PRESS RELEASE:

To all those in the league:

I would like to hold a brief press conference to quash the rumors that have recently surrounded my team.

First: None of the team members have tested "positive" for enhancement drugs! I take these allegations extremely seriously and have re-tested all players to ensure that the battles (from before and in the future) were and are, on an equal playing field and that no one had/has an unfair advantage. I stand by my 7-0 record as being due to the fact that my team is tough and more importantly, plays with heart. . .

Second: It appears that several of my players have been photographed with Hollywood starlets around town. . . Drinking . . . Partying. . . Whoring. . . These photos have ALL been Photo-shopped! An analysis has been conducted by experts hired by myself personally. Please let it be known that the pictures are actually from players on OTHER teams that shall remain nameless. . . and you know who you are(O'Bama; Apokolips; Fred. . . ) OOPS! Sorry to throw you guys under the bus!

Last: My team has not badmouthed or trashtalked notwithstanding their record. As are many professionals philosophies: "We take it game by game. We are not looking at the playoffs until we are in the playoffs. We respect ALL teams. And most important, we have not moved other memorabilia around on our mantel so that the "Fantasy Fantasy Trophy" [which is awesome-word! and profs! to Ryan (the creator)] fits properly.

So, to ALL of you, once again, my team is HONORED to be in this league and looks forward to seeing you at the end of the year festivities (where there is sure to be drinking, partying and whoring)!

G.M.
Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyaatches