such immense will to mold the power of the mantle into working for his own twisted will. For perspective, what could possibly take more willpower than to willingly decide that you are going to single out the tastiest thing in any person’s diet and then not eat it. For one to disregard the natural and righteous right of any human to eat and enjoy the flesh of lesser forms of life demonstrates a level of willpower that more than just verges on a masochistic need toward ones own well-being. The only thing more difficult than that would be to include in your swearing off of meat: alcohol, smoking, caffeine, and chocolate…….. I mean… WHY, ……WHY GOD WHY????

But I digress…

Dark Beast has worked tirelessly to create a plan to attack Vegetable Island as The Sleeping Pussies have come to call it; but it will still prove most difficult as The Sith Lord, despite not having quite as much firepower as his opponents has fortified their position far too well. His team is prepared for any form of attack as they wait steadfast;…. And hungry. Steadfast but very very hungry. I mean vegetables and fruit are okay; but when you have a battle to fight it sure would be nice to have some meat to stick to your bones, I mean that is muscle food. Brain food, it’s just simply the stuff your body craves. I mean, it’s meat. Meat is what it is all about. Meat is what’s for dinner. Meat is the original white meat. If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?? Riddle me that one Batman?? I mean just a Slim Jim or something would do the trick. It would just be………. I’m doing it again aren’t I? Sorry. Back to the match…

The point of Vegetable Island is extremely precise; so Dark Beast no matter how closely he calculated, could not trust the teleportation abilities of any of his dark-powered teammates to get his squad there without risking high casualties before the match even started. So, they instead knock down a building from the abandoned city area of the planet and have the team climb on the platform and hold on. Bizarro Superman then lifts up the brick wall turned platform and flies in towards the fortified island at breakneck speed (it didn’t break anybody’s neck though because they are strong and well-nourished with lots of meat). Dark Beast’s plan may not seem like much at this point; but part of Dark Beast’s dark plan involved the saving of some of Team Sleeping Pussy’s top fighters from this 5-Mega-Death-Extravaganza. So despite how it may handcuff the team for this match Dark Beast thought that it was important to shield some of the better fighters for the future (he of course included himself in this batch as well). Which means that Bizarro Superman and Korvac both popped into the match for only a matter of moments to wipe out some obligatory commons before retreating towards the seemingly empty desert area. Bizarro uses a hefty dose of heat breath to wipe out all seven Gondor Soldiers, the three “WAY” smart Arachnids that were just like Heinlein intended and not tainted by the ideas of that dumb movie (not that it kept them alive any longer). The powerful bizarre Kryptonian whom I am really not in the mood to write any dialogue for also laid to waste Darth Vegetariano’s first line of defense The Cybertronian Guardian #8 by rocketing through the center of the extra large Omega Supreme rip-off before retreating away as Dark Beast intended. Korvac refuses to be outdone by his stone-faced dolt of a teammate and goes all super-powerie-explosive-bad-guy on The Empire’s elephants, Kobalds, Dementors, and Acklay before he grabs a hold of Dark Beast and joins Bizarro Superman in the desert. Baron Mordo is scheduled to join the retreat as well and casts a good dose of bad magic on Jedi Master #40, which takes out his homeboy Rohirim #1 as well.

With the retreat of The Power-Pussies, all hell breaks loose with the full-frontal attack on The Empire. Darth Vegetariano, from within his makeshift throne room begins sending out his squad in waves to defend Vegetable Island.

The Copper Dragons fly out first and swarm Red Dragon #23. The larger red dragon manages to take out Copper Dragon #3 & 4 before the rest of them rip it apart. But The Queen and her Brood leap all over the four remaining Copper and 2 Bronze Dragons that have come out from around the small palace to lend them a hand. Only the Queen and #2 are left alive once the last dragon is killed. The two of them are killed by Xenomorph #54, because well let’s face it, there’s nothing like the real thing.

Devil Dinosaur catches a yellow energy infused sword to the brain from Duncan Idaho, and so does La Femme Nikita; but not before she falls madly in love with the studly embodiment of Atreides honor. Capt. Guts then avenges his teammates with a perfectly placed, deadly kick to the chest of Idaho.

Zombie Nightmare then wipes out 8-Ball and his crew with some dead and scary stuff; but Darth Vegetariano’s former master and now apprentice Lord Barren takes out the Zombie Freddy Krueger rip-off with a Force Whirlwind (shout out Super Shadow).

Batteldae puts a goalie-stickerang into the dome of Shi’Ar Warrior #7, but then gets his neck broken by Savage Dragon, on his way to kicking the head off of Xenomorph #54. Jigsaw then chooses Jiggly Puff who does his jiggle err whatever attack on Savage Dragon to finish him off.

With the help and guidance of Kenobi’s spirit, Princess Leia leads the group of Jedi Knights they decapitate Cordelia Chase, and take out the two Watchdogs on their way to battling The Riik, whom they are able to take out but the Jedis are caught from behind by the laser and energy blasts of Webstor and Roboto. Dr. Strange is able to show up and save Leia as he wiped out both of her attackers before being caught in the proton containment blast from Forest Gump and then finished off by a blaster shot from the best GODDAMN SOLDIER ON THE TEAM.

Back in the desert….

Dark Beast and his “Too good for the battle trio” are about to start on the six pack of Miller Lite that the mutant smuggled in to celebrate with, when they realize that it was not the entire Empire Squad that was transported to Vegetable island. El Blanco and Krayt Dragon #4 burst out of the sand and begin fiercely attacking. El Blanco swallows Baron Mordo into the ground with ease before he consumes him. El Blanco, who is plenty powerful is managing to do this without the green mantle that his owner attempted to give to the albino tremor. I mean, not to criticize the owner of The Empire or anything. I mean, it was a great play. Not to mention playing this 9 death unique tremor in a 5 death week. Oh wait I’m not only mentioning it now, but I did already (my bad). It’s not like we have a 2 death desert week coming up or anything….. El Blanco gets ripped apart by Korvac’s cosmic mightiness. Dark Beast then diverts the attention of The Krayt Dragon to lure him out of the sand; so Bizarro can use his freeze vision to destroy the hot weather predator.

Mike Huckabee then uses his green lantern ring mixed with the power of JESUS to finish off the undead Mephisto, while Speed Demon and Mole Man combine their skills and FFL given weaponry to take out Binary and Roy Batty who was flying around like a lunatic in his Mandalorian suit.

4-Lom and Zuckuss pop out from cover and go nuts with their blaster rifles; taking out Capt. Guts, Ka-Zar, Zabu, Lizard, and Black Lightning; but they are then sniped off by The Lone Wolf.

Darth Vegetariano himself leads the final charge, with his whole team following close behind. They mow through the remaining Xenomorphs, the Sardakaurs on horseback, Storm Trooper #50, the very smart looking Alexander Luthor and his very smart creature Bubastis (Bubastis hangs out with Luthor when Ozymandias isn’t around), MODOK, and D’ Spayre.

The Lone Wolf from atop his perched vantage point screams “THAT’S IT”, as he reaches into his pocket and activates Ultron. Ultron boots up and comes out guns blazing, while The Lone Wolf provides cover for the super-advanced robot. The two of them easily take out Speed Demon, Mole Man, Jigsaw & Jiggly Puff, Black Condor, Mechaneck, Forest Gump, Christopher Robin, and Doogal, before The Huckster uses all of the money he made from Fox News for the last 4 years and won’t be needing for a presidential run to use bring in a fly by from every U.N. ignored mercenary group operating on the planet to wipe out both Ultron and his Norrisized partner. Princess Leia then chops off the Huckamaniac at the neck on her way to battling the two remaining Sith Lords.

Vegetariano and Barren double team her from both sides (ha) but she quickly takes out Barren with a lightsaber stab to the heart. Vegetariano then takes her off guard while she is pulling her saber from Lord Barren. Leia swings with her saber with all her might to remove the head of Darth Vegetariano, but he manages to slide his celery-smelling red lightsaber into her chest just before his head falls from his body.

As Leia lay on the ground gasping for her last breath, she see the face of Old Ben: her brother’s old master, who sacrifices the rest of his force power to save her life…….

Consortium: Week 5

The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse VS. Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies

The Grindhouse is Xebel Soldier #1-20, Manhunter Robot $1-3, Golden Army Soldier #3-7, 16-30, 37-39, Warwold #1-5, Dr. Deathbrain, The Living Killing Roller Coaster, Treasure Troll #9, Jedi Master #38-39, Velociraptor #36-43, Mandalorian #36-43.

The Murderflies are Treasure Troll #27, Starship Trooper #1-6, Giant Hammer Bros. #5-7, Velociraptor #44-48, Jedi Master #3A-7A, Amatsu-Mikaboshi: The Chaos King, Ego, Moon Knight, The Great Lakes Avengers: Mr. Immortal, Squirrel Girl, and Flatman, Scorpion (Marvel), Mandarin, Odin, Kingpin, Hawkman, Hawkwoman, Batgirl, Ace the Bat Hound, Miss Martian, Oa Guardian #6, Bodikka, Red Lantern #3, (female) Dr. Light, The Wonder Twins: Zan and Jayna, The Shark, Dark Claw, Lobo the Duck, Dr. Doomsday, The Maxx w/ Julie, The Shadow, Rachet, Bulkhead, Aang, Appa, Katara, Sokka, Toph Bei Fong, Zuko, and Squirrel #6-8/


In an unanimous vote of 6 to 0………………

BROCK SAMPSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!

Season 8 Week 5: George Washington's Slaves vs John & Vader's House of Sith AIDS

George Washington’s Slaves are Solomon Grundy w/Red Lantern Ring, Cole, G'Nark, Wildebeest, Green Arrow (Connor Hawk), Speedy (Mia Deardon), Loki, Wolverine, Spider-Man, Madison "Box" Jefferies, Xorn (Kuan-Yin), Sago Milius, Jabba The Hutt, Moltenadon, Protecabots: Hot Spot "Protectimus Prime" w/Autobot Matrix of Leadership, First Aid, Grooves, Blades, & Streetwise, Order of the Phoenix: James Potter, Lilly Potter, Edgar Bones, Remus Lupin, Caradoc Dearborn, Elphias Doge, Alice Longbottom, Frank Longbottom, Marlene McKinnon, Emmeline Vance, & Mad Eye Moony, Glavoid, The Three Musketeers: Athos, Porthos w/Green Hockey Stick Lightsaber , Aremis w/Green Lightsaber, & D'Artagian w/Green Lightsaber, Kaz the Minotaur, Fox, Banana Man, Pet Crow, Billy the Butcher, Mother's Milk, The Frenchman, The Female (of the species), Wee Hughie, Terror, Ben Linus, Buzz-Saw, Brock Lesnar, Timmell w/Darth Nihilus's Lightsaber, Cave Dump, Starship Trooper #19-24, Sand Trooper Officer #1, Battle Droid #100, Avian #2, Ancient Sith Lord #8-14, and Scout Trooper #1-10.

John and Vader’s House of Sith AIDS are Sandworm#10, Sandworm#2A, Parademon#1-10,
Jedi Lightsaber Scientist#3-5, Force Adept #1 w/Laser Sword , Force Adept #2 w/Laser Gun, Force Adept #3 w/Star Wand, Force Adept #4 w/Pokeball, Predator #49, Terminator #39, Xenomorph #53, 97-100, Eagle #1-7, Black Dragon #1-2, Green Dragon#19 - 21, The Screen Trax Robot, Reaper #7-8,
Velociraptor #5-7, Uruk Hai #15-19, and Horse #27-36.

“…..State Farm is there!”

VVVVWWOOOMMMMPPPP.

The Delta Force team led by Major “Dutch” Schaefer is teleported to the scorched earth that was once the Playoff Planet. There is still a smoldering haze in the air. They collectively scan the area for their opponents.

“Jesus, look at this place. It’s a wasteland,” comments Poncho.

“Doesn’t matter,” replies Dillon. “Keep moving soldier.”

“Don’t matter ta me. Just find me some scum to put in the ground,” retorts Blain Cooper as he spits a stream of thick gooey tobacco juice from his mouth. “Ol Painless here is itching to get to work,” he says as he pets his M134 Minigun.

A team of Scout Troopers begin firing on the Delta Force squad. The crew scatters behind some rubble. They then quickly find themselves surrounded by the Scout Troopers as well as a squadron of Mobile Infantry soldiers from the realm of Starship Troopers.

“Aw the hell with this,” Blain says as he steps out into the open and unleashes “Ol Painless” on his attackers.

The rest of the team work in unison with incredible tactical accuracy and mow down all sixteen of their assailants.

“Hold your fire!” shouts Dutch. “Ammo check.”

“Hang on, one’s getting away,” shouts Dillon.

“I got him,” says Rick Hawkins as he lines up his shot and picks off the lone Sandtrooper Officer that was trying escape.

“Alright, let’s move.” Orders Dutch as they head towards what was once the city.

“….Neighbor, State Farm is there”

VVVVWWOOOMMMMPPPP.

“What the hell are you guys doing?!?! You aren’t in this battle!” shouts the State Farm Agent.

“What are you talking about?! We’re already making some headway for our team!” argues Dutch.

“Doesn’t matter Dutch. Our GM didn’t start you guys. Now get back to the locker room so our team can finish what you started!” orders the State Farm Agent.

“Well ain’t this some shit,” grumbles Blain Cooper.

The Delta Force squad is teleported back to their locker room while the lineup that the General Manager of the Sith House of AIDS started arrives on the Playoff Planet.

“Heh, buncha commons. Well this will be quick,” says Wolverine as the rest of the George Washington’s Slaves show up.

In what can only be described as a hurricane of blood and savagery, the Slaves quickly and viciously dispatch every last common that was sent their way. While the Sandworms were able to devour the Ancient Sith Lords, Avian #2 and the lone Battle Droid from the Slaves, even they could not fend off the ferocious attack from the rest of the Slaves.

Once the dust has settled, the Slaves do find amongst the carnage one more of their own that has fallen in combat. Timmell no longer will be able to fill their locker room with glorious song.

*Watcher’s Note: This is what happens when you send your team in late and I have put together a much better line up for you AND had already begun writing it, but instead, you send me a line up LATE, comprised completely of commons and reeks of pussing out.*

Season 8 Week 4 Standings

Season 8, Week 4 Match: George Washington's Slaves vs. Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets

“You, telling me the things you're gonna do for me,
I ain't blind and I don't like what I think I see;
Takin' it to the streets.”

            “Takin’ It to the Streets,” Doobie Brothers

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 8, Week 4 Match located in Streets of Rage.  They are as follows:

George Washington’s Slaves: Darth Shemalya with Sith Lanvarok, Josh Houslander – Samurai Warrior, Vampire Al Dogg, Metroids 19-20, CLU on Tron Cycle, Rinzler, Castor on Tron Cycle, Gem, Simon Phoenix with M202A1 Flash rocket launcher, John Rambo, Sgt. Marcus Fenix, Dominic Santiago, Augustus “Cole Train” Cole, Damon Baird, Scorpion with heat axe and red lightsaber, Prowl “Prowlmus Prime” with Autobot Matrix of Leadership, Blurr, Thunderclash, Kol Skywalker with Yoda’s Green lantern ring, Shado Vao, Loki, Woverine, Spiderman and Aunt May in the Spider Buggy, Superman, Jor El,  Brock Lesnar, Sonny Chiba with red lightsaber, Kryptonian Army Soldier 1, Cole, Gnarkk, Smurf 3 and Stormtroopers 72-74 and Silver Dragons 8-14.
 
Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets: Bizarro Mr. Mxyzpltk, Eclipso, Magneto, Toad, Age of Apocalypse Weapon X, Age of Apocalypse Cyclops, Widdle Wade with Magnoguard Electrostaff, Hare Razin Rabbit, King Randor with He-Man’s Sword of Greyskull, Wheelie, Pythona with Asaaj Ventress’ two red lightsabers, Quick Kick, Pre Viszla with dark saber and Mandalorian Armor, Jeer Dexton, Duncan Idaho (child), Hiih Ressar, Nazgul 9 with indigo lantern ring and Mordor horse, NCIS Gibbs, Dinozzo, Magee,  Ziva David, Kate, Mike Franks, Ducky, Abby, Zombie Robert Hudson, Teri Hatcher with Star Sapphire Ring, Nightbrothers 1-6, Velociraptors 21-23, X-23, Flash Thompson - Venom, Wasp, Bill Murray and Army Soldiers 101-110. 

Let the battle begin. . .

Acrimony Street. . .

Zombie Robert Hudson is beheaded, lying at the feet of Samurai Warrior Josh Houslander, who looks obnoxiously weak in his faux clothing, no matter how hard he tries for it not to be so.  Before he draws his kitana in a menacing way, Velociraptors 21, 22 and 23 rip him apart and feast on the man’s flesh.  The dinosaur pack does not notice Spiderman and Aunt May careening down the street, with Wolverine hanging onto the vehicle’s bar.  The buggy crashes into Raptor 23, killing the beast, while 21 and 22 and instantaneously skewered by Wolverine’s unsheathed claws on both hands. 

Rankling Road. . .

Vampire Al Dogg looks to the sky and sees Teri Hatcher flying with her Star Sapphire ring.  VAD smiles at the once-hot-but-currently-not-so-much actress.

VAD: Hey man!  You still be lookin’ fine for an ancient b@$ch!

Hatcher’s ring constructs a large scissors which cuts a large billboard of its mount.  She attempts to drop it on VAD, but is foiled by Kol Skywalker’s green lantern ring.  The Jedi from the Skywalker lineage easily dispels with the Desperate Housewife. 

VAD: Thanks, dude!  I owe you one!

Umbrage Boulevard. . .

Stormtroopers 72-74 exchange fire with Army Soldiers 101-110.  Due to the advancement of the Empire’s weaponry, Army Soldiers 102 (ST 72), 104 (ST 73) and 107 (ST 74) are killed almost instantly.  The remaining soldiers focus their fire on Stormtrooper 72.  Stormtrooper 72’s body is riddled by bullets and Army Soldier 101 is recognized as having the final kill shot.  Smurf 3 saunters under the motor vehicles which align the street curbs and manages to distract the remaining Army Soldiers, 101, 103, 105-110.  Stormtroopers 73 and 74 take advantage of Smurf 3’s antics and kill all remaining Army Soldiers.   Smurf 3 races over to his team, but before he is able to reach them, is hit by Wasp with a bio electric energy blast, instantly scorching his blue body.  Smurf 3’s blackened body twitches and he dies.  While the Stormtroopers watch their diminutive teammate die, they are set upon by Venom - Flash Thompson, who kills them with both his symbiotic appendages and man-made weaponry. 

Chagrin Courtyard. . .

Bill Murray walks slowly within the concrete circle.  He notices Brock Lesnar in front of him, smiles and raises his hands. 

Bill Murray: You got me, friend. 

Brock Lesnar: Eat!  Sleep!  Break the Streak!

Murray: Whatever you say, guy.  It’s all good.

As Lesnar charges Murray, the actor ducks down and Quick Kick jumps over Murray to enter the fray.   Although somewhat larger than the Real American Hero, Quick Kick still manages to cut Lesnar down with his martial art expertise.  Nonetheless, Quick Kick then faces off against Sonny Chiba, who bests the G.I. Joe with his red lightsaber and karate skills.  

Fury Avenue. . .

CLU and Castor ride their Tron cycles down the spacious avenue.  Unfortunately, they do not have the proper control of their vehicles since they are not in the Tron World, but the duo manage as best they can.  Nazgul 9 faces off against the two Slaves.  Just as Nazgul 9 is about to unleash the fury of his sword, the Mordor horse’s head is sliced off by two Tron discs thrown by Rinzler.  Nazgul 9 is thrown from his steed, but lands safely by utilizing his indigo lantern ring.  Nazgul 9 flies toward Rinzler and the enforcer is struck down by the wraith’s sword. 

Ire Road. . .

Metroids 19 and 20 float down the road and are met by Nightbrothers 1-6.  Although the Metroids manage to succumb Nightbrothers 2 and 5, the remaining Nightbrothers destroy both Metroid 19 and Metroid 20, leaving space-faring jellyfish remnants across the street. The Nightbrothers’ victory is short lived as a barrage of weaponry fire not only disperses, but decimates the Star Wars characters.  Sgt. Marcus Fenix, Dominic Santiago, Augustus “Cole Train” Cole and Damon Baird have arrived.  Nightbrother 1 is killed by Fenix, 3 by Baird, 4 by Santiago and 6 by Cole.  Age of Apocalypse Weapon X and Cyclops, as well as Toad and X-23 storm the Gears of War crew.   Toad’s prehensile tongue lashes onto Baird, who is then thrown to Weapon X and sliced apart.  Cole is blasted by Cyclops and is decimated before he can fire a shot.  X-23 unleashes on Santiago and is killed in a matter of minutes.  Fenix manages to blast Toad, sending him to the Graveyard, but succumbs to the double skewering by both AoA Weapon X and X-23. 

Indignation Alley. . .

The NCIS team, being Gibbs, Dinozzo, Magee, Ziva David, Kate, Mike Franks, Ducky and Abby scan and study the trash cans and bags located throughout the area for clues as to the origin of the frost covered items. 

Gibbs: What do you think Ducky?

Ducky:  The frost appears to be affiliated with a living entity.

Abby: Entities!!!

Dinozzo:  Look to the sky!!!

David: Get down!!!

The frost emanated from Silver Dragons 8-14, as has been discovered by the humans.  Although they rush for cover within the bins and garbage, they are all unsuccessful as they are sprayed by a paralyzing gas.  The dragons engulf the entire crew, each belching as the NCIS member slides down their respective gullets – Gibbs by SD 9, Dinozzo by SD 13, Magee by SD 8, Ziva David by SD 11, Kate and Abby by SD 14, Mike Franks by SD 10 and Ducky by SD 12.

Acerbity Avenue. . .

Blurr and Thunderclash stand together with Prowlmus Prime against a lone Wheelie.  The giant robots battle, but the single Midget is not match for the might of the trio and is destroyed, with Prowl delivering the final blow.  Magneto steps from behind the dismantled Wheelie.

Magneto:  No.

Magneto strains, using his powers of magnetism to dismantle and rip apart both Blurr and Thunderclash.  Prowlmus Prime rushes away and manages to escape.

Prowlmus:  I will be back, Magneto!

Umbrage Road. . .

Widdle Waddle crouches ready to fight with his Magnoguard electrostaff.  Both Razin Rabbit and King Randor stand alongside Waddle.  They face Gem, Simon Phoenix, John Rambo and Scorpion.  Gem is immediately electrocuted as Waddle launches at the painted singer and shoves the entire stick in an unmentionable area.  Rambo’s rippling muscles ignite as the bullets of his machine gun shred Waddle apart.  To be sure of Waddle’s death, Scorpion uses his lightsaber to cut off Waddle’s head and then cauterizes the neck with his heat axe.  King Randor using his sword, with the assistance of Hare Razin Rabbit manages to overcome and kill Scorpion.  Simon Phoenix launches his Flash rocket launcher, disintegrating both Randor the Rabbit.  Phoenix cackles and smiles at Rambo. 

Ire Avenue. . .

Cole and Gnarkk face Hiih Ressar, Jeer Dexton and the child Duncan Idaho.   The skirmish between the forces does not last long as Jeer Dexton uses his Dark Jedi powers to destroy Cole.  Gnarkk focuses on Ressar and Idaho and his caveman brutality overcomes the Dune dwellers.  Although powerful, the Gnarkk is still no match for Dexton who slices the Titan in half. 

Main Street. . .

The remaining Slaves, being Vampire Al Dogg, CLU, Rinzler, Castor, Simon Phoenix, John Rambo, Prowl “Prowlmus Prime”,  Kol Skywalker, Shado Vao, Loki, Woverine, Spiderman, Sonny Chiba and Aunt May stand behind Superman, Jor-El,  Kryptonian Army Soldier 1 and Silver Dragons 8-14. 

Meanwhile, the remaining Midgets: AoA Weapon X, AoA Cyclops, Pythona Pre Viszla, Jeer Dexton, Nazgul 9, X-23, Flash Thompson - Venom, Wasp and Bill Murray stand behind a floating Bizarro Mr. Mxyzpltyk, Eclipso and Magneto. 

Before the skirmish can begin Eclipso and Bizarro Mr. Mxyzpltyk dispel with the entire band of Silver Dragons 8-14, through a combination of space wizardry and energy blasts. Vampire Al Dogg races at Bill Murray and manages to sink his teeth deeply in the neck of the comedian. 

VAD: You taste yummy bud!

Although mortally wounded, Murray smiles as he sees AoA Weapon X skewer VAD through the heart, which then bursts into a pile of dust.    

CLU and Castor are blown off their bikes by the optic blast of AoA Cyclops, who is then cut down respectively by X-23 and Venom.   The carnage continues as both Kol Skywalker and Shado Vao are killed by Pythona, Dexton and Viszla.  Viszla falls soon after to Kryptonian Army Soldier 1.   Nazgul 9 obtains his final revenge against Rinzler before being destroyed by the Trickster god Loki.  The combined weaponry and dexterity of Phoenix, Rambo and Chiba take out Pythona, notwithstanding her use of two lightsabers.   In the end though, Rambo is killed by AoA Weapon X, who then falls to the original Wolverine.   Phoenix is killed by Venom and shortly thereafter, Chiba is killed by Wasp.  AoA Cyclops shreds Aunt May with an optic blast.  In retaliation, Spiderman unleashes a fury of punches in retaliation, breaking Cyclops’s neck. 

Prowlmus: We meet again, Magneto.

Magneto:  Not the same result, coward.

Magneto magnetically crushes Prowl before the Transformer can reach the mutant.  While distracted though, Superman and Jor-El kill Magneto with well placed punches through his skull.  Eclipso retaliates and manages to kill Jor-El, but dies at Superman’s hands.  Loki manages to discombobulate Bizarro Mxyzlplyk, who is sent to his death, but not before himself killing Kryptonian Army Soldier 1.  Woverine skewers X-23.   Spiderman destroys Venom.   Superman and Loki take out Jeer Dexton and Wasp, respectively.  Loki, Superman, Spiderman and Wolverine stand within the layers of final carnage.

Darth Shemalya walks through the decimation and detritus scattered throughout the Streets of Rage.  A worn Superman looks at her in puzzlement.

Superman: Where were you?

Darth Shemalya:  Planning.

A muffled growl is heard from Wolverine.

Spiderman:  For what?

Darth Shemalya smiles and walks away, waiting for her teammates to follow. 

 

 

Season 8, Week 4: Real Man's Rabble Rousers vs. The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse

The Rabble Rousers are: Gears, Topspin, Twin Twist, Quick Switch, Hardhead/Duros, Trailbreaker, Highbrow/Gort, Whirl, Nightbeat/Muzzle, Bluestreak, Siren/Quig, Beachcomber, Hubcap, Outback, Skids, Junkeon #13, Junkeon #14, Snapdragon/Crunk, Runabout, Runamuck, Flywheels, Doublecross, Movie Ironhide, Movie Mirage, Movie Leadfoot, Movie Roadbuster, and Movie Topspin, and Storm Troopers #52-61.

The Grindhouse is: Kraven the Hunter, Huntara, Malekith the Accursed and Kurse, King of Spades, Queen of Spades, Jack of Spades, Ace of Spades, 10 of Spades, Bronze Tiger, Huntress, Super Dinosaur, Destro w/ red lantern ring, Baroness, Golden Army #6-15, The Living Killing Rollercoaster, Jason Todd (w/cannon fire gun, armor skin and mithril vest), Spider-Girl, Michael Knight and KITT, Terminator #40 "Clanks", Cy-Kill, Chris Redfield (w/ laser sword, laser gun, and Pokeball containing Mewtwo), Bright Heart Raccoon, and Starship Troopers #18-24.

   

   Kraven the Hunter, Huntara and Huntress traveled quickly along the Streets of Rage, scouting out a lead from Kurse's psionic tracking. "I could have found them myself. They're a bunch of giant robots, it would have taken five minutes tops. But no, we use that Dark Elf's meathead errand boy like Google Maps." Kraven's rant was getting to the ladies, who regretted using their aliases since it got them arbitrarily paired with him for the recon work. As they rounded a corner, they were met with a solid mass of Transformers waiting intentfully for their opponents. Oddly, every last one of them was wearing an oversized leather jacket and slicked-up pompadour, leaving Kraven and Huntress to stare in astonishment. At the front of the crowd were the most imposing (a.k.a. Movie) Transformers, with Mirage seemingly leading the squad. "Ayy, what's buzzin' cousin?" Mirage said in a stereotypical Italian-American greaser voice. "You just stepped foot in the wrong bear turf, Clyde, you know who we are? Well lemme sing it to ya, daddy-o." They struck cheesy poses as he declared "These streets belong to the Bad Boy Transformer Club!" Huntress's face twisted, but she failed to hold back and double over with laughter at the display. "Is this a joke?" Kraven demanded. "And what about you guys?" He gestured toward a cluster of embarassed looking Storm Troopers lacking the Transformers' stylish hair and matching jackets. "Hey man, we're just mercs, alright? This whole thing was Real Man's idea, and these guys might need to play along for their paychecks but we got paid up front." Snapdragon smacked the trooper over the back of the head. "Don't be a drag, man" he said, a phrase which here meant "If you mess this up for us you're gonna get blasted". Huntress had picked herself up by now and with amusement still coloring her voice, she said "Alright squares, meet us and our crew back here in two hours, unless you're chicken." They reported back to the rest of their team in an abandoned warehouse down the Street of Rage. While thoughts were mixed on the whole "rockabilly robot" theme none were as thrilled as Malekith (the mastermind currently controlling the Golden Army with the Crown of Bethmora) who as it turns out is a huge fan of musical theater. "Oh, I have the perfect thing for this! It will be just like West Side Story!" He left the room singing "The Jet Song" as the rest of his team prepared for the predictably awkward fight.

   When they met again, Malekith and his horde of Golden Army bots were similarly adorned in clothes nobody ever wore but young people think tough guys wore in the 50's. "I hear you squares were cruisin' for a bruisin" he called to the opposing horde of Greaseformers. In unison they gasped at their foe's bold and brash words. "Squares?!" cried Ironhide "That's it, you're gettin' a knuckle sandwich! Let's rumble!" The Transformers and Golden Army started rhythmically shuffling toward each other and snapping their fingers, but this didn't last long since the majority of the Grindhouse had no respect for dance-fight etiquette. Super Dinosaur was the first to make a move, unleashing a barrage of missiles on the enemy, destroying Beachcomber and knocking back several allies around him. The Storm Troopers opened fire in response immediately as the Transformers continued gasping."These wet rags are playing dirty, hepcats! Let's go ape on 'em!" In an instant they went from dance poses to fighting stances and their weapon fire began tearing apart the city. Taken by surprise, Bright Heart Raccoon and the King of Spades were demolished in the initial attack. The rest of the Royal Flush Gang moved to avenge their ally but found themselves to be more of a goofy villain team than a threat to a horde of heavily armed space robots, but they did function as a useful distraction to Quickswitch as Golden Army #7 charged over to tear in to him. The Golden Army bot was destroyed as well but began to regenerate, as it would until Malekith's crown was removed. While their team provided suppressing fire, Leadfoot, Roadbuster, Twin Twist and the two Topspins circled around to make an attempt on Malekith's life. As they circled around Twin Twist was snared by the leg in a red shackle from Destro's ring, and subsequently wrecked as a red imitation of his twin drills came down on him. "Twin twist, no!" the Topspins shouted in unison. They turned to fight Destro as the two remaining Wreckers advanced on Malekith. With his Golden Army busy working as a shield against the flurry of various projectiles coming from the Rabble Rousers, he was relying on his team to protect him. Huntress made an attempt to stop them with explosive crossbow bolts but they weren't enough to break down a Transformer and she was crushed under Leadfoot's lead foot. He was within reach of Malekith when a shot from Jason Todd's fire cannon gun blasted through him. Jason Todd was met with a rocket from Roadbuster, knocking him to the ground. The Mithril vest protected him from the explosion but the rapid minigun fire that followed sent shock through it that beat Todd to a pulp. Roadbuster reached Malekith, attempting to crush him underfoot as well. He didn't count on the Dark Elf's superhuman strength and was flung backwards, leaving him open to Kurse's protective response. Kurse climbed on to the fallen Wrecker and began punching through until he reached Roadblock's spark and crushed it. The Topspins had resolved their battle and while Destro could handle one of them, he was overpowered by the pair and Topspin Classic made it out of the fight unharmed. It was at that time that the remaining transformers had made their way to the Golden Army bots faster than they could regenerate and as they passed them, they took their fire off and made a quick break for Malekith. The entire team took defensive action. Super Dinosaur let a laser blast loose and took out Nightbeat/Muzzle, and Kurse tackled the formidable Ironhide. As he prepared to break his way through the Autobot his saw something out of the corner of his eye. He looked up to see Thor lost all focus on his current fight, turning his rage to the Asgardian. He realized his mistake when his fist passed through Mirage's hologram, his foot landing on a mine beneath it. Unrestrained, Ironhide the pulled himself up and took a single shot at Malekith, achieving a perfect no-scope headshot. The Golden Army was rendered useless as the bullet-marred crown flew off Malekith's head, and Chris Redfield knew it was time to unleash his secret weapon. "Mewtwo, I choose you!" He bellowed as the Pokeball burst open. As soon as he emerged he used Calm Mind to boost his stats. With his psychic powers and increased intellect, he quickly scanned the battlefield, strategized, and took to the air. He looked down to see Snapdragon and Doublecross dino-double-teaming Super Dinosaur and let a Psystrike loose on the pair, destroying them both along with Crunk. He looked down to see Chris Redfield failing to defend himself against Outback, but Mewtwo felt no subservience to his intended master and focused on more valuable actions. Ironhide was percieved as the greatest threat and he began to use Ice Beam on him. As he began to freeze, he raised a grenade launcher in resistance to his slowing movement and just before the ice enveloping him covered the launcher a grenade escaped and came crashing in to Mewtwo. Cy-Kill had finished tearing through the pair of Junkeons and moved to fight alongside Clanks the Terminator against Runabout and Runamuck. They sped around in vehicle form and Runamuck ran down Clanks before he saw it coming. They both turned to face Cy-Kill and revved up. Cy-Kill braced himself as as they neared, initiated a self-destruct that caught both Battlechargers in the blast. By this time the Grindhouse was down in numbers and, fresh out of combatants that could stand up to a robot greaser army, they were open to attack from all sides. "Alright boys, time to cream these nerds!" Mirage commanded as they closed in on the Grindhouse.

   A few miles away, the Storm Troopers had defected from their campy pompadour-sporting team. "Now THIS is what I'm talking about" said #54 cheerfully. "Just think, we might have been stucking getting slaughters with those nutjob Transformers. Now we got to live to make it to this badass carnival. Race you guys to the roller coaster!"

Turrible Decisions vs. House of Sith Aids

John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids:

The Brain, Monseiur Mallah, General Immortus, Garguax, Madam, The Chief, Robotman, Negative Man, Elasti-woman, Mento,  Ambush Bug , Aron The Rogue Watcher, Galvatron, Nova Prime (w/  Autobot Matrix of Leadership), Jhiaxus, Waspinator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Vampire #91 , Vampire#92 , Vampire#93, Vampire#94 ,Vampire#95 , Black Lantern Cloverfield Monster, King Godirah , Sparkplug Witwicky , Predator#49 , Griffin#1 , Griffin#2 , Griffin#3 ,Griffin#4 ,Compsognathus#29, Dark Side Master #6A, Sith Lord #13-14, Thinking Machine #1-3, Elephant #1-3, Fremen #42

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions:

John Zacharski, Nature Boy Ric Flair , Predacon: Rampage ,Red Alert , Inferno, Punch/Counterpunch, Cliffjumper , Mindwipe, Vorath, Squeeze Play, Locos, Kup (w/ green lantern ring), Cyclonus, Cyclonus Armada, Brawn w/ green lantern ring, Broadside, Junkeons #1 – 10, Autobots #6 – 10, Droideka #1 – 3, Sardakaur #30-39

Streets of Rage 4: Ferguson

The streets of Ferguson, MO

            Ferguson, Missouri was once the most peaceful town in the world, until now that is. Since it wasn’t quite time for the match to begin, Monseiur Mallah decided to steal some cigarillos from a convenience store for a little pre-match smoke. He and the brain began walking in the middle of the street smoking their newly acquired cigarillos. A caravan of transformers and misfits slowly trailed behind them waiting for them to move out of the way so that they could get to their fantasy match that was to begin soon. Eventually the local authorities were called, who politely asked the two to move aside.

“Excuse me gentlemen, but it appears as if you may be impeding traffic. It would be much appreciated if you could please step to the side so that they may get by.” Said the police officer.

This angered Monseiur Mallah, who immediately leaped at several of the officers beating them senseless. After killing a few and injuring others, the remaining officers opened fired in self-defense killing Monseiur Mallah.

Several of the locals began to take notice as his dead body lay bleeding in the street. Although they knew nothing of this being, they began to see a resemblance. They then looked up to see several Caucasoid police officers with smoking guns.

“A travesty!” The natives shouted. “He was unarmed and innocent!”. With no thinking left to do, the entire city’s population went on instinct and broke out into a riot. Stuck in a violent city the two teams began their match.

The Sardakaurs attempted to contain the natives but were quickly disposed of by guerrilla warfare tactics. The elephants got scared and ran away.

The numerous transformers on both teams decide to transform into robot mode only to find that many of their parts have been stolen or vandalized. The Junkeons, with all of their remaining parts transformed into a gestalt, Junkman, who is basically just a big garbage man with a garbage truck. They throw Black Lantern Cloverfield Monster in the back and hit the compact button, and then move down to the next house.

The matrix, set to go off in the darkest hour, realizes that every hour here is “dark” and immediately goes off, killing many of the combatants in its vicinity.

In the spirit of the videogame John Zacharski and Ric Flair team up to unrealistically dispose of a large quantity of foes without even getting hurt. Predator #49, the vampires, the griffins, sith lords, the thinking machines, Sith Lords, sparkplug witwicky, and Dark Side Master #6A, are systematically taken down by a series of kicks and punches, with a couple drop kicks and uppercuts thrown in for good measure. They then square off against the boss, Galvatron, but can’t figure out his pattern. Unfortunately for them they don’t have continues in this match.

Someone stuck a stick in the spoke of The Chief’s wheelchair who then falls ground flapping his only two functional limbs. No one helps him and his wheelchair is stolen.

As the battle rages on, Arnold Schwarzenegger shoots various weapons at just about everyone and stands on the corpses while being followed by a film crew. He is shooting his new film ‘Africa’, with Toto set to write the soundtrack. Unfortunately since their bassist died during this match they are just going to loop their song for the entire film.

Just like the game, most of the other fights turn out pretty much the same way. Eventually the dust settles and…..

Season 8: Week 4: Layanderletson's -vs- TEAM

Layanderletson’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are Mala on a Adult Sized Tricycle, Nexu #3, Stass Allie, Predator #47, Brass Dragon #8, Teddy Boy with a Magic Broomstick, Wario, Kingdom Come Lady Marvel, Daisy (Luigi’s Girlfriend) pulling Allia Atredides Ghola in a Radio Flyer Wagon, Ariana Dumbledore, Aberforth Dumbledore, Regulous Arctuturus Black, Rabastan Le Strange, Rodolphus Le Strange, Sam, Paul, Peeta Mellark with Jarnborn, King Edmund the Just, Queen Lucy the Valliant, Andrew Jackson Libby, Bendonner, Finn McCool, Carrie Bradshaw, Moltar, Grape Ape, Count Duckula, Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Evette, Arjan Darkscale, Groudious Maximus, Bagwa, Black Lantern Kyle Houslander, Zombie Zachary Houslander, Vampire Nick Houslander, Nichol Valdez with a jetpack, Sith Lavarouck & Blue Light Saber, Jedi Master #1B (Gary), Copper Dragon #9, Purple Dragon #23, Bronze Dragon #7, Wookie Soldier #46-50, Dark Jedi Master #1A-5A.

TEAM is Alpha Trion, Wreck-Gar, Junkeon #25 & #26, Gladiator Voltron #1-5, Luuke Skywalker, Yareal Poof, Depa Billaba, Billy Lee, Jimmy Lee, Heishiro Mitsurugi, Duke Nukem, Combaticons: Onslaught, Blast-Off, Swindle, Vortex & Brawl (All to form Bruticus), Ghanima Atreides, Lady Jessica, Chani, Duke Paulus Atreides, Hector with the Chaos Breaker, Zombie Pete Sosa, Zangler with a Proton Pack (Immell #13), General Thade with the Dark Ring, The Kurgan with the Sword of Darkness, Mr. Myiagi with a Katana, Leah, Seth, Jane, Felix, Sala with Bokken’s Backpack, Vampire Ryan Poteracki & Vampire Amy Poteracki and Compsagnathid #41-50.

You ever get involved in something so deeply, so all consuming that you actually forget about the world around you?

That has been where this watcher has been the past several weeks and though I had thought I was still part of this world, I have come to realize that I am sadly mistaken. I thought that even though I had been keeping this in the back of my mind that it would still be waiting for me when I eventually came back to it. In the case of this fight, I could not have been more wrong.

As I came upon the scene of The Raging City, it was nothing but a ruin. Not a single building left standing. Small fires still burning, but for the most part, just billowing smoke piles with corpses scattered around the former city.

As I went through the rubble and soot I saw nothing but the aftermath of what looked like a massive fight, a fight in which I saw nobody left to talk to.

The bodies of both teams lying everywhere in various states of decay, littering the landscape. This lonely walk continued until I came upon the voice of one man, a man who was muttering something to himself either out of some sort of PTSD state or just because he could find nothing else to comfort himself with.

His name was the Kurgan or at the very least I assume it is, as it is the only word he could seem to say. He held a sword that was broken in half, perhaps out of protection but I suspect it is mainly out of reflex. After spending time with the man he finally started to open up a bit, speaking in small fragments. “All at once” at first, then came “Only moments” “total destruction”, things of that nature. After a while, uttering these minute details, he started saying it was his team that started it, but that it was the others who ended it.

I left him alone for a bit, as it was apparent he was in severe shock. Again I walked around the city only seeing the wreckage of the fight. Severed heads, loose limbs and more metallic debris then I have ever seen in a small area covering the place. The broken head of Alpha Trion lying next to a broken spoke from a large Tricycle. Shattered Lightsaber housings everywhere the eye could see. Even the charred bodies of several dragons were barely recognizable in the aftermath of this battle.

Another hour passed as I tried to put together what had happened, only to be in the exact same place I had been when I arrived. There was something I could do, something that I do not like doing, mainly because I had very little control over it. At this point I was desperate.

As I walked over to the Kurgan I contemplated other avenues that I could try but soon it became quite obvious that there was no other choice but this one final option. I put my hands on the Kurgan’s head, looked at him face to face and told him to relax. To my surprise he was relaxed, he did not even flinch when I began, though that lasted mere seconds before he was screaming in agony as I combed through his broken mind in an attempt to find the answers I was searching for.

Immediately I began to see flashes of deeply buried memories, they were recent memories from what I could tell but deeply buried nonetheless. Time was moving in reverse as I could first see the destruction of the city with very few creatures, barely holding on for life. I could see witches and wizards ripping through robots like paper mache, lightsaber’s tearing through flesh everywhere I looked and one memory that kept on repeating of a sword that turned into a flash of light. Every time this memory flashed, there was nothing after it.

It took a while to put together which way in time this memory was happening but after multiple viewings of it, I came to understand this was the last thing the Kurgan saw before he was knocked out. Though it did not seem like he was merely knocked out. It was as if the blast killed him and everything else in its path. The flash, then nothing. Over and over again I watched this until I came to except it to be the end of the match.

So I decided to go back farther in the man’s memory. Everything in reverse was the way this was going to play for me. Dragon’s on the ground in a heap one moment, then to see them fly back up in the air in reverse. The blasts returning back into the gun’s from which they came. Snapped neck’s reforming into complete bone structures returning to the fights in which would eventually end their lives. Much of the death happened via telepathy from what I gathered as much of the TEAM members were deep in trance as the Kitty members writhed in pain.

Death and destruction in reverse is an interesting way to witness a battle, as it all seems less chaotic and more obvious in its motivation. The Kurgan was correct in one thing, this was not a long battle. Soon enough the city was back in working order, a single event starting and finishing everything all at once. An elder Transformer giving orders to an array of other robotic teammates all in agreement on what was to happen. A city surrounded by these robot’s, only to witness their simultaneous destruction that purposely set the entire cityscape ablaze without warning. It is impossible to tell what the motivation behind this arrangement was, but it seemed more calculated in regards to an offensive move then one out of defense.

All that I can say for sure though, is that this initial blast was the cause of the majority of the deaths in this fight. Only a hand full of magical creatures, telepath’s and dragons survived. Well them and the Kurgan, though he is obvious because it is his mind that I was scanning. After watching these events a multitude of times I came to this conclusion. The Transformers and robot’s used their bodies as bombs to destroy the city. This explosion killed most of the combatants in the fight on both sides.

After that, the magic creatures took out what little was left of the robot’s and one or two telepath’s. After that, the remaining telepath’s killed the magical creatures along with one or two lightsaber carrying warriors. The dragon’s fell to the ground from gun blasts from an unidentified weapon and the final surge of light came from a single sword, therefore ending the fight. How the Kurgan survived the fight is still up in the air.

As I ended my intrusion on the Kurgan’s mind, it was immediately apparent to me that he did not survive my review of the events. I gently set his body down on the ground, laying him to rest. Wishing I had not let my own selfish motivations be the cause of his death.

After an hour or so of studying the ruins I decided it was time for me to leave. As I was readying myself for departure though, I heard something coming from the direction from which I had come. I walked over to where I had left the Kurgan’s lifeless body only to see him sitting up and smiling at me. I was unsurprisingly confused at what I was seeing, but once I remembered who the man was it all became very clear.

He was the Kurgan and he was immortal. And despite the fact that I was here with him, only one thing was ever true in regards to his race, there could only be one and one was all that was left.