Friday, April 14, 2023

The Diddlers Vs. David BYRNE'S MEAT Suits

 Your vote has been requested for the following epic battle:


The Diddlers are Gandalf the White, Aquaman, Emperor Palpatine, Emperor Palpatine's Shuttle, The Guardians of the Galaxy: Star Lord, Gamora, Drax the Destroyer, Groot, Rocket Raccoon, Nebula, and Mantis, Iron Man, Adam Warlock, War Machine, Paul Maud Dib, Darth Bane, Jean Grey, Ice Man, Cyclops, Beast, and Archangel, The Red Lotus: Zaheer, Ghazan, P'Li, Ming Hua, Syndicate Maul, Naruto, T-1000, Loki, Shockwave, The Wampa, Autobot #1-3, Chinese I-Phone Factory Worker #1 in a Chinese Spy Balloon, Nick Hutchins w/ a BFG, and Donald Trump in a Penguin Suit.


David BYRNE'S MEAT Suits are Deadpool, Freddy Krueger, Benedict Arnold, Gary Habkirk, The Simpsons: Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie w/ Santa's Little Helper, The Noid, Air Bender #1-4, Yokkon, Pounce and Wingspan, Kosa-Yin Hadu, Pikachu, Nazgul #6 on Fell Beast, Omnius, Shao Kahn, Bolin, Maku, Pabu, Piplup, Unalaq, Desna, Eska, The Comedian, Nite-Owl, Silk Spectre, Ozymandias, and Rorschach, Denethor, Cody Jones, Sagat, Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, Capt. Caveman, Fred Rogers, Uruk Hai #1-10, Junkeon #1-10, Storm Trooper #1-5, Rocky Balboa, Vladimir Harkonen, Joe Biden, Easterling #1-10, Pee Wee Herman, Boss Nass, Capt.  Tarpals, The Jar Jar Heads (Elite group of Marine Gungans (Captain, Lt., 2nd Lt., Sgt., Corporal, Lance Corporal, Pvt. First Class, and 3 privates)),  and Gungan Soldier #1-10, Magwai #1-10, Norman Rockwell (w/ blue lightsaber), Robert Oswald, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Abe Lincoln, Big Bird and Snuffalufagus, Pope Emeritus Benedict in a suit of armor, Lewis and Clark w/ Saccajewa, Sandy from Sandy's, The Creeper, Serena & Manion Butler, Dr. Robert Neville and his dog, John Conner, and Axl Foley.

The Doctor's Madhouse Vs. The Underhills

 The Doctor's Madhouse is Dr. Manhattan, Ranx the Sentient City, Silver Surfer, Darth Vader, Abeloth, Brainiac Batman and Alfred (w/ double yellow lightsaber) in The Tumbler, Robin on the R-Cycle, Capt. America on his motorcycle, She-Hulk, Kid Flash, Ocean Master, Kit Fisto, Swamp Thing, Albus Dumbledore, Voldemort, Invincible (Mark Grayson), Atom Eve, Dupli-Kate, Robot, Rex Splode, Allen the Alien, Kryptonian #1-3, Yellow Lantern #3, Star Sapphire #2, & Mutant #1-3.


The Underhills are General Zod, Neo (w/ 2 blue lightsabers), Sauron (w/ The One Ring), Spider-Man, Incredible Hulk, Mogo, John Stewart, Green Lantern #1-5, Blue Lantern #1-2, Revan Reborn in First Order TIE Fighter, Excalibur: Capt. Britain, Meggan, Phoenix, Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, Lockheed, Widget, & Kylun, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight, Slingshot, & Air Raid, Blue Wizard #1-2, Radaghast the Brown, Norma Cenva, Starkiller in A TIE Interceptor, Hangman and Rooster w/ Vizzy in Ebon Hawk, and Xenomorph #1-5.


A battle for the ages.  The mutual respect once held between these two inter-division rivals has grown into pure hatred as they both attempt to attain a much yearned for Playoff Spot.   Well-matched in every aspect it would seem that these two teams were created to do battle with one another.  Each provides an answer to the other's questions while still showing strength to the power they oppose.  The match begins in an extremely unlikely way as Ranx: The Sentient City, the living, breathing mechanical yellow lantern fueled monstrosity and arguably the most member of The Madhouse is ratioed by his green lantern counter-part the much larger Mogo.  Despite having an initial weakness to the color yellow, Mogo is able to overpower Ranx in their deep space battle by using means of biological attacks to overcome the city of fear.  Mogo certainly feels negative effects from the battle; but does handedly come out on top.  

The Madhouse certainly seems to have the upper hand when it comes to the Sea as five Underhill Xenomorphs delve into the deep waters.  Despite the hearty aliens being barely hindered at all by the water that they move through with ease; Swamp Thing, Kit Fisto, and Ocean Master make short work of the creatures discovered on LB-426.  

General Zod is in the midst of a mountain leveling battle with Brainiac in the desert that will have to be revisited later.  

Invincible and the rest of his Guardians of the Globe initially find themselves under attack from above as Hangman and Rooster in the Ebon Hawk with Vizzy himself working the Ventral Gun and Starkiller acting as their wingman in his TIE Interceptor begin a strafing run on top of the city buildings' rooftops that they are occupying.  Although the former members of The Teen Team have to quickly shift gears to a melee battle as they realize that the two ships were largely a diversion.  They quickly enter into a pitched battle with the members of Excalibur as Widget teleports the entire team into their midst for a surprise attack.  Invincible punches a hole through Widget to insure that this would be Excalibur's last teleport, but Rachel Summers Phoenix quickly absorbs Rex Splode before he can do any real damage.  Nightcrawler BAMFS Dupli-Kate out of existence, while Shadowcat phases through Robot to disrupt his innards.  Allen the Alien is hit by a potent fire blast from the mouth of the little dragon alien Lockheed; but Atom Eve rearranges the physical molecules of Kylun with the wave of her hand, before Phoenix and Nightcrawler double team her with a combo of speed and raw power.  Invincible manages to physically overpower Excalibur's leader Capt. Britain and break his neck; but he is lastly defeated by the shape-shifting Meggan, who according to the silly Facebook Comic groups I am in has become some sort of O.P. god since I quit reading comics.  

Despite being a lifelong She-Hulk fan, The MCU has made me forget about how cool of a character she was once.  So, she just said some woke, feminist crap and then got instantly mind-blocked by Norma Cenva.  

Radaghast the Brown's underwear suddenly matched his robe when Silver Surfer flew into his presence at the speed of light and cosmic blasted him out of the woods.  But, in more wizard news the two blue wizards squared off against the unlikely team up of Voldemort and Dumbledore. The two Hogwarts grads worked together much better than expected.  Despite their hatred for one another, they new many of the same tricks and were able to overpower the two Blue Wizards.  

Mutant #1-3, work together to use their powers of super strength, energy projection, and winged flight; but their powers are not enough to stand against the five Aerialbots, who blast them to bits from the sky in their jet forms before transforming into their robot modes and then merging to form Superion.  

Revan Reborn moves through the skies of The Play-off Planet at amazing speeds, guided by his Force Sensitivity.  He targets Robin on his motorcycle from the air and takes him out with a mag-pulse warhead.  The TIE is then quickly hit by a surface to air missile fired as a counter-measure from the Tumbler.  Revan then ejects out of The TIE and uses his Force Powers to carefully glide himself down to the top of the still moving Tumbler.  Batman and Alfred move the armored Batmobile swiftly and wildly, but they are still unable to shake Revan from the top.  Revan ignites his lightsaber and begins cutting a hole in the top of the vehicle destroying its integrity, causing Batman and his butler to eject, thus beginning the melee battle we have been waiting for.  Alfred ignites both parts of his double-bladed lightsaber, but despite having some skill with the yellow blades is taken out quickly by Revan.  Batman jumps into the fray though and has no trouble blocking the saber swings from Revan with his armor, especially since Batman had the chance to analyze Alfred's Saber and up his defenses.  Revan makes a fatal error and allows Batman to get in too close.  Bruce then dodges a lightsaber swing and delivers a Batarang into the neck of the Force Expert.  

The five other Green Lanterns follow close behind John Stewart, while their two blue lantern counterparts follow behind them, charging their green power rings to 200%.  They have the numbers advantage; but quickly realize that their power may not be on par with that of their competitors when they are approached by both Abeloth and Dr. Manhattan.  Stewart goes headlong for Manhattan while the others attempt to surround Abeloth.  John and the crew put up a valiant fight; but they simply do not have the strength to overpower such a duo.

Hulk sees his old buddy Cap and decides that he needs to smash the tiny Avenger Leader.  But Cap has a new team with him and is able to match Hulk's strength with his trio of Kryptonians backing him up.  With perfectly timed and precise attacks being called out by Cap the Kryptonians are able to weaken Hulk enough to cause him to revert back to his human form as Dr. Banner and allow Cap to deliver a Vibranium shield to his cranium.  Only one of the three Kryptonians (#2) survived their battle with the green giant.  

Spider-Man attempted some witty banter with Lord Vader, whilst leaping around; but the Dark Lord of the Sith ended him quick with a wicked Force Choke.  

The Madhouse's Yellow Lantern and Star Sapphire thought they had some pretty wicked powerful rings; but they realized what true power was in this arena as they were quickly stomped by Sauron.  Their own rings absorbed by the Power of the ring meant to rule all.

The speed of Kid Flash proved very annoying to Neo, who missed twice with his lightsaber before removing the head of the young Wally West.  

A tired out Zod allows himself a deep breath after finally being able to snap the neck of Brainiac after their extremely pitched battle.

Outside the atmosphere of The Play-Off Planet, The Ebon Hawk and Starkiller's TIE Interceptor are desperately attempting to finish The Silver Surfer; but they simply cannot seem to connect with anything strong enough to take him out.  The Surfer decides to turn the tides and go on the offensive and initially does so, by blasting himself, surf board and all directly through the hull of The TIE Interceptor.  Hangman and Rooster are able to make some incredible evasive maneuvers against the attacks of Silver Surfer and are even able to put the ship in position for Vizzy to be able to land some shots with their proton torpedoes; but they simply will not put the Surfer out of commission.  The Surfer conjures up a potent blast of cosmic energy and blowing the Ebon Hawk to oblivion.  

Norma Cenva is unimpressed by the sheer physical strength of Kryptonian #2 as she melts his brain into goo; but is caught off guard by a perfectly aimed cheap shot from Ol' Steve Rogers which puts her down for good.  

Lockheed loves to follow the strong horse and gladly becomes a mini-fell beast to Sauron the Deciever himself, once the little dragon becomes separated from his buddies in Excalibur.  Dumbledore and Voldemort, the reluctant partners have stayed together in the fight thus far and attempt to team up on The Lord of Mordor.  Dumbledore whispers:  "Ratio" under his breath as he sees Voldemort, blood-lusted and offended by someone else claiming to be The Dark Lord falls to the gauntlet laden hands of Sauron.  Sauron then turns his attention to Dumbledore, whom he knocks to the ground.  A dizzied and near dead Dumbledore rolls over to see the elusive Sword of Griffendore underneath a large rock.  Albus pulls out the sword and swings it wildly at Sauron cutting off the ring and having Sauron join him in death as his heavy boot comes down on the wizard to finish him off.  

The remaining members of Excalibur: Nightcrawler, Phoenix, Shadowcat, and Meggan venture into the water in an attempt to take out the Madhouse Members who have been residing there since the commencement of the match.  Meggan shifts into her true amphibian like form and easily moves through the water as Kitty Pryde phases through the water in her non-tangible form.  Nightcrawler attempts to help as he teleports about but is unable to do any real damage to Ocean Master, Master Fisto, or Swamp Thing.  This battle works its way to a stale mate, until Phoenix dives into the ocean and unleashes her full Phoenix Force Power.  Rachel Summers, who typically handles the mighty power of the Phoenix a bit better than her mother Jean Grey succumbs to the urge and boils the Sea of the Play-Off Planet killing not only her three water opponents, but her three teammates and herself as well.  

High above the Forest area, Superion takes flight and meets Abeloth who attempts to focus her Force energy at the massive Autobot Gestalt.  But Superion is able to break through the wave of power and  work over The Mother of Mortis with a combo of earth shaking metal fists and massive energy gun blasts.  

General Zod and Neo move in towards Darth Vader while the former Anakin Skywalker's teammate Dr. Manhattan flies out of the atmosphere to see if he can single handedly take on the planet known as Mogo.  Vader manages to put up quite a fight against the duo, proving himself to be not only the better of the two swordsmen against Neo, but also able to withstand both the heat vision and physical strength of Zod with his mastery of the living Force. Had it not been a two on one fight, Vader would have most certainly prevailed this day; but once Zod and Neo put their heads together, they were able to end The Dark Lord once and for all.  Up in space, Dr. Manhattan proved that his ability to destroy the vegetation and life of a planet was equal to his ability to create one from nothing.  As Manhattan flies back to earth to rejoin his team, he leaves Mogo a lifeless shell floating throughout space.  

Dr. Manhattan regroups with his only surviving teammembers Captain America and Silver Surfer as they plan their final push against The Underhills.  Dr. Manhattan is unhurt by the lightsaber attacks and punches of Neo and Zod that go right through him.  Manhattan then solidifies himself just briefly enough to grow to a massive size and rip the Kryptonian General Zod in half.  Neo, seeing that Manhattan cannot be defeated through conventional means, slips deep into a trance and rips Manhattan completely out of existence.  Silver Surfer uses every bit of strength he has both cosmic and physical to blast through Superion's chest destroying not only the formed Gestalt; but the five sparks of the individual Aerialbots as well.  The Surfer is thrown from his board after this victory where he falls at the feet of Neo who is able to deliver a flurry of punches to the chrome armored mortal with such speed and velocity that even The Surfer himself could not see coming.  As The Surfer dies from his wounds, Neo is at a point of total exhaustion.  Capt. America with his inability to ever give up leaps into action and attacks Neo with a flurry of melee attacks from fist, foot, and shield.  Neo, now unable to focus power outside the Matrix is simply using his Kung Fu skills and lightsaber ability to ward off Cap's attacks.  Cap breaks one of Neo's lightsabers, while a near dead Neo slices off the left leg of Captain America.  Cap leaps toward Neo with his one remaining leg, knocks the lightsaber from Neo's hand with a last swing of his shield, catches the lit saber, and uses it to cut off the head of Neo, just as Lockheed was blowing a blast of fire and biting the jugular of Steve Rogers......... 

Monday, April 10, 2023

Week 5 Staff Consortium: Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolypse vs The NAZA

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolypse: Darkseid, Supergirl, Superboy, Apocolypse, Agent Smith w/ 2 White Lightsabers, Granny Goodness and The Female Furies: Bloody Mary, Stompa, Mad Harriet, and Lashina, Poseidon, Sarumon The White, Red Robin, Miss Martian, Wonder Girl, The Flash, Juggernaut, Megatron, Seaworms #8-10, Wedge in his X-Wing, Biggs in his X-Wing, He-Man and Battlecat, Legends Leia Organa Solo and C-3PO, and Eric Cartmen in a Hulk Buster Iron Man Suit

NAZA: The Doom Patrol: Mento, Negative Man, Elastic-Girl, Robot Man, and Changling, The Suicide Squad: Amanda Waller, Harley Quinn, Killer Frost, King Shark, Alan Scott, and Bloodsport, The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, The Thing, Human Torch in the Fantastic Car, The Sinister Six: Carnage, Green Goblin, Venom, Doctor Octopus, Rhino, and Sandman, The OG Guardizyns of Galaxy: Yondu, Charlie-27, Vance Astro, Starhawk, Martinix, Nikki, and Aleta, Ash Ketchum, Darkrai, Arseus, Giratina, Lugia, Kyogre, Regigas, Rayquaza, Kyurem, Dialga, Palkia, Alpha Trion, Ultra Magnus, Hot Spot, Streetwise, Blades, Groove, First Aid, Darth Traya, Darth Nihilus, Darth Sion, Omni Man, Mr. Mxyzptlk, Talahasse, Columbus, Witchita, and Little Rock w/ the White Sword in the Zombieland Hummer, Sandworms #1-6

Saturday, April 8, 2023

Week 5 Democracy: Dolla 49 McRib vs TEAM

Dolla 49 Mcrib is Doomsday, Bizarro Superman, Wonderwomen, Steppenwolf, Dr Strange and Wong, Fin Fang Foom, Manderin, Anti Monitor, Dr Fate, Sentry, Darth Malak w/ Anti Life Equation, Spectre, Dr Midnight, Hourman, Starman, Optimus Prime w/ The Matrix of Leadership, and Ares

TEAM is Unicron, Primus, Ego, God Emperor Leto, Thanos and Maw, Thunderstrike, Soundwave and his tapes: Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Lazerbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Garboil, Glit, Enemy, and Howlback, The Constructicons; Merge to Form Devastator: Hook, Bonecrusher, Mixmaster, Long Haul, and Scrapper, Onslaught, Brawl, Blast Off, Swindle and Vortex, Motormaster, Dragstrip, Dead End, Breakdown, and Wild Rider, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Appa, Momo, Tenzin, Conner Weidman in Conner's Mazda. Yellow Lantern #1, and Phibian #1

Monday, April 3, 2023

2023 Week 4: League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen vs Underhills

League of Extraordinary Hetersexual Gentlemen: Superman, Martian Manhunter, Magneto, Ultron, Commander Ahsoka Tano in TIE Fighter, General Kenobi in A-Wing, Lando and Lobot in Imperial Shuttle, Skylynx, T-X, Thrust, Homelander, Ajax and Beowulf in TIE Reaper

Underhills: General Zod, Neo w/ 2 Blue Lightsabers, Mogo, Aerial Bots combined into Superion, John Stewart, Green Lantern #1-5, Blue Lantern #1-2, Rooster and Hangman in Ebon Hawk, Revan Reborn in TIE Interceptor, Starkiller in X-Wing, Darth Talon in First Order TIE Fighter, Phoenix (Rachel Summers), Meggan, Raven, Transformers #1-5, Xenomnorph Alien #1-20, Sith Marauder #1 in Resistance X-Wing, Sith Marauder #2-

First and foremost, Magneto is present so… hold up, let’em cook. Don’t hate the writer here, it’s just how the match happened, I can’t do anything about it. He has cooked, and the following are now Rest in Pieces: Aerial Bots, Rooster and Hangman in Ebon Hawk, Starkiller in X-Wing, Darth Talon in First Order TIE Fighter (cause in poo-poo empire spaceship), Transformers #1-5, Sith Marauder #1-3, Skylynx, T-X, Thrust, and Magneto (accidentally caught a stray from himself). Also, don't question the logistics of this, it just happened.

Now, onto the rest of the match with a little less pesky metal moving about. We’ll take our omnipresent eye and focus it on The Underhills who set up camp on their teammate, Mogo. General Zod, a maniacal mastermind, has taken the reigns of The Underhills squad as the team is on a deep space exploration of the universe. At this time, Ultron is also leading The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen (LEHG) on a space exploration. Ahsoka Tano’s home planet, Shili, is riddled with blight and it’s not looking good long-term. LEHG decided to help the Togruta species find a new home. Lucky for them, a wormhole was placed within close distance to Shili. Ultron leads the team through the wormhole in hopes of a habitable planet on the other side… 

To LEHG’s delight, they exit out of the wormhole to a large green planet before them. It seems very promising for the Togruta that they may have a habitable world. LEHG descends onto the planet to take a closer look. As they approach, Revan Reborn intercepts the squad in his TIE interceptor (get it… cause he intercepts in an interceptor… get it?). He calls out on the radio, “This planet is off limits to everyone, you must halt your approach and turn around or you will be met with violence.” Unfortunately, with how all political communication in the modern world seems to go, LEHG does not receive the message and continue their approach. Revan no longer waits and pushes forward to shoot down the A-Wing. General Kenobi, a decent flier with added force powers is able to dodge the first attack. However, the shots catch Lando and Lobot in the Imperial Shuttle. On Revan’s second flyby, he catches shots onto the A-Wing, damaging the shields but not a fatal hit. Instead, Homelander heat visions through one of Revan’s wings and causes him to crash into a mountain. The destruction above catches the attention of The Underhills and it appears that LEHG is attacking Mogo. But of course, LEHG sees it as The Underhills attacking them. Quite the predicament.

Nonetheless, Homelander continues his advance after taking out the Reborn force user. He is met with Neo, the chosen one, wielding two blue lightsabers. Homelander, in his arrogant and vicious mentality, regards Neo as but a petty human. Neo can’t possibly be a match to the mighty Homelander, the super powerful Superman rip-off with an added sense of Gen Z mental issues. Although, it doesn’t matter because Neo has already split Homelander in two with his wicked glow sticks. Meanwhile, the Xenomorphs are being treated like firing squad victims from the ships piloted by Ahsoka Tano, Kenobi, and Ajax/Beowulf. Phoenix sees this and realizes she needs to provide air support. Kenobi’s A-Wing is made quick work, considering his shields were already damaged. Phoenix then takes out Ahsoka’s ship while Ajaz/Beowulf decide to kamikazee into Phoenix. Luckily, Ahsoka was able to bail out before her ship was destroyed. At the same time, John Stewart along with the Green and Blue Lanterns are able to subdue Ultron through the help of Mogo, boosting the power of the Green Lanterns. They are able to place him in a prison, not unlike what Parallax was put in.

By now, General Zod has put together a plan to take out Superman. Who else would it involve other than Lois Lane. Superman approaches Zod to realize he is holding Lois captive, “Don’t do this Zod, let her go.” Zod responds with a simple answer… he snaps Lois’ neck. Zod, unfortunately, did not understand the result this would give in Superman. Instead of crippling from sadness, all Superman could see was red. Without hesitation, he flies straight through Zod, detaching his head from the rest of his body. The Green and Blue Lanterns attempt to subdue Superman like they did Ultron… there was no chance for them, Superman has started to kill anything in sight.

The Martian Manhunter sees what Superman is doing and he tells Ahsoka to leave, as fast as she can telling her to return to Shili and never come back here. They find her a spare ship and she flies towards the wormhole they arrived in.

Raven tells John Stewart and Neo to give her as much time as they can spare. Mogo decides he can help too, and makes his entrance into the fight, and he recognizes the Martian lifeform traveling along the planet. Mogo remembers it like it was yesterday when the Guardians gave the Martians a genetic fear of fire due to their unmatched power. All he needed to do was create a ring of fire around the Martian Manhunter and bam, he’s subdued for the fight.

John, returning to battle, notices something odd about Lois’ body… its changing shape back into… Meggan! Stewart realizes that Lois isn’t actually dead and his old friend Superman needs to realize this before he kills everything in sight. It’s too late though, Superman dashes to John Stewart and puts a hand through his chest. In his last gasps of air he tells Superman, “Lois… isn’t dead… it was a… shapeshifter…” Superman pauses, confused at what he’s heard. He flies back to Lois’ body only to realize his old friend was right, Lois isn’t dead. A wave of relief comes over him, but he starts to see the destruction around him and is struck with sorrow. This moment of pause is all Raven needed, John Stewart had provided her enough time to use her magic powers to conjure a kryptonite kyber crystal and tosses it to Neo. He swaps it into one of his Lightsabers and throws it directly into Superman’s back.

For some reason, Mogo stopped the fire. It was plenty of time for the Martian Manhunter to swoop into Neo. Neo, thinking the battle is one, doesn’t see the Martian approach him. Neo’s neck didn’t survive the encounter. The Martian switches direction towards Raven, but she simply teleports him to a hellscape for him to spend the rest of his eternity in fire…


Week 4 Consortium: David Byrne's Meat Suits vs Doctor's Madhouse

David Byrne's Meat Suits: Galactus and herald David Byrne, Hal Jordan, Captain Kirk, Enterprise Commander, Enterprise Lieutenants, Enterprise Crew members 1-5 all in the USS Enterprise, The Leader in the Mario 2 spaceship, Guy Gardner, Atrocitus, Nite Owl, The Comedian, Silk Spectre, Ozymandius, Rorschach, Freddy Krueger, Omnius, Reverse Flash, Vladimir Harkonen, Stormtroopers 1-20, Pounce and Wingspan, Junkeons 1-9, Big Bird and Snuffalufagus, Deadpool, Deathstroke, Chip and Dale

Doctors Madhouse: Brainiac w/ Brainiac’s Skull Ship, Darth Vader w/ Darth Vader’s TIE Fighter, Jango Fett w/ Slave I, Padme Amidala w/ Naboo Starfighter, Clone Troopers #1-10 w/ Republic Shuttle, SHIELD Agents #1-10 w/ Quinjet, John and Ted w/ Y-Wing, Ranx The Sentient City, Dr Manhattan, Silver Surfer, Abeloth, Captain Marvel, Nova (Richard Rider), Hancock, Kryptonian #1-3, Yellow Lantern Ring #3, Parademon #1-6

The Sigmaz Vs. TEAM

 The Sigmaz are Edrik and Suerat in The Dream Voyager, Vorian Atreides in a Sith Fighter, Samus in a flying saucer, Goku, Mega Man and Rush, Master Chief in a Naboo Starfighter, The Terminator (3), The Dino-bots:  Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Snarl, & Swoop, Six Shot, Sunstorm, The Unambomber in an Iron Man Suit, Odin, Kratos, Atreus, & Fenrir, Tokka & Razhar, The Shredder, Wakandan #1-6, Domestic Terrorist #1-6, Goblin #1-6, and The Super Tenga Toppa Gurren Lagann commanded by Malcom X (in a Vibranium Suit, w/ a green lightsaber) & Barack Obama.


TEAM is Unicron, Primus, Ego, Thunderstrike, Soundwave w/ Rumble, Frenzy, ravage, Laerbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Wingthing, Garboid, Glit, Howlback, & Enemy, The Constructicons:  Hook, Bonecrusher, Mixmaster, Long Haul, Scrapper, & Scavenger, The Combaticons:  Onslaught, Brawl, Blast-Off, Swindle, & Vortex, The Stunticons:  Motor Master, Drag Strip, Dead End, Breakdown, & Wild Rider, Reece & Darrin and John Wisz w/ Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad in an Enterprise Shuttle.  





    Malcom X stands proudly at the bridge of The Super Tenga Toppa Gurren Lagann as The Sigmaz patiently await his promised oration to the troops.  They stand at attention as Malcom approaches the microphone.  A microphone that is barely required as one could hear a pin drop as they silently clamor for instruction from their fearless leader.  Not a solitary hair is without standing up on the arms and necks of The Sigmaz as Malcom begins:  

  "My fellow Sigmaz, the time has come for us to take on a battle the likes of which many of you have never dreamed.  We face an enemy whose reputation for success is matched only by their historic brutality and sheer evil.  We shall be tested this day, in the unending night sky of the final frontier known as space.  The powers that be in this corrupt, morally bankrupt, and rigged matrix of control have hailed the arrogantly titled TEAM as the single greatest space force that has ever been created.  They say that they cannot possibly be defeated.  They would have you believe that today's match pairing was done at random, that before the rosters were created this schedule was already predetermined and that this was not orchestrated as a deliberate conspiracy to destroy our honorable and most holy goal of liberation.  But we as Sigmaz know better.  We see through the lies of the League and know that they wish to destroy us.  They underestimate our strength, they underestimate our resolve, and they underestimate our willingness to do what must be done.  We launch today in the single most powerful ship to ever be introduced into The FFL.  The Super Tenga Toppa Gurren Lagann will vaporize anything this league, this universe and this so called tEAM has to offer.  You....  You ALL.  YOU Sigmaz.......  You shall be witnesses.  Our plan is without flaw.  Our strategy without blemish.  And our will without weakness.  Today we retake what should have always been ours.  We strike out, not simply against tEAM; but against a system that would have us be slaves.  None of us chose this fight; but it is upon us and we shall seize this day as recompense for the slights against us.  Remember my troops, my friends, my Sigmaz.....  That.....  WE DID NOT LAND UPON THE FANTASY FANTASY LEAGUE.  THE FANTASY FANTASY LEAGUE, LANDED ON US".  

The vast halls of the Sigmaz headquarters erupt with cheers and applause as Malcom X drops the microphone and the crew prepares for take off.  As Malcom finishes putting on his vibranium suit, he turns to his left and sees a beautifully maincured Nubian hand reaching out to him holding his solid tungsten lightsaber, marked with a large white X.  His protege Barack as he hands Malcom his lightsaber says:  "We shall be Kings once more, My Liege".  

The entire Sigmaz Squad, the ships included begin the skirmish inside The STTGL; but as they approach TEAM Territory, The Dream Voyager, Sith Fighter, Flying Saucer, Naboo Starfighter, Swoop, Sunstorm, and Six Shot in his Jet Form exit the massive STTGL and take flanking positions as they break into attack formation.      

Unicron senses the danger approaching.  "No one defies Unicron" he says aloud; but for a brief second thinks to himself *Or do they*......  The massive Transformer planet even reaches out to his ever dormant brother Primus, telling him it is time for his transformation, so they may fight against this encroaching foe together once more; but the massive metal, Transformer god still waits in his planet form for one to truly be a threat to his existence.   

Malcom's plan is a direct one.  He knows that The STTGL is unmatched in its space power; but that even it, cannot be in two places at once.  Which is why only he and Barack are privy to the last stage of their plan.  As The STTGL moves against some of the Galaxy Dominators of TEAM, He and Barack themselves will make a calculated strike at the spark of Unicron and take him out themselves.  A truly daring and dangerous mission that the activist turned team leader simply cannot entrust to anyone but himself.  To begin, the plan could not possibly have been executed better.  The massive living planet known as Ego, has moved into the same Solar System as Primus in an attempt to awake the sleeping giant that can surely bring about the demise of even The STTGL itself.  If and only if Primus decides to come out of his state of dormancy and actually transform from the planet form he has retained for several million years into either his mythical spaceship or monstrous robot forms.  While The STTGL moves into position, several other skirmishes break out around the larger battle at hand.  The Constructicons merge to form Devastator and naturally begin battling with one of their arch enemies The Dino-bots.  The Dino-bots have an amazing knack of finding a way to hang with any opponent no matter the power scale; but we all have seen the original 80s Transformer movie and know what goes down when they try to take out Devastator (Wait......  Everyone reading this has seen the original cartoon Transformers Movie.......  Right???  If they have not, it is required viewing to be in this league and need to promptly schedule an appointment to view it at Josh's House on its intended VHS form ASAP).  Anyway, the battle may be taking place on an errant asteroid in space, instead of earth but the outcome is the same as Devastator takes out the five Dino-bots complete with dinosaur robot eye-popping action.  With the destruction of the Dino-bots, Malcom orders all available, space-worthy troops to deploy from The STTGL and do as much damage as possible.  He realizes that he puts their lives severely at risk by doing this; but he views this as a necessary sacrifice to the cause.  No single Sigmaz life is worth more than cause, and the cause requires victory.  Victory he plans to achieve today.  Thunderstrike brings the hammer down on Goku with authority; but is then ratioed by his old man Odin with a proverbial god-spanking.  Six Shot and Sunstorm blast out of formation with the other ships; but find that despite their significant Transformer power, that they can't exactly hang with TEAM in that arena.  They witness Soundwave eject all fourteen of his cassettes; but before they can even deal with that they are each crushed by a massive Gestalt.  Six Shot is capable of fighting toe to toe with any Transformer out there; but still wasn't enough to take down all five Stunticons once they merged to form Menasor, the same scenario played out as The Combaticons merged to form Bruticus and took out Sunstorm despite his potent solar blasts.  Darrin, Reece, J-Dub, and Kyle's Homeboy Frank's Dad are partying it up in the Enterprise Shuttle that they barely know how to fly; but luckily they have enough booze on board to get their butthouse on.  Darrin works the guns and is able to take out several errant goblins and domestic terrorists who are free-floating about, while Reece attempts to work the flight controls.  As Maker's Mark, Bush Light, and fresh ash from cigars and other lightable smoke treats flip about the small hull of the shuttle they come to the adept conclusion that spinning is most certainly NOT flying; but it is a good trick.  Master Chief flies in fast in his Naboo Starfighter in an attempt to take out Soundwave; but before he can reach the O.G. Decepticon G.O.A.T., he and his ship are engaged by Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, and Wingthing.  Master Chief is able to target Wingthing and take him out with two proton torpedos, but cannot repeat the feat and is destroyed by Laserbeak and Buzzsaw.  The gods of old test their skills against the advanced science of Cybertron and find that in this particular setting their power set may be lacking.  Bruticus as if to make an example quickly breaks the neck of the huge Wolf Fenrir, knocking Kratos and Atreus from his back.  But the two powerhouses fight back and are actually able to break apart the Gestalt into its five smaller parts, killing Onslaught and Brawl in the process.  Devastator and Menasor are able to team up on Odin to take him out; and then continue the team up, while they aid the remaining Combaticons against The god of War and his son, who despite engaging a pitched battle with the combiners eventually fall to their might.  Mega Man and Rush are taken out by Rumble, Frenzy, and Enemy in a fight that would make this writer's wildest nerd dreams come true if it were to happen engage in a wicked throw down with Mega Man and Rush.  Trust me when I tell you, that it takes a really long time and that once this epic story is turned into a movie it will be a cinematic masterpiece.  But until then for all intents and purposes just know that Rumble and his two robot/cassette/dude/brothers were able to take out the boy Mega Man and his dog.  Vorian Atreides in his Sith Fighter managed to obliterate Howlback and Garboid; but once Squawktalk and Beastbox merged to form the mini-gestalt Squawkbox, the Butlerian pilot's reign of Decepticon terror came to a close.  The Dream Voyager and its crew were ordered by Malcom himself to get in close to the living planet of Ego, but they were unaware that they, like much of this battle were merely a diversion set in place to achieve Malcom's goal of the absolute destruction of TEAM through unconditional victory.  Edrik and Suerat are both did in as their ship is sucked in by the botanical defenses of the planet.  Samus blasts Slugfest out of the air (or lack there of); but has special orders known only to her by Malcom X himself.  So she circles back in her Flying Saucer in t a secret hatch in the rear of The STTGL.  The Unabomber received a similar order for his ears only and circled back to said rendezvous point after deploying blasts from his Iron Man Suit to blow up both Glit and Buzzsaw.  The third Terminator managed to make his way to do battle with Soundwave himself, while the rest of Soundwave's tape buddies took out the remaining goblins and domestic terrorists along with Wakandan #3-6.  The Terminator was able to put a couple of decent sized dents in Soundwave, but eventually came up short before he was able to do any permanent damage.  

Inside the STTGL, Malcom and Barack lead a small contingent of a command crew to the secret hatch in the back of the massive ship.  Only the black power duo, Shredder, and their two most trusted African bodyguards, Wakandan #1 & 2 exit the emergency shaft with them and enter the small flying saucer piloted by Samus.  They are joined by the Unabomber as well, as his terrorist specialties may yet be required if Malcom's master plan is to come to fruition.  Once on board, Malcom orders Samus to get as far away from The STTGL as possible.  Tokka and Razhar were left on board with the job to "start pressing these big buttons" once things start shaking.  The flying saucer gains distance from The Sigmaz Mother Ship as The STTGL slowly moves in-between the two sentient planets known as Ego and Primus.  Once Ego and Primus begin to engage the ship with automatic defensive counter-measures The STTGL begins rattling, causing the two not so bright mutants Tokka and Razhar to start to freak out and begin slamming on buttons triggering the self destruct of The Super Tenga Toppa Gurren Lagann causing the hugest explosion ever recorded and taking both Primus and Ego out in the process.  

Now.  With Primus and Ego destroyed, only one final leg of the plan need be executed.  Only Malcom X, Barack Obama, The Shredder, Wakandan #1 & 2, The Unabomber, and Samus remain for The Sigmaz.  Piled in together in a solitary Flying Saucer, these brave remaining Sigmaz will attempt to carry out Malcom's plan of travelling to the nearby galaxy, then perfectly performing a strafing run that will lead to a well-aimed strike that will then destroy the spark of Unicron and bring victory to The Sigmaz.  

The enormous Unicron awaits his attackers, already in robot form and prepared for the attempt on his life.  Samus, now with a perfect view of the Planet Transformer navigates the saucer swiftly and she begins to move into position for their attack run.  She takes a deep breath and murmers just loud enough for the inhabitants of the ship to hear:  "They wuz kings"........  

And with that Unicron swung his gargantuan hand in a downward motion and smashed the flying saucer into scrap.

Hold up.....  Wait a second.  You all didn't really think Malcom X in a flying saucer was going to take out Unicron....  Did you?? 

Sunday, April 2, 2023

S14 Week 4: Washington Redskins vs Dolla 49 McRib

Washington Redskins are: Omega Supreme, Larfleeze, Sinestro w/ The White Lantern Ring, Indigo One and Monk, Saint Walker, Black Lantern #1-2, Thundercracker w/ Buster, Skywarp, Allicon #10, Sodom Yat, Star Sapphire: Carol Ferris, The Silver Hawks:. Colonel Bluegrass (pilot) w/ Sideman, Quicksilver w/ Talleyhawk, Steelwill w/ Rayzor, Steelheart w/ Strong Hold, and Copper Kid w/ Mayday in The Marage, The Leprechaun, Chuck Norris, The Arc Troopers (Arc Trooper Captain, two lieutenants, Heavy Weapons expert, and the six Arc Troopers) w/ Professor Charles Xavier, Wolverine, and Jedi Master #10 in a U-Wing, Asajj Ventress in an Arc Fighter, Jedi Master #9 in an Arwing, Star Sapphire #1

Dolla 49 McRib is: the living tribunal, bizzaro superman, dr fate, spectre, anti monitor, sentry, dr.midnight, mr terrific, starman, mewtwo, zeus, dr.stange, wong, xavier harkonnen, 3 harkonnen soldiers


The battle began with a sudden burst of energy from Larfleeze, the Orange Lantern, as he unleashed a powerful beam of energy that struck Zeus, the king of the gods. Zeus retaliated with a bolt of lightning, but Larfleeze absorbed the energy and used it to enhance his own powers and obliterate the god of thunder. Dr. Midnight and Sentry swooped in to help but Larfleeze proved to be too powerful for both Sentry and Dr. Midnight, easily overpowering them with his immense strength and the overwhelming force of his Orange Lantern Ring. With a flurry of energy blasts and constructs, he swiftly defeated both heroes.Meanwhile, Chuck Norris and the two Black Lanterns engaged in a fierce hand-to-hand combat with Dr. Fate, who wielded powerful magic. Chuck Norris landed a powerful punch on Dr. Fate, but the sorcerer was able to deflect the attack with a magical shield. In retaliation, Dr. Fate conjured a powerful spell that sent Chuck Norris hurtling through space and then quickly turned his attention to the black lanterns, and dispatched them.

Asajj Ventress and the U-wing of Arc Troopers and crew engaged in a dogfight with Spectre and Anti-Monitor. Asajj Ventress proved to be a skilled pilot, outmaneuvering the two villains with ease. However, the tide turned when Anti-Monitor unleashed a powerful blast of anti-matter energy that shot a hole in the Arc Troopers' ship and all members were shot into the vacuum of space. Asajj Ventress was distracted by the exploding ship of her teammates that gave Spectre plenty of time to destroy her ship and her in it. While blinded by fury and hatred, Spectre doesn’t see Saint Walker coming in for the attack. He channels the power of hope (whatever the hell that is) to create a massive construct that envelopes Spectre and weakens him. With Spectre weakened, Saint Walker channels the power of hope once again to deal a final blow, shattering Spectre's form.

After defeating Spectre, Saint Walker looks to help the rest of his arial squad who are trying to take out the Anti-Monitor. Jedi Master #9’s Ar-wing was easily swatted away by Anti-Monitor when Thundercracker, buster and Skywarp come in to help Saint Walker. The Anti-Monitor was set to throw a burst of cosmic energy but Sinestro came just in time to block it with his white lantern ring causing the blast to backfire and kill himself. Some Redskins were lost in the battle but Sinestro and Saint Walker were able to take off and fight in other battles.
 
At the same time, Xavier Harkonnen and his soldiers along with Mewtwo, Starman and Mr.terrific clashed with Carol Ferris, The Leprechaun, Sodom Yat and Star Sapphire #1. The soldiers were armed with advanced weapons and were able to hold their own against the two heroes. However, their technology was no match for the power of the White Lantern Ring wielded by Sinestro, who flew in to aid his comrades. Sinestro unleashed a powerful blast of energy that obliterated the Redskin soldiers but also took out his teammates as collateral damage.

Meanwhile, the Living Tribunal, one of the most powerful beings in the universe, faced off against Omega Supreme and the Silver Hawks. The Silver Hawks used their advanced technology and weaponry to attack the Living Tribunal, but their attacks had no effect on the cosmic entity. Omega Supreme tried to strike the Living Tribunal with his powerful weapons, but the Living Tribunal was able to deflect the attacks with ease.

The Living Tribunal retaliated with a powerful blast of energy that destroyed the Silver Hawks' ships and sent them hurtling through space. Omega Supreme was still standing, but even he was no match for the Living Tribunal's might. The Living Tribunal unleashed a final blast of energy that destroyed Omega Supreme.

In another quadrant of space, many of the combatants have reassembled from prior battles. Bizarro Superman's incredible strength and durability allowed him to withstand all of Larfleeze's attacks, leaving him struggling to find a way to defeat him. Dr. Fate's magical powers proved to be a formidable obstacle for Saint Walker and Indigo One, as he was able to neutralize their abilities and prevent them from using their powers to their full potential. Meanwhile, Wong's expert martial arts skills proved to be too much for Monk to handle, leaving him unable to flank their opponents or provide support to his teammates. Despite their best efforts, only Dr. Strange remained, having used his mastery of the mystic arts to overpower the remaining members of both teams. His powers allowed him to manipulate reality itself, and he was able to neutralize Larfleeze's constructs and defeat Saint Walker and Indigo One. As soon as he stood victorious in this battle, he was instantly cut in two by Sinestro heading to a final standoff.

The battle was down to its last two combatants. I just realized Allicon #10 hasn’t made an appearance so let's just say that as he is watching this final battle between Sinestro and Living Tribunal, his mind was melted due to its total awesomeness.

Sinestro wasted no time as he flew in to face the Living Tribunal, wielding the power of the White Lantern Ring. The Living Tribunal laughed at Sinestro's audacity, but Sinestro was undeterred. He unleashed a powerful blast of energy that struck the Living Tribunal, causing the cosmic entity to falter for the first time in the battle.The Living Tribunal retaliated with a powerful blast of energy, but Sinestro was able to absorb the attack with his ring. Sinestro unleashed another blast of energy, and another, and another, until finally the Living Tribunal was brought to its knees. As the Living Tribunal floated lifeless, Sinestro positioned himself above his face and squatted repeatedly on it.

“Cosmic Teabag” he thought to himself as he flew away victorious.

Wednesday, March 29, 2023

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Sigmas

 Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips are Darkseid, Supergirl, Megatron, (Legends) Leia Organa-Solo & C3PO in Leia's Y-Wing, Starfire, The Flash, Apocalypse, Superboy, Shazam, Grand Admiral Thrawn w/ The Chimera Crew (pilot, co-pilot, gunner, and five crew mates) in The Chimera, Agent Smith (w/ two white lightsabers), Air Zonk, Eric Cartman (in The Hulk Buster Iron Man Suit), Wedge Antilles in his X-Wing, Biggs Darklighter in his X-Wing, Miss Martian, & Autobot Cassette #1-5.


The Sigmaz are Starscream, Iron Hide, Han Solo and Chewbacca in The Milenium Falcon, Ice Man in a TIE Bomber, Ramjet, Dirge, Nightbird, Mario, Blaster w/ Rewind, Eject, Grandslam, Raindance, Nightstalker, Playback, Ramhorn, Steeljaw, Dile, Zaur, Graphy, Noise, Rosanna, Stripes, & Blackcat, Maverick in a F-5 Tiger, Satoro Gojo, Mon-Starr, Ki Adi Mundi, Qui Gon Jinn, Jessie, James, & Meowth.



Week 4 Democracy: Scarlett Johansson and Bill Cosby's Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Panda Diddlers vs The National Alcohol and Zyn Administration

The Trash Panda Diddlers are Emperor Palpatine, Darth Bane, Syndicate Maul, and Savage Opress in The Emperor's Shuttle, The Guardians of The Galaxy: Star Lord, Gamora, Drax, Groot, Rocket The Racoon, Nebula, and Mantis in The Milano, Hera Syndulla, Zeb Orellios, and Kaanan Jarrus in The Ghost, Sabine Wren, Chopper, and Ezra Bridger in the Phantom, Hunter, Wrecker, Tech, Crosshair, Echo, and Omega in the Marauder, Iron Man, Black Widow, Adam Warlock, Jean Gray, Ice Man, Cyclops, Beast, Archangel, Dr. Robotnik, and Asgardian #1-2.

The NAZA are Admiral Piett, Executor Pilot, Executor Co-Pilot, Executor Gunner, and Executor Crew Members #1-5 in The Executor, Legends Luke Skywalker w/ Blue Lantern Ring and RD-D2 in Luke's X-Wing, Alpha Trion, Ultra Magnus, The Protectobots: Hot Spot, Streetwise, Blades, Groove, and First Aid in an Auto BotShip, Indigo Lanterns #1-2, Omniman, Stark Androids #1-5, The Guardians of The Galaxy: Yondu, Charlie-27, Vance Astro, Starhawk, Martinix, Nikki, and Aleta on Executor, Vegeta, Mr. Mxyzptlk, Alan Scott, Dead Man, ZeedMillenniummom, Shoutmon X7F, Omnimon X, Wizards #1-5, Palkia, Dialga, Giratina, and Gus.

A Desert Plot: Week 3 Arrakis Meat Suits vs Dolla 49 McRib

 Meat Suits: Galactus and herald David Byrne, Atrocious w/ Jar Jar Heads, Hal Jordan, Firelord Ozai, Firelord Zuko and his Dragon, King Bumi, Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, Captain Kirk in the USS Enterprise, Avatar Korra, Guy Gardner, Junkeons #1-10, Rocky Balboa in an F-5 Tiger


Dolla 49 McRib: Doomsday, Bizarro Superman, Wonder Woman, Fin Fang Foom, The Mandarin, Anti-Monitor, Harkonnen Soldiers #1-8, Xavier Harkonen, Sentry, Dr. Fate, Mandalorians #1-4


    The annual Arrakis Spice Convention was once again upon us. All of the attendees were in line grabbing their badges and being handed their complementary waters, but those shitty little small waters because the commission was tight on the funds. The heat was already getting to the attendees as they were shuffled into the conference hall which was just a large tent. While there were some tensions in the room over the seating, everyone got to where they were going without major incident.

    Then the commissioner came out onto the stage to begin the conference. He started with a simple hello and moved into the topic of today's discussion, who would be getting control of the spice trade. To decide both teams would need to present why they should have control and then it would be judged by the emperor. Both teams' presentations were going good, but there was a definite edge towards the McRibs (which is surprising because they can barely read), which is why the meat suits came with a back up plan: The McRibs couldn't win if they weren't alive. 


    As the halfway point of the day came upon us, weird stuff started to occur. The Mandalorians and Harkonnen soldiers began to fall to their knees and scream prophetically. Someone had spiked their water with spice. Wonder Woman kidnapped Ozai with her whip and interrogated him about the plot. He immediately spilled the beans and Wonder Woman snapped his neck. The McRibs snuck over to the Meat Suit section and ambushed them with a flurry of attacks. Doomsday speared Atrocious and leaped through the wall of the tent, taking them miles from the site. In all the commotion Anti-Monitor killed the Junkeons with ease, while Wonder Woman threw her sword into King Bumi, and Dr. Fate stopped Zuko from reaching his Dragon. Xavier Harkonnen was caught slippin tho and was killed by Quicksilver.

    Bizzaro Superman and Fin Fang Foom teamed up on Galactus and restrained him. Just as they were about to land a killing blow, David Byrne jumped in the way of the blast. Galactus grabbed the tail of Foom and yeeted him from the battle. While in the air he was blasted by Rocky Balboa and the USS Enterprise, but they were also caught in the blast of that Fin Fang Flesh, sending both craft falling to the surface. Bizzaro Superman began moving evasively from Galactus before Anti Monitor moved in to save him. The two fought Galactus to the teeth, but knew it would take a commitment to finish the fight, so Anti-Monitor sacrificed himself to make it so neither of their matter existed any longer. Scarlet Witch was able to overpower Dr. Fate, knocking his helmet from his head and as he dove for it, she crushed it leaving just the man who was powerless to change his fate. Neither Doomsday or Atrocious had returned, leading both teams to believe that they succumbed to their wounds or the desert. 


    Sentry was in a fierce battle with Hal Jordan and Guy Gardner. The Mandarin had been cut down in battle earlier and now Sentry was on the back foot. While this man was indeed beyond a Sigma, that being an Omega, he was not strong enough for powerful Green Lanterns. After destroying Hal Jordan's shield projection, he switched up and threw everything he had at Guy Gardner and was able to defeat him. Hal’s will allowed him to recover more quickly that Sentry expected though and he caught him at an inopportune moment. 


    For the sake of appeasing the masses, it's time for a women's battle. Wonder Woman vs Scarlet Witch and Avatar Korra. Imma just keep it a buck witchu, Avatar Korra aint got shit on Wonder Woman and there was little to earth or water bend, so she was pieced pretty easily. Wonder Woman and Scarlet Witch fought for a while, but then the Men stepped in. Quicksilver sprinted up and was sneaking in sucker punches, which affected Wonder Woman very little. As he was doing a drive by, Bizzaro Superman grabbed him by the throat and the sudden deceleration killed him immediately. At the rage of losing her brother, Scarlet Witch was powered by emotion. Bizzaro Superman caught the worst of this as he was gone pretty quickly. As she beat Wonder Woman back and back, the two found each other in a rocky outcrop. With Wonder Woman pinned against a wall by magic, Scarlet Witch approached. After some meaningless monologue about loss or something she finished the job, but after a moment she fell backwards. Looking down she could see a hole in her stomach as Wonder Woman had thrown a stone at such speed right before her death. 


    With only Hal Jordan left living, he returned to the conference hall which was all torn up and filled with dust and spice. He made sure that the Mandalorians and Harkonnen soldiers were all dead and sat back in his seat. The commissioner entered the hall, perplexed at the carnage, he had been dropping a phat deuce the whole battle with his noise canceling headphones on. With no other choice, the Meat Suits were awarded access to the spice rich planet of Arrakis.


Tuesday, March 28, 2023

Week 3 Arrakis NAZA vs. Sigmas FFL 2023

 Sigmas: Fremen 1-15, Han and Chewy in the Millenium Falcon, John Rambo in the Shagohod, Gojo, Charmander, Earth Benders 1-5, Ramjet, Dirge, Nightbird, Smaug, Starscream, Duncan Idaho w/Ornithopter, Gurney Hallack, Iron Hide, The Blob, Sardakaur 1-17

NAZA: 10 Sandworms, Vegeta, The Zynister Six, Ghost Rider, The Nega Chin, Bronze Kneecap, Bull-E, Baby Shredder, Dr.Crocktopus, The Crimson Chin, Agamemnoo and Juno, Lady Jessica, Fredaykin 1-5, Dr.Doom, OG Guardizyns of the Galaxy, Blue Lantern Legends Luke Skywalker w/R2D2 in Luke's X-Wing, Dino Boy, Ugg, Brontie

Ima be real this is gonna be a short match that get right into it

So the Fremen were just chillen and vibin to the music theys was playin..... That was until a group of sandworms terrorizes their whole village. The single Fremen that survived requested the aid of Han and Chewy along with their team of elite forces.  

The Transformers arrived for back up of the village.  Star Scream found the Zynister six roaming behind the sandworms and completely wipes the team out.  They put up a fight but they don't got enough hands to box with this big ole robot.  

Upon the arrival of the transformers, they are met by Luke Skywalker who is doing some critical damage.  Luke Skywalker in a X-Wing ain't enough to take down star scream doe.  Luke abandons ship because I'll be damned if some pussy ass transformer takes out Luke Skywalker.  Starscream is met by a Spirit Bomb from Vegeta and is completely decimated.  

Rambo and Gojo are fending off the waves of Sandworms with ease at this point.

"Charmander use flame wheel" said Duncan Idaho

Chamander chars the Nega team besides the Nega Chin and the Bronze Kneecap.  The Nega Chin and the Bronze Kneecap begin their attack on Duncan Idaho and Charmander.  Charmander is defeated by the Nega Chin while the bronze kneecap fell the absolute hands of Duncan Idaho.  Although Duncan Idaho doesn't stand a chance against the Nega Chin, he puts up a good fight.  In the end it was not enough.

Gojo is still fending off enemines of NAZA.  Gojo and the blob took on the OG Guardizyns of the Galaxy.  Unable to keep up with the speed and strength of Gojo, Yondu and Starhawk quickly fall to the pretty eyed fighter.  The blob takes down the rest of the OG squad to make it a clean sweep.

They are soon met by Luke and Vegeta.

"Luke I need you to take on that thing whatever the hell it is.  I got pretty boy because I am a god and he is our strongest foe" said Vegeta

It is now time for a big Anime fight fellas. 

Gojo instantly attacks Vegeta.  His speed is remarkable but it is nothing compared to his brothers speed and strength.  Although Vegeta can't beat his brother this is possible.  The attacks start to come down in flurries.  Luke cannot even see the fight going on because they are both so fast.  The screams and grunts from both fighters can be heard across this desert land.  

Gojo is begining to get the upper hand until Vegeta begins to laugh.  

"You think you can beat me" says a bloodied Vegeta

"I haven't used my signature move yet and you are gassed.  This fight is all but over now"

Vegeta proceeds to get up and uses Galick Gun which rivals the Kamehameha wave.  Gojo is fast and is able to dodge most of the attack but loses a leg in the process leaving him vulnerable.  Gojo fakes out Vegeta and goes for the kill while his cover is down, but is met by the Lightsaber of Luke Skywalker who used the force to destroy the Blob.  Gojo is left to die as both of his legs and one arm is cut off.  

More transformers begin to swarm the team but Vegeta is now alert after a near death experience and rains down on the remaining transformers with Lucora Gun sending waves of energy from the sky destroying them all.

Luke and Vegeta walk off in the distance holding hands in a completely Heterosexual way 



Monday, March 27, 2023

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Sigmaz

 Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips are Dakseid, Supergirl, Apocalypse, Sarumon the White, He-Man and Battle Cat, She-Ra and Swift Wind, Granny Goodness w/ The Female Furies:  Bloody Mary, Stompa, Lashina, & Mad Harriet, The Juggernaut, Air Zonk, Autobot Cassette #1-5, Diddy Kong & Dixie Kong.


The Sigmaz are The Dino-bots:  Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Snarl, & Swoop, Vorian Atreides, Suerat, & Edrik in The Dream Voyager, Manford Toronado & Anari Idaho, Jay, Silent Bob, & Suzanne (w/ an ice flower), Six Shot, Sunstorm, Triceratops #1-7, Malcom X (w/ Vibranium suit & green lightsaber) & Barack Obama in a flying saucer, Bacchus, Pan, Nick Cage, Macho Man Randy Savage, Spawn, Hellboy, & Link (w/ The Master Sword) on Pegasus.



  "It is true young Kara.  The Horsemen are back and are reformatted to be more powerful than ever before.  This weak, and watered-down league have no chance against our might".  Horsemen Leader Darkseid says to Supergirl with much of the rest of the Apokolips Squad listening in.  

"I have seen the squad we face in the images of the Palantir.  I know exactly what they are all about.  They shall easily fall to my white power".  Says Sarumon.  

The Horsemen take up a position in a rocky outcropping about fifty miles outside the city of Arrakeen.  Fortifying themselves outside a cave with Darkseid their ruler hovering above them in a gravity defying stasis.  A calm demeanor about him, which spreads to the rest of The Horsemen Squad.  

The Sigmaz having sent out Spawn and Link atop Pegasus as sentinel scouts have reported the location of The Horsemen.  Only Link and his winged steed returned from this mission, as Spawn despite his stealthy ways was caught by Apocalypse sneaking about, around the perimeter and was ripped to shreds by the O.G. Mutant.  Emperor X has received this information and along with his protege Barack have come up with their plan of attack.  A strafing run and aerial attack will commence the battle by The Dream Voyager, Sunstorm, Six Shot, Swoop, and of course the two of them in their flying saucer, a ship so similar to the description of the ancient ships that brought the original truth, wisdom, and power down to their African Ancestors.  The very people destined to rule over this planet and every planet in-between.  Before their destiny was put on hold by the whites.  As they take off, Obama overhears his leader whisper with confidence....  "We was Kings......:".  

With trained precision, the ships take off and begin their attack run while the remaining Dino-bots and dinosaurs move in as Phase Two of the attack.  The remaining Sigmaz are instructed to remain back only temporarily so they are not destroyed by the dinosaur carnage.  They shall have a more direct attack so their skills may be properly utilized.  

The Horsemen take cover as the initial Sigmaz air strike commences.  Sun Storm, never much of a team player speeds ahead of the rest and zips past the mountain in a yellow blur, already coming back for a second run before the others have arrived.  Six Shot stays back with the manned ships, while Swoop catches an errant Omega Beam from Darkseid destroying his metal wings causing him to crash down to the ground as he does at the beginning of every cartoon fight he is in.  Edrik maps out the direction of the Dream Voyager with ease, his complex brain practically in a state of boredom as it is such an easy path to navigate, while Seurat simply works the controls as he commands.  Vorian Atreides realized before the match, that he would not be needed to fly The Dream Voyager with a legit Guild Navigator on board and luckily jumped into the flying saucer with Malcom and Barack at the last minute considering that neither one of them have any clue how to fly a spaceship.  Vorian's flight skills impressed both Emperor X and The former President, but neither of them appreciated him putting in the cassette tape of The Offspring and blaring "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" as they took flight.  

The Horsemen, briefly caught unawares at the initial aerial attack, quickly discover that this was but a diversion as the massive Dino-Bots, followed by seven actual triceratops were the true attack.  The entire Horsemen team rushes out to do battle with The Dino-Bots when Darkseid realizes that this Sigmaz crew has much more to offer than they had perhaps initially thought.  Darkseid, who had at first planned to simply be a spectator in this battle orders Supergirl and Apocalypse to stay with him to combat the Dino-Bots, and has Granny Goodness lead the rest of the team against the stragglers.  He-Man and his sister She-Ra atop their respective steeds Battle Cat and Swiftwind rush in; swords drawn, they make fairly short work of the seven triceratops who are supposedly the real versions of these creatures; but "Lez-Be-Honest" He-Man says to his sister, these triceratops are just as much silly science fiction as the robot ones on the other side of the battle field.  Darkseid, Supergirl, and Apocalypse may be outsized by the Dino-Bots; but their power scale is every bit on their level.  Still, a brutal and pitched mountain leveling battle that we will have to revisit shortly commences between the three of them and the four Dinobots led by Grimlock himself.  The famous battle cry of "ME GRIMLOCK KING" echos through the stale air of Arrakis making Malcom X very proud to have selected the Dino-Bots to be members of his team and part of his jihad.  

Air Zonk takes flight and is able to fly in fast behind The Dream Voyager, blowing the transport ship to pieces with his lasers; but the robot Seurat is quickly avenged by his buddy Vorian Atreides who targets the futuristic Bonk and takes him out, all while Barack and Malcom casually shoot dice in the back of the saucer.  

Silent Bob's eyes get huge as he grabs Suzanne's hand and begins running while Jay screams:  "IT'S THE JUGGERNAUT B*&(&(*H"!!  The massive unstoppable mutant then tramples the trio and makes short work of the stoners and their ex-girlfriend who died in a car explosions monkey.  

Nick Cage is absolutely butthoused, just like that scene in that Vegas movie from when he was like fifteen years old or whatever; because he has been hanging out with Bacchus and Pan all morning.  The three of them stumble through the desert, out of booze, drinking what is basically 40 proof urine out of their stillsuit catch pockets when they run up on Diddy and Dixie Kong and remember that they are supposed to be there to fight The Horsemen.  The two gods and Francis Ford Coppola's drunken nephew are about to throw down with the two monkeys when Diddy pulls out a cooler and offers them a cold one.  "You know, speaking of uncles who are better at stuff than we are.....  Donkey is Japanese for crazy, IF U KNO WHAT I'M SAYIN".  Says Kong.  Bacchus and Pan have to say yes, especially since they had such a wide variety of beers in the cooler and they are really getting sick of Colt 45, since it is the only beer Malcom X will allow in the locker room.  The five of them then sit down on the sweltering hot sands and start drinking until they die of dehydration and alcohol poisoning.  

In a bit of a strange alliance, The five Autobot Cassettes who are not quite as powerful as their potential without a Cassette Deck Master are following the lead of Sarumon the White.  They move in on Hellboy and The Macho Man and things start to get rowdy.  Randy Savage leaps off of a boulder and delivers a flying elbow to Cassette #3, breaking him in half.  "OOOOOOWOO YEAH, SNAP IT TO AN AUTOBOT"!!  The WWF Alum screams, even as he is overtaken by the other four cassettes.  Cassette #2 doesn't make it out of the scuffle either.  Hellboy, though representative of the power of Satan fails to defeat Sarumon who is representative of the false light of Lucifer.  Hellboy is cast into the shadow from whence he came.  

Manford Torando, riding on the back of Anari Idaho are significantly outnumbered by The Female Furies; but the scales are slightly tipped back when Link and Pegasus show up from the air.  Anari, moves swiftly as she uses her broad sword with perfect precision making Bloody Mary really bloody Mary.  This make Mad Harriet mad and causes Lashina to lash out; but in the end it is Stompa, who stomps the Ginaz Swordmaster and her half man-Ford riding on her back.  While the females were dealing with their fury, Link leapt from the back of Pegasus, who swooped down and bit the throat of Mad Harriet with his big horse teeth and ripped out her jugular.  Lashina then eviscerated the flying horse for revenge.  Link and Granny Goodness had been separated from the rest of the fighters and were caught in a well-balanced melee battle.  Granny Goodness was able to match most of Link's moves with her hand to hand combat skills; but eventually she met her demise as she was relieved of her head by The Master Sword.  

Apocalypse had grown to his largest possible size and was able to muster enough strength to punch Slag's dinosaur head clean off; but was then unable to free himself from the jaws of Grimlock who bit through the mutant while his lava laser blasts melted him.  Darkseid and Supergirl, who were each able to take out Sludge and Snarl with the combination of their brute strength and the help of their omega beams and heat vision.  But it was still an intense battle when they turned to team up on The Dino-Bot leader Grimlock.  The two DC Powerhouses were eventually able to take out the Cybertronian T-Rex, crushing in his head as they each pushed with all of their might from opposite sides.  

Brutal sand storms rip through the terrain of Arrakis, making it very difficult to fly but Vorian is still managing.  Six Shot and Sunstorm both transform into robot form and move towards He-Man and She-Ra, as all of the match action begins to center around a low altitude area just East of the rock outcropping.  Vorian struggles to keep the saucer in the air as he does one more lasgun strafing run over the Horsemen and takes out the remaining three Autobot Cassettes, before Juggernaut hits the ship with a perfectly aimed boulder making it no longer air worthy.  Vorian is able to crash land the saucer as he and their leaders Malcom and Barack rush out of the wreckage to join the ground battle.  Off to the side, Sarumon and Link are battling in a fantastic one on one match up that I will certainly bring up on a Friday night very soon so I can hear Alex and Kyle spend the three hours arguing over who would win.  Vorian begins running behind Malcom and Barack, but despite his years of life lengthening medical treatments to keep him in excellent shape he still can't seem to keep pace with the African-Americans.  Juggernaut sees Vorian and is still pissed that he survived such an amazing boulder throw that he grabs him and rips the hero of The Butlerian Jihad in half.  Malcom with his lightsaber ignited and backed by Barack, leaps into action with the aid of his Vibranium Suit.  The two Warriors (of Social Justice) are able to dispatch both Stompa and Lashina with their quick moves and cunning ideologies.  

The smell of smoldering cat and horse hair fill the warm air as both He-Man and She-Ra have been blasted off of their steeds by Six Shot and Sunstorm; but they continue to do battle on foot.  She-Ra is taken off guard as Six Shot who was doing battle in his winged wolf form flips backwards and transforms into gun mode blasting She-Ra to oblivion.  He-Man is helpless to save his own sister as he has his hands tied with Sunstorm who is conjuring up a huge blast of solar energy that he directs toward He-Man.  Sunstorm thinking he will surely destroy this shirtless meat bag with the blast is shocked as He-Man is able to block the blast with the Sword of Power and redirect it back at Sunstorm to destroy him.  

Sarumon and Link after what seemed like the longest fight of their lives decide to both throw caution and defense aside and to focus every bit of power they can muster from their own bodies and their magical staff and sword.  An enormous flash of light can be seen from every corner of the planet that its own inhabitants call Dune as The White Wizard and the hero of Hyrule join each other in death.  

Malcom and Barack form up with the massive Six Shot and move against He-Man and Juggernaut, who have just been joined by the exhausted yet ready Darkseid and Supergirl as both teams prepare to make their last stand.  Malcom and Barack keep He-Man busy as they attack the ugly, hideous, and disgusting blue eyed, blond man from both sides.  Six Shot in his tank form nearly drains every bit of energon from his body and spark as he hits The Juggernaut in mid run and puts a stop to his reign of terror.  He-Man swings his sword mightily blasting Malcom X aside and slicing Barack in two, while the worn out Darkseid and Supergirl are able to overcome the energon depleted Six Shot to end a battle that has brought new meaning to the word fatigue to both of these squads.

EPILOGUE:

The injured Malcom X, was thought to be dead after being hit by the mighty sword of Power; but survived with the aid of his protective vibranium suit and Kingly resolve.  He realized this battle, but not the war was lost and managed to escape to a Sietch of Fremen whom he radicalized to his cause as they nursed him back to health and who helped him gain passage off Arrakis with Spice Smugglers in order to retreat back to his team and begin again.   

Sunday, March 26, 2023

Week 3 Consortium: The Washington Redskins vs The Underhills

Washington Redskins are Omega Supreme, Mandalore the Great w/ The Dark Saber, Thufir Hawat, Murbella, Thundarr the Barbarian, Princess Ariel, and Ookla the Mok, Professor Xavier, Wolverine, X-23, Chuck Norris w/ the Houslander Family Katana, Sinestro w/ The White Lantern Ring , Colossus, Larfleeze, Havoc, and Shinobi with his Dog.

The Underhills are General Zod, Neo w/ Two Blue Lightsabers , Sauron w/ The One Ring, Norma Cenva, Revan, Uncle Iroh, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight, Slingshot, and Air Raid, Darth Talon, Starkiller, and Raven

TEAM Vs. Scar Jo and Bill Cosby's Diddlers

 TEAM is God Emperor Leto II, Thanos, Maw, Mace Windu, Thor, Thunderstrke, The Constructicons:  Hook, Bonecrusher, Mixmaster, Long Haul, Scrapper, & Scavenger, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Appa, Momo, Vah Medoh, Vah Ruta, Vah Naboris, Chris Artrip, Julie Artrip, Ella Artrip, Jack Artrip, Ben Artrip, Mr. Boogedy, and Transformer Cassette #1-3.


Cosby's Diddlers are Paul Maud Dib, Allia Atreides, Count Glossu Rabban, Duke Leto Atreides, Gandalf the White, The Guardians of the Galaxy:  Starlord, Rocket, Groot, Gamora, Drax the Destroyer, Nebula, & Mantis, Jean Grey in a Guild Heihliner, Ice Man, Cyclops, Archangel, Beast, Emperor Palpatine, Iron Man, Shockwave, & Scorpion.

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Week 3 Democracy: Doctor's Madhouse vs The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen

The Doctors Madhouse are Paulus Atreides, Stilgar, Jamis, Umman Kudu, Dr. Manhattan, Silver Surfer, Captain Marvel, She-Hulk, Invincible, Atom Eve, Dupli-Kate, Robot, Rex Splode, and Allen The Alien, Hancock, Nazghul #2 w/ his Fell Beast, Ethan Hunt w/ Green Lantern Ring, and Kryptonians #1-2

Heterosexual Gentlemen are Ajax, Dante, Beowulf,  Hecate, Superman, Avatar Aang, Commander Ashoka Tano, General Kenobi, Bumblebee, Martian Manhunter, Van Helsing, and 3 Watchdogs

Monday, March 20, 2023

Week 2 2023: Doctor's Madhouse Vs. Sigmaz

 Doctor's Madhouse: Saruman the White, Nazgul 2 w/ Mordor Horse, Elrond w/Elven Ring, Gimli w/Dwarf Ring 1, Frodo w/Dwarf Ring 2, Elf 1-10, Swamp Thing, Kyrptonian 1-3, Predator 1-13

 Sigmaz: Malcom X w/Vibranium Suit and a Green Lightsaber, 10 Wakandan Soldiers, Aragorn, Nazgul w/Fell Beast, Eowyn w/Mordor Horse, Azula, Tai Lee, Mai, Eren Yaeger, Ted Kaczynski (The Unabomber) w/Ironman Suit, Snake Eyes, Wolf, A goblin w/AR15

Alright you pasty white boys let this match commence!

The smell of toes are in the air and Malcom X will sacrifice his life to find these toes.  They must be the finest toes in the land one might think. 

Malcom X takes a big ole whiff, "the toes.  They must be here in these woods"\

Aragorn chimes in "I don't think going here is such a good idea", as he knows what is to come of this forest. 

"We will be just fine" said Malcom X with a sort of nervous laughter.

Malcom X continues to pursue the sent of toes coming from this forest.  The 10 Wakandan soldiers are sent out as scouts to make sure it is safe.  As they enter the forest nothing is to be seen as it is about to be dawn.  A slight fog fills the air and the sun is beginning to peak through.  

"Dawn is here, let's advance now" said a Wakandan soldier.

Clicks began to sound off in the distance.

"What the hell was that said one of the Wakandan soldiers"

Out of no where the Wakandans are attacked by a group of Predators.  The Wakandans begin to fight back but they don't stand a chance against the pack of Predators.  As the fight continues screams are heard by the others who have not yet entered the forest.  Malcom X screams "Yaeger! Do what these useless tech nerds can't accomplish.

Eren Yaeger instanly springs into the action.  Flying from tree to tree like a monkey with his ODM gear.  Snake Eyes and Wolf followed him into the forest but fell far behind because of the ODM gear.  Eren quickly reaches the Wakandan Soldiers under attack by the predators.  He quickly kills a few but gets over run as there is only one Wakandan Solider remaining. 

"I need you to run or you are going to die" says Yaeger in a sinister tone

"These things will just catch me instantly.  You only killed 3 of these bastards" said the lone Wakandan soldier.

"Suit yourself" Yaeger says as he cuts across the palm of his hand with a hook blade.

Lightning strikes and scream that could be heard a mile away goes off.

A beast appears before all the Predators.

It begins to attack all of the Predators.  They sprung into action but their normal attacks had little to no effect on the beast.  The beast eliminates all of the predators that stood before it with ease.  

At the entrance of the forest Malcom X exclaims "That our queue.  Lets ride"

The rest of the Sigmaz enter the forest only to find the dead bodies of Snake Eyes and Wolf with Gimli and Saruman standing near them.  

They all stopped in their tracks as everyone knows the power of Saruman.  Saruman quickly kills Azula, Tai Lee, and Mai.

"You avatar ain't shit compared to us Wizards.  We are far cooler" laughs Saruman.

Aragorn leaps into help attacking Gimli.  Once fought on the same side but that is in the past now.  They both start to fight to the death while the others began to attack.  Aragorn is able to over power Gimli.

"It's truly nice to see you old friend, but I'm afraid this must be our last time with each other." says Aragorn with tears in his eyes.

"Why Aragorn, we don't have to do this" yells Gimli

Aragorn while choking on his word says "It's Malcom X.  He's to much of a bro.  If I have to slay an old friend to stay with him I don't have a choice in the matter.

Aragorn proceeds to decapitate Gimli with a tear of shame in his eyes.  He instantly regrets his  decision he made.  "I can't keep doing this" says Aragorn as he walks into the battlefield without his sword.  He is quickly met with a stray right by Elrond who just joined the fight with the rest of his troops. 

Doctor's Madhouse has now arrived on the scene with a full force of troops, but there are large footsteps in the distance.

"It's a monster! RUNNNNN!" screams Eowyn.

"That's no monster.  That's Eren! We are saved!" yells Malcom X

The fight continues on as Yaeger quickly begins to wipe out the weaklings of the Madhouse team.  Al that stands for Madhouse is Saruman, Elrond, and Frodo...... or so we thought

The Swamp Thing appears out of no where.  Nazgul screeches are in there air as the two Nazgul are fighting while the two beasts battle it out.  Swamp Thing and Yaeger are trading blows.  Eren is slowly regenerating as steam starts to emit from his body.  Madhouse has yet to figure out how to kill Eren.  Until Elrond notices something.  As a great leader he begins to notice something.  The titan has been protecting his neck all fight.  

As Elrond begins to get the attention of Saruman.  He is shot in the chest by a Goblin with an AR15 standing next to the Unabomber.  

Saruman quickly kills the Goblin and Unabomber and runs to the aid Elrond.  Although there was no saving Elrond he was able to pass on the information about the Titans neck to Saruman.  

Eren just got done bashing swamp things face in and is attacked by Saruman who knew to go for his neck.  Eren realizes he underestimated the old wizard, but it was too late.  He was able to open the back of his neck to see a lifeless teenager inside of the Titan.  

Saruman went to return to where Madhouse came from but out of no where "Hey aren't you forgetting something" says Malcom X as he has Frodo in front of him with a Lightsaber to his neck.  

"Hold on, give me back master Frodo" says Saruman.

but those were the last words Malcom X would ever hear. 

Frodo decided to fight dirty like Jon Jones and was able to seperate from Malcom X and give him an oblique kick.  Malcom quickly dropped the light saber as every ligament in his leg just tore.  Frodo picks up the light saber and slashes Malcom X while screaming "YOU CAN NEVER HAVE THESE TOES BRUH" 


Sunday, March 19, 2023

Week 2: The Underhills vs Sigmas

The Underhills: Sauron w/ The One Ring, Blue Wizard #1-2, Radagast the Brown, Arwen Evenstar w/ Hadafang, Ent #1-3, Isildur, Riders of Rohan #1-5, Green Lantern #1-4, Blue Lantern #1-2, Grishnakh, T-Rex #1-2


Sigmas: Legolas of the Woodland Realm, Witch King of Angmar w/ Mordor Horse, Smaug, Griffith, Starscream, John Rambo, Gigachad w/ green Lightsaber, Tree Sentinel #1-4


Alrighty folks, we’re back with the reboot and what better way for Z to start his 2023 writing performances than in Mirkwood forest. Now let’s get on with it and zoom in on Legolas of the Woodland Realm hanging out in a tree of his home territory…


So Legolas is just sitting there… BBQ sauce on his titties, and bam! Isildur comes riding by with some Riders of Rohan, although they do not notice the elf hidden amongst the trees. Legolas, in a frenzy, wipes away the BBQ sauce and draws his bow. Without hesitation, he lets one fly right into the eyehole of Rider #5. Before Isildur can even call out for his men to take cover, another arrow is sent into the neck of Rider #2, and then immediately after Rider #3 goes down, as well. Meanwhile, Griffith had used his causal awareness powers to realize that lathering BBQ sauce on titties would naturally draw men towards Legolas’ yard. With this knowledge, Griffith was hiding nearby and now prances towards the remaining men and slices and dices Riders #1 and #4. Legolas draws his bow to take out Isildur, but Griffith waves a hand to mean he wants Isildur for himself. Isildur sizes Griffith up, and takes a jab, then another, and a big slash… Griffith dodged each attempt with ease. Isildur didn’t even notice Griffith make a move, but he realized much had happened when his torso slid off of his bottom half. Legolas calls for Griffith to retreat, and they return back to the rest of the Sigmas.


Dawn strikes on the Underhills’ camp, and Arwen notices that Isildur and his men have not returned from their scouting report. The team accepts that they are likely dead and now must push forward without the scouting information they wished for. They decide to let the T-Rexes move ahead of the group and try to trample and destroy whatever path they can on the road to Legolas’ home. As they near the Woodland Realm Fortress, the group stays hidden amongst the treeline while the T-Rexes make some noise. This draws out the dreaded Smaug and he starts to light everything on fire with his dragon breath. Smaug then does a drive-by on the T-Rexes who stood no chance. Fire begins to spread quickly and Green Lantern #3 and #4 are soon covered in flames. They yell out (imagine Tommy Boy describing it) “OH MY GOD WE’RE BURNING ALIVE! NOO, I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS!” The other two Green Lanterns can do nothing other than say “Ohhh myyy Gawd.” Tree Sentinels #1-4, who were patrolling the area, were also caught in Smaug’s rage and perished in the flames. Quickly the two Green Lanterns retaliate along with the Blue Lanterns to try and take down Smaug. It takes a great deal of effort through the cost of Blue Lantern #1-2 and Green Lantern #2, but Smaug is defeated. Through the great dragon’s fire fiasco, Ent #1-3 are awakened and decide to join the Underhill company to get revenge for their once tree friends who are now nothing but ashes. 


Arwen, leading the Underhills, notices the front gate is open and the bridge is down. She sees Legolas standing alone at the entrance. She decides it is best to enter the fortress there since it is nearly impossible otherwise. As they near, Legolas calls out “I figure it would be best to settle this in an all out duel. Let’s get this over with.” Arwen responds “my sentiments exactly.” Gigachad makes an appearance out of the castle and starts rushing the Underhills yelling “Bare knuckle box me right now!”, but Sauron lifts a finger and Gigachad gets smashed. The Underhills then start to advance as they are met with Legolas, Griffith, Rambo, and the Witch King of Angmar ahead of them. 


Arwen leads the way and is met with Griffith in front of her. He wishes to test her true fighting abilities. Griffith again waits for Arwen to strike first, but unlike Isildur she does not. He smirks, and strikes quickly at Arwen knowing that his blade will strike her down. As he passes by her, his smirk dwindles and he feels a rather odd feeling. He looks down and notices a large gash across his torso, then looks back to Arwen in confusion. Arwen states “I am blessed with foresight, you were easy to see.” and Griffith’s body falls to the floor. Arwen immediately starts… Oh my gawd, she is wittlwe gwiddying on Gwiffith’s body right now (some of the boomers might not get this reference). Legolas, who has seen enough, decides to betray his allegiance to Aragorn, and he lets an arrow fly through the heart of Arwen.


Meanwhile, Starscream finally makes his appearance and flies from behind to take out the last Green Lantern, as well as Grishnakh. He attempts another fly by, but the Ents work together to grab the sentient metal being mid-air. As they bring him to the ground, Starscream blows up into a million pieces taking out the Ents with him (classic Michael Bay style). Soon after, the Witch King advances on his Mordor Horse and is able to make work of Blue Wizard #1 and #2. As he moves onto his next target, he realizes it is none other than Sauron himself. Out of fear, the Witch King quickly bows to the mighty Sauron. Sauron, disgusted with his top man, sends a crushing blow to the head and destroys the once King of man. At the same time, an explosion goes off and Sauron looks up to see his ally, Radagast, perish. John Rambo saw that he could not match the wizard’s power, but he could at least kamikazee it.


All that stands is the Dark Lord of Mordor towering over Legolas. Legolas wishes it had gone differently, he wishes that Middle Earth did not have to be destroyed by Sauron, but he sees there is no stopping it now, he’s too late. Sauron does not wish for there to be suffering, he only wishes to rule all things in Middle Earth. However, he knows Legolas would never side with him, so he does what he must.